❥・@starryy-silk
Wordcount・288
Points・300
Cabin・Bi-fi

in the nobel land of aylocia, there lived a royal family that ruled over all.

titles possess a great amount of power, being passed down from generations, with an occasional new title handed to a notable civilian.

several other common jobs include butchers, scribes, teachers, and more.

once children reach the age of 13, they are lead by officials to the shrine of choosing, where 4 statues of the heroes select which path each kid will follow.

others are led back to their hometown.

they host extravagant parties for nobels on special occasions, such as the crown’s birthday, where the ruling queen/king invite families over to their palace to celebrate the date of their birth.

however, there is no evidence of such, so many higher ranked families do not take this tale seriously.

• The H3brew word means a shapeless object, like unformed clay
  
• A golem is a humanoid that has no soul and can’t speak
  
• Some ancient texts say a golem can be created using ancient H3brew letters and names of G0d, or even using meditation
  
• Once created, a golem could be used as a vessel to ascend to the spiritual realm
  
• Golems are sometimes used to protect the civilizations that create them, but may turn 3vil
  
• For my stories: A golem would be an interesting worldbuilding element — something that is created magically and used to protect cities, towns, or sacred locations. A golem turning 3vil and betraying its city could be a plot point or something the adventurers have to fight.
  

• Looks exactly like any other grass, but as soon as you step on it you immediately feel extremely hungry or tired
  
• Or you might fa1nt and d1e
  
• Some say Hungry Grass was caused by the “little people” (aka fairies), leprechauns, or aliens
  
• Historically, it could have been a way to explain d3aths of unknown cause in Ir3land
  
• In variations of the folklore the effect is caused by stepping on the gr4ve of someone who has d1ed of famine.
  
• For my stories: Could be a great obstacle for adventurers or an object of scientific study. Could even be used by v1llains as a w3apon, or by the good guys as protection against intruders to the castle.
  

• (this bullet point was flagged but basically described the ways the crown of immortality can be represented)
  
• Indicates the person wearing the crown is immortal
  
• This could also mean they d1ed and have triumphed over d3ath in the afterlife, as it does in ancient 3gypt
  
• In ancient 3gypt it was called “the crown of justification,” and it could be made of papyrus, laurel branches, palm fronds, roses, feathers, or gold (or other precious metals)
  
• The olive or laurel wreaths in ancient Gr33ce instead symbolized victory, knowledge, or societal status
  
• For my stories: I can use any one of these types of crowns as a motif or metaphor throughout my story. For example, the characters could find olive branches in one place and then the v1llain could be wearing an olive crown, if the story has a theme of immortality.
  

• Fl3shfolk — Humans
  
• Faunafolk — Sentient, intelligent humanoids that resemble animals. They can be based on any species of animal (their “kind”) and will have the features and ability of that animal. Subcategories based on type of animal include Furfolk (mammals), Featherfolk (birds), Frogfolk (amphibians), Fangfolk (reptiles), Flitfolk (invertebrates), and Finfolk (fish).
  
• Feyfolk — Fairies
  
• Florafolk — Plant-based humanoids
  
• Fungifolk — Fungus-based humanoids
  

• Smell — mineral and must
  
• Taste — a sour concoction they must have forced down my throat to sedate me
  
• Touch — unnaturally smooth, yet organically shaped stone walls
  
• See — translucent, glassy crystals scattered around the cave walls. They shine dimly but steadily.
  
• My lizard-kind ability, which allows me to sense heat signatures — nothing within range. That means no living creatures of reasonable size are within about fifty feet. This is assuming that the cave walls are thick, but not too thick — that affects my ability.
  
• Hear — … nothing.
  

GarboMuffin wrote:

McUtils category:

(if <> is manager then [] else [])

<is ice cream machine (working v)>

<talk to manager []>

(place order [])

agstgamer wrote:

GarboMuffin wrote:

McUtils category:

(if <> is manager then [] else [])

<is ice cream machine (working v)>

<talk to manager []>

(place order [])

well u copied that?

("[]")

Print("[Hello]" :: custom)

agstgamer wrote:

agstgamer wrote:

GarboMuffin wrote:

McUtils category:

(if <> is manager then [] else [])

<is ice cream machine (working v)>

<talk to manager []>

(place order [])

well u copied that?

That was my post. wait… you should add a python extension!
by the way, add this

("[]")

block to it.
it would be useful like for

Print("[Hello]" :: custom)

.

this person is dumb... wrote:

McUtils category:

(if <> is manager then [] else [])

<is ice cream machine (working v)>

<talk to manager []>

(place order [])

you are very Smart

when green flag clicked
Never
 say [u are so dumb. just learn already. >:)]
end
if <(not followed rule :: Custom) = [Never say that I am dumb just to make me learn new things]> then
Don't listen to (@this person is so dumb...)
Learn new things <not (from (@[this_person_is_so_dumb... v]) :: Sensing)
end
end

The part you thought up?

I was always here, waiting for you to realize that you had me… Waiting for myself to feel like I had you. / So many tales of bravery you read by my bed… Perhaps it is those tales that taught me to distinguish cowardice and cowards amongst people;

Perhaps it is those tales that taught me to distinguish cowardice and cowards amongst people; you are one such craven.

My tears fell, unwiped, with an empty bowl by my face to be filled by them.

As my soul bled, you did not heal me, instead bringing disease into the wound.

Now there is a gaping hole of sadness, eroded like the orange arches that we saw in happy times of our past.

Deep down, of course, you knew that I would never be what you wanted. But you wanted it so bad you didn't care.

It would have been easier if I was more dependent on what others thought, wouldn't it?

You know, they do say, “if you love me, let me go.” I wish that you would let go of your delusions.

You lost the only part of me you had a long, long, time ago.

If you’re doing the D&D campaign with me or Denial you probably shouldn’t read this because there will be spoilers yay. This weekly is about two of the seven main kingdoms in the campaign and it’s the first two kingdoms the parties will go to. I should have done this ages ago since both parties are already in the country but oopsies.

Part 1 (283 words)

Overview
Two neighbouring countries, separated by a thin stretch of sea
They’ve had a friendly rivalry since the beginning of documented history — they still see each other as allies, but they constantly seem to be rooting for the other’s downfall
Tirbain (one of the countries) has a growing economy from its various mines whilst Farcen has a bigger focus on sailing. It has one of the strongest navies amongst the seven kingdoms
The princes of the two countries are in a secret relationship because everyone needs some of that drama in their life am I right

Some fun facts
Tirbain is almost twice the size of Farcen
Both countries are islands. Tirbain is made up of mainly a singular large island, whilst Farcen has various smaller outlying islands
Out of the seven kingdoms (with the exception of perhaps Russ), Tirbain and Farcen are the most industrially-oriented. Many other countries thrive on magic, and Ihawai in particular has an entire economy centred around magic.
Farcen has many explorers and adventurers who sail into uncharted territory in search of new land or riches

Country-specific encounters
Pirate encounters — pirates often patrol the area around the two countries in search of merchant ships sailing in and out of the ports. They don’t dare to get too close though.
Mutated sea creatures — the sea is infested with mutated zombies and other sea creatures. They’re most active during the night and are rarely seen in the day, and it’s still a mystery to scientists why they mutated, and also where they hide during the day. There are certain hotspots for these mutated creatures. Luckily, these creatures are not as dangerous as the ones near Ihawai and Asu, for example.

Part 2 (1014 words)

These countries don’t have any insane gimmicks, because they’re supposed to be the first two countries the parties spend time in.

1
Tirbain is famous for its extravagant galas, with thousands of attendees selected by the royal family. Oftentimes visitors from other countries are invited, and often those visitors include the Farcen royal family. The party have fake invitations to the gala, which they can use to enter. Because there are so many attendees, it can be hard for the security to ensure each person was definitely invited and who they say they are, so apart from a search to make sure no attendees are carrying dangerous weapons, invitees with what seems to be a real invitation are allowed in. However, to ensure the royal family and government officials’ safety, they usually stay in private rooms in the Tirbain Summer Palace. It’s common for the other people at the gala to never see the royal family for the entire night, apart from the king or prince’s speech halfway through.

The gala is where a lot of merchants and socialites network and get to know other rich and important people. However, the party will be here to investigate the location of ancient relics. These relics actually contain the cores of dormant gods, and the “hosts” of each party (the NPCs tasked with accompanying the party through the campaign and leading them towards the relics) want to find these relics to usher in the rebirth of these gods. Basically, the hosts have been corrupted by the ancient gods to help them be reborn. The party goes to the gala since they know many historians and scholars with information about the relics will be at the gala. Most of the attendees will have no idea what the party is talking about, although they will remember the relics mentioned in myths and fairytales. The relics are widely believed to be either lost to time, or just a made up fantasy, but these scholars will reveal that experts in the field actually believe the relics still exist, and that they just haven’t been found yet. They’ll also direct the party to historians and libraries in Hacin, Aerko, and Asu.

Unbeknownst to anyone else, at the gala the two princes start their relationship

2
The party will move on from Tirbain, but they will hear rumours about how the two princes have been sending each other a lot of letters

3
When the party are in Hacin, another kingdom, the country is hosting the annual World Magician’s Conference, and the party are encouraged to visit it. After they visit it, they will be hired by the royal family of Hacin to investigate into various nobles in the country who are suspected of trading illegally and money laundering through smaller shops in the capital city.

Whilst the party investigate the nobles’ homes, they will find notes that seem to detail an attack on a specific building, with floorplans and escape routes marked out on maps. These maps are of the grand hall in which the conference is being held in, but it’s up to the party to figure this out. If they can, they have an opportunity to stop the attack, either by intercepting the attackers at the conference, or destroying their weapons and materials at the noble house. There are also many more secrets to be discovered here, but they aren’t relevant to the Tirbain/Farcen plot.

If the party don’t connect the maps with the conference, an attack will be carried out at the conference, where many attendees will be injured or die, including the prince of Farcen. The nobles who orchestrated this attack are actually members of the upper echelons of the Conclave of Mages, and the conference was targeted since defectors of the Conclave had gone there in disguise to reveal the Conclave’s corrupt and evil intentions.

Note that if the party do attempt to stop the attack, the Farcen prince will not die, but other government officials, leaders, and innocent attendees will still die.

4
Distraught from the death of his lover, the Tirbain prince attempts to revive him with an illegal magic artifact, but instead the dead prince ends up becoming a ghost. The Tirbain prince doesn’t realise this and is grieving alone.

At the same time, a revolution is beginning in Hacin after the death of the Hacin king. The prince and queen consort attempt to rule together but cannot find a common middle ground.

Due to pieces of conflicting evidence planted on the scene, Farcen blames Tirbain spies for orchestrating the attack, whilst Tirbain believes Farcen revolutionaries killed their prince in order to pin the blame on Tirbain.

This is probably a good time to mention that decades/centuries ago, a prophet prophesied a war of all nations, that would encompass powers never seen or documented before, and now many people believe this war is about to begin.

The Tirbain/Farcen arc ends about here. The only other thing the parties can do is speak to the Farcen prince’s ghost to see if they can get more clues about who masterminded the attack at the conference. This will happen if the party have done enough good deeds to become famous adventurers — when they pass near Tirbain they will receive a letter from the Tirbain prince asking for their help. Especially if they completed the Aerko storyline well, since that would have given them a lot of experience with ghosts and they would be well known for dealing with them specifically. The prince of Tirbain will suspect that he is haunted, with recurring nightmares about the night of the conference, things moving around, etc. (he doesn’t know he turned the Farcen prince into a ghost yet) and it’s up to the party to figure out what happened.

If the party saved the Farcen prince from death, Hacin will still begin their revolution and whilst Tirbain and Farcen may not be outright hostile they will still be suspicious of each other. Both princes would have sustained injuries as well as officials from both countries dying.

Part 3 (524 words incl. main body of newspaper)

The noble’s house is built like a maze of winding corridors and damp basement walls and the adventurers hear their breaths echoing around them, hands clammy on lanterns and weapons. They’re lucky no servants are allowed down here, where the nobles hide their experiments and plans, otherwise they would have been found a long time ago.

The paladin raises his lantern to cast a warm and flickering glow on the walls. This room seems to be a study of sorts, with an ornately carved desk and stacks of correspondence, documents, and maps. The adventurers aren’t trying to go incognito this time — in order to arrest the nobles, the royal family have asked them to collect concrete evidence of their wrongdoings — so they each grab a handful of the important-looking papers and slip it into their pockets and packs.

The barbarian sighs inwardly. She wonders how many more secrets like these other nobles and officials might be hiding inside their homes, blatant displays of illegally poached taxidermies and their ill-gotten wealth. And further inside, hidden from the public eye, stand piles and piles of incriminating evidence and experiments. The nobles have become complacent, too used to passing by unnoticed and charming others with their money, to properly conceal their wrongdoings.

A map is hung on the wall, and the paladin narrows his eyes. For some reason, the floor plan looks familiar — the L-shaped building with miles of gardens outside, the grand and curved staircase, but try as he might, he can’t seem to figure out where he’s seen it before. Pins on the map are attached to tags with notes. Entrance, Exit, Diversion, Stage two…

The party can’t make sense of the map, but it’s obviously useful, so they lift it gently from the wall and roll it up.

As they leave the room, the barbarian stumbles, putting out a hand to steady herself, and as she falls she feels the light touch of a tripwire against her palm.

“The next room’s trapped. Quick, run!”

The next day, the paladin wakes to the frenzied shouts of newspaper hawkers on the street below. He scrambles to get dressed before heading down to see what all the commotion is about.

Crowds stand with papers clenched in their hands, reading with wide eyes. The street is busier than usual, high-strung and discontented. The paladin thinks back to the discoveries from yesterday, how the royal family’s officials had grabbed their findings with furrowed brows and dark expressions before leaving quickly.

He tosses the hawker a copper piece before picking up a newspaper.

Part 4 (532 words, swapped with Denial (@CaleMoretti)

1st Day, Sailing Moon, 14th Year of the 6th Dynasty
I have finally arrived at the coast of Eastern Asu.

The journey here has not been smooth sailing, to say the least. Even the Farcen sailors, my brethren on the ship, were stunned by the towering waves and harsh winds. It’s nothing like anything we’ve experienced before, and this crew is made up of the most experienced and hardy sailors I know.

I will note this down. Perhaps this will help me discover the secrets to this mysterious kingdom.

2nd Day
The cliffsides are more perilous than they first appear, and we almost lost a great deal of our party in our attempt to ascend. The rock here is deceptively solid — as soon as you put any weight on it, it begins to crumble and crack. It almost seems as if it would dissolve.

3rd Day
We’ve found our first settlement!

It’s just on the horizon, and we can see the small silhouettes of houses, castles, and fields. The Asu architecture is particularly interesting — they build in a very geometric way, all sharp edges and ninety degree corners.

Our sorcerer thinks we can get there before sunset. I hope so — Asu is a very cold country, especially at night, where the temperature drops suddenly. It’s so cold, it feels as if you’re being haunted. Not a recommended holiday destination, in my opinion.

4th Day
We didn’t end up getting there before sunset. I think we underestimated just how large this country is. The land can stretch on for dozens of miles, with no human in sight.

It would have been good if we could have made it to safety earlier though. For some reason, the plants attack in his country. Our rogue got a faceful of poisonous pollen, and almost got dragged off by a trailing vine. We’ve managed to stabilise her, but this plant must have some particularly potent or exotic poison, because none of our antidotes are working.

4th Day, Evening
Good news — we’ve found some antidote for our rogue. She seems to be recovering well, although we’re wary of any unknown side effects.

Not so good news — this entire village seems to be deserted?

I mean, it doesn’t look to have been abandoned for long, if it has been abandoned. In some rooms, there’s literally food set out, ready to eat. It’s still a bit warm.

Nobody dares to touch any of it though, because the entire situation is really quite unsettling. Where has everyone gone?

5th Day
We found out where everyone went.

In the night, we were woken by the screams of our companions. Turns out, this is a village of ghouls, and they weren’t happy to see us.

About half of us managed to escape into the forest. At least here, if you keep away from any odd-looking plants, you’re probably fine. We don’t know where the others are, and I don’t dare to re-enter the village until we’re definitely sure it’s bright enough to dissipate the ghouls.

This is a terrifying country. Is it just a country of undead ghouls, roaming the country for unsuspecting travellers and survivors?

Someone take me back to Farcen. Please.

◪ Noͦ 8
Wordcount: 458/450
Topic: Blackout poetry
Points: 500+150 for proof
Cabin: Dystopian-Xenofi love child

(To read easier, think of the capitalised sentences as new paragraphs, and the sentences with commas before them as continuations)

Poem I
Necessity

I know how hard it is,
I'm going to do a much harder thing
The pale eyes looked,
mouth moved dryly but made no sound
Maybe an hour will live,
the only remnant left of you
I have the choice,
it is my blame
Marked with guilt out of himself,
almost more than he can bear
Crush him with rejection,
don't crush him
Leave him alone with your guilt,
give him your blessing
A terrible brightness,
closed them,
kept them closed
A wrinkle formed,
help him,
help him,
help him
Give him his chance,
let him be free
A man over beasts,
free him,
bless him,
Shake under concentration,
quick with effort
Slowly lifted,
lifted then fell back
Face haggard,
moved to head and wiped
Damp closed eyes,
lips form his name
Sick weariness,
failed and tried again,
filled and filled and filled,
Whispered words that hung in air,
his eyes closed,
he slept.

(154)

Poem II
Contradictions

As much as I remembered it
Before you got to it
Of text dealing with the Prince
This wedding and that child
The child who skipped the chapter
How about the history
How about the country
How about the place in the world that I flipped
I knew he wasn't writing
Yet he wrote and wrote and wrote
The decline of the monarchy
The action, the good parts
The serious side all
About two, yet for a dozen years
Never any phone calls, I don't understand
To wait till you are sure you are alright
Six rings just after war
A good idea to use just the good parts
Yet skip the narrative, skip them all
Leave the good parts, leave them all
But skip the action, the serious side
It's two in the morning, yet a dozen
All shocked and surprised
I am but an idiot
It is only eleven
…You mean now?

(154)

Poem III
Second place

Felt the Thrill
Euphoria of contest
Secret edge seen just right there
Furious to share such an intimate feeling
Who are you?
Stumbled and slipped and drooped
Grab the rock lip but dangled too close
Felt the Thrill
Shift to Mercy
Mercy whispered straight through smoke
Scraping the rock and hitting the bottom
That was the kill, the victory
The descent was reckless, the climb gruelling
Managed to run, but slower than he
No more in red to stop
The Thrill came in a rush, overwhelming
Why sit back?
Pain must remind you of mercy to hate
No expectations, sucked up light
Come back again
Only to glow down
A diamond chip made of wilted leaves
Audible sighs of the bottom, safe
But not, never, audibly sighing
Thousands of tiles, but only one
Could ever be a diamond broam
And the Thrill is not enough
to be at the center.

(150)

hello hello! This was a really interesting piece, and I found myself really enjoying reading it. GREAT JOB! Most of my notes here are pretty nitpicky, but since I don't know how to be subtle they seem huge and you-must-do-this-or-it-won't-be-good :sob: so don't mind that, keep in mind the fact that I loved it regardless of these things!

The first thing I noticed was a little case of telling-not-showing— especially in the first two paragraphs. Sometimes that's fine, when it's weaved in alongside other action, but it's hard to be captivating while the only thing we're reading is straight facts. It's such a great concept already, but it needs a bit of substance!

Here's a quick example! It should be pretty similar to what you've already written, but I changed it up a bit so you can come up with your own things ;D

“When I met Melanie, I was standing in the park. Sweat was dripping down my neck, and I was suffocating inside my fleece-lined jacket. She sidled up next to me, asking if she could borrow my phone to call for an umbrella.

There weren't any clouds in the sky, and the weather forecast predicted only sun.”

You're telling a story, so make it a story.

On a less critical note (I feel like I sounded so harsh eep which is weird because I actually really like this writing :sob: apologies for that), I'm really interested in where this story's going! The future is always a good topic for a story, no matter how you spin it.

Onto the third paragraph! I really like your writing style here, especially the word choice. ‘Weaved’ and ‘deeper’ are great words for this context and really help you envision the scenario!

The examples are all right here, but I feel like they could be improved a bit? True, germs are dangerous, but maybe include some heavier examples, ones that could affect more of their life? Like, what friends to make, what places to go to, what books to read?

I love the bit of foreshadowing that starts here ehe, with the slight hints that perhaps this ‘gift’ is holding them back more than keeping them safe… very cool stuff ;D

I love the places the story is going in this next paragraph! I feel like the wording could change slightly in some of the sentences, such as ‘as her warnings became more frequent’ instead of ‘as she grew less subtle’ maybe? Or ‘not even the people who loved me recognized the good she was doing for me— they scoffed and called it unnatural, said it’s not actually living if you're not letting yourself be happy' instead of ‘People didn’t seem too thrilled about it'; similar to the first two paragraphs!

I seriously love the foreshadowing and hinting and denial and sdfghjkl weaved in here, it's perfect :>

Similar things with this next paragraph! Maybe give some examples as to how they tried to protect them, compare it to how her ‘guardian’ protected her.

Barely any notes on this next paragraph! I especially love the last bits. The first sentence might benefit from a bit more detail (e.g. ‘Eventually, my parents became concerned, too— attempted to keep me away from her, tried to explain that she was holding me back)! If you decide to do this, it would be fun to add in a ’just' to the next sentence as well. I really like this paragraph, though, so these are just suggestions, feel free not to listen to them :-D

No notes until ‘And… the worst part?’; this bit could (take note of that ‘could’— this, similar to earlier, really isn't necessary for this part to be good!) be changed up a bit to be more monumental! For example, 'And the worst part was… (line break) The worst part was that I knew it was fake. Of course I did.'

No notes for a few sentences after that! (bleach forum emoticons </3)

Theeen maybe change up the wording of ‘People kept telling me it was stupid…’ and so on! Showing not telling again here <3

That would be until ‘it wasn’t that bad' :-)

No notes from them until ‘again, no big deal!’ Those parts are great, love the wording :0

Maybe try changing this to a sort of reason to why it wasn't a big deal? Like, ‘It was for my sake. It was because of her I was safe… right?’

And then after that the switch feels a bit sudden! They just said it was no big deal, but then they say it was all a trap. What prompted that change? Why is it a big deal now?

AND THEN WE'RE DONE! YOU'RE FREE FROM MY CRITIQUE! I loved the ending sdfghjkl it was great, perfect finishing sentence :>

Overall, great stuff! I loved the foreshadowing and hints woven through the beginning, and the middle felt like the right amount of suspense (that feels like the wrong word but I can't think of another :sob: oh well) and debate for this story. Then the ending had me smiling hugely because it just felt like the right amount of wrap-up but it still wasn't quite satisfactory because of the vague, not-exactly-happy ending? So all in all, yay ehehe great job <3

Sorry about the slight ramble factor in this critique :') this is what happens to me on summer break…

Part I : Notes

• magic is freely accessible to the public
  
• the method of magic is by drawing a magic circle with intricate patterns depending on the spell and it is completed by the addition of the specific magical substance required for the spell, as well as an incantation.
  
• these substances can be common or rare, and are applied on a magic circle in form of powder or liquid which is sprinkled.
  magical substances are controlled strictly in trade by governmental organizations, and stored in herbariums / apothecary shops and distributed from there. every purchase is logged.
  
• some people are born with the ability to cast magic without drawing their own circles or using substances! these rare people are called magicians/mages.
  
• mages usually require an object to channel magic (such as staffs). they use innate magical power from their own bodies but can do much more powerful magic - it can drain them, however. little by little.
  
• mages are incredibly rare and a powerful asset. almost all mages are rich and work in important positions. the most revered mages are those who write the very grimoires themselves.
  
• but as precious official mages are, the more terrifying mages who exist in the shadows can be.
  

Part II : Planning

Part III : Story

Part IV : With partner (@.pyr3ite)