Discuss Scratch

Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

hiiii! i'm coco, it's a pleasure to meet you ahaha
this is my sixth or seventh session of swc?? i'm not entirely sure lmao, but i think it's around that number <3
if you read below, make sure to be prepared for absolute chaos!

( constructive criticism and feedback is appreciated, but please make sure to comment on my profile, and not on this forum ^^ )

☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

script weekly writing task: write a 150 word letter to your future self containing goals for the session, what you’re excited for, etc <3
( this is 288 words )

to: future form of the amazing person who is currently writing this and adressing it to you ( coco )
from: present form of coco
address: a place in the universe, particularly in the milky way galaxy, somewhere on the Earth, in the continent Asia

hey, future self! <3 it's been quite a while since i've seen you ( wink wink )
anyway, to move on to the point of this letter, my goals for this session are to learn about more types and styles of prose and poetry, and expand my horizons on the genres that i write, and get step-by-step out of my comfort zone
i hope, by the end of this month, that you possibly achieved to write four chapters of your new book ( hooray! motivation, where did you get it from? )
i also quite hope that you were able to focus on many activities this month, such as drawing, learning to play basketball better ( if you remember, your basketball sir wants you to join the school team )
i also hope you could possibly, just maybe, learn a few songs on the guitar, and study consistently! (which would be /quite/ a surprise, but would look quite good on your exam paper, you know, as you could also brag to everyone in your class about your top-notch grades *hair-flip* haha, i'm obviously just kidding- )
but yes, that's basically my goals for this month! i'd like to broaden my horizons, focus on more extra-curricular activities, study, write and hopefully enjoy the month at the same time

this letter has been succesfully delivered to the correct adress. for questions, talk to us at - oh no, it looks like this address has been censored! -.
if you ask, more details will not be provided.

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 4, 2024 11:38:47)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

daily : 4th march, 2024 ( 1068 words , i'm sorry if there are any errors by the way, this is made by me while i was on a chaotic call, so i did not have my full presence of mind- )

tense: present tense
tone : third person

“I hope I don't die,” is the first thing that comes to Luna's mind when she sees the dragon.

It has a long, black body with glistening, polished scales, eyes as red as a sparkling ruby, and a terrible aura over it, making Luna feel like she could fall into a state of madness and walk on the fragile line between life and death.

Beside her, hundreds lie dead in the long battle that had took place. She looks over, searching for a familiar face amongst the dead and is met with the sight of her brother, Coll.

Luna yelps, startled, and runs over to him. Tears fall down her face and land pathetically on the blood streaked ground, filled with stray bullets, broken arrows that weren't strong enough to penetrate the dragon's hide, and the bodies of the ones of the passed away.

She looks at Colt, determined, and takes a deep breath, finalizing her decision.

Luna picks up her dagger, and makes a straight line across her arm. Dark blood drips through, and she uses it to draw a claw like symbol on the sand, using more and more of the blackish red liquid that poured out of her arm each time.

“Upon this breath I take,
with hundreds laying dead,
A sacred and powerful vow I make,
to the avenge the voices of the slain.”

A golden haze shimmers around Luna as she stands up, her breath shaky and her mind filled with doubts. She pushes them away and walks persistently towards the dragon, holding her dagger readily.

The dragon looks towards her and growls, a deep, fierce rumble that vibrates for over a few seconds, resonating in all's ears. A spurt of red-hot flame comes through and makes Luna jerk, cautiously approaching the giant, tremendous creature in front of her.

She didn't need to, however. It attacks first.

Luna dives last-second and clumsily dodges a blow from the dragon's claw as it seethes with rage, breathing out large bursts of white-hot flame, scorching her clothes and burning her arm, which brings even more blood. She winces, the pain getting more bigger and unbearable by the second.

The dragon lunges at her with his talons, and she's pushed back to the end of the field, groaning. Luna tries to get up and finds out that her rib's out of place, and she's not able to breathe.

Luna is moments away from her last breath, and is about to die when she remembers the amulet hanging from her neck.
I-it was supposed to be magic? She thinks, her thoughts slugging by the second. M-maybe it could help…
She slowly reaches for the amulet and presses it, and a ghostly figure emerges from it, hovering like a spirit.

“C-colt?” She asks, her health suddenly much better.
He smirks. “I'm dead right now, technically, but you might have to deal with that. Luna, we don't have much time. Breathe deeply. It should help your ribs get back in place.”

Luna winces and breathes, and the pain grows larger by the second until it claws over her, and she's not able to function- her lungs are on fire, her blood is frozen, and her nerves refuse to work.

Suddenly, her rib pops back and she gasps in relief, not able to speak. Colt grins as he puts out his holographic hand to help her up.
“I need to go now, Lu. Remember the lessons.” He says as his figure fades, leaving her alone in the arena, with the dragon stamping towards her.

Luna cries out her brother's name, wishing her would come and help, but he's gone, and she's the only one who can save the future of Erasmil…

She gets up, determined. I have to do this, she thinks.

For Colt.

Luna slashes the dragon with her dagger, which doesn't effect the dragon. She dives under and plunges it into the back while it's still confused, staring at it's wound, and then roars with pain.

For my friends.

Luna takes out her amulet and clutches it until her knuckles turn white. She pictures a sword, made out of imperial gold, and invincible in every way.
After a few seconds, it appears in her hand, and Luna grunts in surprise. The amulet falls to the floor, it's magic nearly vanquished.
She takes it and stabs the dragons stomach, and it lets loose a sound between a roar and a howl.

For Alexa. Jandris. Nueva

Luna slashes away at the dragon, leaving cuts and wounds everywhere, deep enough for the dragon to let loose a roar everytime. It swings at her, and Luna falls on the floor, blood flowing from her forehead.
She takes her dagger out, fumbling, and she positions it correctly. Luna takes a deep breath, aims for the head, and throws the dagger.

For Commander Johnson. Master Rufus.

The dagger misses by an inch, but still makes a deep impact on the dragon and sinks into its flesh as it howls. Luna gropes around for her sword, but cannot find it. She looks towards her amulet for the last time, and pictures the weapon in mind. A poisoned arrow, along with a bow. The amulet then falls and tumbles away, it's magic truly gone.
It flies into her hand, just like the gold sword, and Luna knocks her arrow, aiming perfectly, and this time, for the heart.

For everyone who lays dead tonight, without a voice. I will avenge their deaths, and make sure they died for a reason, a justified reason.

It hits. This time, the blow is lethal, and the dragon roars for one last time, and falls on the field, dead.

Luna glances at it and smiles with relief, her fatigue and stress taking over- and she falls onto the blood-soaked ground, unconcious.

******

Luna tries to open her eyes, but they're heavy and it takes time for her to fully regain her conciousness. After a few minutes, she forcefully pulls them open and squints at the sight.

She looks around and finds herself in a throne room of a palace, with elegant chairs made of coral and a beautiful glass wall that allowed her to look at the beautiful world of the sea.

A lady approaches her, with a crown encrusted with rubies and sapphires, and a kind smile.

“Good job, dear. You saved Erasmil, your home, and our ally.”

“Welcome to Atlantis.”

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 4, 2024 14:38:22)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

daily , sixth march : get ready to stretch your imagination with this daily! today, you'll be inventing a new genre. it can be anywhere from something like a cashier memoir to sci-fi. get creative! what genre would you love to write in? then, write a story in this genre that is 250 words long. post it in the comments, and try to guess other people's made-up genres. you will receive 200 points for doing this daily and an extra 50 points for sharing proof!

639 words
genre : tragic mango-fi

the essence of true happiness

i walked across the barren lands
my feet aching and my hands sore
the hope in my heart extinguishing
bit by bit
hour by hour
doubt clouded my mind
what if it isn’t there?
i thought
soon, after walking for
minutes
days
hours
my lungs were on fire
my mind was sluggish
and my soul was defeated
dull
tired
only- only if he was here….

a nagging voice tugged at my thoughts
it’s not going to be there-
it said, clawing up my hope
its not going to be there.
or here
or anywhere
the only thing that kept me from
giving up
falling
dying
was the thought of us
sharing the delicious
enchanted
magical
fruit that i’d come for
i’d read books and manuscripts
about it
their name was unique-
mangoes.

i came across a bar
filled with foolish men
drinking like trinculo and stephano
and even the occasional case
of our grotesque caliban
however, there were some
travellors of the unknown
who seemed to be
wise beyond the unknown
i listened to them
and in return
they told me great stories
about the great joy
in particitipating in an event
called arson
the thrill of sneaking out at night
and poisoning cookies
and last, the most amazing of all-
the rare delicacy
of mango

i set up on my journey again
my pouch filled with water
and my heart filled with hope
ready
to set out and venture
for the rare fruit
of the enchanted lands
i looked upon crushed buttercups
dried dandelions
and crumbled leaves
all beautiful
and marvelous
but none so dear as the
one i wished to possess
to pass the time
i made stories
and thought about what
he would say
when i came back
triumphant
and joyful
happiness etched upon our
faces
engraved into our hearts
kept in our mind
like a vibrant memory
never fading away
the ache in your heart
growing larger
and larger

i looked for signs
as the traveler had said
birds chirping
lands becoming green
filled with trees
and hopefully-
the fruit
however
when i ventured into
the great land
i came upon an obstacle-
the gateway of marc mangosen
puzzled, i tried to
climb over it
go around it
sneak through the bars
but nothing worked
it seemed to be protected
by ancient magic

in the end
i found out the way
i had to give up
a substance
that was of utmost value
to me
with a teary face
and a sunken heart
i gave up my book
of hand-written poems
hoping that a few
well deserved men
would come upon them
in their way
i continued walking
for days
weeks
or was it just minutes?
hours?
time seemed to vanish
as i set foot into those lands
and i wandered around

my feet were sore
and my back hurt
to the extent where it felt
like it was on fire
i stopped to rest
to take a breath
and i fell into
a trance
a vision
a dream
in it, i saw breath-taking
verdance, surrounded by an
awestruck scenery
and most of all,
a great tree in the middle
the most lovely of all
it radiated knowledge
beauty
warmth
and on it’s auburn branches
as wonderful as a summer’s evening
it beared the fruit
of enchanted lands

i think- i-
heavens, i think i found it!
in front
of my visors
i spy
a large, beautiful tree
with a ravishing scenery
and the most beautiful sunset
i have ever seen
the sun dipping it’s head
to the brilliance
of fruit
that hung gracefully
from the figure that held
everything
i ran towards it
joy erupting from me
like an eager volcano
ready to face the beauty of the
new world
in the end,
after all my hardwork
all my perseverance,
i had found-
mangoes

☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

daily, 8th march: channel your inner gratitude for international women's day! pen a 200 words thank-you note to a feminine figure – historical trailblazer or personal hero. dive into what makes her amazing, add a splash of humour and spread the love! this daily is worth 200 points, and you can gain an additional 100 points for sharing proof.

an ode to the ginger haired girl

once upon a time,
on a wild green island,
lived a girl
with long ginger hair.
her name was grace

as she watched
the harsh fury of the tides
and saw the shells,
smelt salt air of the sea
she longed to sail out there

however, her father disapproved
he thought girls could not be sailors
her long hair would get tangled in the rigging
and she was not allowed to be one
and so she cut her hair and dressed in boys clothes

finally, a fragment of hope landed
her father agreed her to take her sailing
on one condition, however-
if they met a pirate ship, she would hide below deck
but when they were attacked, she leaped out the rigging

the pirates were taken by surprised
as the young girl with ginger hair
landed on the pirates’ backs
and tried her best to fight them off
her surprise attack worked, and they beat the pirates

grace was an extraordinary sailor,
she was the sea and the sea was her
and so she wanted to do something more thrilling
than just catching fish
and so when the english attacked, she became a pirate

rather than to submit to english rule,
she lived a life of power on the seas
and was so successful, soon she had her own fleet of ships
as well as several islands and castles along ireland
the english did not like that, and so they captured her sons

grace was filled with fury
and sailed to meet the queen of england
to try and save them, to the best of her abilities
to all’s surprise, they became best friends
she was returned her sons, and so grace helped them fight a war

in the end, i come here to thank the girl
with long ginger hair and a will so strong
who battled against the cruel, and fought for her dreams
and for the rights of women like her, to be at peace
i am the queen of the sea, she says.

she is the queen of the sea
she conquered her destiny
and so will you

☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

10th march, weekly: 4340 words!

part 1: mythology (1,502 wordssss! )

prompt: retelling ( take a mythological story and add a twist… )

arachne’s feet were sore and her hands were aching she came home from work.
this time, her job was to work at the hospital and daily, clean the infantry and treat minor injuries of the patients. it was long and tedious, and it almost always splattered blood upon her long, white dress.
it was a miracle that the hospital paid for the redemption of her dresses.
however, not anymore, she thought as she entered her house and was greeted by a white envelope. she knew what it was, of course.
arachne sighed and opened, it’s contents registering no surprise on her face.

dear employee, ( it said )
thank you for your hardwork and determination at the hospital. however, we realise that your talents and skills will be better put to use somewhere else, and are not particularly fit for here.


arachne had known that she would be fired after her encounter with the mysterious lady.
she had come in during the work hours, cleared her throat and had demanded to see arachne. her appearance certainly didn’t help.
she was a frightening woman with large, crude wings, bulging eyes, a wide protruding grin, and boar tusks, as well as slithering and lethal snakes for hair.

she offered no name, and no explanation, and wore a sort of contraption for her eyes that no one seemed to understand. when people dared to question it, she hissed at them.

‘arachne’ she’d said, smiling in a frightening and creepy way when she’d met the poor girl.
arachne had stood their, petrified. “h-hi . i’m- i’m arachne, as you know.”
she had wondered as to how the lady had known her name, as she had no relatives and no long-lost uncles from alaska, and therefore no one knew her by anything but ‘the grubby girl’.
the lady had given her a thread and a needle, and watched the surprise and confusion of arachne’s face, amused.

“the fates have told me of your brilliance,” she said as she waved her hand when arachne had finally gotten the courage to ask her the reason for receiving the tools. “you have not realised it yet, but a lot depends on your skills….”
she had then abruptly disappeared, and arachne could not stop thinking about the strange lady with snakes for hair and covered eyes.

“who was that?” her boss had hissed after the lady had left and there were no signs of her listening.
“you are not permitted to bring any guests of your choice, and especially not ones who look like- who look like that!”
his face was red and scarlet, his pupils wide and his features enraged.

arachne had took a step back. “i don’t know! i have no idea what she wanted to do with me either, she just-”
but he hadn’t listened and had just waved her off, red-faced and mad to the point where he wasn’t able to speak. the entire day today, he’d acted suspiciously towards arachne- with a kind, mild sweet tone with hints of sarcasm and faltering patience.

arachne sighed and threw the letter away, and massaged her forehead.
she would have to search for a new job now, and she wasn’t sure if it was possible….
suddenly, something glinted in the light and arachne hunched forward, confused.
it was the needle, right next to the thread.

arachne had an idea.

****

“one tapestry on the sunset, please!”
“another on the seas of greece!”
“and a tapestry on the beauty of aphrodite!”
different visitors and tourists swarmed her, praising her talent and watching her admiredly.
when arachne had found the tools, she’d immediately went to work- to try and discover the miracles of sewing.
after lots of tears and bleeding fingers, with the needle covered in dark red blood, she’d finally gotten through and woven miraculous tapestries, and she couldn’t believe her own work.

she looked at the enchanted hourglass and startled. arachne had been working for hours, all through the night and to the end of the afternoon.
her head was sore and her hands aching, and she went to sleep, planning to open a shop later.

the results had been miraculous, and a month later, arachne was swimming in business from merchants, traders, and even nobles.
unfortunately, her wealth and power began getting to her head, and she sincerely believed all the admiration and false love from her customers.

“your work is beautiful! better than anyone else’s in the world.” one said.
“it shines flawless and lovely in hundreds of ways!” said another.

“good work, dear.” a lady had said, hunched over arachne’s works. “do you pray to athena and praise her for her talents? it is she who makes the finest tapestries in the end, and invented this for us to learn.”

arachne had looked up at her, her vanity stretched and her greed and selfishness enlargened. she slammed down her hand on the table, thread unravelling and needles scattering.

“what do you mean?” she demanded. “everyone knows that my work is the best, and i do not care of this athena you talk of. she is not important in this world. no tapestry for you!” she’d said, angry as she waved her tapestry viciously.

the lady had looked surprised and shock. “but , dear-” she’d said, trying to convince arachne. however, arachne would have none of it and coldly dismissed the lady after various failed attempts.

rumours spread through the variety of nymphs and naraids that lived, as well as other magical greek creatures, and when athena had gotten to know of arachne’s vanity, she’d been furious.

on a fine summers day, when arachne had stopped to rest, an elderly lady approached her and eventually, got to the topic of the goddess athena.

“it is unwise to compare yourself to the greatest of the gods,” she’d said. “of course, you are an excellent weaver, but athena is the finest in the land, and it is due to her that you are able to work on it. you should plead forgiveness from athena, and she might forgive and bless you.”

however, arachne was not disheartened and showed the same behaviour that she’d had to the middle-aged lady, until it got worse and worse.
finally, arachne screeched.

“athena is no more than a lowly goddess, and i will not be told to bow down to her! my tapestries are woven from great skill and talent, even more than the weak athena that you all speak off. if she is so great, doesn’t she just appear here in person!?”

the elderly lady was furious, enraged and cold. she removed her disguise and appeared in shimmering glory, with sharp features and cleverness in her eyes that knew belonged to the knowledged and skilled goddess, athena.

“well, then.” she said. “if you do not wish to acknowledge my presence and talent, we’ll have to see it for ourselves. i, athena, goddess of wisdom and warcraft, challenge you to a weaving contest.”

*****
they began weaving right away.
after hours of blood, sweat, and tears, it was time for the judging.
the two presented their artworks.

athena’s tapestry was beautiful.
it was woven in such a way that it made all enraptured by it, and it was absolutely enrapturing.
it captured four stories, all in which mortals dared to think themselves equal as gods and the gods punished them of it, as they were the greatest and the first beings in the universe.

however, arachne’s tapestry was the opposite, and as beautiful as athena’s.
it was cunning, lovely, and outstanding in every way possible.
it captured the greed and selfishness of the gods, the way they had wrongly punished humans, how they’d misled and abused them and treated them harshly.

this drove athena into a rage, her features shimmering with darkness and fury.
she ripped arachne’s work into shreds and abused her, hit her, until arachne was filled with tears and about to hang herself, when athena finally looked at her work, took pity on her, and decided to transform her into a spider, who would be able to weave for ages.

she poured a magical potion, given by hecate- it was meant to turn her into her true form. however, instead of turning into a spider, athena was greeted with the sight of her old enemy.

she had misshapen wings, large eyes, a protruding tongue, a malicious grin, boar tusks, and most of all, poisonous snakes for hair, as well as blinding eyesight.
if she removed her contraption, all would die.

“medusa,” athena hissed. “you possessed the poor girl. i was wondering how a fine and young girl such as her turned so vain and evil.”

medusa grinned, and turned to move the device in front of her eyes.

“not anymore,” athena growled. she thrust forward her hand and medusa was burst into a tiny million pieces, until she reformed later and was slayed by perseus, but that was another story.

for now, there was peace in greece.

Part 2: hi-fi ( 470 words )
Prompt: What if: Change One Thing About a Historical Event.

bella sat down with a groan. “it’s been such a long day at work, and i’m so tired, and still my boss decides to give me more work!”

her friend, lora, looked at her weirdly. “bella, you’re a writer. you have a team, and you’re the leader of that team. you’re your own boss.”
‘i know!” bella said, kicking back and lazily flicking the remote. “i need to write an essay on adolf hitler for some part of the novel- you wouldn’t really understand.

lora was an aspiring artist, who was the producer of many great works, but she did not understand the realm of writing.
she looked at bella strangely. “is this another one of your jokes? or do you love writing about people that don’t exist and pretending like they exist in real life?” she said, amused. “you’re terrible at humour, but hey, at least it’s not that hummus-hubris joke.”

bella laughed, but shook her head. “lora, stop teasing me. i really need to start working on it.” she whined. “what all do you know about the past nazi germany?”

lora sighed. “bella. I think you’ve had a long day. there’s no one called aborn hitter, and there was no such thing such as nazi germany.”

bella sat up straight. “helloo? lora? I didn’t know you hated history that much-”
lora looked at her, amused. “search it up if you don’t believe me.”

“oh , i will.” bella said with a grin, clicked google on the tv, and searched up his name.

“there,” lora said, smiling. “see? no one called aloof hisser, and nothing such as zani germany.”

bella stood their, frozen. lora looked at her, gently. “you alright, bell?”
“I- this can’t be true.” she said. “adolf hitler. the dictator. he changed the world in so many ways, and persecuted the jews- lors, don’t you remember?”

“bell,” lora repeated firmly. “I think you need to go to bed.”
“but-”
“no objections, okay? have a good night’s sleep.”

*****

bella woke up to the sight of lora making a delicious stack of waffles, with maple syrup and blueberries on top.

“breakfast is here!” she sang as she made her way to bella.

“finally,” she said with a grin. “it’s been so long since you’ve made a meal, i’ve forgotten what a baker you are.

lora winked. “sometimes, too much of me can be bad for you. anyway, what was that yesterday? about some guy called adolf hitler? i did an internet deep dive, and i couldn’t find anything?”

bella looked at her, blankly. “adolf hitler? who’s that?”

******

the lady hissed, her body changing form from a great beast, to a serpent, and then to a board, flashing and enrapturing whoever gazed at her.
“well?” she asked.
“mission successful, my lady. no one now remembers adolf hitler.”

part 3:
Prompt: historical Figures in Modern Times (218 words)

“who is that?” was the first thing lana asked when she saw him.

he wore a royal outfit, along with a badge and an old fashioned crown on his head, and a mustache.

“he looks suspiciously like….”

“i know!” chloe said. “i don’t know how! i think the time machine glitched and out came king edward the confessor!”

lana groaned. “what did i say about the time machine? that it would backfire? and did you listen to me?”

the olden king looked weary and tired. “how art thy aware of my name?” he asked, suspicious.

lana pointed at him. “see! exactly what you said wouldn’t happen, and now look where we are!”

the king wasn’t listening, and merely pointed to the television. “what is this piece of metal that my visors capture, that has moving figurines with ounces of po’er?”

chloe glanced at the television, where ‘Iron Man’ was ongoing. “oh god,” she groaned. “this is going to take a long time to explain.”

lana grinned. “lucky for you, he isn’t going anywhere chloe. this is your call.” she folded her arms, sank on the couch, and brought out a box of popcorn.

“well?” she asked. “explain it to him!”

chloe sighed as the old king looked up at her, waiting. It was going to be a long day.




Part 4: fairy tales. ( 1016 words! )
prompt: using sparks from the past: retelling

ella sat down for a brief second, enjoying the rare peace before her stepmother would call her again.

“ELLA!” she called. “come down here and make us lunch, will you?”
she sighed.

ella’s stepmother had become increasingly cruel since the death of her father in the war, and had forced her to do an endless amount of chores and dishes while her stepsisters just idled around and went to parties.

“ELLA! come down here this instant, or….”” her stepmother warned at the top of her lungs.

ella groaned and rushed down the steps, her muddy-brown apron flapping in the wind.

“the maid has arrived!” levania said, laughing. ella scowled- her eldest stepsister seemed to have an amount of issues with ella, starting from her clothes to the heaps of her dark brown hair.

“well,” riona said. “ella, we would all like six high quality waffles with chocolate, maple syrup, and dried cranberries.” she folded her arms as ella just stood there.

“well?” she asked. “get to work!”

ella was exhausted, but she dragged her feet and went to the kitchen, wiping her forehead.

in that day only, from the morning, she’d been forced to make them breakfast, clean the dishes, feed the chickens, get milk from the cows, while all her stepsisters just laughed and watched her.

except peony.

peony was her youngest step-sister, and was the nicest. calling her kind was an exaggeration, but at least she wasn’t as bad as levania and riona.

ella’s stepsister slipped behind her and got the flour, as well as the eggs. “here,” peony said. “and if anyone asks, i was getting water for myself.”

peony quickly filled a cup and walked away to the lounge, where her step-sisters were. she saw ella staring after her and winked.

ella blinked and started to get to work- beating the eggs, mixing the flour, adding milk, adding sugar….

an hour later, the waffles were rising and all ready to eat. the three step-sisters and their mother sat down on the table as ella set out the table, laid the dishes and covered them in drizzling maple syrup.

as she sat down to eat herself, her step-mother made a high pitched noise. “ella, surely servants don’t eat with their masters?”

ella looked at her step-mother, horrorstruck. peony looked behind- she wouldn’t dare to defy her stepmother and help ella right in front of her.
“first clean the attic, ella, and then we’ll see the prospect of you having….food.”

ella looked down, angrily. tears dripped down her face, creating a small pond of water as she sat down before the dusty, rust-filled attic.

something had to change.

*****

ella’s mouth hung open as she saw the figure hovering in front of her.
the figure had small, pretty wings, a kind face, and was looked exactly like-

“mom?” ella gasped.

the figure sighed. “close enough. i’m your fairy godmother, ella. your mom’s sister from the magical realm, however, i am not your mother myself. you,” she said. “have to go to the ball tonight.

ella just stared at her. “but- i hate balls! and fancy dresses, and acting formal, and-”

her fairy godmother sighed. “i know. which is why you’re going to attend this ball- because it’s not that type…”

intrigued, ella hunched forward.

her fairy godmother glanced around, and then whispered to make sure no one was hearing.
“let me tell you a story….”

*****
ella was increasingly self-concious as she entered the palace.

she wore a light blue ball gown that floated majestically, as well as elbow-length gloves and a beautiful hairdo.

ella looked amazing, but not the kind of amazing she wanted- she hated formal and pishposh events like this, but if everything went according to plan, then it wouldn’t be one…..
she had no idea what the fairy godmother had did to her, but whatever it was- it had worked. everyone stared at ella as she walked past, her head held up and her muddy boots covered by the ball gown.

if all went according to plan….

“introducing, prince of elenair, heir to the crown of lonaska, duke of westchester, count of…” a royal soldier announced as the prince walked out and smirked.

it was time for the show to began.

*****
ella looked behind her, where dozens of bodies were laid on the ground, covered in blood or simply knocked unconcious.

her fairy godmother had been right. the prince was an evil, malicious person, who was a shape-shifter. he, in reality, was the brother of the thirteenth fairy, and had killed of the real prince and king of elenair…

beneath her enormous and ridiculous gown, ella had worn a jet-black suit, with a tool belt, and her dark boots.

her godmother had prepared her for this.

ella twirled her knife as the cursed fairy stood in front of her. “i guess it’s time for a showdown, huh?” she asked, a faint grin on her face.

he attacked first.

he lunged for her shoulder-blade as ella parried and stabbed him in his abdomen. he winced, gold dust spilling from his part.

ella felt it before she saw him do it.

blood spilled from her forehead as she saw the fake prince slam the hilt of his sword across her head. she felt faint, and she began to collapse to the ground…

she saw someone stand next to her, determindly. “peony,” she said, her words sluggish.

“remember my lessons. aim for the heart.” she said slowly as she handed tearful peony the dagger. her stepmother and her eldest stepsister lay beside her on the ground, dead.

peony wiped the tears from her face and threw the dragger at the same time ella grabbed a sword lying on the ground and slashed through the cursed fairy’s leg.

he collapsed on the floor, gold dust mixing with golden ichor as his body slowly dissolved on the spot, leaving behind no trace that he was there.

ella grinned, about to black out. after an endless amount of funerals, burials, and tears, she was going to make sure her story was a happily-ever after.
Part 5: folklore
Prompt: Write a Story With a Moral (333 words)

once upon a time, there was a leprechaun.

all the other leprechauns in his village were tremendously wealthy and had tons of riches, but not this one. this leprechaun’s parents had died on a mission, and their gold was undiscovered, and he had not an ounce of money.

and so, the leprechaun moved from town to town, from village to village, searching for a place with any sympathy for him, who were willing to lend out a hand to help him- however, all the other magical creatures, the leprechauns, pixies, and even the fairies held their heads high and looked down upon him.

after weeks of hunger and little water to drink, the leprechaun passed out in a town, unconscious. he stayed like that for days, and no one found him until the fourth day.
it was a human who found him.

the leprechaun had not gone and asked the humans for help because he knew of their vanity, their selfishness, and their greed. however, the little boy in this story was unlike his relatives, and helped the leprechaun.

he snuck food and water out of his house each afternoon and fed the little magical creature, hiding him in a small vacated cottage. he nursed the leprechaun back to health, until he finally woke up and saw the little human who had helped him.

the boy and the leprechaun stayed together for years, becoming friends and living happily. when the boy got married and his wife was introduced to the leprechaun, the two became firm friends and all three of them would talk beyond hours at night.

it was that same boy, when he grew up, who lead the magical creatures protection of rights.

it was the same boy, who with his kind wife, were elected leaders of the magical country.

it was those same people who changed the world, and who brought kindness to the magical realms and taught the humans of good.

it was those same people who changed the world.

part 6:
prompt: Oral Retelling: Show Characters Passing Down a Story (801 words)

alina sat down as the children from the orphanage crouded around her, excited and hopeful as the flames from the fireplace flickered behind them peacefully.

“tell us a story! please!” said leena, a five year old girl who had a particular fondness of the teenage girl, alina, that visited the orphan every week.

alina chuckled as she looked around. “alright, then, but what should the story be about?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

“ooh, ooh, pick me!” said regan, raising her hands. alina laughed and gestured towards her.

“why don’t you tell us a story…. about yourself” she said dramatically as everyone gasped.

alina smiled. “alright then, prepare yourself, for the adventures of alina ricardo..”

around her, all the faries, pixies and magical creatures that could hear her stopped their work and listened intently to the beautiful story that unfolded….

once upon a time, there was a girl who was shy, timid, and afraid.
she was scared of everything, and never thought to stop and ask, to question the nature of things, to ponder and think about the world’s mysteries.

one day, she met a boy.

they both often sat before the stars and admired the constellations, naming new ones and exploring the vastness of space. he helped her get more courage, more curious, and explore the world, find out things.

one day, the boy dissappeared.

she looked everywhere for him, searching their well-frequented spots, the places where he used to go, but she couldn’t find him. she located his grief-stricken family and stayed with them and helped them through their misery as they helped her.

each day, she ventured out into the unknown, and boldly asked the travellers and men that she would have been too shy to approach before she met the boy. however, they all shook their head and apologized, saying the same thing- “i have no knowledge of this person you speak off.”

until one day.

on that day, the girl had stopped at a curious looking inn for rest, and had sat down, hoping for a glass of water when she saw a philosopher.

she remembered the stories the boy had told her about them.
“they know everything,” he’d said, awestruck.

the girl approached the philosopher and asked her the same question she’d been asking for weeks.
he whistled. “that sounds like the case of the dragon,” he said.

the girl looked at him, hopeful and a tinge of excitement blooming in her heart. “do you know where he is?” she asked, happiness showing on her face.

the philosopher frowned. “i think. have you heard of regardiga?” he asked.

the girl shook her head, and was taken in by another story….

“once , there was a young prince named regardiga. he loved exploring and ventured into the deep seas of the world, and the highest mountains you could ever see.
one day, he came upon a cave, filled with riches and treasures. he was taken in, but the prince had a good heart, and wanted the gold not for himself, but the poor people of his village.
inside the cave, however, was a dragon- a big and mighty dragon, who fought of any people that came in.
the prince came in, and he realised that the treasures were the properties of the people who the dragon had slaid and killed.
they fought, and the prince momentarily won, and took half of the treasure. he went around the world, finding the people who’s families were taken by the dragon, gave them the gold, and comforted them.
the dragon eventually healed from his rest, and rumour is, he still takes souls and kills them, hunting for revenge…”

she thanked the philisopher and went on his way.

after weeks of searching, she found the boy, huddled in a cave with a dragon above him. he was bruised, broken, and shattered.

the girl felt hopeless, seeing him like that.

she went inside the cave, sneaking in, using her skills from before she met the boy- fading in, being silent, never doing anything noticable…

the boy saw her and his face lighted up, momentarily happy. she snuck beside him at night and they whispered of plans to get out of the dragon’s cave, to kill the dragon.

finally, one day, the dragon heard the girl.

she was creeping towards the boy, but she tripped over a gold ornament and was sent spinning. the dragon growled, her presence discovered.

they fought. two teenagers against a dragon.

after loss of blood, sweat, and tears, and many wounds, the dragon was defeated, and he died on the spot…

the girl’s name was alina, and the boy’s name was mal.

they lived happily ever after….


alina finished as she smiled. mal sat beside her, grinning as he spread his hands. “well? how was the story?”

conclusion : part 1: 1502 words
part 2: 470 words
part 3: 218 words
part 4: 1016 words
part 5: 333 words
part 6: 801 words
total : 4340 words!

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 9, 2024 06:02:49)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

word war! sorry if there are any grammatical errors, haha ^^



these pages still smell like smoke, and i hate it.
it's been exactly four days since the incident happened.
four days.

four days since the world almost ended, four days since everyone almost died, and four days until- that, that happened.
i remember it all clearly.
how could i not? after it, meanwhile, my friends and my sisters, and even my mom keeps on tormenting me for it hating me everyday, despising me everyday. and after all that, i just want to dig a hole and sink in it, darkness clawing me inside out and bringing out every point of self-hatred and contempt until it just eats me up entirely and wholely.

and if it helps, i'm sorry you know? i mean it, and i truly mean it. it's not a lie. i apologize for all the inconviniences i brought you, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to make you die, i didn't mean to kill my father, not with the book, not with the book-
it had all started the day when i'd seen the forest.

i was on my usual walks and i think i went to far, past the boundaries, and i saw it- and i was tempted to go inside, and while i knew i shouldn't my thoughts brought me to a point where i was wholly desperate for it, and so i just did- i was forced to walk inside, wandering around, and i hate myself for it, but i actually liked the dark forest.
it, in some ways, reminded me of myself.

that was when i saw the book.
the book that changed not my only my life, but his life, their lives, and everyone's lives.
it changed everyone's lives.
and ended a lot of lives too.

darkness is overcoming every thought of happiness now, and all i can see is anguish and sorrow, overlapping each other and bringing me to a point of madness, where i'm not sane enough to think and all i can here is the voices, the dark, the cruel voices of the shadows. i want to break away, to be peaceful, to be happy- i even tell them them im sorry, but they don't listen. they keep on tormenting me, torturing me, and being so wholly cruel it makes me want to shrivel up and die.

that's how bad it was. even the kindest of whispers were cruel, and biting into me, and i couldn't feel happy- and i hated myself so much, you know that?
i hope it makes you feel happy.

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 10, 2024 10:15:05)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

daily for 21st march! it's :sparkles: world poetryyy day! :sparkles:
it's a haiku, until the last stanza, which is a quatrain



my (illicit) feelings

- - <> - -

tears are common here,
and so are the frequent, violent fights:
but not poetry.

all the days, i dip
rumpled quills in a pot of ink,
and just- write, and write.

but if i am caught-
i will be put behind rusted bars,
and all will loathe me.

for tears are common,
and so are the grotesque, vicious fights,
but. not. poetry.

- - <> - -

they say it's a crime,
for we have no freedom of speech;
and so we submit.

we all follow them,
blindly, without any thought-
but i, i broke rules.

and i still break rules,
for i can't live without poems;
and they love me so.

my pages are old,
and dusty, and rumpled, stained-
but they're all i have

in fact, they are the
sole survivors of quills and
paper- lovely paper.

i drown in in the ink,
and write until i am sore,
in the candelight.

but i love the poems,
and the poems love me back,
calling out to me.

no one knows of my
fiery, lovely passion-
they think poems are crimes.

and so day by day,
i write and express feelings,
and hope for the best.

that one day,
everything
can-
change.


- - <> - -



Last edited by Coco_animator (March 21, 2024 10:06:29)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

edit: this won an honourable mention!!

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

to be a villain
a writing competition entry
644 words

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

have you ever known of what it is like to be a villain;
with blood-covered fingers,
lurching stabs of guilt,
and tearstained eyes.
have you ever heard of the torment we have to go through;
fear etched upon our victim’s faces,
with their swollen eyes
crying desperately
help me
help!

while we’re supposed to laugh,
smile,
and act like we’re enjoying ourselves
while in reality
we don’t.

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

have you ever heard the sound of blood;
dripping
dripping
dripping

a pool of grotesque red enlarging,
filling my eyes
while we’re forced
to relentlessly use a knife, or a dagger
while watching the pain in their eyes
enlarge until the whispers slowly come out
and turn into rambles,
which slowly turn into screams;
horrible, rasping screams,
calling us out for being antagonists
for being a miscreant
for not working for the good side of the world
help me!
i wish i could.

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

have you ever seen the horror of bones snapping;
splintering into two broken halves,
dark red covering your hands,
everywhere you go,
everywhere you tread,
the skulls staring into your soul,
my terrible, evil, vicious soul,
bringing out the weak part of me,
the part that wishes that i could be the hero,
that i would be well-known,
be a person to admire,
be loved,
you’re my idol!
five year olds might say as i walk past,
but when i wake up
i know there’s no chance of it happening

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

have you ever felt their scars on your hands;
as you’re forced to repeatedly
stab
stab
stab

while inside you’re crying,
your self contempt eating up your insides,
growing larger and larger,
punishing yourself,
thinking,
why can’t i ever be the hero?
why won’t i ever matter to someone?

as they pour their hearts out,
tell me their story
tears spilling out of their eyes,
stop!
please, please, stop!

and in the end,
i know why i will never be valued.

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

have you ever smelt the aura of powerful poison;
strong and thick, made with the blood and tears
of our dear enemies
while you pour it down their throats
and they choke and flail
trying to spit it out
while miserably, miserably failing
and as the liquid works
they scream in agony
no!
in pain
as their insides fill up with fire
their lungs stop functioning
and the fire in their eyes blows away
and you’re left holding a
cold,
lifeless body
wishing
wishing that you could just
…stop.

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

have you ever tasted the flavour of blood;
when you hesitate even for a
hour
minute
second

to kill-
to blow out the candle of life
-in a being
and your leader punishes you
cruelly
as the hope and sense in your mind shrivels up
and turns to ash,
and you keep on
stabbing
breaking
cutting
pouring
killing

extinguishing their lives,
and with it,
slowly
extinguishing your soul

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

that’s how it feels like to be a villain-
no triumphant moments
no happiness
no joy
just sadness lingering in your heart
wondering
wondering
wondering

what were their lives like before i blew it out?
did they have happy children,
waiting for them to come back?
did they have loving parents,
sincerely doing the best for their child?
did they have caring friends
laughing and smiling with them?
and the dark thoughts whisper
you will never know
but as i hear their whispers of sadness
their cries for help
they encircle around
and form a thought in my head
a cloud with a silver lining
of hope
maybe, maybe one day
i’ll look at them
tears shining through their eyes
dark red blood covering their hands
and maybe one day
i’ll finally decide
to make a change
to inspire hope
i’ll look towards them, and-
-i’ll try.

⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇

Last edited by Coco_animator (May 6, 2024 11:34:21)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

weekly, week three!

part 1 ( 304 words )

exposition: two characters are wandering out in a valley- a place that is unknown and is forbidden for them to enter. however, feeling tired of life, and all the unkind comments people make, they sneak past the magical borders of the land at midnight according to an old superstition. many have tried, but only they succeed. they meet on accident under a moonlight and began to form a friendship- one that is forbidden.

rising action: the two characters make up fantasies in which they could happily live together and laugh about it- but deep inside, they’re breaking, because they know it can never happen. their families judge them for every action, and are particularly cruel just as they are. finding out about the friendship would make the situation ten times worse, if not a hundred. one day, one of the characters goes missing. where are they??

climax: the other character desperately tries to find their accomplice, but is not successful. torn with despair, they tell the family the truth in a letter and run away to start a new life- and to find their dear friend. they meet a travellor who tells them that their friend has been captured by- pirates, who were hired by the vanished character’s clan to kill her off.
after weeks of searching, they are gagged and blindfolded and when they open their eyes, they find themself on a pirate ship- the same one in which their accomplice is in!

falling action: the two characters meet each other’s eyes and instantly, despair begans to rust and degrade. they form a plan to escape- however, last moment, they’re caught! after a particularly intense battle, they succeed, and run away to start a new life.

resolution: all is solved, and they live happily ever after. ( i just had to- couldn’t bare making another one of my pieces have a tragic ending help )

note: mc#2 is the one who is captured, mc#1 is the one who finds them.

part 2: ( 320 words )

list: made by mc#1

last seen of her: piazza hall, stall of dorayaki.

info: we went to the main town, even though our clans don’t allow it, the town is fine with us being there. it’s the one place where they don’t care about clans, which is exactly why our families forbid us.
i thought we deserved a treat. i went to get her dessert, i wanted to make her happy.
when i turned around, she was gone.

clues: left behind ::
  • her clan necklace ( attackers didn’t want her to be tracked )
    - her sash ( had a few letters scribbled on it. didn’t make much sense, and could have been scribbled when she was younger and had no particular
    relation to the incident.
    - letters: potc


suspects:
the nivoralinces ( their enemy clan, which also happens to be my clan. )
- the rivoralios? ( hostile neutrals, could have attacked heir to the throne. )
- duke of lower town ( hates and despises all clans. she was a particularly easy target. )
- ̶p̶i̶r̶a̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶(̶ ̶d̶r̶a̶m̶a̶t̶i̶c̶,̶ ̶i̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶a̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶t̶c̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶p̶i̶r̶a̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶a̶b̶b̶i̶a̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ - ̶i̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶.̶ ̶I̶’̶m̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶p̶o̶i̶n̶t̶.̶ ̶)̶
- an enemy that i never knew about.
- i’m falling apart. help.
- something magical. i don’t know. maybe we angered one of the creatures in the valley.

thoughts:
- might have a breakthrough. think potc could possibly stand for ‘piazza of the coralisis’, which is her clan. the question is: would her own clan kidnap her? or, was this actually planned by her family to stop me from seeing her?
- are they going to hurt her?
- or are they members of the clan who hate the royal family and seek for ransom, or revenge?
- WHAT IF THEY KILL HER?
- WHAT IF SHE’S ALREADY DEAD?

part 3: ( 496 words on my part; i was the witness )

{detective alia} (to a witness in the piazza): did you see any suspicious the day the girl went missing? any suspicious characters, or maybe some unnatural activity?

{ witness } (frowning) : no, not really. i mean, i was buying a few bottles of pink lemonade for my daughters because of this hot weather- i mean, look outside- it's -4 degrees celcius! too hot, i tell you. i was getting it, and- wait- i remember something! there were two men in masks who had abdruptly run into me and broken a bottle of lemonade. i was really angry, and had yelled at them for a few minutes. i had thought that they were actors for the carnival, but later when i watched it, i don't think i saw them anywhere! they must have worn the carnival masks to avoid suspicion, and somewhere in between, they must have kidnapped the girl. other than that, i haven't noticed anything, except for a few rumours that the clan of whom the girl belongs to wants a democracy, and so they tried to kill the heir to the throne. (laughs) too many tidbits of gossip going around these days, right?

{detective}: hmm…could you describe these men for me? anything you remember besides the masks? had you seen them before?


{witness} (racks brain): uh, let's see. they had masks, they were wearing a carnival suit- blue clothes, peacock feathers- the carnival attire of the enemy clan! but- wait, they both had a tattoo… two raindrops flicked together with a raven in between. that's the symbol of the clan from which the girl was. then why would they be wearing the attire of the enemy clan? …..to pin the blame on their enem- this is too confusing..

{detective} very interesting…is this carnival a regular occurrence? was there anything suspicious about the rest of the carnival?

{witness}: hmmm… the carnival is a big occassion that happens only twice a year. i suppose if anyone wanted to steal costumes from another clan, that /would/ be possible…. and for the rest of the carnival? i didn't notice that much, except now that i think about it, there was rather an abundance of people from the girl's clan. there were only one or two shows from them, when usually they produce a lot more. it was as if they were busy with something else…

{detective}: has there been any tension between the girl's clan and her? any rumors you've heard?

{witness}: well, if i do say so, i was at the parlour the other day, and my god- do they gossip! all sorts of rumours they sprang up, saying that the girl was mingling with other clans and venturing into the forbidden valley! apparently she doesn't talk much to her clan and despises them a bit, and so they hate her. she never shows up at formal occassions, balls, or anything of that sort. in fact, ( leans in and whispers ) they think that she's talking with the enemy clan! ( shivers )

{detective}: and does this clan have a history of taking violent vengeance?

{witness}: well, i don't study civics or anything of that sort, but two clans have constantly been in war- the girl's clan, and their enemy clan. however, (frowns) the girl's clan has /always/ been the first one to attack, now that i think of it! they certainly have rowdy people in it, like old janice (shudders) he won the hammer throwing competition back in the old days. that fellow's got a taste for blood, and so do his friends….

{detective}: thank you.

Part 4: (2,207 words- )

Alina gazed out the window, scrutinising the verdant scenery below. there were plants of every sort and beautious cottages and huts, or even the occasional palace. She sighed as her eyes wandered off to the other mountain.

There are two mountains in our district, her teacher had said. One belongs to us, the Nivoralinces, she’d said with a smile, which slowly faded and was replaced by a darkened look.
And the other one belongs to our rival clan, the Coralisis.
Shivers had protruded down everyone’s spines as her teacher had clicked on the presentation to reveal the royal family of the Coralisis. A surly looking King with a haughty Queen, and a daughter who seemed Alina’s age. She looked nothing like a royal- instead, she seemed gentle, kind, and had dark circles beneath her eyes.

Alina had been taught to hate the Coralisis ever since she was young, and had been warned of their malicious behaviour.

However, she pitied the royal family’s daughter secretly when they wove a beautiful tapestry of her at the New Moon festival just to tear it apart and burn it till the silk tore away and the ashes flew into the sky.

Between our two mountains, there lays a valley. Her teacher had warned.
That valley is absolutely forbidden to both clans. No one can ever go there, you understand? There are magical powers in it, and old myths that no one has remembered since ages. There are powerful boundaries. No one has been able to get in it since forever. She’d grown silent.
The only people who have tried, are now dead.

A hushed and mysterious silence had rose above the class when her teacher had clapped her hands and sent them off to lunch. They all never talked about it again- the Coralisis, or the dangers of the Forbidden Valley.

However, as Alina gazed down at the beautiful valley from her shimmering window, she couldn’t help but think of it. There was an old lullaby about it that her mother used to sing…

Two balls of thread, one long sword
the knight of arundale went past the road
And up, up the boundaries, he goes
And into the forbidden valley down below….

Alina had an idea. Two balls of thread, one long sword. The other stanzas materials were ‘a box of matchsticks, a thorn of a rose’, ‘a feather, a branch of a tree’…..

She had a plan, and she was going to use it to get into the Forbidden Valley.

One mountain across from her, in the Royal Palace of the Coralisis, a similar girl had the same idea…

******

That was how Alina had first met Floria.

Under the soft beams of moonlight, guided to each other by the simple Fate who had watched over them their entire lives.

The water had rippled softly and the birds had peacefully chirped, calming Alina’s thrill at being one of the first ones to venture out into the Valley.

Then, suddenly, they’d met- the two girls, marked together since birth. They’d slowly gotten to talk, laugh, to get to know each other….
And slowly, they’d fallen in love.

Alina still remembered the night when she’d pieced together who Floria truly was. The moment she’d seen her, she’d thought her as familiar, but only a few days later did she realise who Floria was.

“Y-you’re the royal princess of Coralisis!”

Floria had simply laughed and rolled her eyes. “Oh, so you figure out now. I was wondering how long it would take.”

They’d become so close, two ships in a large, frightening sea that had seemed peaceful until then.

But one day, a storm occurred in the sea. They’d gone to the Main Town for the third time. The town was the only place where the didn’t care for ancestry or clans, which is why their clans hated it and forbidded them from going in there. However, it was hardly the most harsh rule that Floria and Alina had broken.

Alina had wandered away for just a moment- she’d gone to a stall which made the best dorayaki she’d ever seen, and she wanted to get some desert for Floria, to make her happy.

When she returned, the only thing left on the couch was a sash with the letters P.O.T.C harshly scribbled on it.

Floria. Was. Gone.
Kidnapped.
Maybe even- dead.

******

Alina couldn’t breathe. Her lungs were struck with a desperate fire, burning, longing for justice, longing for- her-

She was lost, tangled in a whirlwind of memories.

“Maybe one day.” Floria whispered. “We could build a palace in the valley and invite all our friends and live there happily ever after.”

Alina chuckled. “And we’’’ ward out all the bad spirits and storms and stay together forever, with different foods for dinner every night.”

Floria smiled. “And we’ll stay together forever.” She repeated.

And we’ll stay together forever

A lie, was the first thing that Alina had thought as she’d whispered it, clutching Floria’s hand so hard that her knuckles whitened and her blood rushed.

They knew, in their heads. They could never be together, not with the rivalry of their clans.

Never.


Alina gasped, reaching for reality, leaning forward to grab on, but-

Floria grinned, her hair messy and her bright blue eyes shining. “This is my first time at the Piazza! Well, I mean, except for the Carnivals, obviously- but those are so boring..”

Alina laughed. “Mine too.”

Floria pointed at the door, and raised her eyebrows. “Ready for the best movie you’ve ever watched?”

Alina grinned. “You bet.”

They watched the entire movie of the Pirates of the Carribean, chucking popcorn at each other and holding hands that were promised to another.

“I loved it,” Alina said.

Floria’s eyes brightened. “Me too! Especially the part where Jack goes like……”

The memories faded away, but this time, Alina didn’t want to leave.
“No,” she sobbed. “It’s might be the only place where I can ever see her again.”
“No!”

She was wrenched forward, sweating, in her room at her cottage. Tears streamed down her face like everlasting flowing ribbons, and she buried her head in her pillow.

A thought struck Alina as she stared at her ceiling in the night, hours after the incident had happened.

She needed to get revenge.

******

Alina pointed the gun at the traveller and snarled. “Tell me where Floria is now, or my room will have your head as a new decoration.”

A short, stubby old man chuckled with glee. “Eh, Carl? Can’t say I never wanted you beheaded…”

Alina flickered her gaze towards him and redirected the gun. “Oh, another volunteer? I had no idea that many people wanted their throat slit.” She said.

The old man put up his hands and stumbled away. “She’s a feisty one, eh?” He mumbled under his breath.

“Now,” Alina said, pointing the gun back to the traveller. “Floria. Now.”
“I don’t know! I don’t know where she is, honest-”

Alina narrowed her eyes. “Then why were you talking about her?”

“We weren’t!”

Alina forced a laugh. “Oh, please. Don’t waste your breath.”

The traveller sighed. “We were just talking about the rumours. You know, about the letter.”

Alina frowned. “Letter?”

“Yes, letter. Apparently, some folk from the Nivoralince Clan sent them a letter, saying that she’d somehow seen the Princess at the Main Piazza, and the princess had shortly disappeared afterwards.”

Alina froze. She’d sent a letter to the Queen, hoping that they might make use of it and search for Floria, but if all they were doing was putting the blame on the Nivoralince Clan….

“The Queen was really angry, y'know. Yelled for five hours- according to the handmaidens- about the Nivoralinces and how they’re a plague to the world.”

Alina looked at him and sighed. Suddenly, a thought struck her. “Do you have knucklebones?”

He frowned. “The knucklebones of a dragon? To predict the future? Yes, of course, but they have a rather high price, and I’m not very good at readin-”

Alina waved her hand. “I don’t care,” she said. “I have money. Bring them out now.”

******

Alina looked at Floria. Her face was covered in grease, her hair tangled, and her clothes torn and tattered, but she was as beautiful as ever.

Alina had pieced everything together after the traveller had read the knucklebones. ‘A powerful force from the sea has captured her’, he’d said.

After a rough night of sleep, she’d realised everything.
‘P.O.T.C’ the sash had said.

Pirates of the Carribean. She’d tried to give me a hint.

After a dangerous venture across the dessert, she’d placed herself in dangerous bets and boasted of her tremendous treasury, filled to the brim with jewels; until what she had hoped finally happened. The pirates captured her.

She’d finally found Floria.

Alina had been there for days, however, and she hadn’t been able to escape. She and Floria exchanged miserable and longing hopes, but the pirates wouldn’t let them talk, and kept both of them chained.

She’d found out why Floria had been captured. The people of her clan didn’t like her, and wanted to convert her clan to democracy. She didn’t go out for formal occasions, never mingled with her crowd, and so their hatred had grown, inch by inch, until they called the pirates to kill Floria.

Her execution date was tomorrow.

The only reason they hadn’t killed her yet was that Alina had threatened them- if they killed her, she wouldn’t show them her treasure. In that case, they let her live, but only by a narrow thread.

From across the ship, Floria aggressively blinked at her. Alina frowned, and after a few moments she realised that Floria was trying to get a message across.

I don’t know morse code, Alina mouthed, and Floria sighed and facepalmed.
We are going to escape, Floria said.
Alina startled. Now?
“Pirates!” Floria called out in a fake rich voice with a thick accent, resembling one of a haughty noble. “We have a deal for you.”

Alina mentally groaned.

The captain frowned and turned towards her, his scarred face glinting in the sunlight, showing every detail of his wounds.

“What’s that, eh?” He said, his eyes piercing through her like daggers.

Floria tried her best not to roll her eyes and repeated her statement. “We have a deal for you. Me and….this fine lady over there,” She said, pointing to Alina with a wink.

I am going to KILL her later, Alina thought.

“A deal, eh?” He said, leaning closer.

“Yes,” She said, unmovingly. “Ali- I mean, this lady has two treasuries- and the second one has even more jewels. It is one’s paradise; it’s filled with all that glitters, and has mounds and mounds of treasure. However, it is in a magical land that is unmapped, and cannot be driven straight into. The only way you can find this place is to write down a certain spell. Alina knows it, and so do I.”

He stared at her, and started to laugh. One by one, all of the pirates chuckled, not believing her. “We got a scallywag over here, eh? Why don’t we just throw her off the plank?”

Floria stamped her foot. “I am telling the truth! Ask the lady over there, if you don’t believe me.”

All eyes focused on her, and Alina cleared her throat. “Yes. She’s correct. I- I have a land, and there’s a huge treasury over there- filled with more jewels than you can imagine. However, we need to write down a spell, and to do that…” She looked at Floria, who mouthed something to her.

She blinked. Dandruff? How was dandruff going to help-

A thought struck her. “….The only way to do that is to remove our dandr- I mean, handcuffs.”

They narrowed their eyes.

“I mean, if it’s true, that’s a lot of gold…” a pirate said, licking his lips greedily.

“Fine.” The Captain suddenly said. “However, I will warn you- if this is a trick, if you deceive us, we will kill you both. Painfully. Understand?”

Silence. Then-
“Yes. We understand.” Floria said, with only a small quiver of a tremor in her voice. Alina marveled at how steady it was.

“Remove their handcuffs. We’re going to get rich.”

*****

Many years later.

“And that was how you escaped?” Ellie asked, her soft, brown, innocent eyes wide.

Alina chuckled. “Yes. We pretended to write a bunch of strange words down, and then when they weren’t looking, we jumped into the sea and tried to swim. They sent their men after us, and we almost didn’t survive- but luckily, the current was with us, and we were able to get away.”

Floria smiled. “And then, we came here, to the valley. We talked to people of all clans, we formed alliances, we spread peace, and we finally abolished the clans, and now there’s tranquility all over.” She laughed.

“We built a palace….”
“…and an orphanage, and buildings, and a hospital, and a school…”
“And finally everything all settled out. We got married.”

Ellie grinned. “You need to tell me more stories from now onwards.”

Alina laughed. “I bet you we will. Did you know your mother was once a princess?”

Conclusion(!)

Part 1: 304 words
Part 2: 320 words
Part 3: 496 words
Part 4: 2207 words

Total: 3327 words!

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 27, 2024 08:17:16)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

critique for fae ( 839 words )

hey fae! your piece seems really interesting, and i love how it revolves around world war 2; you've described everything really accurately, and used an outstanding flow of imagery, similes and more! there are a few places where you described things a bit vaguely, or used incorrect grammar, so i'll be doing that first and then moving on to the general thoughts at the end!

-faerylights wrote:
A single beam of sunlight falls through the part in the curtains, kaleidoscopic colours warped through bubbled glass, scattering hues onto the floorboards.

i think you meant to say ‘parting’ instead of ‘part’, perhaps? it also abruptly changes from past simple tense to past continuous tense, so i suggest you say ‘kaleidoscopic colours warping through bubbled glass, scattering hues….’ to give it an uninterrupted flow.

Ma,
Do you remember in those rare early years before the sky shed the flames of metal capsules, and bullets drummed silver into the carcasses of ruined land?

That trip, that day – past water-laden rice paddies that tiered a staircase towards the sky, past smiling children who clung to fence gates, clutching the wood with one hand and bringing the other up into a wave.

in this, you use a question mark and end the sentence before you even ask the question, which seems a bit unclear. perhaps rephrase it to be something like; ‘Do you remember the few moments of happiness we shared in those rare….’. this is not a good example ( as it's just the first thing that came into my mind haha ) but a wording like that might make it more clear, and then you could comment on the trip in the next paragraph.

Tears strung wet constellations down her face.

this line doesn't seem really clear, and i only got it after re-reading it a few times. maybe you could say ‘tears strung wet constellations down her face, leaving behind a trail of clear skin where the others were covered with grease’- ( bad example, again ) but be a bit more clear about the point-

additionally, strung means to hang (something) so that it stretches in a long line; and while this does cover the ‘long line’ part, it doesn't cover the hanging aspect- a better word to use could be ‘streamed’, and to convert the sentence into a simile- 'tears streamed like wet constellations down her face'. however, anything is fine, and maybe it was made to be intentionally vague!

I shook the metal and from a brief rattle of the tin opening the drops fell.
i think you could add a comma after tin- ‘I shook the metal and from a brief rattle of the tin opening, the drops fell.’

Later, when sores bloomed beneath my skin, painting limbs scarlet, you found the unsealed lid. Our broken bodies couldn’t stave off infection and fell beneath its weight.
Outside, streets were sifted with ash and a thousand marching students with shovels pushed on; soot-blackened faces flashing as their boots fell over the city's shed skin.
The sun sunk below the horizon, but the yellow glow remained in the black.
Doors remain closed, no help comes for us.

in the other lines of the story, you had referred to the mother as ‘she’, and abruptly changed it to ‘you’, which is changing the entire format about who you're adressing it to, and makes it unclear. it would be best to stick to one tense for the mother; either you, or she. another thing you could do is while in a flashback, address it to ‘she’, and while it's in the present, address it as ‘you’….
apart from that, i just love this bahaha. the imagery, the choice of adjectives used over here, and the last line is perfectly put in words.

Somewhere fields go up in flames as the dark belies of planes split the sky.

perhaps add a comma after ‘somewhere’?

Will you join me here ma? Will you fly with me?
i think you should add a comma after here, and capitalize ma- ‘Will you join me here, Ma?"

other than that, i love the ending of the story! it gives an incredible aura, and the story stops with a really powerful sentence; looking back on her mother and asking the most vital thing, clinging to a piece of hope- and i love that.

overall, this piece is oustanding; the choice of words used, the powerful adjectives, similes, the incredible imagery, and how in every word there’s a tinge of sadness. it's held quite beautifully, and apart from a few tidbits here and there, it's perfect! i understand i might have not gotten a concept clearly and critiqued a part which is intended to be that way, so i apologise for any of those cases in advance. ( i also noticed while reading orignally, that in a place or two, you used ‘it’s' instead of ‘its’, so it might be better to check the piece again for any grammatical errors )
generally, i loved it. good job!

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 27, 2024 04:14:18)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

27th march, google translate daily ( HELP GUYS- LOOK AT THE CHANGEE- I'M SOBBING ) ( 706 words! )

original song : right where you left me
Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
Matches burn after the other
Pages turn and stick to each other
Wages earned and lessons learned
But I, I'm right where you left me
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, “What a sad sight”
I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on
I, I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned-up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me
You left me no, oh, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me, you left me no, oh, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever

transalated song: This is exactly where I went
Breakup of friends, marriage with friends in Angor Raipur.
Strangers are born in Angor Raipur, and strangers are buried.
Directions change and rumors fly from the new sky to Angor Raipur.
But I'm where he left me.
The match burns after the second.
The pages are glued to each other.
Salaries and lessons from Angor Raipur.
However I was right where he left me.
Help me and I'm still at the restaurant.
Still an impressive one in the corner.
Crossed legs were used in the light.
Kehen's “tragedy”
I swear I can hear drops from hairpins.
That was the moment that seemed to stop.
The glass shatters over the white cloth.
Everything went one step forward.
Yes I stayed there.
My hair was collected in Angor Raipur dust.
He hoped to find me somewhere.
But some perspective looked at the difference.
This is exactly where I went.
I didn't want to leave you, oh, you didn't abandon me.
I had no other way to stay here forever.

story 706 words!

Dear Diary,
Undear Journal

Heyyyyyyy!
Journal. I hate you-

hey, whatever you are. Journal, diary, archives- I don't really care.

Today we tried to figure out the mystery.

We gathered around the table, the silence biting into our skins. Estelle was the first one to ask the question- the question that we'd all thought about in our head, the question that we'd all silently pondered, and the question that we'd all miserably failed to answer.

“What is Angor Raipur, and why does it keep on appearing in our database?”

I gestured to Estelle, indicating that she made a good point. "Exactly! Whenever we're solving a mystery- whether it's a mere thievery or a full-fledged repetition of murderers, this name always comes up- even though it's completely unrelated to the case! we don't even know what Angor Raipur is; whether it's a place, a person, an object, or a random name!!“

Fiona sighed. ”And it seems to be coming up only and only in our database- and only when it's the five of us! It's really mysterious, and I have no idea why it's happening.“

Carlos nodded. ”Exactly! The other day, me, Fiona, and a guy from another branch were put together to solve a mystery, and we didn't get a single red alert with the letters ‘Angor Raipur’ in bold!“

Jake perked up. ”The same thing happened when I was working with Regina- nothing at all! It seems like it only happens when the five of use are together…"

I don't know what it is. This is one of the mysteries that we can't solve, I think. It's just going to haunt us forever.

Dear Diary,

We were all so ignorant. We chose not to look at that particular aspect, we never even considered it-

While we were eating lunch, Fiona suddenly shrieked and dropped her cup, glass shattering on the white cloth, sending fragile pieces everywhere. “Fiona!” Carlos exclaimed. “Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

That was our first sign.
Too bad we never saw it.

We were again, gathered around the table. Fiona was in the hospital room along with Carlos, and the three of us were alone in the room.

Suddenly, the light flickered out until darkness plunged us all. We shrieked, and I fumbled for any sign of light. I remembered that there were matchsticks in the second drawer-

Stumbling, I pulled it out.
I lit a march, but it just burnt quickly and produced no light- only a charred end of a stick. I hastily tried again, and again, but without luck.
Finally, the flame was lit.
When I looked up, and a beam of light flashed across the room, Jake was gone.

Estelle gasped and turned around, horror in her eyes. “Where's Jake? How could he have disappeared?”

I tried and looked for him, panic gripping me. “I don't know! He's just- gone-”

That was our second sign.
I should've known.

We tried frantically to open the door, but it was locked and we couldn't get out. Finally, after blood-stained knuckles and full-fledged attempts, we sank to the floor and just….read.

As I opened my book, I realised that a few of the pages were glued to each other, which was quite…strange.

I became immersed in the words in the stories for hours and hours, and until the clock struck midnight, I hadn't realised that I had fallen asleep.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. “Estelle?”
Silence.
I get up and look around the room. “Estelle? Where are you?”
Still no answer.

Panic grabs me and I try to open the door; but it's still locked. I pound against it, calling out for help.
No one answers.

That's my third sign. And I think I finally get it.
In this room, there's a gho-

Is this how you address it? Deary diary or whatever?

I finally achieved my mission. I killed all of them. Fiona suspected it first, so she had to go. Then Carlos. Then Jake. After that, Estelle.
The last girl found out only in the end, and so I killed her last.
It is me. I am Angor Raipur, a ghost. The Spirit of Forgotten Names.
And I have finally gotten my revenge.

author's note:
this actually started out as just a fun kid's story haha, with a completely innocent ending. however, as i was writing this, some unknown inspiration struck and now this is there! i actually enjoyed writing this one bahaha, it was quite fun

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 27, 2024 09:45:07)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

author's note ( yes, before you read the piece ):
this has been made for a poetry competition that we have at school, which is why i didn't use free verse sob. *cough cough* ( this is because the english teachers at my school think that free verse isn't a ‘real’ type of poetry.
secondly, we have a time limit of about 2 minutes- meaning that when we read the poem aloud, it should be around 2 minutes only. right now, it is at 1 minute and 49 seconds.
if you have any suggestions or critiques, please let me know!


The (broken) heart of a young girl

He's gone now, the girl can feel it,
Darkness and melancholy threatens to spill;
He's dead, strewn on the ground- lifeless,
Left to decay there, in wretched eternal rest.

His lips are stretched in a peculiar smile,
However, the girl's grief-stricken tears bring back no life;
For his body is limp and cold, and covered in greases,
And the girl's fragile heart breaks into pieces.

The girl crumbles into ashes with stabs of guilt,
Her lungs are on a desperate fire, straining for bliss;
The girl's breath fails her, and she gasps for air,
As the self contempt in her enlarges and claws out with flare.

The girl had known the deplorable bombs would take over,
And leave them all in a grotesque plague not shorter than forever,
However, none of her beloved family had thought it would come soon-
The heartbreaking troubles of war, their rivals' cruel boon.

The flower in the girl's hand falls to the ground,
The petals torn to pieces, her hope drowned,
The sobs and despairs overwhelm her, and she cries,
Sitting there for hours, the sky settling into a night.

The girl desperately calls for help, trying to be heard,
But her voice breaks and falters, and her throat is hoarse,
Help! she rasps, but not a soul answers her hopeful plead,
And she sits there for hours, her heart filled with grief.

His face is still bright in her mind,
Like an everlasting summer, filled with light,
His hope curls around the girl and blocks her from the skulls' cruel glare,
Similar to a warm blanket, and she clutches it; filled with despair.

That was how the girl died, shivering in the cold,
Until her lips turned blue and her hope shriveled up,
But she stayed there with the lifeless form of her brother, until they were finally reunited,
In the stars of the sky, where the planets and the fates all aligned.

☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

critiquitaire!
critique for poppy, 495 words :D

hey poppy! first of all, your piece seems really interesting; can't wait to read it!

Mama, mama
The wolves are out tonight


already a promising beginning! however, as just a side note, you might want to use a punctuation mark after the second mama; i think it would be best if it's either a full stop or a comma.

Even as I’d pull the barbs out every night when I came home, I swore to myself I’d never tear them out.

i love this! i just think it might be better if you described what you're pulling the barbs out of, so it's being described more vividly, and the readers could get a clearer picture in their mind. for example; ‘Even as I’d pulled the barbs out of my blood-stained palms, I swore….'

( blood-stained is in small as you could replace it with any other adjective you think would fit best! )

She looks at me and my distress. She sighs, the sound like water frothing out of a spring.
“Again? Truly?”
The pain in her voice is colder than a river on a rainy morning.

i just had to put this here because i love this part! the simile's are outstanding and it perfectly describes the relationship between the main character and the mother. good job, poppy!

Dearest child, the wolves are blessed
Held in the arms of their crystal goddess

love the rhyme! however, you should probably punctuate the ends of the sentence, like ‘….are blessed (comma) Held in the arms of their crystal goddess ( full-stop )’

however, it's completely fine if you don't use the first comma as you might intend it to be a case of enjabment

I pull my hands off and stride away. The ground had become hot as well, burning my feet like coals. The hardwood floor had blackened, but I knew it wouldn’t last long enough for anyone to see.
For another moment, I wonder if I’m mad.
I can feel the heat crawling in my hands. Agitated, I walk to the kitchen tap and run cool water over my fingers. After a moment, the water stops, leaving only a few drops to fall from the silver spout.
I grimace and mutter a rather nasty oath under my breath. The waters are out.
I walk outside, towards the well.
The wolves have not stopped crying.

this part is really incredible, and i love it!! it's quite beautiful and perfectly described, and the choice of words is again, amazing.

The midnight bell begins to toll
Mama, I can hear the weep of the wolves

same thing as above, perhaps you should punctuate it?

My heart is pulsing like a fire, crackling and growing. Every time my feet stamp on the ground, a spark of pain runs through my feet, to my ankle, all the way up until I can feel each step in the pounding of my heart.

nice choice of words! however, just a suggestion; i feel like the words ‘feet’ and ‘heart are a bit repetitive. perhaps you could say:

’Every time my feet stamp on the ground, a spark of pain runs through my calf, to my ankle, and all the way up until I can feel each step in the pounding in my chest.'

Papa, do the wolves cry tears like mine?
Cold, slick, and sweet, like Mama’s finest wine?

just a suggestion; but maybe you could repeat the word ‘Papa’ twice to give it the same continuous flow ( Papa, papa, do the wolves… ) that you've brought in the other paragraphs!

I look at the wolf in front. It lowers its head, bending its front paw, giving me a cool look of respect.

this is really good ahaha <3 i love the suspense building up to it! however, maybe use another word for ‘cool’; i don't know how to say it, but i feel like it doesn't capture the aura entirely. maybe another use of words could be ‘composed’, ‘controlled’, ‘calm’, or anything else!

Mama, do you fear the wolves and moon
When they say they shall come soon?

i love the ending! it brings upon a powerful sense, and ajbfjsbjfg it's just amazing <3

overall, this piece was superbly described, and the choice of words was incredible. the similes, the relationships between the characters, and the way you described everything was truly beautiful, and i loved it. the imagery was vivid and bright, and i could picture everything perfectly in my head just because of your words- it's really incredible <3 i apologise in advance if there's something that i critiqued that was meant to be that way, and i didn't quite catch on! amazing job poppy, and thank you so much for letting me critique this!! <3



Last edited by Coco_animator (March 27, 2024 15:46:32)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

weekly 4! 25-31st march
3862 words

part 1: (236 words)

plot based method:

- Flashback: Erina recounts how she met Lyra ( setting, description, introduction to powers )
- about entire journey in past two years, and how she and her gang ( The Phoenix Feathers ) were able to defeat many of The Watchers without being caught
- Leader of The Phoenix Feathers dies
- They get kidnapped by Revolina Hunters and are put in dungeons.
- Something goes wrong.
- While they try to escape, Lyra tells Erina of her past. ( or flashback occurs )
- Lyra and Erina get caught while the rest of the gang successfully breaks free. They get put in a Revolina Dungeon
- Lyra knows how to get out of a Revolina Dungeon as most of her past was spent in the place. She unlocks her handcuffs and Erina gestures for her to do the same thing to hers, but Lyra does not agree.
- Lyra tells Erina that the Revolina Dungeon is by far the most safe place for her as all throughout the city, war is breaking through. Lyra leaves Erina in the Dungeon and she feels immensely betrayed. She hates Lyra for everything that she did, and Lyra wishes she could explain everything to Erina, and misses her, but there was no time.
- Erina discovers that she has powers, and using them, she breaks out of the Revolina Dungeon.
- Erina promises to avenge the deaths of the people, and to find Lyra and help her. ( basically cliffhanger heeheee- )

part 2:
Exposition: ( um- 1680 words- )

I look out of the window and gaze out at the beautiful scenery below.

The sun dips its head down, causing a cascade of vibrant, bright colours to shower the sky. It looks as if the world is set ablaze with embellished streaks of pink, orange and red.

I shift my gaze to the verdant mountaintops that are a source of a variety of colourful and pleasant memories that I can’t let go off. Beside me, I see Lyra looking at the same place, the very same place that changed our life..

It happened two years ago. However, my story started before that- much before.

It first began when I was eight.

“Mama?” I asked, tugging at her torn, ragged skirt. “Can we go outside to play?”

She looked up, her face clouded with anxiousness and worry. As soon as she saw me, she tried to put on a bright face and smiled

“Errie!” She exclaimed, with only a slight tremor in her voice. I didn’t realise it till later, but she had dark circles under her eyes and grey streaks had started to appear in her beautiful, auburn hair.

“Not now, darling. Sometime later, perhaps? It’s spring now; all the orchard’s fruits have bloomed and the trees are fresh with vegetables. The collectors will be out soon, and so will the hunters to get the foxes and the deers. It’s not safe, perhaps later?”

I nodded and lay my head in her lap as I fell asleep to the sound of her heavy breathing.


I asked again then, when I was nine.

“Mama! Mama, there you are,” I said. “I was looking for you! Mama, can we go outside to play?”

My mother slightly winced and set aside her thread and needle. She put on a smile for me, carried me in her arms, and spun me around even though I was far too old for that.

I laughed, my voice echoing through the walls. “Mamaaa!” I say. “You still haven’t answer my question.”

I was too young to realise what the word ‘stalling’ meant.

She smiled. “We will dear, but not now. It’s summer, and I fear the sun will get so hot that you might get a heatstroke! The weather’s far too extreme for you, isn’t it? We can go later.”


However, that later never came. Again, I risked my chances and asked her when I was ten.

“Mama!” I tugged on her arm as she was cooking dinner. She looked down and smiled. I didn’t notice the weariness on her face, the wrinkles that had started to appear, or the scars on the back of her hand.

“Mama, can we please go outside to play?”

She sighed and stroked my dark hair. “Not at this time, Errie. It’s autumn, and all the leaves are falling down and the flowers becoming rotten. It’s not a good period to go out and have fun, okay? Maybe we can go sometime later.”


Empty promises were repeated. By the time I was eleven, I had learnt enough to know what would happen. However, I had to try- I was desperate for human contact, to have friends, to go outside the little cottage for once….

“Mama! Look at this drawing I made…”

The corners of my mother's mouth lifted as she bent down and looked at the piece of paper. Her smile faded as she realised what was on it. A drawing of me and her on the mountaintops, laughing and smiling.

“Honey…..”

“Mama, I know you’ve said no the other times, but can we please go out to play? It’s fine now, and I’m old enough to protect my self.”

She sighed and reached out to hug me.
“Darling, I know, and I want to too! But it’s monsoon now, and the rain can be too harsh on your delicate skin. It will cause rashes and marks, and we don’t want that to happen, Errie. We’ll go another time.”


I wasn’t naive anymore. I knew the truth; I knew that rain wouldn’t do me any harm, I knew that she was being overly protective, and I knew that I could protect myself. I stayed silent though, and I didn’t say anything, because I was secretly worried about my mother.

I clung on to a narrow drop of hope when I was twelve. I wanted to go outside and travel the world, to seek it’s adventures, and to adapt to the unknown. The smallest step to do that was just to go outside, outside of the little worn-down cottage.

“Mama? Can we please go outside this time?”

My mother had dozed off in the middle of the afternoon, which I didn’t realise. I winced at my mistake, for disturbing her, but she just called me to come to the couch.

I lay beside her and she hugged me, softly murmuring.

“I know you want to go outside, darling. But not this time, hmm? It’s winter, and the weather’s too cold for us. We’ll shiver and get too cold, and we might get frostbite, ‘kay? Maybe later, Errie. Later..”


I knew by then, that I could never go outside. I let go of the small flame of hope that had been inside my heart.

Then one day, when I was thirteen, the thing that my mother had hoped wouldn’t happen finally occurred.

The Revolina Hunters came.
I had never suspected it before, but my mother was a Revolina. She held powers of the unknown, but it was a dangerous time to do so, for the government hated people who had that advantage.

And so, they either put them in Revolina Dungeons, or killed them.

That was the reason why my mom had forbid me from going outside. To protect me, because she was a Revolina and she couldn’t bear something happening to me because of she had power. The Revolina Hunters murder everything in their way; even innocent children.

It was two years ago. The same night that changed my life, my mother’s life, and Lyra’s life.

Knock, knock.

“Mama!” I called. She rose from the small, pitious dinner-table that we had and cursed under her breath.

“Someone’s at the door. You didn’t call anyone though, did you?” I asked.

She bit her lip and looked at me. “Honey…they haven’t come for you, okay? It’s me. Hide in the closet upstairs. They won’t know you exist. Don’t worry about me.” She whispered.

The knocking on the door grew more urgent.

“Mama, no. You’re all I ever had, don’t….”

She knelt down and looked at me in the eye. “They’re dangerous people, okay? Errie, please listen to me. Hide. If you manage to escape,
when you manage to escape, go to this place.”

She palmed a piece of paper into my hand and I clutched it tightly, my knuckles turning white.

“Mama….”

“I have to go, honey. I love you.”

I ran upstairs, my lungs on fire and my heart beating loudly. I hid in the closet, crouching down and covering myself in rags. Tears furiously fell from my face and dropped on the dusty floor below.


That was the day my mother died.

Later, when I joined The Phoenix Feathers- a gang that fought against the harshness of the government and supported the Revolina- I tracked down the records of her death.

She tried to fight, and hence she got killed. A remote smile touched my lips. She even brought down two people before her death. I hadn’t known that side of my mother for long, but I knew that she would have been proud.

That day, after the Revolina Hunters were gone and I forced myself out of the damp, small closet, I met Lyra.

It was ironic, perhaps even cruel, that the first time I set foot outside the tiny cottage I’d known all my life; I didn’t want to.

I’d begged to wander out of those borders my entire life, but as I walked through the door for the first time and was greeted by the sight of the plants that I’d scrutinised for so long through the window in real life, I felt none of the thrill I thought I would experience.

Just fright.

I opened the little piece of paper that my mother had given me. It was crumpled and stained, but the handwriting was still legible. It had the word ‘mianapizza’ on it, in a loopy, cursive handwriting that I recognised as my mom’s.

Me and my mom loved playing scramble. We used to play it for hours and hours, until the sun set and the night came into focus, and the candles failed to produce enough light for us to see the letters.

It took me about five minutes to figure it out, after buying a map from the roll of money that my mother had given to me along with the paper. It seemed like a lot, since we were always poor, but then again; it was all we’d ever had, because there was nothing better to save it for.
I must have cried a lot that day, grief-stricken with the loss of the only person I’d ever known my entire life. The only thing that kept me distracted was the word scribbled on the paper.

‘Main Piazza’ I whispered out loud after rearranging the letters.

I walked for hours under the pale glow of the moon in the overwhelming night. There were no appearances of the stars that my mother had told me so much about; only swirls of smoke and the frightened calls of birds.

I finally reached the place, my feet sore and my heart thumping. As soon as I opened the door, a young girl who was sitting on a stool looked up and whistled.

She had the most gorgeous light brown hair, with bright blue eyes and light brown skin. She had a smile on her face that radiated warmth to me, and I was instantly drawn by her.

“And she finally arrives! Welcome, Erina,” She said, laughing, holding out her hand.
“Welcome to The Phoenix Feathers. I’m Lyra.”


ingredients for part three:

- foreshadowing ( the death of captain noyazalensky )
- flashback ( from lyra's childhood )
- new character introduction ( nina )
- new point of view ( lyra's flashback in her point of view, but third-person )
- plot twist ( lyra ‘betraying’ erina by leaving her in the cell; erina recieving powers unexpectedly )
part 3 (edited): 1946 wordss
The Phoenix Feathers weren’t an adequate replacement for my mother, but they are good enough to keep me happy.

By the age of fourteen, I’d learnt how to successfully steal money from an undeserving nobleman’s pocket, to snitch a pastry from a haughty, impolite baker, and to sneak into the most important of the government’s buildings.

Aside from that, they are the closest thing I’ve ever had to a full family; with hot meals every night that were filled with laughter and warmth, and a sense of security as everyone looks after another.

Beside me, Lyra waves her hand in front of my face impatiently as I gaze out of the window. Startled, I look towards her, blinking.

‘What?” I ask, throwing a pillow at her. “I was in my deep trail of thoughts, you know.”

She laughs and catches the pillow neatly. Lyra’s reflexes are far above than anything I could ever replicate, with razor-sharp moves and a keen eye.

“Erina, I literally called your name out five times before you shifted your attention towards me. Anyway, Selena called me and told us to meet her by the Marketplace.”

I frown. Selena rarely ever talks to us. She’s the most silent person I’ve ever seen, and deadly so. I once saw her slip lethal poison into the food of a man who insulted her younger sister.

Selena’s younger sister was Faith; a memorable, energetic girl who had blonde hair and blue eyes. In many ways, she was the opposite of Selena, but they shared a similar trait; when they were angry, they could kill.
However, their methods were decidedly different.

Lyra seems to share the same trail of thoughts as I do. “Selena wouldn’t call us if it wasn’t serious, which means something important has happened.”

Ten minutes later, I walk down the street to the Marketplace in casual clothes; ripped jeans, a lavender hoodie, and my hair in a messy bun.
Beside me, Lyra wears a light blue t-shirt with denim blue shorts. We walk as if we’re heading to a normal occasion, and not as if we were going to meet with a person whose words could uproot our life.

By the time we reach the Marketplace, everyone else is there, acting like a normal family going shopping. As we walk in, I see Selena’s face flash with relief, and it disappears as fast as it came on.

“You’re late,” she mutters, her dark circles glinting under the streetlights. I’ve never seen her without them, and neither have I ever seen her sleep.

Lyra raises her eyebrows towards me. “It completely wasn’t because Erina was off, wandering in her own world and tuning out her surroundings!” She says in a singsong voice.

I shove her playfully as Jove raises his hand and calls us all to attention. Almost the entire gang is here, except for one person. I frown as I count the people over again, and end up with the number twelve again. Who’s missing?

I scan the faces and the realisation punches me in the stomach. Selena looks at me, her face almost showing a hint of pity; she’s gotten to know that I’ve figured it out.

Lyra looks at me and frowns- I look like I’m at the verge of tears. She hasn’t noticed it yet, and I can’t bare to think of her reaction when she does-

Jove clears his throat and announces it- the simple statement that caused turbulence in my brain. It can’t be true, it can’t be true, it can’t be-

“Noyazalensky’s dead.”

It’s true. It hits all of us like a ginormous tide washing over tiny, powerless miniscule grains of sand. Our leader, the one person who could get us all to follow a plan, however malicious his words were-

He's dead.

Selena doesn’t leave us all to wallow in our pity. She interrupts the silence. “We’re not s-”
Lyra interrupts her. “How?”

Selena looks down as Jove winces. “That’s….also a bad part. He was killed by a Revolina hunter.”

A Revolina hunter? I knew they were powerful, but enough to kill Noyazalensky- that means we’re vulnerable, and we’re not as safe as we thought-

Selena’s eyes seem to flash with the same thought. “That means we’re not safe. We need to hid-”

“Too late,” a smooth voice says. I whip around to see Selena being roughly handcuffed and blindfolded as she thrashed and writhed under their iron hot grip.

I scream as I feel a rough hand yank my arm and belligerently force a cloth over my eyes.

All fades to black as they press a tattered rag to my nose. Smoke looms in and out of my vision as I desperately try to hold on, but the sedative takes over and I find myself losing my consciousness….

******

I feel someone shaking my arm and I slowly open my eyes, my thoughts sluggish and my actions slow.

It takes a few seconds for the blur to disappear, and when it does, I’m met with a sight that I wish I couldn’t see.

I’m in a Revolina Dungeon.
The posters say our execution is next week.

I startle and see Lyra unflinchingly glaring at the guards. Her look is filled with intense hatred and anger.

I take her hand in mine and Lyra looks away from the guard and her expression softens. “What happened?” I ask her as she shakes her head.

“You wouldn’t understand- not if I don’t show you. Are you ready?”

I begin to ask her for what we’re getting ready, but instantly I pull away from reality and appear in a bright whirlwind of clear memories.

Lyra’s memories.

“One day, maybe we’ll get out of here and explore the world.” A girl says as she smiles, her bright ginger hair falling into her grey eyes.

Beside her, Lyra sits with light brown hair and a few streaks of blonde. She grins, but neither of their gestures reach their eyes.

Neither of their gestures are true.

“Hopefully, Nina.” Lyra says, squeezing the girl’s hand. They look about the same age, and have the aura as if they’ve known each other for long.

“Hopefully.”


I jerk out of the memory and pant. The surroundings in it seemed familiar, as if I’d seen it just recently-

“Me and Nina were imprisoned in this exact same Revolina Dungeon- the one that we’re in right now, for eight years.”

I look at Lyra to see her eyes filled with tears. I’d known she was a Revolina, but that she’d been captured and held hostage for that long..

“They took her away one day. We were so naive, we didn’t think anything would happen, but one day they did- and I never saw Nina again.”

“After that, I spent two weeks just crying and sobbing in melancholy. But I knew, I knew, that wasn’t what Nina would have wanted me to do..”

“So I experimented with the handcuffs for weeks, and then one day, one day- I finally found a weakness. I escaped, and then I finally found the Phoenix Feathers-”

Lyra looked at me, her tear-streaked face filled with sadness and….regret? Shame?

“I know you’re going to hate me for this, Errie- but it’s safer here now then it is outside. I know you can’t bare being in this, but this is torture for me. I need to stop all of this, I need to go to the real battle over here. You’re not even supposed to be here, you’re not a part of the Revolina! You don’t have cursed powers, and its all because of me and Phoenix Feathers that you’re stuck here.”

“Lyra? Are you…fine? What are you saying?” I ask, confusion clouding my features.

She doesn’t answer and instead conjures up a blue flame, and then layers it with purple, and another range of colours. She whispers to herself, testing exactly the right amounts, and then presses it to the edge of her handcuff.

The flame burns through and the handcuffs are cut clean through. Lyra easily slips them off and uses the same flame on her other one.

I stare at her open-mouthed. “Lyra, that’s great! If you could just unlock my handcuffs, then we can-”

“No.” Lyra cuts in, wincing.

She interrupts me again before I can even get the chance to speak. “I have to leave you here, Errie. Don’t you understand? It’s too dangerous out there. War is brewing, and people are dying. I’ll fight out there, I’ll try to get it all solved, but you have to be the one who can make it out alive, okay? I- I’m not going to survive this, but you are. If I can do it, which I think I can- everything will be alright, and you won’t be executed, and you can find yourself a girlfriend and live together and-”

“Lyra. Stop.” I say, tears starting to flow in. I beg desperately, that she won’t go, if she could just unlock my handcuffs too. Why won’t she ever understand that she’s the only one, she will always be the only one-

“I’m sorry, Errie. I’m doing this for you, remember. I love you.” She falters, and then ksses me on the forehead before using the flame on the door and sneaking out.

I writhe and thrash, but Lyra is gone, and I can’t do anything now….

Seconds pass by and turn into minutes, which turn into hours.. The soldiers are furious when they realise Lyra’s missing, and they interrogate me harshly, but I don’t tell them anything.

There’s nothing they can do to me now. I’ve suffered all I can, and there’s nothing they can use against me for leverage.

In the dark and solitary hours of the night, tears grab me and flow through me freely, forming a pool on the floor. I sob with despair, and wonder what Lyra’s doing. I hate how she’s so noble, how she always puts other people before herself-

I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much before, not even when my mother died. It feels like most of my heart is now hollow and aching, and I can’t bear the pain- the intense, terrible pain.

It explodes through me and rays emit from my body, bathing the entire cell in a soft, warm light. Understanding flashes through me, and I feel strong, powerful, and confident.

I am Revolina, I whisper, and the thrill that goes through me is incredibly real. I shiver, goosebumps appearing on my arms.

I remember what Lyra did, and how she used the flames. It takes time, but I’m finally able to conjure the purple, then the orange, and the other colours follow by…

The handcuffs snap and fall to the floor. Power and relief washes through me, and I grin for the first time in what seems like forever.

I am Revolina.
I am free.
I will find her.

I will help Lyra.

It’s genuine this time, and not those false hopes that Lyra and her friend shared. I know it and I can feel it throughout me, that it’s going to be true and we might, we can succeed-

I will storm through the scattered fields, with broken armour and polluted skies, but nothing shall stop me.

I will not rest until I find her, a figure of immense beauty, power, confidence, and kindness.

For mama, for brave Nina, for Captain Noyazalensky, and all those who have been caught by this plague.

I will not stop until I find her, and then I will help her.

And me and Lyra shall save the world….


thank you to @1lMaM for critiquing the story!

conclusion:
part 1: 236 words
part 2: 1680 words
part 3: 1946 words
total: 3862 words!!

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 31, 2024 14:54:43)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

critiquitaire:
critique for @1lMaM

hey! this seems like a really interesting piece, and i can't wait to read it <3

She's… gone. Found a new friend without telling me. I suppose that's okay after only knowing me a few days.
A steaming sandwich is brought onto the table, complete with a skewer to hold it together. Its salty smell wafts around me as I take a bite. Heavenly. Julia's missing out- Julia. She's fine without me. Unless-

I got really confused when i read this part haha, because in the other descriptions of nick, he acts maliciously and doesn't have good intent; in fact, he steals people's powers. ultimately, he's using julia to get his own goal. however, over here, you've described it in a way which portrays that nick is a good character, and he sees julia as a friend, who he evidently misses? this doesn't seem like the nick that you've described at all, so perhaps convey him in the way that you have in the rest of the story; greedy and villanous. it doesn't make sense that nick talks about julia quite fondly, and then when he sees her next, he tries to kill her and her friend, because this part makes the readers feel sympathetic to nick and think that he's in fact, kind and lonely. ( at least, that was the impression i got, and i was very confused haha )

The flowers remind me of friendship. Not friendship that shatters the moment it’s poked, but a steel pole that never breaks

i just put this here because i absolutely love this, haha <3 it's symbolizing the flowers and giving it a true meaning ^^

A tree next to the road screams in pain. I hold one close by and ask it what’s happening. “They’re okay. Four people are getting out. One has two bracelets. The yellow one’s flickering. Two have almost-white hair, and one has bushy eyebrows and a thick red beard. Foul man, that last one.”

this part doesn't really make sense as i don't see how a tree experiencing pain is related to four people getting out of the cave, haha ^^ perhaps find a way to make it connected..

also, in the end, while talking about the bracelets- the sentences are quite short and abdrupt. maybe you could try to elongate them and join them to have that continuous flow!

other than that, this piece was quite good! i loved how you described everything vividly and put things cleary. i apologise in advance if there's something that i critiqued that was meant to be that way, and i didn't quite catch on! good job, haha!

Last edited by Coco_animator (March 31, 2024 12:19:34)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

thank you notes!

alia: i just wanted to say, thank you /so/ much for being an amazing leader, alia! your ideas for the cabin, and the main storyline were incredible, and i loved how it was goal oriented haha <3 we didn't talk quite that much this session, but thank you so much for putting aside your time /just/ to help me finish a weekly <3 you were really motivational and a fun leader to have, and i'm glad i was put in script for this session ^^

snowy: ooh snowy! you've been an outstanding, and i /mean/ outstanding co-leader, and you were really fun to be around! your writing is so emotionally beautiful haha and i literally loved /all/ of your pieces. also, i listened to couple of blü eyes songs, and i have to say, they're /really/ underrated! thank you so much for just being amazing, contributing to the entire cabin, offering to critique my about-to-be-very-long-short-story-weekly and being /such/ a good co-leader! ^^ thank you so much for making script what it is, i had an incredible session!

pepper: pepper! you were /such/ a fun person, and you interacted with us, and talked with us, and were just really nice in general haha <3 you were quite amazing and motivated us a lot, and frequently talked to us <3 also you helped me decide what to get me for my birthdayyy in art supplies heehee and you're just incredibly kind overall! your contribution to the entire cabin is immense, and woah you really hyped us all up haha thanks!!

mousey: it's mousey! woahh :0 we didn't talk much after like the first week of this session haha, but i just have to say, you're just really funny and cabin wars was really fun with you! script betraying you and then dystopian betraying us back was just very amazing heehee <3

tilly:hey tilly! thank you so much for being so hyper haha and being really motivational! i love it when i just open my inbox and i see a ‘go coco!!’ written in caps, it literally makes my day <3

literally every one in the script cabin: hey guys!! you guys made this session so fun haha and i loved the motivation that we would give each other! and it was just really fun being super hyper with you guys <3 we wrote so many words together, and we completed cabin wars without losing a single war, how cool is that :0 haha i just lovedd this session, and i had an incredible time <3 thank you so much!

everyone, and yes, i mean everyone in swc: frankly, you all were awesome <3 i loved obsessing over gurtle ( and barlog gurtle! ) with you all and just ranting about how our dailies and weeklies have too many wordss :wheeze: no, but seriously- you all were incredible, and you made this session one of the BEST i've ever had, and this is like my sixth or seventh one?? thankk you <3

and that's it! thank you so much to /all/ of you, and i had an amazing time ( not me using the words ‘amazing’, ‘awesome’ and ‘incredible’ way too much- )
byee

Last edited by Coco_animator (April 11, 2024 08:39:16)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

draft ( please ignore! )

rules:
1. never, ever interact with humans
2. always obey your family
3. never disobey the first two rules. especially the first one.


I walk on broken cobblestones, the rocks glinting in the faint moonlight that passed through the trees. I kick a pebble and it rickets against the wall, falling down the drain. I wince as it echoes and press myself against the wall, hoping it would suffice as a cover.

HERE IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
I never, ever follow the rules.
Perhaps it's the reason why I don't feel whole.
Maybe it's the reason why I feel like I can never be enough.

Silence.
My body tremors with relief as I continue walking. It's a short journey, but the patrols always make me anxious.
The noise of little wings flapping in the wind makes me alert again. I glance around, tense and rigid, ready to take out my pistol. My breath is heavy, and I can't help thinking how idiotic I was, sneaking out late at night just for her, and now I would be caught by the patrol faeries, and I-
I crouch down on the pavement, trying to calm down.

Breathe, I tell myself.
It'll be fine, you can make up an excuse-
it's not okay, father will be angry again
and he'll talk about how I'm not worthy-

Who cares about his opinions, anyway?

……
You do.
( The other half falls into silence. )

Last edited by Coco_animator (May 6, 2024 09:49:17)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

leader app critique
————-for summer

hey summer! first of all, i really loved your app; your design, dedication, humour and answers were all fabulous, and it was really amazing <3 i was immediately intrigued by the opening, and it really engaged me . now, let's get on to the critique, haha!

If I had a nickel for every time I introduced a leader app, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.

ooh the introduction :0 the famous ‘if i had a nickel for everytime….’ never gets old XD

One thing I do know about my future is that I want a career in the arts. Creativity and self-expression has always been appealing to me, and it’s manifested itself in a variety of ways as I get older. I play clarinet and piano, and I’m thinking of starting flute. I see languages as an amazing cultural art form, and I’ve studied several (though I’ve always been focused on Spanish.) For the past few years I’ve been working on my digital art, and I’ve definitely seen some improvement! Recently I started to pick up finger knitting, which has been entertaining. And of course, writing has been and always will be one of my many passions.

i love this part! talking about your creativity, your hobbies, languages, how you think of them, and how you've been improving over the years: it's built a very good foundation and starting for your leader app, and it's really good!

Experience:
snip

your experience is pretty good for the leadership part of the question: you've explained everything and given a detailed view of your journey through SWC! <3 i know that the writing experience part of the question is a bit optional- ( "Have you previously participated in SWC? If so, in what roles? In either case, what experience do you have with writing and/or leadership experiences on and off Scratch?" )- i feel that you could elaborate on your experience in writing a bit. perhaps talk about how your story placed in the writing competition this year, and if you have any other experiences related to writing ( public speaking, poetry competitions, creative writing, etc.. ) go for it, and mention it! otherwise, it's completely fine, haha ^^


Cabins:


This section of my leader app has always been a combination of exciting and challenging, but this session I’m really pleased with my cabin ideas. I hope you enjoy them!

I’ll start off by listing genre preferences (for convenience if this is being viewed as a co-leader app.) I’m open to (co)leading almost any cabin, although I’d rather not (co)lead Horror. My top preferences are Illustrated Fiction, Fairy Tales, Script, Epistolary, Fantasy and Poetry (of course ;D). I’d also be open to (co)leading more fast-paced genres, such as Myth or Adventure…

My final idea circles back to this application’s theme, and although it’s a bit wonky, hear me out. What if, during this 104-day summer vacation, campers could join a Phineas and Ferb themed cabin? Action, Adventure, or even Bizzaro-Fi (you have to admit, P&F is pretty bizzare), could work with this theme…

great ideas! they really show your innovation and creativity ^^ however, you haven't listed whether the cabins listed in this are in order of preference or not ( in both the ideas ) <3 this is /highly/ recommended haha ( and is part of the question ) so i encourage you to do so!


excerpt: snip

i love your excerpt :0 it's actually really beautiful and heart-warming, amazing job!! ( also i read it like, back in march, but i never told you that i really liked it: so here it is now! )

Time management: snip

these parts are really good! you talk about your strengths and weakness with time-management and collaboration straight-forwardly, and explain how you've been working on improving your weaknesses <3 i think the points that you've stated in this are very important, and the way you've discussed in detail about them is really nice. good job! ^^

and that's pretty much it! everything you've written over here is really good; i think you've done a very nice job with it, haha ^^ from the detailed and straight-forward answers, to the little bits of humour that are scattered here and there, to your innovative and creative ideas, and to your app theme- they all were frankly amazing, and it was really well-done <3 good job, and wishing you the best of luck!

Last edited by Coco_animator (May 6, 2024 10:26:48)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎
Coco_animator
Scratcher
100+ posts

coco's march'24 writing thread :)

hey crocs! first of all, your app was amazing: i loved the animations, the answers, the art, and the dedication that went into it. the theme was really good and i feel that you did a very nice job with it <3 i was immediately intrigued by the ideas and overall, it was a very good app. now, let's get on to the critique!

Helloooo there fellow writers! My name is Crocs (she/her) and I’m your everyday 15 year old writer from the East Coast. (Well, maybe not everyday…ever met someone who had to go to the ER because she got her finger stuck in her Grandma’s VCR player? Well, now you have! )

off to a promising beginning! it definitely brings out your personality <3 however, while you /have/ mentioned where you live, i think it would be a bit more easier to understand if you just openly stated your timezone, as it is easier to comprehend and clearer ^^ this may just be a personal issue, but as i don't live in the US, i didn't know what timezone the east coast had and therefore i googled it up <3 to save a little bit of time and make it a bit clearer, it would be better to just state your timezone!

Overall, I have had a lot of experience in writing in general and also in writing camps. After COVID I had to go back to the real world which didn’t allow me to have as much time online, but I am extremely grateful that I am getting back into Scratch!

it's good how you've talked about your experience in camps! however, while you /have/ talked about your participation in online activities on scratch, you haven't mentioned any opportunities you've taken up in real life! if you've ever been selected for a leadership position, or participated in a debate / slam poetry competition, or won an award for creative writing, or basically anything to do with leadership positions and writing- mention it! if not, it's completely fine <3

While I have no specific preference for a cabin, a fantasy genre or sub-genre would be something I would love leading and creating backstories for! (Fantasy, Hi-Fi, Sc-Fi, etc.)

nice ideas! however, for the cabins listed above, please mention if they are listed in order of preference or not, as this is part of the question <33

6) Being honest, time management has always been a problem for me. I either finish things too fast if I enjoy doing them, or put off boring things until the last minute where I complete them quickly to “just get it done with”. It’s hard to find a perfect middle where I complete things exactly on time with the best quality. SWC has always given me opportunities to work on my time management. I really enjoy writing and I believe that the competitive aspect of the camp makes me want to do my best work possible, while also getting it done in a timely matter.

i feel like you could elaborate more about your strengths with time management. if there are any real-life instances where you've discovered your talents with time management, then mention it! if not, i feel it would be better to just add what exactly you're good at in time management and how you manage to pull it off- whether you make to-do lists, or timetables, or seperate the tasks into smaller ones. overall, just try and elaborate on your strengths in this part, because i think it's a bit vague <3

Another set of skills I posses is my team work ethic and positive relationships. I love to connect with others and create things together. My favorite part of the last session was our collaborative story that my cabin created together. Being able to see what I have helped create, along with help with others, was something that definitely highlighted my camp experience. Leading a cabin or team would come very easy to me and I feel that I could excel in that aspect. With my bonding attitude, but also sense of leadership, I believe as a leader that I could bring new ideas and work to a cabin. I also have a lot of experience being a leader, as I am President and team captain in a lot of my clubs and sports.

good talk about your strenghts! however, you haven't mentioned your weaknesses- what are your short-comings in working as a team? try and write at least a few sentences about your weaknesses, as it is an essential part of your answer, haha <3

In an issue where a leader becomes inactive, my plan is to have all the cabin set up and plans done much before camp starts. In this way, if someone goes inactive, everything will already be completed. The only small issue in this is that other leaders will have to pick up some extra responsibilities, but that is expected when someone goes active.

the first sentence ( that i've highlighted in bold ) doesn't really make grammatical sense <3 try and work on that! furthermore, in the last phrase ( that i've also highlighted in bold ) make sure to type in the extra ‘in’ before ‘active’!
additionally, while you've talked about what will happen if another (co)leader goes inactive, you haven't talked about what will happen if /you/ go inactive <3 what are your plans? what initiatives will you take, and do you plan on finishing as much as you can? how?

and with that, we come to the end of the critique! your app was essentially amazing, and i loved the ideas and the theme that evolved around it <3 however, just make sure to look after a few grammatical errors here and there, pay attention to the questions a bit more and explain your answers in detail <3 good job, and good luck!

Last edited by Coco_animator (May 10, 2024 14:24:28)


☁︎。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。
once upon a time
the planets and
the fates and all
the stars aligned
。゚⋆ ゚☾ ゚。⋆ ☾⋆。 ☾⋆。☁︎

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