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SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

March 18th, 2026 Daily:

小明上北京国际学校;他十四岁,所以他上八年级。从小时候,他都不会安排时间。他常常浪费时间玩电脑游戏,也没有做他的作业,所以他的老师都不喜欢他。他也常常拿了不好的成绩,所以他的父母说,“如果你拿到不好成绩,我们会拿到你的手机!”

这个让他觉得非常紧张,因为他最喜欢的所有物是他的手机。(他的父母觉得他对手机上瘾了,但是他觉得这个是错的。)虽然他不喜欢做功课,不要学怎么安排时间,但是他不要他的父母拿到他的手机,所以他努力学习。

一个星期后,小明上数学课。他的数学老师说,“你好,同学们!今天,我们有一个数学考试。我希望你们复习,因为我觉得这个考试非常难!”

小明觉得因为他复习,他会考的考试比较好,但是他错了。考试的时候,他不知道怎么解决数学问题,也不可以专心,因为他以前喝了咖啡。他没有时间解决所有的问题。

“小明,你一定要给我你的考试。下课了!”

小明说,“可以给我一分钟吗?”

但是,他的老师告诉小明,“对不起,你不可以。”

一天后,小明的老师说,“小明,你的成绩不太好,对不起。”小明看他的考试成绩,看到他的成绩非常糟糕的。小明哭了,因为他知道他的爸爸妈妈会拿到他的手机。

回家后,小明的妈妈看她的考试,然后他说,“小明,我很失望!我们说你一定要学习。”

小明又哭了,因为他花了很多时间做功课,复习,学习,但是他还是拿到不好的成绩。他的妈妈和爸爸不明白。他的父母拿到他的手机,也说,”小明下次,你一定要拿到一个A。“

小明的压力很大,因为他觉得他的父母可能不喜欢他,因为他不是一个非常聪明的学生,也不太勤奋。

我一定要认真的学习。

但是,他知道他不知道怎么认真的学习,怎么拿到好的成绩。如果他要拿到好的成绩,他一定要偷别人的答案。他一定要作弊。

上英文课,小明的英文老师说,“你们一定要学一个文章!这个是你的考试。”小明觉得很害怕。他可以做什么?

小明的英文老师去外面的时候,小明站起来说,“你好,同学们!我的父母拿到我的手机因为我的成绩特别糟糕的。但是,我要玩网站游戏,也要给我的朋友打电话。我觉得我不可以写文章,但是你们都可以!如果你会给我写文章,我可以给你十块钱。“

他的同学们都说,“对不起,我不要帮你作弊。”

但是,下课后,有一个男孩子说,“如果你给我五十块钱,我可以写你一篇文章。”

小明思考了。五十块钱不太便宜,但是他要他的妈妈给他他的手机。

“好,可以!”小明说。他给这个男孩子五十块钱。

一天后,这个男孩子给小明他的文章。小明觉得很开心,因为她的妈妈爸爸就可以看它有好的成绩!小明给他的英文老师这篇文章。但是,小明的老师说,“小明,这个不是你的文章!”

小明说,“是我的!我昨天写这篇文章。我不是一个骗子!“

但是,他的老师说,”你一定要去看校长。“

虽然他不要看小张,但是小明去,因为他不要老是给他的父母打电话。

校长说,“小明,我听到了你作弊。为什么?”

小明说,“因为我不可以写文章。我的妈妈拿到我的手机,因为我的成绩不太好。虽然我女里学习,但是我就不知打怎么解决问题!我不知道我要做什么。”小明一边哭了,一边说了。

“对不起,小明,”小上说了。“但是,你不可以作弊。如果你不是一时学习,你不可以学新的事物!”

小明觉得他说的是最的,但是他不说这个。
~
Word count: 708 words
SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

March 19th, 2026 Daily:

Dear Paranormal,

I present this letter to you with gritted teeth in knowing that I, of my own volition, enter your cabin. This is unexpected to say the least.

We have, since the beginning of time, been enemies, mostly owing to leader negotiations which I definitely had nothing to do with at all. In the midst of our hatred, though, a certain kind of admiration comes about, despite my conscious dislike for you as a cabin.

For starters, I suppose that you do have pretty good music taste on the whole. There are at least a couple of BLÜ EYES fans out of you all, people who listen to Maisie Peters and more.

Some of you (hi, Tell and Toko!) have tolerated my incessant ramblings about whatever it is that I like and really cannot shut up about. You have engaged in deep conversations with me about Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 and The Poppy War (along with other books by R. F. Kuang) and have endured my annoyingness even when it must have taken great patience to do so. (Though, I might add, I have tolerated all yours in return, so don’t you go and forget that.)

A lot of you give pretty good critiques, actually. The profile pictures you have are kind of cool. You also have a storyline that is at least…passably decent. Congratulations, I didn’t expect that of you all! You also have questions of the day, which I’ll pretend you didn’t steal from Dystopian (because anything and everything good comes from Dystopian, obviously), but you do a fairly okay job of updating them on time, and you have at least a few people answer them.

I do sometimes stalk your cabin. Wait. I wasn’t supposed to say that.

But, let’s be honest, you probably do the same, don’t you?

And, for all the amount that we have hated you, you have hated us back in equal measure. It takes a certain kind of love to so actively hate us, doesn’t it?

All this to say…Maybe you’re not completely horrible after all.

Sincerely,
Snowy (on behalf of Dystopian Expedition 22)
~
Word count: 353 words
SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

March 20th, 2026 Daily:

There once was a creature named Gurtle
who was a very green turtle.
On days he was bored, he’d jump over his hurdle
to get to his lair.
There, he laid his soul bare
in a notebook as he pulled out the hair
of victims he’d captured who would stare
as Gurtle plucked from his garden a rose
and from his victims, their toes
before he turned on the watering hose.

***

They sing to their children a quiet lullaby,
watching the sea meet the sand in gentle waves.
They do not know yet that this is a goodbye,
for the shore will be their graves.
They’ll be buried under sand,
listening, ever listening, as their parents sing them to sleep
to accompany them to a safer land
where their sorrowful children need no longer weep.
They tire of the endless war,
and their shoulders ache from the weight of the worlds they bore.

***

It started with clipped wings,
then they the strings
they tied around my arms, just a puppet
for their needs. Hit the bottom of the bucket,
with every performance, a renewed ache
for something else, a body that might break.
They took my voice and told me not to fly,
but without the freedom, I might die.
They’d turn me into wood,
something inhuman, something theirs—if only they could.
~
Word count: 222 words in total
SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

March 21st, 2026 Daily:

based on a poem by Starrii:
The underworld is so beautiful, so full of bliss—
Air invisible like a misty breath.
A quietly inviting abyss—
It calls me, summons me to drink from the magical Lethe.
I heed the call— and I feel the kiss
Of the heavenly river, my lips aneath
The flowing current— but I pay no heed to the hiss
Of my life escaping my memories— nay, the freath
Taking my past from me, enslaving my fleur-de-lis—
Is it not beautiful— the river of death?


Ravynne sat by the edge of the Lethe and retched.

This was not how it was supposed to be. This was never how it was supposed to be.

Ravynne, a villain. Ravynne, a victor. Both of those two facts were true, somehow, paradoxically. Her mother would have been so proud that Ravynne turned into exactly the person she had been groomed to become, but as much as she tried to appreciate the victory, she found herself slipping back into guilt again and again.

The underworld, however, was a fitting place for her, though, far more than the aboveground havens turned horrible as she smiled for the pictures and made herself the one she was supposed to be. This far below, she wasn’t meant to be anything, and no one expected anything from her. To break the laws of the earth was to be human, and Ravynne, it seemed, had done that plenty of times. Far more than enough to be human.

Em. The thought hit her like a stone, and just like that, the brief reprieve she’d had was gone. Ravynne heaved, sucking down air like she’d suffocated in her first life. Still, it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough.

A betrayal—of the worst kind. Everything had been a lie. Her name. Who she was. The side she was fighting for.

What she had to do to win.

Ravynne hadn’t wanted to hurt Em, she hadn’t. But it was necessary to prevent her from further pain, because who knew what Astraia would have done to her if Ravynne hadn’t stepped in first? Ravynne’s mother had always desired the best for her child, the perfect victory that Astraia herself had had in her younger days.

She simply didn’t understand that that wasn’t what Ravynne had wanted. The cost was too great. Ravynne knew that before, and even if she hadn’t, she knew it better than ever now.

Ravynne sat at the Lethe begging for forgiveness in impermanence. A cure lay in its waters, a true reprieve from the past. One sip, and she would be someone different. Her memories gone, true, but she would be free from the pressure of her past, the things that weighed down on her. It would be so easy, so very easy to just drink the water and forget…

And this was why she had come, wasn’t it? To forget. To be forgiven. To live another life.

Maybe Em could love this new person in the way she had Kaitlyn, but this time, none of it would be a fiction. History and time would rewind themselves and give her a second chance when people did not, and how could anyone blame her for a past she no longer knew?

Yes, to drink of the Lethe was the only step forward that made sense.

“Who would you be if you could be anyone?” Em asked.

Ravynne—Kaitlyn to Em—shrugged. “I don’t know. Anyone but myself, I guess.”

“I like you as you are,” Em said thoughtfully, and then laughed. She was always laughing, it seemed, and Ravynne envied her for that. “No, but really.” She paused. “I think I’d want to be Heracles.”

Of course she would. The ultimate hero.


Ravynne had always known the girl in the forest was a fiction, but now, she could make it true. Fiction turned reality, a story unwritten and rewritten, a life righted and a person born on the right side of the boundary.

She dipped her hands into the river and drew a cup of water to her lips. Without a second thought, she drank it, and the relief was immediate.

Blissfully, she was no longer the same. Ravynne was no longer held captive by her memories.
~
Word count: 619 words
SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

SWC March '26 Weekly Three
Total word count: 1,851 words

Part One:

As a sci-fi story only set slightly in the future, this story takes extensions of existing technology and shapes the world around it—more specifically, the atomic bomb.

The successful detonation of the 1945 atomic bomb called “Trinity” set off a global quest for nuclear proliferation that, in part, became the basis for the Cold War. The Second Nuclear Age, brought about by bigger, more precise bombs, led to yet another quest for nuclear dominance.

These new bombs harnessed the same science of nuclear fission and fusion to create more powerful bombs, but as scientists made a breakthrough in their development, atomic weapons have been able to target both vast and small areas with minimal fallout elsewhere. This means that the dangers of using nuclear weapons in times of war are minimal to the country employing it, enabling them to launch bombs closer to home without risk of adverse effects to its own population by fallout spread. These bombs have built-in mechanisms to calculate, based on current weather conditions and data for weather patterns in specified areas, the exact amount of power to react, giving them a highly specified radius for attack. All this happens while the excess power is concentrated to that radius, bringing greater destruction to the area within its range.

With greatly powerful technology comes the necessity to hide it, and as soon as the scientists discovered the success of these programs, they rushed to hide this lethal technology in humans through near-undetectable surgical implantation of the final piece of the bomb required to detonate it.

(258 words)

Part Two:

This world is set not terribly far in the future (a few decades out, probably) in a highly polarized geopolitical climate. Three world powers have emerged (largely based on the U.S., the former Soviet Union, and China, but taken somewhat loosely), and the smaller countries take sides based on which they think is most likely to make it out of the war as the victor.

While an era of war and fear does dominate the time, it’s not in the sense of hot war. Instead, the Second Cold War brings tension as countries attempt to one-up each other and the population lives under the fear of being bombed in their own homes. No one fears conscription; instead, they fear finding their children have the missing piece to the bomb. No one trusts each other, but everyone masquerades under unity within their society out of fear of being targeted as a public enemy.

In this society, the government and the scientists are mostly at odds, both holding incredible power, while the common people are caught in between, trying desperately not to get hurt in the crossfire in international and civil tensions.

In order to convince the public that they are safe, the government officials of the U.S.-inspired sphere send out weekly broadcasts with scientific updates regarding their weapons developments, pretending they, too, aren’t at the mercy of their scientists as well—until they find any of those missing pieces.

Additionally, the three powers are competing for allies. Everyone wants people to be on their side, so they attempt to display their power through increasingly large shows of power (often dangerous ones marketed as something beautiful) while trying to entice them with promised benefits, most of which come slowly. The whole Second Cold War is like a massive game of manipulation, misinformation, and tension, everyone knowing that the world is very well pushed to its brink but very much so refusing to accept that.

(324 words)

Part Three:

Ivy was used to noise. She was used to the incessant whispers of the media rooms, people telling her what to do and what not to do, the whir of the camera and the echoes of the microphones. But that was a different kind of noise—tense, heavy, waiting.

This place was noisy in that vibrant way, the kind of thing Ivy used to imagine when she was younger, when her name was still Clara and she thought the world would fall into place perfectly. The city—no, borough, they’d said—called Manhattan was lively and filled with possibility. People lined up on the side of the road, snaking into rooms for shows. And these weren’t shows like the ones she was used to, either. On those, she was the star, but here, people came for fun to watch fiction put on stage. Imagine that!

“How do I get in?” Ivy asked to no one in particular as she marveled at the gigantic billboards lining the skyline and the advertisements pasted on buildings.

“You got a ticket?” the man at the back of the line responded.

“Oh,” she said slowly. “No.”

“Gotta get a ticket if you want to see it. Counter’s over there, you can see if there are any left.” The man jerked a thumb over his shoulder, and indeed, the counter was right there with another line behind it.

Ivy didn’t think she’d ever seen so many people in one place.

“Thanks,” she said, but the man wasn’t listening anymore. Instead of approaching the counter, she walked in the opposite direction, going wherever there was to go.

What was this place? This area where people could see shows for fun, could live without fear of tomorrow, who didn’t need to live in fear of the thing in their hearts? Ivy wondered what it must be like to live without thinking constantly of the threat to her life that existed within her. They seemed so carefree.

She picked up a newspaper from a stall on the side of the road, something she thought that no one did anymore. Then again, this wasn’t her home, nor was it her time.

The newspaper’s headlines talked about singers she’d never heard of (at least, she thought they were singers, by the way they were on stage with a microphone, but for all she knew, they could be anything), wars between countries that no longer existed, and made only passing mentions of the bombs.

You have no idea what you’re in for, Ivy thought, looking around at the bustling city filled with lights. If only they knew…

Thirty years could make such a difference. To think that Ivy’s father could have lived through a time like this and known both the fear of the present and the ease of the past.

Ivy smiled at the people she passed by on the sidewalk, even if they didn’t know who she was, even if they didn’t so much as look at her. It was better this way, to give them a bit of joy before their own lives fell apart like hers did.

But at least they would never be hunted for a cruel choice of “safety.” Ivy, a living, ticking time bomb—almost literally. For now, though, she was just a girl in New York City, looking for a place to have dinner.

It was strange how normal their lives were. Life before consolidation. Life before even terror became utterly and thoroughly mundane.

“You from around here?” the waiter asked, handing Ivy a menu when she sat down at her table in the restaurant.

I wish, Ivy thought. But all she said was, “Yeah. Lived in the city my whole life.”

(614 words)

Part Four:

Clara always felt like her heart beat a little irregularly. It wasn’t quite the steady thump-thump that you read about in books, more of a half-done song with the other hand always waiting to fall. Thump-th-thump, or something like that, she supposed.

But her father always told her never to tell, not a soul. It was a little secret.

Even with him, it was always theoreticals. He’d always begin those sentences with an “if,” like, “If you think there might be something wrong with your heart, don’t say a word about it. They’re looking for the people who will turn themselves in with their own stupidity.”

Clara, of course, understood practically none of that, but she sure as hell did not want to be considered stupid, so she shut up about the arrhythmia and hoped that whatever it meant wouldn’t kill her.

But they extended the searches to individual houses, to going out of their way to find the ones with bombs in their hearts, destructive metal running through their veins. The day the soldiers knocked on the door—so polite, even if the act of putting a stethoscope to her back wasn’t an invasion—and called it a “routine check” was burned into her memory now. The fear in her father’s eyes, the tautness of his features. The way it got worse when the soldiers didn’t let go of her arm, when instead they told him that, “We need to take her with us. Thank you for complying, sir.”

The title meant nothing. The lack of her name, though…

That was something she would soon get used to.

***

The last time Ivy heard her real name be used was that fateful day before she left home forever. And it was funny, wasn’t it? The things that she thought of most. The air here was always cold. She couldn’t remember the way her father’s voice sounded. Maybe if she hadn’t wondered so obsessively about a passing comment or two, she wouldn’t be here at all.

Regardless, though, this was her life now.

The musty scent of her “home” shouldn’t have bothered her, not after nine years, but when she had all the time in the world to think and overthink, it made sense that she would have analyzed the smell, too. It was more fitting for something in medieval times, she thought, not the world now. Though, as a prisoner, she received none of the benefits of her value and all the weight of responsibility—and worse than that, the weight of her past.

That little girl had no idea how much she had to lose, Ivy thought, then shook her head to clear it.

“You okay?” Echo asked from the other side of the room.

“Yeah, just…memories.”

“Oh.”

Silence with Echo was easy; the two of them knew each other so well by this point that any words existed solely to create evidence of their thoughts and less so to communicate.

The thing in Ivy’s chest beat again, a sound she now wished she could silence from years of intimacy in that same manner. Every heartbeat was a reminder of the death that awaited her.

Celebrations. They’ll celebrate you, one day.

Only not in the way she wanted. They’d celebrate her death, her great way to serve her country, never mind that she never had a choice in the matter to begin with.

“They’ll be ready to do the filming soon,” Echo said, glancing at the clock in the room, one of the only bare-bones decorations.

Like she had hundreds of times before, Ivy wondered what would happen if she skipped it. But they’d find out the way they always did, and they’d make an example of her.

Take the bomb from her heart and detonate it. Then they’d show the world who really was powerful there—and one thing was for certain: It wasn’t Ivy.

But all she said was, “I guess we should get ready, then.”

(655 words)
SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

Critique for Ava!

Hi, Ava! Here with your critique <3 Firstly, I'm going to be doing this on my first read through so you get my initial reactions, and then afterward, I'll reread and give some more general thoughts!

Anddd without further ado, here we go!

Okay, firstly, I love how you start in the middle of the action. It gets me right into the story and asking questions (which is good because I now want to know the answers)

Not any closer than I was a week ago, I have to say. The alchemy bench now has scorch marks upon it because of the most recent experiment. I must say,
This is minor, but the similarity between “I have to say” and “I must say” kind of detracts from both of their meanings

(Text: Experiment 28)
There is a little bit of repetition in sentence structure here, which is fine, but I think that sentences two to seven have very similar rhythms, so I'd recommend adding a little bit of variety there (a dependent clause in one sentence or an otherwise longer sentence would help) so they don't get monotonous!

We are approaching our milestone of century experiments, but I am not closer to approaching my goal. I'm afraid that I will have to disappoint her yet again.
I think adding some more context/hinting about the stakes would be good! Otherwise, I'm not sure if it's just a minor setback or a world-altering mistake, you know? Plus, it would help to build tension! Eliminating a little bit of mystery here in service of creating stakes could actually help you to create more mystery, too

(Text: Experiment 196)
Ooh, I really like this bit! It definitely builds the tension and mystery

When you were conscious, we would smile and joke about how late you worked into the night. Is this you, catching up on the hours of rest that you never got?
This part is great! I love the quiet revelation and the further context into the past, which definitely does more to drip feed more details and raise the stakes

The last time I tried to feed a potion to you in hopes it would work
I think we need to know what the potion working would look like, at least to an extent, because otherwise, we're kind of grasping at straws

(All of Experiment 4250)
Oh, shoot. This is a really, really strong ending. More on this later.

And now: Overall thoughts!

Main Critique:
• The main thing I think that you could do here is to give a bit more context! There's a lot of mystery here, which does build to the very ending nicely, but for the majority of the piece, I'm wondering what the point of the experiments are, who is “she,” and how they got here. I think it's definitely helpful to have some of that disorienting lack of knowledge so you can effectively build to the ending; however, at some points, I lose track of the “why?” because I don't fully get what's going on, and it's hard to find the stakes when I'm not entirely sure. Some more lines about her/the both of them in the past, even if slightly vague (or alternatively, hyperspecific) to keep that disorientation would better establish the stakes and who “she” is as a character—because she is a character. She serves a purpose in the story, not just a foil (or whatever the better word would be here?), so you need to make her important to us too! Also, a little more context into their relationship at the beginning would be good, because initially, I thought she was the narrator's boss or something. As for the “how did we get here?” part, some slight flashbacks or more statements earlier on hinting at the fear/guilt would definitely establish part of that “why?” and also would make the stakes more apparent.
• For the first two experiments, the voice seems to be a little flippant and cavelier, but it later becomes very clear that it's anything but. I'm pretty sure that part of the narrator's arc is supposed to be this kind of…descent into madness, I guess? But obviously she's important to the narrator, and I think even in the beginning, the narrator would be extremely concerned—which also helps us to understand the stakes and thereby raise them.

More Stylistic Critique:
• This is super minor, but since the entire thing is italics, you could probably just put it in whatever the non-italicized font is called? But that's really up to personal preference.
• You use a lot of extra words that make it feel a little like you're trying to hit a word quota as opposed including what's necessary. A lot of this comes from statements like “I will” and “I have” and “I am,” which are fine in small amounts to make the reader slow down and think about the words more carefully, but when you read a series of statements like that, it feels a little stilted and unnecessarily long, even though it's only a couple of extra words here and there. I'd recommend cutting these or changing some of them to contractions so you can have a little more variation!

Things I Loved:
• The style! It was SO clever to put this in the form of logs/lab report-type things, because it gave some context but forced me to infer some stuff on my own, too, leaving room for reader interpretation! It's really cool, and I think it was definitely the right way to approach this story.
• The ending, oh my goodness- The utter horror I felt at the end. Before I even read the paragraph, I saw the experiment list, and I knew exactly what had happened. Or I think I do. And that's what I think is really good about this ending—I don't know for sure, but I feel like I do, and by leaving your ending sort of open to reader interpretation, you allow us to feel very smart when we get it and to take it how we want to. Plus, it fit really well with the style of the rest of the piece, and it made the addition of the ingredients and outcomes before so much more critical to the story. This is really, really well done.

All in all, this was a really cool piece to read, and I definitely enjoyed it! I wish you the best of luck <333

Last edited by SnowdropSugar (March 22, 2026 12:51:27)

SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

Critique for Starrii

Hi, Starrii! Here with your critique <3 So the stuff I say at first will just be my thoughts as I'm reading, and then I'll reread and let you know my overall thoughts, so some of the stuff that are my initial thoughts might be irrelevant by the end, depending-

Anyway. Here we go!

you start reading curiously, as the words warn you about the past, of how history could repeat itself again.
Pretty minor, but slight grammatical inaccuracy here! This implies that the words are warning you about the past at the same time you start reading, which is not entirely the case. Also, changing the “of” to “about” could create some interesting repetition?

the entirety of America
Also minor, but you could probably cut “entirety” since you say “throughout” above, and too many qualifiers/descriptors makes them lose some of their power

a legend of Broadway, of Hollywood.
Yeah, so I'm annoyingly nitpicky (sorryyy), but this is the second time you've used “legend” this stanza!

a place, where the black moth of the Shoah wouldn’t exist.
Unnecessary comma after “place” (I do quite like this line, though! Gives more context while not making it feel awkward, like it's very well-integrated)

a place where stars are a beacon of hope,
of light.
certainly not a sign of hate
as they are now, in 1940.
I think there's actually quite a bit from this part that you could cut! We already know stars bring light, so saying so detracts from the mention of hope (which I really, really like), so you could cut that. And then you could probably change “certainly not a sign of hate” to “not of hate” and have that be the next line, but that's more personal preference. Also, the 1940 mention does feel a little bit out of place, because I think an everyday person wouldn't be thinking about the year in a situation like this, and it disrupts the flow a little bit. Maybe you could find a different way to establish it or cut it entirely? I think the majority of people would know that this takes place sometime in the early 1940s, so unless it's critical your audience knows it's specifically 1940, then you can probably cut it.

Here's what a revised version could look like:
a place where stars are a beacon of hope,
not of hate
as they are now.


You might actually be able to get away with cutting “as they are now” if you can establish that they are a sign of hate at the present time elsewhere…But that's worthy of more thought.

my once-unshakeable dream is often changed by time- sometimes, I don’t care about fame.

my thoughts are volatile, as now are my castles in the air.
I love this one!!

if it ends,
that is.
I wonder if you can establish this in another way? I personally feel like this disrupts the flow of the poem, though I do like the doubt that it adds

today’s dawn was the one
which saw us fly away,
Maybe eliminate the passive voice and cut the “was the one which” phrase

away from everything we’d known.
for the past
Maybe a new stanza between these lines? It gives the first of these two lines more weight

trust me, reader-
I find the breaking the fourth wall here a little bit jarring, because the rest of the poem doesn't seem to be addressing the reader, so maybe either weaving it in throughout or cutting it entirely would be good?

and I believe
Maybe you could cut the “I believe” here to make it feel more like a fact? If the narrator really believe it, then it's already a fact to them, you know?

and
you can
trust
no
one?
I think you could cut this part! The “when you have to run / from your friends” is a lot stronger to me, at least and a little less cliché as well. If not, maybe flip the order of the two parts?

that anyone can write
anything they want
on something
we’re forced to wear?
I get what you're trying to say here, but it feels a little like it loses some of its power, slkdjfsl- Maybe bringing in the carelessness of the handwriting more directly would draw a better line here? Because I think what you're trying to say is that they get to decide and they can treat us however they like, that sort of idea, but I think there might be a better way to get that message across

surely, I can tell you,
castles of cruelty
have fractals of hate
spreading to every single corner of people’s hearts.
This part is soooo good; I love it <3

One small thing, but you seem to have an italicized single ending line in all of the other poems in this section, so for consistency, you might want one here?

and they’re identified by
those signs they put
everywhere:
I find this a little bit confusing because it makes it seem like these are their stars…I'm not really sure how to fix it, but I think it's mostly a matter of rewording it!

that’s what good people cannot understand.
This part is also a little confusing. The good people don't understand that evil is always lurking around the corner, but the narrator does understand and (by nature of being almost opposites here) the Nazis maybe don't seem to, so I feel like it's not exactly saying what you want it to say…?

d. blind hate
I really liked this poem!! Definitely my favorite so far.

you ignore the instruction, and open it anyway.
You can cut the comma after “instruction”

I’m not beautiful.
I’m not cute.
Maybe flip these lines and then cut the “I'm” for “I'm not beautiful” to give it more impact?

my voice which I'm not afraid to use.
I think changing this to “a voice I'm not afraid to use” makes this slightly less wordy and stronger?

then why is it
that even after telling people
my friends
my acquaintances
new students
other parents —
how can you talk to her?
don’t you know there was an official complaint made against her?
she’s a bad influence- you can do better.
This part definitely seems super important to include, but I wonder if here is the right place? Is there a way to shorten this or create a different version to go here? Because otherwise the gap between the beginning and end of the question is a little long.

Also, maybe clarify who is telling people? Otherwise it feels like you're the one telling them, which is presumably not the case.

(Not in critique mode right now, but I'm so sorry, Starrii. That's awful. I hope you're doing okay, and I'm here to talk)

you bribe me with sweets,
I refuse.
you give me chocolate for your birthday,
I don’t want it.
I'm a little confused by this part. I assume this is a metaphor for someone trying to spoon-feed you sweet lies, but maybe not, and I think whatever it is, it could do with a bit more clarification!

that even after your constantly
atrocious behaviour
Maybe cut “your constantly atrocious behavior” and change it to “that” so it would give more weight to the final stanza here and leave the audience to infer the rest of it based on the stuff you've already said?

3. serene fantasies
Pretty minor, but this is the second use of “fantasies” in a heading/title! I do really like this title, so maybe consider changing the one in the Anne Frank poems instead?

The verse is very short, but poignant.
Since you share it with the reader, you probably can leave the reader to figure this out for themself! You can probably cut it.

trenches.
the trenches,
where I wait for
my
fate.
the fate I
This could be intended as parallel structure, but this is a little bit awkward when you've done the “(last word) / the (repeat word and then continue)” thing twice here. Perhaps you could change one of them to make the other one more impactful?

bombs being
thrown at you.
Consider making this active voice to portray greater fear? Because to me, the fear comes in that people WILL do this, not that it happens, if that makes sense. Emphasizing the people brings you back to the point about “no genocide” earlier, because genocide is also an active decision.

Okay, general thoughts now!

Things I Liked:
• The message of this is so important, and the way you portrayed that continuity throughout time between the three perspectives really made that apparent!
• The integration of second person to orient the reader was awesome!

Overall Critique:
• You've got a lot of short lines throughout this piece! Consider adding some longer lines or combining some shorter ones to give the ones you leave really short more impact and power.
• Other than that, pretty much everything I've said so far is mostly about adding power to your statements. I think you have a great story that comes through in the poems, but can you make it more powerful and strengthen it by deleting unnecessary words and using more precise language? Some more focus on hyperspecific things could also help to ground the poetry more.

That's all I've got for now! Good luck with this piece, Starrii <333
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March 23rd, 2026 Daily:

Since the moment she had laid eyes on Matthew, Sarah hated him with all her passion. He was the typical jock, the kind of guy whose entire life revolved around football—which, by the way, Sarah thought was just the dumbest sport ever. Why did all the people at her school like it? Sarah sniffed at just thinking it. It was a terrible sport, and she was the only one who saw sense.

She was much happier to just curl up and read her romance books in the corner of the library, sit there and do her homework. Sarah was in this way very much so different from the rest of her class. At least she was willing to put in the work to do her work, thank you very much. She couldn’t believe people got excited over things such as small as the occasional A, because after all, pulling an A was so very easy; the rest of her class was just pretty stupid, that was all.

Anyway. It wasn’t her fault that Mr. Smith put her and Matthew in the same group, and it wasn’t even Sarah’s fault that she was a bit mean to him. Like, just look at his face, his lack of worth ethic, everything! She couldn’t help but give him a rough time when he had grown up with everything. Meanwhile Sarah’s parents had left her for work before dying in the field.

Though…she might have to revisit that statement about his face. He was pretty cute, actually. His chiseled features, his dark brown eyes that seemed to suck her in, the way his hair was perfectly touseled. And that wasn’t even beginning on Matthew’s brooding self.

She came to the conclusion that she had misjudged Matthew. He was perfect. He was the one for her.

Meanwhile, as Sarah delivered another scathing remark to Matthew, he smiled to himself, because obviously, it meant she liked him. More than that, it might even mean that she loved him.

How had Matthew never seen the brightness in Sarah before? How could he not have realized that the mostly quiet, albeit sometimes judgmental, studious bookworm was perfect to balance out his own nature?

Matthew interrupted Sarah: “Hey, you should come over later so we can work on this project together.”

Sarah hesitated, though internally, she was screaming. “Sure!” She cleared her throat and then said again, less eagerly, “That’s probably a good idea.”

At Matthew’s house, they didn’t do a thing to work on the project. But somehow, they did end up kissing, and then Sarah checked the time and realized it was already nine in the evening, and her curfew was 9:30. She couldn’t let her parents think she was anything other than the good girl she had always been.

“No one at school can know,” Matthew said as Sarah left. “But we should do this again sometime.”

“Agreed. To both parts”

And then she left, smiling the whole way home.
~
Word count: 495 words
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March 24th, 2026 Daily:

The air was reminiscent of the sea, with its ever so slightly undertones mingling with the freshness of open waters stretching for miles. It wasn’t home, not quite, but for all she knew, it very well could be. Everything seemed, in one way or another, reminiscent of a place she’d been before—déjà vu, perhaps. Like she’d already been here.

Her childhood home, centered on the coast, always smelled the same, but there, she would wrinkle her nose in the mornings as they brought in “fresh new catches!” from the ocean. Here, there was only the strange cleanliness that came with peace, and with it, the scent of loneliness. She thought that if the feeling were to have a scent, it would be this one. Familiar, yes, but empty of the people that make it truly home. Missing something, always missing something, and regardless of how much she hated the smell of that missing thing, she couldn’t help but feel it was wrong without it.

The morning brought the cawing of seabirds, all in conversation with one another. Around her, she heard the fluttering of wings as they took flight in unison, and she wished she were among them with a flock to call her own. So easy their conversation seemed, so upbeat. They could tell each other anything, those birds, and she envied them for that.

She walked to the edge of the shoreline and dipped her toes into the water, which sent a shiver running through her body. May now, and it was still practically freezing, despite the warmth of that morning. She couldn’t wait for summer, but she knew, as everyone in the Northeast did, that summer brought deadly heat, and no sooner than experiencing it would they quickly decide that autumn was preferable. But for now, she let the waves roll over her bare feet, sloshing up against her skin. Surely they left traces of salt on her skin, but she liked the way it felt like a rebirth when she emerged from the ocean, sand everywhere, salt crusted over, like a shell she would shed to become someone new.

Even in her clothes, she ventured further and further into the depths, trying desperately to escape the loneliness of shore. A rebirth, a revelation—that was what she needed. The currents swept the fabric around her, it billowing out like she, too, was taking flight, and once she got past the point of shivering, she realized it was actually quite pleasant. The water was a shock to the system, stealing her breath from her lungs, but it also was a reemergence into what felt like her true form.

This was where she belonged, far below the loneliness, in flight, in sea, taken wherever the currents asked her to go.

The bitter taste of a land not home disappeared when she took in the salt water, and instead, she was cleansed from the inside out.
~
Word count: 486 words
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March 25th, 2026 Daily:

Ellie’s little legs could hardly carry her as she raced toward the edge of the ocean, every step her body pulling her back while her mind pushed her forward. She shrieked with joy, and her older sister, Anna, rolled her eyes from her place on land.

The younger girl looked back at Anna, stopping only just in time to prevent a crash into the water. “ANNA! Come play in the water,” Ellie shouted, and the sound of her shrill voice made a few beachgoers cringe. Clearly, this five year old’s energy was a little much for people who hoped for a relaxing day.

Anna, on the other hand, was used to the noise, but she was in the middle of a truly excellent fantasy book and really couldn’t be bothered with getting up from it to actually play with Ellie. She looked mournfully down at her book, predicting that Ellie would come back up and bother her into joining in regardless of what her response was. “Ellie,” she called out, “can you just give me like twenty minutes or something?”

Twenty minutes, she figured, was not nearly enough for her to finish the book, but it was enough for her to get to a good stopping point. Or for Ellie to forget.

Unfortunately, Ellie was not ready to forget this that easily. As Anna had predicted, Ellie ran back up the shore, kicking up sand as she went, until she arrived at the picnic blanket. Ellie poked Anna with her toe, and the latter recoiled. “Could you not? Dust off your sandy feet, at least. It’s gross.” Ellie, realizing she had gotten on Anna’s nerves, only smiled sweetly.

“I promise I’ll stop being annoying if you come play with me in the water,” she said, batting her eyelashes in an attempt to create that fabled puppy dog face which Ellie had never once succeeded at.

Anna sighed. “Twenty minutes, Ellie.”

“But I want to play in the water now!”

“But I want to read my book now,” Anna responded, holding up her copy of the latest book in her favorite series.

Ellie grabbed the book from Anna’s hands. “You can read later! But we can only play in the water now.”

Anna hated that she was right, but the last thing she’d ever do was give Ellie that satisfaction. “Get your hands off my new book! You’re going to ruin it.” A pause, and then she said, “Okay, how about this? I finish my current chapter, and then I’ll play with you, but after that, you have to stop bothering me.”

“Until when?”

Anna thought this over. If she asked for too long, then Ellie wouldn’t accept the deal at all, but she wanted to prolong the grace period she’d get for as long as she possibly could. “Until Monday,” she decided.

Ellie wrinkled her nose at this. “But Monday is SO far away,” Ellie said, dragging out that last word.

Once again, Anna rolled her eyes. “Today is literally Saturday. It’s two days.”

Realizing this was probably the best deal she was going to get, Ellie agreed. “Okay, fine.”

Thank GOODNESS.

“Alright, go…build a sandcastle or something. I’ll play with you soon.”

Ellie turned on her heel and sped off once again, laughing and shrieking as she avoided hermit crabs and fell into the waves.

Anna, on the other hand, was ready for a little peace and quiet.
~
Word count: 569 words
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March 26th, 2026 Daily:

John walked in with his hair a mess (this was typical of John in the morning, though, as Sherlock had observed) and waving papers around. A brief glance up told Sherlock exactly what had happened.

Before John could say a thing, Sherlock piped up, figuring the best way to prevent disaster would be to address it directly. “Ah, good morning, John!” Sherlock said brightly, dropping another fingernail into the fire. “I take it you’ve seen the tax papers?”

“How did you—? No, never mind, don’t answer that,” John shook his head in dismay before running his fingers through his hair. “Would you care to explain?”

Sherlock shrugged. “We both needed flatmates, didn’t we? It’s only logical that taxes were a burden on our financial situations as well, so I took care of it.”

“By having us get married? Without my knowledge?” John thrust the papers in front of Sherlock.

“Watch it! I’m in the middle of an experiment,” Sherlock said, squeezing some chemical from the pipette into the fire, which turned blue upon the addition. After a minute, a minute of horrible silence and tension as John’s eyes bulged, Sherlock looked up at his flatmate and told him, “It did save us a lot of money.”

“Right, well…” Sherlock didn’t seem to fathom the true scale of what he’d done, and despite John’s best efforts to articulate it, none of his arguments seemed to stick. “So how long have we been married?”

“Nine years, eleven months, and fifteen days.” Sherlock did not look up from his “experiment” of fire and roasted fingernails.

“TEN YEARS?!” John took a step back and closed his eyes, muttering to himself.

“Not quite.”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT, SHERLOCK.”

The two stared at each other for a second, and John opened his mouth to make another fiery retort when a voice from upstairs silenced the both of them. “Boys! Would you stop shouting? It’s barely seven.”

“Sorry, Mrs. Hudson,” Sherlock called with no respect whatsoever for his volume.

Clearly, though, this was not a battle John would be winning. Instead, he settled on a different line of reasoning: “You could have at least asked me.”

“I did.”

“Oh, really? When was that, huh?” John was sure that he’d remember it if Sherlock had really asked, particularly given that it was Sherlock.

“You were out,” Sherlock responded calmly, noting the confusion on John’s face. “But I did ask.”

John had no words.

“I asked Mycroft to do the paperwork on our behalf.” Sherlock said this as if it should be comfort to John, but evidently, it wasn’t.

“So your brother knows.”

“Yes.”

“And I didn’t.”

”If it helps,” Sherlock began, and his tone made it very clear that it would not, in fact, help, “you do now.”

John had called it, hadn’t he?

The doorbell rang. Sherlock paid it no attention. “Would you get that, John? I’m in the middle of something.”

John rolled his eyes but, despite his anger, walked over to the door and opened it. Standing in the doorway was Mycroft, dressed in a suit and tie and there far too early for a visit in John’s book.

“Oh, you,” John sneered, wrinkling his nose. Without another glance toward Sherlock, he exited through the open door before slamming it shut.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Mycroft observed as John stalked out of the room.

“He saw the tax papers,” Sherlock said by way of explanation.

“Ah. That.” Mycroft chuckled to himself. “He’ll get over it soon enough.”

“Give him an hour,” Sherlock agreed. “He’s John, after all.”
~
Word count: 598 words
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Critique for Starrii:

Okay, just posting my new thoughts in the forums because it’s probably easier what with comment character limits? But this should be short-

Anyway. It definitely looks a lot better now!! The one of the things I noticed is pretty minor and an easy fix, and the other is really up to your own personal preference.

Firstly, I see a lot of em dashes/hyphens at the ends of your lines, which I think creates an interesting rhythm, but it also feels like you’re typically using like two per poem, so maybe limiting that further could help you to make them stronger in the situations where they are used? Some of them are also, at least grammatically speaking, not necessary and may actually make more sense without them.

Secondly, and this is the one that entirely depends on your goals, but you definitely have a lot more poems in the first section than in the second. If you’re looking for a part one and then part two kind of thing, then it may make more sense to add a little to the second part to balance it and give the part more weight? Alternatively, if it’s intended more as an epilogue kind of thing, how it is works perfectly! It really depends on your intentions. If you do add more, though, then it’s definitely worth considering what each poem will add so you’re not just adding for the sake of it, if that makes sense. Like, balance would be important in that case, but more important would be ensuring that you’re not detracting from what you already have.

After that, one thing I always highly recommend doing is reading it out loud! It really does so much for flow and helps you proofread better. Your poetry looks so good, and I’m excited to see how the final product turns out! Good luck with the contest; you’ve got this!
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Headlines Over Breakfast | Snowy's March '26 Writing Comp Entry
Total word count: 1,640 words without the footnotes, 1,956 with
Project version
Author's note


UNPLUGGED)

NOT CONNECTED.
NOT CONNECTED.
Your TV is not connected to the internet. Please check your Wi-Fi connection.

(Stupid thing, just turn on already.)
(Finally.)


You’re here for the 7 o’clock news, ladies and gentlemen.
The date is July 1st, 1946, 2026, and we’ve got
all you need to know about the happenings of the world.
Let’s hand the time over to Gilda on the bombs in—
Oh, right.
We’ll be back in a minute!

We’ve all been there. Your paper is due at eight in the morning, and
you’ve left it for days. Now it’s
3 A.M. and you don’t have a clue what you’re doing. We’ve got you
covered; with Hemingway, you can…

(Not this again.)

NOT CONNECTED.

FALLOUT / What the Textbooks Don’t Tell You

So you need to write something that brings people hope.
So you take the cynical side; why is that?
So you have to decide what’s really important to you: the past
or moving on from it. Because there’s only so much you can do.

“I hate to tell you, but no one really cares about the Marshall Islands, not
right now,” he says. He has a misplaced qualifier, and
I don’t correct him.
I don’t tell him that no one’s ever really cared, look at the textbooks.
A footnote, an unnamed country, a world forgetting,
and history
is more than written by the victors; it’s
unwritten.
But everyone’s a victim, everyone’s a tragedy, and
it’s just another inevitability, another sun rising.

(…)
It was as if the sun came out.
Tremendous.
Even the blind girl in the camp could see it, and
they played in the summertime snow, it killed them, it—
Trinity, a name, a state of holiness, an ascension.
You called it the will of God;
of course it was good.


They bombed that place to hell
and said it is safe for you to go home now, we promise
(as the radiation seeped into your bones,
killed your voice, and
they never lifted a finger to help.)
But I am not supposed to write about the terrible things anymore. They are
stories told, stories buried, stories overshadowed, we’ve
left them behind, so stop forcing us to remember. You’re
disrupting the peace.

They tell me, Don’t study history, it’ll get you nowhere, so I
devalue the humanities,
because poetry never invented anything
and it’s too late to change the past.

They tell me, Don’t study history,
and then we wonder why
history is destined
to repeat itself.

Tragedy Comes Like a Held Breath in a Parking Lot, Forgotten

In seventh grade, I wait in my soccer uniform under shelter
while lightning splits the sky, irritated
that our coach won’t let us play. But
we’re good little rule-followers, not yet taught in the language
of defiance, so we wait,
we wait,
we wait.

The screaming of a ringtone disrupts our chatter, and
my teammate picks up the phone, and hold on,
is she crying?
She asks “Are they okay?” and hangs up and tells us
her cousins were across the street from the shooting
that made the papers that morning.
We hug her and tell her that they’ll be alright, as if
we can will it into being, as if
these words we’ve seen on TV will suddenly make it better.
She says it’s just scary, it’s just
that we’re halfway across the world and can’t do a thing to help them.

Summer after freshman year, I walk out of the Barnes & Noble with my cousins
and my arms full of books. I teeter
under the weight as I get inside our rental car, and my mom jokes
about my endless “to be read” list while black-and-white cars
with flashing red lights filter in.
I try not to notice as a police officer shines flashlights through the windows
of vehicles exiting the parking lot, but despite my best efforts,
I hold my breath.
My mom says, “Time to get out of here,” and my dad hits the gas,
takes the other exit, decides
it’s a drugs case, that’s what it looks like, as
cops from five other towns rush in.

“A shooting,”
my aunt says when we arrive at Trader Joe’s.
It was just down the road, and
I should not be shocked,
not after all this.
But for all I know, I could have been there,
I would have been there,
I should have been there.

Then we forget the tragedy and buy bagfuls of
chips and frozen foods and
all the things we can’t get back home, pretending
that two bags of white cheddar cheese puffs absolve us
from the guilt of so quickly forgetting
a murder.

When we get back,
we tell my uncle, “You’re lucky
we made it home alive,” half-laughing, and
joking is shockingly easy.
We tell my uncle, “Literally,” and
somewhere out there, someone
cannot say the same.

Passive Nihilism

Not another one of these stories,
we’ve heard it before. I close tabs about
the BREAKING NEWS every day to read book recommendations,
to watch snippets from concerts, because
it’s all the same now.
Scroll past genocide, it’s just entertainment.
Let’s watch the highlights from the game last Monday.

A trial put on hold, some murderer with a list of
unspeakable crimes, or maybe this time it’s
a blocked bill, a stock market crash.
Oh, that’s horrible, I think, out of habit,
as I delete the news from my inbox. This is
yesterday’s news, this is
last week’s news, this is
not special anymore, so what’s the point, huh?
You need
bigger headlines, bolder thoughts,
stir us from this stupor with something radical, not
another injustice, that’s boring.

I laugh at economic depressions because it’s
funny that the word also means despondency, as if sorrow
belongs to the money and
not the people.
Yes, that’s right, it’s stolen it from us, but it’s
all for the better,
and we’re stronger for it.

We’re not sad anymore, we’re
melancholy, it’s prettier, it’s better, get it right.
Stop letting it matter.
Stop crying, just ignore it. This is
how the world works,
so grow a thicker skin and
get over yourself, because in a few years,
we’ll all be dead,
anyway.

Places I’m Not Supposed to Love

We debate California vs. Texas again today, a recurring argument,
and it’s pride in where we’re from, sure, but this is the kind of thing
that has torn the fabrics of friendship, easily.
You say, “But the taxes are so high in California,”
as if we know the first thing about taxes.
You say, “The government’s a mess.”
You say, “People are leaving the state, no one wants to be there.”

You don’t understand—
I never thought about the government
or the taxes, it’s just
home.
We walked to the library after school twice a week.
We climbed trees in our backyard and built a zipline from the deck.
We grew up there, and maybe it wasn’t perfect,
but it was good enough
for me.

We debate California vs. Texas today, and
my friend wrinkles her nose every time I mention my hometown.
My mom goes all-out for the Fourth of July; she doesn’t want to be embarrassed
to celebrate our heritage.
And I know: I’m not supposed to love this place,
but I do.

You don’t know this place, do you?
It’s not all bad.
I’m trying to remember that.

Headlines, Systematically

“Have you seen today’s episode of
The Daily Show? It’s just so
funny, here, let me
show you, you
have to see it.”

If I were better at speaking, I’d tell you
to pause it, I already know what they’re going to say.
Headlines, systematically prepared,
designed to elicit a reaction. I’ve seen
the impassioned language,
the questions,
the “THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK PUTS US AT 85 SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT
AND WE’RE VERGING ON SELF-DESTRUCTION”
before.

I subscribed to The New York Times in eighth grade;
my teacher told me to.
I talk politics with friends over lunch as if it does something
(they say it does, but really?).
My dad hits the horn in support of protests, and
my piano teacher asks me if they’re dangerous.

They’re voices.
Of course they’re dangerous, but
not like that.

Pull me in with your questions,
tell me I’m missing something, won’t be complete without it,
make me a person I despise, and—
Everyone hates each other, don’t they?
Headlines, systematically engineered to instill fear.
Cynicism is all the rage, but

I just want to love this world.
Is that really so bad?

Goodbye to The New York Times, I delete every email I get
as soon as I see it.
Goodbye to The Daily Show, it’s not funny
when it’s real.
Goodbye to studying the present, it hurts too much.
I don’t want to read this tragedy anymore.
I know the bluster, the abuse, whatever it is, I’ve seen it,
so, please, spare me the details
just this once.

We ask for progress then destroy our hope in it.
How do you expect me to work for a future
I can’t believe in?

On the day my chemistry teacher asks us “What gives you hope?”

We respond with the typical:

My friends.
Family.
Three o’clock. (So going home, then?) (Yeah, pretty much.)
Sleeping.
My dog.
Friends, definitely.
Can you come back to me? (Sure.)
My family.
Summer break! (Wow, looking far ahead already.)
Lunchtime. (What do you have?) (I don’t know. I just like lunch.)
Friends, and—
Graduation. (Ooh, looking forward to leaving us all behind, I see.)
Winter break.
My friends and my dog, probably.

But what is there to say?
Truthfully, I don’t know, I’m not sure
if there is anything at all that makes me believe
in the next day.

I settle on an answer half-true
and hope one day
I will not need a qualifier:

“People, sometimes.”

Footnotes

July 1st, 1946: The date of the first nuclear test in the Marshall Islands, Crossroads Able.

Gilda: A nod to the nickname of the Able bomb, after a movie character in a 1946 film of the same name.

The Marshall Islands: A collection of islands in Micronesia and the location of the United States’s largest and most publicized nuclear detonations between 1946–1958.

“It was as if the sun came out. Tremendous.”: Barbara Kent’s (Trinity test witness) description of the Trinity test.

“Even the blind…the summertime snow.”: The Trinity test was detonated near a dance camp in the summer of 1945. 100 miles away from the detonation site, a blind girl saw the bright flash. Campers thought the radioactive fallout from the bomb was snow, made hot by the summertime, and played in it.

Trinity: The first nuclear test, launched in New Mexico on July 16th, 1945. It was made highly secret.

“You called it the will of God; of course it was good.”: Navy Commodore Ben Wyatt, when telling the people of Bikini Island in the Marshall Islands to relocate so the U.S. could do their nuclear testing, called it “for the good of mankind.” Another video shows the Marshallese leader, Juda, saying (via English translation) they would go, “believing everything good, and everything in God’s hands.” Wyatt responded, “Everything being in God’s hands, it must be good!”

“…bombed that place to hell”: A reference to Bob Hope’s quote, “As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn’t been touched by the war and blew it to hell.”

“…it is safe for you to go home now…”: The U.S. government publicly promised the Marshallese that their radiation-contaminated home was safe to go back to in the 1960s before conducting studies on the Marshallese to observe radiation’s effects on humans (Project 4.1) with neither their knowledge nor consent.

Credits

A huge thank-you to…
• Zy for critiquing this collection very last minute!
• My eighth grade history teacher for pushing me during our research project then. In case you couldn't tell, mine was about the Marshall Islands
• My chemistry teacher and class for the inspiration for the last poem, which is my recollection of the responses. Sorry if I got yours slightly wrong-
• You for reading!

Last edited by SnowdropSugar (June 29, 2026 10:13:16)

SnowdropSugar
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Snowy's Writing Thread <3

SWC March '26 Weekly Four
Total word count: 2,531 words (story only)


Prompts, in order:
200 words to begin the story
400 words where the character receives a new opportunity
300 words where the character makes an enemy
400 words where the character adopts an animal
Go outside for 30 minutes
500 words where the character negotiates
200 words to end the story


Maia was not in the mood to deal with nonsense, not even in the slightest. Unfortunately, though, nonsense didn’t seem to get the hint and kept finding her.

It began as soon as she woke up. She and her younger sister, Lia, shared a room and a bunk bed. Although it was a Saturday, Maia had completely forgotten to turn off her alarm in the morning, and worse still, she had somehow changed the sound of it to the most annoying, terror-inducing sound in existence. As Lia told her, “It’s more like a fire alarm than a clock!” Maia agreed, though without it, she wasn’t sure she would wake up on time.

All this to say, instead of waking up at a leisurely time, maybe nine or so, she was up by 5:30. This was the last thing Maia wanted after staying up until three trying to get a head start on her homework, because her overactive brain worked best in the middle of the night. Of course, at this time, it was already light out, and Maia couldn’t possibly go back to sleep when she could already see the sun peeking through the curtains.

Startled by the sound of her alarm, she sat bolt upright, completely forgetting her place on the top bunk and her low ceiling. Her morning began with a horrible alarm clock, some unreasonable hour, and a bruise on the top of her head. And that was just the beginning.

As she went downstairs, Maia stubbed her toe. Figures, she thought, sighing deeply. Still, she continued as if the inconvenience had not bothered her in the slightest (even though that was an abject lie).

Downstairs, Maia’s mom was reading at the kitchen table. “Maia, is that you?” her mom asked as Maia stepped on the creaky stair.

“Yep,” Maia said, then remembered to be quiet because Lia was still trying get back to sleep.

“Well! I have some good news for you!” Maia’s mom said, smiling at her and walking over to her daughter with open arms.

Thank goodness, Maia thought. I’m due a bit of good news today.

“You know what came in the mail today?”

No, really? Maia looked at her watch—it showed the date in addition to the time—and sure enough, it really was May 13th. “They liked my piece?” Two months ago, she’d submitted an application as a junior journalist for a newspaper in her area, and they’d asked for an article to “get an understanding of your style” (direct quote). Maia had rushed her piece, what with her business in school, so she hadn’t expected anything.

“Oh, I haven’t opened the letter yet, but didn’t they say you wouldn’t hear back unless they were interested?" Maia’s mom asked.

Maia nodded eagerly. Any news was good news in this case, so she quickly took the letter from the table after embracing her mom briefly, and, holding her breath, opened the envelope. She skimmed the text, but the moment she saw “congratulations” she let out a small yelp before once again remembering Lia and covering her mouth. But she did it! They actually wanted her!

“Oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness.” In her excitement, Maia’s words ran into each other, and her face broke into a wide smile.

“When do you start?” Maia’s mom asked.

“July, it says. Well, actually, June, because I’m writing a monthly article, but I’ll be published in the July issue.” So that meant two months, a mere two months until she’d be published. This was something she had dreamed of for years, and finally, finally, her daydreams would become reality.

A job. She’d be paid, of course, but that was hardly the most important part to Maia. Someone liked her piece enough that they actually wanted her on the team.

As a writer, she’d get to shed light on a topical issue of her choice in the newspaper every month, and that was just the start. She’d attend conferences. Give interviews. Speak on behalf of the company. Maybe it was just a small regional newspaper, but it was something.

Maybe this day wasn’t actually going to be as bad as she’d thought earlier. Maybe something good would actually last…

***


By afternoon, Maia had spent all day thinking about the letter. Imagine! Imagine! She still was convinced it was fantasy.

They’d also requested, in their letter, that she head to the office to meet the staff as soon as she could. Wanting to make a good impression, and fearing forgetting, she asked her mom to drop her off right after lunch. Maia had to force food into her mouth, because she was so excited (and nervous) that her stomach kept turning. But here she was.

The security looked at her letter for confirmation that she was indeed allowed in before nodding and opening the door.

The interior of the office was beautiful. The receptionist offered her a coffee, which Maia desperately needed and therefore accepted gratefully. After, she asked for directions to the general office, where she was supposed to meet the newspaper’s senior editor.

She sipped her open-topped coffee as she walked, so intent on remembering the directions and room numbers that she forgot to avoid the people in the hallway. This wouldn’t have been that much of a big deal if there wasn’t anyone in the hallway. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

“Hey, watch it!” came the voice of a man only a few years older than her, maybe a college student, as she walked by. This would have been a great warning, if only it had come about two seconds earlier.

Maia walked into the man and spilled her coffee all over his shirt. Oh, dear, she thought.

“And what on earth do you think you’re doing here?” he demanded, looking down at his shirt and then—under his breath, though not so quietly that Maia couldn’t hear—cursing. “That’s gonna stain, you know that? And I have an important meeting in a few minutes.”

To be fair, though, Maia thought, if you had time to warn me, you probably had time to move as well. But even thinking that, it was easy to realize the hot water she’d put herself in just then. And never mind her own hot water; she’d just drenched a guy in hot coffee.

“Sorry,” she stammered, looking anywhere but at him for as long as she could. Her cheeks felt hot, and she would not cry, this was just some dream, this just started with her alarm clock going off too early…

She risked a glance at the man, who was still fuming. “I’m the junior journalist, here to meet the senior editor. They just go back to me about my piece. I, uh, then I guess I’ll see you around?” Maia was in a hurry to get away, but clearly this man was not.

“Oh, you think you’re special because they wanted you after some dumb piece you wrote? Is that right?” The man sneered at her. Maia wasn’t about to tell him that that was exactly what she thought. “Well, let me tell you this: They’ve gotten a new one every year, some ‘great talent’ or whatever they call it now. Not one of them ever lasts, and you’re about to find out that you won’t either.” And with that, he brushed past her and left her to figure out the coffee and, more importantly, wonder if this was the way that everyone would be.

***


The meeting, she thought, could have gone worse. Of course, it could have gone far better, too, but Maia was willing to take the little she could get at that point. At least she didn’t spill her coffee all over the senior editor, right?

She made her way to the parking lot after, waiting for her mom to pick her up. Unfortunately, Maia had committed the cardinal sin of not letting her mom know the pickup time in advance, so instead, she was left to wait around for an hour. Not wanting to intrude on the people at the office any longer (particularly when keeping in mind the coffee debacle), and acknowledging the lack of other places to go, she resigned herself to staying in the parking lot, which was not as warm as it ought to be for May. But never mind that.

A small cat let out a pitiful meow next to her, and her eyebrows knit together as she caught a glimpse of the tiny creature. Wide eyes and a scruffy brown coat of fur.

“Do you have an owner, little guy?” Maia asked. She’d never been a particular fan of cats, but this one seemed an awful lot friendlier than most of the others she’d seen so far.

Obviously, the cat did not respond to this.

Knowing she had time to kill, Maia knelt down next to the cat and offered her hand for it to sniff. Tentatively, it stuck its nose out.

“I promise I’m not going to hurt you,” Maia said softly. She began to scratch the cat’s neck, and to her surprise, it started purring.

Clearly Maia was better with cats than she thought.

For an hour, until her mom came, she kept scratching the cat, who, it appeared, had nowhere to go and just wanted a little attention. As Maia’s mom pulled up in the parking lot, Maia made an impulsive decision: She would bring home the cat.

“How was it?” Maia’s mom asked, rolling down the window and waiting for Maia to get in.

“Oh, it was good, I guess,” Maia said absentmindedly, temporarily forgetting the embarrassment. “But, mom, I found this cat, see?”

“Oh?”

Maia held up the cat so her mom could see. The kitten was startlingly willing to do this, to tolerate Maia.

“He just came up to me, and I think he likes me. He doesn’t have a collar, so I’m pretty sure it’s not anyone else’s cat. Could we keep it?”

Maia watched her mom think deeply about this. On one hand, they didn’t really know where the cat had come from, and who knew what diseases it could be carrying? On the other hand, Maia’s mom, at least, had always wanted a cat, and Lia would be thrilled about a pet.

Her mom sighed. “Well, alright, then.”

“Yay!” Maia said. Using one hand to hold the cat and one hand to grasp the door handle, she opened the door to the passenger’s side and set the cat in her lap after sitting down.

“Don’t make me regret this,” Maia’s mom warned, but by the way she looked at the cat, Maia could tell that she was already smitten with the little creature.

Just then, Maia received a call. The senior editor, who she’d only just met. What was this?

“Hello?” she said into the speaker, her voice lilting at the end of the word.

“Hi, is this Maia?”

Maia nodded before realizing that that wasn’t something he could see. “This is Maia! What is it?”

A deep breath. Oh, no. This couldn’t be something bad, could it? Please, it had to be nothing.

“Ah, so…” The senior editor paused. “So we’ve just revisited the finances,” he finally began.

“And?” Maia failed to see why this was important to her. The company, sure, but it wasn’t really her problem.

Except that evidently, it was. “Unfortunately, we’ve realized that this year, we don’t have the funds to pay for a junior journalist. You see, money has been low for the company lately, and we just can’t quite get together the promised payments.”

Maia’s blood pounded in her ears. What did they mean? They’d given her the job; they couldn’t just give her up now!

“So what does this mean for me?” Maia asked nervously. She desperately hoped that this wasn’t what she thought it was, that they weren’t letting her go.

“It means that we can’t hire you,” the senior editor said.

But you already did, Maia thought. It’s too late now.

“No, no, you promised in the letter,” she said. She hated how weak her words sounded, almost like she was begging. For all she knew, she may very well have been.

“I know,” the senior editor told her, gently, a butcher that carefully lifts his prey before delivering the killing blow, “but I’m sorry, Maia. The real world just doesn’t quite work out sometimes.”

And that was the last straw. Maia wasn’t going to be patronized; she knew how the real world worked just fine. She was a good writer—she knew that! And she deserved to be in that paper. They’d told her so.

“There’s got to be some other way.” Maia tapped her foot on the ground, and her mother cast her nervous glances. “Can’t you…?” She trailed off as she thought of any solution that could possibly work. “I’ll work for free. For the first entry, anyway.”

The senior editor took a long time to respond. “And after that?” he said finally. He was considering it, at least. She had him hooked. That was good.

“After that, if you’ve seen that my writing is up to par, then you’ll pay me the promised amount. I’ll bring more money in; I’ll get you the younger audience, too.” She wasn’t sure she could do any of this, but she had to try. Maia wasn’t going to lose this chance. “I’ll bring in the extra revenue to pay for my keep, and if I don’t, then you can figure out what you want to do with me. Fire me, sure, but give me a chance.” She paused. “Please.”

After a long while, the editor responded. “I’ll talk to the rest of the team,” he told her, his speech slow and careful. “But it could work.”

“Thank you so much,” Maia said, the words tumbling into each other.

“It’s not a promise,” he warned.

But it was a start. “I know.”

“So…what’s the deal?” Maia’s mom asked after she hung up. Maia could tell that she’d been dying to know the answer ever since her daughter picked up in the first place.

“I’m still in,” Maia began, “for now, anyway. They don’t have the money to pay me, but I’m going to prove that I’ll bring up the revenues, and after that, they’ll make sure that I’m a permanent addition.”

Her mom smiled. “Good for you. You’ve worked hard for this.”

Maia knew that better than anyone else, but it was nice to hear someone else say it. “Thanks.” She only hoped this wouldn’t be the last piece she’d write for the paper, but if she worked hard, they’d know how important she was to their success. They wouldn’t believe that she’d brought so much viewership to the paper.

And, more importantly, she would prove the guy in the hallway wrong. She wasn’t just some wannabe writer. Maia could do it, she could write, and she’d show him that she wasn’t just some one-and-done feature. No, she’d be a permanent addition.

Maia clasped her hands together and smiled slightly.

The day hadn’t been the best, that was for sure. But it could have gone a whole lot worse.

Description of the outing (I didn’t take a photo, but I just had to describe it):

Okay, so for the 30 minutes I spent outside, I went swimming with my dad! It was like 7:15 in the morning when we got there, and the beach was so clean and the water was such a nice temperature, but the best part? When you got out in the water, you could see the ridges in the sand ten feet below with your head above water. It was gorgeous, and I’ve only seen water that clear one other time (Croatia!). Anyway, it was beautiful, and I’m so glad that we ultimately decided to go in.
SnowdropSugar
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500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

March 29th, 2026 Daily:

Treason.

The word echoed in the chamber as the screen cut Panem’s flag. Clio Snow’s fingers went to the end of her braid.

The Mockingjay had worn this braid for her Hunger Games. But to associate with the Mockingjay, Katniss Everdeen, was treason, and Clio knew her grandfather would not spare her if she broke the law. He’d punish her only more harshly, for he’d say, “You should have known better.”

She’d learned how to braid her hair within the last year, as they’d been cooped up in the palace for too long with nothing much to do. Clumsy Dutch braids gave way to nimble fingers and near-perfect hairstyles, modeled after one of the country’s most beloved victors. Or most beloved before…everything, Clio supposed. Now she was an enemy of the state, confirmed by the broadcast.

Around Panem, it was a manhunt for the girl who had twice defied the Games, and Clio knew her grandfather would not be made to look the fool. Still, Katniss Everdeen, the Girl Who Was on Fire, was still just a girl.

Of course, that wasn’t the kind of thing she could say.

She pulled the hair tie from the end of her braid, and she began to unravel it, piece by piece. Even this was treason, even if it was just because the braid was pretty, even if Katniss really was only seventeen.

Clio Snow was not a traitor to her country. She was not a traitor to her family.

In another world, though, maybe she and Katniss could have been friends. The other girl, three years older and with a personality fiery enough to match the moniker, might have taught Clio a little about the forest. Both being the reserved people they were, they could have gotten along.

None of this, of course, was even within the realm of possibility in this world, because they’d both be dead within seconds of associating. There was already a reward for Katniss if found dead.

“Darling,” President Snow—Clio’s grandfather—said slowly, making it clear that she was very much so not his darling. “You look so much prettier with your hair down.”

Clio looked at her shoes. The words sounded more like a warning.

“What do you say?” her mother prompted.

I’m not a child. “Thanks,” she mumbled anyway.

In another world, maybe. Never in this one.

Heroes weren’t heroes in the eyes of her grandfather.
~
Word count: 400 words
SnowdropSugar
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500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

Critique for Zy

Hi, Zy!! So I've read your piece twice now, and here are my general thoughts on it first. I'm also probably going to read this a third time as I go into more specific things later, so if I notice another thing later that makes one of my earlier statements inaccurate, I'll probably correct it there, haha-

Anyway!

Firstly, I'm a huge fan of prose poetry/that kind of style in the first place, and yours definitely did not disappoint. I absolutely love your piece, and it's just so engagingly written and beautiful. Your language is precise yet leaves some vagueness fitting for the storyline, and the flow and rhythm of this is incredible! I love the way you pull me in really quickly with your one-word starting line and come back to your beginning in your circular ending (it's actually done so well, slkdfjlsdfs), and it's a great hook.

As for the feedback I have on things to change, I think the main thing is about clarity. You throw us right into the…I'm going to call it numb chaos because that's the thing I can think of right now, but anyway, and it's super engaging, but I also struggle to find the plot. I feel like I'm a little bit grasping at straws here, and until the reread, I didn't feel like I actually had a clue what was going on. So I walk away from reading it the first time being like, “Wow, that was an amazingly written piece,” but if someone were to ask me to describe it, I don't entirely know what to say. I think you definitely do leave more clues than I initially picked up on (and part of that is just my reading habits), but still, I think setting out a few more breadcrumbs of the plot and context for this would make it much easier to follow!

For the most part, I'm not sure how much of this is relative reality vs. metaphor within the piece, so maybe adding some grounding details could help to anchor both the time and place for this? This kind of goes hand in hand with the context and plot.

As I'm looking back on this again, I think maybe for the plot, it's not that you don't put out the seeds of it, but I think that there need to be at least a few that come earlier. You use some vague pronouns, and I assume that these are intended to add to the mystery, but they also kind of draw me out of it when I don't know who/what you're talking about and have to reread to figure out if I can find the clues.

Please let me know if you need me to explain anything; I know what I'm thinking but I'm currently struggling to properly word it on the page, so if anything needs better explanation…

Okay, now more specific things:

From the drive there, when we pulled into the parking lot of an ashy building to the drive back, when the sky threatened to open up and cry for us.
To keep the mystery, I don't think it's necessary to say where “there” is, but it also might be worth coming back to later? Either I've missed it or I just haven't noticed, but I'm not sure where “there” or what the “ashy building” is.

and it's flaming fingers reached out to the chalky abyss of a sky.
Minor thing, but this should be “its” without the apostrophe

I tried to be positive, and I really want you to know that.
To give it more power, maybe you could cut the “really” (and maybe the “and” as well and replace it with a semicolon?)

When the car drove up to her house,
Who is “her?” I think we'd care more about this thread of the narrative if we had that context!

I only know the ones in pieces, the ones wrapped in chains who carry the tales onward, to a future they can’t see.
This part could probably be clarified as well? I assume it's talking about the truth based on the previous sentence, but this seems very much so personified, so a little more clarity and distinction between what's figurative and what's real could be helpful here.

The last time I sat and talked with her, I doubted there were any at all.
Any whats? This is another place that could benefit from some clarity. Is this also referring to the truth?

Every night I go back in time and I wonder what could’ve changed, what could’ve been different but what is set in stone stays that way.
No feedback here, but I just love this line!

I am the one they chose.
Who is “they?” And what is the narrator chosen for? Some more hinting at that could be helpful as well.

But on the other hand, it can be avenged.
Okay, so I love this part a lot (particularly the third sentence), but I think this lead in doesn't quite do it justice. The “on the other hand” does slow it down a bit and take away from the main purpose, so maybe you could delete it and combine it with the last sentence from the last part?

imaging I can hear the walls themselves, dusty and forgotten, to let them rest.
Is this meant to be “imagining” or something else…? I'm a little confused by this part.

Anddd, the ending! Once again, I think it's such a powerful way to come back to the beginning with an entirely different context (victim vs. villain kind of thing, sort of, I guess?) and tone. Overall, your language and writing is beautiful, and I'm honored to have critiqued this piece <3 I wish you the best of luck in the competition!
SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

“In Pursuit of Memory” | Snowy's SWC March '26 Fanfic Entry
Project Version
Total word count: 1,956 words


***


“You’re not as good at hiding as you think you are.”

Jérôme sidled over to Liana with a bottle in hand, the corner of his mouth quirking upward. She knew better than to believe the front, especially when they were only three days from Cosette’s Gommage, but she also knew Jérôme well enough to figure further questioning would be more painful.

“I’m not hiding,” she said.

Jérôme rolled his eyes, letting her know exactly what he thought of that, but she shrugged. It wasn’t a lie. She was just…observing. From the top of the Crooked Tower, Lumière seemed so much smaller, and Liana infinitely larger than life. The best feeling was when she could forget the terror of tomorrow and remain in the present, wholly grounded.

She told herself this as her fingers trembled, as she inhaled just a little too deeply.

The number painted on the distant Monolith reminded Liana, like everyone in Lumière, of her impermanence. The annual Gommage was an erasure, as the countdown crept closer to zero with every year and those of that age or older ceased to exist.

This Gommage would be easier for Liana, though. Her parents and teachers were already gone, so who else was there to lose? Jérôme, on the other hand, was about to lose the last sibling he had left.

He sat down heavily on the edge, letting his legs dangle dangerously off the side of the tower. “Want some?” he asked, offering her the wine after taking a sip himself. His coat billowed as the breeze caught it, like a parachute for a falling, dying man.

Liana ignored him. “Get away from the edge, would you?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, but his half-baked apology was just habit, and they both realized it. Thankfully, though, he inched himself backward slightly.

She brushed her hair back as Jérôme took another swig from the bottle. “I thought you’d want to spend time with Cosette. Or something.”

He barked out a laugh, wrinkling his nose. “No, she’s spending the day with her boyfriend.”

“Tomorrow, then,” Liana suggested.

“Whatever you say.”

In the two years Cosette and Léo had been dating, it had become a running joke between the both of them to make fun of Léo. Cosette, Liana and Jérôme agreed, was much too good for him. Still, it knotted Liana’s stomach to poke fun at Léo so close to his erasure. It was like disrespecting the dead.

Dead. The thought sobered her up a little, because erasure was just a nicer way to put it. Dress it up in different clothes, but it means the same thing. Just remembering made the silence heavier.

“I see why you come here,” Jérôme finally said, the words thick.

She smiled, just a little. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” she asked, as if that was any of the appeal.

“No, I mean yeah, but—” He faltered, but she had any number of guesses as to what he meant. It’s quiet. It’s detached. It makes it feel like we matter—more than we must.

“I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

A flicker of pain crossed his face, but he let the silence fester once more before he spoke again, this time far quieter. “Liana? Are you mad?”

What was he talking about? “No. Why?”

Jérôme turned to look back at the happenings in Lumière’s square and shrugged. “We’re never going to grow up. Doesn’t it make you sick?”

He was, by this point, well and properly drunk, but the apprehension in his voice betrayed an underlying fear—one that Liana had long since trained herself out of feeling. To question the Gommage was to question reality, because really, the inevitability of the Paintress and the ephemerality of Lumière were both facts that most had long since accepted. One day, she’d be forgotten, like everyone else.

She owed him an answer, though. “A little, maybe. I don’t know, it’s not like we lost that much when we’re stuck here. What would we even do with the extra time?”

Even as she said the words, though, they seemed like excuses, like a justification for the Paintress. An end to their boredom, not a callous murder. Bile rose in her throat as she realized, yes, it did make her sick, though she couldn’t tell that to Jérôme, not right then. He was in no state to bear her fears, too.

“C’mon, you should go home, get some rest or something. I’ll walk you back.”

“It’s okay,” he said as she stood and offered a hand to him. “I’ll manage.” His grip on the bottle loosened, and it nearly fell, though he caught it just at the last moment.

“Oh, sure, you will,” she said, and if Jérôme hadn’t been quite so close to the edge, she would have rolled her eyes at the halfhearted attempt to refuse her help.

With a glare, he grudgingly accepted her outstretched palm, and Liana pulled mostly dead weight until he, too, was on his feet. Jérôme stumbled slightly on the stairs, but she offered her shoulder to help him balance, albeit at the expense of her own.

Next time, keep your wits about you,
she thought as they passed the elders—funny to think of people four years her senior that way—on the town roads. Or at least try to look a little more dignified.

They stopped outside the near-empty apartment building where Jérôme had lived for his whole life—and Liana, too, in a time before loneliness. Once her parents had Gommaged, she’d left, not wanting to live with their ghosts. People in that building kept disappearing—first the parents and other tenants, then the landlord himself, then Mathieu, Jérôme’s brother. Now there was only Jérôme and Cosette, and soon, even Cosette would be gone.

“Guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” Liana asked as he fumbled with the key in the lock.

His head bobbed up and down as he responded, “Tomorrow comes,” and hiccuped.

“Yeah. Tomorrow comes,” she echoed.

***


As late afternoon bled into evening and the sun kissed the harbor, Liana paced, pretending the extra steps might cure her dread. She passed the church, whose attendance had dwindled with the years, no ministers to preach to a population rapidly losing hope. The newspaper stands, all printing the same old news. The flower sellers trying to make enough on the transience of life to survive until their own Gommage. The expedition recruiters calling the mission a “hero’s journey” or whatever their new tagline was, just to get people to do something.

Doesn’t it make you sick?

The more she looked at it, the more she saw the truth to Jérôme’s words. The Gommage was predictable, but it was no less violent than any other death. Everyone tried to twist it into some grand vision, some great power, but for all their efforts, they never mentioned the robbery it was. It was always for those who come after and never for those we have now.

All this life left to have…and no one to live it.

The worst part was how easy it was to give up the little time they had. Every breath a goodbye, every action forgetting possibility, yet they had the chance to make their lives something. And Liana knew she was guilty of it too.

“What a waste,” she murmured to herself. Who will remember us and our unremarkable lives?

A greater person would have reckoned with death in defiance. They would have made it mean something, whatever that meant, but Liana only wanted the memories. A life seemed too great a thing to take back, but the promise of memory, however fleeting, was possible.

As her pace quickened, she passed the café that every teenager used to work at and, on a whim, opened the door. A jingling sound startled the dazed workers, and she had to laugh at the signs boasting 24-hour service when the staff had such heavy eyebags. Who were they kidding?

“Hey,” Liana said as she walked up to the cashier. “Busy time?”

“Not really,” he replied. “I don’t think we’ve filled up this place since I first started working here in year 26. Maybe not even then.”

So he was close to his own Gommage, if it wasn’t this year. “I used to come here all the time. You had the best palmiers, at least I thought so.”

“Huh. I’d forgotten about that.” A smile passed over his face as the memory hit him, too, a wisp of a life before. “Not much competition now.”

“No,” Liana agreed. “But bragging rights don’t entirely depreciate, right?”

The cashier’s laugh was light, airy, with a kind of joy she’d never have expected of someone so close to death. “True, true.”

“What’d you say your name was?” she asked, even though she knew he’d never told her.

“Georges. And yours?”

“Liana.”

Why bother with names when no one will remember us in a few years? Why care who forgets? Everyone will.

But at least, for a time, they would be remembered. She would remember them. And they, her.

When he wasn’t looking, she slipped a few coins onto the counter, a thank-you for the reminiscence, and the bells jingled once again on her way out.

***


The day of the Gommage brought bright mid-afternoon sun beating down heavily, a sign far too bright for the somber event. Liana stopped at one of the stalls offering “the best roses on Lumière!” and pulled out her pouch as she asked for a bouquet.

“Just one?”

“Just one,” Liana confirmed, handing her the money.

It was strange to see Félicité selling flowers, because Liana’s early memories of her had always been the girl in the hallways, two years older and infinitely cooler. She was so ordinary now.

Liana thanked her before pulling off to the side of the promenade in an attempt to avoid the crowds. Two years left. That was all she had.

Familiar laughter shook Liana from her thoughts, and she looked up to see a slight woman clutching a taller man’s arm. It took a second to place them after two years of distance, but when she did, she wasted no time, for there was precious little left of that.

“Cosette!” she called, pushing through the crowds to reach her.

Cosette and Léo turned, and Liana waved as Cosette searched the crowds for the voice that had called her name. They met at the statue in the center of town, and the closeness made her the girl Liana had grown up with. For a second, Cosette wasn’t the stranger she’d been for the past few years. She was the person that came over to Liana’s every other night before both their parents had passed. The sister of her best friend who had, by association, become her sister, too.

It had taken her far too long to remember that.

“Liana,” Cosette said, and she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “It’s been a while.”

If you could grow old…

Liana nodded, then glanced toward the chain of flowers around Cosette’s neck. “I’m sorry,” she told her simply, because what else was there to say? Awkwardly, she held out a flower for Cosette to add to the chain, which she accepted.

Cosette glanced back over her shoulder toward Léo. “Take care of yourself, Liana.” A pause. “And Jérôme, too.”

“I know.” As an afterthought, Liana added, “He’ll miss you. We both will.” And the two embraced one final time, a thousand pasts between them, a future discontinued, a present burned into memory.

…would you find a reason to smile?

Someday, she hoped, someone would have the memories and more. Perhaps not her. But someone. That, at least, Liana had to believe.

Notes and Credits:

This fan fiction is set in Lumière, part of the world in the video game by Sandfall Interactive Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. While the premise of the story is kept the same as the intro to the storyline (the Paintress erases people year by year) and the city of Lumière is taken directly from the game, the plot of this particular short story is original, as are the characters.

A handful of phrases are taken directly from the game, shown below:
“Tomorrow comes.”
“For those who come after.”
“If you could grow old…would you find a reason to smile?”


The rest of the writing is original, though greatly inspired by the original franchise!

I’ve also included a few subtle nods to minor things in the game. Léo’s namesake was a part of Expedition 33 (albeit as a minor character), and the place where Jérôme finds Liana, the Crooked Tower, is also the place where Lune and Sciel meet.

One sentence from the project version is omitted in the forum version due to the fact that Scratch’s filter doesn’t understand the context for a sentence and therefore flags it-

And now for the credits!

Thank you so much to…
• Ly and Starrii for critiquing this fan fiction
• Tell for suggesting the name for Mathieu (and thank you, Les Mis for the inspiration for Cosette and Mathieu as well…even if I haven’t read the book yet)
• My dad for introducing me to the game
• Everyone who has endured my numerous rambles about this game even though I probably am driving you crazy!
• Everyone involved in the making of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 (I love this game beyond all words, thank you so much)
• You for reading!

Last edited by SnowdropSugar (March 30, 2026 08:16:42)

SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

Critique for Starrii

Okay, so since I have limited time and I've also looked through this before for more of the language and stuff, I'll mostly be referring to the things you've mentioned in your author's note for my comments!

The Name
Okay, so personally, I don't think you'd have issues with plagiarism (it's more like real person fiction with inspiration from her diary, not taking the words of the diary of itself) if you did want to keep it as Anne Frank! If you feel like the person you've portrayed in the poems and her experiences are consistent with Anne Frank, then I think changing it back would be a nice nod to history with a recognizable figure and might further the point of “history repeats itself” by adding that reality. However, if you're not entirely confident about any of this, then making it your own character is a safe option! Ultimately, though, it is okay to take some liberties even with real person fiction (think Hamilton, for example), but just make sure to proofread for general consistency with Anne Frank's personality if you choose to keep it as her

Similarities Between the Years
This part, I think if you could illustrate the genocide more in the second one rather than just saying it exists would probably help with this part! Honestly, to really illustrate it, you could probably even bring in more descriptions of the horrors of war (if that's something you want to do and are comfortable doing) because it could demonstrate the escalation of wars and polarization of society, but that part is really up to you. Other than that, yes, I think it is clear!

Flow
I think it flows pretty well! There are a couple parts where reducing the repetition or parallel structure could help to create a slightly different rhythm, which might be nice, but I think it's ultimately less critical, seeing as you're on a deadline-

Titles
These look great! I think that maybe the title for the last poem (“Questions, which no one shall ever answer”) could perhaps be stronger because it's inferred to an extent, but I can't really think of an alternative for now, so if you don't come up with anything, it'll still be fine!

Message
Similar to what you intended, the message I immediately draw from this is that the world is so easily pulled into war that destroys innocent lives. That's kind of a singular part of what you're intended, though. Maybe including another part (and again, I'm aware you don't have very much time, so it makes sense if you don't have the time to do it) set in, say, the present (like you had in your first version of your collection!) that brings it all together with the “this can happen again” and maybe hints at “we're verging on it” or something like that? Maybe bringing it from the discrimination to the war to better bond the two other sections could be good, if that makes sense?

Plagiarized?
Not at all that I can think of! Honestly, as someone who's read a LOT of WWII stories, I don't think you can say that writing a story like what's already in the media (plot-wise, and at least to an extent) is plagiarism, seeing as it's an experience so many went through, unfortunately. So your piece seems well within the limits for plagiarism, and I wouldn't worry about it! If you know you didn't plagiarize, you didn't plagiarize, I think.

Rawness
I think the short, blunt sentences do a good job conveying this! Maybe if you wanted to further it, you could have some slight tone changes to convey further despair (as opposed to a kind of confusion at why the world is the way it is) or fear in some places, if that makes sense? Or like. A little more grounding in the real world, rather than just thoughts, could be a different way of approaching this! I like what you did mentioning Hanneli—so maybe something like that could work?

Most of my other critique was already mentioned in the other parts of this, but one thing that might make the second part stronger is to ground it a little more in reality. What's happening to the soldier? Can we see some of the physical manifestations of war and its consequences? That would also make the warning stronger!

Okay, that's all I've got for now! Best of luck to you, Starrii, and you've totally got this <333

Last edited by SnowdropSugar (March 30, 2026 11:29:37)

SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

Headlines Over Breakfast | Author's Note
Project Version (collection)
Forum Version (collection)

I don’t read the news anymore. It’s depressing. Sure, it’s important to know about the things happening in the world, but at the same time, we all struggle with so much despair that it seems pointless to me to stay in touch with the rest of the world if it only makes me believe there’s no way to prevent our destruction.

When I started this piece, it was really a criticism of the news networks that continually publicize dramatized accounts of what’s going on in the world, sensationalist narratives that promote this kind of despair because negative headlines pull people in more than positive ones. I’ve realized, as I’ve gotten further into the drafting and revising stages of this collection, that the news is only partially to blame. We hold onto the despair so much more than the hope, at least from my experience (and I’m very guilty of this), and we forget that there is good out there. We read so much tragedy and forget to look for the good that we become entirely desensitized, and I, personally, feel more and more like nothing I can ever do will matter.

As I wrote this collection, I also had to come to terms with the tensions I’ve created on my own as well. I criticize people for forgetting the horrible things in our history, yet I willingly block out the tragedies of the present. Is it fair for me to say that we should give attention to prior wrongdoings rather than work to correct the inevitable ones of today and tomorrow?

I’ve decided, ultimately, to leave that tension in because both can coexist. The fact that injustices in history are disremembered makes me want to scream sometimes, but I also think that we need more hope today. Not to say that we should ignore tragedy, just that we shouldn’t ignore hope, too.

Most people in this world aren’t so bad. It’s easy to believe that, but the vast majority are just trying to do the best they can with what they have and are trying to hold onto shreds of humanity and normalcy in a tumultuous time. You don’t have to agree, but it’s what I tell myself to believe in a future for this world, and if giving people a little more credit than they deserve is what it takes to get there eventually, then I’ll do it.

Most of the information mentioned in this collection is true. I’ve changed a couple of details, but the feelings, the ideas…those are all real.

(UNPLUGGED)

This one’s mostly an introduction. I wanted to set up the parallels between history and now while setting the stage for my criticism of the news and people being desensitized to tragedy and injustice. Again, when I started this collection, it was much more…satirical, I guess? Anyway, I’ve left that part in to reflect the slightly sardonic tone of the rest of this piece.

FALLOUT / What the Textbooks Don’t Tell You

I’ve been told that my writing needs to be more hopeful, much like I’m telling other people to do in my own piece. Yes, it’s ironic—very much so. But people are also incredibly contradictory. This poem is me bringing in the history I’m so passionate about and relating it to present-day news. History is devalued and unwritten while the present is monetized and dramatized.

This summer, I read a chapter of a U.S. history textbook, and when I got to the part about the nuclear arms race, I was once again shocked by how easily the Marshall Islands has been written out of U.S. history. For context, between 1946 and 1958, the U.S. tested 67 nuclear bombs on the Marshall Islands, including the largest nuclear detonation in U.S. history—Castle Bravo, with a yield 1000 times that of Hiroshima. I’d have thought that such a turning point in the country’s history might warrant at least a paragraph for two, but there was no mention of the country. The closest we came was a picture of the Hardtack Oak test with a one-sentence caption.

There’s so much human injustice there (which I won’t get into, unfortunately, because I would actually go on for thousands of words here), but it still makes me angry how easily we can forget about it.

And, of course, there’s the distinct possibility that a violation of human rights and lasting damage will occur in the future. History repeats itself because we devalue it. But I also wonder…does not devaluing it have to be dramatizing it?

Tragedy Comes Like a Held Breath in a Parking Lot, Forgotten

I see new headlines for shootings almost every day—or that’s how it feels, anyway. I remember being so confused and terrified when my soccer teammate picked up the phone that day. I remember being mostly numb the day we drove out of that parking lot.

In reading about the shooting near Barnes & Noble for the first time, I’ve realized there are some inaccuracies in my telling, which I’ve left in because they were my misconceptions at the time. It was an altercation. There was “only” one victim, who was wounded, not murdered.

Still, it felt important to reflect that my misconception of this specific event has been the reality for so many others.

Passive Nihilism

Building on the idea from the previous poem that it’s incredibly easy to neglect tragedy because it’s become routine, I wanted to demonstrate the mindset that comes from it. We’re looking for bigger headlines. Scarier things. Just so that we can feel something from it, but we forget that tragedy is tragedy, regardless of how spectacularly it may be represented.

In being surrounded by fear, I’ve become numb to most of the news and the current events. I come up with excuses as to why I can’t (and shouldn’t) do anything. I live halfway across the world. I’m sixteen. It’s inevitable, anyway.

It’s a paralyzing trap that I wish I was better at escaping, but it’s so easy to think, “Why bother? Nothing matters anyway.”

Places I’m Not Supposed to Love

I’m from California originally. My friend is from Texas. This is fine for the most part, but we occasionally debate which state is better. Lately, I’ve been faced with a lot of arguments for why my home is getting worse, why it’s wrong of me to think of it so highly. But it’s also the place that shaped me in my early years, and I have so many fond memories there. Like I said earlier, most people are just trying to hold onto some semblance of normalcy in the midst of their fear. My home let me do that, at least as a kid.

So maybe I ignore the problems a lot. Maybe I’m horrifically biased—actually, I know I am. But I can’t help but love the place all the same.

Headlines, Systematically

This was actually one of the first full poems that I wrote for this collection (I did a lot of it in random snippets and thoughts, most of which didn’t make it into the final), and it’s like the deliverance of the promise from “(UNPLUGGED)”. This is my criticism of the news, not because they report the tragedies, but because of the way they do it. And it’s also my own reaction: to push away every bit of truth I can glean from them because it’s just too painful.

I want to keep hope, so I don’t read the news. For better or for worse, I’m ignorant of today’s problems in an attempt to believe in a better future.

On the day my chemistry teacher asks us “What gives you hope?”

My chemistry teacher always begins class with an attendance question. Usually, they’re silly. Cats or dogs? Pens or pencils?

One time, though, he asked us “What gives you hope?”

In a time where cynicism is valued, when despair is like an epidemic, I struggled to come up with a truthful answer to this question. Hope isn’t something temporary, in my opinion. It’s the thing we hang onto every day, the thing that brings us to the next.

Although I still think it’s necessary to say that not everyone’s actions give me hope, I think those ordinary acts of kindness or whatever else remind me of why this place is worth fighting for. To say “people” is a response that I think is hopeful in and of itself. We have the potential to be bad. But we also have the potential to be good.

Last edited by SnowdropSugar (March 30, 2026 13:45:46)

SnowdropSugar
Scratcher
500+ posts

Snowy's Writing Thread <3

March 30th, 2026 Daily:

Aline. As ever, she is crouched over the painting, colors seeping from her eyes like the cruelest kind of tears. Renoir knew she hadn’t eaten for days, so instead, he took to leaving her food by the Canvas.

Today, he left a croque monsieur, plated and looking far from perfect. It was one of the only things Renoir knew how to cook.

Of course, Aline cared little for the aesthetics of the food and even less for the taste. It was futile, and Renoir knew it, but what else could he do?

Aline had been in the Canvas since that night three months ago, only leaving on the rare occasion to walk into Verso’s room and sleep in his bed. Renoir would lock the door to the room if he could, but it was the only thing keeping Aline tethered to the real world, and Renoir would do anything for the slightest chance to keep her there.

“Aline,” he says, his voice hoarse, “come back. Please.”

“Verso,” Aline whispers, and Renoir knows she does not hear him. She’s in too deep to realize that the world outside the Canvas moves on without her, and she is left behind.

***


Renoir throws himself into the Canvas, though he promised he would never paint again. This is not for him. This is for Aline—one last ditch, desperate effort to get her to stop painting.

Inside, the world Aline has painted is equally bleak, but only for the Expeditioners and the city of Lumière. Their family, the Dessendres, on the other hand, are immortal and preserved for ages.

The first time Renoir meets his mirror, he shudders. Because although this is a fiction, he can’t help but recognize the similarities between that painted version of himself and the person he used to be, back when he and Aline married. Was that who she wanted him to be now?

The second time Renoir meets his mirror, he resolves to be the one to kill it. Aline has made these painted versions immortal, but Renoir is a different kind of destroyer. Renoir is human, and Renoir is real.

Aline has forgotten that, but she will remember. Renoir will make sure of it.
In preparation, Renoir sharpens his sword and begins to paint. To paint again feels natural, but unlike Aline, he has control, and he knows when to stop.

Renoir paints the Nevrons to stop the Expeditioners, because, while the people of Lumière don’t know it, their deaths by Aline’s hand only bring endless chroma coming back to her. Renoir must interrupt the cycle, even if it means obliterating the few bravest of the city.

He does this for Aline. He does this for reality.

But even so, sometimes, hypocritically, he hopes to see the painted Verso, just so he can pretend that the mirror of his son is real. Just so he can stay under the illusion for a little longer. He knows better, though; to become Aline is to lose control, and it is to abandon the family.

Aline’s Expeditioners die not knowing the purpose their deaths serve; it is not a tragedy but rather a necessity. Their deaths prevent a greater one, because their lives are not real.

This is what Renoir tells himself as he walks through the Forgotten Battlefield, a place filled with corpses where their chroma has not disappeared. It is necessary.

In Monolith Year 33, two years in the real world that Aline has been in the painting, Renoir meets the Expedition again. It starts with a red-haired girl eerily similar to his youngest daughter.

Alicia, is it you? he wonders. But this girl has no memories of the time before, and she calls herself Maelle. Alicia must not get involved. Maelle must not get involved.

Renoir masquerades as an Expeditioner, and when Aline’s painted Verso joins, he thinks watching his two children laughing, not bearing the weight of the truth between them the way he does, might just kill him.

This will end. Renoir will have to end this Expedition, just like every Expedition before. Alicia must go home and be protected; she must not become Aline. And Aline herself…Aline must be banished from the Canvas and kept safe. She must move on, the way she was supposed to.
~
Word count: 711 words

Last edited by SnowdropSugar (March 30, 2026 23:30:30)

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