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CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

hey guys!!! i'm clev. i like writing!! this will be where i'll be posting everything i write this month, and i hope you enjoy you are so welcome to read anything (it'd be so awesome if you told me your thoughts!), and i don't really know what to write here. hopefully i'll be organized this time xD

see you around!!!

Last edited by CleverComment (March 1, 2024 00:35:43)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

daily list march 2024

March 1
Welcome, leaders, campers, fairies, and trolls, to the March ‘24 session of SWC! We hope you're as excited as we are for the exciting month ahead of us. To start us off, introduce yourself to your fellow writers and jot down your goals for this session. Who's your favorite author? How long have you done SWC? Give encouraging messages and compliment each other's intros - some of this might just come into play in tomorrow's daily. Have fun, and happy writing! <3

March 2
Hello, swc-ers, and welcome to our second daily of camp! Yesterday was world compliment day, and we all exchanged compliments on our introductions. Today, we'll use them in our writing! Take someone else's compliment and integrate it as a focal point of your story. How does the main character react to these compliments? How does it affect other people? Complete this daily with a minimum of 250 words for a scrumptious 300 points for your cabin, plus a bonus 100 points for providing proof!

March 3

Hello, patriots! Today is national anthem day, so you’ll be writing national anthems! Write an anthem for your cabin and 1-3 other cabins for a maximun of four anthems - 100 points per anthem in at least 100 words each. Be sure to think about the cabin’s values, history, and ethics. If you need some inspiration, head on over to this link https://nationalanthems.info/ to find a list of national anthems for you to draw from. Happy writing, adventurers!

March 4
For today's daily we'll be breathing in the air of spontaneity! Start by grabbing a die and rolling it - if you get 1 or 2, write in present tense, 3 or 4, write in past tense, and 5 or 6 write in future tense. Now roll it again! If you get 1 or 2, write in 1st person POV, 3 or 4, write in 2nd person POV, and if you get 5 or 6 write in 3rd person omniscient POV. Using this tense and POV, write 300 words of a story to earn 250 points, and an additional 100 points can be earned for sharing proof!

Also, starting today, signups for cabin war mercenaries are open! If you'd like to play a role this session, you can go check it out here: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/975795461/

March 5
Hey there! Today, word wars begin—ready for the adventure? Hop on over to this project (OH NO GURTLE ATE THE LINK) to begin clashing swords! Additionally, here's a mini-activity: read one chapter of a book, then write a continuation of it—perhaps Percy refuses to go to Camp Half-Blood, or Elphaba and Galinda defy gravity together! Write 200 words for 100 points, and an extra 50 for sharing proof <3

March 6
Get ready to stretch your imagination with this daily! Today, you'll be inventing a new genre. It can be anywhere from something like a Cashier Memoir to Sci-Fi. Get creative! What genre would you love to write in? Then, write a story in this genre that is 250 words long. Post it in the comments, and try to guess other people's made-up genres. You will receive 200 points for doing this daily and an extra 50 points for sharing proof!

Applications for being a writing comp panelist open today! https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/976400017/

March 7

We hope you're ready to have fun and create magic with your peers, because it's time again for three word stories! Comment three words to start a story, and reply to others' stories with three words to keep them going (until, of course, you hit the dreaded studio reply limit ;D)! Have fun, and remember that every three words you write count towards your word count goal! <33

March 8
Channel your inner gratitude for international women's day! Pen a 200 words thank-you note to a feminine figure – historical trailblazer or personal hero. dive into what makes her amazing, add a splash of humour and spread the love! This daily is worth 200 points, and you can gain an additional 100 points for sharing proof.
Reminder: It's cabin wars tomorrow! Hope to see you there <3

Additionally, the memory book cover contest is open: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/978096726/

March 9
Get your longbows and staffs at the ready, wizards - it's Cabin Wars! Journey over here https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/695082/?page=2#post-7849808 for rules, valid wars, challenges, etc. And here, at the Warrior's Wharf https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/979423626 you'll find the mercenaries hanging out by the sea, should you need them Deep breaths, get some rest, and prepare for the adventure of a lifetime <3

March 10
Have you recently finished a piece of writing? Well then you're in luck - it's Critiquitaire time! Although the spelling tends to mess most of us up from time to time, the Critiquitaire is pretty similar to our well-known SWC tradition, Word Wars! It's a place for you to receive feedback on your writing, whether that be for a novel, daily, or weekly - the piece of writing you decide to submit it up to you! Head on over here (… NOT AGAIN, GURTLE?) for more info. Let the fun begin!

March 11
Today is the first day of Ramadan, a month of fasting, introspection, and charity that is considered the most important part of the year for millions of Muslims worldwide. Do some introspection yourself - what are things you are happy with? What are things, both in the world and about yourself, that you'd like to see changed? Make a list, pick one or two things, and create a 200 word story out of it for 400 points. An additional 100 points will be given for sharing!

Last edited by CleverComment (March 11, 2024 01:20:39)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

daily 3/1 - 108 words!
hi! i'm clev or clever. i'm a procrastinator, but i'm not procrastinating on this daily, so yippee!!! i've been doing since 2020; this will be my seventh session! i'm so excited for this session. for this session, i'm trying to stay organized, actually write thank-you notes (pleaseee), and enter in the writing comp!! i actually don't have a favourite author, but if i had to choose, i would pick rick riordan because i love percy jackson. i've also been experimenting with poetry recently! but i've barely written anything in 2024 but i'm sure i will this month anyways happy leap day!!! and can't wait to meet you ) YAY!!!


“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

daily 3/2 (272 words)

i stare out into the vast canvas of blue. paint flecks the surface of what seems to be something surreal.

i wake up.

the sun is shining, and the bad thing is that it’s six in the morning.

I get up. it’s a perfect start to a not-so-perfect day.

I brush my teeth. It’s a normal start to a normal day.

The bus leaves me behind, so I decide to bike today. (it’s good for the environment.)

I decide to take the long route today. Who cares if I miss school? Nobody.

I bike by the park. Mama duck is doing great. I don’t know where the chipmunks are though.

It’s too early for hibernation, right?


I bike past the lake. The sun is up unusually early today, and I’m not sure what i am even doing. I think i’ll skip for today and relax. (nobody cares, anyway).

I find my usual spot near the tree (it’s starting to yellow).

And I don’t know what to do anymore.

I open my backpack - there should be something in there that I can do for now.

There’s nothing, but a blank notebook and the homework that I never got around to finishing.

I take out my notebook. And start writing whatever. Before I realize, I’m done.

“the air seems cold.

falling,

the world is changing.


the trees are orange.

the sky is upside-down.

and yet,
it’s okay.”

it’s poetry, and it’s beautiful.

“woah, poetry?”

i look up. someone is staring at me.

i nod.

“that’s super epic, i could never.”

i smile.

maybe this day was worth spending after all.

(it’s going to be ok).

Last edited by CleverComment (March 10, 2024 16:50:32)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

daily 3/4 (306 words)
present tense / second person

You are not okay.

Your sleep is catching up to you. You need to rest. You need to relax.

(That's what they all say).

~

Your third birthday - you watch as your parents blow out your candles. Everyone cheers. It's all good. The newborn is going to have a great life.

Your thirteenth birthday - you complain as your parents walk in the dark room, fiery candles illuminating their journey to the dining table. You’re too old for birthdays, you say. (Inside, you’re jumping for joy).

Your thirtieth birthday - you spend the day sleeping on your couch. You spend the day scrolling on your phone. It’s your birthday! You deserve the rest.


There is no cake on your thirtieth birthday.


Your parents call you on the phone, you laugh, you smile, and you hang up after three minutes.

(You haven’t seen them in a year.)


Your three hundredth birthday is no different from the rest.

Your parents are gone. Your sister is gone. Your love is gone.


You are alone on your three hundredth birthday.

Three hundred lonely, lonely birthdays.

You watch as the sun rises on your three hundredth birthday.

You decide that nothing is everything, and that everything is nothing.

You decide to walk to the tree that grows on your parent’s graves. And you cry.

You are so sad that you wasted your life. You are so sad that you never appreciated your life.

You are not okay.

And with your tears, you notice that a flower grew on your parent’s grave.

And you start crying for years.

On your three-thousandth birthday, you are a tree.

You watch as the sun goes down.

You are at peace.

(Everything is better when you are a tree).

You watch as the world goes dark.

There is no cake on your last birthday.

(But you are not alone).


“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

word war with Blau! 245 words (warning: very bad)

I walked into my room through the door but when i opened my eyes, i was in a different planet. I looked around me, and I saw streaks of red on the ground. I think that I am on mars, but when I look back to the living room that i just exited, i see blue. What is happening to me? The door that i just entered is just a regular door that I use every single day of my life. Why is it all of a sudden changijng planets? I see the red and blue planet around me, and I see that the door is still behind me. What if I try walking back? I walk back to the door and pass through it, and I walk into the principal’s office.

“Hey! What are you doing here? How did you even get in here! I have two security guards outside the door everyday, and how come you managed to get past them?” The principal shouts. I open my eyes in fear, and try running back, but the door is gone.

“What is happening to me?” I ask to the sky. The principal looks at me like I am a crazy person, and he might be right. Then suddenly, the world tilts, and I am back in my bedroom. Everything is normal. The door is right where it usually is. My bed is very messy, like it usually is. Evvertyhigng is okay. I am safe.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 9, 2024 19:41:12)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

word war with Sandy! 221 words

The sun rose up when I was just falling asleep. You know, I had a very long day at work, so I deserved the rest. But instead, I spent all night drinking coffee, because unfortunately, I have a tea allergy. So I drank coffee to get all my work done, but instead of doing that, the opposite happened. I started jimping around and dancing and singing and not doing my work, and the episode ended just before dawn. So I did what a normal person would do: I went to bed two minutes before my alarm was supposed to ring. And I actually ended up sleeping for 12 seconds, so that is a new record for me.

I was so tired and was beginning to regret the amount of coffee that I had drank, but it was Friday. I just need to make it past one more day, and then I can sleep in the whole weekend. I told myself, and I eventually drag myself out of bed and go brush my teeth.

At work, my boss says that my eyes look really dark. She says that I don’t like coffee, because otherwise why would I be so tired? Secretly, I laugh inside. I have no idea what is happening anyways. I go to sleep and I get fired. Good night.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 9, 2024 19:39:29)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

SWC's New Genres (yes I will be stalking every single daily today)
WWI Furries
Tea Mode
Nightmare
Song-fi
Dream-fi
Greentext Story
Dream-Fantasy
Musical Quotes
Business Rival Romance
Somnolent Surrealism
Goth-fi
Listerature
Romancian Sci-Fi
Warrior Cats
Script (sort-of)
Tragic Mango-fi
Weirdcore/Dreamcore
Borderbreak
Perspective of an Object
Oh My Gooseness
Dystopian-Dragon Fantasy
Cozy-fi
Dimension Dancing
Snow-fi
Cookbook Apocalypse Journal
Haze-fi
Doomed Love
Privateer-fi
Unfinished Exciting Modern Mango Legends
Pseudo-fi
Cloudy with a Chance of Biased Love
Post-Fantasy
Astro-tech Fiction
Fate-fi/Luck-fi
Ghost Luring
Space Zombies (Zom-Sci)
Definition-fi
Object-fi
Mytho-Dystopian (Mytho-Dysto)
Ghost Fantasy
Codetry
Sci-Spy
Laundry-fi
School Zombie Apocalypse
Granny Mystery
Linguistic Epistolary
Ethereal-fi
Supernatural Detective Fiction
Underwater Sci-fi
Space Dimensional Star Fiction
Epistolary-Poetry-Utopian (Poetic Epistopia)
Historical-Magical Cat Realism
Medieval Dystopian
Stray-fi
Food-fi
Avant-garde Writing
Planet-fi
Carvings in a Wall
Western Fairy-fi
Epistolary-Magic Realism
Primeval Mythology
Sandpunk
Fracti

*If anyone doesn't see their genre in here, let me know, and I'll add it for you! And if you don't want your genre here, just let me know and I've remove it for you as well! :D And if you want to change the name of your genre, I'll do that as well!
**I've also merged some similar-sounding genres together, for example: Dream-Fiction and Dream/Spiritual becomes Dream-Fi, and I've changed the wording of sme genres and/or shortened some of them!
***If I wasn't sure of the genre and if nobody replied, I took it out of the list.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 11, 2024 22:15:49)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

3/6 genre daily (my favourite daily ever) 284 words

The dark room is … well, dark.

It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust, and the light of countless small pinpoints illuminate the room.

The door opens.

“Hey, who invited you here?” A rowdy voice calls.

“I thought that anyone could come? After all, this is a family reunion. Everyone should be allowed to join!” A small figure firmly stands.

“Hah, well, we're not inviting babies. Maybe come back next time, 22 billion years should be enough for you to grow up.” The voice replies.

“Hey, Jup, give him a break. You can't always be dissing our brother like that. It's not his fault.” Another person steps into the conversation – from far away, it looks like he's blue?

“Whatevers. I have more important things to be doing than conversing with a popcorn kernel.” You marvel at how tall he is.

“Don't worry about Jup, he's always like this,” the blue man says.

“I know, I know, but why is he always so stormy? Like, he needs to take a chill pill,” the small figure replies.

“Did someone call?” Another blue figure joins the conversation, and weirdly enough, he seems to be walking at a strange angle.

“Oh… hi.” The small figure says, and starts walking across the room. “Nevermind.”

“Hey little dude, how ya doing?” A hula-hooping man says to the small figure.

“Oh, hi dad! Nothing much, I'm just trying to walk to the end of the room.”

“Well, good luck with that! And be careful - the reds aren't in good moods today.”

The small figure grimaces, and continues walking. Soon, he will make it. Soon, he will prove to the others who really deserves to be here.

Soon.

Soon.

if you want to see the answer, just highlight the space below with your cursor!
genre: planet-ification (get it? like personification, but with planets hehe) short name: planet-fi

Last edited by CleverComment (March 8, 2024 18:22:44)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

word war with zee!! 349 words, warning: VERY BAD

There are lots of bugs here. I just walked into this room and I see lots of small bugs and insects walking and flying around. And when I turn back, there are even more. They all just came from nowhere, I do not know what to do know. I am very scared of spiders, but I don’t think I see any. I decide to walk to the other side of the door, but I am scared that I will step on an ant or something and that will anger the colony, so I will get bit. So I tip-toe to the other side, and thankfully, I do not get bitten by any insects. I open the door to the other side of the room, and I come across an open arena. It seems deserted and does not have any bugs, so I am very happy and relieved about that. The arena is closed, and there are many signs saying that it is dangerous, for some reason. I decide to risk it, because to be fair, I would more likely face an empty arena than a room full of small and scary bugs. I walk into the middle of the arena, and nothing happens. Suddenly, a dog starts running towards me. I feel scared, and my heart pumps in my ears. Dogs are very scary for me, and I start running away. Hopefully, I can make it out alive, because I am very scared, especially because the dog is really big. But thankfully, when I run away, the dog is too slow, and I go to the bug room again. However, this time, there is no bugs in the room, and there is only one thing. There is a duck, for some reason. And the duck is as big as an elephant. I shiver, what is happening to me? I am clearly having a dream. So I tell myself to control the dream and go to a candy land. It works. I am in a lucid dream, and I am standing in a field of lolluipops. I am in control.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 9, 2024 19:39:06)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

daily 3/8 - 236 words!
i chose yara, a fictional character from the book Yara's Spring, who, along with her family, tries to escape syria during the arab spring - go check it out! it's a great and moving read

To Yara,
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for always being strong.
Thank you for never giving up.
I know that everything is hard, especially with everything that’s been going on lately.
I could never bear the grief of losing my parents, especially on my 14th birthday. I would be so heartbroken and sad, and I respect you so much for going through the loss.
Thank you for taking care of your brother so much. I know that he’s little, and you help him navigate war so well. Children should never experience war. It’s horrible.
Thank you for being such an amazing friend to your friends. Even in the tough times, you never give up on them. You always help them. You never leave them alone.
I know that in this situation, it feels like the world is against you. But I know that there are good people, and I know that you are a good person.
You are amazing for helping everyone. You are amazing for never giving up, and staying resilient in the darkest moment.
Even when everything is gone, when your parents are dead, when everyone is gone, when the world turns into night, you still manage to stay strong.
You are a role model to your brother. You are a role model to your Nana.
You are a role model for everyone.
You are a role model to me.
Thank you.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 8, 2024 02:29:38)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

Scrithrillian Collab Story - my parts! 156 words

Clev turns around, startled to hear voices echoing. “Hey! Is anyone there?” They shout. Who would've thought that someone else was exploring the ruins at the same time that they were?

The voices seem to be coming from the right - or is it the left? Clev starts walking, and immediately bumps into someone.

~

“Who's there?” Clev calls. The person seems to have vanished, yet the voices are rising. What's happening?

~

“Who said what?”

~

“Who said that?” Clev asks.

~

“What's going on here, Storm?” Clev asks, relieved to finally have identified one of the voices.

~

“Uh, guys?” Clev asks to the empty air. They can hear their voice echoing into the dark; it seems that the cacophony of voices that they heard a minute ago have disappeared.

~

Clev gives up. This is all too confusing.

Their footsteps echo as they walk back to the entrance, but for some reason, it seems to have shifted.

What's going on?

Last edited by CleverComment (March 8, 2024 18:48:30)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

Thriller Writing Activities - Class 1: Memorable Settings

In 150 words or more, write about one feature or place that you’d want to add to the academy! (227 words)

Doesn't everybug love the feeling of diving into a leaf pile during an autumn afternoon? In this bug academy, a giant leaf pile would be a way for every bug to make friends with each other and have fun! This leaf pile will have countless small alcoves for real bugs to hide, explore, and vibe in. These nooks and crannies also provide valuable shelter for rest. And for us insect-humans, it's a great way to have fun! By having this leaf pile, we will be able to guarantee year-round happiness.

We can jump in it, throw leaves in the air, and hide in it during a game of hide-and-seek (the ultimate hiding spot). As for how this will be accomplished, we will install an advanced pipe system on the roof of the academy, ultimately moving fresh leaves and replenishing this leaf pile. While this idea may seem flimsy and may cost a hefty fee, it is worth it in the long run. A giant leaf pile will provide insect-humans with lots of fun activities, allowing them to rest, relax, and frolic!

In addition, this giant leaf pile will create valuable shelter for real bugs, giving them more flexibility on where they want to stay. If we work on the details more, it is certain that this giant leaf pile will benefit the academy for years to come.

Think of any setting, then brainstorm every different aspect of that setting, from the weather to the history, in at least 300 words. (329 words)
Scene: Abandoned city at night

Lighting: Red lightning sporadically pierces the sky, there are also street lights that flicker (they are very tall). There are no stars in the sky, and there are also neon lights. The neon lights give a “buzzing” sound and are also red, just like the lightning. Unlike the streetlights, they do not flicker, but are very dim. There are many places that are not lit and seem to hold mysterious shadows. Very dark.

City Format: There is one “main” boulevard that goes through the city, and there are cracks rapidly spreading across the boulevard. There are no other roads beside the boulevard. There are no places of residence in the city, but there are long abandoned neon stores that sell outdated and old antiques (there’s nothing in them). Streetlights loom and are on the side of the boulevard. There are lots of alleyways and pathways that lead to dead ends. They are all dark and mysterious. There are also many “buildings” looming in the background that actually do not exist.

Weather: Very bad. The night is very, very dark (no stars, dark thunderclouds loom). There’s a storm, but no rain. Red lightning cracks the air, but surprisingly, there is no thunder.

History: This city only exists in dreams. It is not abandoned because it was never inhabited. Surprisingly, it is in good shape (besides the cracks on the floor and some of the street lights being broken). It only serves the purpose of haunting people. It is controlled by the shadows. They manipulate the light in the city and are responsible for the cracks in the road. (to scare the dreamers that end up in the city).

Architecture: This city is very modern. It has lots of “modern” lighting such as neon lights/street lights, and it actually looks inhabitable – the only problem is that there is nowhere to sleep. So in reality, it’s not a city. (not everything is what it seems like).

Write a 150-word scene where the setting influences the character’s mood or emotions. Then wrote the same exact scene in a wildly different setting! How does the story change? ( words)

Last edited by CleverComment (March 10, 2024 02:53:10)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

word war with Sienna! 178 words

I need to finish the task. Smith had assigned me the role of targeting the last six hosts living on the planet, and as the best person at the job, I was naturally excited.

However, I had four days left. On a normal week, four days would seem like nothing. BUt when you are hunting down six famous people, it can be a hard job. However, I was ready to do everything to prepare for the hunt.

On the first day, I went to the lake. I was not expecting anyone to be there, but I knew that it was a famous spot that hosts always went to. Then I saw something. There was a robin on one of the trees near the lake. I know that all robins seem to look the same, yet this robin had something about it that made me think that it was no ordinary robin. It was a host. I waited for many hours, planning on what to do. And then after three hours, I finally struck. I ran to the robin.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 9, 2024 19:37:33)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

Thriller Class 1 Roleplaying (242 words)
“To help everyone get used to their complexes, we're going to be playing a game of hide and seek on one of our obstacle courses. Rockie, Poppy, and I will be the seekers, while the rest of you hide,” says CJ, grinning. They gesture to everyone to follow them as they swing open a set of double doors. A cool rush of air hits the group. An dense forest stretches as far as the eye can see. Ropes stretch between the low hanging boughs of trees, knotted tightly. “Ready. Set. Go!”

After the chaos had passed, Clev stands, confused. Amidst the initial dash, they didn't know what to do. “What's happening?” They wonder, but decide to run after the others. Apparently, everyone's scared of the leaders. With newfound speed, they run to the forest, but trip on a branch. “Ah!” They shout, and then immediately regrets that. They decide to lie down beneath a bush (hopefully nobody will find them).

~

Clev watches as CJ flies towards the canopy, suddenly grateful that they had decided to lie on the forest floor. They lie in wait, and watch as a butterfly hides in a tree. “Psst! What's going on?” They whisper, hoping that nobody else will hear them.

~

Clev watches in fear as CJ slowly descends down into the dark underbrush. Their presence brings a chill that shakes their bones. Horror fills their eyes, and an unfathomable dread seeps into their body. Deep down, Clev knows that they will be powerless to stop this. This was destined by the stars. This will be the end.

~

Clev jumps, startled at the voice. Is this the end? And then they realize – it's not CJ. The mantis seems friendly, but Clev doesn't know who to trust anymore. A leaf rustles a few inches away, and terror strikes them. Without a second to spare, Clev darts towards her. “Oh my gosh, thank you so so much,” they say. “I'm saved!!” They can only hope that CJ isn't chasing them.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 9, 2024 15:02:14)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

First Cabin Wars - Word Sprints!

I ate the cat. Don’t worry. Let me tell you the whole story.

It all began on a Tuesday. I was walking to the park when I saw a cat. And don’t get me wrong, I love cats! Doesn’t everyone? But this cat was different.

It was yellow. It was orange. It was black. It was white. It was a calico cat, I believe. And I love calico cats, I love them so much that I might love them to death. Literally.

I was feeling particularly hungry that day, so I decided to sit by the park bench to quell my hunger. That didn’t work out, because as soon as the cat saw me, they jumped on the bench and sat next to me.

My stomach rumbled and I was so so so hungry because I had not eaten in two days. I was denied entry into the cafeteria because I had no money and I looked bad and I felt so bad because I was so hungry and I was literally going to faint if I did not eat food.

So I ate the cat. Just kidding, just kidding. You think I would actually do that?

The cat eyed me weirdly. I was at first confused because why would the cat go next to me in the first place? For some weird reason, all cats seem to be afraid of me, so why would this particular cat sit next to me. And second of all, why is it weirdly coloured? And lastly, why is it looking at me like that?

I was starting to get scared so I decided to walk away, but the cat was in my way. What is happening to me? I was starting to panic so I ran as far as I could, and the cat chased me around.

This would be the end. This would be the end of me.

I first thought that I would die of starvation, but I guess that my destined fate was getting chased by a cat.

~

“Hey! Why is a cat chasing a dog over there?” (347 words)

The monster looked me in the eye. I was ready. This was the moment I had been waiting for for many, many, long years.
This was my time to prove myself.

I stood small against the hydra. It was big.

I was a little bit scared, but really, I was ready.

This was the time. This was the chance.

And I ran towards it.

I ducked underneath one of its heads and ran to its leg, hoping my sword would slash through it.

However, there was another head blocking it, so I had to run away.

I had to remember one thing: do not cut off the heads. Everyone knows that. But they just seem so easy to cut off that it is almost impossible to not resist. But, with the training of a decade, I knew what I had to do. I ran back to the entrance of the colosseum, but this time the hydra started following me.

Right on time. I thought to myself. This was all going according to plan. Then, when I was right at the entrance, I turned back and put my sword through one of the eyes of the hydra head that was close to me on the ground.

It was a perfect hit.

The hydra screamed, a very scary sound, and it looked very confused. All its heads were flailing, and everything was going according to plan. I started to hit the hydra’s other eyes with my sword, but this time, it came prepared. It ducked away, and somehow knocked the sword out of my hand.

I froze. This was not part of the plan. When the hydra lost one of its eyes, I would probably win because it would go blind and confused. Now what should I do?

I can do it.

I ran underneath the heads of the hydra, hoping that it could not see me with its blind eye. It worked. The hydra looked around frantically but did not see where I went. Its sword was in one of its mouths, as I saw the glint of bronze coming at the roof of the colosseum.

I never realized how tall hydras were.

Anyways, I started climbing up the hydra. It did not notice me for some miraculous reason, maybe perhaps it was distracted or I was too small. Then I finally did it.

I reached up to one of the heads of the hydra and pulled myself on it. And by some luck, it was actually the head with the sword in its mouth. One of the other heads of the hydra saw me and my heart stopped beating for a second.

I really hope that I would not die.

The hydra head started to breathe fire and shot a fireball in my direction.

Shoot, I thought. I had forgotten that the hydra could breathe fire.

BUt with many years of training comes many years of quick reflexes. I jumped back to the body of the hydra, off the neck of the head, and the fire missed me. The head of the hydra disintegrated, and cheered inwardly.

One head down, two to go. The bad thing was: the sword tumbled down with the head onto the floor, so if I wanted a chance to win this battle, I had to retrieve it.

The hydra started flailing. One of its heads was lost, and one of its four eyes was not working.

However, it still had three eyes.

It saw me climbing on it, and it started bouncing.

Totally unexpected, am I right?

The hydra started jumping like the floor was a trampoline. And for me, it was like the world was spinning.

It was like the Earth was a ping pong ball. Everything became a blur as I tried to cling on to the hydra neck with all of my might.

The floor started cracking with the wright of the hydra. Of course, hydras were the heaviest monster out there. How did I not think about that?

The power was too strong, and I got flung out.

I hit the floor with a crack. I winced and my eyes started watering. The pain that hit my body was UNBEARABLE and I knew that I was going to die.

I know that one of my bones was broken, but I didn’t have to know which one and fix it. I tried to move but it was like my whole body was on fire.

I dragged myself to the hydra neck. Conveniently, I landed close to the sword.

However, the hydra had noticed this, and started running towards me. The floor was already looking very delicate, and I did not want to fall in it.

I was hoping that the hydra would fall through the ground, as it was very heavy and the ground already looked like it was going to crack at any time.

Already, a spiderweb of cracks cracked through the ground.

The hydra seemed to notice this, and walked slower towards me.

I was so close to the sword now. I had already dragged myself for a few minutes, but I do not know if I would ever reach it.

My body was burning. My lungs were burning. I think I broke a bone. I did not know what was happening. The only thought that entered my mind was

Get the sword.

Get the sword.


The hydra kept walking at an ominously slow pace towards me, but I did not care anymore.

Get the sword.

Get the sword.


The hydra was so close to me, yet I was so close to the sword.

I was so, so close. The hydra was a step away from me.

I reached out towards the sword, but it was a few inches away. The hydra kept approaching. I could smell it now.

I reached out again just as the hydra’s head neared my body, and I got it.

Without thinking, I grabbed the sword and swung blindly at the hydra, hoping that I hit it before it got to me.

I sliced off one of its heads.

The hydra looked at me with a triumphant gleam in its eye, and I knew that I had seriously messed up.

The hydra stood there, two heads gone, one eye blind, floor cracked, and it waited.

I stood there, bones broken, on the floor, bleeding, and I waited.

It was time.

The hydra started growing another head.

Where its old head once was that I had just cut off, two new heads sprouted out, the same way a plant would sprout.

Except this time, it was a very deadly plant.

The hydra looked at me with three heads and five eyes.

And it roared.

Terror struck me.

But I knew, deep inside my bones, that I would do it.

I would survive.

With broken bones, I would survive.

I moved under one of the heads of the hydra that had already fallen, and sword in my hand, I waited for the hydra to come.

But this time, nothing happened. No hydra started running and stomping towards me.

What is happening?

I looked up, and I saw a fireball coming in my way.

Shoot.

I ducked, hoping that I would survive, and it missed by an inch.

The fireball struck the old hydra head, and rapidly spread across the neck.

I moved away, mustering up all the strength I had, and started dragging myself away from the fire that was rapidly spreading in the place I was a second ago.

Who knew that hydras were that flammable?

I felt my hair, and it was singed.

And when I looked back at the fire, it had consumed the whole neck, and was spreading across the floor.

Everything was chaos.

The arena was consumed by fire.

The floor was about to cave in.

The hydra stood there, finding me and looking at me with a ferociousness that I would never be able to describe.

And I stood there, shell-shocked. This was not the plan.

But plans are meant to be broken, right?

I stood there, bones aching.

And bones are meant to be broken, too.

With strength I still don’t know where I got, I ran towards the hydra.

Pain shot through my body, and it took every part of me to keep running.

The hydra looked at me. It stood its ground.

The fire was flickering everywhere.

But it didn’t matter.

I ran towards the hydra. It lifted up its foot to stomp me, and in slow-motion, I knew that I could not make it.

So I stopped.

I stopped running.

I gave in to the pain.

Everything stopped.

And the hydra stomped where I would have been if I had not collapsed on the ground a second ago.

The hydra stomped on the ground right in front of me.

And with a sickening boom, it reached the floor.

Like glass, a cobweb of cracks started spreading through the floor.

The hydra watched in horror as the ground finally gave in and collapsed (just like me).

The hydra screamed. It was a horrible, primordial sound that shook me to the bone.

The ground caved in,

and it fell into the abyss.

The hydra fell down.

It was over.

I stood there, bones broken, hair on fire, collapsed on the floor, and I was okay.

I had survived.

I had made it.

The arena continued burning.

(1567 words)

It turns out that the cat was not a cat this whole time.

I was walking home, when I saw a poster to adopt a cat at the animal shelter. I thought for a moment, then said “Why not?”
I had wanted a cat ever since I was a little kid, and now that I am an adult, I can make my own decisions.

I was so happy because I did not have to be lonely at home anymore. As an adult, I lived by myself in a small apartment. I did not have any roommates, any partners, any siblings, nobody. Having and adopting a cat would be so cool and I would be able to have a friend.

I walked to the address that the poster said and I opened the door. There was barely anyone inside, except for one person that was by the register. “Hello! How may I help you today?” He asked.
“Hello! I am looking to adopt a cat today. I am interested in any cat that you have here.”

The boy looked a bit worried for a second, and I thought that he was slightly intimidated by me for some reason.

“OK, that’s great!” He said. “Follow me right here, we have the perfect pet for you.”


He started to walk towards the back of the store, which is weird, because most of the pets were in cages near the front. I did not see any cats or any pets in the back.

He opened one door, and we stepped into the employee room.

“Meet Orange.” He said. There was an orange tabby cat lying there, and I knew instantly that I had to keep it. “Are they male or female?” I asked. He told me that Orange was a male.

“I’ll take him”.


When I got home, I took Orange out of his cage and he started purring. I knew that this was the perfect cat for me.

Then, when I looked at him again, he was a dog. What?

I did a double take, and sure enough, the cat Orange was a dog. That is so weird.

I went back to the shelter the next day and they said that they did not have any cats so they just gave me a dog that looked like a cat. (386 words)

Last edited by CleverComment (March 9, 2024 23:17:24)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
Scratcher
100+ posts

Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

word war with ambrose! (258 words)

I saved someone, and I regretted it.

Saving people is not always a good thing. Sometimes it is a very, very bad thing.

I walked to the park one day and there was a person in the pond. I do not know why he was in the pond to begin with, but I saw that he was drowning. He was flailing around and was having trouble breathing, so without thinking, I ran to the pond quickly. AFter I ran to the pond, I jumped in the pond with no hesitation. I was really hoping that he would not die and that I would be able to save him from drowning.

I swam to him and because I am a really good swimmer, I reached him very quickly. He was scared of me, but when I reached him, I showed that i was there to save him, and not harm him.

He was very relieved, and when I saved him, I swam back to land. He was holding on to me and I was swimming slowly to land.

AFter about 10 minutes, we reached land and we were both saved. He was very happy that I was saving him, and he started running away. What is ahppneing? Why did he run away

I was very confused so I called back to him but he started sprinting in the other direction and I never saw him again.

I saw the news later that day and apparently there was a criminal in the neighrbohood. It was him. I saved ia crimina.

Last edited by CleverComment (March 9, 2024 19:37:55)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
Scratcher
100+ posts

Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

word war with rainy! (251 words)

Oh amazing frying pan,
We owe it all to you.
I love you.
You are everything. You are my life. Thank you for existing, great frying pan.
I use you fore veryting. I use you when I need to make an egg. I use you when I need to hit someone in the head. You re so versatile, and I thank you for that. Sometimes when I am bored and I need someone to talk to, I talk to you. Because you are my best friend. Frying pan, I love you.
Sometimes people like to bully you. SOmetimes people forget to oil you when they are cooking with you. I hate those people. You deserve all the respect.
I hate it when people do that. You always need to clean, you always need to look like you came straight out of a dish washer. Because you deserve to be treated that way.

One day, when I was sleeping, I heard someone in the kitchen. I was scared, because I did not live with anyone else. I was climbing downstarits and I saw a crook. He was going after some of my jewelry that I stored downstairs. So I went into the kitchen and I grabbed you. I grabbed you in my hands, approached the robber, who did not see me, and I hit him in the head. He fainted, and I called the police. It was an amazing day. You are the best weapon. I will always choose you.
Thank you.


“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
Scratcher
100+ posts

Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

Weekly 1 - Legends (1899 words)

Mythology
4. Genre Swap (274 words)
“It’s all because of Prometheus.” Zeus grumbled.

He was always helping those pesky little “humans” that he had created. And they were so lame!

Zeus looked at Hephaestus. “We need to do something. Before long, those humans that he’s always helping will grow out of control, and they’ll start attacking the robots.”

Hephaestus paled. “The robots? He can’t just do that! They’re perfect. I spent a century working on them, and they’re amazing. I’ll let you know what I can do.”

Zeus smiled. He always knew that he could count on Hephaestus to do his deeds, especially because he created the robots that ruled society today.

He closed the hologram, and Hephaestus slipped out of view.

Zeus sighed. Being the supreme overlord of the skies was a tough job, and sometimes, all he wanted to do was slip out of reality and go into virtual reality. Don’t I deserve it?

Out of nowhere, a certain fellow joined the hologram meeting. My, my, my, speaking of the devil.
“Hello Prometheus. What is your business here?” Zeus said, formal as ever.

“Yes, my lord. I was just hoping to take some fire from Olympus to give them to the humans.”

THE BLASPHEMY! Zeus thought. The utter audacity of him to do that. “If you do that, I’m going to have to put you in cyber prison.”

“If you do that,” Zeus boomed, “I’m going to give you to my personal robo-eagle lieutenant. And you’re going to wish you never did that.”

Prometheus bowed down, trembling, and left the call.

Zeus sighed. He’s going to do it, isn’t he? Whatevers. He had some videogames he had to play.

Hi-Fi
1. Original Characters in Historical Times (288 words)
“Hey, did you hear?” A man jostles over, the heavy noise of the marketplace obscuring his words.

“Sorry, what?” Noah said.

“I was saying, did you hear? Apparently some guy made it so the Bible didn’t have to be copied by hand anymore? I think it was called the printing press.”

“Wait, I heard about that as well!” A lady selling spices nearby joins the conversation. “His name was Johannes Gutenberg, right?”

“Ah, yes. His name keeps slipping out of my head.” The man laughs.

“Wait, actually? Noah says. “That’s so co-”

Both of them are gone.

He sighs. Of course.

But it’s actually pretty cool. A small smile appears on his face.

“Ey! Watch where you’re going.” Noah jumps; he almost just ran into a man.

And then he remembers: he’s at a marketplace.

Thousands of vendors are selling various wares: perfumes, scrolls, bread - Noah even spotted an alchemy stand selling mercury and gold.

It was a beautiful mess.

But what was he even doing here?

He spots the lady from before. “Hi again.”

Recognition is a fickle thing. “Who are you again?” She says, then barks at another merchant across the marketplace. “Stop stealing my customers!”

Noah’s smile faded. “Nevermind.” He says. “Could I try some cinnamon?”

The lady’s eyebrows dance. “Oooh, the exotic cinnamon. Ceylon dragons guard cinnamon trees, and for good reason. They pack quite a punch! That’ll be three florins.”

That expensive? Noah frantically digs into his pouch, and after a minute of scrambling, he produces three grubby coins.

“That’ll do.” The lady says.

Noah breathes in the cinnamon; it smells beautiful, exotic, and tropical. “I could get used to this,” he says as he leaves the marketplace.

Maybe he’ll be back tomorrow.

4. If These Walls Could Talk (341 words)
I remember when the world fell down.

I remember when it hit.

But I’m still standing.

I remember when I was built. I was a young wall, an innocent wall. I never knew what would happen.

I always wanted to be a great wall. I knew walls who knew the Great Wall of China, I knew walls who knew the walls of the Berlin Wall, I knew walls who knew the walls of Buckingham Palace. I knew walls who even knew the three walls of the Three Little Pigs. (What an honour!)

‘Alas, I was just a regular wall. I was just a wall of a regular, shmegular home. I wasn’t even an apartment building wall. I was just a wall of a house in New Mexico. What even happens in New Mexico?

It was 1952.

People came and went. After 100 years, I had three families who had lived in me. The first family was an old farmer couple. They were together until the end. The second family were two newlyweds from the hometown that we lived in. (Population: 18). They ended up moving to the city.

The last was a widow (age: 32) who lived with her dog. She liked Earl Grey Tea and waking up with the sun.

It was a bittersweet life. Everyone was okay.

Until the nuclear fallout.

The nuclear testing facility in New Mexico got out-of-control. It exploded. The whole world went berserk. Everything changed. And nothing was okay.

One day, the widow didn’t wake up with the sun. Neither did the dog.

And I knew. I knew that something was wrong.

Nuclear war struck our Solar System.

And there was nothing I could do but stay standing. There was nothing I could do but watch as the world went down.

I was there when humans reached the moon. I was there when the moon got bombed.

And yet, here I still stand.

The last living wall on the planet that doesn’t live anymore.

The sun sets in the distance.

And the world goes dark.


Fairy Tales
3. An Enchanting Reunion (283 words)
A group of pigs enter a forest clearing, and see a girl already standing there. ““Yo! What’s good?”

“Uh, who are you?” The girl says. “I didn’t know pigs could talk.”

“Hey! Watch your language. And the question we should be asking is, who are you?”

“I’m just a girl.”

“Who happens to wear only red,” one of the pigs snort.

“Says three pigs that wear overalls.” The girl retorts, and she laughs. “Anyways, when I got the letter, I was never expecting me to run into you guys.”

“I got a letter too!” The smallest pig reached out and pulled a letter out of his front pocket. “Who do you think sent it?”

The girl shrugged. “Who knows? Do you think others are going to show up?”

As if on cue, someone stepped into the clearing. “Sorry, I’m late. What’s going on?” The girl wears purple, and has long yellow hair – so long that they can’t find the end of it.

“I like you already.” The red girl says.

The long haired girl smiles. “What’s up?”

A wolf steps out of the woods. “Right on time. Dinner time!”

“AAAA!!” The three little pigs squeal. One of the pigs faint, the other freezes in place, and the last starts running away.

The red girl pales. “How did you find us?”

The long haired girl says, “So you’re the one behind this reunion. Well, take this!” She takes a gigantic frying pan from her pocket and swings it at the wolf – a perfect hit.

The wolf faints, and the red girl high-fives her. “Way to go. That wolf won’t be haunting the forest for long.”

The long haired girl winks. “Thank the frying pan.”

Folklore
1. Oral Retelling (497 words)
“Heya kiddo, wanna hear a story?”

“Yes!!! Could we do the one about the Rainbow Wolf? Please? It’s my favourite.”

The dad laughs. “Of course, it’s my favourite too.”

He moves closer to the daughter, and the campfire flickers in the distance.

“My father told me this story, and his parents told it to her, and their parents, and their parents, and their parents, all until the Earth was first created.” He spreads his hand out, and the daughter’s eyes widen.

“Wow!! That’s so cool.”

“Once upon a time, there lived a Rainbow Wolf. Nobody knows why, but we just know that he was rainbow. His name was - ”

“Titan!”

He smiles.

“Yep! And this is his story. Once, he was the leader of a wolf pack, the Silver Six. They desperately needed to get some prey. They had been starving for many, many weeks now. But this time they found a deer. It was injured. But they chased the deer into enemy territory. And Titan, with all of his power, ran after the deer, because he knew that if they did not catch it, then the whole pack would die. But he fainted, and when he woke up, he met the goddess Artemis.”

“Woah!!” The daughter said.

“Woah indeed! Artemis granted him three wishes, and his wishes were to…”

“To get wings, be rainbow, and see his family again!!!”

“Exactly!! But Artemis didn’t like the wishes, because they were too selfish, she said. She still gave it to him, though, and that is why he is rainbow.”

“But that’s so mean of her!”

“Why?”

“Because all he wanted to do was see his family again!!! He worked really hard and was trying to help save them.”

The dad nods.

“I think that it was unfair because she granted him any three wishes he wanted, and she got mad at what he chose. She shouldn't've assumed and judged him!! I would’ve chosen that too!! I love rainbow! Why would she be angry because of that?”

The father smiles. “I never thought about that. That makes a lot of sense. I agree with that! That was unfair. Especially because the pack cast him out after he returned.”

The daughter nods. “Yeah! That’s not nice of them. He spent a whole wish to get back to them!”

“I never thought about it that way. You helped me look at things from a different perspective today!”

The daughter beams. “Maybe I can tell the story to my children in the future!”

The father smiles. “It’s a tradition that we can keep going on forever.”

“Can we finish it?”

“Of course! And so, Titan got banished from his pack. However, as a magical wolf, some say that we can still hear his howls at night, especially with a full moon.”

The daughter’s eyes widen. “Do you think that we can hear them tonight? Maybe he’s lonely and needs a new friend!”

The father laughs. “Maybe.

Maybe.”

“Good night, dad!”

“Good night, daughter.”

4. Magical Realism (216 words)
I’ve been scrolling online for who knows how many hours. I know I should stop, but I just can’t seem to bring my finger a few inches. It just seems wrong to stop, especially because there’s no point. I mean, I’ve already started. I wouldn’t be able to do anything productive, so why just keep going?

“Hey, you!”

My phone is talking to me.

“Yes, you! Stop scrolling!”

I’m not even sure what I’m doing with my life anymore.

Whatever. I close my phone and toss it on the floor. I get out of bed.

The clock says that it’s “midnight already! Go to sleep!”

Why not? I change my clothes. The clothes heap on the floor keeps building up. “We need a home! Put us in the washing machine!”

Fine. I grab the pile and dump them into the washing machine. And I should probably go to sleep now.

But my phone keeps beckoning to me…

“Ew, you stink! Take a shower!” The laundry machine taunts.

Urgh. I really don’t feel like doing this. But I haven’t showered in days.

I trudge to the shower, and I turn it on. The water feels oddly relaxing.

And when I’m done, I brush my teeth. And when I’m done, I go to bed.

Sleep welcomes me (literally).

Last edited by CleverComment (March 10, 2024 22:31:39)



“You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy” - Nightbirde

CleverComment
Scratcher
100+ posts

Clev's SWC Writing Thread (March '24)!

critique for reese! (719 words)

ok wow so i'm really glad that i got to read this because wow this is amazing!!

i love the theme of this (about light/darkness and hope) and poetry like this is truly amazing.
alrighty, let's get started - and sorry if i miss things, i'm sort-of in a hurry! by the way, when i refer to “stanzas” i refer to the paragraphs of text, not every four lines. i mixed them up haha, so just think of “stanzas” as paragraphs for this critique

(blink a crack / blink a crash / blink a collapse) i love this so much - however, i would add punctuation between the “blink”s and the rest of the words, for example: blink - a crack / blink - a crash / blink - a collapse), in my opinion, it just feels a lot more sudden that way, and the punctuation separates the two so they don't seem connected together, if that makes sense? of course, this is only a stylistic choice so yeah xD

i watch the rock with steady apprehension
i ignore the moon down to the slightest mention
not out of spite; i simply forget
i'm not really sure what this means (or maybe i'm just ignorant) – steady apprehension is an oxymoron, but i first thought that the narrator wanted the fissures to happen? i'm pretty sure there's poetic meaning behind this but i don't know where to find it aweoifanwo. i'm also not sure what the moon has to do with this, because the title talks about the dawns arriving too slowly, so doesn't the reader want the moon to leave? (sorry if this seemed mean, just trying to show my thought process!).

i feel like “ignore to the slightest mention” and “i simply forget” seem to contradict themselves as well, because if the narrator is aware of them ignoring the moon, then why do they say that they forget? if that makes sense i'd try to clarify what it means better!!


in my modest nearsighted anxiety
i forget the thorns, spikes in my spineless frame
fingers scraped up like skinned knees
(remember the overalls?)
i don't really understand this whole stanza :sob: the overalls are an inside reference to the life of the narrator, but it seems really random (but that could be a good thing as well!) and what thorns would be there while watching the rocks?

also, i'm not sure how the “waiting for the fissures” and the journey to the stars and the darkness relates to each other, in my mind, they seem like two completely different ideas - but they do seem like they can definitely have connections. maybe try elaborating more on it? sorry this is so unclear awfnasoz - is one dawn and the other dusk? OOH or maybe the fissures are what start the whole journey? and while they seem bad at first, they actually have good parts as well?

adding on to that, i can definitely see how “it was sparkles in the snow but then
the flakes drifted to the ground
(ashes, ashes, we all fall down)” relates to the stanza with the “weeks pass and the wind blows the leaves”, but not with the “when will you learn to see the first fissures” stanza between them. are the fissures causing the leaves to fall? if so, then it should be made clear that the leaves falling is scary at first. if not, then it might be best to make the connections clear between these stanzas? or maybe it's intentionally ambiguous :0

also i'm not sure why you're personifying (is that a word? xD) the lightbulbs? OOH WAIT because they could symbolize light - i understand now, but i also think it would be good to show the return of darkness AND the absence of light as well (not just the lightbulbs leaving), to make it clear

no one can ignore the discordant piano keys
so slam them harder, my love
you deserve to be seen for more than that
but sometimes you have to settle
for the midnights
before you can climb the ladder
to the daylights

(but perhaps the midnights are much more fun)

I LOVE THIS SO AMAZING but i'm a little bit confused on how the narrator ended up making this conclusion (of midnights being good)? i'm not sure where they got the experience of getting this wisdom (was it the games?). maybe it's because i didn't really understand the last three stanzas so maybe try clarifying it a little bit more? i know i keep telling you to “clarify” it without providing specific instructions, but i'm not really sure what to do because it doesn't make sense to me (at least). the last three stanzas are a bit hazy for me (especially the game one).

this is so amazing. i know this critique might've seemed harsh(?) at times, but i know that there is poetic genius in here, i'm just too confused to understand it haha
let me just tell you that this is beautiful. some lines are just so poignant that it's really really moving. (ones that stick out to me are “what is there to do, but watch the petals fall?” “we are a lonely bunch / but at least / we aren’t alone” and “if there is grace in the absence of light /is there brokenness in the presence of purity?”) SO GOOD LITERALLY AMAZING

so in the end, i love this so so so much i might've been confused sometimes, but you showed the message very clearly and i love it so much. if you ever decide to enter this in the writing comp, it's going to win big, bc it's literally amazing. hopefully this helped!!

Last edited by CleverComment (March 11, 2024 17:15:53)



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