Part 01: Outlineˊˎ-
⤿Exposition:
The passage opens in a smoky town square where Serina accidentally reveals her face when her black mesh veil falls. In this kingdom, people are expected to keep their faces hidden, suggesting strict social rules and secrecy. Serina’s golden eyes immediately draw attention from a young apprentice named Calvin. Instead of reacting with fear or anger, he responds with curiosity and sarcasm, noticing her unusual eyes.

Rising action:
Calvin teases Serina about breaking the rules and subtly threatens to report her, increasing tension. Their interaction becomes more intense as Serina realizes she may be in serious trouble. Suddenly, guards appear and order them to stop.

Climax:
After reaching a hidden waterfall, Calvin reveals a shocking truth that includes the kingdom forcing everyone to hide their faces to maintain control and secrecy. He believes Serina’s golden eyes have the power to challenge the king and expose the truth. He wants to show her and everyone else that the king is not who he says he is.

Resolution:
Serina realizes her accidental mistake may have revealed a greater purpose. She’s reluctant and also frightened, though she begins to accept that she might be the key to changing the kingdom, and she will not face the challenge alone because Calvin will help her. And if there’s any greater wish she wants to receive, is being able to see her own face as well as everyone else’s.

Words: 234
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Part 02: Short Storyˊˎ-
⤿Serina tucked black hair behind a black meshed veil. Then it fell. Fear ran through her mind like dying candle light trying to stay alive. Her eyes glimmered sparks on a dull stone. The square smelled of damp brick and smoke from early fires. A young apprentice paused mid-step, the scrape of leather boots and distant clatter of carts faded as his gaze lingered, drawn to her eyes. Her eyes widened with terror and a hand cupped over her mouth.
The young male gave a slight smirk and then replied: “Are you trying to get in trouble or are you trying to blind me?” He sarcastically remarked. His own face was covered in a mesh veil like she once had.
Serina’s hands clutched the edge of her veil now tucked around her neck. However, she couldn’t bring herself to cover her face again. He didn’t run away. I can’t hide it now. It’s too late.
“Are your eyes always like that?” His voice was curious and his eyes through the mesh of his veil glinted with awe.
She hesitated, finding herself trapped in thrill and terror. She stayed silent. Why isn’t he running?
“I’ve never seen eyes that golden before. It’s dangerous, you know.” He spoke again in a hushed whisper.
“I—Forgive me I broke the rules.” Serina decided to say, treading carefully through high tide.
He gave a small smirk that was followed by a gentle chuckle. “Breaking the rules, huh? I think you’re enjoying this more than you’ll admit.”
She smiled softly before gripping her veil to pull it over her face again. “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be with the other apprentices begging for gold and whatnot?”
He shook his head lightly, beginning to pace in circles. “Now what if I told the king that someone in town revealed her face? Threw away her veil…and uhm…got you exiled?” He softly threatened.
She tilted her head in amusement, her eyes glittering like sunlight. “Hmm…Brave answer. And do you personally know the king?” She questioned.
His hesitation gave her the answer she wanted before he had the chance to respond. “I have my ways. Now may I ask why wasn’t your veil held in place? Everyone knows you need a strong foundation for things to stay together. Otherwise, it’s flimsy. And you, Miss. have been incredibly flimsy.” He pointed to his own meshed black veil, clipped onto his torso with a shiny emerald green brooch keeping it neatly in place. Looks like she forgot that little detail. She’d let her guard down and now she was about to be guarded.
Before Serina could let words slip out of her mouth, a handful of guards in shimmery armor came into view. “Halt! You two aren’t supposed to be out here.”
The apprentice bolted toward Serina in a swift motion, catching hold of her wrist gently to tug her along in a sprint. “Run!” He shouted.
Serina gasped as her feet struggled to catch up with his long steps.
“Hey! Stop in the name of the king!” The guards shouted and the clanking of boots picked up, the sound echoing off the cobblestone paths.
Serina rushed through the approaching woods, trying to allow her feet some grace. However, luck was not on her side that day. Fog filled the air in an attempt to stop her from running. Like it was its own mind. A tug on her wrist sent her tumbling into a thick bush and the apprentice knelt on his knees beside her. “What are you doing?!” She lazily whispered to him.
The apprentice brought a finger up to the curve of her lips and placed it there gently. “Keeping the both of us safe. Mostly you. If they find you, they’ll send you into exile themselves.”
Serina let out a gentle scoff at his remark. “Funny since you just threatened me with that same accusation.” She then harshly whispered.
He poked a hand out through the bush so he could see if they were both still being followed. It looked like they were since he ducked back into the bush within a second. “Huh then looks like you’re going to have to listen to me. By the way, my name is Calvin. And since I’m basically now in charge of you, looks like we’re going to be close buddies.” Calvin said, a small smirk crossing his face.
“Yeah and who’s fault is that?” Serina snapped.
“Yours, if you want to be technical.” He casually shrugged.
Serina bit her lip to keep herself from saying anything rhetorical that might get her in more trouble than she already was.
“All right. I think they’re gone. Follow me.“Okay well rest here for the night and by tomorrow morning we should be free to go. Keep your veil on at all times. Hopefully they’ll forget about what they saw and you’ll be out of danger.” Calvin then slowly pried himself out of the bush and Serina followed his trail, sending the both of them deep into the forest where a waterfall rested. Butterflies floated through the wind as she sound of the flowing water intruded their voices, making the perfect Jodi spot.
“Why are you helping me? Don’t you have more important things to do rather than seek out damsels in distress?” Serina asked him, searching his eyes for answers.
“I’m helping because that’s what I do. You know this kingdom has the reputation as a chameleon. They lie, they steal, and they cheat. That’s why we hide our faces. When was the last time you saw your real face? Besides today perhaps, when?” He pressed.
Serina didn’t have to think about his question. Since she was a little girl she was always told to hide her face. For whoever saw her reveal would have true power over her. Complete control. She wouldn’t be able to fend for herself or have any right of her own if she were to slip off her veil. Now she understood why. “Never. You…?”
He shook his head, his gaze peering out into the blue of the sky. “Just like you, I was told to hide my face forever. Let no one see. This is what they do, the kingdom. They keep everyone hidden from the truth. And I’m trying to get rid of their force field. We’ve been under cover for too long. Undermined far too deep that the shovel is beginning to dull. And now you’re the key. You’re what the kingdom needs to get rid of all this secrecy. I need your help.”
Serina’s eyes widened at every word. Was that really the truth? Was she the key to the locked door her entire life?
She watched his eyes carefully, making sure he wasn’t leaving anything out. “Why are you so sure it’s me?” She asked him.
He let out a soft sigh and inches slightly closer to her so she could practically feel his breath. “Because I saw that glint in your eyes. A glint like that can send even the king off his very throne. No one can do that. Not from what I’ve seen. You’re special. And I commend that.”
Now her fate wasn’t only in her hands, rather the entire kingdom’s. And all because she’d let her veil fall. She’s let her secret be revealed. They say curiosity killed the cat. But they do also say a cat has nine lives. So really, there are two sides to every coin. One key to open the door. And she would be able to solve the mystery. But she wasn’t going to do it alone. She would have Calvin to help her save the kingdom. Together.

Words: 1,279
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Part 03: Critiqueˊˎ-
⤿Vi’s Short Story

Your story has a strong emotional core and a very effective atmosphere. The cafe setting and neon reflections are by far my favorite part. These create a vivid mood that suits well with the quiet and tense interaction with both Cad and Jamie. The use of awkward pauses is definitely realistic which helps with the idea that these two were once really close. One of the biggest strengths is the subtlety. You had Cad leave with an emotional resolution because it suggests his acceptance towards the growing apart. However, some of the paragraphs and ideas are slightly repetitive. That can slow down the momentum, but overall there are only a few structural hiccups that could use some patchwork. Other than that, I love the characters and their believable growth throughout! Wonderful job.

Words: 132

Words written for each part
⤿Part 01: 234
⤿Part 02: 1,279
⤿Part 03: 132

☽‧₊˚ Total parts -> 1,645 ☽‧₊˚