AHH YAY CHAPTER 3 IS OUTT IT'S SO GOOD
A couple small errors I found:

This one isn't quite an error, but, “I couldn’t remember any of the events that had taken place last night except for pacing the length of the room with one cup of tea after the other.” kind of gets to be a run-on sentence; maybe try saying something like, “I couldn’t remember any of the events that had taken place last night. Well, except for pacing the length of the room with one cup of tea after the other.” instead?

“Settling back on the velvet seats, I tried to close my eyes but my thoughts would not cease to stop running throughout my head,” again, gets to be a little bit of a run-on sentence. You might also add a little bit more imagery there, adding in words like ‘running wild’ or something?

“…but instead of the door opening to a darkened path on a silent trail, it was replaced by the towering castle of the Eastern Emperor.”
I think using “instead” and “replaced” in the same phrase makes it a little bit confusing? Maybe that's just me? But I feel like they kind of mean the same thing so it's a little bit weird to use them like that? I don't know how to explain what I mean

“…so foreign to my own home.” I think this kind of implies that rather than comparing it to your own home, you're saying that it feels unnatural for your home, not that it feels unnatural to you. Adding in “in comparison” or something similar to that after “foreign” might help with that

“She sighed heavily out her nose.” I feel like it might make more sense if you said ‘through her nose’ rather than ‘out her nose’? This one isn't grammatically wrong or anything though :>

“I didn’t know why she would need that much,” ‘Much’ should be ‘many’

Other than those, this story is absolutely amazingg and I love the ending hehe

bvdkjshua;dsvkvjjfbdjk:vjjk; this story keeps getting better and better-

Just a few bits of feedback! I myself am a writer, maybe you could give me some as well! Ok, this is solely based around my opinions so take all of this with a grain of salt.

1) I realized how desirous I was to be like him. : something about this sounds off. I feel like desirous just sounds a little out of place in this sentence. Perhaps use another synonym for desire. Of course something with flourish and that fits the era.

2) Faaris laughed slightly as he ducked under to enter the carriage. : Ducked under what? This whole story is very elaborate and sprinkled with detail, so might as well add a little more detail to this phrase.

3) the corners of his mouth were still raised in humor. : Again, may just be me but something sounds off. Perhaps you can say, (just an idea, again) “However his mouth was still quirked humorously,” just an idea- of course.

4) transfer the thought to words : I would use into instead of to, ex: transfer(ing) the thought into words

5) A familiarity passed over me : Perhaps use, “a sense of familiarity overcame me,” the sentence just doesn't flow right in my opinion.

That is about it! Take everything I say with a grain of salt, since we both have very different writing styles and what I write is much different in structure and wording than yours. What might look great to me might look off to you and vice versa. Great story by the way!

Just a few bits of feedback! I myself am a writer, maybe you could give me some as well! Ok, this is solely based around my opinions so take all of this with a grain of salt.

1) I realized how desirous I was to be like him. : something about this sounds off. I feel like desirous just sounds a little out of place in this sentence. Perhaps use another synonym for desire. Of course something with flourish and that fits the era.

2) Faaris laughed slightly as he ducked under to enter the carriage. : Ducked under what? This whole story is very elaborate and sprinkled with detail, so might as well add a little more detail to this phrase.

3) the corners of his mouth were still raised in humor. : Again, may just be me but something sounds off. Perhaps you can say, (just an idea, again) “However his mouth was still quirked humorously,” just an idea- of course.

4) transfer the thought to words : I would use into instead of to, ex: transfer(ing) the thought into words

5) A familiarity passed over me : Perhaps use, “a sense of familiarity overcame me,” the sentence just doesn't flow right in my opinion.

That is about it! Take everything I say with a grain of salt, since we both have very different writing styles and what I write is much different in structure and wording than yours. What might look great to me might look off to you and vice versa. Great story by the way!

CosmicKiwi wrote:

Wow this is so good!! The only thing it’d point out is in this paragraph:

“You’ve arrived.” The voice started Faaris and he quickly straightened up in embarrassment. I give him a look before turning to meet whoever was welcoming me.

I believe you mean startled? I think you could use it the way you did, it’d make a little more sense if you added an “L” in there though lol

aa thank you for catching that!! <3

firesideangel wrote:

AHH YAY CHAPTER 3 IS OUTT IT'S SO GOOD
A couple small errors I found:

awesome!! that's so much help tysm ;; <333

this is a really good story! one thing that i noticed that wasn't quite right was “i give him a look” (in chapter 3)… isn't it supposed to be “I gave him a look”? I read all 3 chapters, and they are really good!

Rosalina607 wrote:

this is a really good story! one thing that i noticed that wasn't quite right was “i give him a look” (in chapter 3)… isn't it supposed to be “I gave him a look”? I read all 3 chapters, and they are really good!

oh!! i dont know how i didnt catch that ;; thank youuu

Omg, this is like a real book! I can’t wait to see the next chapter!

SaiIAway wrote:

table of contents

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3

━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

chapter 3

I had barely slept once again and found myself drowsily climbing back into the carriage the following morning. I couldn’t remember any of the events that had taken place last night except for pacing the length of the room with one cup of tea after the other. Faaris had visited late in the night multiple times–was it three or four?–and watched as I’d fretted over nothing. We hadn’t acknowledged each other during that time, but I supposed it was because we were both too tired to talk.

Faaris was a very dedicated man. Over the day we had spent together, I realized how much I yearned to be like him. Like an unhealthy obsession, I found myself hoping he would continue to journey with me to the castle.

Settling back on the velvet seats, I tried to close my eyes; my thoughts would not cease to stop running wildly throughout my head. It was like a ravaging parade of “what if’s” that was impossible to get rid of.

“Good morning, Your Majesty.” The words had a hint of teasing to them as Faaris stuck his head through the carriage door. I looked up with a start, surprised to see his face.

“You’re still here.” It was a statement, not a question, but he still nodded vigorously.

“I’m still here. Would you like me to leave?”

I abruptly shook my head. “No, no. Come sit down. I’m glad there was no replacement guard.”

Faaris laughed slightly as he ducked under to enter the carriage. His hand rested at the hilt of the sword–just the same as last night when he had watched me pace my room. With my mind drawing back to those hours, I suddenly wondered if he had gotten any more sleep than I had. Every other hour, Faaris had visited. Did that mean he was unable to sleep as well?

I did not bother to ask, however, knowing that it was an unnecessary question. Who was I to worry about his own choices? Besides, I already had too much on my mind to add yet another thought.

“Actually,” he started, settling back in his seat. “About the replacement guard–there was one. But I figured I was still fresh enough to take their spot.”

A laugh escaped my throat, and I covered my mouth with a gloved hand. “Mr. Marcellus! Did you pay the replacement guard just to spend more time with me?”

He was grinning loudly, something childish on his face for an elite like him. “Why should I not?”

“Because people will talk!” I exclaimed, shaking my head slightly.

“Do you believe a few rumors could harm me? And after all, I have good reasons to stay by your side. I’m an elite guard–it’s my duty to protect the royal family.” His grin had dropped, but the corners of his mouth were still raised in humor. “I do not care about my reputation. And neither should you; we are both part of the lower classes.”

“You compare the daughter of an empress to you?” I pretended to be taken aback. “If I am of lower class, then you must be mingling casually with servants.”

“Ms. Viotto,” he laughed nervously. “I do hope you are merely toying with me.”

“Of course, I am. I know how alike our titles are. You are simply a guard, and I am simply the younger sister of a princess.”

He looked up at me, something like a spark of interest flickering in his expression. I straightened myself up rather pridefully before smiling back at him.
“What? Is there something wrong?” I asked teasingly.

“It’s just that…” he seemed to be putting together the sentence in his head, finding the best way to transfer the thought into words, “even with hours of talking yesterday, I still find myself surprised with how differently you carry yourself. I expected all nobles to act the same.”

I lifted an eyebrow. “My sister isn’t much different from me. It’s just that she has to act like royalty around everyone else.”

Faaris leaned forward almost excitedly on his elbows, raising his eyebrows. “No one ever talks about the future empress. What is she like?”

With a laugh, I glanced down at my folded hands. “What is she like? Well…it’s impossible to describe her qualities without badmouthing them. Although I’m sure you’d keep quiet about it, as a sister I should be respectful as well.”

“Well, that’s alright. I get it,” he nodded his head quickly.

“You could at least try to be more formal with me,” I said with a snort.

“Why should I? Just as you said, we are the same class.”

“So let’s not stoop to a lower class’s way of speech,” I responded simply. The carriage rattled a little as the driver climbed onto the front seat, and through the tiny window above Faaris’ head I saw him gather the reins in his hands.

“It’s not like we have reputations to keep.” He drew my attention back to his face, and I raised a questioning expression.

“What do you mean, Mr. Marcellus? You have a job to lose, do you not?”

“Do I?” Faaris gave a nonchalant shrug as the carriage started to bump down the rocky path away from the rooms we had stayed in.

“Yes, you do. Elite guards are under strict regulations, and if you were to break one it could ruin your entire life. You’d be cast out, turned into an outcast in mere seconds.”

“You don’t know me well enough, then, princess.” At the nickname he gave me, Faaris cracked a small grin before leaning back in his seat.

“Ah, so you’re one of those men,” I said slowly, brow furrowed.

“One of who?”

I cleared my throat before pulling the gloves from my hands, setting them down to the side. I liked the buildup I was creating–it made me feel as if I were inside of one of the stories I read. “My sister and I like to call them ‘General’s Sons’. You know, special treatment because of the titles they hold.” I grinned at him.

“Oh, so you think I cheated my way to the top?” His expression twisted into something like mock-hurt.

“I never said such a thing, Mr. Marcellus. And if I may say so, you aren’t at the ‘top’ yet either.”

“Aw, there’s no need to be so straightforward, princess.” But he looked happy, stretching back on the velvet seat comfortably. When was the last time I had truly joked around with someone other than my family? It felt nice to be able to trust someone enough like this.

“Mr. Marcellus…” I said, breaking the comfortable silence. “Would you like to consider us as friends?”

“If it means I can call you Verity,” he nodded with a small smirk, “then of course.”

I snorted a small laugh. “You take sayings that men use on women to catch their attention– and then you use them on me.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Is that bad?”

“To make things clear,” I started slowly. “I am not interested.”

Faaris let out a loud laugh, the corners of his eyes pinching with his wide grin. “I am your guard today, Verity. I’m not even allowed to take your hand unless I am helping you from a carriage. Don’t mistake my intentions for something else–all I wish is for your safety.”

I felt heat rise to my face. “Have other women mistaken your advances for flirting?”

“I don’t talk to women quite often,” he joked.

I gave an embarrassed huff. “That’s extremely apparent.”

.⋅ ✦ ⋅.

A sense of familiarity overcame me when the carriage rolled to a stop once again in the night. This felt the same as the ride yesterday, but instead of the door opening to a darkened path on a silent trail, it was replaced by the towering castle of the Eastern Emperor.

The architecture looked stunning, so foreign compared to my own home. Here, instead of pillars and wide openings to the outside courtyards, there were small rectangular windows and pointed roofs. Balconies dotted along rusty brick walls.

“Not much to look at when you compare it to the Eastern kingdom,” Faaris said as he climbed out of the carriage.

I hushed him with a shake of my head. “Don’t say that. There’s no need to speak badly of the Western kingdom.”

He held out a gloved hand to me and I took it, stepping from the carriage. “No one is around to hear, though–”

“You’ve arrived.” The voice startled Faaris and he quickly straightened up in embarrassment. I gave him a look before turning to meet whoever was welcoming me.

I was surprised to see a young lady standing with her hands clasped giddily behind her back, short blonde curls framing her face. At first I didn’t recognize her, but when she took my hands in her own, pinching my wrists, nostalgia washed over me.

“Lilith!” I exclaimed, looking up in surprise. “Is that you?”

“Of course it is, you silly.” She grinned at me before letting go of my hands. “Where is my Perdita?”

I glanced over my shoulder at Faaris, but he was stiffly standing there as if he was back in the halls of the Eastern Kingdom. At first, I wondered why he was acting so strange, but then remembered quickly that Lilith was an empress.

Realizing I had become distracted with my thoughts, still staring at Faaris, I quickly turned around. “Ah, Perdita?” Lilith nodded. “She’s back at home. She couldn’t make it because of her birthday.”

“Oh, please.” My cousin–the Empress–rolled her eyes and folded her arms. “I really thought she would come to see her favorite cousin be married.” I lifted an eyebrow as Lilith stuck out her bottom lip. It was impossible to imagine myself faking a pout like that.

“She’s sick, too,” I added.

“Sick?”

With a nod, I pursed my lips. “So she sent me to take her position since I’m the younger sister.”

Lilith frowned. “It’s been months since I’ve seen my little sister…I wish I could see how she’s doing. And anyways, parties are no fun without Perdita.”

“But at least I’m here.”

“Yes, but you’re Verity.” She sighed heavily out her nose.

I felt hurt, but kept my expression solid as Lilith gestured for a parasol to be handed to her. I realized then that there were several maids waiting behind her–I didn’t know why she would need that many, but it would be rude to ask.

When she opened her parasol over her head and turned back to me, she gave another grin. For some odd reason, it felt less warm than the first. Maybe it was because she realized the second-best sister would be acting as a replacement. “You’ve grown quite a lot since I’ve last seen you,” she said.

“And you cut your hair. I like it.” I nodded politely.

“I’m sure you almost didn’t recognize me.” Lilith patted at the curls pridefully. “I had them done by a popular hairdresser for the wedding. The Emperor hasn’t even seen it yet.”

“…I’m sure he’ll love your hair.” It felt sarcastic coming from my lips, but I had nothing else to respond with. It was too hard to talk comfortably with Lilith.

“You know, Verity,” she started, tipping the parasol over one shoulder. “Your face hasn’t changed much. It’s still so chubby.”

I could feel my upper lip twitch. “Thank you,” I responded simply. Was she insulting me? Or did she think it was a compliment to point out a rounded face?

Just before Lilith could open her mouth again, I hurriedly turned to my guard. “Faaris,” I said, my eyes flitting back at my cousin for a second to see if she noticed I had said his first-name. She had an eyebrow lifted.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” He stepped forward, still as stiff as before.

“Grab my bags. Let’s go find the room I will be staying in.”

Lilith straightened up. “I can show you to it–”

“That won’t be necessary.” This time I was the one to give her a snarky grin before turning and taking Faaris’ arm.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ ✦ ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

end of chapter 3

proofreaders for chapter three: @firesideangel, @CosmicKiwi, @honeyybunch

[if you find any errors (spelling mistakes/uneven paragraph splits/wrong punctuation use) please lmk]

DUDE. This is so gooood! Can’t wait for chapter four, I honestly love this. I literally just drew Lilith how I imagine her and I’m working on some more of her, so quick question, how short is her hair? I drew it really short and really curly XD

Just_Another_Artist wrote:

DUDE. This is so gooood! Can’t wait for chapter four, I honestly love this. I literally just drew Lilith how I imagine her and I’m working on some more of her, so quick question, how short is her hair? I drew it really short and really curly XD

heyyy there is actually a bust shot ref in my FAQ project!! im currently making official refs for all of the characters but you should be able to find what Verity looks like through that drawing i did of her

This is a nice story. I stan faaris lol

lol samee faaris stans

extrovertedd wrote:

lol samee faaris stans

yess we need a faaris stan studio

why is this story so good aH nice job <33 you will have to let me know when the next chapter is out skdfh

table of contents


chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8
chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14

fan studio | theory studio

That night, after I had asked several maids to direct my way to the guest bedrooms, I sat at the edge of my bed in restlessness. Faaris had already returned to his quarters, so now I was alone to my thoughts just like the night before. At the rate I was going, by the end of the wedding I would be completely sleep-deprived.

Tiredness was already sinking into me, but no matter how hard I tried to let go of the looming anxiety of attending the ball on the second day, it stayed put. I wished Kengi was here, or even Perdita. Anyone, really. I desperately needed a distraction.

As if luck had finally decided to grant me a wish, there was a quick knock at my door. I hurriedly stood and crossed the wooden floor in my slippers, turning the knob.

“Princess.” I felt a smile pull at my face when I saw Faaris standing there, dipping into a mocking bow with one hand at his sword and the other swinging behind him in a flourish.

“What is it, Faaris?” I said with a laugh, shaking my head at his childish actions.

“I was wondering if you were having trouble sleeping again,” he said as he straightened.

I nodded before pulling the door open wider as a gesture for him to step inside. “Yes, there’s too much on my mind.”

“Do you ever stop thinking, Verity?” he joked.

I let out a huff as he stepped past the door frame and looked around the room curiously. “Apparently not. I’m either thinking, or I’m talking.” Faaris was brushing his fingers across the top of one of the dressers, dust wafting up. I shifted slightly, finding it flustering to be talking to his back. “What about you, though?“ I continued. ”What do you do with all that time standing rooted to one spot? How do you distract yourself?”

“You have a lot of questions this time,” he said, bending to observe one of the paintings. “But if you’d like to know, I’m usually positioned outside; so I look at other things, use the scenery to carry away my thoughts.”

“Do you think there are gardens around this side of the castle?”

Faaris looked over his shoulder at me. “The Western Empire is known for its scenery. Are you suggesting I walk you to one?”

“You can tag along, if you’d like,” I said with a small smile. “But I can walk myself.”

Faaris returned my smile. “No, no.” He shook his head, brown hair falling in his eyes. “I want to walk beside you.”

I raised an eyebrow but then nodded. The way he expressed things sounded so different from the dull, unemotional words other noble families used. “Then let’s go, shall we?” I held out my hand to him, and he offered his arm in reply.



It was dark out when we reached the gardens, the cool fall air settling around us. Small lanterns hung from the twisted iron poles, decorating the foliage with orange light.

“Everything here seems darker than the Eastern Empire,” Faaris pointed out, and for a moment I thought he was talking to himself. “Look, even the leaves are a heavy green.”

“You sound absurd,” I deadpanned. “Comparing the East with the West everywhere you go.”

He bent down to touch one of the leaves, frowning. “How could I not? This is my first time coming here, of course it would be more surprising for me than you.”

“This is my first time as well,” I said, crossing my arms and watching as he sat in a childish giddiness with the flowers and leaves. “I’ve never had any reason to come to the Western Empire until now.”

“Oh, really? I thought if you were part of the royal family you would have visited this place often.” He straightened up and then took the shawl from my hands. I wasn’t using it, so I didn’t protest.

“My parents never took me,” I said simply. Now that I thought about it, I never questioned why I never knew what the Western kingdom looked like. I always thought it was natural for the younger sister to know nothing of it.

“Did they take Perdita?”

I shrugged nonchalantly against the cool breeze. “I wouldn’t know.”

“Mmh…” We both stood there in silence, the flames inside the lanterns flickering excitedly. Slowly, I wrapped my hand around his upper arm once again. He was still wearing the loose waistcoat and puffed-sleeved shirt from the carriage ride, a red ribbon tucked neatly under his chin.

“Don’t you ever sleep, Faaris?” I broke the silence, looking up at him. “You’ve always visited me late at night, and you never wear your sleepwear."

“I wouldn’t want the princess to see me in a nightgown,” he said jokingly, patting my hand with his free one. “But to be serious, I sleep in my clothes with my sword at my side in case something happens.”

How could someone be so loyal that they sacrificed a comfortable rest daily for another person? And to think I had done nothing to earn this faithfulness…I felt as if I was stealing it.

“Let’s walk through the garden, now,” I suggested quickly with a clear of my throat. “I heard when the moon rises, the lakes light up like silver.”

Faaris lifted an eyebrow through the dark as the first lantern faded behind us. I didn’t realize I was staring up at him until he looked down at me, and I quickly averted my eyes to the passing flowers.

“You look very pretty in that gown,” he commented, as if to clear the looming silence. I felt a smile twitch at my features again, but I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me smile at his flirting nonsense.

“Tell me now, Mr. Marcellus. Where do you get these awful lines from? I’m in my nightwear, for heaven’s sake.”

He was shaking with silent laughter, and I couldn’t tell if he was playing with me or not. “I promise, I really was complimenting it. You look better when you aren’t decorated in jewelry and lace like a doll.”

“How rude,” I stated simply, turning my head away from him.

He laughed out loud. “I have a boring sense of style.”

“But you’re surrounded by nobles daily,” I scoffed.

“And that’s why.” Faaris snapped his fingers, and we passed by another lantern. “It’s as if I’m so used to seeing heavily layered gowns and gemstones the size of your palm that I find I am drawn to simpler things.”

He was still holding the shawl, wrapped around his arm loosely. Had he offered to take it just to hold it for me?

“Nothing is simple. Everything has its own wishes and secrets,” I said, glancing at him once again through the dim candlelight. His blue eyes looked so determined–and I scoffed at that reckless thought.

“What are yours?” Faaris asked. He caught my eye, and I looked away.

“I don’t have many,” I admitted, giving a loose shrug. “There were times where I lied to my parents, or a friend entrusted me with a small confession, but I’ve never had a secret so spectacular that I truly felt it was mine to keep.”

“Sometimes you don’t even realize you hold a secret,” Faaris said, his voice heavy through the chilling air. I looked up at him again curiously.

“You say that like you’ve experienced it. Are there any secrets you have kept?”

He looked to the side, at a bush of red flowers barely illuminated by the lanterns. “Yes, but it’s one I can’t tell you.”

“Me specifically?” I pressed, trying to draw his eyes back to mine. Everything he said and did made me more and more curious.

“Ha…” He shook his head slightly with a small smile. “Yes, Verity.”

Something sent a chill up my body–although I had no idea if it was good or bad.

“…So,” I started, slowing to a stop. “Does this ‘secret’ of yours give me any reason not to trust you?”

Faaris was ahead of me now, and turned around to look at me. “No? I’m not sure. It depends on what kind of trust you are talking about.”

I rubbed my arms awkwardly and glanced down at my feet. The world suddenly felt colder without someone to stand beside me, and I hated the cold. But I felt too embarrassed to ask for my shawl back, at least not after what we had just talked about–would Faaris think I was trying to change the subject?

He moved forward so suddenly that my head jerked up. Arms encircling me, I thought he was going to hug me until I felt fabric flutter to my shoulders. Faaris was wrapping the shawl against me as if he had known I was cold, and in an instant, I looked back down in embarrassment.

“I am perfectly capable of putting on my own shawl,” I said stiffly as he pulled his arms back. I could see his black boots just a few feet from my own.

“I know,” he responded simply. “But I was wondering how you would react if I did it for you.”

“Faaris–” I was going to say something, but I could only stand there with my head down, my thoughts tumbling once again.

They stopped when he took my hand in his, firmly gripping my palm. “Let’s go back inside the castle,” he finally said. “I don’t think the garden helped to distract you much.”

I had completely forgotten my intentions for coming here, but it looked like it was too late to go back and try to clear my thoughts again.

“Alright,” I said as I fixed the shawl around my shoulders. I still couldn’t look at Faaris, and I didn’t even know why. Was I still embarrassed? Or was I disappointed that he was keeping something from me?

I bit my lip as I followed after him through the dark, both of us making our way back to the castle.

“Ah…Faaris,” I started and waited, but he didn’t bother to look over his shoulder at me. I knew he had heard me, though, so I continued. “I don’t mean to pry, but about your secret…why can’t you tell me it?”

He was silent, the only sound being our footsteps against the cobbled pathway. I wondered if I was digging too far, asking questions that he didn’t want answered, and so I shut my mouth and continued after him.

A distant rumble broke through the sky, and I looked back at the moon beaming through the dark branches of trees. There weren’t any clouds in sight, but the atmosphere was heavy with the warning of rain. I knew there would be a storm coming soon.

Suddenly, there was a yank on my hand, and Faaris was pulling me underneath the white stone archway of the garden. We had both abruptly come to a halt.

With an inhale, he dropped my hand. “To protect you.”

“What?” I asked, loose strands of my hair tickling the sides of my face as another breeze passed by.

“You asked why I can’t tell you my secret,” he reminded before sighing and brushing away my hair from my face. “It’s to protect you. That’s all I can say.”

Faaris was being completely serious this time–I could tell just by looking up at his face as he lowered his hand from my head. I saw no quirk on his lips or a raise of his eyebrows, both of which I had grown accustomed to from all the many times he'd joked with me.

It was surprising how, although we had only spent three days together and I still barely knew this man, I was certain he was telling the truth. Did I trust him too much? Father had always warned me about how there were people out there, people who would backstab you after years of friendship because of one single thought implanted in their minds.

But Faaris had just openly admitted that he had a secret, one that he had to keep from me. If he trusted me this much, should I not do the same? Or, was I just looking for a reason to not let go of him?

“Let’s head back inside, Verity,” he said, pulling me back into reality with his words. “You need to get some sleep.”

proofreader(s) for chapter four: @firesideangel, @Peach_Drawing, @extrovertedd, @-chanson

YESS CHAPTER 4 I HAVE BEEN AWAITING THIS :O aLso I am s p e e d y >

firesideangel wrote:

YESS CHAPTER 4 I HAVE BEEN AWAITING THIS :O aLso I am s p e e d y >

aaa s p e e d

A couple things that I think could be improved/errors:

“As if luck had finally decided to grant me a wish, there was a quick knock at my door. I hurriedly stood and crossed the wooden floor in my slippers, turning to knob.” I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to say here? It should be something like, "…in my slippers, turning the knob,“ or, ”…in my slippers, turning towards the knob,“

”I let out a huff as he stepped past the door frame and looked around the room curiously. ‘Apparently not. I’m either thinking, or I’m talking.’ Faaris was brushing his fingers across the top of one of the dressers, dust wafting up. ‘What about you, though? What do you do with all that time standing rooted to one spot? How do you distract yourself?’ “ I think the second time Verity speaks, it's not quite clear that she is talking, since you were just mentioning Faaris (although ik that to be grammatically correct it would have to be her speaking bc it's one paragraph) so I would suggest somehow clarifying that.

”from the dull unemotional…“ teeny tiny but I'm being picky: there should probably be a comma after ‘dull’

” ‘How could I not? This is my first time coming here, of course, it would be more surprising for me than you.’ “ This second sentence is a little tricky to read, and I'm not exactly sure how you meant to use these words (they could be interpreted a couple different ways) so maybe say, ”This is my first time coming here, of course, so it would be more surprising for me than you,“ or ”This is my first time coming here, of course. It would be more surprising for me than for you,"

That's all! Aaa this story is amazing and I can't wait for the next chapter!!

“This is my first time coming here, of course, it would be more surprising for me than you.” This sentence feels unnaturally long; it should probably be split up into two sentences at either the first or second comma: “This is my first time coming here. Of course, it would be more surprising for me than you.” or “This is my first time coming here, of course. It would be more surprising for me than you.”