springflight123 wrote:

Oh this is cool, here is something that I'm gonna write right now

TigerAlpaca wrote:

I'm writing lots of Fan-fiction recently so this is cool

linkling606 wrote:

Can't wait to read some.

Cinderpelt4332 wrote:

Great! I have sooo many things that I've written over the years that I need to be revised! I'll post it on here ASAP

WildlighttheBetrayer wrote:

So I guess if you have any feedback, you can quote this comment and not the one from before cuz that one's a lil much to quote :3

-Random_Person- wrote:

Cinderpelt4332 wrote:

Great! I have sooo many things that I've written over the years that I need to be revised! I'll post it on here ASAP

Awesome! Lol

-Random_Person- wrote:

WildlighttheBetrayer wrote:

So I guess if you have any feedback, you can quote this comment and not the one from before cuz that one's a lil much to quote :3

Hey! Your story is great! (Thanks for being the first to put one up here! ) I would say you need to work on is the transitions and introduce characters (but don't over-introduce them coz then it gets boring) when bringing them in to the story for the first time. Other than that, good job and thanks so so so much for writing it!

-Random_Person- wrote:

springflight123 wrote:

Oh this is cool, here is something that I'm gonna write right now

Yay great!

WildlighttheBetrayer wrote:

Okay, so this is going to be the first time ever that I've written this, so it's a super rough draft and will probably turn out horrible

A New Life: The Sacrifice

Chapter One

“Wait, Petalstar,” the deputy of ThunderClan mews to his leader, stopping her from leaping down from the highledge. She had just preformed a Warrior Ceremony, turning little Mintpaw and tiny Leafpaw into Mintblaze and Leaftail.

The whole of ThunderClan watches as Petalstar pauses and turns to her deputy. “Yes, Grayheart?” she asks him.

"How could you?!“ Grayheart shouts accusingly, his voice echoing throughout the ThunderClan camp.

”What do you mean?“ Petalstar asks, confused.

”Don't act like you don't know, Petalstar,“ Grayheart says, his eyes narrowing.

”What are you saying, Grayheart?“ Petalstar asks sharply.

”I know who the real father to your kits are,“ Grayheart says, his eyes moving down to the very faint bulge of his leader's stomach. ”It isn't Stormstrike like what you've told everyone.“

Petalstar stares at him, before saying, ”I don't know what you're talking about, Grayheart.“

”Yes, you do. Stormstrike died in the bloody battle against ShadowClan, which was only a couple of sunrises ago. Right before you announced who your mate was. Right before the clan was told you were expecting kits. How very convenient.“

”What do you mean? S-Stormstrike fought very bravely in the battle, and he wouldn't have died if it weren't for Ivystar. He killed my mate before I told him about our kits! And he was only one of many of our cats to die in that battle!“ Petalstar's voice wavers when she says Stormstrike's name.

”Indeed. But I noticed something. Two near-identical cats, fighting. Both have black fur and green eyes, the only difference being their clan. One from ThunderClan, one from ShadowClan,“ Grayheart murmurs, apparently thinking. The rest of ThunderClan sits in rapt silence, watching their leader and deputy.

”Your point is?“ Petalstar asks.

”It was very smart of you to cover up who your real mate was with a look-alike. Even smarter to announce your kits with him after his death, so he couldn't deny it. And you being the leader, no one questioned it. Too bad you made the smallest of mistakes. A mistake I've discovered,“ Grayheart says this, all the while looking very pleased with himself.

He pauses, as if waiting for Petalstar to respond. When she doesn't say anything, he continues.

”Your mistake being that you forgot to fully hide the scent of a ShadowClan cat. But that was a half-moon ago, and I just brushed it off. It was probably just nothing, I thought. You could've picked up the scent without realizing it while patrolling the ShadowClan border. That happens all the time, after all.

"But then it happened again, and again. I kept smelling the faintest smell of ShadowClan! That made me curious. What could the ThunderClan leader be doing with some cat from ShadowClan? So the next time you left the camp alone, I followed you. At first, all seemed normal. You were stalking a mouse, close to the border of ShadowClan, I had noted, when a cat stepped out from behind a tree. You two greeted each other like old friends. Then, together, you dissapeared into ShadowClan territory. I would've followed you for even longer, if I hadn't been so very shocked with who it was that you were with.“

Grayheart pauses, taking in the surprise and fear on his leader's face. He then turns on highlede, from facing Petalstar to facing the rest of the clan.

”Petalstar here, your very own leader, was with Ivystar, the leader of ThunderClan's rivals!" Grayheart roars, and instantly the gathered ThunderClan cats murmur with one another.

“S-Silence!” Petalstar shrieks, her voice catching.

“What, Petalstar? Are you going to deny it?” Grayheart taunts, smirking. His leader turns to look at him. “ThunderClan is waiting for you to explain.”

Like what he said, every single ThunderClan cat is watching their leader, ears perked.

Petalstar waves her tail uncertainty. “I-I was meeting up with Ivystar,” she admits, shaking as she steps forward.

“Ha! So you see, ThunderClan, your leader here has broken the Warrior Code,” Grayheart meows as he pushes Petalstar out of the way, also stepping forward. “She has met up with a cat from another clan, and is going to have his kits. They have been meeting with one another for the past moon! This cannot go unnoticed!”

“H-how do you know how long Ivystar and I have been meeting up?” Petalstar asks, her ears perking up. “I thought you only found out recently!”

The deputy rolls his eyes before mewing, “Okay, so I followed you the very first time you vanished, as well as the times after that. But everything else is true!”

"Then the cat's scent that led to the battle that killed Stormstrike as well as many other cats was your scent?!“ Petalstar shouts, her eyes widening as she realizes it.

”Yes,“ Grayheart says, nodding. ”But it was all for a good cause!“ He adds when the cats of ThunderClan start murmuring again.

”But more than half of our entire clan was killed because of you!" Petalstar counters, and turns to the rest of her clan. "He made most of our Warriors die! He made all of our Apprentices die, including his own! He is responsible for bringing both WindClan and RiverClan into the battle, no doubt making some of their cats die as well!“

The cats stare at Grayheart, and Hazelwing, a mother of four of the seven Apprenrices who were killed, bristles as she stands up. ”I don't care whether our leader's kits are going to be half-clan! You made my kits die!“

However, she is the only cat who reacts like that. Most of the other ThunderClan cats just shrug.

Gaining back his confidence with the lack of supporters for Petalstar, Grayheart loudly mews, ”I think Petalstar should be exiled from the clans!"

Aside from Hazelwing, all of ThunderClan yells in agreement.

Petalstar takes a deep breath, as if she is about to say something, but then a cat in the crowd starts to chant, “GraySTAR, GraySTAR, GraySTAR!” and not long after, everyone is chanting. Grayheart basks under the chant for a while, obviously enjoying it, but he stops it by waving his tail to silence the gathered cats.

The deputy turns to Petalstar. "The clan has voted me as leader, and I hereby exile you, Petalshine, from all the clans,“ he calls her by her Warrior name, a sign of disrespect.

”What?!“ The leader meows, astonished. ”You can't do that!“

”But if the clan agrees, I can,“ Grayheart mews smugly. ”Goodbye forever.“

When Petalstar doesn't move, Grayheart signals to Stonetail and Coalfeather. They leap up onto highledge and drag their (former) leader down through the crowd. Everyone watches.

As they drag her to the entrance of the ThunderClan camp, Hazelwing whispers ”I'm so, so sorry,“ looking scared for her.

Petalstar rips herself free from Stonetail and Coalfeather's grip and murmurs back to Hazelwing, ”Goodbye, Hazelwing."

She turns and walks out of the camp, away from everyone's stares, away from her deputy, away from cats she thought were loyal to her.

She walks and doesn't look back.

TigerAlpaca wrote:

Here's something I felt like typing:

Dawnstar yawned as she woke up in the dawn-sun. Her silver-grey pelt shined and her blue eyes twinkled as she leapt down from the highrock. She greeted Russetpelt, Wrenmist and Thunderclaw with a flick of her tail. She felt honoured to have the cat's in the prophecy as part of her clan. Russetpelt was lifting up and boulder with his shoulders (he was standing on his hind legs) and Thunderclaw was dragging out a kit which looked dead. Wrenmist rested her paws on the kit's shoulders and closed her eyes. Mist started forming as the kit awoke, looking fine. The warriors and queens who were gathered round looked relieved. “Great work Wrenmist!” Dawnstar called over her shoulder, “Boulderclaw!” She summoned her deputy. “Can you set up some patrols. Leaf-bear will soon be coming,” in reply, he nodded and yowled,
“Russetpelt, Ivypaw, Featherpaw and Goldenleaf, can you please assemble the hunting patrol. Thunderclaw, Reedpaw, Doveheart and Littlebird, you're on border patrol duty.” Boulderclaw then had to run off to fetch back some kits who had ran out of camp. Dawnstar watched as the patrols faded out of sight and sighed. Today was a beautiful day, how could Darkclan be planning an attack?…

TigerAlpaca wrote:

Here's something I felt like typing:

Dawnstar yawned as she woke up in the dawn-sun. Her silver-grey pelt shined and her blue eyes twinkled as she leapt down from the highrock. She greeted Russetpelt, Wrenmist and Thunderclaw with a flick of her tail. She felt honoured to have the cat's in the prophecy as part of her clan. Russetpelt was lifting up and boulder with his shoulders (he was standing on his hind legs) and Thunderclaw was dragging out a kit which looked dead. Wrenmist rested her paws on the kit's shoulders and closed her eyes. Mist started forming as the kit awoke, looking fine. The warriors and queens who were gathered round looked relieved. “Great work Wrenmist!” Dawnstar called over her shoulder, “Boulderclaw!” She summoned her deputy. “Can you set up some patrols. Leaf-bear will soon be coming,” in reply, he nodded and yowled,
“Russetpelt, Ivypaw, Featherpaw and Goldenleaf, can you please assemble the hunting patrol. Thunderclaw, Reedpaw, Doveheart and Littlebird, you're on border patrol duty.” Boulderclaw then had to run off to fetch back some kits who had ran out of camp. Dawnstar watched as the patrols faded out of sight and sighed. Today was a beautiful day, how could Darkclan be planning an attack?…

WildlighttheBetrayer wrote:

Okay, so this is going to be the first time ever that I've written this, so it's a super rough draft and will probably turn out horrible

A New Life: The Sacrifice

Chapter One

“Wait, Petalstar,” the deputy of ThunderClan mews to his leader, stopping her from leaping down from the highledge. She had just preformed a Warrior Ceremony, turning little Mintpaw and tiny Leafpaw into Mintblaze and Leaftail.

The whole of ThunderClan watches as Petalstar pauses and turns to her deputy. “Yes, Grayheart?” she asks him.

"How could you?!“ Grayheart shouts accusingly, his voice echoing throughout the ThunderClan camp.

”What do you mean?“ Petalstar asks, confused.

”Don't act like you don't know, Petalstar,“ Grayheart says, his eyes narrowing.

”What are you saying, Grayheart?“ Petalstar asks sharply.

”I know who the real father to your kits are,“ Grayheart says, his eyes moving down to the very faint bulge of his leader's stomach. ”It isn't Stormstrike like what you've told everyone.“

Petalstar stares at him, before saying, ”I don't know what you're talking about, Grayheart.“

”Yes, you do. Stormstrike died in the bloody battle against ShadowClan, which was only a couple of sunrises ago. Right before you announced who your mate was. Right before the clan was told you were expecting kits. How very convenient.“

”What do you mean? S-Stormstrike fought very bravely in the battle, and he wouldn't have died if it weren't for Ivystar. He killed my mate before I told him about our kits! And he was only one of many of our cats to die in that battle!“ Petalstar's voice wavers when she says Stormstrike's name.

”Indeed. But I noticed something. Two near-identical cats, fighting. Both have black fur and green eyes, the only difference being their clan. One from ThunderClan, one from ShadowClan,“ Grayheart murmurs, apparently thinking. The rest of ThunderClan sits in rapt silence, watching their leader and deputy.

”Your point is?“ Petalstar asks.

”It was very smart of you to cover up who your real mate was with a look-alike. Even smarter to announce your kits with him after his death, so he couldn't deny it. And you being the leader, no one questioned it. Too bad you made the smallest of mistakes. A mistake I've discovered,“ Grayheart says this, all the while looking very pleased with himself.

He pauses, as if waiting for Petalstar to respond. When she doesn't say anything, he continues.

”Your mistake being that you forgot to fully hide the scent of a ShadowClan cat. But that was a half-moon ago, and I just brushed it off. It was probably just nothing, I thought. You could've picked up the scent without realizing it while patrolling the ShadowClan border. That happens all the time, after all.

"But then it happened again, and again. I kept smelling the faintest smell of ShadowClan! That made me curious. What could the ThunderClan leader be doing with some cat from ShadowClan? So the next time you left the camp alone, I followed you. At first, all seemed normal. You were stalking a mouse, close to the border of ShadowClan, I had noted, when a cat stepped out from behind a tree. You two greeted each other like old friends. Then, together, you dissapeared into ShadowClan territory. I would've followed you for even longer, if I hadn't been so very shocked with who it was that you were with.“

Grayheart pauses, taking in the surprise and fear on his leader's face. He then turns on highlede, from facing Petalstar to facing the rest of the clan.

”Petalstar here, your very own leader, was with Ivystar, the leader of ThunderClan's rivals!" Grayheart roars, and instantly the gathered ThunderClan cats murmur with one another.

“S-Silence!” Petalstar shrieks, her voice catching.

“What, Petalstar? Are you going to deny it?” Grayheart taunts, smirking. His leader turns to look at him. “ThunderClan is waiting for you to explain.”

Like what he said, every single ThunderClan cat is watching their leader, ears perked.

Petalstar waves her tail uncertainty. “I-I was meeting up with Ivystar,” she admits, shaking as she steps forward.

“Ha! So you see, ThunderClan, your leader here has broken the Warrior Code,” Grayheart meows as he pushes Petalstar out of the way, also stepping forward. “She has met up with a cat from another clan, and is going to have his kits. They have been meeting with one another for the past moon! This cannot go unnoticed!”

“H-how do you know how long Ivystar and I have been meeting up?” Petalstar asks, her ears perking up. “I thought you only found out recently!”

The deputy rolls his eyes before mewing, “Okay, so I followed you the very first time you vanished, as well as the times after that. But everything else is true!”

"Then the cat's scent that led to the battle that killed Stormstrike as well as many other cats was your scent?!“ Petalstar shouts, her eyes widening as she realizes it.

”Yes,“ Grayheart says, nodding. ”But it was all for a good cause!“ He adds when the cats of ThunderClan start murmuring again.

”But more than half of our entire clan was killed because of you!" Petalstar counters, and turns to the rest of her clan. "He made most of our Warriors die! He made all of our Apprentices die, including his own! He is responsible for bringing both WindClan and RiverClan into the battle, no doubt making some of their cats die as well!“

The cats stare at Grayheart, and Hazelwing, a mother of four of the seven Apprenrices who were killed, bristles as she stands up. ”I don't care whether our leader's kits are going to be half-clan! You made my kits die!“

However, she is the only cat who reacts like that. Most of the other ThunderClan cats just shrug.

Gaining back his confidence with the lack of supporters for Petalstar, Grayheart loudly mews, ”I think Petalstar should be exiled from the clans!"

Aside from Hazelwing, all of ThunderClan yells in agreement.

Petalstar takes a deep breath, as if she is about to say something, but then a cat in the crowd starts to chant, “GraySTAR, GraySTAR, GraySTAR!” and not long after, everyone is chanting. Grayheart basks under the chant for a while, obviously enjoying it, but he stops it by waving his tail to silence the gathered cats.

The deputy turns to Petalstar. "The clan has voted me as leader, and I hereby exile you, Petalshine, from all the clans,“ he calls her by her Warrior name, a sign of disrespect.

”What?!“ The leader meows, astonished. ”You can't do that!“

”But if the clan agrees, I can,“ Grayheart mews smugly. ”Goodbye forever.“

When Petalstar doesn't move, Grayheart signals to Stonetail and Coalfeather. They leap up onto highledge and drag their (former) leader down through the crowd. Everyone watches.

As they drag her to the entrance of the ThunderClan camp, Hazelwing whispers ”I'm so, so sorry,“ looking scared for her.

Petalstar rips herself free from Stonetail and Coalfeather's grip and murmurs back to Hazelwing, ”Goodbye, Hazelwing."

She turns and walks out of the camp, away from everyone's stares, away from her deputy, away from cats she thought were loyal to her.

She walks and doesn't look back.