Writing Advice and Tips

cheese-duck

A writing exercise I did a moment ago. Originally I thought this out as a backstory for a certain character, but I decided I could use that as inspiration for something different. So if you think you know who and where this is, maybe you've guessed the inspiration for it. I guess it's sorta different from what I normally write, but also similar, because it's kinda a characterization-heavy but calm beginning. I tried to practice with third person and present tense, two things that are common but I don't normally use.

A moving van travels along a rough but paved road toward a secluded forest town. The driver chats with the family inside— two researchers and their son. The belongings they’ve brought are few. A couple small pieces of old furniture; lab equipment; living necessities crammed into two large suitcases.
The researchers have talked at length about their studies, but now they switch the subject to their kid sitting in the backseat. He stares out the window, seemingly unaware that his parents are talking about him, more interested in the scenery outside.
The boy is about ten, with big eyes and a thick mane of hair partially tied back in a messy ponytail. His clothes are like what you’d wear while exploring a forest, except his socks and shorts aren’t long enough to protect his legs from brambles and whatnot. His parents seem every bit pleased to boast about his maturity and his unique personality.
His eyes dart toward the driver for a moment. Then he laughs under his breath and resumes studying the landscape.

Any advice is welcome! Especially on perspective; I tried to keep it third person objective, but it may have gotten into their heads a bit too much.

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shulkner

TheRealNetherBefore

cheese-duck wrote:
-snip-
A moving van travels along a rough but paved road toward a secluded forest town. The driver chats with the family inside— two researchers and their son. The belongings they’ve brought are few. A couple small pieces of old furniture; lab equipment; living necessities crammed into two large suitcases.
The researchers have talked at length about their studies, but now they switch the subject to their kid sitting in the backseat. He stares out the window, seemingly unaware that his parents are talking about him, more interested in the scenery outside.
The boy is about ten, with big eyes and a thick mane of hair partially tied back in a messy ponytail. His clothes are like what you’d wear while exploring a forest, except his socks and shorts aren’t long enough to protect his legs from brambles and whatnot. His parents seem every bit pleased to boast about his maturity and his unique personality.
His eyes dart toward the driver for a moment. Then he laughs under his breath and resumes studying the landscape.
Any advice is welcome! Especially on perspective; I tried to keep it third person objective, but it may have gotten into their heads a bit too much.

It's pretty good and I think that you've used the perspective correctly, however I think you're restricting yourself with the perspective- you're writing something that's more of a character exploration in a style that's not designed for it. As third person objective means the writing must remain unbiased and avoid showing a character's internal thoughts and feelings, it's a lot harder to convey these emotions and therefore makes it harder to write a piece exploring a character as you can't really “explore”.
Of course, it's not impossible to write and could be interesting if intentional however currently in your story it's making the writing seem stiff. This is likely down to the fact that you're focusing more on what you can't write than what you can- you're aiming to avoid “getting into character's heads” rather than aiming to utilise the perspective and convey these feelings with body language and dialogue. Therefore I'd suggest that you either try to incorporate more dialogue and describe the body language more or that you just write it in third person rather than third person objective.

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
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cheese-duck

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
cheese-duck wrote:
-snip-
A moving van travels along a rough but paved road toward a secluded forest town. The driver chats with the family inside— two researchers and their son. The belongings they’ve brought are few. A couple small pieces of old furniture; lab equipment; living necessities crammed into two large suitcases.
The researchers have talked at length about their studies, but now they switch the subject to their kid sitting in the backseat. He stares out the window, seemingly unaware that his parents are talking about him, more interested in the scenery outside.
The boy is about ten, with big eyes and a thick mane of hair partially tied back in a messy ponytail. His clothes are like what you’d wear while exploring a forest, except his socks and shorts aren’t long enough to protect his legs from brambles and whatnot. His parents seem every bit pleased to boast about his maturity and his unique personality.
His eyes dart toward the driver for a moment. Then he laughs under his breath and resumes studying the landscape.
Any advice is welcome! Especially on perspective; I tried to keep it third person objective, but it may have gotten into their heads a bit too much.
It's pretty good and I think that you've used the perspective correctly, however I think you're restricting yourself with the perspective- you're writing something that's more of a character exploration in a style that's not designed for it. As third person objective means the writing must remain unbiased and avoid showing a character's internal thoughts and feelings, it's a lot harder to convey these emotions and therefore makes it harder to write a piece exploring a character as you can't really “explore”.
Of course, it's not impossible to write and could be interesting if intentional however currently in your story it's making the writing seem stiff. This is likely down to the fact that you're focusing more on what you can't write than what you can- you're aiming to avoid “getting into character's heads” rather than aiming to utilise the perspective and convey these feelings with body language and dialogue. Therefore I'd suggest that you either try to incorporate more dialogue and describe the body language more or that you just write it in third person rather than third person objective.

Thanks!
I believe I may have gotten too caught up describing the character's appearance, thinking I wanted to portray his personality through how he looked rather than his thoughts. But yeah, objective would probably fall flat on its face if I continued. The lack of dialogue and body language does make it seem a bit stiff now that I think about it.

Edit: I just noticed my word choice was kinda bland. I don't like using ‘fancy’ or too descriptive words, but the opposite can be bad too. Also, the objective view kinda makes it seem like a movie script. Maybe that's why I stuck with objective; I imagined it as sort of a movie in my head.

Last edited by cheese-duck (Oct. 1, 2018 11:47:53)

Le Mon Shop • Shayminmeful self-advertising for a thing that's kinda dead • Side account • Pokémon Fangames/Fakémon Topic
shulkner

TheRealNetherBefore

Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!

*Drinks ketchup*
there is no ethical consumption under capitalism my dudes
Small Games | Tips and Advice | Boredom Cat | Misc
Want to make a fantasy world everyone on scratch can use? Click here!
G'thorpax the Unspoken

Seam49

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!

Hmmm… Unicorn… hard! but a challange

Tea. Chocolate.

mistywaves

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!

Vampires? Well, it's a challenge XD

“ι киσω α вαик ωнєяє тнє ωιℓ∂ тнумє вℓσωѕ,
ωнєяє σχℓιρѕ αи∂ тнє иσ∂∂ιиg νισℓєт gяσωѕ,
qυιтє σνєя-¢αиσριє∂ ωιтн ℓυѕ¢ισυѕ ωσσ∂вιиє,
ωιтн ѕωєєт мυѕк-яσѕєѕ αи∂ ωιтн єgℓαитιиє.”
-ωιℓℓιαм ѕнαкєѕρєαяє, α мι∂ѕυммєя иιgнт'ѕ ∂яєαм

Ryasis

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!

Uh I like them all

Smug scottish ego

Hahgoot

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!

My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO

Hi there, I'm Hahgoot, but you can call me Goots if you like. I like animals, books, poetry, Owl City, raspberries and drawing. My little sister is PrincessFuzzyCat and my other account is RaspberryyTest.

--_Nova_--

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!

I would love to do this but I can't think of any fantasy creatures I don't like

Ryasis

--_Nova_-- wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
I would love to do this but I can't think of any fantasy creatures I don't like

Me right there

I told nether before I'm not a big fan of vampires but even then there are kinds of vampires I like

Last edited by Ryasis (Oct. 3, 2018 00:43:13)

Smug scottish ego

Hahgoot

Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO

Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*

Hi there, I'm Hahgoot, but you can call me Goots if you like. I like animals, books, poetry, Owl City, raspberries and drawing. My little sister is PrincessFuzzyCat and my other account is RaspberryyTest.

Viiceroy

Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*

this is a real strange post

Hahgoot

Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post

Why?

Hi there, I'm Hahgoot, but you can call me Goots if you like. I like animals, books, poetry, Owl City, raspberries and drawing. My little sister is PrincessFuzzyCat and my other account is RaspberryyTest.

Viiceroy

Hahgoot wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post
Why?

the warrior cats, the owo, the facepalm ……… surreal

Hahgoot

Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post
Why?
the warrior cats, the owo, the facepalm ……… surreal

What XD

Hi there, I'm Hahgoot, but you can call me Goots if you like. I like animals, books, poetry, Owl City, raspberries and drawing. My little sister is PrincessFuzzyCat and my other account is RaspberryyTest.

Ryasis

Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post
Why?
the warrior cats, the owo, the facepalm ……… surreal

This is surreal

Smug scottish ego

apgonscratch

Ryasis wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post
Why?
the warrior cats, the owo, the facepalm ……… surreal
This is surreal

Oh my god, there are people that actually talk like that on the internet? I thought the jokes were just made up…

Skye // She/They/Pup Pronouns // Pan, Poly, Pup // System Host

CatsUnited

apgonscratch wrote:
Ryasis wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post
Why?
the warrior cats, the owo, the facepalm ……… surreal
This is surreal
Oh my god, there are people that actually talk like that on the internet? I thought the jokes were just made up…

No, unfortunately. I thought it was a myth originally, until I walked into a room and saw some guy with a piece of paper saying “OwO” covering his face

bottom text

Seam49

CatsUnited wrote:
apgonscratch wrote:
Ryasis wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post
Why?
the warrior cats, the owo, the facepalm ……… surreal
This is surreal
Oh my god, there are people that actually talk like that on the internet? I thought the jokes were just made up…
No, unfortunately. I thought it was a myth originally, until I walked into a room and saw some guy with a piece of paper saying “OwO” covering his face

What? Owo? What's that? I don't understand? Who is

Tea. Chocolate.

Hahgoot

Seam49 wrote:
CatsUnited wrote:
apgonscratch wrote:
Ryasis wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Viiceroy wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
Hahgoot wrote:
TheRealNetherBefore wrote:
Challenge of the day
Write a story about your least favourite fantasy creature; try and make them appealing to you while keeping most of their common traits- think smart!
My favourite fantasy creature? Hmmm… W A R R I O R C A T S OwO
Oh wait you said LEAST FAVOURITE *facepalm*
this is a real strange post
Why?
the warrior cats, the owo, the facepalm ……… surreal
This is surreal
Oh my god, there are people that actually talk like that on the internet? I thought the jokes were just made up…
No, unfortunately. I thought it was a myth originally, until I walked into a room and saw some guy with a piece of paper saying “OwO” covering his face
What? Owo? What's that? I don't understand? Who is

OwO is an emote, like UwU and ._. . It's like, a crazy cat face.
this is getting so off topic

Last edited by Hahgoot (Oct. 4, 2018 09:04:01)

Hi there, I'm Hahgoot, but you can call me Goots if you like. I like animals, books, poetry, Owl City, raspberries and drawing. My little sister is PrincessFuzzyCat and my other account is RaspberryyTest.

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