SWC Megathread ࿔*:ଳ･ March 2026

129waterfall

extra challenge for a cabin war!
423 words

The Mouse, Elephant, and Lion all stood in a triangle. “Well this is quite a standoff, isn't it,” boomed the Lion.
“Why yes it is,” the Elephant replied, nervously glancing to his left.
"Well what ever do we do now?“ sarcastically quipps the Mouse, darting his eyes from the Lion to the Elephant.
”Well don't you dare stomp on me,“ retorted the Lion, glaring at the Elephant and tossing her mane. ”Then you're left alone with this here Mouse, and we all know he'd out smart you any day. Not to mention you're just a complete scaredy cat.“
”Then I'm the one who should be making the calls,“ squeaks the Mouse.
”Oh please, I could hunt you down in an instant,“ growls the Lion.
”Oh but then, you'd be stuck with the Elephant, who will have nothing holding him back. You can't kill me, because then there's nobody to save you!“
”Well- well- then I could say the same thing to you, Mouse!“ stutters the Elephant, desperate for some control. ”R-right now, I could step on this Lion for you.“
”You already know you shouldn't do that,“ purrs the Lion.
”R-right - why should I, if you're just going to scare me away after? And if you try to scare me off, then it's just you and Lion, and I think we all know who wins that battle.“ The Elephant retorted, nervously fiddling with his trunk.
”Then I suppose we're at a standstill,“ Mouse says, slyly. ”Meaning you two won't mind if I just slip out, right?“
”OH NOT SO FAST YOU TINY ONE!“ The Lion roars, stopping Mouse in his tracks. She leans in to Mouse, who is now shuddering. ”You aren't leaving here alive until I'm out of the way of the Elephant.“
”Right, right, of course-“
”B-but I'm not leaving while that mouse is still here!“ The Elephant sputters. ”So we're all stuck here!“
”I've had enough.“ Lion rolls her eyes. ”Can't we all just leave? It's almost sunset already.“
”How about we all just back away slowly on the count of three?“ Mouse questions.
”Fine.“
”O-okay!“
”Alright. Three…“ The animals look nervously around at each other. Deep breaths. ”Two…“ Each prepares themself to step. ”One!" They each take a quick, cautious, step backwards, followed by a slow retreat until everyone was at a safe distance to turn their backs. The unlikely gathering had saved at least one of them today, if not all of them. So now, it's until next time for the Lion, the Mouse, and the Elephant.

Last edited by 129waterfall (March 7, 2026 03:12:49)

129waterfall

626 words i will distribute among the wars

This is me writing five hundred words as fast as currently possible for a war to be completed! I usually try to put off ranting because it's less “useful” to me. Basically it's not productive towards the work I need to get done and it's not as creatively stimulating. Despite ranting and writing your stream of consciousness being a very healthy thing to do, I don't need to be doing as much of it in one day as I do in cabin wars. It really is a day for me to reflect on myself! My current reflection on myself is that I need to cut my nails, because I can feel them getting in the way of me typing this as fast as I'd like to, and I also have a long orchestra rehearsal tomorrow, and it would be helpful for that. Anyways, back to the original topic, it isn't as productive as I can be to rant like this. But… it is fast. Every single time without fail it is the fastest writing method that I revert to for cabin wars, because it gets the job done. This is especially the case when there are not as many people online and I occasionally have to solo wars. Then, it's about keeping the points and writing the words, not about being productive. All that is why I try to hold off on starting rant writing as soon as possible, because once I start I usually don't stop, it's just so fast and overpowered hehehehe. Unfortunately I have only done one (kind of two but not really) productive bit of writing for this. I want to do another small bit about this assignment about a historical woman, and write the audition project, but both are high thinking level requiring. (Yes I started to write that, realized I was writing it wrong, but then didn't want to go back and fix it, so I just added words until it kind of made sense even though it really doesn't.) Both won't give me many words, though. By the way, pro tip for just boosting the amount of words you write, which I just realized I have not been following very well so far, separate contractions like it is a formal piece of writing! It does not seem like it will do much but I promise it adds up a bit! Every word counts, they are all points! Also I think I am almost done with this section because from experience I know five hundred words usually takes up around a box in the forum writing box. If that makes sense. It takes up one box but you can write more because the box can actually scroll. Before I finish up I would like to give a major shout out to the amazing eevee who gave us this easy war. Oh what's that elephant? You just escaped a stand off with the dreaded scary mouse? I don't understand why you're so scared of - oh, um… well this is awkward, the mouse is here too. Well let's wait and hear him out. Oh my gosh, mouse, you were just about to tell me about it too? Well maybe you two should be friends instead of being scared and scaring each other! …I don't care that the scaring is fun for you, that's still not very nice. Oh wait, that would ruin the balance with the Lion, though. Wouldn't it be funny if she showed up here right- what was that knock on the door? Look, Lion, I do not have any more of that mane gel for you. Oh yes, all the other animals are in my house too. Alright this is enough words, yes that was to complete the challenge.

VioAquaCat

Word Wars Eleven : CYBERPUNK VS DYSTOPIAN

172 words - 4 min - “How long have you been watching me?”

“How long have you been watching me.” My voice felt scratchy, cracked and thin. Lynex just stared at me, not responding. I wanted to scream. Cry. Fight. Do something.
But I couldn't. I was frozen in place- not by anything real, but by my own body. My thoughts were coming slowly, and I could feel my mind getting foggier and foggier. “How long.” I repeated, dully. At last, Lynex responded. “Nearly four months. I’m sorry Ruby. I’m so so sorry.”
I shook my head, the very action making me dizzy. “H-how? Why?” I wanted to shout, but I couldn't. The words came out as a whisper. “So you’ve been watching me from the beginning?”
Lynex nods, looking guilty. In that moment, I hated him. I hated him more than I had hated anything before. It hurt to hate him so much, but I couldn't help him. Was anything we had real? Or had it all been just for the charade?
These were my last thoughts as I faded into unconsciousness, and the

AWritingCheerleader

Critiquitaire Entry!
Words: 943

“Don’t be scared, the sea hasn’t eaten anyone for a long time,” Deryn said, skipping towards the water’s edge.
“How long is a long time?” Enna replied, eyeing the dark and frothy waves.
Deryn stepped in, stirring up the sand, “Pretty much forever. At least a hundred years.”
“Right. And you know this because…?”
“Everyone knows! Mermaids are just a story. A myth. I go swimming all the time.”
“I see. Then why haven’t you waded further yet?”
“It’s cold today.” Deryn lifted her chin, challenging Enna. “Come in, it’ll be more fun together!”
Enna swallowed hard. Everyone on the island thought mermaids were a myth, but Enna’s father had always taught her to believe in them. He used to be a sailor, when that kind of thing existed on the island, and he swore he had seen them. Empty-eyed and beautiful, pale, slender arms and seaweed hair reaching out towards him through the waves. Her mother had barely been able to convince him to let Enna and her brother learn to swim in a little lake when they were young.
“Don’t ever risk it. No one is more cunning than the sea,” he used to warn.
But everyone knew that when her father’s boat had crashed and his head slammed against the sharp rocks of the bay, he went crazy. Her reluctance to go swimming didn’t seem to be helping her peers believe she was any more sane than him. Still, it was hard to shake the uneasy feeling the sea had always given her. Her heart was beating in her ears so loud she couldn’t even hear the rush of the water on the sand.
“Fine,” Enna hiked her white skirt up to her knees, ground her teeth and cautiously dipped a toe into the water.
She let out a shaky, relieved breath, the tension in her jaw dissipating. She stepped forward again. Deryn laughed and took a few more steps at a run, the hem of her light summer dress dragging gently atop the surface of the sea.
Enna had to admit the soft waves felt good. She hardly ever got to stand in water, let alone the Endless Sea, with the cool current pushing gently across her overheating skin. She stepped forward again and felt her feet sink into the sand. Fog curled over the surface of the water, making it look for all the world like clouds on a darkening sky. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. She closed her eyes and smiled, tilting her head back to the sky to breathe in the salty air.
The water seemed to rush faster, churning and bubbling as though Enna was holding a shell to her ear. She was finally relaxing, finally realizing that standing in the sea felt good.
“Deryn,” she said, eyes still closed. “Thank you for convincing me to come out here, after all this time.”
She didn’t respond. Maybe she was dipping under the waves. Enna almost laughed at her friend's bravery. Even though she was standing knee-deep in the water for once, she didn’t think she would ever have the courage to dip completely under.
“Deryn?” Enna opened her eyes and was met with silence.
She couldn’t see Deryn anywhere. All she could see was a scaly, iridescent sparkle under the waves. A trace of something her father had always babbled about. Mermaids.
“Deryn!” Enna cried, eyes frantic.
She ran back to shore, and she could’ve sworn she felt something nipping at her ankles, hands reaching out for her. Panic pushed her forward until her feet met the burning sand. She whipped back around and saw Deryn’s hand reach up above the surface. Her face broke through too, her golden hair waterlogged and her sapphire eyes panicking as she gasped for breath. Gleaming fins flickered in the sunlight as they surrounded her.
“Enna!” she screamed before she was pulled under again, the words garbling and warping as they met the water that seemed to last forever.
Without hesitation, Enna sprinted back through the shallow entrance of the Endless Sea and dove into the waves. She hadn’t swam since she was little and the muscle memory had been lost to time. She now stood no chance swimming against the current. She would never get to Deryn. Enna fought with the waves for what felt like an eternity, until she could barely break above the salty surface for air and the sea disappeared into endless, freezing depths beneath her. Her eyes were growing itchy from the water, so itchy she could hardly see. With a start, she realized her feet could no longer feel the bottom.
A flash of seaweed hair appeared beside her. Opalescent scales covered her vision and there was nothing she could do for Deryn. Nothing Deryn could do for her. Everything went black.

***

“Are you sure about this? Didn’t the mermaids claim their last victims only a decade ago?” Navy said, his nose twitching as it always did when he was nervous. “Deryn and Enna? I learned about them from my friends at school.”
“Don’t be silly, Navy. Mermaids are just myths. No one I know has had any problems swimming in the Endless Sea,” Palmer scoffed.
He took another step forward and Navy scurried to catch up. The sun had barely broken over the horizon, making their escapade seem all the more daring as Palmer lit the way towards the Endless Sea with his dripping candle.
“I’m just nervous,” Navy said in a small voice.
“I’m your older brother; I’ll protect you.” At Palmer’s promise, Navy straightened his back. Palmer continued, “Don’t be scared, the sea hasn’t eaten anyone for a long time.”

Last edited by AWritingCheerleader (March 30, 2026 23:33:31)

129waterfall

word war 5 minutes no prompt penguin-vibes

I am now writing this random rant because I need as many words as possible for cabin wars, so I decided to use word wars as motivation! It's a way for me to possibly earn more points, well, if I write enough, while also motivating me to successfully write lots of words in a short amount of time. I want to do that because I have to finish up this four thousand five hundred word war by myself, and I have seven hundred words left! By by myself I don't mean I'm the only one who helped, but I do mean that I'm the only one around to finish it. This would be fine except for the fact that our shield will go down in a little bit, and I don't want to be focusing on two wars at once as the only one online, so I'd like to get this one knocked out before we get a new one. That being said, I also just want to finish quickly for the sake of it, then I can relax for a bit longer before writing more! I should really be writing my history assignment instead of writing rants like this with no prompt but I don't really care, because I need the words and I need them fast. Remember when there used to be a fifty headed hydra extra challenge? Maybe there still is and I just missed it because I didn't read through the extra challenges all too closely. That one was fun but I was alway super close to finishing it but not quite. That's because my wpm is closer to a hundred when i am typing pre written texts that are in the typing test. However, I am a lot slower than that when I actually have to think of the words to write. So I average out my wpm for word wars at ninety even though it varies upon what I'm writing. For example, I think these unprompted are my best work because I really don't have to think about what I'm writing as much as I do if I'm writing, say, a story. I just write down what I'm thinking, and usually my hands are a bit too slow to keep up with my head, but that is okay because it is still pretty close. I just made a spelling error and added a v, I will go back and fix that after the war is over because it is bothering me. Oh look, I do know how to spell because right, so why did I add a v to the other one? I digress. I really do just talk about the most random things. Speaking of, I was just making the vocal vanguards projects for another part of this war but being more productive, and I saw the studio thing in my old studio, which I realized happened to like every single studio, but only like ten times. Wonder how they did that, is actually kind of impressive even though i don't endorse it.

129waterfall

total here is 1,106!

theory: I am so good at these right now because I want to write the words fast to get to sleep faster lol

Attempt #1 532 words I am SOSO speedy today!

it is time for me to attempt another fifty headed hydra because I absolutely smashed it the first time when i had a five minute unprompted word war, but this time it is actually the extra challenge! I believe we get points whether we complete it or not, because it's hard and it is a speed based thing, but it would still be nice to complete it. I am also attempting not one but two of these fifty headed hydras because I want to write a thousand words towards this two thousand word war, maybe more if sophia cannot write towards it, so I really need to lock in and just get it done as soon as possible. That part is maybe possibly because it is very late at night slash early in the morning and I really should go to sleep soon, but I waited for this one last war to be sent so I could contribute to it before going to sleep. I really like being helpful and my version of that is writing a lot of words to save us during cabin wars! I have already written over three thousand words for cabin wars. Last time in march I wrote over twelve thousand words for one cabin wars, which is a lot if you ask me! It was also like half of my word goal lol. Now that I think about it a lot of my words come from cabin wars, it's just that motivating. That's also how my brain works, I can only really do the work if I'm on a time limit, otherwise my survival mode brain does not process the urgency of the situation and does not see it as a current problem that needs to be solved, and my brain instead jumps to otehr more current things that it needs to think about or do. I am getting close to maybe four hundred words here, I think I am on a decent pace for the hydra but I need to speed up a little, which is a problem because my wrists are really getting tired considering how late slash early it is and the fact that I already did one of these and wrote like three thousand words. All typed. What else can I write about, I don't usually run out of ideas like this, especially at such a critical moment. This second hydra is going to be so painful because of my wrists maybe I should take a small break after this one to help me be more successful on the second one. Although logically I just will not be as successful on the second one because I will be tired from this frist one. Which I guess was the point of the break in the first place but I digress. A small break probably won't be enough anyway. Also I did watch a minecraft video before this instead of writing at a more normal, slow pace, so that is on me. However I guess this way I am able to get more done? But if I didn't do that and just locked in in the first place I could've slept earlier. Oh well.

Attempt #2 529 words - so close to the pr i just set lol

Attempt number two feeling great because I absolutely smashed that first one, it was even better than the first word war I did! No pressure to get this one too but it would be insanely cool to have three attempts successful today and be three for three this cabin wars, especially because I've gotten so close but not actually completed the hydra in the past. I am doing this again without a real break because I really just want to be done and can just add on a couple words at the end. Chances are by the end of this I have enough words to finish my thousand. I don't even really need to be a thousand perfectly. But I probably will be at least a thousand because I wrote thirty extra on the last one, which means I can have a more average for previous sessions hydra for me, and it will still be enough. So even with my wrists being tired from the previous go, I think the adrenaline and motivation will carry me. That and the fact that this doesn't even matter at all if I finish so it doesn't matter and I am just writing about this because it is a good subject to write about and is helping me write faster which will help me get to sleep faster. Ouch my wrist my left wrist just got into a bit of pain which means I should really stop after this, good thing I will be! Shoutout to sophia for taking the other half of this war because I have been up at this time soloing wars like this, some even way bigger than this one, and it is not that fun, it's more just a task than a fun cabin war! However this has been a great cabin so far. Also shoutout to toko for warring us with a decently easy two thousand word war, I really appreciate it because it is a lot easier than the four and a half thousand that chocolate was trying to give us. She would've given it to us if she didn't have the wrong time for our shield going down, which was honestly such a blessing because now I only have to write a thousand words instead of, say, two and a half thousand. And I don't have to really worry about this completion because it shouldn't be too hard for someone to finish, especially with me starting it like this. I don't quite know if I am on pace for the hydra but if I really lock in for this final minute I might be able to have another win? I am really not sure tho it is quite close and I doin't know if I can push. We push through anyway. It has been a very productive cabin wars for me so far, which is really great! I have done a bit of ranting like in this these two hydras here, one word war just like the hydras, and one other short thing to finish the war, but I have also finished some history homework and ALL of the vocal vanguards stuff which is major.

Decora-Lizeus

Word War!!
5 min, no prompt
278 words
WAR WON

I sat down and smiled. This was a good day. Usually every day is good, but today was very very good. I stood up and started to walk right. The sun was shining. I decided to go south, to the beach, to relax a bit more and enjoy the summer. As i arrived there, the waves were really tall, and the wind was strong. I ignored it, and put my things down on the sand. I was tired and it was still warm, i would get plenty of opportunities to rest. But the waves were now stretching taller and taller, looking scarier and scarier. So I went closer to the water and put my hand in it, to see if it was warm and what was going on. But then an absolutely horrible thing happened. This water seemed alive. It all pulled towards me, and transparent hands seemed to stretch out towards me. I had nowhere to run, the water was now fully on the beach and I was trapped. It was ice cold. It was swirling around me, securing my legs to the ground and stretching its fingers up and gripping my hands, weighing down and holding me. It was terrifying. I felt I was losing my balance, the water was pulling me in. I tried to scream but a cold wave reached out and shut my mouth. I fell, fell head first into the cold black abyss and lost all connection with the world. Everything was a swirling, screaming void, ice cold, throwing me around. I have no idea how long it lasted, it was torture unmanageable, I had no clue if I even was still

Decora-Lizeus

Random cabin war writing:
Setting description
It was a low valley in the northern Europe. A beautiful place, yet one that few people had seen. It was surrounded by rising slopes then turning into shear cliffs on all sides. A spring of icy clean water burst out of the ground and flowed in a gentle stream, parallel to the mountains. The whole place was covered with flowers. Soft golden marigolds, pinkish lilies, blue crocuses and bright red poppies. From afar, it looked like an explosion of colours, like someone had spilled glitter into the valley. From up close, you could see all the different leaves, with varying shades of green, textures and shapes. There was just one thing, one imperfection that seemed to make the whole place ever so slightly eery. There were no trees. Not one in sight. The mountain sides were lined with occasional low berry bushes, but they were so insignificant in size that they were barely noticeable. The whole valley was just flowers, black cliffs and a blinding blue sky. No clouds in sight, the sun itself was barely visible, the valley a constant, eye draining explosion that, despite it's beauty, hurt the eye and clouded the mind after too much time.

silverlynx-

Critique

838 words

Hi there! I can’t wait to complete my first critique of the session, so let’s get straight into it!

“So we believe that The Evil will strike here, and here.” said Sella, my best buddie, pointing to the map. I am part of a group we call the Evil chasers, we try to catch the Evil , a sorceress who is causing trouble in our home, the Kingdom Of Destiny. We have had two sightings of her, two battles, and one ruined camp. But the thing is I know more about her than I let on. “So will we defeat her today?” My other companion, Tya says, I sigh “No not today, she probably knows what we are talking about right now.” That part is true because, I… Never mind, “So what is up Adiamus?” Stella asks me, I respond with an, “Uh, Nothing.”
“Realy, because something is up, and I know,”
“No, I am fine.”
“Just tell us if something is up, OK.”
“Okay.”

Ok, so first of all, I can notice quite a few grammar mistakes, which I’ll try to point out as I go along! In the first bit of speech, you state the word “here” twice but I think it would flow or just sound better if you say it three times. This might not fit with the plot, but it’s just a little suggestion, so you don’t need to do it! After this you misspelt Stella without the ‘t’ <3 I think how you describe Stella as ‘my best buddie’ sounds a little informal or childlike for the ‘Evil Chasers’ so maybe ‘my best friend’ would work a bit better?
I really like how you explain about the Evil Chasers and the Kingdom of Destiny as it gives a real clear view of the landscape your story is set in! I think right at the beginning of your explanation you could change the grammar a little bit. You state “I am part of a group called the Evil Chasers, we try to catch the Evil,” however I think it would work better if instead of a comma, you could use a semi-colon as you are trying to explain, not add onto the original statement.
When Tya starts speaking, you word it as “Tya says, I sigh,” followed by her speech, which is a little confusing as usually you would have the person speaking right before their speech, but adding in Adiamus right before her speech confuses it a little.
I really like the part of Adiamus’ point of view “because, I… Never mind” however I don't believe you need the c0mma because it breaks up the flow a little bit?

And then Stella asks “What is up, Adiamus” and then you use a comma instead of a full stop, which again makes the flow a little bit confusing and almost monotone? That sounds really harsh sorry <3 I also don’t think you need a capital on ‘nothing’ and you also spelt ‘really’ wrong! I realise I have been pretty harsh here, but it’s mainly to do with grammar, not the words themselves and I’m really enjoying it so far! ^^

That is when Tya coughs, “So are we planning, or what?” I try to smile, “Yes.” that is when Stella grins ear to ear and says, “Did you remember when The Evil trashed our camp while Tya and I were arguing, This is almost like then!” Now I stop smiling, The Evil is a hard topic for me for some reasons… But those don’t matter now, “I hope this works out for us.” I say. That is when I feel the tingling sensation take over my body, the sensor goes wild, and that is also when Tya shouts, “The Evil is near, Time for battle.” I look around desperately, “I have the cramps again I have to sit this Mission out,” I whisper “Go get her you guys.” Tya promptly run out, but Stella stays and asks, “You had cramps last time?” I sort of smile, “Maybe it is my way of telling if The Evil is near?” She gives me one last look before she dashes out of the tent. As soon as no one is in sight I run out of the tent into the woods, a place where nobody can see me change, yes change soon I feel my conscious fading and I know, She is coming

Again, I will be mentioning grammar a lot, but I’ll try to be less in-depth with that and simply just list it!
I’ll mention the actual writing first! I really like the dialogue at the beginning - it’s very… human? I can’t think of a word, but it’s really good! I really like your use of ellipses to show Adiamus’ internal conflict - not me sounding like an English teacher and I’m mentioning grammar again!!
When you describe Adiamus running to the woods, I again think the flow is a little stilted? Maybe you could have the ‘Change, yes change soon’ in italics to show that it is her thoughts?
Now onto grammar! I don’t think you need to pluralise ‘reasons’, I don’t think you need the second capital in ‘Time for battle.’ I’m not going to list everything, but just watch out for using too many commas where they shouldn't be and capitals in the middle of sentences!

I know many things, but I can’t figure out the when, why, and how about Adiamus. I know When Adiamus gets the cramps during battle, but I don’t know the Why or How, all I know is that she gets cramps before battle, speaking of battle Tya is facing off with a dark figure, not the Evil but I am charging toward the spot where she is said to be, and I cannot stop thinking about Adiamus, her nice light brown hair with the light blur streak, her skirt, her beautiful shirt. Stop thinking about her! We are in the midst of battle I need to focus not think about her, so i focus on facts I know about the Evil, she has long wavy hair that is pinkish-purple… and that is all we know.

Again, I’ll start off with the writing! I love the dual POV - this helps you really get a sense of the situation from both sides and does introduce a lot more context! I really like how you use the ‘When, why and how’ which again, gives it lots of context. However, you don't capitalise them in the first sentence, but you do in the next one, which is just a little confusing!
Ok, I am getting into the realms of grammar now!
So I already mentioned the capitals, but there are a few more to look out for like ‘i focus’ instead of ‘I.’ When describing Adiamus, you describe her hair with a ‘light blur streak’ when I think you meant blue? You also need to look out for using commas when it should be a full stop <3

For now I try to focus on the shadow/girl in front of me she is… sort of familiar, Then the flash backs come, I'm in a room… people are dancing… the ladies all have ball gowns…then someone screams… and I feel as a bullet loges itself in me… and then I black out. When I come too I am in the tent, laying on my bed, both Tya and Adiamus looking down at me with worried expressions, “We where so worried!” Adiamus exclaims when I open my eyes, “We thought you where wounded! We thought you would die!” As she said this Adiamus looked ashamed.

I really like your use of ellipses again to convey the distorted and confused place that Stella is in. I think you should simply say ‘shadow girl’ or ‘shadow of a girl’ instead of ‘shadow/girl’ as this seems a little informal for fiction writing? After ‘me’ in the first sentence you should have a full stop and have ‘she is’ as a new sentence. Look out for saying ‘where’ instead of ‘were.’
Now I’m going to talk about formatting!

I think it would be a lot easier to read if you put speech on separate lines a little more - I know you do for some of it, but not all of it and it makes it quite hard to read!

Thank you so much for letting me critique this! I loved reading this and sorry about how much I ranted about grammar - we had SPaG lessons every week in primary school! I can’t wait to read more of your writing <3

Last edited by silverlynx- (March 7, 2026 11:05:20)

Lyrids-

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‹ Back
ᛝ SWCharacter Swap - WIP
Weekly #1 › xxx/1400 words › xxx points
Link to the original post

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Part 1: Character Sheet ᛝ 216/200
Name: Alyssa Reynolds
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Pronouns: She/her
Job: Astronaut, works at ISA (International Space Agency) (it's a fictional agency)
Appearance: Alyssa is a woman with somewhat tanned skin, dark brown wavy hair, and brown eyes. She is quite tall.
Personality: Alyssa is really kind and caring, and she's an extrovert. She enjoys talking to people, laughing and making jokes. She has gotten used to high expectations and pressure, and she's a perfectionist, but she also expects a lot from other people sometimes, which can make working in a group a bit hard for others and for her. However, she will never disappoint you if you trust her. Alyssa can also be a bit impatient sometimes. She is also really curious.
Likes: Alyssa loves engineering, technology, aeronautics, and anything related. She enjoys puzzles (even though she rarely has the time to do them, and doing puzzles in space isn't a great idea). She likes all kinds of animals and enjoys learning about them. She also loves listening to music. Lastly, she loves ice cream and is always willing to try a new flavor.
Dislikes: She hates people who don't treat other people or animals as they should. She never enjoyed learning about history.
Other: She lives in the future. She was born in 2175.

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Part 2: Character Moodboard ᛝ 120/100

Why these pictures?
Futuristic city: Alyssa lives in the future. A future with huge cities and tall skyscrapers. Not the far future, though, so no apocalypses, AI taking over the world, or extreme climate change everywhere. But… Who knows? ;D
Astronaut, and the Earth seen from the Moon: It represents her job: she's an astronaut, and she loves her job.
Cat and dog: Alyssa loves animals, and she loves both cats and dogs. She would never pick one.
Puzzle: She loves doing puzzles and solving all kinds of challenges.
People chatting: It represents her extroverted-ness. Alyssa enjoys chatting with friends and socializing.
Engineering and rocket: Because Alyssa loves engineering, technology, and aeronautics. The rocket is also related to her job.

⋅ ────── ‹ ⨳ › ────── ⋅

Part 3: Character Swap ᛝ 341/500
Swapping with @xXFierroOrFalafelXx (link)
TW: implied d34th.

Another day had begun for Ksietek Wosotwonje. It felt quite repetitive. She had been doing the same every day for hundeds of years. But at the same time, every day was different. Every soul she had met was different. Every face, every voice, every word ever spoken in the Road and in the Afterworld, was different and unique.

Ksietek scrutinized the horizon, her bright yellow eyes moving from one side of the Road of Souls to the other. It was deserted. No one had come yet that day. As always, she had a lot of time to reflect, to think about everything.

She didn't remember anything before she started guiding souls to the Afterworld, and honestly, why would she want to? She didn't miss that part of her; she felt as if she had always been guiding souls and comforting people. And in the Afterworld, money or status didn't matter. Ksietek had probably met famous historical figures, maybe presidents or rulers, but she treated all the souls equally.
Instead, she wondered about the future.

Would she learn anything she didn't know before that day? Meet a curious soul the next one? Live an unexpected adventure the next week? The unpredictability of the events, even everything that occured in her, at first, monotonous life, fascinated her.

But there was one question, that one question she couldn't stop thinking about. Was her life infinite? Would she ever die, like all the souls she had guided and all the ones she will eventually meet? If so, what would happen?

Something distracted Ksietek from her thoughts. She could see it clearly, in front of the sky: a dark silohuette, approaching her. She stepped forward, her bells making ringing sounds. As the silohuette walked towards her, the guide could appreciate the details of his face and his clothes. He seemed sad, hopeless, lost.

Yes, the same thing that happened every single day. But Ksietek, fully committed to her job, was ready to help him, and guide the man to a world he had never seen before.

⋅ ────── ‹ ⨳ › ────── ⋅

Part 4: Character Meeting ᛝ 0/600

⋅ ────── ‹ ⨳ › ────── ⋅

Last edited by Lyrids- (March 9, 2026 21:06:56)

sweetcakefamily

Critique for Meagain7

Hi Archae! First of all, I love that you're doing Christian fiction

) I aspire to weave my faith into my stories too! The piece you sent is so whimsy and fun, right off the bat it gave me the cosy vibe I gt reading classics like Narnia or The Secret Garden, and I love that! I hope your book goes well.
Just to preface my critique, they're generally light suggestions, so take the advice however you will! Without further ado;

Right off the bat, the opening is really fun. I like how you gave the setting its own character of sorts, in the way that the different people react to Field running!
I've noticed some potential grammar corrections, so I'll jump into those:

The dog seemed to be a small, maybe shepherd dog, with silky white fur…

I stumbled on this sentence a little bit, something like “The dog was small, perhaps a shepherd dog, with…” would work better, or at least anything that isn't ‘a small, maybe shepherd dog’, the sentence looks a bit broken that way.

It could sure run.

“It sure could run” sounds more grammatically correct here, as it would emphasize that Field runs fast as opposed to emphasizing the ‘potential’ that Field could run

Field, the puppy dog, turned around the corner. The boy followed, but as he turned around the corner, there was no sign of Field.

This part feels a bit redundant/wordy, you have ‘turned around the corner’ twice in quick succession, so maybe vary the word choice a bit here.

When Theo's about to cry, ‘tears started to form in Theo’s eyes' is more correct, rather than ‘on Theo’s eyes'.
I like this part, by the way, where Theo is like “Why couldn't he be like the other boys?”, it shows his character really well!
Also, with the ‘small white puppy on his arms’, ‘in his arms’ is better in this situation.

“Thanks, Marcos! How did you find him? And catch him?” Theo said.

I think either ‘find him’ OR ‘catch him’ is fine, or it's a bit redundant, and perhaps you don't need the dialogue tag here since we know Theo is speaking ^^

…noticing the tear marks on Theo.

Add ‘on Theo’s face' here, that would make more sense

I think you don't need ‘The boy corrected after a bit’ either, but that's just me being a bit nit-picky :'D

I guess I forget all that.

This was probably a typo, but *forgot instead of forget is grammatically correct here.

Also, it's very interesting that Halifax is being called Marcos instead, why is that? :0

One final note, the descriptions really help the reader to paint a picture in their mind of the characters and the scene, but they're in rather ‘info-dumpy’ ways, where you have a few sentences simply describing the character, which I know tends to pull readers out of a story a little. (E.g. the description of what Field looks like at the start. Or when you read Theo running after the dog, calling to it, and then it's almost interrupted with a short dump of info on what he looks like. Or when Halifax/Marcos first appears.)
Some ways that have helped me avoid this is sprinkling in SOME details of what a character looks like when it's important/relevant throughout the story, if I really want to paint a picture of the character in a reader's mind rather than let them make up the character's appearance themself.
Quick example: when Field first appears, maybe if you did something like this:

“The dog was small, perhaps a shepherd dog. But as small as it was, it sure could run.
It ran past the shops, its silky white fur quivering in the wind.”

See how I dropped a light description without breaking the pacing of the scene too much? Something like that!
Same sort of thing with Theo's description, maybe you could mention his stoutness and/or the boots he's wearing as he's running, then later add in his honey coloured eyes (perhaps “His honey eyes filled with tears” or something like that when that scene comes), just know that the entire description of a character doesn't have to come immediately! Sprinkling it works well

Oh, also, only picking out the most important feature(s) in the moment/features the POV character would notice, which also shows the character of the person! Like I love how you mentioned Halifax had nice shoes, which is something Theo would notice! Keep that!

Obviously you can take all this advice as lightly or heavily as you want, there's never completely hard and fast rules in writing and everyone has different writing styles! <3
I hope this helps! I really love the concept of your story, good luck! I hope it goes well

736 words

──── ౨ৎ ────

PIECE I SENT (This is an excerpt from my weekly 1 part 3 :))

'The light of kindness you shine in this world doesn't go unnoticed :)'

Hugh slipped the marker between his teeth to free a hand, tearing off the bright yellow stick-it note and plastering it against Raena's locker. He moved down a few doors to stick a different message on Axel's, reaching into his mind for something unique that would touch his heart personally.

'Your art is spectacular, never stop creating :)'

The green stick-it note claimed its home against Axel's locker door. Hugh scanned the message for a quick grammar check, then found himself mirroring the smile of the little face as he thought of his classmates reading the encouraging messages across their lockers.
Footsteps and voices floated into the hallway, sending Hugh jumping away from the lockers and the stick-it notes hiding inside his pocket. He took a breath to relax his shoulders and slowed his pace as the voices floated through.
“…Hugh—he can do it.”
He jolted at his name and the voice that spoke it.
What?
Hugh spun round, and caught the countenances of a small party light up—Jackson, Rowan and Olivia, with Callum beside them. His group project companions.
“Hugh!” Jackson waved as they closed the distance between them.
“Uh, hey- what's up? You said I can do what?”
“Oh, the research and writing for the project,” Jackson pointed a pen at him. “It's due tomorrow, remember?”
“Olivia prepared the slides, and we've done some of the groundwork,” Rowan added. “But you're the best at this part, after all. We thought you could handle it. Right?”
“Oh…for tomorrow?” Hugh's mind flashed to a distinct image of his diary, where he'd scribbled down the day's itinerary checklist with half eaten toast in his mouth before having to rush out for school.

7:30am—3:00pm - school
4:00pm—7:00pm - store shift
7:30pm - help neighbor
8:00pm - help mom clear garage
9:30pm - homework
(TRY to) sleep earlier for once ??

Oh boy.
“You can handle it, right?” Olivia nodded expectantly.
Hugh blinked, eyes drifting to Callum. His eyebrows were furrowed. Concern.
Be careful.
Holding back a sigh, he flashed them all a smile. “You bet.”
Jackson's grin broadened, and he slapped Hugh on the back. “My guy!”
The chimes of the bell signalled the end of school, and his companions started to disperse.
“See you tomorrow,” Olivia called as they turned away.
Hugh gave her a thumbs up, before glancing at Callum who remained unmoved with an intent gaze still trained on him. “You sure, man?”
A smirk tugged at Hugh's lips. “You know, I have 3 best friends—you and Noah are number one, and number two is caffeine.”
Callum narrowed his eyes at Hugh's laugh, shaking his head wryly. “Make sure not to overdo it.”
“You can count on me,” Hugh glanced back. Students were filling the halls, his usual cue to slip away before they found their little messages.
“See ya,” he held up a fist to his friend, and Callum bumped it with a nod, the crease in his brow easing as he made his way to his locker.
In a quick glance Hugh found Raena holding her note at her locker already, and lingered just a beat to catch the surprised smile that lit up her face before he shrugged on his bag and strode away, refusing to lose the anonymity. He clung to the warmth that spread in his chest.
At least that would keep the darkness away for a time.
A vibration hummed against his back midway down the next hallway, and he tugged down his backpack to grab his phone. A text from Noah flashed on the screen.

'You still coming to the lake?'

Oh! Right.
He ran a hand through his dark hair, further aggravating its dishevelled appearance. His thumb hovered over the keyboard, mind racing for a response.
He took a breath, and typed a quick reply, before stuffing the phone into his pocket.

'Need to stop by home first, but of course

'

675 words

Last edited by sweetcakefamily (March 7, 2026 21:17:51)

129waterfall

510 words rant

This is me absolutely sprinting five hundred words again because nobody else in my cabin is online but we got the war where two people have to write five hundred words. This would be fine but the war is over in four hours, nobody else is up, and I have to get up and go to orchestra rehearsal soon. Therefore I am attempting to speed run this in ideally less than five minutes, but realistically, just around five or six minutes. Notice how I avoided saying six or seven there like a pro by being a very speedy typer. Which is ironic because right now I'm actually typing quite slow and need to lock in. I really wish I didn't have orchestra so I could further lock in on swc, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. And, frankly, if I didn't have orchestra rehearsal, I would have to go to a choir rehearsal instead, because there is one of those going on at the time too. Don't get me wrong though, I usually like choir rehearsal. Also, it's still the ideal place to be at not just because it's fun, but because it is shorter than orchestra rehearsal. Unfortunately I am not quite keeping pace to write five hundred words in five minutes, it would seem I would be closer to doing it in six or… no. I must not say it. I cannot quite tell though because I am not using a stopwatch - or really timer - like I usually do when I am actually attempting a hydra or a word war, so I can't tell where I am. I honestly don't quite even remember where I started. Gosh darn it my alarm clock just went off again. I should really put it on sleep, I think I've just been pressing snooze which is why it went off like three times. After I do this, I just need to hope the rest of the cabin wakes up to carry, because Alana's easy war was actually invalid. Alana gave us the twenty four hour war, which was nice and merciful of her because she realized that like nobody was online. Many people have made a friend in fantasy this cabin wars! I appreciate it. Chocolate on the other hand, has not. I think I am going to heat up a cinnamon roll to have in the car after this. I made cinnamon rolls last tuesday when we had a snow day, and they're honestly delicious. Why are people going downstairs, it means they will walk by my door and probably question why i'm typing like this oh no. Oh well it is okay we stay on the grind because I need to leave in five minutes and I'm probably less than a hundred words away from where I need to be at this point. If I just write a little more, like. omg did somebody die. no surely not. lol somebody lost something and they are looking for it. This should be enough now. Yeah someone lost his glasses lol

Rey_venclaw

First Name: Charlotte

Last name: Fischer

Gender: Female

Pronouns: she/her

Nickname: Charlie

Age: 7 years old in 2017 (Born 2010)

Place of Residence: Upstate New York

Occupation: 3rd grade student at an alternative elementary school

Race and Ethnicity: Mixed race, Black African American mother, white British father

Sexuality: Straight

Species: Human

Physical Traits and Characteristics: Slight, just shorter than average height for her age, warm, light brown skin, frizzy brown hair, big golden-brown eyes, round face, full lips.

Personality Traits: High energy, outdoorsy, athletic, creative and artistic, a little bit reckless, very much second born child energy, is almost always either playing an instrument or listening to music, short attention span, impulsive, probably has ADHD combined type but isn’t diagnosed.

Strengths: Creative, out of the box thinking, fine motor skills, athleticism, good memory for things she’s interested in, very sociable, high social emotional intelligence, loves intensely, very positive and optimistic, great artistic and musical skill, has a good sense of her personal style, loyal, perceptive

Weaknesses: Struggles to focus on things that don’t interest her, is almost never able to keep to a schedule, rarely sets long term goals and is always focused on the present moment, easily startled, emotions like fear and anger upset her greatly.

General outlook on life: Slightly nervous but optimistic

Friends and Familial Connections

Mother: Maureen Prentice
Gender: Female
Nickname: None
Age: 38 years old in 2017 (Born 1979)
Place of Residence: Upstate New York
Occupation: Nurse
Race and Ethnicity: Black, African American

Brother: Zachary Fischer
Gender: Male
Nickname: Zach
Age: 15 years old in 2017 (Born 2002)
Place of Residence: Upstate New York
Occupation: 10th grade student at a public high school
Race and Ethnicity: Mixed race, Black African American mother, white British father

Father: Lincoln Fischer
Gender: Male
Nickname: None
Age: Passed away in a car crash in 2017 aged 37 (Born 1980)
Place of Residence: Upstate New York
Occupation: Marketing Manager
Race and Ethnicity: White, British

Maternal Grandmother: Lisa Prentice
Gender: Female
Nickname: None
Age: 64 years old in 2017 (Born 1953)
Place of Residence: New York City
Occupation: Retired Middle and High School Teacher
Race and Ethnicity: Black, African American

Best Friend: Jenna Holt
Gender: Female
Nickname: None
Age: 8 years old in 2017 (Born 2009)
Place of Residence: Upstate New York
Occupation: 3rd grade student at an alternative elementary school
Race and Ethnicity: White, Russian immigrant

Sworn Enemy: Mackenzie Cash
Gender: Male
Nickname: Mack
Age: 8 years old in 2017 (born 2009)
Place of Residence: Upstate New York
Occupation: 3rd grade student at an alternative elementary school
Race and Ethnicity: White, unknown ethnicity

https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1286160665/

These nine images represent the life of Charlotte “Charlie” Fischer, age 7. The first image represents her school, which is a warm, vibrant, colourful space just like this picture, and is a place Charlie very much feels at home in. The second image is one of stickers that reflect her personality and represent her creativity. Charlie is rarely if ever found without stickers of some kind in her bag waiting to be used, on her face, in her hair, or stuck randomly on schoolwork that didn’t strictly need stickers. She is also often one to gift stickers to her friends. The third image is of handmade sun catchers, also an illustration of Charlie’s creativity but in a different way. These are the sorts of decorations that adorn Charlie’s room, house, and classroom at school. Not all of these are made by Charlie herself but a lot are, and her mom makes a point to keep as many of them as she can. The fourth image represents Charlie’s love for music. Charlie is almost always listening to music or making her own. You can expect her to more likely than not have an instrument in her hands. She knows at least the basics of playing many instruments but by far her favourite is the guitar that she got passed down to her from her dad’s side of the family. It’s one of her only connections to her dad’s side of the family because many of them either died when she was young or don’t talk to her dad and by extension her anymore. The fifth picture is a picrew of Charlie made with the Maddel Picrew! Highlights to notice here are her silly expression, her cherry earrings, the fact that there’s fish on her shirt, and the overall green aesthetic which is Charlie’s favourite colour. The sixth picture is of a butterfly, which is here because butterflies are Charlie’s favourite animal. She draws butterflies on everything, dedicates many of her art projects to butterfly related creations, and can always be reliably expected to chase after any butterflies she sees. Sometimes she even wishes she could be a butterfly for a day or two. The seventh image is of trees and the sky, and this picture has a twofold meaning. The first is simply that these are Charlie’s favourite colours, the bright sky blue and the forest green. The second is a representation of her outdoorsy nature. Especially in the summer when the world is these two favourite colours of hers, Charlie is always outside. She doesn’t really enjoy many traditional sports but is more than happy to go running or hiking or biking if it means getting to experience nature. The eighth image is of a golden retriever puppy because Charlie’s family has one and Charlie loves him so much that she will not hesitate to tell you as soon as you meet her that she has a puppy. His name is Hamlet (named by Charlie’s retired teacher grandmother) and Charlie knows he’s going to be her best friend for a long time. The ninth and final picture simply represents Charlie’s origin as a side character in a Marvel Cinematic Universe fanfiction — But don’t feel trapped by that! Feel free to put her in any world you see fit.

moosywoosy

╭── ⋅ ── ⋅☆⋆ ☾ ⋆☆⋅── ⋅ ──╮

{ w o r d w a r 3 : w a t c h i n g m e }

↳ “how long have you been watching me?”

─── ⋆⋅☾⋅⋆ ───

There’s something behind me, but I can’t tell what it is. A pair of unsettling eyes lay on the back of my head—are they real? Are they human? Am I simply imagining things? But now isn’t the time to linger. If someone’s watching me, I’m in danger.

So I run, I keep going. Step by step, walking with careful steps, yet still picking up my pace. I just need to make it home. I just need to get out. Just keep going. Run. RUn RUN RUN. Where am I? Where was I going again? Home. right. Home. Oh god I can’t think, what’s behind me? Is there anything there at all?

“How long have you been following me?!” I scream as I turn around. But no one was there, only my shadow was left there. Was I imagining it?

The eyes are gone, so I turn around, but I only feel eyes on me again. What’s happening? What am I hearing? What is this feeling? Will it fade away with time? There’s something behind me and I can’t outrun it, and it’s watching me. But there’s nothing there. Is it just a trick of my mind?

I can’t stop repeating myself, I only can push my foot forward. I’m running down the street and I didn’t realize it. There’s a panicked stream of thoughts through my head, but I ignore it. I just keep going. Where am I? I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.

Keep going, keep going, a voice in my head screams. The eyes that bore into my back don’t waver, they keep staring. Harder and harder. I keep going, I keep running. I can’t understand what's happening. What’s there, what’s there? I want to glance over my back to check, but that'll take too long, I can’t reach the end. Is this street getting longer? Where am I to begin with? Who’s there?

I turn around again, not caring for the loss of time. “Who’s there?!” I repeated my thoughts, but no voice called back. Instead, an eerie veil of darkness and silence. I can’t remember where I am again. Why do I keep doing that? But there's nothing behind me. The feeling is gone, but I know it’ll be back when I turn. I keep running, ignoring that feeling. It will go away. It is not real.

But it keeps getting worse

─── ⋆⋅☾⋅⋆ ───

➻ 396 words

╰── ⋅ ── ⋅☆⋆ ☽ ⋆☆⋅── ⋅ ──╯

Last edited by moosywoosy (March 8, 2026 02:40:58)

ChueyTheCat

Cabin War Prompts || xx words

Your character is a secret agent working for a mysterious organization, but after facing a moral dilemma, they have to decide whether to help the “enemy” or not. Your challenge for this is to write it without using a letter of your choice

Your story is set in a futuristic world where androids live alongside humans, although they look like walking bananas because humans didn't want them to be too indistinguishable. Terrified of a dystopian-like outbreak, humans have put restrictions on robots that are meant to prevent that from ever happening (including the compulsion to burst into song every time someone gives them a new task)… but what happens when the robots start to feel that those restrictions are unfair? Your main character is a robot banana struggling against their programming, which has led them to perform a series of increasingly ridiculous actions, and has to decide whether to remain loyal to their programmers or go on strike. Write at least 250 words towards this prompt, and for your challenge, involve a flaming mango somehow

Your main character is a wizard who can summon ice cream from other dimensions. Unfortunately, sometimes other things come through, too… like the human from our world who was still holding their bowl of ice cream when he summoned it. How does the wizard send them back — or not?

Your main character has just been told they've been diagnosed with a disease that isn't life-threatening but will require them to change their diet and lifestyle to manage the symptoms. How do they cope with this?
Your main character is a barista at a popular cafe chain. Some days at work are boring… and some end in irate customers opening a portal to another world in the middle of the floor because you got their order wrong. Your challenge for this prompt is to include at least one animal in your writing

An ancient prophecy proclaims that humans will only be saved from the evil sword-wielding chickens when a warrior with the mark of the Fox destroys the Coop. Unfortunately, while the mark of the Fox is powerful, it's also extremely unpredictable, and things go a little cuck-coup ;D Write at least 300 words towards this prompt, and for your challenge, everything your main character says has to rhyme

icebunny11

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

◪ Word War 3
Wordcount: 445
Person warred: moosywoosy
Win/Loss: Win
Prompt used: How long have you been watching me?
Time: 5 minutes
Cabin: Cyberpunk

part 1
part 2 !
part 3
part 4

How long have you been watching me? That should have been the question Christy asked the man following her, shouldn't it have been? But no, it had already been half a year, and she was so sure that their infatuation had grown stronger. He was practically like her guardian protector, wasn't he? He followed her wherever she went, and he made sure that anyone else who tried to follow her, too, always disappeared. She was never scared whenever she was with him; she had no reason to! He was honestly safer than anybody else she could imagine.

These past few weeks, she'd gotten even more notes in her bedroom and on her desk. Some even directly on her pillows that lay where she slept- cute ones with pictures of her in public settings. She never knew somebody would use her as a candid model! However, did he manage to make her look so pretty? He was so quiet that she didn't even notice when he snapped the pictures of her; that's how good he was! He must be some sort of ninja, too, then. She never saw him unless he was directly behind her on sidewalks; however, that was also the issue. She wanted to see him way more than what she got to. He got to see her all the time, didn't he? And she so graciously let him follow her as well- she could have easily listened to other people telling her not to keep up with this behaviour, to tell them if she was scared and she needed help. It was really, really, REALLY irritating, and it was driving her crazy. Nobody could even tell they were a couple! Christy needed to see him more than he saw her. The attention was driving her crazy. Why couldn't she reciprocate his love? That's all she ever wanted to do!

Today, she got a note on her laptop while staying up late to study. Truth be, she wasn't really focusing. All she was thinking about was her beautiful man, who always wore dark colors. Hmm, maybe dark was the color that was recommended to him during a color analysis? Maybe that's why it was all he wore? Maybe he wanted to impress her, so he didn't show his face because he was self-conscious! That thought made her laugh. She could never find him anything but pretty and caring and kind.

Im watching you, came the message on her laptop. She blushed and kicked her feet with joy. Oh, was he really? Wow, so late at night? Just for her? She looked out of her window to find him standing up and staring at her.

Last edited by icebunny11 (March 9, 2026 19:30:18)

-NightGlow-

Sparks from the Past

Scene 1: Backgrounds are the insides of Wise Lady’s house

Wise Lady: Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a King, who had twelve daughters; each of them possessed unimaginable riches and power, as their father had no son. However, when it came time for the oldest princess to marry, the prince who came to the kingdom quickly noticed that every morning, the shoes of the princesses were worn through, as if they had danced all night.

Soon, the prince was given an ultimatum by the King: if, in three nights, he could find out how and where it was that the twelve princesses danced, he could pick any one of them as his wife, and he would become the heir to the throne; if it remained a mystery, he would be executed. Many men tried in vain to find the secret of the Twelve Dancing Princesses, each one failing, one after the other.

Now, we come to the beginning of our story: one winter’s day, a soldier too wounded to fight wandered through the woods of the kingdom of the Twelve Dancing Princesses, and approached a small cabin inhabited by a very old, very wise lady.

Wise Lady: So, tell me, what brings you here? It’s not everyday that I find someone wandering around these desolate areas.

Silas: Well, I was relieved from the army when I was wounded in battle, so I’ve simply been wandering. I don’t really have a destination in mind… although, I have heard the story of the Twelve Dancing Princesses, and I wouldn’t mind being King…

Wise Lady: The Twelve Dancing Princesses, you say? Anyone in the kingdom would tell you to think twice… except me, that is. In truth, it isn’t a hard task if you have the necessary information. The only trick to it is to ensure that you don’t drink any of the wine the princesses give you, for it is a sleeping draught. Find a way to make them believe you drank it, and then pretend to sleep. And here… here is a cloak of invisibility, guaranteed to work. Put this on once you see where the princesses are going, and follow them. That is where my knowledge ends — hopefully it will bring you far enough. Let me just write this down on a piece of paper so that you can remember my advice.

*Wise Lady hands the piece of paper to the soldier*

Silas: I cannot thank you enough! Thanks to you, I’ll be King in no time.

Wise Lady: Don’t be too sure of yourself; the princesses will no doubt have more tricks up their sleeves. Sleep here for the night so that you are ready to head out to the King’s castle tomorrow morning.

Wise Lady: When morning came, the soldier bade the wise lady goodbye, and started his journey to the castle using the map and compass that she had given him that morning. Deep in his pocket was the piece of paper with the advice. A certain time after, the soldier arrived at the king’s castle.

Scene 2: Backgrounds are the King’s hall

King: Who dares come here in my kingdom, unannounced?

Silas: I am Silas, son of Phillip, and I wish to attempt to find the secret of the Twelve Dancing Princesses.

King: Very well. Give this lad some of our finest clothes to change into, royal robes if I may say. After that, please escort him to his room. There you will find everything you need for the next three days. Bear in mind, Silas, that if you fail to complete this mission, I shall behead you myself.

Silas: The deal is sealed.

King: *Whispers* We’ll see if he succeeds in the mission. I doubt that he will. But, I should be thankful that yet another one is risking his life. *smirks*

Wise Lady: With that said, Silas was taken to a chamber of the Twelve Dancing Princesses, where a bed was ready for him in a small room cordoned off by walls, as if he was expected. The room was empty at that time, for the princesses were not yet home from their riding excursion. Later that evening, after Silas had dined alone in the room, looking over the instructions given to him by the Wise Lady, he heard some giggles down the hall, and hid the note.

Scene 3: Backgrounds are the princesses’ chamber

Amira: Oh! We have another guest! *whispered* Who’s going to be dead in no time… *full voice* Vera, fetch him a drink!

Vera: Yes, of course sister.

Wise Lady: Vera rushed to the room next door, and fetched a wine bottle. She poured the wine into a glass, and hurried back to the chamber.

Silas: Your hospitality is welcomed and greatly appreciated. I left my baggage in the sitting room; I’ll quickly retrieve it.

Amira: Oh, we have servants to take care of that! Take a drink, take a drink.

Silas: I must be excused now, my fair ladies, for my bandages require changing.

Amira: Drink the wine, soldier. Drink the wine.

*Soldier drinks a small amount of wine, holds it in mouth*

Silas: There. *exits the room*

Vera: A stubborn fellow he is… Amira, shouldn’t we be worried?

Amira: Oh, he’s probably nothing to worry about. Let us get a move on! We mustn't let him see us. Sariyah! Where are you?

*Sariyah enters the room*

Sariyah: I was just talking with Father. He wanted to discuss details for my banquet next week. I can hardly wait!

Amira: *whispers* None of us got a banquet for our 18th birthday, except you…

Sariyah: Sorry? Did you say anything Amira, I didn’t hear you… *innocent face*

Amira: Oh no, just muttering about how we must get going. The Soldier will return soon.

Sariyah: The Soldier? We have another one trying to figure out where we go? Amira… we could be caught this time - we shouldn’t push our luck!

Amira: Why do you always worry? We are about to go soon.

*Princesses start to head down the stairs, Sariyah stops*

Sariyah: *sighs* I forgot to change into my dancing shoes. I’ll head back up on my own, and join you in a minute. Don’t leave without me!

*Sariyah runs up the stairs, rummages around, searching for her dancing shoes; finds them, then sees the cup full of wine; touches the cup, then pulls back*

Sariyah: Why not? I’m thirsty, so I should be able to have a drink… it could be left for me, anyway. Who knows when we’ll be back… a little sip can’t hurt, can it? No reason why it would.

*lifts up the cup, about to drink it; Soldier whacks it out of her hands, Sariyah screams*

Sariyah: Who are you, and how rude of you?! What are you doing here?

Silas: Shh, shh, be quiet… they’ll hear you.

Sariyah: Guard! There’s a stranger in my room!

Silas: Shh! Don’t be worried, and, for heaven’s sake, don’t scream! I’m assuming that you are one of the princesses?

Sariyah: So what if I am? I’m asking who you are.

Silas: I am Silas, son of Phillip, and I am attempting to find the secret of the Twelve Dancing Princesses. I am sure that you know what might happen if I do not.

Sariyah: *scoffs* You’ll never survive.

Silas: I’m sure I won’t. But it’s worth a try… I’m too wounded to go on without any proper treatment, and the only good doctors in this kingdom belong to the King.

Sariyah: Well, then. It still doesn’t explain why you knocked that glass out of my hand!

Silas: You don’t know why? I assumed that you were all in on the secrets.

Sariyah: What secrets? They tell me everything… your little tricks aren’t going to work on me.

Silas: *rummages around the bed, pulls out note* You see this? This was given to me by a wise old woman on the forest edge. Read it for yourself.

*Sariyah reads note*

Sariyah: This is ridiculous! How do I know that you didn’t write that nifty note yourself?

Silas: *takes perched sparrow on the windowsill and pours the wine down its throat; sparrow starts to sleep* Is that enough proof for you? And what about this? *takes cloak of invisibility, disappears*

Sariyah: I don’t know how you’re doing it, but this must be some kind of black magic.

Silas: It is not, I promise you. I speak only the truth.

*eyes lock, a moment of silence*

Sariyah: Well then, I must be on my way. My sisters are waiting for me. They’ll be suspicious if I don’t arrive soon… It was good to meet you, Silas. *blushes*

Silas: It was good to meet you as well… *chuckles* I still don’t know your name.

Sariyah: *hesitates* Sariyah. I’m the youngest of the sisters, so naturally, I get into the most trouble.

taylorsversion--

critique for isa ⋅ 351 words

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hi isa!! here's your critique - i really loved reading your work! please don't take things personally if my critiquing is a bit direct- these are all just suggestions, and i think your writing is already great as it is <33

“Don’t be scared, the sea hasn’t eaten anyone for a long time,” Deryn said, skipping towards the water’s edge.
“How long is a long time?” Enna replied, eyeing the dark and frothy water.

i love the opening line!! to add a bit more variety to your choice of words, maybe you could replace the last ‘water’ with ‘waves’ or ‘sea’ or something like that, instead of repeating the word water!

Deryn stepped in, stirring up the sand, “A long time. Pretty much forever. At least a hundred years.”
“Right. And you know this because…?”
“Everyone knows! Mermaids are just a story. A myth. I go swimming all the time.”
“Right. Then why haven’t you waded further yet?”

same goes here, with the repeat of the phrase “right.” deryn answering “a long time.” also feels a little unnecessary, because it doesn't really answer the question, just repeats it. i like the rest of what he said, though! for the line “I go swimming all the time”, maybe you could add italics or an exclamation point or something, just to add a bit more emotion to the line :)

Empty-eyed and beautiful, reaching out towards him through the waves. Her mother had barely been able to convince him to let Enna and her brother learn to swim in a little lake when they were young.
“Don’t ever risk it. No one is more cunning than the sea,” he used to warn.

aaah i loved this part!!

But everyone knew her father was crazy, and her resistance to go swimming didn’t seem to be helping the case for her sanity among her peers

i feel like there should be some context for why her father was crazy, and how everyone knew- and maybe a better word for ‘resistance’ in this case would be ‘reluctance’? <3

cautiously dipped her toe into the water.

i thought this part was great, but the wording of ‘her toe’ could make the reader think that she only has one toe, or is holding a toe or something… xD maybe change that to ‘a toe’ or ‘her toes’!

let alone the Endless Sea with cool water pushing gently across her overheating skin.

might be worth adding a comma after Sea!

Fog curled over the surface of the sea

since you just used the word ‘sea’, maybe replace it with ‘water’ this time, so things are less repetitive? i'm loving the personification though!

“Deryn,” she said, eyes still closed. “Thank you for convincing me to come out here, after all this time.”
She didn’t respond. Maybe she was dipping under the waves. Enna almost laughed at her friend's bravery. Even though she was standing knee-deep in the water for once, she didn’t think she would ever be able to dip completely under.
“Deryn?” Enna opened her eyes and was met with silence.

i loved the imagery in this part!! it felt so nostalgic for some reason, too - in a good way, of course :D

her hair golden waterlogged

aah this part was so gripping!! i think you might've meant ‘her golden hair’ instead, though?

he had learned to swim in a small lake when she was young

this line is a bit unnecessary since this has already been mentioned :>

She would never get to Deryn. She fought with the waves for what felt like an eternity, until she could barely break above the salty surface for air and the sea disappeared into endless freezing depths beneath her. She could no longer feel the bottom and her eyes were growing itchy from the water.
A flash of seaweed hair appeared beside her. Opalescent scales covered her vision and there was nothing she could do for Deryn. Nothing Deryn could do for her. Everything went black.

omg i loved this!! you write really well! there was a little bit of an overuse of the word ‘she’, though - maybe replace the second one with enna? (so it would be “Enna fought with the waves…”)

No one I know has had any problems swimming in the Endless Sea”

oops, you might've forgotten a full stop/period at the end of the sentence there!

The sun had barely risen over the horizon making their escapade seem all the more daring

perhaps adding a comma after ‘horizon’ would make the sentence flow better

“Well don’t be. I’m your older brother. I’ll protect you,” at Palmer’s promise, Navy straightened his back. “Don’t be scared, the sea hasn’t eaten anyone for a long time.”

jaw dropped. i LOVE this ending!! i think you captured the idea of the daily perfectly - the story was so thoughtful and captivating!

Last edited by taylorsversion-- (March 7, 2026 23:22:59)

spr1ngt1m3summ3rrr

critiquitaire for @EvaEvergreen ~

Hello!! Here's critique for your writing piece; I hope it's helpful!!

The sword was heavy in my hand as I slashed through vines and cobwebs. I hoped I would never have to use it against someone.
But my opponent might not feel the same.

Always try to avoid having the word ‘but’ start a sentence, since it's a word that is made to come after a comma, not to start a sentence. just a small grammar tip ^^

It was good to have it. Just in case.
I felt my foot thud into something hard, and suddenly I was flying. The wind whistled past my ears and the ground came rushing towards me all too soon.
The impact shook me to my bones. For a moment, I was too rattled to get up.

I feel like the description here is slightly confusing. I mean, I think I understand that she's falling, but I feel like you could be a bit clearer on the fact that she's falling, because to me it seems more like she trips on something and floats through the air a bit and then splats on the ground.

No. I ignored the way my hand throbbed and my head hurt. I had to go on.
For a moment, I considered switching to the treetops.

I can understand this, but some people may not. I think you could say maybe 'For a moment, I considered switching to running across the treetops instead of just ‘switching to the treetops.’ Still amazing though!

I shook the thoughts away. I needed to focus on myself, on getting there at all, before I worried what my red-cloaked rival was up to. Lost in my own thoughts, I barely noticed where I was going before the tree appeared out of nowhere.

I think maybe you could make it more clear that that ‘flash of red’ she saw was her opponent, since to us, the flash was just some movement from something in the woods.

I groaned, pain coursing through my body.
Why did I have to be so darn clumsy?

I feel like adding in the word ‘darn’ doesn't really fit the stressful and intense situation the character is in.

Hazel withdrew it, unfazed. “So, Lydia, why are you looking for this magic book?”
“Orders from my queen. I assume the same for you?”
“Nah, I’m no noblewoman. My mother thinks it would be good for her healing business.”

I feel like in the dialogue isn't very clear of who' speaking each dialogue. Try to always put some type of ‘so and so said’ after dialogues.

“Welp, here we are! This should be the place!” Hazel said about twenty minutes later. She plopped me down in some moss and started searching for mysterious books.

Maybe the transition from Hazel picking her up could be a bit smoother, like ‘after a bit of being carried through the woods, we reached our destination’ instead of using a dialogue and then using transition words even though the scene change already happened.

There was an obvious choice here.
But . . .
“Hazel? I think I found it.”

Now this is a spot where a ‘but’ can start a sentence!! I know I said earlier that you should never start sentences with the word ‘but’ BUT (haha im so funny sure sure sure) there are occasions where it does grammatically work to have it start a sentence.

Overview: This was an amazing writing piece!! I think what I generally was saying is try to be a bit more descriptive of what's actually happening, not just descriptive using other words that complicate the scene instead of detailing it. I hope this helped <3

Zyzeryko

for starunicorn_5

But now, looking around her, she knew what was really ideal. The green– there was SO. MUCH. GREEN. The trees were real. And looking down, she was standing on actual grass. She knelt down to touch it. It was soft. And it wasn’t synthetic. In that moment, a world of sensation burst through her brain. It was pointy and the ends, damp and lithe under her fingers. With her other hand, she reached up into her ear, where there was a solid black chip. With a tap of her fingers, her vision lit up with text. She thought as loud as she could, GRASS, and a tutorial popped up.

Grass is a common component of the Earth’s surface (see more: Earth) It has many forms (i.e. lemon grass, ryegrass, fescue, etc…). This particular grass is the most common, found in woodlands (see more: Woodlands).

This was the basics, and then there was a whole page of extra information. She tapped her brain chip, and the setup shut down. Suddenly, a kit was dropped in front of her. She looked up– her mother, staring down imperiously at her.
“Xaine. Help us set up, would you?” she asked. While the camera crew handled the more technical parts, Xaine started to set up the lodges. She just had to take a tent, then press a button. The messy pile of synthetic material would inflate into a dome shape, then harden. She did this for all of them (six, in total), and stepped back and admired her work.

“Thank you,” said Mai. “Can you wait in the spacecraft for a while?” Xaine wanted to protest, but complied. She leaned on the metallic walls and stared up at the pointed ceiling. This was so different from outside. There, everything was soft and colorful and wild. Here, everything was strong, silver, and quite neatly constructed. Her mind was whirling, and there were so many things going around. She’d seen plants before, grown from pits of soil. But it looked strange on a lush background rather than a dusty red one. Or was it the Mars setting that looked strange?

About twenty minutes passed by, with Xaine flicking through information on her brain chip.
“We’re ready,” Mai poked her head inside, and Xaine bounced outside. “Now, tomorrow we’ll be starting studies, and I don’t want you to get in the way.” Her mother was frank, and brisk. She’d never heard of dilly-dallying. “It’s best if you turn into the tent.” The Sun was beginning to set. And Xaine knew that this could be deadly, but she squinted at the Sun. And she… didn’t die. The Sun was bigger. It was almost more beautiful too, in a way, blending into the horizon before it split into a thousand rays of light.

Xaine blinked her eyes as a flare of pain blast up her head. Maybe she should turn in for the night. There would be SO much to do tomorrow! She skipped into her dome, and chose a comfy corner to curl up in. Her body felt heavier than usual, like there were bonds around her, tying her to the ground. Was this gravity? She blinked her eyes awake, determined to do a bit more research before going to sleep, but the heaviness pulled her under.

She woke up at 7:00AM, her allotted time. Her mother would have woken up exactly half an hour ago, and she assumed the camera crew would too. That was the setting for a Tuesday for adults. While she rubbed her eyes and pulled herself upward with the speed of a eCadt 2000 (they took AGES to load a simple simulation!), she heard a noise she’d never heard before. It was sharp, like the slap of cold water in her face. It was bright, it was musical, it was pretty. She darted outside the tent, about 10 versions faster.

Ooooooo I like this a lot! You do a great job making the scenes feel realistic and interesting; they flow very naturally. I think my first piece of critique would be for this part:

tying her to the ground. Was this gravity?

Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but I thought she had been outside earlier she was touching the grass! I think she would’ve felt the gravitaiontal pull then, too, though again ignore this if I misunderstood <3

You mentioned wanting grammar help in your response to me, but the only issue that I maybe see is “she assumed the camera crew would too,” where I think it should be would’ve. Then again, I’m not great with grammar so i’m sure someone else could help you more with that area!

I really like the example of the eCadt 2000 and how she’s going ten versions fasters when she gets up!! I don’t know if we’re meant to know what the sound is as the reader, but it was a bit confusing for me.

Overall, this is super well written! I like that we don’t immediately know Mai is Xaine’s mother, because we get to see her as a person, frank and a bit unwelcoming, before her relationship to Xaine, which makes the story flow really well! Obviously this is just a snippet so I can’t critique the lack of explanation we have for certain things, though I would like to see maybe more description of the spacecraft! We got a look at it as a whole when Xaine was in there, but I think it would be cool to see the technology of these people through maybe there are computers lining the walls, or if they’re so advanced they don’t need them, what do they use instead? Again, take of this with a grain of salt because this is SO good and I’d love to read more if you ever post more of this story on Scratch.

OH one more thing, I feel like we could see a bit more of Xaine’s personality in this snippet! We learn that she’s very curious and open minded, learning about the grass and sun, and that’s energetic because of the line where she skips back to the dome, but outside of that, we don’t get too much information about who Xaine is from this passage if that makes sense!!

I love what you have so far, it was a super enjoyable read and you are really great at making the story flow naturally!!

410 words of critique!

Last edited by Zyzeryko (March 7, 2026 19:03:04)

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