It was a beautiful thing to see. She witnessed it all but she was the only one to do so and she was the only one that could ever really connect with those two.

The bigger one first sprung sometime one spring, and through the window it was just a dainty stick with a leaf on the end, meaningless and too tiny to warrant mention. She didn't care though; she watched it every day anyway. Sprouting up from the ground, it was triumphance moving at a snail's pace. She saw it all that year, as it went from measly, through all the way to small, but postured and self-assured. Maybe only she saw it that way, but that's exactly how it looked if you asked her.

It was about a year when the next one sprouted as the same insignificant little baby that the first had been. The process was much the same, and every day, she would look out the window and see it reaching it's head a little higher, catching up with the first tree, that had started to grow slower now.

There was a bar in her window and it was a perfect split between the two trees. Though still immature, the sturdier, older one stood stronger on the left as the new one came fresh from the ground.

That became her pastime over the years, to watch them as they grew. The younger had sunken to the right and began to grow in that direction, the older going steadily straight up. They always seemed to want to intertwine, some of their branches got dangerously close. As the older one grew up and told its story, the younger followed suit. Their leaves were the same color and when they fell, they became an indistinguishable pile, pushed together and stirred around by the wind.

Eventually those piles would blow away, and winter would enter and both trees were entirely barren, bald. Then, the observer in her room could see the details of the branches, the places they reached for, the way they seemed to yearn to reach the other, but never could. The window's framing was still there, splitting the areas of their domain tragically in half.

She had always seen it as a tragedy. Two trees that were just meant to be together, their territory divided right down the middle. Some days, when she was feeling sad or alone, she would look outside at them, and watch, hoping that she could see them grow, immediately, grow and latch onto each other, and break free of the arbitrary boundaries. Curse the window, she thought to herself every day as she watched the progress of her two friends. Then one day, she went outside, and greeting her was a view of two trees, standing proud next to each other, uninterrupted.

honesty wrote:

at a snail's pace.

honesty wrote:

She didn't care though; she watched it every day anyway.

honesty wrote:

but that's exactly how it looked if you asked her.

honesty wrote:

That became her pastime over the years

honesty wrote:

she thought to herself every day

Excessive use of commas, especially in paragraphs 4-6.

I like the idea of the story very much and the culmination at the end is heartwarming, but some of the sentences seem a little clunky and don't flow together very well. I would suggest reading it aloud to try and work out some more fluid sentence structure.

One more thing:

honesty wrote:

new research finds italics are cruise control for cool, debunks old caps lock theory

glue-gun wrote:

I like the idea of the story very much and the culmination at the end is heartwarming, but some of the sentences seem a little clunky and don't flow together very well. I would suggest reading it aloud to try and work out some more fluid sentence structure.

Yeah. Of course I'll be taking your corrections, and this was written at around 11pm last night so it hasn't gone through any awake or aware editing.

I've updated it with those grammatical corrections (stylistic will come tonight or sometime).

And of course, the is in my signature refers to the style as a single whole thing.

honesty wrote:

And of course, the is in my signature refers to the style as a single whole thing.

But “italics” is always a plural noun in reference to the typography, although you could use “italic” or “italic type” as well.

TAKE MY MONEY

…after extending to chapter book size and getting published
you'll make millions; it's great

scratchisthebest wrote:

TAKE MY MONEY

…after extending to chapter book size and getting published
you'll make millions; it's great

It's nowhere near that good. All of glue-gun's criticism is perfectly accurate, and it's pretentious.

Second, I would probably never even read about trees growing for 200 pages. I can sort of see how it could be done and it could be interesting but it also kind of goes against a big part of it.

well, yes, it needs a bit of editing, but nothing a reading aloud wouldn't reveal.

And the trees growing doesn't have to be the entire story.
(I wouldn't read 200 pages of trees either unless it was super large print so your post would be 200 pages )
it can just be a little part
maybe the girl's the main character, and the trees are like your foreshadowing device
maybe she builds a treehouse
maybe she goes off to do something tangentially related then finds a tree at the end of the story and it's like the big emo moment in the book
who knows?

omg i spelled tangentially right first try

The younger had sunken to the right and began to grow in that direction, the older going steadily straight up.
it's just…no
I like the idea, but you need to work on the execution

dontbombiraq wrote:

The younger had sunken to the right and began to grow in that direction, the older going steadily straight up.
it's just…no
I like the idea, but you need to work on the execution

I don't really know why I included that line. Their directions aren't particularly relevant, and I'm aware, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it right now.