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PrincessPandaLover
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Writing Advice and Tips

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

Chapter 20 of the Missing Chao
This was a pretty hard piece to start with, seeing as it's halfway through a story, but I could pick up a few things.
Firstly, you have one of the main problems that school education causes in writers- you overuse alternatives for said. While the whole “never use said” thing does have good intentions and encourages young writers to use more descriptive words, it often causes young writers to fear ever using the word said and to instead search for as many powerful alternatives as possible. For example, in your work you've used the words “squealed” and “barked” during what is clearly a quiet and relaxed conversation… unless you actually wanted sonic to make a high pitched screech in the middle of the night to a potentially sleeping friend, if so that's your prerogative.
Secondly, you sometimes use descriptive words that don't quite fit with the tone, or sound a bit silly, which breaks the immersion. For example, while you were describing the mixture of thoughts running through sonic's brain while he was trying to sleep, you used the phrase “lots of random stuff” right near the end- this messes with the tone as the rest of the paragraph seemed serious and important while the tone of this phrase is comedic and dismissive.
Thirdly, the arcade scene wasn't conveyed very well. The description was too long to be a short memory sonic was recalling but was too short and simple to be a narrative hop to the past- either shorten it to a sentence/paragraph or flesh it out into a detailed scene.
1. So, you want me to write like this:
“Tails, how is your plane?” Sonic said to Tails.
“It's doing fine,” Tails replied.
Sonic ran out of the room, saying, “I better get a chili dog!”

2. I'll try again.

3. Why?????????????????????????????????

THAT'S IT!

BEING A GOOD WRITER IS HARD! I MIGHT AS WELL GO DRIVE TRUCKS FOR A LIVING!

Uhhh… how 'bout you review the other chapters?

Last edited by PrincessPandaLover (March 25, 2018 21:41:37)



(REST IN PEACE, TINYPIC (2004-19))






Hmmm…
TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing Advice and Tips

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

“Tails, how is your plane?” Sonic said to Tails.
“It's doing fine,” Tails replied.
Sonic ran out of the room, saying, “I better get a chili dog!”
Well, kind of, but with maybe a bit more description. Your main issue was that you were using very intense speaking verbs for more mundane situations, and the verbs you used didn't convey the tone the characters were presumably speaking in. to use the example you've given:
“Tails, how is your plane?” Sonic asked, {insert description of something Sonic is doing here (e.g: leaning on the door-frame)}.
“It's doing fine.” {you can just leave lines like this without a word after them, especially when we know who's talking. it breaks things up}
“I better get a chilli dog!” Sonic said as he rushed out of the room, {another description}.

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

3. Why?????????????????????????????????
When it comes to flashbacks and memories, there are two things you're likely doing:
Quickly fleshing out the timeline or adding a bit of character depth
“I… uh…” Dave stumbled for words. He wanted to tell Jane what she wanted to hear, that he'd got all the reports done last night, but he knew that was a lie too hard to believe- she followed him on facebook, and she definitely saw the five hour livestream of Minecraft he spent his evening with.
Giving a deep, in depth exploration to an event in the past
She remembered the day Dave finally popped the question- the skies above greener hill would never be as sunny and bright as that day. It had been quite a windy early April, and the pair had been holding onto their hats as they made the long climb through the thick tufts of wild grass that coated the hill… (this would go on for at least a paragraph)
You've kind of gone halfway between these methods. You've used the kind of detail and general reflection of a a shorter flashback with the length of a longer one, which makes it hard to read. I'm guessing you were going for a more detailed one, in which case you need to write more like we're there and experiencing every moment than like we're remembering what sonic and his friends did.

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

Uhhh… how 'bout you review the other chapters?
Probably… but it'll take a while…

*Drinks ketchup*
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TheRealNetherBefore
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Tip of the day
I'd like to expand on a point I briefly covered earlier while reviewing PrincessPandaLover's story extract- using the right tone. To get the right kind of feelings and thoughts about a scene from the audience, you need to use the right pacing and selection of words to emphasise how you want something to feel. The basics of this are to keep funny descriptions and pacing in funny scenes and to keep serious descriptions and pacing out of serious scenes. It's also in matching the pace to the speed you want the events to go at, and using the right semantic field for the scene. Of course, If you're pretty good at doing this you can break the rules intentionally to unnerve or amuse the audience- for example you could describe something typically disturbing in a cute way during a horror scene to really scare the audience: if you don't convey it well you'll either make the audience think this scene is supposed to be romanticised, or that you think this kind of thing is romantic.

*Drinks ketchup*
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TheRealNetherBefore
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Tip of the day
When coming up with the concept for your story, there is one key detail to remember- don't give your audience too much! It may be tempting to add everything to like to a story or to make the setting very large and complex, but this will tire both you and the audience out very quickly. The more complex something is, the more you need to properly explore to avoid plot holes and to keep your story consistent. This also impacts the audience in a mixture of ways:
-
The audience struggles to suspend disbelief- this usually happens if you're mixing a lot of speculative and fantasy themes. For example, vampires living in modern times sounds interesting, magical space vampires who hop dimensions sounds a bit too unbelievable for most readers.
-
The audience gets too overwhelmed. As cool as complex worlds and universes are, if your audience needs tons of information from the start to have the faintest chance of knowing what's going on, they're gonna get lost really quick. A good way to avoid this is to see if you can describe your story in one short sentence (e.g: a widow begins to discover secrets about her husband), and to make sure information about your world is dispersed slowly.
-
Too many plot holes arise from the concept/too much explanation is needed. Let's take the magical space vampires idea again; there's many different story elements involved in it (magic, vampires, space travel, dimensional travel) and all of these need a solid explanation in-universe- not only that, they all need an explanation for how they interact. If you couldn't guess, that's a lot of work for you. That's also a lot of opportunities for plot holes/inconsistencies. And a very high chance of overwhelming your audience. Add on top of that the fact that this kind of story is too implausible for most readers and you don't have much of an audience left.

Last edited by TheRealNetherBefore (March 28, 2018 15:07:11)


*Drinks ketchup*
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cheese-duck
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Writing Advice and Tips

these tips are like 99% of my mental diet now

thank you
TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing Advice and Tips

cheese-duck wrote:

these tips are like 99% of my mental diet now

thank you
You're welcome!
I'm mostly just using these tips as a means to vent and clear my mind of all the advice I've picked up, so I'm glad they're helping others too.

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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cheese-duck
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Writing Advice and Tips

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

cheese-duck wrote:

these tips are like 99% of my mental diet now

thank you
You're welcome!
I'm mostly just using these tips as a means to vent and clear my mind of all the advice I've picked up, so I'm glad they're helping others too.
Hmm, I guess it's a good place to just compile writing advice from other places. And to spread it to others.
because sometimes you pick up advice and you just want all writers to adopt it as their moral code
TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing Advice and Tips

cheese-duck wrote:

because sometimes you pick up advice and you just want all writers to adopt it as their moral code

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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TheRealNetherBefore
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Tip of the day
Just because a weapon/tool looks cool doesn't mean it's actually any good at it's purpose or that people would choose it over it's more mundane alternatives. Before you deck out your assassin with some intricately designed daggers, you might want to consider whether the carved shapes would snag on things. Or if they're actually any good at stealthily taking out enemies. Or if it'd just be more cost effective to use some rope near the target instead rather than specially ordering some expensive, funky knife.

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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PrincessPandaLover
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Writing Advice and Tips

What's up with my Missing Chao fic?


(REST IN PEACE, TINYPIC (2004-19))






Hmmm…
TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing Advice and Tips

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

What's up with my Missing Chao fic?
Oh, I forgot I was supposed to be reviewing that, sorry.
I'll read it this weekend and hopefully get the review out soon.

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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G'thorpax the Unspoken
cheese-duck
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Writing Advice and Tips

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
Just because a weapon/tool looks cool doesn't mean it's actually any good at it's purpose or that people would choose it over it's more mundane alternatives. Before you deck out your assassin with some intricately designed daggers, you might want to consider whether the carved shapes would snag on things. Or if they're actually any good at stealthily taking out enemies. Or if it'd just be more cost effective to use some rope near the target instead rather than specially ordering some expensive, funky knife.
<in the midst of stalking someone> <knife snags on clothes for the 1000th time> “Curse you, author, why'd you force me to buy these inconvenient things that aren't even a good deal”
IggyAndCassie
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Writing Advice and Tips

cheese-duck wrote:

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
Just because a weapon/tool looks cool doesn't mean it's actually any good at it's purpose or that people would choose it over it's more mundane alternatives. Before you deck out your assassin with some intricately designed daggers, you might want to consider whether the carved shapes would snag on things. Or if they're actually any good at stealthily taking out enemies. Or if it'd just be more cost effective to use some rope near the target instead rather than specially ordering some expensive, funky knife.
<in the midst of stalking someone> <knife snags on clothes for the 1000th time> “Curse you, author, why'd you force me to buy these inconvenient things that aren't even a good deal”

Yep, I've followed this thread without posting anything because the tips are really useful.


TheRealNetherBefore
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Tip of the day
General dialogue tips today, preparing for tomorrow.
“Keep punctuation inside the quotation marks!” He yelled.
“Start a new line whenever a different character thinks or speaks,” she replied, “Unless it's the same character, then you can keep writing.”
“This is very important when someone is saying a lot of things.” he added, “When a character is saying multiple sentences or a paragraph of information you should break it up to make it easier to read.
”In fact,“ He continued, ”If it's really long you can break it into multiple paragraphs by omitting the quotation mark at the end of the last line, and only putting it once you're done.“
”You can also use punctuation to show-“
”Someone being interrupted!“ he leapt out of his seat. ”Oh yeah, and you can leave lines with no dialogue tags it it's clear to the reader who was speaking!“
”Speaking of dialogue tags…“ she mumbled to herself, trying to think of the right words, ”You should generally be careful with them. If you use said way too much it can seem dull and boring however if you go out of your way to avoid it you can often end up using other verbs that don't actually fit the scene or distract from the dialogue.“
”If you don't know if it fits, read the dialogue as the tag says it should“ he bellowed, ”See how odd that sounded?“
”Try to avoid relying on adjectives to describe speech too!“ She added hopefully, ”If you find yourself using them often, you should look for a more fitting verb instead.“
”Also, your dialogue should have a aim and purpose for the story- it should build character or flow the plot along in some way. You should also try and keep it concise as unnecessary chit-chat can clog up the conversation and make reading dull.“
”One final point.“ she concluded, glaring at her friend to make sure he got the idea, ”You should always vary the lengths and styles of your dialogue, it makes it more fun!"

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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G'thorpax the Unspoken
cheese-duck
Scratcher
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Writing Advice and Tips

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
General dialogue tips today, preparing for tomorrow.
“Keep punctuation inside the quotation marks!” He yelled.
“Start a new line whenever a different character thinks or speaks,” she replied, “Unless it's the same character, then you can keep writing.”
“This is very important when someone is saying a lot of things.” he added, “When a character is saying multiple sentences or a paragraph of information you should break it up to make it easier to read.
”In fact,“ He continued, ”If it's really long you can break it into multiple paragraphs by omitting the quotation mark at the end of the last line, and only putting it once you're done.“
”You can also use punctuation to show-“
”Someone being interrupted!“ he leapt out of his seat. ”Oh yeah, and you can leave lines with no dialogue tags it it's clear to the reader who was speaking!“
”Speaking of dialogue tags…“ she mumbled to herself, trying to think of the right words, ”You should generally be careful with them. If you use said way too much it can seem dull and boring however if you go out of your way to avoid it you can often end up using other verbs that don't actually fit the scene or distract from the dialogue.“
”If you don't know if it fits, read the dialogue as the tag says it should“ he bellowed, ”See how odd that sounded?“
”Try to avoid relying on adjectives to describe speech too!“ She added hopefully, ”If you find yourself using them often, you should look for a more fitting verb instead.“
”Also, your dialogue should have a aim and purpose for the story- it should build character or flow the plot along in some way. You should also try and keep it concise as unnecessary chit-chat can clog up the conversation and make reading dull.“
”One final point.“ she concluded, glaring at her friend to make sure he got the idea, ”You should always vary the lengths and styles of your dialogue, it makes it more fun!"
Does ‘preparing for tomorrow’ refer to Camp NaNoWriMo or something else I'm unaware of?
(cause tomorrow it's starting and i figured maybe you're doing it since, ya know, writing)

(i'm in a 3-person cabin for scratchers)
TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing Advice and Tips

cheese-duck wrote:

Does ‘preparing for tomorrow’ refer to Camp NaNoWriMo or something else I'm unaware of?
(cause tomorrow it's starting and i figured maybe you're doing it since, ya know, writing)

(i'm in a 3-person cabin for scratchers)
Check what day tomorrow is in UK time…

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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cheese-duck
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Writing Advice and Tips

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

cheese-duck wrote:

Does ‘preparing for tomorrow’ refer to Camp NaNoWriMo or something else I'm unaware of?
(cause tomorrow it's starting and i figured maybe you're doing it since, ya know, writing)

(i'm in a 3-person cabin for scratchers)
Check what day tomorrow is in UK time…
Easter Sunday? (idk how that relates to writing but…

wait I'm an idiot how did I not think about that
oof)
TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing Advice and Tips

Also, just a quick snippet here but it's writing related so I think it counts. I'm running a contest on my account that is based around writing. The project generates a random protagonist, antagonist and setting which you have to work with and make a story. There's 10 days left to enter and I only have one entry.

*Drinks ketchup*
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TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing tips
Make sure to project all of your thoughts, feelings, interests and issues into your work. Don't use your work as a means to tell compelling stories or explore speculative ideas- use it as a way to vent all your feelings and fulfil all your wishes.

*Drinks ketchup*
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TheRealNetherBefore
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Writing Advice and Tips

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Writing tips
Make sure to project all of your thoughts, feelings, interests and issues into your work. Don't use your work as a means to tell compelling stories or explore speculative ideas- use it as a way to vent all your feelings and fulfil all your wishes.
For those of you unaware, this was an april fool's, just clarifying.
While writing from your own experience and making stories you'd enjoy is definitely encouraged, pieces that solely exist as wish fulfilment entirely for yourself can often go downhill very fast, especially if you don't have much writing skill to back it up. The main issue is when character and plot development is sacrificed or bent in order to satisfy your needs (for example, the segment in my immortal where the self insert for the writer's best friend is killed then brought back when their friendship fails then comes back together) or when the wishes you're fulfilling are so specialised and specific that the only target audience who'd like them all is… you.
Of course, a lot of the ‘fun’ in fiction comes from things that, to some degree, satisfy your wishes- whether that's cool sci-fi technology, magical powers or even just blossoming romances. Stories that don't really give anyone anything to enjoy (especially your target audience) can be just as bad, if not worse, as stories that focus too much on it.
You should try and balance it out in your fiction overall. Figure out your target audience and what you'd both like to see (with some discretion), then structure your plot accordingly.

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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