cutepuppies458 wrote:

thegamer2005 wrote:

cutepuppies458 wrote:

These tips are really good, I write a lot and so do my friends. We are currently writing a series together about a group of kids and a gorilla. I hope other writers can find these as they are helpful and simple to understand for younger people.

AAAAAAAAAAAA I love your profile pic
Ahem
Do you write?

Yeah! Do you? (ZUKO!!!!) that was random

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

So I'm in middle of writing a book about rebels trying to overthrow the gov, and at the end of the book, my protag dies. It's written in third-person limited, focusing on the protag.
I was orig going to write it focusing on the dictator, and have him realize what he was doing was wrong and destroying his country (how he grows).
But now i changed it, and I'm not sure how my protag should grow throughout the book. Any ideas?
I was going to do he was overly optimistic, but it didn't fit into the story…

thegamer2005 wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

So I'm in middle of writing a book about rebels trying to overthrow the gov, and at the end of the book, my protag dies. It's written in third-person limited, focusing on the protag.
I was orig going to write it focusing on the dictator, and have him realize what he was doing was wrong and destroying his country (how he grows).
But now i changed it, and I'm not sure how my protag should grow throughout the book. Any ideas?
I was going to do he was overly optimistic, but it didn't fit into the story…

Sounds like your trying to decide which character should have the internal conflict. Well, now you've got to ask yourself: ‘What is the message I’m trying to get across with this story?' My message in my novel is: Embrace love, even though there's a risk of getting hurt. What's your message? Then have your character, trough trials and tribulations, discover that message. That will make your book satisfying for readers. (If they agree with your message of course)

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

thegamer2005 wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

snip

Sounds like your trying to decide which character should have the internal conflict. Well, now you've got to ask yourself: ‘What is the message I’m trying to get across with this story?' My message in my novel is: Embrace love, even though there's a risk of getting hurt. What's your message? Then have your character, trough trials and tribulations, discover that message. That will make your book satisfying for readers. (If they agree with your message of course)

I need that too (LOL), but in this situation I'm looking for a character flaw… any ideas?

hedgiemay wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

thegamer2005 wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

snip

Sounds like your trying to decide which character should have the internal conflict. Well, now you've got to ask yourself: ‘What is the message I’m trying to get across with this story?' My message in my novel is: Embrace love, even though there's a risk of getting hurt. What's your message? Then have your character, trough trials and tribulations, discover that message. That will make your book satisfying for readers. (If they agree with your message of course)

I need that too (LOL), but in this situation I'm looking for a character flaw… any ideas?

Sometimes figuring out the theme helps find a flaw that helps push the story.

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

hedgiemay wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

thegamer2005 wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

snip

snip

I need that too (LOL), but in this situation I'm looking for a character flaw… any ideas?

Sometimes figuring out the theme helps find a flaw that helps push the story.

So does the theme of “You can't fix everything” work in a novel about rebelling? And then the flaw would be overconfidence?

hedgiemay wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

hedgiemay wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

thegamer2005 wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

snip

snip

I need that too (LOL), but in this situation I'm looking for a character flaw… any ideas?

Sometimes figuring out the theme helps find a flaw that helps push the story.

So does the theme of “You can't fix everything” work in a novel about rebelling? And then the flaw would be overconfidence?

Yeah, that's a great one. Make sure you use it. That's important.

“And now, an announcement from the president” the news broadcaster announced.
Denis Trent appeared on screen. He stood at a podium with various microphones, and the American flag hung behind him.
“These results are inaccurate! I’m the true winner, and I will not stop until I prove that I do not have to give up my position. That imbecile Thomas Moore will not be taking office in January. Whatever it takes, he will not!”
The newscaster came on again. “We will keep you updated-”
Franklin switched off the television. Denis’s obsession with the election results were beginning to worry him. Denis was not one to give up once he had made his mind up to do something. Franklin had to do something. He would go meet with Denis. He would convince him to let go of this dream and give over the power to the next president.
Franklin sat across from Denis at the mahogany desk in the oval office. (get descrip)
“Sir, I saw you on television last night”
“And what did you think?”
Franklin drew in a breath. Denis wouldn’t be happy with him. But it had to said. He would convince Denis to do the right thing.
“Well, I think” Franklin stopped to consider his words. “I think that you are doing the-”
Denis cut him off. “The right thing? Of course, I knew you would agree with me.”
Franklin was caught off guard. “Um, I was going to say that what you are doing is against everything the United States stands for.”
Denis drew in a sharp breath, but Franklin didn’t stop. He had to tell Denis, convince him.
“Sir, that is the way democracy works. There is an election every four years so the people can choose who they want to president. If you lost, there is nothing you can do about it.”
Denis’s face was red.
“Maybe that is how democracy is supposed to work.” he spat. “But maybe I will change the way this works. I cannot lose this position, and I have a plan. I need your help, but before I tell you what it is, you must swear to secrecy.”
“O.K. sir, what is it?”
“There will be severe repercussions if this leaks out. SEVERE.” He enunciated the word, and Franklin shrunk back. “Is that clear?”
“Yes sir”
Dennis squinted at his senior advisor who was shuffling in his seat, but the reply satisfied him.
“I have decided that I am not going to give in. I’m going to fire anyone who refuses to accept me as president, and create a new government with me as the leader. I will make the rules. I will decide who stays and who goes. It is all up to me!”
Franklin’s mouth hung open. “Sir? You do know that this is illegal, right?”
Denis’s face darkened. “Would you like to lose your job? I thought I could rely on you!”
Franklin shook his head. “I cannot and will not go along with this plan.”
“You will regret this decision,” Thomas said in a low voice. “And you are fired”
Franklin slowly got up and turned to leave. He reached to open the door, when his voice floated to the president. “Sir, power needs to be transferred, that’s the way the founding fathers set up this country. No one person should have too much power. You will also regret your decision. Consider your options carefully.” With that, he exited the room.

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

So i tried to make the protag (Franklin's) flaw come across in these two scenes. I don't think it really worked, though, I think it just sounds overdone?
Any advice?

“And now, an announcement from the president” the news broadcaster announced.
Denis Trent appeared on screen. He stood at a podium with various microphones, and the American flag hung behind him.
“These results are inaccurate! I’m the true winner, and I will not stop until I prove that I do not have to give up my position. That imbecile Thomas Moore will not be taking office in January. Whatever it takes, he will not!”
The newscaster came on again. “We will keep you updated-”
Franklin switched off the television. Denis’s obsession with the election results were beginning to worry him. Denis was not one to give up once he had made his mind up to do something. Franklin had to do something. He would go meet with Denis. He would convince him to let go of this dream and give over the power to the next president.
Franklin sat across from Denis at the mahogany desk in the oval office. (get descrip)
“Sir, I saw you on television last night”
“And what did you think?”
Franklin drew in a breath. Denis wouldn’t be happy with him. But it had to said. He would convince Denis to do the right thing.
“Well, I think” Franklin stopped to consider his words. “I think that you are doing the-”
Denis cut him off. “The right thing? Of course, I knew you would agree with me.”
Franklin was caught off guard. “Um, I was going to say that what you are doing is against everything the United States stands for.”
Denis drew in a sharp breath, but Franklin didn’t stop. He had to tell Denis, convince him.
“Sir, that is the way democracy works. There is an election every four years so the people can choose who they want to president. If you lost, there is nothing you can do about it.”
Denis’s face was red.
“Maybe that is how democracy is supposed to work.” he spat. “But maybe I will change the way this works. I cannot lose this position, and I have a plan. I need your help, but before I tell you what it is, you must swear to secrecy.”
“O.K. sir, what is it?”
“There will be severe repercussions if this leaks out. SEVERE.” He enunciated the word, and Franklin shrunk back. “Is that clear?”
“Yes sir”
Dennis squinted at his senior advisor who was shuffling in his seat, but the reply satisfied him.
“I have decided that I am not going to give in. I’m going to fire anyone who refuses to accept me as president, and create a new government with me as the leader. I will make the rules. I will decide who stays and who goes. It is all up to me!”
Franklin’s mouth hung open. “Sir? You do know that this is illegal, right?”
Denis’s face darkened. “Would you like to lose your job? I thought I could rely on you!”
Franklin shook his head. “I cannot and will not go along with this plan.”
“You will regret this decision,” Thomas said in a low voice. “And you are fired”
Franklin slowly got up and turned to leave. He reached to open the door, when his voice floated to the president. “Sir, power needs to be transferred, that’s the way the founding fathers set up this country. No one person should have too much power. You will also regret your decision. Consider your options carefully.” With that, he exited the room.

hedgiemay wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

So i tried to make the protag (Franklin's) flaw come across in these two scenes. I don't think it really worked, though, I think it just sounds overdone?
Any advice?

“And now, an announcement from the president” the news broadcaster announced.

That looks kinda okay. I'm assuming Franklin is able to just suddenly get into the oval office because of his job. I being the grammar police I am is going to ignore all that. I got a really good feel for Denis' obsession. But I could only barely see Franklin's overconfidence as the reason he was fired or as the reason he went to Denis in the first place.

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

hedgiemay wrote:

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

So i tried to make the protag (Franklin's) flaw come across in these two scenes. I don't think it really worked, though, I think it just sounds overdone?
Any advice?

“And now, an announcement from the president” the news broadcaster announced.

That looks kinda okay. I'm assuming Franklin is able to just suddenly get into the oval office because of his job. I being the grammar police I am is going to ignore all that. I got a really good feel for Denis' obsession. But I could only barely see Franklin's overconfidence as the reason he was fired or as the reason he went to Denis in the first place.

Thanks for looking at it.
Any ideas on how to make his overconfidence show? Maybe it just doesn't fit the scene…

thegamer2005 wrote:

Ok, now I've got a small problem I need help with.
I'm attempting a Draco Malfoy/Loki character. The conflicted kinda guy. And I know you can mess those up pretty easily. So, any words of wisdom?

thegamer2005 wrote:

Ok, now I've got a small problem I need help with.
I'm attempting a Draco Malfoy/Loki character. The conflicted kinda guy. And I know you can mess those up pretty easily. So, any words of wisdom?

hedgiemay wrote:

thegamer2005 wrote:

Ok, now I've got a small problem I need help with.
I'm attempting a Draco Malfoy/Loki character. The conflicted kinda guy. And I know you can mess those up pretty easily. So, any words of wisdom?

(I haven't done a character like this, so I'm just sharing my thoughts on the ones I've seen.) When we first see them, we are hit by how evil/bad they are. Wait a little to show how conflicted they are. We don't meet Draco's conflicted side until nearly the end of the series. (or the end. I don't remember. I didn't really like those books, but my favorite characters were Luna and Draco.) Loki develops it as the movies progress, but first he's the bad guy.
Basically what I'm saying is hit us with a one dimensional baddy, then move us to see another angle where we can fully appreciate the depth of the character.

thegamer2005 wrote:

what do you think about Leander Orson for a villans name? Or Stellan Lloydson? Ignatius Clive? Conan Clive? Quintus Rupert? Tell me which one is your fav.

thegamer2005 wrote:

what do you think about Leander Orson for a villans name? Or Stellan Lloydson? Ignatius Clive? Conan Clive? Quintus Rupert? Tell me which one is your fav.

WackyGirl1234 wrote:

thegamer2005 wrote:

what do you think about Leander Orson for a villans name? Or Stellan Lloydson? Ignatius Clive? Conan Clive? Quintus Rupert? Tell me which one is your fav.

I think either of the bold ones. Only issue i have is that they're long and kinda cumbersome to say. Maybe give them a nickname that's easier to say?