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SaiIAway
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story


━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━

chapter 1

(expect awkward chapter endings - I split them in half so that they wouldn't be too long)


I had been too angry to sleep the night before and now, laying in bed and feeling so heavy with exhaustion, I found myself cursing the appearance of the morning sun. I could not even recall if I had lapsed into any sort of sleep during the night–it had all been one simultaneous blur of frustration and restlessness.

I was angry at a lot of things, things that I knew I should not bother with, but they were too infuriating to drop.

At the dining room during last week’s dinner, a red envelope had been delivered straight to Mother. It had been one of those rare days when the royal family was all together and Father had returned to the castle from yet another trip–at times like this, a rule was enforced not to bother with any interruptions unless it was too vital to brush to the side.

“Is it for me?” my sister Perdita had excitedly asked, glancing up from her food at Mother who was now holding the paper in her hands. I was listening intently though my head was lowered to my plate. Secretly, I was hoping the letter was addressed to me.

Mother let out a sigh and unfolded the paper, letting Perdita’s question hover untouched. She was skimming through the words–I could tell by the way her expression stayed dull and unimpressed when I looked up. But then, in a moment, her eyes widened and she seemed to double back. “Lilith…?” she muttered to herself, and I saw Perdita perk up at the name.

Lilith was our older cousin, born from Father’s younger brother. She was part of the royal family and was one year older than Perdita, which many citizens had always found odd. We were supposed to have an older sibling, but they died soon after Mother had confirmed the pregnancy. But despite Lilith’s age being a threat to Perdita’s title, they had become close friends over the years.

A small puddle of jealousy was boiling inside of me. It was always my older sister and Lilith. I had never been very close to anyone besides my little brother Kengi, so it was rare for me to be offered invitations to any sort of party.

“What about Lilith, Mother?” Perdita asked, scooting forward on her chair. Mother’s brow furrowed as she looked up, lips twisted in a grimace.
“It’s an invite to her wedding in seven days,” she said softly. I noticed Father raise his eyes at the sentence.

“Next week?” I chimed in rapidly. “But that is Perdita’s birthday!”

“We know that, Verity,” my sister said stiffly. Her tone was harsh, and I could feel the sense of betrayal finding her words. I sank back into my chair and distracted myself with eating, knowing that if I kept talking Perdita would grow angrier.

She turned to Mother, who was still peering at the letter. “Why would she pick such a day for a wedding?” Perdita pressed. “Doesn’t she know the occasion?”

“Don’t talk bad about her,” Father said sternly before gesturing for Mother to hand him the letter. “She’s marrying the emperor of the western kingdom. His marriage is more important than your birthday.”

Perdita’s face was turning red. In humiliation or embarrassment, I wasn’t sure, but it was most definitely a scary sight to witness. My older sister rarely became heated, and when she did, it would always be in a sharp and collected tone. Not some fiery outburst such as this.

Mother was nodding solemnly, and for a moment I felt bad for my sister because, in a way, Father was right. Perdita’s twentieth birthday was not as important as an emperor’s wedding. Although Perdita was next in line for the empress of the eastern kingdom, she had a long way to go.
I saw her open her mouth and then close it furiously, searching for a defense. “But why would he propose to Lilith?” she finally blurted.

In an instant, my eyes grew wide and Kengi’s fork clattered to his plate, his hand slipping from cutting the chicken. Mother gasped.

“Perdita, don’t let your pride get the best of you! You should never talk about our possible allies in that manner.” She gave my sister a scolding glare before returning to her food. “You know very well how much impact your words could have if they managed to slip past these castle walls.”

“But what about you, Father! You’ve been awfully quiet,” Perdita called desperately, looking away from Mother. “Don’t you agree that this is all unfair?”

He glanced up tiredly from the letter and then cleared his throat. “The western emperor sets the date for his wedding. Lilith has no control over this.”

“Outrageous! Why my birthday, of all days?”

I was trying not to look at her, for fear of catching her eye, but this was all too exciting to watch. “Weddings only take place for three days, right?” I added quietly, glancing over once again. “We can celebrate your birthday early.”

Perdita glared coldly at me. “Why should we need to go to the wedding? We received an invitation, but must we reply?”

“You know we are required to go. If we don’t, the western empire might take it as a threat,” Mother replied calmly.

“I–” She fell back into her chair, folding her hands in her lap. “I won’t go.”

“Sit up,” Mother scolded, “and act like a lady. You aren’t a child.”

Perdita was stiff, her stubborn eyes challenging Mother. “I will not go to the wedding.”

“Perdita Violet Viotto,” Father said. His voice was beginning to rise. “You are the future empress. You will go to set your title for this empire. Do not let your pride overtake you.”

My pride?” She scoffed and picked up her fork angrily. “Are you sure this isn’t about you? How you fancy your reputation so much that I must follow your orders precisely?”

Mother was pressing a hand to her head, the exhaustion beginning to sink in. “Don’t talk to your father like that.”

“Why not? You all know it's true.”

“You’re thinking very irrationally and immaturely, Perdita. Why don’t we talk about this sometime later tonight?” Mother said as she dropped her hands from her temples and retrieved her fork.

Perdita shook her head. “No. I want to talk about it right now. I don’t want to go to the wedding, do you not understand? How could Lilith agree to a date like that? I feel betrayed.”

“I’m sure you do,” Mother said. “It must be embarrassing, but you were the one invited. Consider this an opportunity to meet the western emperor. It’s a favor in disguise.”

She scoffed and then stabbed one of the sliced potatoes with her fork. “It might be an opportunity in your eyes, but there is nothing more I need to know about the western emperor or his affairs.”

Mother furrowed her brow. “Please, Perdita. It will only be for three days. You could even celebrate back at home when you return.”

Kengi and I were still sitting silently, him stuffing his face and me listening intently. Father glanced over at the two of us, seemingly shocked that we were still sitting at the table. “Verity and Kengi, you two may leave.” He was gesturing with his hands quickly as if he was too embarrassed to have us both listen to our sister’s rampage.

When I stood up from the table, however, Perdita stopped me.

“No. Verity, you stay here.”

My mouth fell open and I stuck my nose up at her order. “Fine, Your Majesty. Would you like me to feed you those potatoes as well?”

“That’s enough,” Mother said. This time it was she who raised her voice. “Kengi, I’ll see to you later. Have the maids bring you a fresh pair of nightwear.”
He nodded silently. Kengi had never been the type to find an opportunity to speak. If he was able to respond with a gesture, he would always choose it over words. Perdita couldn’t be any more opposite.

“Perdita, what is it you would like to ask Verity?” Mother was taking charge as she had always done when our family became close to quarreling.
My sister set down the napkin she had been patting her face with as I moved back to my seat. “Verity, you know Lilith as well. Why don’t you take my place at the wedding?”

I felt surprised–not because of Perdita’s suggestion but the fact that Mother was not opening her mouth to refuse it.

“Wh-What?” I stuttered out in disbelief. “You want me to pretend to be you?”

“No, no. Not pretend.” I could tell she was weighing the options in her mind. “Just go for me. I’m sure no one from that kingdom will wonder who you are–they would not know our faces after all.”

“I’m not going to a wedding just because you refuse to. The future empress is invited, not her younger sister.” I crossed my arms. “Besides, I am only eighteen. I need to stay home to continue my studies, and I’m too young to travel across the country.”

“You aren’t too young,” she said stubbornly. “You’re just scared to go to a foreign kingdom.”

I scoffed. “No, I’m not. Right, Mother?”

She turned to me and I lifted a challenging eyebrow, daring her to take Perdita’s side.

“You’ve never been out of the city, have you Verity?” Mother said simply. She looked as if she were considering the options, and I began to feel betrayed. Of course, she would take Perdita’s side–my older sister always had a way with words to make it sound like anything could happen. “Maybe you could get a breath of fresh air. It’s been years since you’ve seen your cousin.”

“And she’s never seen the western emperor either,” Perdita chimed in.

“None of us have except Father.” I rolled my eyes. “Just because I haven’t doesn’t mean it’s mandatory right at this moment.”

“But it would be helpful for your studies,” Mother pointed out. “You and Perdita could both go to the wedding, experience something new.”

“Wait, wait. I’m still not going. It would ruin my reputation,” my sister protested.

“But it would ruin this kingdom’s as well. Don’t be selfish,” Father spoke up. I was surprised he was still listening to the conversation. He was usually only interested in political discussions, not a stubborn fight such as this.

“Not if Verity goes. We only need one member of the royal family to represent us all. If I were to arrive there on my birthday, would it not be equivalent to admitting they are in control?”

Mother’s brow furrowed. “In some ways, yes, but not going would be as if we were to be claiming we are too important for them.”

“But Verity would go! It would be perfectly sensible. She could play the role as empress and finally experience something outside of her studies.”

“I don’t need anything more than my books,” I claimed, pursing my lips.

Perdita rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to lie. We all know how much you hate your studies. And who knows? One day you could become empress if I have no heir to take the throne. So, why not begin searching for experiences out in the real world?”

Mother was pressing her temples and I wordlessly glanced down at my plate. I hated how my sister always sounded so right. It was true that I was very shut-in and awkward at times, but I had talked to other royals just fine. I was good friends with Perdita’s ladies-in-waiting and I visited estates of high-class governesses from time to time. I wasn’t antisocial, it was just exhausting to smile at everything and to continue a conversation.

“What do you think, Father?” I asked. I had always looked to him for the final decision since Mother almost always gave into Perdita’s outrageous plans.

He looked back at me, stroking his chin slightly. I already knew the answer he would give before he even opened his mouth.

“I think you should go.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━

end of chapter 1

proofreader(s) for chapter one: @-chanson


[if you find any errors (spelling mistakes/uneven paragraph splits/wrong punctuation use) please lmk]

Last edited by SaiIAway (Jan. 14, 2021 19:42:20)


EitS chapters (quick selection)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━
#moonbaes #cinnamonthicc #triangleman
SaiIAway
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story


━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━

chapter 2


And now here I was, lying angrily in bed. The five days had come and gone and it was time for me to pack my bags and head to the western empire three days before the wedding. I had read a handful of pages about an emperor’s wedding–it was supposed to carry on for three consecutive days. The first two nights were for any high-class family, even non-royals, to gift the bride and take part in the dances. The third night, however, was only for the close friends of the emperor and empress.

I was reviewing these studies for the third time, laying in bed to distract my head from the sleep that was inching toward me. A dreading excitement was boiling up inside of me, and I swore that I would never forgive Perdita for this. Although…I knew it was a smart decision. As Mother and Father had both drilled into my head, if they sent the first daughter to a wedding that took place on her birthday, it would give the impression that the Eastern kingdom was not as strong as the Western. But sending me, the other daughter, was a frustratingly perfect idea.

Slipping out of bed, I pressed my hands to my heated face. I didn’t want my anger to get the best of me, so I tried to push it back with deep breaths.

My bare feet were cold. Winter was soon to come, and I sighed heavily before starting toward the window. Kengi loved the cold, but I could not hate it any more than I did now. It prevented me from doing any outside activities, and the snow was always piled so high that it was impossible to not get my skirts wet and my boots filled with slush. And it was always dark–as if the sun had melted away as well.

There was a knock at my door, and I turned back to open it.

“Verity!” Perdita sang out, flying into my arms. I stiffened at the hug, but made an effort to pat her back.

“What is it?” I asked, finding my voice to be a lot duller than I had anticipated.

She pulled back, and with a start, I realized how pink her face was. She was sniffling, her eyes rimmed red. But Perdita didn’t cry–at least not enough to ruin her face like this.

“I think the weather got to me,” she said gaily. “I feel sick with a fever. I don’t think I will be able to accompany you on the trip.”

“Accompany me?” I exclaimed in utmost horror. “But I was supposed to accompany you! Please, please tell me you aren’t faking this, Perdita!”

“Why would I fake such a thing? I am sick, and if I go to a wedding in a state like this, I might embarrass the entire family.”

“You’re being overdramatic. We will be riding for two days–that should offer you more than enough time to recover.”

“You know how I handle carriage rides, Verity.” She was tugging on my dress like a little child. “It would only make the fever worse, don’t you agree?”
I tugged away from her, feeling exasperated and tired. “Mother and Father won’t. They’ll make you go. You have to go. Please tell me you’re putting up an act–you can’t actually be sick at a time like this. You haven’t had a fever in ages!”

“I am sick, Verity,” she huffed. “I wouldn’t stoop so low as to fake a fever to escape something.”

“Yes you would.” My heart was beginning to pound. I was too angry and confused to remain calm. “I know you would. If you cannot escape a situation, you resort to using your witty tricks to get you out of it. I knew from the start that you were reluctant to go to Lilith’s wedding, so you used me, your sister. Do you not realize how offensive this is?”

She stepped back, looking a little shocked at my words. “You are talking to your future empress right now–”

“Then act like one!” I let my voice raise exasperatedly, throwing my hands to the air. “Act like you are the next in line for the throne, because the only person I see in you right now, Perdita, is a stubborn older sister who is furious with her best friend over something they cannot control.”

Perdita’s expression was beginning to turn cold and she sniffled in the silence that followed. “Although you’re too dense to believe me, I am not lying when I say I am sick, Verity,” she said before turning her nose up and hurrying out of my room.

.⋅ ✦ ⋅.


The following afternoon, I was taken up by guards who led me to a carriage waiting at the large entrance of the castle. Perdita was not there to see me go, and I felt a surge of guilt at my words early in the day. It had been wrong of me to raise my voice at her, but how could I not when she was being such an arrogant child?

If Mother was here now, she would warn me to control my temper. To simply do as Perdita said. And I huffed at this thought, agitation growing throughout me. I was like a backup child, a “just-in-case” for my parents. If Perdita was to throw a fit over a task, I would be the one to take it up and finish it for her. I had done much of her studying and tutoring over the years when she would become too stubborn to read her books by herself.

But this was not the same as going over passages with my older sister. This was too far–for me, at least. To send me across the country to attend a wedding? And now, to be there by myself? I did not care if Perdita was sick, she should have been responsible and arranged for the carriages to come later when she had healed.

But now they were here, and I could not turn back.

“Your Majesty.” I turned to see one of the guards offering his hand to me, waiting to guide me down the flight of stairs leading down to the front courtyard of the castle.

I took it with a heavy exhale. It had been ages since I’d been escorted like this. Usually, I would follow behind Perdita.

The guard’s hand in mine brought me a sudden burst of excitement. Was this my first opportunity to experience the world as an empress-to-be? And would it also be my last? Maybe mother was right–this wedding could possibly open my eyes to the surrounding world. After reading volumes of textbooks about the western empire, I was finally beginning to wonder how it would see from an outsider’s eyes such as mine.

The carriage door opened, my hand was released, and the guard stepped in after me.

“Oh,” I began, feeling a little startled, “you do not need to come as well.” The words sounded mean as they left my mouth, and I quickly became embarrassed.

“The Emperor sent orders for one elite guard to watch over you,” the man said, keeping his face down.

“Please, you may look up,” I said quickly, “I’m no empress.”

He raised his eyes hesitantly, giving me an almost curious glance. He didn’t open his mouth, however, afraid to talk without permission. But I knew what he was thinking. It was what everyone’s eyes would say each time I walked into the room. “You’re the second daughter, right?”

“Perdita was not able to come,” I stated, almost coldly as I fixed my hands into my lap and stared out of the window. “So I am going for her.”

“I–” He seemed uneasy to carry a conversation. “I heard she was ill.”

With a sigh, I rubbed my hands together. “Yes. She came to my door this morning to tell me so. But I do not think she would go to the wedding anyway, even if she was healthy. The princess is worried that going on her birthday would speak badly about our kingdom.” I turned and looked back at him. His face was still raised, although the first thing I noticed was his pretty blue eyes. “What is your name?”

“My name?” The guard seemed amusingly surprised.

“Yes, you can give me your name. After all, elite guards are very close to the daughter of an emperor’s position."

His eyes fell guiltily for a second before he lifted his head once again to look back at me. “My name is Faaris Marcellus.”

“Ah, I see.” I cleared my throat awkwardly. Would I be riding with him for the whole day? And if so, would I need to carry a conversation for that long?
Perdita was lucky. She did not have to stand in the awkward position that I was always in–people were too scared to talk to her. For me, however, the majority was unsure if they should or shouldn’t. And when they began talking, they would become confused as to what they would even say.

But the conversation had left off at a horribly awkward note, so I opened my mouth once again. If I was going to a wedding, it would be best to learn how to talk to others.

“So,” I started, trying out a small smile. “I’ve never directly talked to a guard before. What is it like being in your position?”

His tone changed quickly, now that he was given the opportunity to start a conversation. “It’s, uh–excuse my language–extremely boring.” Faaris flashed a quick smile as if he had told a joke. I instantly took a liking to the way he spoke. “It consists of many hours walking through the halls. And it is quite lonely as well, with no one to talk to. To be blunt, I am very glad I was chosen to accompany you today.”

I smiled up at him. “I am glad as well. Although it is very thrilling to be going to an emperor’s wedding, I would rather not spend the ride there with only my thoughts to keep me busy. I don’t do very well when I can only listen to myself speak. I actually did not get much sleep last night–I was too busy talking to myself and–” I stopped for a moment, feeling a small tug of color at my cheeks from embarrassment. Faaris looked as though he were suppressing laughter. “What are you smiling for?”

“I didn’t expect you to be like this,” he admitted. “I thought you would be cold like your sister–not to speak badly about her,” he added quickly.

I stifled a quick laugh with my hand. “I would not call her cold. She’s more like a dramatic flare. Cold would best describe her in the aftermath of one of her tempers.”

He seemed shocked to hear me talk like this, but I found it too fun to stop. When I talked with Perdita’s ladies-in-waiting, I was always required to put on a fake show. But a mere guard was different. A man who dedicated his life to protect this empire would not dare to spread rumors about the royal family.

“An empress’s daughter throwing a fit?” I knew he was trying to hold a straight face, but his eyes were smiling. “How would it be to witness something like that?”

“Are you scared to laugh in front of me?” I asked him, almost teasingly. “Because I assure you, laughing will not cost you your job. I am her sister–you may laugh along with me.”

His grin satisfied me. Maybe I was much better at socializing than Perdita had thought–or maybe she was simply jealous at the fact that I was allowed to be more relaxed in conversation than her. When she spoke, she had to remember the reputation she needed to keep.

Most times, I felt relieved I was not the firstborn.

The carriage began to jolt forward, and I took in a sharp breath. At that moment, I realized there really was no turning back now. I was doing this for Perdita. No matter how much I despised her dramaticy and stubbornness, it was impossible to deny my love for her. She was my sister–how could I not love her?

I would do anything for her.

.⋅ ✦ ⋅.


It was a furiously dark night when I awoke to the carriage rattling to a stop. My guard was asleep, and I blearily smiled at the fact that he was still sitting up–as if he would be too embarrassed to slump in front of me. We had not talked much during the ride, but the silence had not been uncomfortable either. In fact, I had enjoyed my time and began to secretly be grateful that Perdita wasn’t here. If she had joined us, Faaris would have been too afraid to speak.

The carriage doors opened and I hesitantly reached a hand out to him. “I think we are here,” I said quietly, softly shaking him awake.

He opened an eye, and I felt startled that maybe he had not even been asleep. I withdrew my hands from his arm as he straightened up tiredly. There was a hazy atmosphere around us, as if sleep had taken away our senses.

I was helped out of the carriage, which I found rather embarrassing, but I knew it was how Perdita was treated.

I could not even begin to imagine being an empress. How would it feel, to be surrounded with duties and royals and the constant stress of looking good for your people? At times, I understood why Perdita was so frustratingly uptight, because I knew she had been taught from the beginning to follow in the footsteps of our mother. But there were always other moments, where I found myself infuriated at the audacity my older sister had.

“Ms. Viotto.” I turned my head up tiredly toward the man who had addressed me. He was standing by the carriage, a hand on his suit as if he had just waltzed through a ballroom to greet me. “Welcome to the Western Empire. I take it you have never been here before?”

“No, I have not. It’s very…splendid.” I felt extremely uncomfortable. What was I supposed to say? It had been dark out for the last few hours so that I had drawn the curtains over the carriage windows. I hadn’t even seen what the Western Empire looked like yet. All I could see now, illuminated by the candles perched in streetlamps, was a winding stone pathway up to what looked like a decently sized house. It was all very symmetrical, each tree trimmed to the same uniformed size and every stone cut into satisfying squares.

“I’m glad.” He nodded slightly at Faaris by my side, dismissing him. “We’ve been ordered to prepare a room for you in one of the country’s most famous inns. Then tomorrow, your next stop will be the castle.”

I nodded along, standing awkwardly in the chill of the night. It was much colder now that the sun was down, and the stress boiling inside of me made no effort to calm the winds down.

“Now,” the man said. “Follow me. I will take you to your quarters.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━

end of chapter 2

proofreader(s) for chapter two: @-chanson, @cringey_art

[if you find any errors (spelling mistakes/uneven paragraph splits/wrong punctuation use) please lmk]

Last edited by SaiIAway (Jan. 14, 2021 19:41:36)


EitS chapters (quick selection)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━
#moonbaes #cinnamonthicc #triangleman
-chanson
Scratcher
9 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

oooooo oml this is so good!! it was hard to find things to critique, but here's a few things you could make better (i got super picky haha)-

“I had been too angry to sleep the night before and now, laying in bed and feeling so heavy with sleep…” sleep is used twice in the same sentence. maybe try replacing it one of those times with a synonym instead? i can't think of any rn because my brain is kind of dead but thesaurus.com is helpful

“Mother let out a sigh and unfolded the paper, letting Perdita’s question hover untouched.” here, you said ‘let’ and ‘letting’ and that's kind of repetitive (again haha). instead of ‘letting,’ i would say ‘leaving.’ you could also change the ‘let’ to something else

“Lilith was our older cousin, born from Father’s younger brother.” uhh might just be me, but ‘born from’ is super weird in this sentence. what i'd say instead would maybe be ‘the daughter of father’s younger brother' (or is that too repetitive hmm) idkk it just sounds super awkward to say ‘born from’ haha

“We were supposed to have an older sibling, but it died soon after Mother had confirmed the pregnancy.” not a super huge thing, but change ‘it’ to ‘they.’ people should never be referred to as ‘it,’ even if they're dead (but i know it's a mistake haha) you can also change ‘it’ to ‘the child.’

“But what about you, Father!“ this one is a personal choice, but I think it should be a question mark, not an exclamation point. (but if you want it to convey more of an outrageous tone, you don't have to change this)

”Why my birthday of all days?” there should be a comma between ‘birthday’ and ‘of’

“You’re thinking very irrationally and immature, Perdita.” instead of immature, since you used an ing word before (thinking), i'd say either ‘immaturely’ or ‘being immature.’

“She scoffed and then stabbed one of the sliced potatoes with her fork.” this one's personal choice again, but i would change ‘she’ to ‘my sister,’ since the mom was the one talking right before this. but, because of the context clues, it's obvious that perdita is the one doing these stuff, so it's your choice

“We all know how antisocial you are at times.” i feel like this doesn't fit with what's going on. maybe you meant to say ‘social’ instead of ‘antisocial?’ idk lol

AAA I LOVED THE WHOLE THING!! IT WAS SO WELL PLANNED OUT, AND THE PLOT WAS TOO GOOD! i'll do the second chapter later (i have school sadly haha) but i can't wait to read it! good job bro <3

Last edited by -chanson (Nov. 24, 2020 18:16:13)


i'm tired.
SaiIAway
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

-chanson wrote:

oooooo oml this is so good!! it was hard to find things to critique, but here's a few things you could make better (i got super picky haha)-
that was SUPER helpful!! you definitely found a handful of errors i made,, so thank you sooo much for taking the time to point them out ;;; you're crazy AWESOME <3

EitS chapters (quick selection)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━
#moonbaes #cinnamonthicc #triangleman
MyMessage
Scratcher
41 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

Nice, I don't have much words, it's just really good.

Loading…
SaiIAway
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

MyMessage wrote:

Nice, I don't have much words, it's just really good.
thanks!!

EitS chapters (quick selection)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━
#moonbaes #cinnamonthicc #triangleman
the_weird_stuff
Scratcher
6 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

absolutely lovely. i love this type of story, and i really can’t wait to see more of it. the era fits so well with the story, and the language is amazing

Last edited by the_weird_stuff (Nov. 27, 2020 20:28:28)

SaiIAway
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

the_weird_stuff wrote:

absolutely lovely. i love this type of story, and i really can’t wait to see more of it. the era fits so well with the story, and the language is amazing
aww thats so nice :’D thank you!!

EitS chapters (quick selection)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━
#moonbaes #cinnamonthicc #triangleman
H10Scratch
Scratcher
3 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

This should honestly be published as a book, that's how good it is!

Hey, I'm H10Scratch, but you can call me Hadude.
I enjoy playing Minecraft, Pokemon, and finally, Scratch!
My favorite subject is probably math.
BYE!
ldyllic
Scratcher
2 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

this is amazing!! i don't think i have any critiques right now, but this is lovely <33
SaiIAway
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

H10Scratch wrote:

This should honestly be published as a book, that's how good it is!
woahh omg thank you ;; <3

EitS chapters (quick selection)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━
#moonbaes #cinnamonthicc #triangleman
MLLGS
Scratcher
3 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

Nice!

-@MLLGS (Nickname: Rose)

New projects every week!!

Working on:

~WoTW - weekly
~Games
~Animations
~Art
~And so much more!

Your follow matters.
astroquality
Scratcher
1 post

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

Woah.. I didn’t really read I just skimmed through (Sorry lol :,00) but ut seems like you worked hard on it so good work! I’m an author myself! But I specialize in comics. Keep the good work up though!

@astroquality
a-lesbian
Scratcher
96 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

This is super good! I love it and can't wait for the next chapter!

ay i'm les! i use they/them pronouns, and am an activist, athlete, artist, writer, and programmer. i enjoy building, cooking, math, science, memes, and reading.

writing an essay about cissexism and gender identities! https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/483172/?page=2#post-4921026
wear a mask, reduce waste and emissions, follow the community guidelines, stay proud, and have a nice day <3
-chanson
Scratcher
9 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

woo i got to the second chapter!! it was amazing, maybe even better than the first (if that's possible fja;kldmf) but here's some things i found to critique (it's not a lot so don't worry lol)-

“The third night, however, was only for the close friends of the emperor and empress.” i'd also add family, bc the main character doesn't seem like a friend of the soon-to-be empress, but i know that she's family.

“Although…I knew it was a smart decision.” over here, this is personal choice, but i would add maybe one or two sentences describing why she knows it's smart? idk if you did this later so ignore this if you want haha

“It prevented me from doing any outdoor activity…” ‘outdoor activity’ is kind of… stiff, i guess? idk how to explain it, but i'd replace those words with ‘anything outside,’ so it sounds more like something a kid would think. hopefully that makes sense-

“Although you’re too dense to believe me, I do not lie when I say I am sick, Verity…” in this, i'd change ‘i do not lie’ to ‘i am not lying,’ but it's up to you because they're supposed to be of a higher class, so they probably speak differently than other people

“In fact, I had enjoyed my time and began to secretly be grateful that Perdita wasn’t here.” instead of ‘began to secretly be grateful,’ i would say ‘started to be secretly grateful’ or something along those lines. this is personal preference though, it isn't really a big deal haha

“I said quietly, jostling him awake.” again, this depends on what you were going for with this word choice, but since it seems like a gentle motion, i wouldn't say ‘jostling.’ ‘softly shook’ or something the conveys the message of it being a small movement would be a good replacement (just my opinion, it honestly doesn't really matter lol)

“I could not even begin to imagine being an Empress.” was ‘empress’ supposed to be capitalized?

the rest of it is so great! i didn't find any really big errors with anything, so this is super well written! i'm stunned- again, good job bro!! <3

Last edited by -chanson (Nov. 30, 2020 20:06:51)


i'm tired.
cringey_art
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

This is amazing!!!!!!!!!!! I started reading it a few days ago but was pretty busy, but I've read both chapters now!! I love the plot, it's really interesting!!

Also, I know this is super small and a really easy mistake to make when typing pretty fast, but there should be a quotation mark right at the end of this:

“Yes, you can give me your name. After all, elite guards are very close to the daughter of an emperor’s position.

I didn't catch anything else other than that!!
Can't wait for the third chapter (no need to rush, though ^^)-

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
┍━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━┑
read EITS by SaiIAway now or else: Embers in the Snow

ONE EIGHT SEVEN SEVEN KARS 4 KIDS
┕━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━┙
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
firesideangel
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

Aah I can't get over how much I'm enjoying this! xD I've read it like 3 times now and I'm still not bored which never happens! Very excited to see the third chapter :>

Last edited by firesideangel (Dec. 2, 2020 16:52:01)


EHEHE

An apple a day keeps anyone away




if you throw it hard enough :>
tiiredspace
New to Scratch
1 post

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

ah great plot!! love the use of word choices and dialogue
SaiIAway
Scratcher
100+ posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story


━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━

chapter 3


I had barely slept once again and found myself drowsily climbing back into the carriage the following morning. I couldn’t remember any of the events that had taken place last night except for pacing the length of the room with one cup of tea after the other. Faaris had visited late in the night multiple times–was it three or four?–and watched as I’d fretted over nothing. We hadn’t acknowledged each other during that time, but I supposed it was because we were both too tired to talk.

Faaris was a very dedicated man. Over the day we had spent together, I realized how much I yearned to be like him. Like an unhealthy obsession, I found myself hoping he would continue to journey with me to the castle.

Settling back on the velvet seats, I tried to close my eyes; my thoughts would not cease to stop running wildly throughout my head. It was like a ravaging parade of “what if’s” that was impossible to get rid of.

“Good morning, Your Majesty.” The words had a hint of teasing to them as Faaris stuck his head through the carriage door. I looked up with a start, surprised to see his face.

“You’re still here.” It was a statement, not a question, but he still nodded vigorously.

“I’m still here. Would you like me to leave?”

I abruptly shook my head. “No, no. Come sit down. I’m glad there was no replacement guard.”

Faaris laughed slightly as he ducked under to enter the carriage. His hand rested at the hilt of the sword–just the same as last night when he had watched me pace my room. With my mind drawing back to those hours, I suddenly wondered if he had gotten any more sleep than I had. Every other hour, Faaris had visited. Did that mean he was unable to sleep as well?

I did not bother to ask, however, knowing that it was an unnecessary question. Who was I to worry about his own choices? Besides, I already had too much on my mind to add yet another thought.

“Actually,” he started, settling back in his seat. “About the replacement guard–there was one. But I figured I was still fresh enough to take their spot.”

A laugh escaped my throat, and I covered my mouth with a gloved hand. “Mr. Marcellus! Did you pay the replacement guard just to spend more time with me?”

He was grinning loudly, something childish on his face for an elite like him. “Why should I not?”

“Because people will talk!” I exclaimed, shaking my head slightly.

“Do you believe a few rumors could harm me? And after all, I have good reasons to stay by your side. I’m an elite guard–it’s my duty to protect the royal family.” His grin had dropped, but the corners of his mouth were still raised in humor. “I do not care about my reputation. And neither should you; we are both part of the lower classes.”

“You compare the daughter of an empress to you?” I pretended to be taken aback. “If I am of lower class, then you must be mingling casually with servants.”

“Ms. Viotto,” he laughed nervously. “I do hope you are merely toying with me.”

“Of course, I am. I know how alike our titles are. You are simply a guard, and I am simply the younger sister of a princess.”

He looked up at me, something like a spark of interest flickering in his expression. I straightened myself up rather pridefully before smiling back at him.
“What? Is there something wrong?” I asked teasingly.

“It’s just that…” he seemed to be putting together the sentence in his head, finding the best way to transfer the thought into words, “even with hours of talking yesterday, I still find myself surprised with how differently you carry yourself. I expected all nobles to act the same.”

I lifted an eyebrow. “My sister isn’t much different from me. It’s just that she has to act like royalty around everyone else.”

Faaris leaned forward almost excitedly on his elbows, raising his eyebrows. “No one ever talks about the future empress. What is she like?”

With a laugh, I glanced down at my folded hands. “What is she like? Well…it’s impossible to describe her qualities without badmouthing them. Although I’m sure you’d keep quiet about it, as a sister I should be respectful as well.”

“Well, that’s alright. I get it,” he nodded his head quickly.

“You could at least try to be more formal with me,” I said with a snort.

“Why should I? Just as you said, we are the same class.”

“So let’s not stoop to a lower class’s way of speech,” I responded simply. The carriage rattled a little as the driver climbed onto the front seat, and through the tiny window above Faaris’ head I saw him gather the reins in his hands.

“It’s not like we have reputations to keep.” He drew my attention back to his face, and I raised a questioning expression.

“What do you mean, Mr. Marcellus? You have a job to lose, do you not?”

“Do I?” Faaris gave a nonchalant shrug as the carriage started to bump down the rocky path away from the rooms we had stayed in.

“Yes, you do. Elite guards are under strict regulations, and if you were to break one it could ruin your entire life. You’d be cast out, turned into an outcast in mere seconds.”

“You don’t know me well enough, then, princess.” At the nickname he gave me, Faaris cracked a small grin before leaning back in his seat.

“Ah, so you’re one of those men,” I said slowly, brow furrowed.

“One of who?”

I cleared my throat before pulling the gloves from my hands, setting them down to the side. I liked the buildup I was creating–it made me feel as if I were inside of one of the stories I read. “My sister and I like to call them ‘General’s Sons’. You know, special treatment because of the titles they hold.” I grinned at him.

“Oh, so you think I cheated my way to the top?” His expression twisted into something like mock-hurt.

“I never said such a thing, Mr. Marcellus. And if I may say so, you aren’t at the ‘top’ yet either.”

“Aw, there’s no need to be so straightforward, princess.” But he looked happy, stretching back on the velvet seat comfortably. When was the last time I had truly joked around with someone other than my family? It felt nice to be able to trust someone enough like this.

“Mr. Marcellus…” I said, breaking the comfortable silence. “Would you like to consider us as friends?”

“If it means I can call you Verity,” he nodded with a small smirk, “then of course.”

I snorted a small laugh. “You take sayings that men use on women to catch their attention– and then you use them on me.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Is that bad?”

“To make things clear,” I started slowly. “I am not interested.”

Faaris let out a loud laugh, the corners of his eyes pinching with his wide grin. “I am your guard today, Verity. I’m not even allowed to take your hand unless I am helping you from a carriage. Don’t mistake my intentions for something else–all I wish is for your safety.”

I felt heat rise to my face. “Have other women mistaken your advances for flirting?”

“I don’t talk to women quite often,” he joked.

I gave an embarrassed huff. “That’s extremely apparent.”

.⋅ ✦ ⋅.


A sense of familiarity overcame me when the carriage rolled to a stop once again in the night. This felt the same as the ride yesterday, but instead of the door opening to a darkened path on a silent trail, it was replaced by the towering castle of the Western Emperor.

The architecture looked stunning, so foreign compared to my own home. Here, instead of pillars and wide openings to the outside courtyards, there were small rectangular windows and pointed roofs. Balconies dotted along rusty brick walls.

“Not much to look at when you compare it to the Eastern kingdom,” Faaris said as he climbed out of the carriage.

I hushed him with a shake of my head. “Don’t say that. There’s no need to speak badly of the Western kingdom.”

He held out a gloved hand to me and I took it, stepping from the carriage. “No one is around to hear, though–”

“You’ve arrived.” The voice startled Faaris and he quickly straightened up in embarrassment. I gave him a look before turning to meet whoever was welcoming me.

I was surprised to see a young lady standing with her hands clasped giddily behind her back, short blonde curls framing her face. At first I didn’t recognize her, but when she took my hands in her own, pinching my wrists, nostalgia washed over me.

“Lilith!” I exclaimed, looking up in surprise. “Is that you?”

“Of course it is, you silly.” She grinned at me before letting go of my hands. “Where is my Perdita?”

I glanced over my shoulder at Faaris, but he was stiffly standing there as if he was back in the halls of the Eastern Kingdom. At first, I wondered why he was acting so strange, but then remembered quickly that Lilith was an empress.

Realizing I had become distracted with my thoughts, still staring at Faaris, I quickly turned around. “Ah, Perdita?” Lilith nodded. “She’s back at home. She couldn’t make it because of her birthday.”

“Oh, please.” My cousin–the Empress–rolled her eyes and folded her arms. “I really thought she would come to see her favorite cousin be married.” I lifted an eyebrow as Lilith stuck out her bottom lip. It was impossible to imagine myself faking a pout like that.

“She’s sick, too,” I added.

“Sick?”

With a nod, I pursed my lips. “So she sent me to take her position since I’m the younger sister.”

Lilith frowned. “It’s been months since I’ve seen my little sister…I wish I could see how she’s doing. And anyways, parties are no fun without Perdita.”

“But at least I’m here.”

“Yes, but you’re Verity.” She sighed heavily out her nose.

I felt hurt, but kept my expression solid as Lilith gestured for a parasol to be handed to her. I realized then that there were several maids waiting behind her–I didn’t know why she would need that many, but it would be rude to ask.

When she opened her parasol over her head and turned back to me, she gave another grin. For some odd reason, it felt less warm than the first. Maybe it was because she realized the second-best sister would be acting as a replacement. “You’ve grown quite a lot since I’ve last seen you,” she said.

“And you cut your hair. I like it.” I nodded politely.

“I’m sure you almost didn’t recognize me.” Lilith patted at the curls pridefully. “I had them done by a popular hairdresser for the wedding. The Emperor hasn’t even seen it yet.”

“…I’m sure he’ll love your hair.” It felt sarcastic coming from my lips, but I had nothing else to respond with. It was too hard to talk comfortably with Lilith.

“You know, Verity,” she started, tipping the parasol over one shoulder. “Your face hasn’t changed much. It’s still so chubby.”

I could feel my upper lip twitch. “Thank you,” I responded simply. Was she insulting me? Or did she think it was a compliment to point out a rounded face?

Just before Lilith could open her mouth again, I hurriedly turned to my guard. “Faaris,” I said, my eyes flitting back at my cousin for a second to see if she noticed I had said his first-name. She had an eyebrow lifted.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” He stepped forward, still as stiff as before.

“Grab my bags. Let’s go find the room I will be staying in.”

Lilith straightened up. “I can show you to it–”

“That won’t be necessary.” This time I was the one to give her a snarky grin before turning and taking Faaris’ arm.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━

end of chapter 3

proofreaders for chapter three: @firesideangel, @CosmicKiwi, @honeyybunch

[if you find any errors (spelling mistakes/uneven paragraph splits/wrong punctuation use) please lmk]

Last edited by SaiIAway (Jan. 14, 2021 19:42:27)


EitS chapters (quick selection)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━
#moonbaes #cinnamonthicc #triangleman
MyMessage
Scratcher
41 posts

Embers in the Snow ✦ a story

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