Since SWC is over for the season, should’ve this be closed?

“Arli! Why are you just posting thank-yous now? Isn't it already April nineteenth?”

—–

Okay, I’d like to start by acknowledging that I was nowhere near as active as I should have been this session. Between school and other commitments, it got a bit hectic sometimes, but I really hope I was still a good co-leader for all of the AMAZING people in this cabin. Next session I want to be more active, but you guys are fantastic and deserve it :’) So, without further ado, let’s end Arli’s pity party over here and go into some…

THANK-YOUS!!!!!!!!!
*clap* *applause* *confetti*

Real-Fi Campers:

Oh my goodness you were amazing. This was just so magical, seeing what you guys did with the cabin. Even if we didn’t place the highest or win the most points, you all were still so wonderful as campers. It’s been an honor to be one of your co-leaders, to see all of you spread your positivity throughout dailies and weeklies and cabin wars and cabin destruction (arson academy for life <3). I can see many of you as future (co) leaders, the way you helped each other and worked together… you’d be outstanding <333

East Wing Group:

You guys were so dedicated. A significant portion of you wrote more words than I did :’D And even though our group didn’t prevail (this time around ;>), being able to work with all of you was still a win, at least for me.

Hosts, Co-Hosts, Daily Team, Memory Book Committee, and Ghosts:

You all keep SWC running so well, and it’s just.. AMAZING. None of this would have been possible without each of you, and your hard work and dedication made all the campers and (co)leaders, well, have SWC–and not only that, but have an amazing SWC experience <3

Judges:

Good luck on judging the writing competition!! (/gen) Your hard work is equally fundamental and amazing, I just wanted to create a separate space to cheer you on as you read the undoubtedly amazing entries to the competition <3

Myth-Fi people:

Our sibling hangout was such a fun place B) I loved seeing all of you create the most chaotic scenarios, also thank you for not betraying us too much, if at all ^^ (bad short-term memory let’s go)

Campers and (co)leaders in every cabin:

YOU WERE AMAZING AAAHHHH THIS WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE THANKS TO YOU GUYS :’)

Amy:

*throws crown* You wrote the most words in the East Wing, congratulations!!! _10mil_ I could tell how dedicated you were from the many times I went to update your word count, then realized you’d achieved your word goal. Anyone who has you as a camper in SWC is so lucky, and I’m sure you’d make an amazing leader as well <3

Pearl:

You bring such a positive light to our cabin and I don’t think anyone could deny that. Keep being your amazing self, I have a feeling you’re going to be accepted as a leader/co one day based on your positive energy and dedication!!

Sara:

You helped out a lot in cabin wars, and everyone was so grateful for that. You also were a helpful part of our cabin throughout

Peggy:

There was just about a unanimous vote that you could be one of the prefects in the Real-Fi academy, and I think that surely says something about you. If you applied for leader (no pressure, of course) I’m 95% sure you’d get it. <3

Soki:

Thank you for mentioning me in your thank-yous and how soki are you quiz which I need to take B) being friends with you is very :sparkles: snazzy, and I’m glad we’ve been able to keep in touch after *counts* the session before last. Also, you are undoubtedly one of the best leaders ever.

Luna:

Go to sleep, you deserve it after consistently being one of the most positive, friendly people I’ve ever met D watching the Fan-Fi Forest from a distance, I could tell how amazing you made it, I’m quite glad we weren’t enemies

Cami:

Even if you are apparently a smol child (/J /LH), you made a big impact on SWC this session ^^ Ever since our chaotic round of Fortunately/Unfortunately, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. You’re such a friendly, funny person with great taste <3 -Dogeiana Schuyler
Also thanks to you ‘smol’ is now a word in my Grammarly personal dictionary. Thank you, you are an absolute icon B)

Lily:

Thanks for working on that weekly with me, and for being a really friendly, fun person (and epic writer)!! <3 You’re a great friend and I’m glad I was able to get to know you this session

Snuggle:

I did a really bad job with timezones and realized too late that I had submitted my daily way too late, but doing the imaginary-object daily with you was so fun :’) You’re a creative and talented writer, and I loved working with you!

Luna, Lio, and Fae:

Thank you for your co-leader requests aaa I was very honored <33 Luna, as I wrote before, you’re an amazing friend; Lio, although I didn’t know you as well, I can tell that you’re an epic co-leader; Fae… well, I need to get into that part of the thank-yous

Incorrect use of a semicolon? Probably? Don’t take my word for it?

*drums*

Fae and Scarlet:

Where do I start? Okay, first of all, thank you for being patient with all the random ridiculous things I did, such as accidentally telling one of Fae’s campers that I was so happy to have them in my group. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling the entirety of SWC about this, but oh well. :”)
Fae, from the moment I met you, I knew you’d be such a fun and kind leader. And I was right. Your positivity, kindness, and insanely fantastic writing lit up the Real-Fi academy. (Seriously I need to borrow your writing skills please) I never doubted it, but I can absolutely see why you were chosen as leader. Balancing word count groups and managing cabin interactions and matching profile pictures and everything… my gosh you deserve your own academy celebration for all you’ve done for us <333
And Scarlet, getting to know you has been so amazing. You’re an incredibly kind person who always shares the most positive light. Thank you for never failing to be supportive, for showing your fun and caring personality, and for also sharing your amazing taste in hamilton with me B) Just… even logging on to your profile, anyone could tell how much of an amazing friend and co-leader you would be. You’re so dedicated and always made sure to do your part in the cabin, you also deserve a celebration <333
I’ll never forget this amazing session as co-leader, and all the helpful things you two did to make it amazing. Thank you. <3

Whoever did the amazing cabin destruction:

YOU’RE A GENIUS <3

Phillipa Soo:

Okay yes you’re not here but thank you for giving me the energy to finish many word wars and weeklies :”)

This has been such a fantastic session full of amazing people who I’ll never forget. Even if I didn’t directly mention you here, you still played a part in this session that I’ll never forget. So, for the final time, thank you.

Hi! This is a short piece of writing I have written. I'm sharing it as my excerpt for my co-leader app, as I thought this would be a good place to post it ^^ enjoy!!

Mad by Monotony


A single crystalline droplet. It falls, the only noise in the place. Without the water, there is nothing. Without it, the cave would be flooded with an alien silence: haunting, melancholy, ethereal. Yet oppressive and… empty.
As empty as my heart.
The water shimmers for one moment as it catches the brightness radiated from the one stream of light - the illusion of a gilded waterfall slipping down from above is given from it - before falling into my hands. It’s followed by another, and another. Hardly any water; any more would be too tempting. Nothing can quench the pain until my task is finished. Until the bowl is full. I glance over at it, at the only thing that is lit up in the dark emptiness of my prison. The bowl is the only thing that gives the tedious cycle, the monotonous drag of boredom, a beguiling sense of importance. It’s the only thing that keeps me collecting the water, keeps me dragging myself to carry on. It’s the only thing that is illuminated, set apart from the brooding depths of tangible darkness… The only thing that gives me hope. The gold glints, flooding my mind with images of one of many undulating intonations of dawn and dusk, of the indescribable depths of colours and beauty that I will one day see again.
“More water… More, and more. Eventually…” I mutter, trying to keep the bitterness and the longing out of my voice. Trying to keep my mind on the task. To stop it wandering. To stop it thinking of my emotions or my thirst. I just have to accept it: I’m trapped here until I fill the bowl.
Imprisoned, isolated… alone. Ashamed of myself, grieving for myself, agonised by the pain and the anger.
I stumble forwards, travelling the few steps towards the bowl, wincing at the pain that rushes through my feet. I let the water go, and feel a slight smile wash across my face. “Just a few hundred more times.” I laugh sarcastically. “Then…”
But it’s not soon before I stop smiling. As I move to collect more water, I feel the pain. I feel the thirst and the hunger inside me. But I know it’s worth it. It has to be. I’m doing my part for humanity. Down here, down in the caves, it’s all for a reason.
Or so I tell myself.

I’m still alive!!!

DUDE NO WAY-

Oh wait why have I not unfollowed this discussion Even though it is like very little stoof

DISCLAIMER: This was not meant as an offence to anybody, especially not to @Isauree. This was meant to be a joke, and if anybody finds it offensive it will be removed

I hope you enjoy my short story!


“Today, I would like to tell you why mangoes are bad.” Skye said seriously “I believe that mangoes cause much harm, and now I will give some examples of that.” Skye adjusted her glasses, pausing before continuing once more, determined to convince the rest of scratch writing camp that mangoes were terrible. “You see, mangoes are delicious, a commonly known thing for any sane person.” she said matter-of-factly “However, their seemingly innocent deliciousness is a simple trap to convince you to eat more and more, something that can cause great stomach ache.” she paused, her eyes widening, and she continued dramatically “I am sure many scratch writing campers are familiar with the idea of eating mangoes at night, a delicious treat that many love to do, yet eating mangoes at night can hurt your digestive system. THE MANGOES ARE COMING TO KILL US ALL!” she said, running around the room, waving her hands wildly “THE MANGOES ARE COMING!” she stopped, slowly regaining her composure “Er.. back to the facts,” she said awkwardly “The homeplace of mangoes is , of course, India, and it is a common known fact that spicy foods are relished in India. But eating mangoes with spicy foods will cause indigestion and pain! A mere coincidence?” Skye asked “NO! Mangoes were a purposeful trap laid for us mere mortals, our sight was not great enough to see the true meaning of mangoes!” Skye adjusted her glasses once more “And know, for the conclusion,” she said “NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOOWWN-”

WEEKLY 1


PART 1

Character reference sheet for Luna (The Girl Who Drank The Moon)

Name: Luna
Age: 13
Gender: Female
Pronouns: she/her
Sexuality: straight
Species: witch

Strengths: intelligent, caring, attractive, lovable and understanding.

Weaknesses: mischievous, stubborn, moody, easily angered, clueless about many things.

General view of life: unhateful, loves her life


Relationships:
~grandmother: Xan
~other family: Glerk (monster), Fyrian (dragon)
~ mother: Adara

Tendencies:
~Causes big troubles sometimes
~Gets involved in dangerous adventures
~Tends to get worried a lot

Situations:
~Getting magical powers by mistake
~Being raised by a witch
~Finding her mother

Scenario: Character finds a baby in the oddest of places (kinda cringe )

Many years later, Luna was an intelligent, courteous young woman, but not without her faults. It had been a long time since Xan’s heartbreaking demise, but Luna was not broken. She had made herself a clever young witch who could perform many arts. She was loved and respected by all in the Protectorate.
Once, Luna was taking a walk around the Bog, admiring it’s beauty. As she walked in deeper, she heard a sound; surely the sound of a newborn baby. Luna was intrigued, but worried at the same time. She could hardly be patient as she heard the babbles and cooes and wails growing louder. She started running now, hardly hiding her excitement. But deep inside her chest a nervous worry was starting to take root. With every step she took, the noise grew louder and louder, and her heart started throbbing harder and harder.
And there it was, a little baby, placed gently among the beauty of the Bog. Luna was absolutely fascinated by its sight. Such a beautiful baby! What beautiful skin she had! What luscious hair! What eyes! If looked closely, she had similar eyes as that of Luna’s. Breathtaking eyes that held galaxies and stars in them, but with even more detail. It was Luna’s duty to provide this baby a home. But whose child was it?
She wandered around a bit, hoping to find the parents of this child, but no one was there. A child left alone like she was? It could’ve been fate, but Luna was sure it wasn’t.
She happily skipped home, being careful not to drop the baby. She couldn’t wait to show her mother and everyone else what she’d found. The weather was in favour of her mood that day. Birds were chirping and the sun was shining brightly, but there were too many clouds too.
The baby’s eyes were full of mischief. It was as if she couldn’t wait to come down and run away.
Soon, Luna was amongst the familiar surroundings of the Protectorate, with its familiar faces and houses. She went straight to her mother and showed her the baby she’d found. Her mother was surprised at this new discovery. “Perhaps she is a witch like yourself?”
“That could be so,” And so the young witch kept the baby on a soft matress and became thoughtful for a moment. “Her eyes do look like mine, do they not?”
“Yes, they do seem that way.”
Luna nodded. “Whoever she is, it is our job to raise her. She shall grow up into a wonderful young woman!”

PART 2 (Book: North Child)

Rose is a kind and mischevious girl, who wishes to explore the world. She is selfless, and can sacrifice anything for the people she loves. She cannot bear to see anyone hurt and loves weaving, using it to help people. She is never hesitant to explore new places and meet new people, and conquers all the obstacles boldly. She is daring and strong and believed to be a north child by her mother, a person destined for doom and despair, to be crushed under snow and ice She doesn’t let anyone’s negative remarks discourage her from what she wants to do.
Neddy is not much bold or daring, but much more smart and responsible. He never wants any conflict and wants to help everyone as much as can. He knows how to handle difficult situations and knows how to deal with traumatic events. He is an intelligent person who enjoys the company of books and dreams of being a scholar one day. He is a great teller of mythical tales. He respects everyone’s opinion and always supports what is right. He is supportive and understanding, and can be trusted. He is also a great sailer with a great expertise on maps. He can risk his life for his loved ones and is prepared to take any risk.
Scene of Rose leaving with the white bear in Rose’s perspective:
I had made up my mind that day. I was done with all the lies, and it was probably better to leave with the white bear. I could hardly believe it! I was a north bairn! Everyone was there with me then. When my mother encouraged me to use my east wits and practicality, I denied her words. I screamed at her that I knew the truth about myself.
That’s when the white bear come. Before anyone could react, I went straight to the white bear and said, “I will go with you,” and then we were off. I could hear Neddy crying.
Soon, Neddy was after us, and I told the white bear to stop. Now that I was sitting here, off on a journey that might end as me dead, I was very unsure about it. Should I get off and go back to my family? Or should I stay with the bear and let him take me to my dreams? I had no answer for none of these questions. Neddy was there soon enough, and I was yet again confused about how to get off and meet him one last night. I’m sure he noticed.
Finally, I slid off the bear’s back and moved towards where Neddy was standing. I knew he was there to take me back, as if he thought I was doing all this because mother wanted me to. I knew I had to tell him that it was not so. I told him that it was only my choice, and as much painful as it was, it was the right thing to do. It would make everything better for our family.
He hugged me and before leaving, he handed me the four pieces of my cloak, and then the journey continued with me on the white bear’s back.
Scene from Neddy’s perspective:
Rose’s furious words were quite justified. All these years, she had lived as a lie. She was bound to get furious. Her words shook mother, who realised that the truth could not be hidden much longer. And then came the white bear. Before we could realise his presence, Rose was already with him. She got on the bear’s back and they rode off.
I didn’t want to believe what had just happened. How I wish I could stop her before she left, but I knew that she would not turn back now. Once she decided on something, she wouldn’t take it back.
When they left, I was horrified, and my immediate reaction was to run after them. I called for her multiple times. I was starting to slowly gain on them, as I realised the bear had stopped. I wanted to stop her, to tell her that we all needed her. It would do her no good to leave us all for the white bear. She couldn’t! It wouldn’t be the same without her. I wanted to tell her all these things, but it was obvious that there was no point. When I met her, I felt hope in the air around us. I could see she could obviously read me and that I was here to stop her from going, but she just shook her head. She told me it was her choice, and that it would help us all.
I did not believe her for even a single second. I just nodded along because once she was set on something, that was it, and we could do absolutely nothing about it. I hugged her once, and it felt wonderful to be with her before she left, but also a heartbreak that she was leaving, and perhaps she would never come back. As she turned to leave, I handed her te four pieces of her cloak. She was thankful for it.
And then she left.

PART 3 (modern AU, fix-it, soulmate AU)

In the world where Luna lived, nothing but the internet existed. Nothing held more value than that. Luna was a young 13-year old who had a neutral opinion about phones. Why? Because what held the most value in her life was her magic. She kept it hidden from everyone else.
Especially the fact that she was going to do the most dangerous thing now. Resurrect her grandmother. “One more thing,” she said to herself, “the soulmate app.” She opened her phone and clicked on the small icon that every person was supposed to have in their phones. You couldn’t delete it or move it, and you had to check on it at least once a day. If you didn’t, then your house would be taken. She didn’t really live with anybody, except her mother, of course. Both of them thought the soulmate app was a bummer.
Luna looked at the contents of the app, clicked on them, and closed it. Suddenly, there was a sudden itch in her body, under her sleeve. She checked under it, and there were some words written. Probably something to do with the soulmate app. Ugh. Not again.
She opened it to check it again. Some achievement. Again.
She just threw her phone down on her bed and waved to her mother once. “I’ll be back with her soon, mother. Just you wait and see,” And she left with her phone.
Today was the day her magical grandmother was going to come back in their lives. She was going to bring her back to them. She tried to be as careful as she could. No one should see her, or her secret would be out. She made her way to the graveyard. It was barren and lonely. And ugly. How dirty it looked. She took a deep breath and made her way to the tombs, looking at each one. She didn’t remember her grandmother’s. Finally stumbling across the one on which the name “Xan” was written, Luna grinned. She took some deep breaths and sighed. All this walking had tired her.
She had always been a modern girl, just not a one who was obsessed with phones. She did everything and had everything other girls had, and she was far more special that they thought she was. She was a wonder.
Just as she was going to begin her procession, a noise disturbed her. Her phone? Oh no, oh no. What was she going to do now? What if someone heard her?
She quickly answered it. Just her friend asking. “Did you get the words?”
“Yes, I did. Did you?”
“Of course, Lune! Where are you now?”
“A-at my house,”
“No you are not. What the-!”
And then the phone was silent.
“Luna!”
“Is that you?”
Luna was going to be found out at this rate! Why was Mel here at the graveyard?
Luna ran for her life. It was the fastest she’d ever ran, but she did. She was soon lost. Why did the graveyard have to be so big? There was no sight of Mel now, so Luna stepped out from her hiding place, and tried to navigate her way out.
Again. “Is that you, Luna?”
“Luna, Luna, Luna!”
Luna magicked her shut. She gasped, realising what she’d done. Mel would find out!
That’s what it looked like, but Mel just left.
Luna sighed in relief and collapsed with the exhaustion. She made her way back to her grandmother’s tomb. She took a deep breath, and sighed. Slowly gathering her magic in her hands in the shape of a ball, she filled it with hope and warmth, so that it would not make too big an impact. She spread her palms out, and let the magic reach the tomb.
It was starting to take shape. An old woman was beginning to form from the magic. A cough and then Luna was sure her magic had worked. She hugged the old woman and they carefully walked back to her house. The streets were empty, and Luna had no idea why? Was it her fault?
And then there she saw a familiar figure. Mel. Oh no, oh no.
“Did you check the soulmate app, Lune? What were the words?” Mel asked curiously.
No questions about the graveyard. No questions about her grandmother. How odd. Had Mel forgotten about it? Or had she chosen to stay quiet about it?
Whatever it was, Mel knew. She knew everything. And Luna was doomed.

PART 4 (This is literally based on me more than SWC but whatev)

It was the morning of SWC, and everyone was alive then. The Main Cabin was bursting with chatter, so many of them showing a great deal of excitement. Most of the cabin studios were full with chatter and motivation. So why not the Fantasy cabin? Why was it so empty? Twi had no idea, but once she was there, she knew she had to bring light, that she had to resurrect this dead studio, and she got right to it. She asked some questions and sent some messages, and she got replies soon enough. No one was here because everyone was in the Main Cabin!
“Ah,” said Twi to herself. “Let me also join the Main Cabin,”
And when Twi reached the Main cabin, there was nobody there. Twi was really confused. “Where did everyone go?”
She called for everyone but for a long time there were no replies, when finally until Wari and Ami replied to her. She was so happy that someone was online! Soon, the main cabin filled up again, with the usual chatter, laughter and excitement. The introductions were piling up now!
As much as she wanted to stay, Twi decided that it was time to start writing. And what was better than starting to write in her novel, the one about which she had been procrastinating since March? So, Twi got to work, and wrote a couple hundred words. She was a bit tired, but decided to try word wars. After that, she was even more exhausted.
The day was coming to an end soon, and despite her exhaustion, she wrote a couple thousand words, and added them to her word count. A great start! She hoped she could continue this start!
To relax now, she went to chat with her friends and chill a bit. She went to different cabin studios and greeted them, and then she would get in a fight on who’s cabin is best. After enjoying herself this much, she almost lost track of time, but the day was soon coming to an end.
Twi thought that her day went very well and that she was off to a great start writing. She prided herself on putting a stop to her procrastination had done well on her novel and was hoping to make the best of it this month. She was excited to make new friends and learn new things, about people, and, of course, writing!

i'm asking someone for critique ^^

The eerie winds played a tune, almost identical to a song she couldn’t quite name. The dim lit moon lit up the night sky but for a moment— before a burst of rain splashed onto the land. Her lacy boots trudged across the woodland thicket, mud splashing on their white exterior. Brushing past the twigs and branches, she came across a tower. Pulling her mask up, she gracefully nudged closer to a starberry bush. The Owl Lady. I’ve found you at last.
***
Her name was Lea, a fairy of the meadows. Newest member of the Emperor’s Coven. A youth who had lost her flight. Her enchanting wings shimmered and created an iridescent glow. Tucking them in her jacket, she walked up to the front door, only to be greeted by—
“YAS~ I can check off a small suspicious looking person with a jacket and muddy lacy boots off my checklist!”
Lea looked up in a mix of bewilderment and curiosity. A long, honey yellow creature with peculiar eyes and a beak looked right back at her.
“Um.. hi, I’d like to see the Owl Lady.”
The creature, named Hooty, looked at her in confusion. “WHat did you sayyyyy?”
Mustering up every single bit of volume she had, Lea spoke again. “Could I please see the Owl Lady?” her voice was cracking, but it was just loud enough for Hooty to hear.
Hooty grinned. “Eda? But she’ll be mad at me for waking up her beauty sleep!”
Clickity click clack. The sound of footsteps came from the inside of the house. Lea inhaled, then exhaled. Her face turned a rosy pink, as she fiddled with the buttons on her jacket. The door creaked open.
“Hooty, whaddya want? You’re causing a racket. I am not giving you another one of Luz’s burnt and over sweet cookies.”
Lea looked at Eda. She’s not noticing me… Lea had feared this would happen. Embarrassed, she walked closer to Eda and, hesitantly, tugged on her dress.
“Hm? Eda looked down, to see Lea, squeezed in a ball, hiding in a dark corner. Crystal clear tears spilled down Lea’s dark cheeks, turning into small sugar cubes. She placed one on her tongue, and watched as it it melted into a sugary sweet syrup. Why do I always mess these things up?
Eda went back into the house, leaving Lea alone. But quickly, she returned with a blanket. “Hey, kid.” Placing Lea’s hand in hers, she escorted Lea into the house. Lea sighed regretfully. The poor lady of the woods. She wouldn’t understand. No one would suspect a delicate fairy. Because that night, a knife would be at the throat.
***
Cuddling up in a blanket, Lea lied on the cool wood surface.
“Sorry kid, that's all I have.” Eda twiddled her fingers.
Lea faked a smile, out of guilt. “No, it’s amazing. Really, I’m fine,” she said, this time into the wild witch’s ear.
“If ya need anything, let me know.” Eda grinned, and started to walk back.
“Wait— you aren’t going to ask for my name?”
Eda didn’t answer. Either because she couldn’t hear Lea, or she chose not to. Maybe there was that little bit of knowing in Eda’ s heart.
I’m sorry, Edalyn.
After Eda closed the door, Lea waited a few minutes, making sure no one was watching. She had to be very cautious. She rummaged in her pockets, and pulled out a small pocket knife. Then, she found a small glass bottle, containing a poison. If the knife didn’t kill her, the poison would. Made with elderberry extract, it was one of the deadliest things she could be holding. Belos wanted Eda dead, clearly.
Placing the items back in her pocket, she pulled out a small clothespin, and a handkerchief. She placed the clothespin onto her nose, making sure it was tight. Even a light sniff of the poison could wipe you dead. Then, she poured exactly two drops of the elderberry poison onto the kerchief. Not one more, nor one less.
Lea carefully tiptoed to the side of Eda’s bed, clutching the knife with her long fingers. She couldn’t wake someone up. She couldn’t risk it. She never could. She came closer to Eda. Her warm breath made Lea want to cozy up and fall asleep. Tears started falling, quickly like a waterfall, and quickly turned into sugar crystals. Lea was exposed.
Goodbye. It has good in it.
Lea dropped the knife and ran off as fast as she could, leaving a trail of crystals, falling and breaking on the floor. The dark night howled as the young girl ran off, saved by an ounce of care. An assassin was yet to be conjured out of the depths of her heart.

when green flag clicked
forever
play sound [it's corn! v]
end

The dim lit moon lit

repetition here!

first paragraph

almost all the sentences in your first paragraph have the same sentence structure. I'd recommend changing this up - varying sentence length and the way you use punctuation will make your story more engaging!

Her name was Lea, a fairy of the meadows. Newest member of the Emperor’s Coven. A youth who had lost her flight. Her enchanting wings shimmered and created an iridescent glow. Tucking them in her jacket, she walked up to the front door, only to be greeted by—

This is such a cool concept! You've really got me interested now <3 But like in your first paragraph, there isn't much variation in sentence structure here - so what I would do is link the final two sentences with a semicolon. like this:
“Her enchanting wings shimmered and created an iridescent glow; tucking them in her jacket, she walked up to the front door, only to be greeted by–”

WHat

typo, I think? though Hooty has a very expressive way of speaking, so I'm not sure ^^

Embarrassed, (Lea) walked closer to Eda
Lea, squeezed in a ball, hiding in a dark corner

Lea changes location very swiftly here! I would edit for absolute clarity as to where your character is right now.

She placed one on her tongue, and watched as it it melted into a sugary sweet syrup.

I think it would be very hard to watch something melt on your tongue - it might be more impactful here for you to describe Lea tasting the syrup, rather than seeing it.

No one would suspect a delicate fairy. Because But(?) that night, a knife would be at the throat.

The throat of who? I think ‘her’ would work better here ^^

Cuddling up in a blanket, Lea lay on the cool wood surface.

falling and breaking on the floor.

I'm really enjoying this bit of your story! Maybe you could further describe the sugar crystals here by mentioning the sound of them falling to the floor, or how they look - are they left to sparkle on the floor as Lea runs?

An assassin was yet to be conjured out of the depths of her heart.

excellent ending sentence!!

I'm not familiar with the story this fanfiction originates from, but you did a great job with these characters!! thank you for letting me critique - I hope I've been helpful : D

why were they there? Why were they in EVERY family photos I had looked through so far? Short blond hair up to their chin. Black eyes. Slight blush. Standing creeping in the background of every family photo. when I looked at them their face rang a bell but I couldn’t place it I just had a feeling i’d seen them before but I couldn’t place it, I couldn’t. The more I thought about if I saw them before the creepier it got. It was scary why there was this one specific person standing in the background of every photo. I was worried - were my parents being stalked, attacked, threatened?! What’s happening! Can I help them? What should I do? I was lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. I could ask my parents but they only be home in a few hours or so I could look at the family tree but the family tree only names I could look at the people who look like that person but that’ll be hard as I wasn’t good in that sort of stuff. Just then there was a sudden knock on the door ripping me out of my thoughts. I went to the door and looked through the peephole. There was my mother standing at the door with… I jumped in shock and nearly yelled. Behind her with the same person standing in the background of all family photos.
I was too scared to open the door but I knew that if I opened it I could talk to my mum. I ripped it open not wondering why she was home so early. And then, when I opened the door, the strange figure was gone. It was just my mum standing outside on a nice spring day mildly irritated at why it took me so long to open the door.
“My boss let all of my team go home early today. She said we looked really tired and needed a good nights sleep and some proper rest. So, she let us leave”, my mum informed me.
“MUM! Can I show you something? There’s something weird going on.”, I practically yelled at my mum.
“Dear. Calm down. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation. Let me take off my shoes and the we can sit down together and then you can talk to me. Sounds good?”
“Yes. Now hurry up please”, I instructed her, impatient. Normally, she would have gotten mad at me for instructing her like that, but today she just let it pass. After a new minutes, but still way to long for me, we were both sitting on the sofa. “Now”, I said, pulling out the photos, “I’ve been looking through these and there’s something really creepy and weird.” I told her putting them into her lap. Even before she had a chance to look at the photos, I saw her tense up, butte her lip and dig her nails into her palms. Did she have a secret to hide? Did she know what was going on? “Tell me what you think it is”, I said. She contemplated the pictures for an age, growing tenser by the moment.
“I’m not sure”, she finally said, trying to hold a tremble back. I knew she was lying. It was obvious from then she first tensed up she knew something. “Well, if you look closely, there is someone in the picture who I don't know. More than that, that person is in EVERY picture. And more, they appear just lingering in the background. Not doing anything. Just standing there. Standing there and staring into the camera.” I saw my mum’s fist clench and her turn white as I said that. “And…”, I said with a grave tone, “if that’s not enough, I saw them today as I looked through the peephole to let you in. They were staring at me. And then when I opened the door, they weren’t there anymore. Do you know who they are?”
My mum just sat there looking at the photos. She looked scared. “I don’t right now. I need some time to think it over. I’ll see if I remember who they are at dinner”, she said lying very obviously. I knew she was lying, but she seemed genuinely scared so I let it pass. “Ok. Try to remember”, I said. She left the room and walked upstairs to her own room - probably thinking it over. Now, I had no clue what to do. I was stuck here with a ghost or something and my mother was frightened too - not that I blame her or anything, but still. I looked at the photos in more detail then. And then I jumped in shock and nearly screamed. The person was the exact same age in all photos. And i was certain it wasn’t photoshop. It would be impossible to photoshop it so exact. And even then, I remember printing the last photos with my mum directly from a disposable camera. There could be no photoshop. And then another shock came. How come no one else saw them. I reeled my mind back to the people who were in last years event - Christmas - and which person wasn’t in the photo. Of course! It was Uncle Fred. He loved photography and so he always took the photos. But he was a stickler for perfection in each photo. It had to be exactly right, yet he let the strange figure stay there. Could he not see them, or did he let it stay there? What? Why? When? Who? Who and what? What was this mysterious figure and who were they. And why were there in every photo?
My family was not a superstitious family of any sorts, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to believe in ghosts. And ghosts? Honestly! Here in the middle of Birmingham! No way. Ghosts were out of the option. But what was it then? In fiction books, there was always some spirit returning for karma. Someone in the family did bad things, so the spirit would return and haunt their family as punishment. But this was real life - not some sort of story. Ghosts didn’t exist. Spirits didn’t. It sure wasn’t photoshop. So what was it then? A real person would be very highly unlikely. I mean, it would be way to obvious if some random stranger just appeared in every photo. So it couldn't really be anything. I'd ruled all the options out. But then it had to be something. I mean, something was there. I checked the time. 18:07. My dad would be home in 20 minutes or so and then we could have dinner. Then I'd hopefully finally know what was going on.
“So”, I said to my mum while sitting down at the dinner table. “Can you now tell me who they are?”, I asked. “Perhaps your father should know what's going on”, was her reply. So, I stood up, went over to the living room and got out the pictures. I showed them to my dad and cut straight to the chase. “If you look carefully at every picture you can see the same person standing in the background”, I told him. As soon as he saw the pictures, he looked at my mum with a despaired look in his eye. I saw him grip the table tighter. “And what makes it worse,” I continued, “was that i saw the exact same person today standing behind mum as she knocked on the door. I asked her who they were and she said she'd tell me at dinner, so here we are”, I finished off. I looked at my father and saw his face go pale. I looked at my mother and saw her grip the table tighter and her knuckles whitening. I looked at my father and saw him bite his lips. I looked at my mother and saw her looking at my father asking him if they should tell me. I looked at my father and saw him returning the glance very uncertainly. I looked outside the window and saw that same figure again. I felt myself grow pale. I wanted to scream. To tell. To hide. To get out of this life. I had lived a happy and joyful life and the one detailed look into a photo album had ruined it all. I looked at my father, he looked back with despair in his eyes. I looked at my mother, she looked back trying to hide the worry and out on a brave face. I looked outside and didn't see the figure anymore. I looked at my parents and that was the last thing i saw before a clammy hand grasped over my mouth and pulled me towards them. I tried to take a breath but they blocked my air supply. They hissed something inaudible at me. Something which sounded like “you have said enough”, and then that was the last thing I heard before everything went black

why were they there?

make sure to put a capital on the first letter of the sentence!

Short blond hair up to their chin. Black eyes. Slight blush.

I reallyyyy like this bit - the short sentences add a lot of emphasis

when I looked at them their face rang a bell but I couldn’t place it I just had a feeling i’d seen them before but I couldn’t place it, I couldn’t.
I could ask my parents but they only be home in a few hours or so I could look at the family tree but the family tree only names I could look at the people who look like that person but that’ll be hard as I wasn’t good in that sort of stuff.

These are what are called run-on sentences, where they run on and on without punctuation marks to break them up! To see what I mean, try saying either of these sentences in one breath. Now, say them again, and make note of where it feels natural to take a breath. Those will be the place you probably need some punctuation marks!
For example: “When I looked at them their face rang a bell(,) but I couldn't place it. I just had a feeling I'd seen them before, but I couldn't place it, I couldn't.”

After a new minutes

typo! ‘few’

butte her lip

'bite'

a general note - when you open a line of dialogue from a new person, you should use the return key to begin a new line!
Example:
“I’m not sure”, she finally said, trying to hold a tremble back. I knew she was lying. It was obvious from when she first tensed up she knew something.
“Well, if you look closely…"

What was this mysterious figure and who were they.

Question mark instead of full stop here!

a despaired look

*despairing!

with despair in his eyes

You've already used ‘despair’ to describe the father's eyes, so you should probably use a new word here!

They hissed something inaudible at me. Something which sounded like “you have said enough”, and then…

For me, ‘and then’ should be the start of your final sentence, while ‘me’ and ‘something’ should be divided with a comma or hyphen rather than a full stop since the two statements are connected.
Example: “They hissed something inaudible at me – something which sounded like “you have said enough”. And then that was the last thing I heard before everything went black.”

But all in all, amazing work on a really creepy horror! I hope my feedback will be of assistance to you. Thank you for giving me permission to critique, and feel free to ask me any questions <3

I pull out my keys, the engine sputtering before going silent. Sighing, I unbuckle my seatbelt before slumping back in my seat. I sit in silence for a few minutes, trying not to think and focusing on regulating my breathing, without luck. After a few minutes, I stop trying and bury my face in my hands. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for what’s ahead of me. How could I? My whole life has been affected by the cause of this very moment. How could this ever be easy?
Nevertheless, after wondering whether or not it was too late to turn back, I swing open the car door, and step out. My trench coat sways slightly as I adjust to the uneven cobblestone path beneath me.
Gazing up, the dreary morning light shines into my eyes, making my surroundings look more depressed than usual. The grass is dark, wilted, and dry, as if it hasn’t been watered in a while, which, of course, is true.
I close the car door, taking my time going to the trunk and opening it. It nearly misses my head, but I don’t care. My heart heavy, I grab the only thing there: a bouquet of white roses. A subconscious thought reminds me to lock it as I turn towards the never-ending rows and rows of graves.
My boots feel as if they’re glued to the ground as I approach their grave. My breaths become shallow, and my eyes start watering as I scan the words etched into the stone. My constant blinking is all I can do to stop the tears from spilling.
Suddenly, I can’t take it anymore and drop to my knees, flowers in hand.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
I shut my eyes tightly, making a teardrop trickle down my face.
A man raises his gun, aiming for my father.
My eyes start gushing uncontrollably as I desperately try to stop the visions.
An ear-splitting scream reverberates through my skull, replaying over and over…
I clutch my head, reaching for fistfuls of hair and gasping for air.
I watch as the murderer, smug, turns and walks away, carelessly dropping his gun onto the soil.
I release a mind-boggling scream, trying to drown out the memories.
But I can’t stop them.
So I stop trying.
I close my eyes, tears still streaming down my face.
The ground is mostly grass and rocks. The grass is tall and overgrown, towering over me like a skyscraper as I lay on my back, panting. The sun has set, sitting behind the clouds, as if it’s watching. Watching as my pitiful life crumbles all around me.
I crawl towards the gun, my mind clouded with rage. My knees ache from the grass and gravel constantly tearing at them.
I raise it towards the man, my hands shaking.
I take a deep breath.
And fire.
I hear a gunshot, loud and final, as the victim drops to the floor. My ears ring from the noise. Ringing, ringing, ringing…
I collapse, fatigued and emotionally drained, my vengeance achieved…

Fun piece of writing, feel free to add on or to use it as an idea for excerpts!

A snake; a large snake; a snake… the size of a tree? Yes, that’s right. She was the size of a tree. She was almost what you would think a snake to be; wise, clever, sneaky. But… one thing made her unique. This one snake was actually very unique. The main thing was she was wise. Yeah, I know. I said that. This snake was wise in weird ways. This snake helped few people, but always with a twinkle in her eye did she let warriors and magic users and abnormal people ride on her back. She always glowed as she moved, so if you ever see a neon glow, follow the trail of that pink pebble road. Oh, What what her name you say? She calls herself El, the snake that sways.

Excerpt

Someone nudges my shoulder, shaking me awake. I look around. I don't remember falling asleep. I try to think back, decipher what I was doing, when I realize I don't remember… anything.
The man standing over me, the one who woke me up, is tall, white, and wears an expression of concern on his face that tells me we're probably pretty close. I have no idea who he is.
“Who are you?” I ask quietly, shyly, because it's an unusual question and probably will make this man pretty uncomfortable. I can't tell if he even heard me or not.
“Jenna?” He asks, “You okay? You fell asleep.”
“Who's Jenna?” I ask in response.
Expressions flash across the man's face. Surprise, concern, thoughtfulness, back to concern again, and something gives me the vibe he's reliving an unpleasant memory.
He places his hand back on my shoulder. It makes me uncomfortable, but I let it happen, because he probably knows me well and likely this is normal. His head turns to look behind him, the muscles in his neck straining, and he shouts, “Wanda!”
No one answers him. He turns back to me, and for a fleeting moment he looks scared, before hiding it beneath a mask of calm on his face, quick enough that I'd say he's used to hiding his fears.
A teenage girl with rich brown skin, dark shining eyes, and long hair dyed bright purple, comes out of a door to my left that I didn't notice was there before. I mean, I probably was somewhat aware of it, I just didn't consciously acknowledge its existence.
She's beautiful.
She comes and stands beside the man, before crouching down and looking intently at me. “What happened?” she asks quietly, a hint of fear penetrating her musical voice.
“She snapped again,” the man answers, not looking at the girl, or acknowledging her existence in any way except the words he speaks.
He turns back and calls for Wanda again. This time, a woman with pale skin and dark strawberry blond hair, wearing a red plaid tee that buttons up the front, denim shorts, and a faux leather jacket that looks not entirely the right size for her and like maybe she borrowed it, comes quickly up the porch steps and asks the same question the teenage girl asked just moments ago, “What happened?”
“Snap,” Is all the man says.
The woman nods, holding her left hand in an intentional-looking position and curling the fingers in toward themselves. Red light seems to flow from her fingertips.
“I won't hurt you,” she says gently to me, before placing her fingers against my temple.
By no authorization of mine, vague scraps of memories come to the front of my mind. Mint chip ice cream, a tiny young girl with dark skin and red ribbons woven into her hair bleeding out on the tile floor in front of me, a young blond woman taking my hand. After a few minutes of this, I realize the woman touching my temple is either causing or controlling it. Her scarlet light must be some form of magic.
“This is a bad one,” she says, “barely any of Jenna is here.”
“Can you fix her?” the young girl asks. “You can, right?”
“I can try,” is all the woman allows.

SWC CO-APP WRITING EXCERPT 0;

The Chamber of the Frozen is cold and eerie, as I knew it would be. The guards are leading me through the halls behind the Chamber- dark and cast with a turquoise glow that is much too welcoming for a situation such as this one.
Beyond the Chamber- the long, long wall made of turquoise liquid surrounded by impenetrable glass- I can see the blurred plaza I always avoided. I try not to pay attention to what is actually in the glass. It has always scared me. They have. And now, to think I am to become one? It is a terrifying thought. I cannot help but look at them in fear, knowing I am to join them.
People.
At least sixty of them, each frozen in their own stasis boxes, each box filled with not-quite-water, not-quite-ice. The womens’ hair is floating away from their heads, buoyant, looking as though it is supposed to move, and yet always still. Their eyes are open, but glossy. The council says they can see everything, the whole time. Were it just sleep, it would mean nothing- so they must be forced to watch as the world goes by. It must be torture.
Soon, it will not only be theirs, but mine, as well.
Every one of the Frozen still has their hands bound in manacles just like mine, from when they were frozen, just like I will be.
Tonight, the freezing ceremony will take place. This morning, I was taken from my home and brought here. Yesterday, I took my father’s place as a Frozen. And, for now, I will be held in the cells behind the chambers.
A week ago, my father was found guilty of selling poisons. They were really addictive drugs. They killed four people.
His trial was yesterday, and when councilor Alderon asked if there was anyone in his family willing to serve his sentence for him, I volunteered without hesitation. I have four siblings, and my father owns a large business corporation in Atlicca. It was simply logical for me to take his place- there was too much at risk, no matter how Lilani or Mother protested. “Delaney.” Lilani begged. “Laney, don’t go.”
I had to.
So I did.
I would only see my mother and siblings- and father- from the ceremonial podium tomorrow. This morning was the last time I would touch them for one year. One year in that ice.
I am not mad at my father. Perhaps if I had been a better daughter, he would not have been so desperate. He would have spent all that wasted time with me, instead of using it to sell his illegal drugs. In a way, it is really my fault, so it is fitting that I take the blame.
I am calm and quiet as the guards lead me into my cell. They are gentle- they know I will not run, because they know me.
One of them is my cousin, Batali. He has a sad look in his eyes.
“Don’t be sad.” I whisper as I sit on the small cot. The barred doors slam shut, and I am alone.
+++
I am woken up by the guards before the ceremony. The sun has dimmed, the glow of the water in the Chamber fading. Batali is bathed in soft teal light as he tightens my manacles- a ritual, he tells me, and apologizes. He does not have to. I have nothing against my cousin, who is only doing his duty.
He leads me out of my cell and through the halls. As we pass behind it, I can see the vague form of the ceremonial podium through the liquid of the Chamber. We pass through the locked gate underneath it, and emerge into the dimming red light of the sun. I am brought up the stairs to the podium, placed next to councilor Alderon, and it begins at last.
Alderon begins with the ritual speech about war and peace. I do not listen. Instead, I look at my mother. I look at Lilani, Jacob, Elybeth and Mirano, my sisters and brothers, who I will not touch for a year. And I look at my father. I hold no hate towards him, but I do not know if he knows that.
When Alderon finishes his speech, he begins another ritual- this one physical- and my mother looks away. She cannot bear to see this. They all look away, until the only one left is my wise little Elybeth, staring at me with tear stained cheeks.
“And now, we strip this sinner of what protects it from the cold.” The words sting me like the ice I will be frozen in, but I know they hold some truth- this is my fault. I do not even mind that I have been called an it. Perhaps when I am thawed I will be an outcast, but it is worth it so long as my siblings can keep their father.
Alderon takes silver scissors in his hands and snips off the long sleeves of the simplistic coat Batali gave me to wear. He then cuts down the side of my pants. I would like to squirm, but I do not. I must retain my dignity.
Soon, all that is left to clothe me is an undershirt and shorts- standard-issue white, but they are streaked with messy black paint. The sign of a sinner. Batali gave these to me, too, and let me don them in privacy. The coat and pants were white, and Alderon cutting them away meant he was cutting away the symbols of innocence to show the truth.
I feel naked, not only physically but mentally.
The next part of the ceremony almost causes me to cry. My hair, my wonderful, chestnut auburn hair, is ruined. Black paint, not even dye, is dripped over my head, and I lock my joints to keep from running, to keep from lashing out. Bite my teeth to stop from crying out, from crying. I feel the paint run down my face, and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been marked a sinner. I have the paint running through my long, once-luscious hair, and down my cheeks, onto my already-streaked undershirt, staining the skin of my shoulders.
I sob, I shudder, but I do not cry.
I will not cry.
The final segment of the ceremony consists of the actual freezing. My heart begins to race, and I take a heavy, burdened breath.
Can I do this?
I must.
The platform beside me is called a Caravan. I am led to it, and my feet are clamped into it. Not chained, because the Caravan will soon leave me. It begins to rise, with me on it.
Some people boo. Most cheer. I suppose they disliked my father. Or maybe disliked me.
My mother forces herself to look up at me one last time.
I cannot smile for her. Paint runs down one of my lips, and I almost begin to cry.
The Caravan carries me up, up, to the top of the Chamber, and then brings me down, down inside of it. The liquid is cold, and I begin to feel numb seconds after entering it. The liquid is viscous and offers great resistance. Were this another time, this would be an exciting experience- it is eerie yet beautiful in here, but, under these circumstances, it is eerier than it is beautiful. I take one last breath as I am brought down, down, past dozens of other Frozens, all motionless.
At one empty space, I stop. My own box, self-contained so that I can be individually thawed if needed.
I raise my chin and look at my mother one last time. Then I look out at the plaza, at the horizon, the sunset, as my hair billows around me, rising. I feel like a goddess- not that they are real- watching the people. I smile, trying to be strong.
That is when I realize I cannot breathe.
I begin to choke and thrash as I feel the Caravan leave me feet. I should sink, but I do not. The water is too viscous, too thick and resistant.
I look back at the sunset, smile still on my lips, as my body goes completely numb. For some reason, I no longer breathe. It is a strange feeling, as my body freezes into place. I feel nothing, and nothing moves.
And then I am frozen, like a statue looking out across the plaza.
And all is
silence.

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