firesideangel wrote:

OMG YAYY I THOUGHT THIS WAS COMING OUT TOMORROW BUT lksdcxjkvifuhawsd EARLY WOOT WOOT

aa for some reason i like read over it really quickly?? some times i find so many errors that i gotta rewrite parts and stuff but this time i was pretty happy with the chapter!!

YES YES YES WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Aha! So that's how Aerity (I'm 100% Faarity tho) comes into play

how come every time I read a chapter, the one thing that always sticks out to me is when Verity says, “Mr. Marcellus.”

DipsydoodlesOfficail wrote:

how come every time I read a chapter, the one thing that always sticks out to me is when Verity says, “Mr. Marcellus.”

aa haha because its cute :>

SaiIAway wrote:

DipsydoodlesOfficail wrote:

how come every time I read a chapter, the one thing that always sticks out to me is when Verity says, “Mr. Marcellus.”

aa haha because its cute :>

yes xd

Also, I thot faaris has blue eyes? It was in some artwork you made

--artix-- wrote:

Also, I thot faaris has blue eyes? It was in some artwork you made

OH NO thank you for catching that :’0

SaiIAway wrote:

--artix-- wrote:

Also, I thot faaris has blue eyes? It was in some artwork you made

OH NO thank you for catching that :’0

No problem. Happy to help!

Gosh Crow, stop making me adore each and every one of your characters. No errors that I can think of.

But remember,

you cannot prevent the inevitable.

Shrek-bee

honeyybunch wrote:

Gosh Crow, stop making me adore each and every one of your characters. No errors that I can think of.

But remember,

you cannot prevent the inevitable.

Shrek-bee

NO STAY AWAY FROM ME I THOUGHT I GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON YOU

honeyybunch wrote:

Gosh Crow, stop making me adore each and every one of your characters. No errors that I can think of.

But remember,

you cannot prevent the inevitable.

Shrek-bee

yes, we can't, but shnek-bee isn't in evri table
(hh this is a joke, i can spell fine)

YALL IM GONNA DRAW AERITY NOW AND YOU CANT STOP ME

Alright, just a couple things I think could be better:

“ ‘I doubt I’d like her as much as you.’ ” It depends on what you're saying, but I think you mean that Faaris prefers Verity over Perdita, not that he'd like Perdita more than Verity likes Perdita - so I would clarify that by changing this to, “I doubt I'd like her as much as I like you,”

“ ‘That’s enough.’ The man who had asked me to dance stepped forward, and I quickly looked away as to not catch his eye. ‘Brother, what do you think you’re doing? Do you not want to dance with your affiance?’ ” I think this might make a small bit more sense if you were to say, "That’s enough.” The man who had asked me to dance stepped forward, and I quickly looked away so as to not catch his eye. “Brother, what do you think you’re doing? Do you not want to dance with your affiance?”

“ ‘ …Although it would be nice to grab a few drinks,’ I finally added” there should be a period at the end of this sentence.

“I did not want to leave, but if I stayed around him I would have to deal with the dozens of other women who were already glancing our way,” I think you meant to put a period here, not a comma

“The crimson red carpet twisted under my feet as I wandered down the hallway. I couldn’t remember when the dance had ended, but my shoes were now in my hands and I felt dizzy with sleep. Tomorrow I would have to wake up early for a royal breakfast with the other nobles, and so returning to my bed was my topmost priority now.” I think this is stylistically correct, but if you're trying to follow grammatical rules it should instead be, "Tomorrow I would have to wake up early for a royal breakfast with the other nobles, and OR so (but not both) returning to my bed was my topmost priority now.“ That said, it's up to you to call it on this one : )

”A maid stood in front of me, and it felt almost hauntingly that I had not heard her come up to me.“ I think it should be, ”A maid stood in front of me, and it felt almost haunting that I had not heard her come up to me.“ because it's not used as an adverb here.

”But by the time I figured I had already embarrassed myself, she was far gone down one of the side hallways.“ here, you might instead say, ”But by the time I figured I had already embarrassed myself enough, she was far gone down one of the side hallways." although again it's mostly stylistic.

lskjfhbgjas I love this chapter so much ik there's like,, not that much happening when you think about it but it seems like there's so much action because of the lovely way you wrote it :O

Aagh so sorry for the constant corrections but I feel instead of this-

“Verity,” he said, blue eyes bright through the shadow of his hair. “May I have this dance?”
maybe this?
“Verity,” he said, sapphire eyes bright through the shadow of his hair. “May I have this dance?”
idk now that I reread what I wrote it looks a bit wordy
but maybe azure if not sapphire? Because to emphasize the “bright” we could make it bright like a gem!

SaiIAway wrote:

YALL IM GONNA DRAW AERITY NOW AND YOU CANT STOP ME

that shall be vErY bad for your reputation in the fandom -u-

SaiIAway wrote:

YALL IM GONNA DRAW AERITY NOW AND YOU CANT STOP ME

hey at this point I'm fine with either cause aerith looks- great-i just want the best for verity
I'm still faarity but if its aerity than its fine.

i found an error, though i can't seem to find it again! ;w; you didn't put a period in one of the lines, but it's possible you already fixed it. i'm not sure tho-

keep up the great work <3

AviIio wrote:

i found an error, though i can't seem to find it again! ;w; you didn't put a period in one of the lines, but it's possible you already fixed it. i'm not sure tho-

keep up the great work <3

ill look around for it!! thank tysmmm

sdfgfda yayyyy it's early D