Lucas was a young child of a mere six years old, with a fantastic imagination of which no young child of a mere six years old should lack. He had brown hair and blue eyes and freckles, lots of freckles. Tonight, as almost every night, Lucas was going to bed and shortly afterwards to sleep.

And so, with that, he was asleep.

Lucas awoke in a very big room with white walls and a plush red-carpet floor. It was soft and fuzzy beneath his feet, like the fur of a well-mannered bear named Lucipher. Although, there are most likely no well-mannered bears in the world named Lucipher, so this comparison is silly and barely worth mentioning.

“I do wonder,” Lucas pondered in that fantastic young mind of his, “Where am I, why am I here, and what am I to do here? Also, who, exactly, is here, when, exactly, is this, and exactly how?”

“Those are all very legitimate questions, my dear Lucas.” And as if by magic (and very probably by magic), a strange looking bald man with a large lab coat and gargantuan glasses with little buttons on the side of the frames stepped out from the soft velvety floor. Lucas would soon learn that this man’s name was Professor Harold Dandyman, the great genius mind behind Dandyman Industries.

“My name is Professor Harold Dandyman, the great genius mind behind Dandyman Industries. And I believe this would answer one of your questions; who,” said Professor Dandyman.

He would thereby proceed to ask exactly who Lucas was.

“And exactly who are you?

Lucas studied the stale old man thoroughly, from shining bald head to shining black shoes. He was particularly interested in the extravagant professor’s large, thick, and equally extravagant spectacles.

“I am named Lucas,” answered Lucas. “It is very nice to meet you, Professor Harold Dandyman, the great genius mind behind Dandyman Industries. May I ask you a question?”

“Well,” the prof. replied, “You’ve already asked six.”

“I have?”

“Indeed you have. You asked the altogether six of the world’s very important questions; who, what, when, where, why, and how. You see I used to study the art questionology, meaning I used to be a questionologist.” At this point, Lucas was a little perplexed. Nevertheless the man continued. “It was, and is, a very delicious subject. But since then they’ve renamed it to ‘science’, and I suppose that makes me a ‘scientist’. Disappointing — ‘questionologist’ sounded much better.”

“I suppose I have asked questions already then,” Lucas said while scratching his head out of confusion over this entire baffling subject. “But the question I have is probably much less important.”

“Ask anything, I will answer as much as I know,” the professor said while fiddling with the purple buttons on his coat.

Lucas pointed his index finger at Dandyman’s great big eyeglasses. “What of all logical things in the world are those silly-looking glasses?”

Professor Harold Dandyman made a little jump of excitement; less than a dance, more than a small movement. “Oh, I’m terribly glad you asked! But first I must say that these are not a logical thing in the world, but quite illogical in fact. I will still answer your question. These are my shiny-new patented-by-me Retro-Specs!”

“Your shiny-new patented-by-you what?” Lucas said, very puzzled.

“Retro-Specs! Oh, aren’t they the greatest?” The professor took them off and examined them with pride, revealing his ever-ecstatic bright purple eyes.

“I suppose that I would answer your question, but I’m not entirely sure I know just yet,” Lucas replied. “May you please continue?”

"Well, Lucas, the answer would be very simple. Which is no, they are not the greatest, but only the five-hundred-forty-seventh greatest. But, considering there are an extensive ninety-four-billion-eight-million-six-thousand-three-hundred-twenty-two great things in the universe we know of, that still is pretty great.”

“Hmm, that does seem very great. Alright, then what do these fantastic Retro-Specs of yours do?” asked the young Lucas.

And to this the prof. replied, “Oh, the Retro-Specs do many things, such as make toast for me in the morning and sing me a lullaby at night. But that’s simply a standard for all my products. The Retro-Specs help me see flaws in things I have made in the past. With the Specs on, things that are unsatisfactory glow a sort of green tingly color. But, there’s a flaw with the flaw-detector. It may be able to see flaws – what it can’t actually do is fix them, which, in retrospect, was not a very good idea. You simply have to do it yourself. Now isn’t that a mindful to think about?”

“It represents real life, in a way,” Lucas pondered.

The professor agreed, “In fact, it absolutely does. Perhaps one day you’ll be working at Dandyman Industries like me! Anyway, enough about the Retro-Specs, and let’s answer one of those questions of yours. I've already answered who, but I'm perfectly willing to answer any of the five others.”

“How about why?” suggested Lucas.

“Oh, that one’s easy,” said Dandyman. “The answer is that I do not know. Perhaps you have been destined, perchance you don’t remember, or possibly you just fell asleep, and now you’re here. Whichever and whatever the case, you’re here. But let’s make it our goal to determine exactly which one it is.”

“Alright, then how about where?”

“Delightful idea! But, the only way to properly answer that question is with a tour!”

“Fine with me,” answered Lucas, “I’m sure I have plenty of time.”