Word War
word count - 235 words

I was walking around the enchanted woods and all I could hear was the mystical waterfall falling down nearby. The water droplets echoed, not literally really, but I could vividly hear the plummetting down on the gray rubble that surrounded the gorgeous scenery. I wanted to yell out. Not in a sign of rage. Oh no, not by any means. If anything, I was thrilled. I was overjoyed. This was special, and these sacred memories meant so much to me. I knew I was starting to forget things and that would never be ok. That's why the Serene Woods are where I call my home. That day I decided to venture out into what you would refer to as the unknown. To me it was just another part of my long long island, or hosue for that matter. Obviously land isn't something that I can own but I've been there long enough to knwo right from wrong and left from right too. It was just a fantasy, all a dream, and I was living deep inside it, not even realizing the struggles others were having with the otuside world.

Suddenly, I heard a sparkle, almost a shimmer of some sort and that's when I saw it. A magical mystical unicorn in it's full glory. To be very frank it almost looked like a goat with one horn but the rainbow shine from the back told

Happy World Book Day! Today we'll be writing reviews and offering book recommendations to our fellow SWCers in the comments! Connect with other passionate readers and share the ups and downs of recent books you've read, or maybe discover a new love of reading you didn't realize you had? You can collect 350 points (plus 50 more for proof!) by writing 300 words worth of book reviews! Have fun celebrating World Book Day!

House of Leaves, by Mark Z. Danielewski
This is the book I'm currently reading (my 2nd time reading it)! It's really long, very complicated, and… I love it. Full disclaimer, though: it's intended for adult readers. I won't reference anything that Scratch might disapprove of, but be warned if you decide to look deeper into this book.
The first thing you need to know is that it's not an ordinary story. It's an example of metafiction: writing ABOUT writing, a story-within-a-story, addressing its own existence as a written work. Because of this, it's a bit difficult to assign it a genre in the traditional sense, but “postmodern horror” gives you a decent idea.
Basically, there are three layers: a documentary film called The Navidson Record, an academic analysis of The Navidson Record, and the footnotes.
The Navidson Record is (supposedly) an autobiographical film made by photographer Will Navidson, who originally intended it to be about moving into a new house with his family. However, strange things begin happening to the house, and the film ends up documenting the investigation of that mystery instead.
The reader never learns about this film directly, though, only through the academic analysis of it, which was authored by an old man named Zampanò. Not much is known about Zampanò, but his writing style, although it uses formal language and is academically-formatted, often rambles and focuses on irrelevant details. Zampanò never finished the manuscript; instead, it was discovered among his belongings after his death.
The third layer, composed mostly of footnotes, is written by a man named Johnny Truant as he attempts to put Zampanò's papers together and publish the work. However, the footnotes are largely not about the work at all, but rather Johnny writing about his own life. Johnny's state deteriorates over the course of the book, paralleling the story of The Navidson Record.
Despite this parallelism, Johnny questions whether The Navidson Record was even real to begin with. He states that there is no evidence of the film's existence, and many of Zampanò's citations seem to be made up as well. As both Zampanò and Johnny are unreliable narrators, the reader never conclusively learns what is real and what isn't. But that's kind of the whole point.

⋆ friday, march 6th: cabin wars (hi eevee :DD)

so our caterpillar is a butterfly now, but guess what?… he's still kinda hungry. pushing his way out of the cocoon, he tentatively flapped big, colorful wings before heading straight for the grocery store. or, he didn’t really know where the grocery store was so he sort of just picked a direction and hoped for the best. it was an exhilarating experience seeing everything from above, the trees that he used to crawl on were now itty bitty greens blobs that blew by like leaves in the wind far below. he felt on top of the world, and in a way he sort of was.
he gets excited when he starts to see bits of civilization: sprawling roads, cars, low buildings. it’d been a long two weeks but he still remembered that these kinds of blocky hollow cement bricks as the same as the place he’d found that excellent slice of cake. that really felt like a lifetime ago.
he lowers his small, still delicate body to the ground. the wind makes a pretty good fight and he feels like he’s going to get swept away and die a couple of times but eventually it all works out. it would suck to be instantly killed on his first day as a butterfly. he floats clumsily through the door frame of a seven-eleven (except he didn’t know that because he didn’t know how to read, so it just looked like some average store with fluorescent lights) and observes the place carefully. it was empty minus a single teenaged cashier, who whistled with awe when he landed on a stack of dasani water and snapped a quick picture.
(the cashier’s mind goes kinda like this: oh, a butterfly! i love bugs! i wish i had my camera with me. i can’t wait to show this to my friends. what species could this be? he’s so beautiful and so unique. i’ve never seen anything like this one…or… wait… why do i feel like i have? where could i possibly recognize this butterfly from??)
anyways, our butterfly friend wanders around the store’s aisles through a mixture of crawling and quick flaps of his wings. he analyzes all of the stuff carefully, considering which would make the best meal. there’s a shiny bag with a picture of chips and tomatoes that looked intriguing, but he couldn’t really open a bag like that. there’s another section with lots of colors and big, eye-catching symbols that he still couldn’t read. it smelled sweet - hey, we call it ‘candy’ - and he wanted to sample them so bad, but his greatest weakness was still being unable to open the packaging.

after looking through the whole place for a while, our butterfly is disappointed to find that nearly everything was locked away behind the jail bars of plastic and foil. unlike where he got that cake maybe a month ago, there were no delicious fruits in barrels or yummy pastries behind glass walls. he’s about to leave when he catches sight of a strange bulky machine in the back corner with swirling red and blue mixtures in plastic containers.
oh, he’s won big - there’s whole spills of the sugary stuff sitting on top of the metal grate, and he flies over fast as a hummingbird. he lands eagerly next to a blue splatter and takes a sip. for his first meal in this still unfamiliar form, it tastes like heaven… overwhelmingly sugary just how he liked it but with a slightly sour yet pleasant bite. it’s also colder than anything he’s experienced, giving him ‘brain freeze’.
he doesn’t notice he’s sharing his meal with a buddy until he hears a little chirp and looks up from his slurping, face stained blue. it’s a tiny little ant opposite of him. she’s giving him a massive side eye, for whatever reason. finally, he breaks the silence, too uncomfortable to continue eating or just awkwardly leave.
“what’s up?” he asks.
“listen, no offense man, but why are you even here, sipping on some gas station icees? aren’t you a pollinator or whatever? go outside and eat flowers or whatever, nerd.” she gives a high, trilling laugh before going back to the blue stuff, which was apparently ‘icee’.
the butterfly is so shocked and quite frankly a little offended that he just stands there in stupid silence, before finally leaving the seven eleven. fine, he’d just go somewhere with even better food and maybe nicer bugs. although he was a little bit intrigued too… how could one eat flowers? he’d had leaves before as a baby, but flowers? the curiosity gets the best of him and he finds himself steering towards an open field rather than the 300 car parking lot and the golden gates of walmart.
it’s midspring, so the whole place is overflowing with colorful blooms and other bugs, from butterflies like him (but also not really, because they had much more boring patterns), bees, hummingbirds, even beetles and mantises, and other random critters like rabbits and even a cat. he feels like an outsider among them, feeling overwhelmed and intimidated. it was basically the equivalent of a nightclub, if nightclubs were in the dead of day, took place outside, and involved no people. he watches the other bugs, who are drifting lazily from flower to flower like experts.
he lands on an enticing coneflower, folding his wings. he does a couple of laps around its soft brown center, enjoying the bouncy feel on his legs. not really sure where to go from that, he leans over and takes a big bite of a silky purplish pink petal. it tastes kind of trashy, with hints of floral obviously but for the most part it tastes like nothing and leaves an unpleasant feeling in his mouth. he takes another bite though, because he’s a butterfly for goodness’ sake and all the other cool butterflies were here and they were having a great time.
in the middle of his desolate chewing, a round fuzzy bumblebee buzzes his way over, staticky laughter filling the air. our butterfly is starting to feel very tired of getting laughed at today.
“duuude, what are you doing eating the poor flower like that, you’re not a rabbit, are you?” he gives another round of ear-grating chuckles. “it’s gotta be your first day alive, or something, you goofball.”
“…um, it actually is…” the butterfly says in a very small voice, feeling the need to defend himself. he now desperately wished he’d gotten a user manual or something coming out of the cocoon.
“oh. well, in that case.” he thinks he hears a bit of guilt in the bee’s buzzing. “congrats, i guess! welcome to the air!” the bee exclaims, giving him a high five which the butterfly returns hesitantly. he’d never gotten high-fived before. (is it even called a high five for bugs? do bugs have fingers? i mean prolly not)
“thanks,” he manages awkwardly. he has another question, a big one, but it hangs in the air unasked. he didn’t want to make himself any more of a fool than he already was.
the bee catches on, though. thankfully? he wasn’t sure if that was all a good thing or a bad thing. “right. so you’re probably wondering about the right way to get food… all you gotta do is a suck the juices out the flower, yeah? a lot tastier than the petals, my friend dared me to try one once and it was kind of lame. and make sure to move around, don’t stick to just one. it’s good for the environment or whatever.”
our butterfly nods rapidly, processing the instructions. “…oh, i see. thank you so much.”
the bee smiles as brightly as bees can smile. “right. see you around, man,” and just like that he’s buzzing away and the butterfly is back by himself.
he glances back down at the coneflower, the soft bouncy center that he’s perched on. drink the juices? i mean, i guess. he leans his face down, finding the nectar and taking a sip.
…it sucks. (how can i describe it? for us people, i guess it has the same effect as a certain genre of drinks. you love it, like a lot of people, or you hate it.) it’s intoxicating, filling his head with strange sensations that completely overloaded his ability to think. he nearly falls off of the flower before quickly regaining himself. gosh, what were all of these morons doing? he watches all of the other butterflies having a grand old time.
another sip, just to make sure. the ‘nectar’ stuff still sucks. well then, he was just a fake butterfly, he guessed. he had to accept his fate.
sure, the meadow was pretty and lively and all. maybe he would stop by again some time to find the bee again and say hi, maybe see if he ever got in the mood for some normal butterfly hobbies. but right now?
he lifted to the air in search of that walmart he’d passed, craving a buttery croissant.

⋆ thursday, march 5th: world book day/book reviews (all /lh!)

the very hungry caterpillar, eric carle – a true classical masterpiece of the 20th century, this book still holds its charm over half a century later. with bright colors, an eye-catching artstyle, and a storyline that’s intriguing enough but not over the top (what’s this guy gonna do next?? haha eat a cake??? OHHHH MY GOOSH YEEEESSS) the caterpillar book is everything that a children book yearns to be. it's truly a standard in itself. our hungry little fellow in the lead role (although i admit, lil bro is a little wasteful - why does he only take one nibble of everything? lock in bro) goes through a gorgeous journey of growing up and self discovery represented by the process of…how do you spell it…metamorphosis. yay for teaching children science! all in all a crowd pleaser whether you’ve just turned one or you’re a little older than that.

a bad case of stripes, david shannon – i hate this book. sorry guys. written with the intention of a meaningful lesson, it somehow manages to miss completely instead becoming some eldritch horror sort of plot. what do you mean she turns into her room??? that’s terrifying??? my poor 8 year old self ended up not feeling enlightened at all but instead deeply uncomfortable and fearful. fearful enough that i somehow managed to miss the whole point of the book and forced myself to eat the lima beans in my soup at dinner even though i hated them (everyone in this book was lowk right about that by the way)… apparently you’re supposed to eat the veggies that you *do* like, not the ones you *don’t*. anyways the story wasn’t all too bad but hoooooooooly shoes did the illustrations boost the unsettlingness by 1000%

if you give a mouse a cookie, laura numeroff – i think there were a whole series of these kinda books, and my younger self ate them up. again, the peak example of what children’s books should be - short, sweet, whimsical, and fun. i was really on the edge of my seat to see what this annoying little rodent wanted next. seriously, how is he so greedy? a real mouse would take the dang cookie and run, but this rascal wanted a whole 5-star gordon ramsey type restaurant setup with his snack. it’s all okay in the end though because he’s so itty bitty and lovable. i would bake him a whole batch if i could except i wouldn’t because that many cookies would probably kill any mouse.

(other books that were contenders for review except i ran out of time: fancy nancy, pete the cat, aaand i forgot the rest sorry)

⋆.˚ Book Review ~ “The Great Gatsby” ⋆·˚ ༘ *
by: F. Scott Fitzgerald

~ Summary: ~
Set in the summer during the roaring '20s, The Great Gatsby follow Nick Carraway, a humble man from the Midwest, who moves to Long Island and becomes involved in the life of his mysterious neighbor, Jay Gatsby. Gatsby is a millionaire who throws fancy parties in a very desperate attempt to find and reunite with the love of his life, Daisy Buchanan (Nick's cousin). Daisy Buchanan, the woman who loved Gatsby five years before getting married to the wealthy and arrogant Tom Buchanan. As Nick helps reunite Daisy and Gatsby, he sees the affair between them come together. Within the affairs happening around him, Nick also finds love with Jordan Baker, a close friend of Daisy whom is a big liar. But hopes for everyone are shattered when Tom confronts Gatsby about his business dealings. The tension builds towards a tragic car accident in which Daisy kills Tom's mistress, Myrtle Wilson, while driving Gatsby's car. Tom makes Myrtle's husband believe that Gatsby was the one who killed his wife, and out of rage, George Wilson murders Jay Gatsby. In the aftermath, the Daisy Buchanan retreats back into her wealthy life, and Jordan breaks away from Nick, leaving him to reflect on the selfishness and evilness of the ‘American Dream’ and the impossibility of repeating the past.

~ Thoughts & Recommendations: ~
The Great Gatsby is one of my all-time favorite classic novels! This story is truly unique from the typical love plot between people. This book captures the reality of a flawed society that builds off others through wealth and lies. It is truly an amazing story, and you are able to see the lavish side of the roaring '20s turn into a tragedy.
I definitely recommend this book if you like reading classics, and enjoy a love story in a historical-fiction setting. The iconic tragedy ties in the personalities of each character and leaves you contemplating on what could have went different. Overall, The Great Gatsby is a masterpiece of economy, love, and tragedy. It warns us that we may often hold onto a past that cannot be recreated, and that sometimes you must let someone go to fulfill the better of your future.


✎ 3.5.2026 ~ Daily #5 ❀ ~ 369 words ౨ৎ
⌗ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀꜰꜰʀᴏɴ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇʙᴏᴏᴋ ⋆˚࿔

3/5 - 300 words

The Picture of Dorian Gray
Though it seems initially intimidating once you get into The Picture of Dorian Gray it’s an engaging read that’s just difficult enough to make you reread a few lines, which is good, because they’re all packed with symbolism and detail. Dorian Gray is a Victorian aristocrat who finds himself caught up by vanity and ends up making a series of bad decisions that ends in a dramatic, satisfying ending that I’m still thinking about months later. It’s an interesting dive into Victorian society and aristocracy and an even more interesting dive into its parallels with Oscar Wilde’s life. It’s a little spooky but the spook-factor only makes it better. I would definitely recommend it to someone who wants to get into classics or, simply, wants an engaging story that makes you think.

The Girl Who Drank The Moon
Though a children’s book, The Girl Who Drank The Moon is one of the most skillfully written books I’ve ever read. The writing style of Kelly Barnhill is one that’s entirely unique and by extension one that never fails to be entertaining to read. Antain, Xan, and Luna are all incredibly compelling protagonists who you want to keep learning about and the lessons from the book are ones you’ll always want to remember. It’s also simply written beautifully and the story makes me feel warm inside every time I read it. I often find myself thinking about lines from the book or about the world that were introduced to in the book, wishing that we could have gotten more of it. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who likes a good fantasy or fairytale story or simply anyone who’s looking for a light-ish read that will make you feel emotions and will entertain you for as long as you’ve got the book in you hands. Good book.

word war vs @luv_outdoors! 271 words (loss )

“How long have you been watching me?”
Her voice trembles unsteadily, her fear betrayed by her quivering eyes. Such beautiful, ocean-blue eyes. I could simply drown in them for an eternity. But I have something more important to do.
The cold, gleaming metal flickers against her gorgeous throat. Its deadly edge, pushing slightly into the skin, draws but a droplet of blood, detailing a thin line on her neck. She whimpers in fear, closing her eyes tightly. As if that would save her.
I tut lightly, whispering into her ear, “That simply won't do, darling. Show me those eyes of yours.”
She refuses, simply trembling in my embrace. Her chair, a simple, plastic mesh-backed chair, squeaks slightly against the synthetic wood-like flooring. It's a dull grey, entirely unsuitable for someone as vibrant and lively as her.
She deserves simply the best. That's why I must do this. I need to eliminate all of the scum around her. That pathetic, cowering man could not measure up the the tiniest fragment of her hair. He is not a suitable match for her. I, and only I, am her destined partner. I am the one who will stand with her in the end.
“Y-you didn't answer the question,” she says, slightly aggrieved-seeming. Her quaking shoulders still briefly, her entire demeanor demanding an answer from me. I, of course, must acquiesce to this woman, who will one day be my wife.
“Many, many years,” I purr, my eyes curving into an unspoken smile. In fact, it's more than just years. More than decades, too. For millenia, I have been watching her.
I was a star

──★ ˙ prologue for critique
1,035 words … march 5

“Wait.”

Four pairs of eyes turned to stare at Tsunami, who stood there. The dragonets were about to lift off into the sky, as they had just barely managed to escape the SeaWing dungeon. Fire rained down from above, they would be caught again if they didn't act quickly.

“Yes?” Starflight answered, though there was a tang of impatience to his voice. “Go on.”

How would she explain to them? How would she tell them that after all the effort they put in, that after going through the hassle of escaping the prison, she changed her mind? Truthfully, Tsunami wasn’t even sure this was the right decision. Did she really want to stay in the SeaWing kingdom, forced to be allies with someone who didn’t even like her? Heck, she didn’t even know Aquatic.

It was either now or never. She swallowed nervously, words forming in her head. “I don’t think this whole ‘Dragonet of Destiny’ thing is cut out for me.” She exhaled, and the others stared at her for a few moments, processing the words she spoke.

Sunny was the first to respond. “Is this some kind of joke?” Her tone was more genuine than upset. “It has to be. We need to stick together, it’s for the prophecy!” The others agreed, though their eyes indicated they were still stunned. Tsunami normally hated the idea of having to fulfill some kind of prophecy, but the golden, imperfect dragon was someone you couldn’t get mad at. She was just so innocent and sweet.

Clay was the next to speak. The MudWing was her closest friend out of the group. It had hurt her to leave him. “Look, I know you don’t like this whole prophecy thing, but we need you. You’re like our sister to us, we’re like family.” He looked at her eyes longingly. “Please.” He pleaded, placing his talon on hers. “Not just for saving the world, but you’re our friend.”


The SeaWing looked away shamefully. “I’m sorry… But now I’m back home. With my tribe, my kingdom. I’m destined to rule, and was never meant for what the Talons of Peace said we would do.” She explained, looking at them.

“So that’s it.” Glory said bluntly, her scales shifting to indicate exasperation. But there was also a tint of blue, as if she was experiencing sadness from leaving a friend. The two usually bickered, but nonetheless they cared for each other. “Years of hard work and friendship. Gone, just like that.”

No, they didn’t have to leave each other like that. While they won’t be with each other all the time, they could always visit, right? She knew that they would be busy with their own lives, but that doesn’t mean they have to cut off all communication. They could still be friends, so why were they acting as if they couldn’t anymore?

“It’s not gone.” Tsunami started firmly. “We can still see each other again. Things will be different, but we don’t have to cut off all ties.” She said, staring at her friends. Dragons normally didn’t cry, and the SeaWing certainly didn’t. But she couldn’t help it as tears welled up. She knew it was for the better, but knew she would miss them.

Silence hung in the air as both parties were unsure of what to say. But it wasn’t the silence they had while studying, or when they were about to fall asleep. That was comforting and soothing. This was tense and uncomfortable.

Clay tried to speak again. “We need you. I know your kingdom needs you, but they have your sisters and Queen Coral. You’re our only SeaWing and our protector.” His eyes widened earnestly.

She shook her head. Clay had mentioned her being their protector. However these past few days felt like Starflight was trying to take that role, and he was perfect for that. The NightWing was level-headed and always thought before acting. He was what the dragonets needed, not her temper and impulsiveness.

“You’ll be fine. Starflight is a great leader. Even Morrowseer said that NightWings were ‘born leaders.’” Tsunami sighed.

Starflight, who was silent this entire time, finally said something. “No! I mean, I would be happy to care for our friends but we need you! I… I don’t even have cool magic powers, you're the one who fights for us!” His eyes were wide, and he was waving his claws in an agitated manner. Things must have been bad if the NightWing wasn’t proudly boasting about his tribe and their abilities.

“But… If you really want to… I suppose we can’t stop you.” He said, calming down. The others stared at him in shock.

Glory sighed a long sigh. “Starflight’s right. It’s your choice.” She said admittingly, looking down.

“But guys! We must stick together!” Sunny cried. But Clay just nudged her, and succumbed to Tsunami’s decision. “It is your opinion. And we have to accept that.” Sunny’s eyes grew distant, as she stared at the floor, discouraged.

The five dragons stood there like that, no words spoken. They didn’t even look at each other. But the quietness was broken as a fireball landed near them, the grass and underbrush around it engulfed into flames. Right, there was still an attack going on.

“I suppose we should go our separate ways.” Starflight said, glancing at the blazing fires surrounding them.

The others nodded. “I guess this is goodbye. We will see each other again.” Tsunami’s farewell was more like a casual ‘see you later,’ despite the fact she didn’t know when they would be reunited again.

They took turns saying goodbye. Some simply said a few words, while others gave an emotional monologue. Tsunami watched as her friends who she once considered family took off into the skies, fleeing from the burning island. She watched them until they became nothing but little dots from the sky.

The SeaWing realized that she couldn’t just waste time standing there. She basically abandoned her friends, but that was no excuse to not help her tribe in the middle of a battle. If she wanted to become queen someday, she would need to fight for her kingdom.

This was the fate that she had chosen.

The grassy plains stretched along the horizon for miles, and the sun glimmered in the sky, shining its luminous light amongst the vibrant shades of pink and yellow scattered in the clouds. It was as if someone had blended those two colors together using a brush that hadn’t been washed after its last dip in yellow. Anyone would have been in awe of such a mesmerizing sight, but for those who lived in the valley of Yamato-Hitraki, this was an everyday occurrence.

The valley was quite vast in size as it was mainly made up of nature that thrived in the land. The one community that did live in the center of the land worked together to harvest the surrounding crops. As the snow banks began to melt - a sign of spring and new beginnings - the cherry blossoms that were a predominant sight in the valley began to blossom. Everywhere you looked, shades of white and pastel pink were present. It was almost like living through a surreal fantasy; something you could only hope for, but would never come true no matter how hard you wished. Although the valley was known for its breathtaking beauty, it was more commonly remembered for all the legends and prophecies that revolved around it.

At the time, the Elders from above as well as common ritual leaders would use their psychic abilities to predict the future. These theories were then stored in orb-like spheres, all encased in glass, to protect them from the eyes of the darkness that lurked within the shadows. Protected at such security, they were forgotten as time went on - despite this, countless greedy individuals did take an occasional hike up to the Ancient Temple of Lost Secrets. As expected, they were met with such fatal deaths since the temple was sealed by the magic from the Elders. Centuries passed and as time went on, the prophecies were lost to wind.

Now a millenia later, our story begins…

“Sakura,” the hoarse yet sweet voice called from behind, “make sure you return before nightfall. You must know by now how dark it gets at night. The girl’s brown hair flashed past the door as she sprinted away up the valley. Alongside her was a tiny red panda, some might even say that he was her sidekick. Before running down to the stream nearby, she shouted back a reply, hoping that the winds would carry her words.

“Sobo, don’t worry! I’ll be back before then. Though, don’t you know that the stars are the prettiest in the night sky, when we can see their luminous glow?”

With that, the young girl continued running, the wind blowing against her face turning her cheeks a bright shade of rosy red. Although it was only starting to get warmer, most would’ve described this weather to be pleasant. As Sakura ran down the hill nearby with her red panda, Popo, beside her, she felt as if she was flying. The spirits of those who had fallen before, those who were looking after her - it felt as if they were raising her into the sky for a long awaited embrace. Finally arriving at the grand cherry blossom tree, Sakura settled near the trunk of the tree, and stared at the pleasant view beneath her. Doing so, she brought out a tattered dairy, the cover almost broken in pieces, but known to be hand crafted with love. After briefly staring into the abyss, Sakura opened the diary and laid it down in her lap. Petting back Popo’s red and white fur, a feeling of silk, she began to write.

“Dear Okaa-san and Otoa-san,

I hope you’re doing well up above. It’s been a while since I last talked to you.. Please don’t be too mad. It’s been quite hard trying to navigate life by myself, but I assure you that I can hang in there. Sobo takes care of me with all of her heart every day, but deep down inside I know that she still weeps your death. At times it feels as if I’m responsible - if I hadn’t pushed and been so needy… you may have been still alive to see me not having to write this.

With every word I write, I can feel a tear trickling down my cheek. It’s as if I’ve kept them in for so long that they’re just waiting to burst. My heart feels stiff, as I’m gasping for air. Despite the beauty that thrives around me, I feel so hopeless and lonely.

Popo has been here, and I guess he’s trying to peer into my book right now. Without him, I don’t know if I’d still be alive to tell you all this. It’s as if time is just ticking away, and I can be myself here. No one will question the tears or ask me why I’m holding onto the pain. Putting up with this act is not as easy as it seems, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

There’s the update on my life- I hope you’re doing better up above.
Sobo says that the night sky is a dangerous place for a girl, but I’d like to believe that there’s more to it than that.

Lots of love from your daughter,
Sakura”

As soon as she finished signing the letter, tear droplets began to stream down her face. It was as if a dam had just been burst after carefully circulating the water for years. There was no end in sight, but Sakura needed this. A chance to free those bottled up emotions, and to finally accept. It seemed ridiculous to just move on. She proceeded to close the book, and began looking up at the sky. The clouds continued to drift around - where in this world were her parents now?

Sensing that something was up with Sakura, Popo tried his best to cheer her up. He climbed into her lap and started to roll around like a happy dog who had just gotten a treat. She began to chuckle - Popo was the one thing that she could count on.

“Aww Popo! Come here, who’s a good boy?” Gaining back some strength, she began to run after Popo. He was heading down the hill towards the bean crops nearby. “Popo! Don’t go there, we need to go back before nightfall, otherwise Sobo will never let us come out again.”

Running after him, Sakura tried to catch him before he caused any more trouble. The two quickly rushed back into the house just in time for dinner. It was as if time had just been ticking away, because as soon as the duo entered the house, Sobo was anxiously waiting for them.

My work in progress: ‘Untitiled’

1506 words

“When translated, Sekhmet’s name roughly translates to ‘She who is powerful,’ or ‘the one who loves Ma’at.” Cad murmured as he read the passage. “Interesting.” He scribbled down the piece of info on the old Egyptian goddess in his notebook. The sound of soft rain soothed his mind as he studied.
Again, he glanced out the window.

It was beautiful here in the city of New Lorik, with neon lights reflected in the rain slicked streets. He smiled, and reached for the pendant at his neck. He still couldn’t get over how lucky he was to have gotten an apartment here. He just tried to ignore the original reason he had wanted to move here.

He picked up his coffee again as he looked back to his note page. He already knew what he had just written down, but now he looked at it with new eyes. How had the ancient Egyptians evolved that aspect of her? Why was she the only god who seemed to follow Ma’at so closely? Questions filled his mind as he kept thinking about the problem. Absent mindedly, he tried to take another sip of his drink. Unfortunately he found it empty. Glancing back at his work, Cad sighed. Maybe it was time to take a break. It had already been a couple hours.

Stretching, he stood up. He was at a cafe, (the best cafe in the city, as far as he was concerned) and closed his note book. Should he get another coffee? He probably would've, a few months ago, but now he thought hot chocolate might be better. Too much caffeine wasn't good for you. He walked over to the line in front of the counter, a slight bounce in his step. Studying always put him in a good mood. Then he looked over at the employee standing behind the counter, and froze.

There was no way. Cad bit his lip, his heart beating faster. Memories of warm nights spent together on a couch or playing board games late at night started to play in his mind. Jamie couldn't really just be here, right? This couldn't be their first time meeting in months, just randomly at a cafe? Why had he never seen him before?

Trying to stifle his emotions, Cad focused on what he was doing- just ordering a drink. Even so, as the line steadily got shorter, Cad got more and more nervous. Subconsciously, he tucked his pendant back in his shirt. Jamie looked different. His hair had grown out, he now had bangs that swished whenever he moved. His ears were pierced now too. But it was definitely Jamie.

“Hello! What can I get for you today?” Jamie said, speaking the words to his characteristic rhythm. He didn't look up at Cad, instead focusing on the POS system in front of him. Cad suddenly felt incredibly awkward.

“Could I just get a, um, hot chocolate?”

Cad saw the moment Jamie recognized his voice. Jamie looked up, brown hair swishing out of his face. His eyes widened slightly.

“A-ah, Cad. Hi.” Jamie faltered. “Y-yeah I can get that for you. Would you like that for here or to go?”

“For here, please.” Cad said, running a hand through his hair. He suddenly felt an emotion rise in his chest. Sadness? Hope? Joy? He couldn't tell.

“That’ll be three dollars-” Jamie swiveled the POS system over, a small, hesitant smile on his face. “Just pay here.”

Cad pulled out his card, not making eye contact with Jamie. After paying, and leaving a twenty percent tip, it was done. Cad walked back to his table. He sat down at his work. He tried to study.

But, he found it impossible to concentrate any more. As much as he loved to study Egyptology… everything kept reminding him of times studying with Jamie, celebrating after high-school graduation, late nights staying over at each other's houses… Now that he had seen Jamie again, after months of being apart, he found himself wishing for a future that could’ve been.

Cad groaned, and shut his notebook. It was no use. He grabbed his hot chocolate, the hot liquid burning his mouth.

“Hey- sorry, can I sit here?”

Cad looked up- Jamie was standing there, across the table in his black cafe uniform.

“Oh- uh- sure. What's up?” Cad asked, surprised.

Jamie sat softly in the cushioned chair, shrugging slightly. “It’s my break- and I thought I would just say hi.”

There was silence for a second. “So, uh, how long have you worked here? I haven't seen you around before?” Cad finally said.

“Oh, yeah. I used to work here in the morning, but I wanted to switch to a later shift so I could start taking a pottery class.” Jamie responded, looking down at his hands. “Do you come here a lot? I’m surprised you didn't order a coffee.”

“I’ve, uh, actually been trying to cut down on caffeine.” Cad said, forcing a laugh. “Surpising, I know. I used to be, like, a caffeine addict or something.”

“Used to…” Jamie murmured, quietly.

Cad cleared his throat. “I don’t remember you being interested in pottery though. Weren’t you studying psychology?”

Jamie looked up. “Yeah, I uh, was… I didn’t actually like it that much. I’ve been getting more into art now.”

“Oh.”
Had Cad ever noticed that crack on the wall? He suddenly became very, very, interested in it. Then he took a sip of his hot chocolate. A couple seconds later, he became very invested in his nails.

At last, Jamie ended the silence. “So, are you still working towards your Egyptology masters?”

“Yes- I actually came here to study. The atmosphere is perfect here.” Cad answered, grasping on to the topic.

Jamie nodded, absently.

They kept talking. Talking about the weather, talking about their homes, talking about their favorite foods. In summary, talking about nothing in particular- nothing of note, that is. But it struck Cad how different they had become.

“So are you not studying psychology anymore? What are you planning to do?” Cad asked. A year ago, they had been planning to get jobs together at a school- him being a school psychologist and Cad being a history teacher. But if Jamie was no longer interested in psychology…

Jamie brightened, a small smile on his lips. “My, uh, friend, Juniper, actually brought me to the pottery class. She’s going to show me some cool art mediums, since I’ve been getting more into that. I, er, said earlier that I didn't want to keep going with psychology, but really I’m just not fit for working with a bunch of school kids. I think I would do much better at being an art therapist-”

Cad stopped listening. It hit him, to know that Jamie had moved on from their dream. That he now had different plans, and different people, in his life. But Cad supposed that he did too. He waited for the ache he had felt when they had first broken up- or at least some sort of hurt. Strangely, none came.

Cad set down his hot chocolate, interrupting Jamie’s rambling. “Hey, sorry Jamie, but I actually should get going. Thank you for meeting me- It was really great to see you again. Good luck with your job.” Cad smiled, and gathered up his stuff.

“Oh- uh, you too.” Jamie looked flustered at the abrupt end to the conversation. “I suppose my break is almost over anyway.”

The two men nodded to each other. Then Cad left. He walked out into the cold, rainy air outside- backpack slung over his shoulders. He smiled- a sad smile, yes, but a smile nonetheless.

Later that night, he sat in his apartment. It was high on the building- fifth floor. He could overlook the city from here. He had his books spread out in front of him, studying again. Looking down at the city, Cad reached up and pulled out the pendant that had been tucked away in his shirt.

He had first looked at buying this apartment when he and Jamie were still together. They had wanted to live close together so they could find a good school nearby. That was a little over a year ago now. Two months ago, even though they had broken up by then, Cad still wanted to get this apartment. He loved the city, and it was perfect for his career goals, perfect for his lifestyle.

He pulled off the pendant. The gem at the base was shaped like a teardrop- he had gotten it from Jamie for his birthday two years ago. He had been wearing it ever since. He rubbed his finger across the smooth surface.

It had been odd, meeting Jamie again, he thought as he rubbed his finger over the smooth gem at the base. It was odd to realise how much a year could change people.

Cad stood up, and walked over to his closet, carefully placing the pendant in his jewelry drawer. He closed the cabinet, and went back to studying.

Other WIP for critiquing : ‘Sevens’

661 words

Sevens walked into the large ballroom. He was fashionably late, the music was already roaring, the people already dancing, and the drinks already half gone. Sevens glanced around, looking for his comrades. Associates? Colleagues? Whatever they were called, Sevens had no trouble finding them. Slots was over by the bar, surrounded by the typical entourage of political figures and influencers, sycophants each and every one.
Aces was enjoying a game of Texas Hold’em, and as Sevens watched, Aces revealed his hand to be a straight flush, and he took the pot. His opponent, a lanky man from Slots’ section of the city, slammed his hands on the table, cursing as his friend pulled him away.
Oh, Sevens missed this environment. He should never have left. He turned to his servants who had come with him.
“Alright, you all can go. Have fun. Get drunk.” He said, dismissing them to enjoy the party. They parted in groups of three or four, laughing and shouting and punching each other. Sevens shook his head, chuckling to himself. Most would end up broke.
Going to these parties was hardly beneficial to any of the guests. But it was an exclusive event- only the highest of society would be allowed to mingle with the Overlords. No one would skip out on it.
It was time for Sevens to do some politicking of his own. He walked over to Aces, who was now talking to some other gamblers.
“Aces, how expected to find you at a poker table.” He said, the people surrounding Aces parting.
Aces turned, grinning. “Sevens! How surprising it is to find you still wearing that hideous bow tie.”
Sevens straightened said bow tie. “Have you ever actually won a game? Or are you always stacking the cards?”
Aces’ smiled wider. “Cheating ‘aint illegal here. If you can get away with it without being caught, you won it rightfully.”
Sevens nodded. As much as he disliked the man, he respected Aces. Aces was straightforward. Powerful. Pretty blunt. Under that though, he played long games to get what he wanted. He seemed simple, yes, but in reality he hid his more… manipulative nature. Unlike Sevens and Slots.
“How are things going with your expedition to Zarinn?” Sevens asked, conversationally.
Aces scowled. Sevens smirked slightly.
“They’re going fine. Just a few hiccups.” Aces responded, stiffly. He gathered up the chips he had won, deftly slipping them into his bag.
Sevens nodded, sympathetically. “Did the ice wall prove too hard to pass? Like I told you it would be?”
Aces lips tightened to a line. Confirmation enough.
“I might… be willing to lend you one of my heat casters.”
Aces had spent thousands- no millions- on an expedition outside of the city, in hopes to find a gear deposit. The only issue was that to get there, you would have to pass through this frozen wasteland of ice and death. And Sevens had the only heat casters in the entire city.
Aces didn’t respond. He was instead shuffling the cards he had been playing with, not looking at Sevens. Finally, he smiled, turning to Sevens. “What do you want?”
“Just something small… a cut of your earnings, perhaps? My heat caster can bring back maybe eight or nine percent.” Sevens said, watching Aces cooly.
Aces held his eyes for a moment. “I suppose if I don't take your offer, I’m not going to get anything, am I?”
Sevens smiled, and shook his head slowly. “No, I don't think you will.”
The two stared at each other again, and Sevens could see Aces’ loathing in his gaze.
Aces laughed- a sharp, annoyed, laugh. “Fine, Sevens, fine. I’ll take your storming heat casters.”
Sevens held out a hand to Aces. “Terrific- I’m pleased to make this business arrangement with you.”
“Of course you are.” Aces said gruffly, shaking his hand.
Sevens nodded to him as he walked away. He could feel Aces glaring at him as he did so.

Critique
word count - 621 words

Introduction
Hey Summer! Just wanted to start off by thanking you for allowing me to critique your script. While I know you weren't able to post the entire thing on Scratch, I loved reading through the mini character outlines at the start and seeing how each characters descriptions kind of influenced what you chose to have them say in the script. In your comment on the Critiquitaire project you had said that you wanted some feedback on script writing. Personally, I'd suggest just getting really deep and descriptive in what you're doing. Think about a script for a play, for example — you would have different scene cues, emotions listed on the side, and information about the location/environment that the characters are in. If you could add these to your already existing plot, I think that you would definitely be able elevate the delivery <3 I'll get into some specifics below so that you can get a better idea as to what I'm referring to.

~FRIDAY~

I'm going to assume that this is the day where all the events below are taking place? Since your title have a similar layout, maybe you can go about bolding the Friday and emphasizing that it's the start of the scene. For example, INTRO SCENE: FRIDAY. Obviously this one is more of a stylistic choice, but finding some way to show the reader that the date applies to all the other heading you have below would be nice.

Charli - And… posted!

Charli - Hey Violet!
Violet - Hi! I was wondering if maybe you wanted to have a sleepover tonight?
Charli - Sure, I’ll text my mom.

Just a general rule of thumb for script writing - the names of characters are typically capitzalied (eg: CHARLIE or VIOLET). This helps the character switches stand out to the reader. Again, this is just a common convention used in script writing so if you find it suits your style, I'd definitely recommend making the switch!

-LUNCH-
Raina - Oh, thank GOODNESS it’s Friday!
Charli - Omg, right? School’s been insane this week. I had TWO pop quizzes.
Raina - I was wondering if you guys maybe wanted to go to the beach on Sunday?
Sabrina - Have a great time! Hope that a shark doesn’t catch you.
Violet - Ha ha, very funny, Sabrina.

I'd recommend adding some emotion cues for the characters as well so that the reader can understand the tone of each character as they read through it. I definitely do like it that your descriptions at the top match what you've written here (especially Sabrina's )

To further add to this, however, you can add things like:
Sabrina - Have a great time! Hope that a shark doesn’t catch you. (smirks while tossing her hair back)
Violet - Ha ha, very funny, Sabrina… (rolling eyes)

Adding little cues on the side like this helps to add more depth to your characters and it also gives the reader a better visualization as to what is happening in your script.

-VIOLET’S HOUSE-
Violet - I’m so glad your mom let you come!
Charli - Eh, she usually lets most things fly.
Violet - Unlike some mom I know…

Charli - Good night!
Violet - Good night.

I feel like the good night bit at the end is a bit abrupt with where you're going with the plot. While I do love all the scenery/location changes you have, try to make the transitions between each smoothless. At the end of the day, you're still telling a story so you want to make sure that the reader can follow along with the plot!

I know that Charli came over for a sleepover so maybe add in some fun activities that the two of the do together. Who knows, maybe they can start gossiping about something that Sabrina has done! Honestly, the possibilities here are truly endless so you can take it whichever way you see fit.

Final Thoughts
Overall, I really enjoyed reading through the snippet you provided me with. It's been a while since I actually did script writing and you've definitely got me hooked so expect to see that some time soon <3 If you do continue this story, I'd love to see your progress. There's genuinely so much potential with the plot and I can't wait to see where you go with it next. Thanks again for letting me critique it - I hope the suggestions are helpful ^^

for crit

the jays loved rejean. he had a gross habit of leaving his crusts on his windowsill, sometimes scattered with stolen seeds or nuts intended for the court’s caged menagerie. he invited them into his life, sketching their delicate feathers and energetic movements as he watched them play and eat from his windowseat.
olivia used to laugh at the sight of him, haloed by wings and chirping beaks. that was years ago, and she is olivia no longer, and far too concerned with a facade of seriousness to take part in his antics.
torlin’s eyes would sparkle at how a jay would so often swoop down to greet rejean, as together they wandered campus during a lesson. rejean read once that a defunct sect of divinity had cherished corvids as particularly sensitive to the currents of the spirits. he never got the chance to ask torlin about that.
frey, foolish, headstrong frey, was terrified of small birds. nevermind she spent so much time in the falconry, nevermind she had hand-raised several of the university’s finest birds of prey. if a jay approached rejean while she was around, she jumped and screeched and huffed at the laughter of their companions. once, she ducked behind hu—
hugo. hugo, stop this. hugo, let me rest. hugo, this is not rig—
emmerson, rejean’s cousin, jealous of his attention from the birds, attempted to replicate the circumstances. he set out crusts and nuts and attracted only squirrels. everybody knows anyone can get the attention of squirrels, they have horrible judgment.
even the lord and lady of the university took notice of the jays’ love for rejean. as a gift at new year’s shortly before his disappearance, they had a sigil created in his honor, a joyous jay midflight, beak clutching a jewel. it was engraved in the university archives, taking its place next to the lord charles’ sturdy buck, and a gold ring was cast for rejean’s pinkie finger. it was beautiful, just as he was.
not how it ha—
rejean’s friend, apprentice to the dean of divinity, prodigal son of alacia, hugo, loved everything about him. to him, the jays were a manifestation of this. certainly the spirits moved with his overwhelming affection, leading the jays right to him.
hugo, please, leave me be. let me rest in peace, this isn’t what i want.
rejean’s friend, his first devotee, his truest priest, keeper of his memory, founder of his church. (i matter. he matters. the love does not evaporate. my work will make it true.) hugo loved on, despite the pain, and the birds followed him on his pilgrimage across the continent.
the jays love rojan.

Word War
word count - 261 words

I rushed out the room and I was so worried. Thye party was about toe start and I was yet to make my iconic confetti card. You see, things were extremely hard as I was growing up and that's why I decided to pave a path for myself. I had notthing, I was alone in the world. My siblings each had a parent - not that I was left alone or anything. It's just, well to put it simply, I was overlooked. I'm not saying that I'm not valued, not not at all. But I do sometimes feel invisible. Nobody is there. Nobody is fighting for me. Nobody is one my team.

After a while, the world feels so lonely so much to the point where you lose your sense of self. I know I lost my purpose. Over time I was just eroding, getting more lost and isolated from the rest of the world. That's when my whole life changed. Right as I was sitting in that slump I met Helena. She was kind, not nice… kind. Her words were genuine and I found so much happiness whenever I spent any amount of time with her. She had this radiant energy and it always managed to bring a smile to my face regardless of how upset I was at the time. That, my friends, is when I founded my card company. I knew glitter was the solution to all of my issues and look at just how right I was about all of it. I genuinely couldnt believe how close I

Hey NightGlow! Here's my critique. This piece was amazing, it was genuinely hard to think of what to put in the critique!!

-NightGlow- wrote:

The grassy plains stretched along the horizon for miles, and the sun glimmered in the sky, shining its luminous light amongst the vibrant shades of pink and yellow scattered in the clouds. It was as if someone had blended those two colors together using a brush that hadn’t been washed after its last dip in yellow. Anyone would have been in awe of such a mesmerizing sight, but for those who lived in the valley of Yamato-Hitraki, this was an everyday occurrence.

I love the detailed description of everything!! Good job at setting the scene, and what the location looks like. Maybe you could add a time to complete the setting. I like how you describe each color and how they all come together!

-NightGlow- wrote:

The valley was quite vast in size as it was mainly made up of nature that thrived in the land. The one community that did live in the center of the land worked together to harvest the surrounding crops. As the snow banks began to melt - a sign of spring and new beginnings - the cherry blossoms that were a predominant sight in the valley began to blossom. Everywhere you looked, shades of white and pastel pink were present. It was almost like living through a surreal fantasy; something you could only hope for, but would never come true no matter how hard you wished. Although the valley was known for its breathtaking beauty, it was more commonly remembered for all the legends and prophecies that revolved around it.

Good job at giving some background to where the location is again! I love how you implement multiple times the beauty of it, but maybe you could follow up on how that farming community works a bit more.

-NightGlow- wrote:

At the time, the Elders from above as well as common ritual leaders would use their psychic abilities to predict the future. These theories were then stored in orb-like spheres, all encased in glass, to protect them from the eyes of the darkness that lurked within the shadows. Protected at such security, they were forgotten as time went on - despite this, countless greedy individuals did take an occasional hike up to the Ancient Temple of Lost Secrets. As expected, they were met with such fatal deaths since the temple was sealed by the magic from the Elders. Centuries passed and as time went on, the prophecies were lost to wind.

Now a millenia later, our story begins…

Good transition! Again, I love your attention to detail on small pieces of the lore of this place. Maybe you could give a bit more on the specific location of where this magically beautiful place is?

-NightGlow- wrote:

“Sakura,” the hoarse yet sweet voice called from behind, “make sure you return before nightfall. You must know by now how dark it gets at night. The girl’s brown hair flashed past the door as she sprinted away up the valley. Alongside her was a tiny red panda, some might even say that he was her sidekick. Before running down to the stream nearby, she shouted back a reply, hoping that the winds would carry her words.

Even if you pause during a dialogue to go to a description of something, always make sure to capitalize the first letter when you go back to it. This is why I like taking pauses in dialogue between sentences, but it luckily works here if you do it when you go back to it. Also, I think you mayy have forgotten a quotation mark at the end of the dialogue lol. Also, maybe put the dialogue that's below and THEN say the mysterious description at the end of that segment.

-NightGlow- wrote:

“Sobo, don’t worry! I’ll be back before then. Though, don’t you know that the stars are the prettiest in the night sky, when we can see their luminous glow?”

With that, the young girl continued running, the wind blowing against her face turning her cheeks a bright shade of rosy red. Although it was only starting to get warmer, most would’ve described this weather to be pleasant. As Sakura ran down the hill nearby with her red panda, Popo, beside her, she felt as if she was flying. The spirits of those who had fallen before, those who were looking after her - it felt as if they were raising her into the sky for a long awaited embrace. Finally arriving at the grand cherry blossom tree, Sakura settled near the trunk of the tree, and stared at the pleasant view beneath her. Doing so, she brought out a tattered dairy, the cover almost broken in pieces, but known to be hand crafted with love. After briefly staring into the abyss, Sakura opened the diary and laid it down in her lap. Petting back Popo’s red and white fur, a feeling of silk, she began to write.

Great description of her feelings and what's occuring in the scene! Maybe you could try to use a word other than pleasant one of the two times you used it, though (that may just be my ADHD saying it's too repetitive though lol).

“Dear Okaa-san and Otoa-san,

I hope you’re doing well up above. It’s been a while since I last talked to you.. Please don’t be too mad. It’s been quite hard trying to navigate life by myself, but I assure you that I can hang in there. Sobo takes care of me with all of her heart every day, but deep down inside I know that she still weeps your death. At times it feels as if I’m responsible - if I hadn’t pushed and been so needy… you may have been still alive to see me not having to write this.

With every word I write, I can feel a tear trickling down my cheek. It’s as if I’ve kept them in for so long that they’re just waiting to burst. My heart feels stiff, as I’m gasping for air. Despite the beauty that thrives around me, I feel so hopeless and lonely.

Popo has been here, and I guess he’s trying to peer into my book right now. Without him, I don’t know if I’d still be alive to tell you all this. It’s as if time is just ticking away, and I can be myself here. No one will question the tears or ask me why I’m holding onto the pain. Putting up with this act is not as easy as it seems, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

There’s the update on my life- I hope you’re doing better up above.
Sobo says that the night sky is a dangerous place for a girl, but I’d like to believe that there’s more to it than that.

Lots of love from your daughter,
Sakura”

omg i feel like ive said this like ten times atp but AMAZING DESCRIPTION AHH!! The details of how she's feeling in this exact moment and every other moment as well is perfectly captured in this letter to her passed parents. Small question though: How does the letter work? Well, moreso how do are her dead parents able to read the letter? I think maybe you could describe that a little bit.

-NightGlow- wrote:

As soon as she finished signing the letter, tear droplets began to stream down her face. It was as if a dam had just been burst after carefully circulating the water for years. There was no end in sight, but Sakura needed this. A chance to free those bottled up emotions, and to finally accept. It seemed ridiculous to just move on. She proceeded to close the book, and began looking up at the sky. The clouds continued to drift around - where in this world were her parents now?

Wait a second.. didn't she already say in the letter that she was crying? Not too big of a deal, but just a small thing I noticed.

-NightGlow- wrote:

Sensing that something was up with Sakura, Popo tried his best to cheer her up. He climbed into her lap and started to roll around like a happy dog who had just gotten a treat. She began to chuckle - Popo was the one thing that she could count on.

“Aww Popo! Come here, who’s a good boy?” Gaining back some strength, she began to run after Popo. He was heading down the hill towards the bean crops nearby. “Popo! Don’t go there, we need to go back before nightfall, otherwise Sobo will never let us come out again.”

Running after him, Sakura tried to catch him before he caused any more trouble. The two quickly rushed back into the house just in time for dinner. It was as if time had just been ticking away, because as soon as the duo entered the house, Sobo was anxiously waiting for them.

Great ending, and something that you can tell is a pause in the story, but something that can still be continued. This was an amazing story, and yes I agree with you, this could definitely (and should be if you want to!!) be continued! I hope this was helpful, - Summer <3

──★ ˙ yuri critique
607 words … march 5

critiquing this BEAUTIFUL yuri!!!

I laid on the hospital bed, staring blankly at its full, pale face, tears trickling down my face.

quick grammar correction here! “lay” would fit better here than “laid”
it would become -> "I lay on the hospital bed, staring blankly at its full, pale face, tears tricking down my face."

A small envelope rested on the table beside me—within its folds, my heart, suspended in time.

I'm not sure what this is supposed to exactly communicate, so I may have interpreted this wrong ^^ if you're trying to say that the heart was suspended in time, I think it would make more sense to say: "within its folds, my heart was suspended in time."

She was there that morning. For just a few seconds, I saw her. Dad and Shiori were there too. I could see it in her eyes. Her pain, her fear, her sadness. All of it was my fault.
Shizuku turned around and ran. I wanted to call out to her, to beg her not to leave me, but I couldn't get the words out.
Please, Shizuku. Live.

again, so sorry for any incorrect interpretation, but I think this is when kaori dies, right? I think it would makes things clearer if you hinted at that more. you could put, “I wanted to call out to her, to beg her not to leave me, but I couldn't get the words out before my world went dark.” here it implies that she died while still fitting the mood and indirect.

She wasn’t at the funeral. I’m scared.

just a small suggestion, maybe change it to "she wasn't at my funeral." mainly just so that it is clear that it was kaori's funeral. also it helps tell the reader that this is told through her spirit's view after she's already dead.

She told me how she ached after my death, searching for my traces, for my scent on the wind, for my laugh as the sky became golden, and I wept with her, holding her in an ethereal embrace.

this seems like a rather long sentence, and I think a period could go somewhere. maybe put one here: “…for my laugh as the sky became golden. And I wept with her, holding her in an ethereal embrace.” otherwise it looks good!

She told me how she had begun to write once again, how she had turned what she loved into her living, how surreal it all was, and I rejoiced with her, cheering her on with all my heart.

again maybe put a period somewhere, here maybe: “…how surreal it all was. And I rejoiced with her, cheering her on with all my heart.”

Soon, though, Shizuku’s story ended. I was alone again.

I’m scared.

“Kaori…?”
After what felt like an eternity, I hear a quiet, trembling voice. Hers.

Hesitantly, Shizuku asks, “Is it really you, Kaori?”
“Shizuku.”
I rush into her arms, throwing myself into her embrace. I choke back a muffled sob as her gentle, ocean-blue eyes meet mine.
“You kept me waiting, you know,” she teases, smiling softly.
I giggle at that.
“I'm sorry, Shizuku.”

I would suggest providing my clarification, as I am unsure what exactly is going on here. when the story ended and kaori was alone again, did that mean shizuku left the shrine or was there just silence? if it was just silence it would probably be best to replace that phrase. if shizuku left, then I would put, “Soon, though, Shizuku's story ended, as well as her presence. I was alone again.”

it would also be best to replace the “I'm scared” or even remove it entirely. before that, kaori hadn't been very scared when she was alone (or at least that was mentioned), as she had been sleeping. putting more context above it would help.

final thing for this part is that it isn't very clear whether shizuku was also dead, or just somehow saw kaori. perhaps for the “You kept me waiting, you know,” part you could change it to kaori's quote or say something among the lines of “I missed you, you know,” because it makes it sound like shizuku was waiting for kaori to visit her or something. it sounded like kaori just appeared in front of her instead of shizuku dying and finally seeing her.

also, I don't know how you envision ghosts/spirits to look like, but maybe add some ghostly characteristics to shizuku to confirm that she really is dead. like, “I rush into her now-translucent arms.”

-

so yeah, that concludes my critics I guess. just a few changes in grammar and clarification, and you should be good to go! so sorry if I misread anything, and if I also missed some things here.

overall though, this ending was great and felt complete. as well as the story in general was so good! the pacing was amazing and it was very descriptive. I think this was the only piece of media about the summer you were there I've been exposed to and I've already fallen in love with the characters :0 dude this was so awesome sauce I probably will consume content about it for a few hours now lol

607 words

-NotWillow- wrote:

──★ ˙ yuri critique
607 words … march 5

critiquing this BEAUTIFUL yuri!!!

I laid on the hospital bed, staring blankly at its full, pale face, tears trickling down my face.

quick grammar correction here! “lay” would fit better here than “laid”
it would become -> "I lay on the hospital bed, staring blankly at its full, pale face, tears tricking down my face."

A small envelope rested on the table beside me—within its folds, my heart, suspended in time.

I'm not sure what this is supposed to exactly communicate, so I may have interpreted this wrong ^^ if you're trying to say that the heart was suspended in time, I think it would make more sense to say: "within its folds, my heart was suspended in time."

She was there that morning. For just a few seconds, I saw her. Dad and Shiori were there too. I could see it in her eyes. Her pain, her fear, her sadness. All of it was my fault.
Shizuku turned around and ran. I wanted to call out to her, to beg her not to leave me, but I couldn't get the words out.
Please, Shizuku. Live.

again, so sorry for any incorrect interpretation, but I think this is when kaori dies, right? I think it would makes things clearer if you hinted at that more. you could put, “I wanted to call out to her, to beg her not to leave me, but I couldn't get the words out before my world went dark.” here it implies that she died while still fitting the mood and indirect.

She wasn’t at the funeral. I’m scared.

just a small suggestion, maybe change it to "she wasn't at my funeral." mainly just so that it is clear that it was kaori's funeral. also it helps tell the reader that this is told through her spirit's view after she's already dead.

She told me how she ached after my death, searching for my traces, for my scent on the wind, for my laugh as the sky became golden, and I wept with her, holding her in an ethereal embrace.

this seems like a rather long sentence, and I think a period could go somewhere. maybe put one here: “…for my laugh as the sky became golden. And I wept with her, holding her in an ethereal embrace.” otherwise it looks good!

She told me how she had begun to write once again, how she had turned what she loved into her living, how surreal it all was, and I rejoiced with her, cheering her on with all my heart.

again maybe put a period somewhere, here maybe: “…how surreal it all was. And I rejoiced with her, cheering her on with all my heart.”

Soon, though, Shizuku’s story ended. I was alone again.

I’m scared.

“Kaori…?”
After what felt like an eternity, I hear a quiet, trembling voice. Hers.

Hesitantly, Shizuku asks, “Is it really you, Kaori?”
“Shizuku.”
I rush into her arms, throwing myself into her embrace. I choke back a muffled sob as her gentle, ocean-blue eyes meet mine.
“You kept me waiting, you know,” she teases, smiling softly.
I giggle at that.
“I'm sorry, Shizuku.”

I would suggest providing my clarification, as I am unsure what exactly is going on here. when the story ended and kaori was alone again, did that mean shizuku left the shrine or was there just silence? if it was just silence it would probably be best to replace that phrase. if shizuku left, then I would put, “Soon, though, Shizuku's story ended, as well as her presence. I was alone again.”

it would also be best to replace the “I'm scared” or even remove it entirely. before that, kaori hadn't been very scared when she was alone (or at least that was mentioned), as she had been sleeping. putting more context above it would help.

final thing for this part is that it isn't very clear whether shizuku was also dead, or just somehow saw kaori. perhaps for the “You kept me waiting, you know,” part you could change it to kaori's quote or say something among the lines of “I missed you, you know,” because it makes it sound like shizuku was waiting for kaori to visit her or something. it sounded like kaori just appeared in front of her instead of shizuku dying and finally seeing her.

also, I don't know how you envision ghosts/spirits to look like, but maybe add some ghostly characteristics to shizuku to confirm that she really is dead. like, “I rush into her now-translucent arms.”

-

so yeah, that concludes my critics I guess. just a few changes in grammar and clarification, and you should be good to go! so sorry if I misread anything, and if I also missed some things here.

overall though, this ending was great and felt complete. as well as the story in general was so good! the pacing was amazing and it was very descriptive. I think this was the only piece of media about the summer you were there I've been exposed to and I've already fallen in love with the characters :0 dude this was so awesome sauce I probably will consume content about it for a few hours now lol

607 words

omg thank u!! i was pretty uncertain about how to end it so that definitely helps a lot i also have a definite problem with really long sentences now that you point that out
about the envelope —basically, it's kaori's love letter to shizuku that she wrote a very short time before she dies in the manga. it is very emotional. tbh a lot of the stuff i wrote probably would make more sense if it comes with the context of having read the manga. you should read the manga!! /lh

Critique for @-NotWillow-! 645 words.

Let's start off with a positive note! I love, love, LOVE the angst. Tsunami's inner conflict is really compelling, split between her duty to her kingdom and her loyalty to her friends, and it feels very in character for her. 10/10

I do have a few minor grammar nitpicks that are literally just single character changes. In the phrase “Fire rained down from above, they would be caught again if they didn't act quickly.” I would suggest either changing the comma to a semicolon, period, or em dash or adding an “and” after the comma because the current construction feels a little bit funky. I don't know how to describe it exactly.

““Please.” He pleaded…” The period here should be a comma and “he” should be uncapitalized

“…what the Talons of Peace said we would do.” She explained…” same thing as above, swap the period for a comma and uncapitalize (uncapitalize? decapitalize? lowercasify?) the she

““So that’s it.” Glory said bluntly…” Period into a comma. Same old.

“It’s not gone.” Tsunami started firmly…” Same as above. Is “started” here meant to be stated?

As for the Morrowind sentence—Tsunami could either be sighing out her speech, in which case the period should be a comma, or sighing after speaking, in which case the way you have it is correct. It all depends on how you want it to be read, but I personally would separate the sighing and speech if the latter is how it is intended to read out.

“…I suppose we can’t stop you.” He said, calming down…” Period into comma, “He” into “he”

“…It’s your choice.” She said admittingly…” period into a comma, “She” into “she”. Said admittingly is a little clunky, I would shorten it into “admitted”.

“…should go our separate ways.” Starflight said…” Period into comma, you get the drill.

“Sunny’s eyes grew distant, as she stared at the floor, discouraged.” The comma between “distant” and “as” should be removed. A tip for placing commas is reading out the sentence in your head—wherever there's a pause, you should probably have a comma, and wherever it's continuously flowing, no comma is needed ^•^

“Tsunami watched as her friends who she once considered family…” who should be whom—friends is the direct object of considered.

Regarding the ending, I like the finality of “This was the fate she had chosen.” I would recommend shifting a few of the sentences around to give off that sense of decisiveness—like, instead of “If she wanted to become queen someday, she would need to fight for her kingdom” you could have “She would be queen one day. She had to fight for her kingdom.” It's kinda minor but I think it works with the resolve of her choosing this specific fate over what is essentially her family.

“She basically abandoned her friends, but that was no excuse to not help her tribe in the middle of a battle.” I think that the first part kind of leaves out Tsunami's active choice to leave behind the other dragonets. In my opinion, it could work better if there was a sense of cause and effect to the sentence—she abandoned her friends, and so she has to save her tribe because she gave up the dragonets for them.

To be honest, “They took turns saying goodbye.” sort of lacks the emotional impact I would have expected from parting with someone who is basically a sister. I would add an emotional punch here to emphasize that they are going to be gone for a while doing their dragonet things without Tsunami. idk. yea

I'm really sorry if I came off as a harsh. I genuinely think that this is very good and a super compelling story! It's already really immersive and emotional, and you should be super proud of it!

um i don't know how to close these things out

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

◪ Critique 1
Wordcount: 323
Person critiqued: ariikaii
Their work: A Graduation Speech
Cabin: Cyber Punk

Well, bestie, you're in luck, because good old Ava here is the resident speech maker </3 Classmates literally THROW sheets of paper in my face to help me edit their speeches (which is not always desirable), and I consume debates like they're actual meals, so let's make your speech the BEST speech there is!

good morning/afternoon parents, teachers, friends and other people. its an honor to stand here today, but i know i didn’t get here by myself. my name is ari. this is my very amazing speech about my first year of .

Okay, so I'm assuming that you're leaving a black since you don't want to state the school you're in (for obvious safety reasons.) I would personally start my own speeches in a more sleek way, which is something I usually do to get attention from the crowd. Instead of starting with the greeting, start with some sort of quote or a different part of your speech:

“When I stand up in front of all of you, I feel immense honor. Yet, I know I didn't get here by myself. Good morning, everyone in the crowd who listens, my name is ari…”

That's more of how I would write my speeches!!

to my fellow classmates, thank you for everything, no matter if you change schools, or stay in , i’ll always remember you. i know theres some of you who i have had really good relationships with, and i wish you all the best next school year.

I immediately get what you're trying to say because I'm reading it, but somebody who hears it outloud might be a little confused. When you write specific clauses thanking a group of people, putting more pauses to emphasize the multiple things you're talking about really helps when speaking! This is how I would do it:

“To my fellow classmates, thank you for all that you've treated me with. Whether you change schools or continue here, I will never forget you. There are many of you with whom I've had really good relationships, and I wish only the best for your next year.”

The next two paragraphs are about the parents and the teachers, which I would also rewrite in a similar way! It's always better to have tangible sentences and emphasize full stops at important points, because it brings out the best parts of your speech.

Overall, this isn't a bad speech at all! Don't take my changes to heart if you don't like them- everybody has a different way of speaking and presenting their work. Just because I would do it in a different way doesn't mean you shouldn't! Whenever and wherever you present this speech, I hope that you do your very best! Thank you for letting me critique it <3

critiquitaire 06/03

Paper: GCSE English Language Unit 2 - Autumn 2020
Question: A7

Compare what the writers of Text B and Text C say about the possible benefits of eating insects. You must make it clear from which text you get your information.

Firstly, Text B outlines some of the environmental benefits associated with eating insects compared to raising livestock, since “rearing cattle uses valuable land inefficiently”, but “insects are tremendously efficient” and “could be a more appropriate source of protein”. Similarly, Text C provides evidence suggesting that insects could be an alternative, ecologically appealing protein source, since they “emit far fewer greenhouse gases” and “way less water” than livestock, whilst being able to “thrive on basically anything, even organic waste”.

In addition, Text B describes the reasons why insects are so environmentally friendly, as they are "tremendously efficient at converting vegetation… into protein that can be eaten”. On the other hand, Text C claims that there is no difference between the protein output of insects compared to the animals commonly raised for consumption today, when researchers found that “those that ate a diet of food waste were no more efficient in producing protein than chickens.”

Further on, Text B describes the benefits of eating insects in the event of a protein shortage. According to the text, “as the world population heads towards nine billion by 2045, eating insects could be a more appropriate source of protein”. Similarly, Text C provides some evidence to support this claim, with the “United Nations promot(ing) insect-eating as a promising, protein-packed way” to feed the growing population.

Later, Text B mentions the possibility of creating an industry around raising insects for consumption, since “we could farm insects in the UK”. Similarly, Text C claims that while insects may not be as protein-efficient when fed on food waste, “the farming of insects is more likely to contribute effectively to human nutrition”.

Overall, Text B has a much more positive opinion on eating insects and their benefits, while Text C concludes that the benefits are overexaggerated.

War with -NightGlow-
3 mins, prompt: “I told you we needed more glitter.”

Dear diary,
Hey! I'm back. It's been a little while since I wrote, and to be honest MAYBE I have been stalling a little. But sometimes I struggle to think of what to write or how to say how I'm feeling or what I want to say, but I guess we can start small - I'll tell you about my day
Off to a great start (sarcasm btw), my little sister wanted me to help her with a project before we left for school in the morning, so I said sure because why not.
She's obsessed with glitter, too obsessed, so she wanted to include this big card emblazoned with LOTS of pink glitter, and I wasn't too keen. Glitter gets EVERYWHERE and I wasn't about to be finding pieces of glitter on my clothes or in my hair for the next two weeks, not to mention having to clean up the mess. I reluctantly agreed however, except I sanctinoed her a little, making sure she wouldn't use more than half the small tub. She protested at first, but since I was helping she had to agree.
We pour some glitter on the card for the face of this contraption (I honestly still have no idea what it is to be honest, she tried to explain it to me but between you and me I think even she doesn't know what it is precisely), and I stop

236 words