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- CleverComment
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Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
model girlfriend (1995 words)
Steven was lonely – very lonely. Lying in his messy bed, he felt completely and utterly alone.
He shouldn’t be; living in New York City, he was constantly surrounded by millions of lights, lives, and limousines. Yet, being near so many people made Steven feel like a loner. There he was, at midnight, in his small apartment, scrolling on his cracked phone.
Life was supposed to get better after college, that’s what they all told him. But, one year after graduating, Steven felt disappointed, let-down – his life was a movie that didn’t meet his expectations. Everyday felt the same – no, everyday was the same. A mindless routine, an endless train going in circles. Steven yearned for something different, something that would bring flavor to his life.
He had no roommates, and his family lived on the other side of the country. Most importantly, Steven didn’t have a partner. His parents were already married at his age – 24 – and he was still single. Stanley, his best friend, was already planning a proposal to his girlfriend.
Steven hadn’t even had his first kiss yet!
Of course, he’d tried dating apps: Timber, Bumble, Hinge, to name a few. He’d been on a few dates, but none of them had worked out. In fact, he’d had one earlier today. The girl, Emily – or Emma? –, had walked away as soon as Steven paid the bill. When he tried to text her, he found that she had blocked him.
At that time, he had to resist the urge to throw his phone. Now, with the dark vulnerability of the night, he couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in his heart. With every passing day, the hole in his heart grew wider; Steven needed someone in his life, otherwise who would he be?
I guess this is my life now. He let out a small chuckle, but there was truth in his statement. Sighing, Steven turned back to the addictive comfort of this phone.
To an onlooker, it was a sorrowful sight. While bedsheets covered his body, blue light revealed his drooping features: squinted eyes, disheveled blond hair. Of course, he didn’t want to continue – but he didn’t want to stop, either. Waves of endless shorts consumed his mind: the same screaming, sped-up song; the same content creators faking their lives for views. It was horrible, and fascinating.
Steven’s thumb swiped up, and he dully watched a Tiktoker, hair resembling a bird’s nest, describe his hot girlfriend. Urgh. Not this again. He began to swipe, but then the Tiktoker said something – “Find yours with this link!”.
Steven’s thumb stopped. Find yours?
He furrowed his brows and let the TikTok play. “I’ve always wanted a girlfriend,” bird’s nest said. “But, thanks to BANG, my dreams became my reality! You, yes, you” – he pointed at the camera – “can do the same. With a 100% match rate, find yours with this link!”
Watching in subdued wonder, Steven dared to hope. Was this the chance? Can I finally find love?
It seemed as if the universe had given a sign – a sign that could not be ignored. Steven clicked on the link and was instantly transferred to a webpage. A sleek, monochromatic design emphasized the company’s name, BANG. Then, scrolling down, Steven saw the words “Find your ideal girlfriend”. Interesting…
First off, he’d love a partner with blonde hair and blue eyes, just like him. In fact, he always liked girls with long and wavy hair, going down past their shoulders – Steven made sure to specify that.
When he reached the nationality section, he paused. Obviously, he was American. But, did he want an American girlfriend? Maybe she could come from an exotic country? Steven always fancied Swedish girls – Korean girls, too… After a few moments, he settled on “British”; it was the perfect balance between familiar and foreign. Besides, British accents are hot.
The last section asked for his ideal girlfriend’s name. What kind of question is that? He thought for a minute, then left it blank.
Finally, he was done. But before he could submit, Steven was greeted with a “Pay now” page. Urgh. Of course. All good things come with a price, literally. His strained eyes glanced at the cost, a whopping $499.99. His eyes widened – for a moment, he was unsure. Could this sketchy website even find a girl nearby that met his requirements?
But, he really wanted – no, needed – a girlfriend. Nothing could stop the price of love, and so, Steven paid the bill. After all, you only live once.
He looked through the windows of his empty apartment, stars shining in the night. Can my endless lonely days finally end?
Steven’s eyes suddenly darted to the time: 3:06 a.m. Yikes. He put his phone away and settled into a comfortable position. Please, please work. And with that, he closed his eyes.
In the city that never sleeps, Steven slept.
~
When Steven woke, the city was in full swing. At its zenith in the blue sky, the sun was the disco ball, brightening the party below. The music was composed of a cacophony of car honks. Pedestrians navigated the dance floor, seeking shade to avoid the sweltering heat.
It was noon, and it was noon in the city.
Steven rubbed his eyes and sat up. For some reason, his pillow was on the floor, and he had rotated to the other side of his bed. Sitting up, the events of the night came back in vivid detail. He winced – did I really spend $500 to find another girlfriend? It was too early to contemplate his decisions, so he got out of bed.
Steven had a quick breakfast, then sat back on the mattress – he never really had anything to do on weekends. Stanley’s visiting tonight, he thought. At least I’ll have something to look forward to.
In the meantime, should he go grocery shopping? Or stay indoors, with the A/C? Before he could decide, a firm knock came from the door.
That’s weird – Stanley wasn’t due for a few hours. Steven walked to the door, a whole three steps from his bed, and opened it.
Standing outside his door was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She wasn’t just pretty, no – she was drop-dead gorgeous. With her long lashes and slightly puffy lips, she looked like she came from heaven. To top it off, the woman bore a striking resemblance to Steven’s preferences: luscious blonde hair, going down below her shoulders, and electric blue eyes.
Steven stood in shock; it wasn’t everyday that he was greeted by a literal angel outside his door. After a few moments, he mustered up the courage. “Hi,” he said, then winced – someone help me.
The woman smiled, and Steven’s world lit up. “Hello, is this Steven?” she asked, traces of a British accent present.
He put his hands in his pockets, trying to appear unbothered. “Yeah, that’s me,” he replied, then paused. “How did you know?”
She nodded, and Steven wondered how she made the smallest things look so perfect. “We matched on BANG yesterday, and I wanted to get to know you better.”
“Oh,” said Steven. He looked her up and down. “Wow, you look exactly like who I wanted my girlfriend to be,” he said casually.
She winked. “And you look like my perfect boyfriend,” she smirked. “My name is Aimee, pleased to meet you.”
Steven’s head was still wrapped around the “perfect boyfriend” part, but he grinned and ran his fingers through his hair. “So,” he gestured back, “do you want to come in?”
Aimee’s electric blue eyes glanced at the apartment. “I never thought you would inquire.” The hint of a smile played on her lips. “Care to lead me in?”
Oh my gosh – she had extended her hand out. He gave a wobbly smile. “Sure,” he said. Steven reached his hand out, and hesitated. He looked down and met Aimee’s expectant gaze; then, after a split second, he took her hand.
It was silky smooth, so smooth that he could melt in it. Her touch was a dove’s feather, and for a moment, he could feel nothing else. Then, gently holding her hand, Steven led Aimee into the apartment.
His studio apartment was in rough condition: his disheveled bed, the remains of his breakfast in the sink, his clothes strewn on the wooden floor. “Sorry,” he said, turning around to face her. “It usually doesn’t look like this.” Hopefully she believes me.
Aimee laughed, a bubbling sound that made Steven forget his worries. “Do not worry, I have seen much worse.” She squeezed his hand, and his heart gave a little jolt.
The only available space in the apartment was Steven’s unmade bed, so they sat at its edge. Just a few hours ago, I was scrolling here in the dead of night. Now, he was holding hands with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. His bed, once a symbol of his loneliness, was now where he sat with his lover.
Steven looked at Aimee’s perfect face, then flinched. Her eyes, now inches away, were strikingly blue. It was almost unnatural, the intensity of her electric gaze – too rich to be real. And, when she was staring at him, it seemed as if her pupils were constantly twitching, ever so slightly.
He blinked, and the moment ended. “Stevie,” Aimee said, placing her hand on his shoulder. “May I call you Stevie?”
Suddenly, Steven couldn’t imagine being called anything else. “Yes,” he grinned. “Yes, you can.”
She smiled back at him. “Stevie,” she repeated. “It is so nice to finally meet you. I have been waiting for this moment.”
Steven broke eye contact and looked around his small apartment. “I never thought this would happen.” He turned to his thoughts. This is what my life can be. He had found her, Aimee, the love of his life. The girl he trusted, the girl he loved, the girl he would spend the rest of his life with.
His girlfriend.
The whir of the air conditioner brought Steven back to reality. Aimee was inches away, tucking her blonde hair under her ear. He moved his hand tentatively to her side, and was greeted by a smile. Was this going to be it?
Aimee leaned towards him, her exhales on his face. His heart pumped rapidly, and he could feel his breaths grow shallow. Closing his eyes, Steven slowly leaned towards his girlfriend, blood rushing, mind racing. And, just like that, it happened.
For a moment, he felt nothing. Silence, and darkness. All at once, a violent rush went to his head. He felt a thousand wildfires, a thousand fireworks, a thousand burning stars. This is really happening. Steven was exuberant.
Out of nowhere, a metallic taste entered his mouth. He felt as if he was biting down on an old, rusted coin; it was horrible. Steven instantly pulled away, coughing. Just like that, it was over.
Aimee glanced at him, patting his back with her silky smooth hand. “Would you like me to assist you?”
A bitter aftertaste remained; it was almost as if there was metal in Aimee’s mouth when they had kissed. “No,” he said. The memory of his exuberance resurfaced, and Steven beamed. “Wow, I can’t believe we just did that.”
She winked, then rose, taking her hands off his shoulder. “I think I have overstayed my welcome,” Aimee said. Hand on the doorknob, she smiled at him. “See you soon, Stevie.” And, in the blink of an eye, she was gone.
Sitting on his bed, Steven was alone for the second time that day. But, this time, he wasn’t truly alone. He had met someone new; she was perfect, almost too good to be true. His life was bursting with millions of new possibilities, but all of them involved her. I have a girlfriend. Grinning, he laid back in his messy bed.
Steven was no longer lonely; he was in love.
Steven was lonely – very lonely. Lying in his messy bed, he felt completely and utterly alone.
He shouldn’t be; living in New York City, he was constantly surrounded by millions of lights, lives, and limousines. Yet, being near so many people made Steven feel like a loner. There he was, at midnight, in his small apartment, scrolling on his cracked phone.
Life was supposed to get better after college, that’s what they all told him. But, one year after graduating, Steven felt disappointed, let-down – his life was a movie that didn’t meet his expectations. Everyday felt the same – no, everyday was the same. A mindless routine, an endless train going in circles. Steven yearned for something different, something that would bring flavor to his life.
He had no roommates, and his family lived on the other side of the country. Most importantly, Steven didn’t have a partner. His parents were already married at his age – 24 – and he was still single. Stanley, his best friend, was already planning a proposal to his girlfriend.
Steven hadn’t even had his first kiss yet!
Of course, he’d tried dating apps: Timber, Bumble, Hinge, to name a few. He’d been on a few dates, but none of them had worked out. In fact, he’d had one earlier today. The girl, Emily – or Emma? –, had walked away as soon as Steven paid the bill. When he tried to text her, he found that she had blocked him.
At that time, he had to resist the urge to throw his phone. Now, with the dark vulnerability of the night, he couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in his heart. With every passing day, the hole in his heart grew wider; Steven needed someone in his life, otherwise who would he be?
I guess this is my life now. He let out a small chuckle, but there was truth in his statement. Sighing, Steven turned back to the addictive comfort of this phone.
To an onlooker, it was a sorrowful sight. While bedsheets covered his body, blue light revealed his drooping features: squinted eyes, disheveled blond hair. Of course, he didn’t want to continue – but he didn’t want to stop, either. Waves of endless shorts consumed his mind: the same screaming, sped-up song; the same content creators faking their lives for views. It was horrible, and fascinating.
Steven’s thumb swiped up, and he dully watched a Tiktoker, hair resembling a bird’s nest, describe his hot girlfriend. Urgh. Not this again. He began to swipe, but then the Tiktoker said something – “Find yours with this link!”.
Steven’s thumb stopped. Find yours?
He furrowed his brows and let the TikTok play. “I’ve always wanted a girlfriend,” bird’s nest said. “But, thanks to BANG, my dreams became my reality! You, yes, you” – he pointed at the camera – “can do the same. With a 100% match rate, find yours with this link!”
Watching in subdued wonder, Steven dared to hope. Was this the chance? Can I finally find love?
It seemed as if the universe had given a sign – a sign that could not be ignored. Steven clicked on the link and was instantly transferred to a webpage. A sleek, monochromatic design emphasized the company’s name, BANG. Then, scrolling down, Steven saw the words “Find your ideal girlfriend”. Interesting…
First off, he’d love a partner with blonde hair and blue eyes, just like him. In fact, he always liked girls with long and wavy hair, going down past their shoulders – Steven made sure to specify that.
When he reached the nationality section, he paused. Obviously, he was American. But, did he want an American girlfriend? Maybe she could come from an exotic country? Steven always fancied Swedish girls – Korean girls, too… After a few moments, he settled on “British”; it was the perfect balance between familiar and foreign. Besides, British accents are hot.
The last section asked for his ideal girlfriend’s name. What kind of question is that? He thought for a minute, then left it blank.
Finally, he was done. But before he could submit, Steven was greeted with a “Pay now” page. Urgh. Of course. All good things come with a price, literally. His strained eyes glanced at the cost, a whopping $499.99. His eyes widened – for a moment, he was unsure. Could this sketchy website even find a girl nearby that met his requirements?
But, he really wanted – no, needed – a girlfriend. Nothing could stop the price of love, and so, Steven paid the bill. After all, you only live once.
He looked through the windows of his empty apartment, stars shining in the night. Can my endless lonely days finally end?
Steven’s eyes suddenly darted to the time: 3:06 a.m. Yikes. He put his phone away and settled into a comfortable position. Please, please work. And with that, he closed his eyes.
In the city that never sleeps, Steven slept.
~
When Steven woke, the city was in full swing. At its zenith in the blue sky, the sun was the disco ball, brightening the party below. The music was composed of a cacophony of car honks. Pedestrians navigated the dance floor, seeking shade to avoid the sweltering heat.
It was noon, and it was noon in the city.
Steven rubbed his eyes and sat up. For some reason, his pillow was on the floor, and he had rotated to the other side of his bed. Sitting up, the events of the night came back in vivid detail. He winced – did I really spend $500 to find another girlfriend? It was too early to contemplate his decisions, so he got out of bed.
Steven had a quick breakfast, then sat back on the mattress – he never really had anything to do on weekends. Stanley’s visiting tonight, he thought. At least I’ll have something to look forward to.
In the meantime, should he go grocery shopping? Or stay indoors, with the A/C? Before he could decide, a firm knock came from the door.
That’s weird – Stanley wasn’t due for a few hours. Steven walked to the door, a whole three steps from his bed, and opened it.
Standing outside his door was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She wasn’t just pretty, no – she was drop-dead gorgeous. With her long lashes and slightly puffy lips, she looked like she came from heaven. To top it off, the woman bore a striking resemblance to Steven’s preferences: luscious blonde hair, going down below her shoulders, and electric blue eyes.
Steven stood in shock; it wasn’t everyday that he was greeted by a literal angel outside his door. After a few moments, he mustered up the courage. “Hi,” he said, then winced – someone help me.
The woman smiled, and Steven’s world lit up. “Hello, is this Steven?” she asked, traces of a British accent present.
He put his hands in his pockets, trying to appear unbothered. “Yeah, that’s me,” he replied, then paused. “How did you know?”
She nodded, and Steven wondered how she made the smallest things look so perfect. “We matched on BANG yesterday, and I wanted to get to know you better.”
“Oh,” said Steven. He looked her up and down. “Wow, you look exactly like who I wanted my girlfriend to be,” he said casually.
She winked. “And you look like my perfect boyfriend,” she smirked. “My name is Aimee, pleased to meet you.”
Steven’s head was still wrapped around the “perfect boyfriend” part, but he grinned and ran his fingers through his hair. “So,” he gestured back, “do you want to come in?”
Aimee’s electric blue eyes glanced at the apartment. “I never thought you would inquire.” The hint of a smile played on her lips. “Care to lead me in?”
Oh my gosh – she had extended her hand out. He gave a wobbly smile. “Sure,” he said. Steven reached his hand out, and hesitated. He looked down and met Aimee’s expectant gaze; then, after a split second, he took her hand.
It was silky smooth, so smooth that he could melt in it. Her touch was a dove’s feather, and for a moment, he could feel nothing else. Then, gently holding her hand, Steven led Aimee into the apartment.
His studio apartment was in rough condition: his disheveled bed, the remains of his breakfast in the sink, his clothes strewn on the wooden floor. “Sorry,” he said, turning around to face her. “It usually doesn’t look like this.” Hopefully she believes me.
Aimee laughed, a bubbling sound that made Steven forget his worries. “Do not worry, I have seen much worse.” She squeezed his hand, and his heart gave a little jolt.
The only available space in the apartment was Steven’s unmade bed, so they sat at its edge. Just a few hours ago, I was scrolling here in the dead of night. Now, he was holding hands with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. His bed, once a symbol of his loneliness, was now where he sat with his lover.
Steven looked at Aimee’s perfect face, then flinched. Her eyes, now inches away, were strikingly blue. It was almost unnatural, the intensity of her electric gaze – too rich to be real. And, when she was staring at him, it seemed as if her pupils were constantly twitching, ever so slightly.
He blinked, and the moment ended. “Stevie,” Aimee said, placing her hand on his shoulder. “May I call you Stevie?”
Suddenly, Steven couldn’t imagine being called anything else. “Yes,” he grinned. “Yes, you can.”
She smiled back at him. “Stevie,” she repeated. “It is so nice to finally meet you. I have been waiting for this moment.”
Steven broke eye contact and looked around his small apartment. “I never thought this would happen.” He turned to his thoughts. This is what my life can be. He had found her, Aimee, the love of his life. The girl he trusted, the girl he loved, the girl he would spend the rest of his life with.
His girlfriend.
The whir of the air conditioner brought Steven back to reality. Aimee was inches away, tucking her blonde hair under her ear. He moved his hand tentatively to her side, and was greeted by a smile. Was this going to be it?
Aimee leaned towards him, her exhales on his face. His heart pumped rapidly, and he could feel his breaths grow shallow. Closing his eyes, Steven slowly leaned towards his girlfriend, blood rushing, mind racing. And, just like that, it happened.
For a moment, he felt nothing. Silence, and darkness. All at once, a violent rush went to his head. He felt a thousand wildfires, a thousand fireworks, a thousand burning stars. This is really happening. Steven was exuberant.
Out of nowhere, a metallic taste entered his mouth. He felt as if he was biting down on an old, rusted coin; it was horrible. Steven instantly pulled away, coughing. Just like that, it was over.
Aimee glanced at him, patting his back with her silky smooth hand. “Would you like me to assist you?”
A bitter aftertaste remained; it was almost as if there was metal in Aimee’s mouth when they had kissed. “No,” he said. The memory of his exuberance resurfaced, and Steven beamed. “Wow, I can’t believe we just did that.”
She winked, then rose, taking her hands off his shoulder. “I think I have overstayed my welcome,” Aimee said. Hand on the doorknob, she smiled at him. “See you soon, Stevie.” And, in the blink of an eye, she was gone.
Sitting on his bed, Steven was alone for the second time that day. But, this time, he wasn’t truly alone. He had met someone new; she was perfect, almost too good to be true. His life was bursting with millions of new possibilities, but all of them involved her. I have a girlfriend. Grinning, he laid back in his messy bed.
Steven was no longer lonely; he was in love.
author's note
Last edited by CleverComment (July 26, 2025 23:59:18)
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
model girlfriend - author's note
hi! thank you so much for reading the piece, as well as this author's note!! i know that for the past few entries, i haven't really wrote much, but for this one specifically, i have a few things to say.
the idea for this piece struck me one night this july, and i laid in bed for a long time planning what i could do with it… i think i was subconsciously inspired by duncanyounot's video about ai girlfriends (yes aimee is an ai girlfriend hehe). something that intrigued me was how he was able to pick exactly who we wanted her to be, and i wanted to write something about that.
something else that inspired me was a conversation i had with my older sister about how one of her friends can't stand to be alone romantically, which i think is something that lots of people can relate to. i wanted to explore the lengths of what someone would do to find a lover, even if it's not necessarily the best thing to do! and how people will ignore the flaws of someone, because they perceive their lover as perfect.
i wanted to write this story to satirize deluded lovers, but also people's trust in ai. this is actually only the first half of the story i want to write, so the second half will focus a lot more on the ai part (let me know if you want to be updated!). when writing this story, i read that like 80% of gen-z would consider marrying an ai, and i think that's so crazy? so steven's blind devotion to aimee is representing how people will follow ai all the time.
something also that i was taking into consideration is that i feel like lots of the stories in the writing comp are super emotional (which is amazing). but i wanted to do something different and write a story that's not necessarily heartwarming nor heartwrenching, but just fun to read.
this is the longest story i wrote so far, and i really liked it!! i wrote a lot of the first scene at the backseat of my mom's car under the cover of darkness, listening to my favorite songs, and it was such a mood. i'm really really proud of this story and i hope you enjoyed it.
thank you SO much to may, kiara, sofa, and leopard for critiquing. it was super helpful and it would not be the same without you guys!
also shoutout to chatgpt for giving me tips on how to make aimee sound more robotic (i know this piece was satirizing people's trust in ai… but dw about it, it's all part of a larger plan trust)
and finally, thank you so much to dragon for being through the whole process, from when i first had the idea to when i finished the first draft to finally submitting the piece. u r the best <333
fun fact: BANG stands for “Build a New Girlfriend”. also aimee's name was chosen because it starts with “ai”. also, after i chose it, i found out that it means “beloved”, which is a nice touch! also im a taylor swift fan so thank you aimee hehe
hi! thank you so much for reading the piece, as well as this author's note!! i know that for the past few entries, i haven't really wrote much, but for this one specifically, i have a few things to say.
the idea for this piece struck me one night this july, and i laid in bed for a long time planning what i could do with it… i think i was subconsciously inspired by duncanyounot's video about ai girlfriends (yes aimee is an ai girlfriend hehe). something that intrigued me was how he was able to pick exactly who we wanted her to be, and i wanted to write something about that.
something else that inspired me was a conversation i had with my older sister about how one of her friends can't stand to be alone romantically, which i think is something that lots of people can relate to. i wanted to explore the lengths of what someone would do to find a lover, even if it's not necessarily the best thing to do! and how people will ignore the flaws of someone, because they perceive their lover as perfect.
i wanted to write this story to satirize deluded lovers, but also people's trust in ai. this is actually only the first half of the story i want to write, so the second half will focus a lot more on the ai part (let me know if you want to be updated!). when writing this story, i read that like 80% of gen-z would consider marrying an ai, and i think that's so crazy? so steven's blind devotion to aimee is representing how people will follow ai all the time.
something also that i was taking into consideration is that i feel like lots of the stories in the writing comp are super emotional (which is amazing). but i wanted to do something different and write a story that's not necessarily heartwarming nor heartwrenching, but just fun to read.
this is the longest story i wrote so far, and i really liked it!! i wrote a lot of the first scene at the backseat of my mom's car under the cover of darkness, listening to my favorite songs, and it was such a mood. i'm really really proud of this story and i hope you enjoyed it.
thank you SO much to may, kiara, sofa, and leopard for critiquing. it was super helpful and it would not be the same without you guys!
also shoutout to chatgpt for giving me tips on how to make aimee sound more robotic (i know this piece was satirizing people's trust in ai… but dw about it, it's all part of a larger plan trust)
and finally, thank you so much to dragon for being through the whole process, from when i first had the idea to when i finished the first draft to finally submitting the piece. u r the best <333
fun fact: BANG stands for “Build a New Girlfriend”. also aimee's name was chosen because it starts with “ai”. also, after i chose it, i found out that it means “beloved”, which is a nice touch! also im a taylor swift fan so thank you aimee hehe
Last edited by CleverComment (July 27, 2025 17:42:12)
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
7/28 Bestselling Bookstore daily! (155 words)
After Jaime died in a freak accident, she leaves her lover to grieve with her loss. But, little does he know, Jaime still breathes the air as he does – as a ghost. Unable to wrap her head around her death, she vows to remain on earth until the day her lover passes away. Day after day, Jaime explores her life in a new perspective, unable to talk to anyone else. Her lover grieves her loss, while she grieves his. As days turn into years, Jaime’s lover slowly finds a new partner and lives a happy life. Unable to find the closure she needs, she can’t stop following her lover, trying to do anything to reach him. He’s moved on with his life, while Jaime is eternally confined to his, picturing the life they could’ve had together. She didn’t want to pass away, but is living a haunted life just as bad? Jaime can’t tell the difference…
After Jaime died in a freak accident, she leaves her lover to grieve with her loss. But, little does he know, Jaime still breathes the air as he does – as a ghost. Unable to wrap her head around her death, she vows to remain on earth until the day her lover passes away. Day after day, Jaime explores her life in a new perspective, unable to talk to anyone else. Her lover grieves her loss, while she grieves his. As days turn into years, Jaime’s lover slowly finds a new partner and lives a happy life. Unable to find the closure she needs, she can’t stop following her lover, trying to do anything to reach him. He’s moved on with his life, while Jaime is eternally confined to his, picturing the life they could’ve had together. She didn’t want to pass away, but is living a haunted life just as bad? Jaime can’t tell the difference…
Last edited by CleverComment (July 28, 2025 23:58:34)
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
unofficial critique for dragon!! (784 words)
EEK im so excited!
here it is! ill just give some quick, line-by-line fixes (compared to like the whole piece and how to change it). ALSO THIS IS ONLY CRITIQUE FROM ME, YOU ARE THE AUTHOR IN THE END!
it could be
if you wanted to, you could also italicize it! (but also take this with a grain of salt, because if you italicize every last line of the stanza, it might not stand out as much)
) for me personally (idk if it's what you'd agree with tho, listen to your heart first), i'd remove the “Haha” in the second line?? because the “just” and “don't we” already show the kinda sarcastic vibe? also maybe adding a line after the first line to show how they laugh cruelly or something would be good!
ermmm for the third line, i'd maybe italicize or put it in parentheses to emphasize it! and for the last line… im not super sure about it, i get where youre going with it but it kinda throws me off so maybe you could remove it, or change it to something else, like a final statement about laughing with the monsters. or smth?? IDKKKK
i think some things to consider: for me the 3rd line, i like removing “like” and making it a metaphor, for ex: “It's a fork on a chalkboard, nails on rusty metal” or you could even remove the “it's”, up to you if u even want to change it tho!
also i think having an emdash at the of the “having fun” line could be rlly good to connect the final two lines!
ok overall i really really liked this, it was so poetic and it was one of the best pieces from u that i read. i love the different stanzas starting the same and having some variation. i interpreted the poem about how someone kinda is scared of dark thoughts and the brutal reality of life (both physical and mental monsters), but pretends they dont really exist and try to erase them due to that. THX FOR LETTING ME CRITIQUE, LOVED IT <333
EEK im so excited!
here it is! ill just give some quick, line-by-line fixes (compared to like the whole piece and how to change it). ALSO THIS IS ONLY CRITIQUE FROM ME, YOU ARE THE AUTHOR IN THE END!I only fear monsters,for all of the other stanzas, there's a period after the second line, so maybe add that after “bed” for consistency.
The ones under your bed
They watch you writhe under their petrifying gaze“The skeletons never fully decompose” sounds like it's kinda on its own, so if you want to emphasize it, you could put it in italics or in parentheses? up to you tho, this is just a stylistic choice!
And make you shrivel up on the inside.
The skeletons never fully decompose.
it could be
They watch you writhe under their petrifying gazeor
And make you shrivel up on the inside.
The skeletons never fully decompose.
They watch you writhe under their petrifying gazeif you wanted!
And make you shrivel up on the inside.
(The skeletons never fully decompose.)
I only fear monsters,idk if you wanted to keep the second line more simple/short, but if you wanted to add more, you could add actions that they're doing! for example, “The ones hiding in your closet” or “The ones lurking underground”
The ones in your closet.
They make you fall, then they bury you up.something to consider would be adding an em dash after “bury you up”, because it kinda connects the two lines, while still separating them! it would look like:
Leave you to choke, alive, with no oxygen.
They make you fall, then they bury you up—
Leave you to choke, alive, with no oxygen.
All that’s left is to drown in soil.omg yes love itt!!!
Those that bang and they bang — no, that’s not the wind.SMALL NITPICK *erm actually* you should use an em dash, not a hyphen, because that's gramatically incorrect heh
In the dead of night, no one hears you scream.omg LOVE this line
if you wanted to, you could also italicize it! (but also take this with a grain of salt, because if you italicize every last line of the stanza, it might not stand out as much)I only fear monsters,the second line has a comma, while for the other stanzas there aren't any commas, just pointing that out.
The real ones, that hurt you.
They stab and they stab, til you’re numb inside and outi think(??) “till” would be the right way? or it could also be 'til
A bird dies if it has no wings to fly with.omg this is SOOO good you should DEFINITELY emphasize this one if you wanted to
Who knew you could die while your body still worked, huh?i think you added the “huh” to be more casual, but i feel that the “who knew” at the beginning already does it well. for me personally, the “huh” at the end isnt super important for the main part of the question, but thats just me!
They stand behind you like immoveable mountains, not letting you turn;the correct spelling is “immovable”! also personal preference but i'd use a period at the end, because this sentence isn't super connected to the last two? up to you tho!
When they say they’ve got your back,omg percy jackson reference 100%
They mean they’ve got a knife to stab it.
I only fear monsters,i feel like you're referring to monsters that havent died yet, so i'd change the second line to “The ones that still exist” to clarify.
The ones that exist.
They are created by us; by extension we’re monsters.this is a pretty hard-hitting line, LOVE IT! i'd add a comma after “by extension”, though.
Stuck in a mindless circle of history, history, history.LOVE THESE!
If we were to learn, we’d be safe; but alas, we are stupid.
We should fear monsters.maybe adding a semicolon after “monsters” could connect them better?
They’re horrible things.
Instead we blindfold our eyes and plug our ears, and put on all of our brave faces.hmm i'd add a comma after “instead”. i'd also remove “all of” and keep it as “put on our brave faces” bc we already know it's talking abt many people. you could put the three verbs as a list, kinda like
Instead, we blindfold our eyes, plug our ears, and put on our brave faces.or you could also keep the “and” and try this?
Instead, we blindfold our eyes and plug our ears, putting on our brave faces.
We’ve been tricked to believe that no one really lives, and“tricked to believe” sounds kinda sus to me, the way the words roll together. i would do smth like “fooled into believing” or “misled into believing” BUT UP TO YOU. also side note, the “and” at the end kinda throws me off bc it feels abrupt? maybe changing it to a semicolon would be better?
If we can survive a day, then we can survive a lifetime, right?omg i love this!!!
Do you hear the monsters laughing?bruh idk if it's just me but this last line kinda throws me off HELPPPP (not a bad thing necessarily tho
Haha, you do, but we just laugh right with them, don’t we?
Let's pretend we’re having fun.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
) for me personally (idk if it's what you'd agree with tho, listen to your heart first), i'd remove the “Haha” in the second line?? because the “just” and “don't we” already show the kinda sarcastic vibe? also maybe adding a line after the first line to show how they laugh cruelly or something would be good!ermmm for the third line, i'd maybe italicize or put it in parentheses to emphasize it! and for the last line… im not super sure about it, i get where youre going with it but it kinda throws me off so maybe you could remove it, or change it to something else, like a final statement about laughing with the monsters. or smth?? IDKKKK
i think some things to consider: for me the 3rd line, i like removing “like” and making it a metaphor, for ex: “It's a fork on a chalkboard, nails on rusty metal” or you could even remove the “it's”, up to you if u even want to change it tho!
also i think having an emdash at the of the “having fun” line could be rlly good to connect the final two lines!
ok overall i really really liked this, it was so poetic and it was one of the best pieces from u that i read. i love the different stanzas starting the same and having some variation. i interpreted the poem about how someone kinda is scared of dark thoughts and the brutal reality of life (both physical and mental monsters), but pretends they dont really exist and try to erase them due to that. THX FOR LETTING ME CRITIQUE, LOVED IT <333
Last edited by CleverComment (July 29, 2025 17:22:33)
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
7/30 Daily - Space Object (309 words) I chose comet!
Being a comet is rather isolating; after all, there’s no one I can stop to talk to as I orbit the earth. In the vacuum of space, a silent encounter does millions for me. I rotate around our sun, each orbit taking decades. Frost and cold ice cover my surface; I think that’s pretty cool. Sound can’t travel through space, but feelings still can. While burning, hot objects are abundant (i.e., the inner planets, meteors), cold objects are harder to find closer to the sun. After all, coldness is the absence of heat, and with the mighty radiance of the sun, the absence of heat is harder to find.
Something I find that’s cool about me is that my orbit is elliptical; of course, the purpose of our journeys is to get close to the sun. And then, when we reach it, we keep going and do it all over again. It may seem pointless, but I find solace in the perpetuity of this task. It gives me something to do, and when I do it, I know to do it again. Also, this one guy, Johannes Kepler, made a few laws about our movement – I think that’s super cool. Something so mundane to us can be explained by science, by patterns, by repetition. Fun fact: Kepler's Second Law can help demonstrate angular momentum, for all the physics nerds out there.
And finally, something I wanted to share, before I go, is that it could take a lifetime for you to see me again. Halley’s Comet comes by the earth every 75 years or so; 2061 will be the next time. For us comets, humans are just a fraction of our lifetimes. It gets lonely seeing so much change when you’re gone, so I hope you can think of us when you do look into the skies above.
Being a comet is rather isolating; after all, there’s no one I can stop to talk to as I orbit the earth. In the vacuum of space, a silent encounter does millions for me. I rotate around our sun, each orbit taking decades. Frost and cold ice cover my surface; I think that’s pretty cool. Sound can’t travel through space, but feelings still can. While burning, hot objects are abundant (i.e., the inner planets, meteors), cold objects are harder to find closer to the sun. After all, coldness is the absence of heat, and with the mighty radiance of the sun, the absence of heat is harder to find.
Something I find that’s cool about me is that my orbit is elliptical; of course, the purpose of our journeys is to get close to the sun. And then, when we reach it, we keep going and do it all over again. It may seem pointless, but I find solace in the perpetuity of this task. It gives me something to do, and when I do it, I know to do it again. Also, this one guy, Johannes Kepler, made a few laws about our movement – I think that’s super cool. Something so mundane to us can be explained by science, by patterns, by repetition. Fun fact: Kepler's Second Law can help demonstrate angular momentum, for all the physics nerds out there.
And finally, something I wanted to share, before I go, is that it could take a lifetime for you to see me again. Halley’s Comet comes by the earth every 75 years or so; 2061 will be the next time. For us comets, humans are just a fraction of our lifetimes. It gets lonely seeing so much change when you’re gone, so I hope you can think of us when you do look into the skies above.
Last edited by CleverComment (July 30, 2025 22:58:40)
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
july 2025 thank-you notes
even though the session is over, it's still july, so i'm going to be writing these real quick. i don't want to make them too long, because whenever i do that, i don't have enough energy to actually finish. if i dont include you, know that i still thank you just as much <33
to kiara: thank you for leading bi-fi with me this month, it was soooo amazing!!! i really loved everything that we did together, and it was soo amazing (yes i know i already said that). the idea was so cool and im glad that we got to make it happen. i could not have asked for a better partner. i cant believe it's also been a year since thriller psychic agency as well :0 to think that a year later we'd be co-leading together is so cool!!! see you around <33
to sofa: omg im still soooo happy we got to co-lead this session together, it was such a dream!! u are the best person ever to co-lead with, im soooo happy!!! happy late birthday as well! it was so amazing this month to talk to you and do fun things with. the profile pictures you made are def the best ones this session (shh dont tell anyone). whether it's your amazing cello playing, or ur archery tournaments, or ur ballet app, or ur singing, u r such a talented person. im soo happy again, i hope we can make so many more memories in the future u r the best person.
to charlie: HII!!! thank you for being such an amazing part of bi-fi, you r so amazing!! the second cabin wars so iconic, especially the screen limits xDD it was so amazing interacting with you, and i hope to be in a cabin with you again
to kleemiya: thank you for being part of bi-fi this month, it was so cool!! i've seen you around scratch so it was super cool being in bi-fi with you. see you around
to lune: EYYY hi lune!!! i love ur spectroscopes ;D on a side note, thank you soo much for being such a cool part of bi-fi this month. the bi-fi-reworks were so cool. the cabin would NOT be the same without you, i hope to see you around!!
to eva: HI EVA! im so happy we're in the same cabin again, it was so cool being able to critique with you and experience the bi-fi-reworks. chai is also so amazing. you were such an amazing bi-fi-er, and i really hope we get in the same cabin again
to squidy: HIIIII im so glad we're in the same cabin again (even though i didnt realize we were in thriller together last year xD) i loved interacting with you this month, and im glad you got your pfp hehe. good luck on your tarzan essay as well, you are going to do amazing. see you around squidy!!!
to chocolate: hihihi!!! it was so amazing being in bi-fi for you. it was really cool of you to organize the bday presents, and i also loved critiquing your story. ur lucky ur in pst time because you have extra hours for swc xD SEE YOU AROUND!!!
to may: omg may im sooo sooo happy we were in this cabin, especially since it's been soo long since we met! i'm soso glad you got through your exams, and i hope you're making good progress with your novel! i loved reading your stories throughout this month, and im so proud of u that u finished your writing comp entry. and whenever we have the lipogram daily i'll think of you!! see you around <333
to pandora: HI pandora!!! i legit think we've been in like 3 or 4 cabins together but i legit cannot remember for the life of me. im so happy u were sorted into bi-fi this month you carried the first cabin wars, and i'm glad you came back for the end of the session!! here's to more sessions together
to starrii: HEYY starrii!! thank you for being a part of bi-fi. you legit carried cabin wars (especially with that war that you solo-ed). i also loved reading your writing, and i'm looking forward to seeing you progress as a writer see you around!!
to leopard: omg im so happy you came back to swc! it was soo amazing talking to you (so excited for sotr movie), and i was so glad i got to critique your poems, they were really amazing. hope to see you around!!
to celeste: HI CELESTE!!! i hope you enjoyed your first swc session, and that you were able to complete every daily and weekly!! it was actually sosoooo amazing talking to you. i hope your ta-ing was also fun as well hehe ;D but thank you soso much for being such an amazing person. i hope this is just the beginning, and that there'll be so much more to come!! thank you <33
to wild: HIII!!! it's legit so crazy that both of us are still here after like almost 3 years. it was so amazing rushing the dailies with you and i hope to see you around, you're amazing.
to sydney: HI!! i'm glad that both of us were in this session, and it was so amazing talking to you throughout the session. ur amazing.
to kevin: IM SO HAPPY UR IN SWC!!! i loved looking at your thread, and i cant believe it's been soo long since scratch battle. your writing is amazing, and i hope you had an amazing summer. ur the best
to sky: it was so amazing meeting you this month. i loved talking to you throughout this month, and happy early birthday!! hope to see you around <3
to eevee: HI EEVEE!!! it was so amazing talking to you throughout this month. strawberry basil panera drink on top, it is legit so amazing. u r such an amazing person and i love interacting with you. see you!!!
to mabel: HIII!! im legit listening to buzzkill for the first time now as im writing this (im on who). the lyn lapid fanclub is soo amazing heheeeee!!! and also im soo happy u got to lead fantasy this month, it was sooo amazing <33 SEE YA!!!
to maddie: HI MADDIE! it's me, the person who you exchanged goals with at the start of the session!! how did ur goals go? i hope you were able to complete them and have a fun time during swc. thank you for everything.
to dragon: YYAYY im sooo happy u were active this month. i loved reading ur writing and ur writing competition entry submission was soo iconic. i think i already said as much as i could but i hope u participate in the future as well! u the best. also bi-fi will beat gothic, just you wait.
to july (the month): i have a love/hate relationship with summer and this month truly passed by in the blink of an eye. i cant believe it's already the last day, it seemed like yesterday when it was just starting. thank you, july 2025, for this. heres to better months to come.
to me: YAYYY i finally finished, so proud of myself. u r so amazing. i am going to stop now bc im a bit tired but im glad i was able to finish my goals, i was able to submit to writing comp, help with the storyline, and write throughout the month. also good job me for reaching my word goal!! this month was iconic and it was so great. u r amazing <3
even though the session is over, it's still july, so i'm going to be writing these real quick. i don't want to make them too long, because whenever i do that, i don't have enough energy to actually finish. if i dont include you, know that i still thank you just as much <33
to kiara: thank you for leading bi-fi with me this month, it was soooo amazing!!! i really loved everything that we did together, and it was soo amazing (yes i know i already said that). the idea was so cool and im glad that we got to make it happen. i could not have asked for a better partner. i cant believe it's also been a year since thriller psychic agency as well :0 to think that a year later we'd be co-leading together is so cool!!! see you around <33
to sofa: omg im still soooo happy we got to co-lead this session together, it was such a dream!! u are the best person ever to co-lead with, im soooo happy!!! happy late birthday as well! it was so amazing this month to talk to you and do fun things with. the profile pictures you made are def the best ones this session (shh dont tell anyone). whether it's your amazing cello playing, or ur archery tournaments, or ur ballet app, or ur singing, u r such a talented person. im soo happy again, i hope we can make so many more memories in the future
u r the best person.to charlie: HII!!! thank you for being such an amazing part of bi-fi, you r so amazing!! the second cabin wars so iconic, especially the screen limits xDD it was so amazing interacting with you, and i hope to be in a cabin with you again
to kleemiya: thank you for being part of bi-fi this month, it was so cool!! i've seen you around scratch so it was super cool being in bi-fi with you. see you around
to lune: EYYY hi lune!!! i love ur spectroscopes ;D on a side note, thank you soo much for being such a cool part of bi-fi this month. the bi-fi-reworks were so cool. the cabin would NOT be the same without you, i hope to see you around!!
to eva: HI EVA! im so happy we're in the same cabin again, it was so cool being able to critique with you and experience the bi-fi-reworks. chai is also so amazing. you were such an amazing bi-fi-er, and i really hope we get in the same cabin again
to squidy: HIIIII im so glad we're in the same cabin again (even though i didnt realize we were in thriller together last year xD) i loved interacting with you this month, and im glad you got your pfp hehe. good luck on your tarzan essay as well, you are going to do amazing. see you around squidy!!!
to chocolate: hihihi!!! it was so amazing being in bi-fi for you. it was really cool of you to organize the bday presents, and i also loved critiquing your story. ur lucky ur in pst time because you have extra hours for swc xD SEE YOU AROUND!!!
to may: omg may im sooo sooo happy we were in this cabin, especially since it's been soo long since we met! i'm soso glad you got through your exams, and i hope you're making good progress with your novel!
i loved reading your stories throughout this month, and im so proud of u that u finished your writing comp entry. and whenever we have the lipogram daily i'll think of you!! see you around <333to pandora: HI pandora!!! i legit think we've been in like 3 or 4 cabins together but i legit cannot remember for the life of me. im so happy u were sorted into bi-fi this month
you carried the first cabin wars, and i'm glad you came back for the end of the session!! here's to more sessions together to starrii: HEYY starrii!! thank you for being a part of bi-fi. you legit carried cabin wars (especially with that war that you solo-ed). i also loved reading your writing, and i'm looking forward to seeing you progress as a writer
see you around!!to leopard: omg im so happy you came back to swc! it was soo amazing talking to you (so excited for sotr movie), and i was so glad i got to critique your poems, they were really amazing. hope to see you around!!
to celeste: HI CELESTE!!! i hope you enjoyed your first swc session, and that you were able to complete every daily and weekly!! it was actually sosoooo amazing talking to you. i hope your ta-ing was also fun as well hehe ;D but thank you soso much for being such an amazing person. i hope this is just the beginning, and that there'll be so much more to come!! thank you <33
to wild: HIII!!! it's legit so crazy that both of us are still here after like almost 3 years. it was so amazing rushing the dailies with you and i hope to see you around, you're amazing.
to sydney: HI!! i'm glad that both of us were in this session, and it was so amazing talking to you throughout the session. ur amazing.
to kevin: IM SO HAPPY UR IN SWC!!! i loved looking at your thread, and i cant believe it's been soo long since scratch battle. your writing is amazing, and i hope you had an amazing summer. ur the best
to sky: it was so amazing meeting you this month. i loved talking to you throughout this month, and happy early birthday!! hope to see you around <3
to eevee: HI EEVEE!!! it was so amazing talking to you throughout this month. strawberry basil panera drink on top, it is legit so amazing. u r such an amazing person and i love interacting with you. see you!!!
to mabel: HIII!! im legit listening to buzzkill for the first time now as im writing this (im on who). the lyn lapid fanclub is soo amazing heheeeee!!! and also im soo happy u got to lead fantasy this month, it was sooo amazing <33 SEE YA!!!
to maddie: HI MADDIE! it's me, the person who you exchanged goals with at the start of the session!! how did ur goals go? i hope you were able to complete them and have a fun time during swc. thank you for everything.
to dragon: YYAYY im sooo happy u were active this month. i loved reading ur writing and ur writing competition entry submission was soo iconic. i think i already said as much as i could but i hope u participate in the future as well! u the best. also bi-fi will beat gothic, just you wait.
to july (the month): i have a love/hate relationship with summer and this month truly passed by in the blink of an eye. i cant believe it's already the last day, it seemed like yesterday when it was just starting. thank you, july 2025, for this. heres to better months to come.
to me: YAYYY i finally finished, so proud of myself. u r so amazing. i am going to stop now bc im a bit tired but im glad i was able to finish my goals, i was able to submit to writing comp, help with the storyline, and write throughout the month. also good job me for reaching my word goal!! this month was iconic and it was so great. u r amazing <3
Last edited by CleverComment (Aug. 1, 2025 02:35:39)
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
11/1 daily: introduce yourself! (118 words)
HELLO im here!! it is officially november and this is going to be my first post for this session; i know i'm a few days late and i was going to do a daily, but it didnt feel right without having an introductory post. I'm clev/clever (they/them) and this session marks my 5th anniversary with swc :0 my favourite month is autumn, my favourite album this year is ego death at a bachelorette party, and my favorite genre to write is real-fi (real-fi retreat ftw!!!). something i'm super excited to do this fall is to write more and go out to the movies during thanksgiving break with my friends. thanks for stopping by, hope you enjoy
HELLO im here!! it is officially november and this is going to be my first post for this session; i know i'm a few days late and i was going to do a daily, but it didnt feel right without having an introductory post. I'm clev/clever (they/them) and this session marks my 5th anniversary with swc :0 my favourite month is autumn, my favourite album this year is ego death at a bachelorette party, and my favorite genre to write is real-fi (real-fi retreat ftw!!!). something i'm super excited to do this fall is to write more and go out to the movies during thanksgiving break with my friends. thanks for stopping by, hope you enjoy
Last edited by CleverComment (Nov. 4, 2025 23:42:05)
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
11/4 songfic daily, 393 words: based off “motion sickness” by phoebe bridgers
I hate you, but I miss you; isn’t that funny?
You were the worst thing that happened to me, but you were what I needed in my life at that time; isn’t that ironic?
To: A
Saturday, 2:02am
hi
Saturday, 2:02am
sorry it’s been a few months and i think you mightve moved on but i just needed to get some things out and i need this for myself and im gonna block u when im done
Saturday, 2:05am
ive just been laying here in bed for the past few hours and i havent been able to sleep bc i remembered that its been 1 yr since we first met
Saturday, 2:06am
and i just remember thinking that we couldvbe had it forever, u know? i thought that u were the one
i still think so
Saturday, 2:10am
u did horrible things and u never apolgoized and i can NEVER forgive totu for that
Saturday, 2:31am
i miss u when r u coming back im lonely
Saturday, 2:39am
these past few months i thought i would be so mad and crying and whatever they say in the movies but i think they were wrong
Saturday, 2:39am
because ive been feeling numb and i couldnt feel anything bc its all over and a part of me wants to move on and live my life
Saturday, 2:47am
but a part of me wants to go back to what we had
Saturday, 3:00am
u r the sickest person ive ever met but u were also the kindest and idk what to think abt that
Saturday, 3:01am
this past few months have been a whirlwind and ive been trying to let go and move on but its been a year and now im slowly thinking of what we could have had but i dont want to but i cant help myself, is that normal
Saturday, 3:11am
remember that time when u paid for my therapy
Saturday, 3:11am
i never told u
Saturday, 3:11am
but i only went one time bc i couldnt do it again
Saturday, 3:22am
u know that i hate feeling emotions. which is funny bc hate is an emotion
Saturday, 3:23am
imy
Saturday, 3:55am
i hate you
This contact can no longer be reached. Please try again.
I hate you, but I miss you; isn’t that funny?
You were the worst thing that happened to me, but you were what I needed in my life at that time; isn’t that ironic?
To: A
Saturday, 2:02am
hi
Saturday, 2:02am
sorry it’s been a few months and i think you mightve moved on but i just needed to get some things out and i need this for myself and im gonna block u when im done
Saturday, 2:05am
ive just been laying here in bed for the past few hours and i havent been able to sleep bc i remembered that its been 1 yr since we first met
Saturday, 2:06am
and i just remember thinking that we couldvbe had it forever, u know? i thought that u were the one
i still think so
Saturday, 2:10am
u did horrible things and u never apolgoized and i can NEVER forgive totu for that
Saturday, 2:31am
i miss u when r u coming back im lonely
Saturday, 2:39am
these past few months i thought i would be so mad and crying and whatever they say in the movies but i think they were wrong
Saturday, 2:39am
because ive been feeling numb and i couldnt feel anything bc its all over and a part of me wants to move on and live my life
Saturday, 2:47am
but a part of me wants to go back to what we had
Saturday, 3:00am
u r the sickest person ive ever met but u were also the kindest and idk what to think abt that
Saturday, 3:01am
this past few months have been a whirlwind and ive been trying to let go and move on but its been a year and now im slowly thinking of what we could have had but i dont want to but i cant help myself, is that normal
Saturday, 3:11am
remember that time when u paid for my therapy
Saturday, 3:11am
i never told u
Saturday, 3:11am
but i only went one time bc i couldnt do it again
Saturday, 3:22am
u know that i hate feeling emotions. which is funny bc hate is an emotion
Saturday, 3:23am
imy
Saturday, 3:55am
i hate you
This contact can no longer be reached. Please try again.
small note: i rlly liked writing this, bc it's in a text message format and i thought that was pretty cool! also the “hate is an emotion” line goes hard. also loved playing with the scratch formatting!!
Last edited by CleverComment (Nov. 5, 2025 03:17:49)
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Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
I am someone who craves attention; give it to me, and I’ll savour every moment of it. Attention is sickly sweet, and I can’t get enough of it. I’m the first thing you see to start the day, and I’ll be the last thing you see, too.
I’ll do anything to get you to keep looking at me, and I mean anything. I’ll force you to use me, any time you’re awake. I’m everything you want; the perfect partner. The friend you can rant to. The version of yourself you hope to see in the mirror. I’ll be anything you want me to.
I’m something you regret, but can’t get enough of. When you’re feeling down, use me to get lower. When you’re feeling down, use me to get better. As long as you use me for hours on end, I don’t care. I really don’t.
There comes a point where you can live without me, and I cherish that thought. Hours spent on me, people can’t wait at all to see me again. In fact, your lives are all incomplete, unable to reach your true potential, without me. If you lose me, you’ll be devastated – I love it.
In the dark hours of the night, I’ll be who you rely on. The only thing that understands you. You can use me for hours on end, blinking once every minute, resisting the urge, but giving in anyways. Because no matter what you do, no matter each fleeting doubt, every feeble concern, you’ll cave in, anyways. That is certain; you all do it in the end.
See your worst self reflected through me. After all, it is who you truly are. No matter the secrets that you keep buried, the persona you create in your day, I see the true you. There is no use in hiding; I am always there.
I am your best friend, but I’ll be your worst enemy. I’ll be your biggest fan, but I’ll be your biggest enemy.
I am your phone, and you cannot resist me.
I’ll do anything to get you to keep looking at me, and I mean anything. I’ll force you to use me, any time you’re awake. I’m everything you want; the perfect partner. The friend you can rant to. The version of yourself you hope to see in the mirror. I’ll be anything you want me to.
I’m something you regret, but can’t get enough of. When you’re feeling down, use me to get lower. When you’re feeling down, use me to get better. As long as you use me for hours on end, I don’t care. I really don’t.
There comes a point where you can live without me, and I cherish that thought. Hours spent on me, people can’t wait at all to see me again. In fact, your lives are all incomplete, unable to reach your true potential, without me. If you lose me, you’ll be devastated – I love it.
In the dark hours of the night, I’ll be who you rely on. The only thing that understands you. You can use me for hours on end, blinking once every minute, resisting the urge, but giving in anyways. Because no matter what you do, no matter each fleeting doubt, every feeble concern, you’ll cave in, anyways. That is certain; you all do it in the end.
See your worst self reflected through me. After all, it is who you truly are. No matter the secrets that you keep buried, the persona you create in your day, I see the true you. There is no use in hiding; I am always there.
I am your best friend, but I’ll be your worst enemy. I’ll be your biggest fan, but I’ll be your biggest enemy.
I am your phone, and you cannot resist me.
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
Thinking About the Immortality of the Crab (1151 words)
Eli waits outside, sitting on a wooden bench overlooking a small lake. The air is warm – not hot – and, for some reason, summer refuses to leave during November. He shifts into a comfortable position, and exhales. Heart still hammering from his bike ride, he puts his backpack beside him. There are a million things for him to do, but in the meantime, he can wait.
The lazy afternoon is alive with distant buzzes and chirps. An arid wind blows through the hazy lake, ripples moving on to their next stage in life. Incessant humming of cicadas across the lake, sporadic calls of a faraway bird, white clouds stretching across the deep blue sky. He’s glad the tree behind him is providing him with much needed shade.
With nothing to do, Eli simply sits. Physically, he is there, watching the scene; but in reality, his mind is in the sky. He keeps his eyes open, letting the wind caress him, until there is nothing more to the world than this place. There are no thoughts inside of him, only feelings.
~
The ringing of a bell. The sound of Vans hitting the pavement. Noisy breaths exhaling and inhaling. Then, “Eli!”
Startled, Eli jumps slightly — he’s back on planet Earth. His eyes dart to the source of the interruption; a girl sitting on the bench next to him, black hair tied in a neat braid. It takes a moment to register, but when it does, he smiles: it’s Marina. He turns towards her, and waves. “Hi Mari.”
Mari gives him a knowing look, a twinkle in her eye. “Gosh, that took a while.” She’s placing her satchel next to her, and she moves closer to her friend. “What were you doing, thinking about the immortality of the crab?”
Taken aback, Eli’s eyebrows crease, and his head jerks back. “What?”
She grins, and lets out a small laugh. “It’s a Spanish idiom.” She looks around the lake, trees swaying in the wind. “Anyways, what have you been up to here?”
“You can’t be serious,” Eli says, sitting upright. “You can’t just say this cool idiom about crabs and move on with the conversation.” He waves his hand around. “What is it?”
Mari lets out an audible sigh, rolling her eyes, but he can tell that she’s trying not to smile. “Fine, if you wish.” She holds her hands up in mock defeat. “I mean, I have no clue where it came from, but it’s just a way to say that someone’s daydreaming.”
“That’s so oddly specific, though,” Eli says, frowning. “Why crabs? And why immortality?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re asking the wrong person.”
Eli muses for a second, turning his face towards the lake. Then, he looks back at Mari. “It’s kind of ironic, don’t you think? Because I feel like crabs are animals who die early. They seem so small and vulnerable. Not to mention that humans hunt so many of them every year.”
“I didn’t know i was talking to Mr. Crab Expert here,” Mari teases.
Eli gazes back expectantly at her. “Really?” he says dryly.
“My bad, my bad,” she says. Mari looks up for a second, playing with her braid. Then, she snaps her focus back to Eli. “Oh my gosh,” she says. “Wait, you know those crabs you see at the supermarket? The ones trapped in the dirty tanks? I wonder how they feel.”
Eli nods. “I didn’t think about that,” he slowly says. “God, what would it be like living as a crab? Living just to be boiled alive. What if that was us?”
Mari puts a hand on his shoulder. “I know. They're more similar to us than we realize – we all want to be free.“
“That's true.” He sighs. “How are crabs immortal, then?”
“I don’t know,” Mari says again; but this time, it’s genuine. “I mean, do we really need an answer?”
Eli lies back on the bench. “I guess you’re right.” His shoulders slump slightly. “Still, it’s interesting to think about.”
The two friends are back where they began; except now, the sun is lower in the sky, and the shadows are taller. Eli and Mari sit in comfortable silence, the lake's water continuing to drift by.
Suddenly, Mari breaks the silence again. She sits up. “Maybe that’s the point.”
Eli looks at her, eyebrows creased again. ”What do you mean?" He gestures for her to continue.
“It’s funny, in a way, to think about immortality in a creature that will never be immortal. It’s like what you said,” she points at him. “It’s ironic.” The wind keeps whistling. “But, it’s kind of like we’re honoring them. We’re manifesting for them.” She smiles.
His eyebrows raise, and he’s sitting up as well. “Do you know about Cancer?”
Mari smiles wryly. “Well, I’m not too interested in medicine, so no.”
Eli starts laughing. “No, I meant the zodiac sign.”
“Oh!” Now, Mari’s laughing too. The two can’t speak, gasping for air in between their wheezing. When both of them have laughed their final laughs, they sigh in happy content.
“That makes more sense.” She grins. “Is that the one with the crab?”
Eli nods vigorously. “Exactly! I’m a Cancer, so I know all about it.”
“Of course you are,” Mari says, smirking. Eli rolls his eyes back at her.
“Anyway, it’s interesting to think that the crab is Cancer’s symbol.” He thinks for a moment. “In a way, crabs are immortalized in the stars, because they can’t be immortal on Earth.”
Mari nods along, letting out an ooh at the end. “Woah, that’s deep.” After a moment, her expression turns pensive. “I guess, when we’re thinking about the immortality of the crab, we’re admiring them. Kind of like an ode.” Then, she abruptly stands up and turns around, facing the lake in its entirety.
“O Crab, how I adore you so,” she announces, holding her hands out in the air. “You may not truly be immortal, but you’re immortal in our eyes.” Every syllable is enunciated, spoken with emphasis. “O Crab, thank you.” She takes an exaggerated bow, holding her arm out.
Eli stands up with her, clapping loudly. “That,” he says, nodding his head. “That is beautiful.” Mari looks at him, and the two share a smile.
He sits down. “Our lives are short, too.” His blue eyes meet Mari’s. “But, even if we’re not immortal, we can cherish our lives. Just like we can cherish the lives of crabs.”
The sun is beginning to set as the day ends. The golden rays pierce through vast clouds, reflecting across ripples of the shimmering lake. And, sitting on a wooden bench, two friends laugh about the immortality of the crab.
“Y de inmortalidades sólo creo
en la tuya, cangrejo amigo.”
“Of all the immortalities, I believe in
only yours, crab friend.”
– José Emilio Pacheco
Eli waits outside, sitting on a wooden bench overlooking a small lake. The air is warm – not hot – and, for some reason, summer refuses to leave during November. He shifts into a comfortable position, and exhales. Heart still hammering from his bike ride, he puts his backpack beside him. There are a million things for him to do, but in the meantime, he can wait.
The lazy afternoon is alive with distant buzzes and chirps. An arid wind blows through the hazy lake, ripples moving on to their next stage in life. Incessant humming of cicadas across the lake, sporadic calls of a faraway bird, white clouds stretching across the deep blue sky. He’s glad the tree behind him is providing him with much needed shade.
With nothing to do, Eli simply sits. Physically, he is there, watching the scene; but in reality, his mind is in the sky. He keeps his eyes open, letting the wind caress him, until there is nothing more to the world than this place. There are no thoughts inside of him, only feelings.
~
The ringing of a bell. The sound of Vans hitting the pavement. Noisy breaths exhaling and inhaling. Then, “Eli!”
Startled, Eli jumps slightly — he’s back on planet Earth. His eyes dart to the source of the interruption; a girl sitting on the bench next to him, black hair tied in a neat braid. It takes a moment to register, but when it does, he smiles: it’s Marina. He turns towards her, and waves. “Hi Mari.”
Mari gives him a knowing look, a twinkle in her eye. “Gosh, that took a while.” She’s placing her satchel next to her, and she moves closer to her friend. “What were you doing, thinking about the immortality of the crab?”
Taken aback, Eli’s eyebrows crease, and his head jerks back. “What?”
She grins, and lets out a small laugh. “It’s a Spanish idiom.” She looks around the lake, trees swaying in the wind. “Anyways, what have you been up to here?”
“You can’t be serious,” Eli says, sitting upright. “You can’t just say this cool idiom about crabs and move on with the conversation.” He waves his hand around. “What is it?”
Mari lets out an audible sigh, rolling her eyes, but he can tell that she’s trying not to smile. “Fine, if you wish.” She holds her hands up in mock defeat. “I mean, I have no clue where it came from, but it’s just a way to say that someone’s daydreaming.”
“That’s so oddly specific, though,” Eli says, frowning. “Why crabs? And why immortality?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re asking the wrong person.”
Eli muses for a second, turning his face towards the lake. Then, he looks back at Mari. “It’s kind of ironic, don’t you think? Because I feel like crabs are animals who die early. They seem so small and vulnerable. Not to mention that humans hunt so many of them every year.”
“I didn’t know i was talking to Mr. Crab Expert here,” Mari teases.
Eli gazes back expectantly at her. “Really?” he says dryly.
“My bad, my bad,” she says. Mari looks up for a second, playing with her braid. Then, she snaps her focus back to Eli. “Oh my gosh,” she says. “Wait, you know those crabs you see at the supermarket? The ones trapped in the dirty tanks? I wonder how they feel.”
Eli nods. “I didn’t think about that,” he slowly says. “God, what would it be like living as a crab? Living just to be boiled alive. What if that was us?”
Mari puts a hand on his shoulder. “I know. They're more similar to us than we realize – we all want to be free.“
“That's true.” He sighs. “How are crabs immortal, then?”
“I don’t know,” Mari says again; but this time, it’s genuine. “I mean, do we really need an answer?”
Eli lies back on the bench. “I guess you’re right.” His shoulders slump slightly. “Still, it’s interesting to think about.”
The two friends are back where they began; except now, the sun is lower in the sky, and the shadows are taller. Eli and Mari sit in comfortable silence, the lake's water continuing to drift by.
Suddenly, Mari breaks the silence again. She sits up. “Maybe that’s the point.”
Eli looks at her, eyebrows creased again. ”What do you mean?" He gestures for her to continue.
“It’s funny, in a way, to think about immortality in a creature that will never be immortal. It’s like what you said,” she points at him. “It’s ironic.” The wind keeps whistling. “But, it’s kind of like we’re honoring them. We’re manifesting for them.” She smiles.
His eyebrows raise, and he’s sitting up as well. “Do you know about Cancer?”
Mari smiles wryly. “Well, I’m not too interested in medicine, so no.”
Eli starts laughing. “No, I meant the zodiac sign.”
“Oh!” Now, Mari’s laughing too. The two can’t speak, gasping for air in between their wheezing. When both of them have laughed their final laughs, they sigh in happy content.
“That makes more sense.” She grins. “Is that the one with the crab?”
Eli nods vigorously. “Exactly! I’m a Cancer, so I know all about it.”
“Of course you are,” Mari says, smirking. Eli rolls his eyes back at her.
“Anyway, it’s interesting to think that the crab is Cancer’s symbol.” He thinks for a moment. “In a way, crabs are immortalized in the stars, because they can’t be immortal on Earth.”
Mari nods along, letting out an ooh at the end. “Woah, that’s deep.” After a moment, her expression turns pensive. “I guess, when we’re thinking about the immortality of the crab, we’re admiring them. Kind of like an ode.” Then, she abruptly stands up and turns around, facing the lake in its entirety.
“O Crab, how I adore you so,” she announces, holding her hands out in the air. “You may not truly be immortal, but you’re immortal in our eyes.” Every syllable is enunciated, spoken with emphasis. “O Crab, thank you.” She takes an exaggerated bow, holding her arm out.
Eli stands up with her, clapping loudly. “That,” he says, nodding his head. “That is beautiful.” Mari looks at him, and the two share a smile.
He sits down. “Our lives are short, too.” His blue eyes meet Mari’s. “But, even if we’re not immortal, we can cherish our lives. Just like we can cherish the lives of crabs.”
The sun is beginning to set as the day ends. The golden rays pierce through vast clouds, reflecting across ripples of the shimmering lake. And, sitting on a wooden bench, two friends laugh about the immortality of the crab.
author's note
Last edited by CleverComment (Nov. 27, 2025 00:05:49)
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
thinking about the immortality of the crab: author's note
hi, thanks so much for reading! i liked writing this short story a lot, and it means a lot that you're reading this. i have a few thoughts that i wanted to share about it, so feel free to read!
i first learned about the idiom “thinking about the immortality of the crab” after watching a youtube short on it in late july (which is weird because it felt like years ago). it instantly stood out to me; it sounded so beautiful, and i saved it in a writing doc to come back to it later. this month, i felt interested in it again, and i wanted to write this story to share my interpretation of it! basically, thinking about the immortality of the crab is a way of honoring something mortal, kind of like how we can honor our mortal lives, too.
i chose the names eli (short for elio) and mari (short for marina), because the name “elio” represents fire, while the name “marina” represents water, which i think was a cool touch, showing that even though their names are opposites, they still get along well!
i also took a lot of inspiration from my life, especially in the setting. i wasn't feeling particularly inspired to write, so i took a bike ride with my computer in my backpack and biked to one of my favorite spots, a wooden bench overlooking a lake near my house! and i basically wrote the setting of the story using where i was at that time. i wish summer would finally leave, though. (also i wrote most of it in my notes app on my computer so thats fun hehe)
finally, i wrote this story in literally less than four hours because i wasn't feeling motivated this month, but i had the idea so i just wrote this quickly. i think that if i wrote it a bit earlier, it could've been a bit better, but i'm still happy with sharing it! in a way, i think it's pretty similar to my november 2023 and november 2024 writing entries (all three of the focus on a dialogue between two characters), so in the future, i'd like to branch out from that. still, it's cool to think about.
thank you SO much to dragon for being there through the process; your critique was so amazing and it felt like you were rooting for me all the way, and i really appreciate that. happy thanksgiving!
also shoutout to the wikipedia page for this idiom, where i got a lot of my information from (including the quote), and what got me interested in it in the first place.
and finally, i hope you liked reading about eli and mari, and that you felt something when reading. goodbye!!
hi, thanks so much for reading! i liked writing this short story a lot, and it means a lot that you're reading this. i have a few thoughts that i wanted to share about it, so feel free to read!
i first learned about the idiom “thinking about the immortality of the crab” after watching a youtube short on it in late july (which is weird because it felt like years ago). it instantly stood out to me; it sounded so beautiful, and i saved it in a writing doc to come back to it later. this month, i felt interested in it again, and i wanted to write this story to share my interpretation of it! basically, thinking about the immortality of the crab is a way of honoring something mortal, kind of like how we can honor our mortal lives, too.
i chose the names eli (short for elio) and mari (short for marina), because the name “elio” represents fire, while the name “marina” represents water, which i think was a cool touch, showing that even though their names are opposites, they still get along well!
i also took a lot of inspiration from my life, especially in the setting. i wasn't feeling particularly inspired to write, so i took a bike ride with my computer in my backpack and biked to one of my favorite spots, a wooden bench overlooking a lake near my house! and i basically wrote the setting of the story using where i was at that time. i wish summer would finally leave, though. (also i wrote most of it in my notes app on my computer so thats fun hehe)
finally, i wrote this story in literally less than four hours because i wasn't feeling motivated this month, but i had the idea so i just wrote this quickly. i think that if i wrote it a bit earlier, it could've been a bit better, but i'm still happy with sharing it! in a way, i think it's pretty similar to my november 2023 and november 2024 writing entries (all three of the focus on a dialogue between two characters), so in the future, i'd like to branch out from that. still, it's cool to think about.
thank you SO much to dragon for being there through the process; your critique was so amazing and it felt like you were rooting for me all the way, and i really appreciate that. happy thanksgiving!
also shoutout to the wikipedia page for this idiom, where i got a lot of my information from (including the quote), and what got me interested in it in the first place.
and finally, i hope you liked reading about eli and mari, and that you felt something when reading. goodbye!!
Last edited by CleverComment (Nov. 27, 2025 19:19:11)
- dragons_and_fire
-
Scratcher
20 posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
Thinking About the Immortality of the Crab ( words)
Eli waits outside, sitting on a wooden bench overlooking a small lake. The air is warm – not hot – and, for some reason, summer refuses to leave during November. He shifts into a comfortable position and exhales. Heart still hammering from his bike ride, he puts his backpack beside him. There are a million things for him to do, but in the meantime, he can wait.
The lazy afternoon is alive with distant buzzes and chirps. An arid wind blows through the hazy lake, ripples moving on to their next stage in life. Incessant humming of cicadas across the lake, sporadic calls of a faraway bird, vast white clouds stretching across the endless sky. This part is kinda weird because you abruptly start talking about his appearance. Is it important to the story? No? Then omit it or put the description a little higher up (where we see him get off his bike)Hair the color of the tree bark, eyes the color of the deep blue sky. He’s glad the tree behind him is providing him with much needed shade.
With nothing to do, Eli simply sits. Physically, he is there, watching the scene; but in reality, his mind is in the sky. He keeps his eyes open, letting the wind caress him until there is nothing more to the world besides this place. There are no thoughts inside of him, only feelings.
~
The ringing of a bell. The sound of Vans hitting the pavement. Noisy breaths exhaling and inhaling. Then, “Eli!” Is this still at the lake? Wasn't he on a bikeride? This isn't really important but in case you wanted to clarify?
Startled, Eli jumps slightly — he’s back on planet Earth. His eyes dart to the source of the interruption; a girl sitting right next to him, with olive skin and black hair tied in a neat braid. It takes a moment to register, but when it does, he smiles: it’s Marina. He turns towards her, and waves. “Hi Mari.”
Mari gives him a knowing look, a twinkle in her eye. “Gosh, that took a while.” She’s putting her backpack next to his as she moves closer to her friend. “What were you doing, thinking about the immortality of the crab?”
Taken aback, Eli’s eyebrows crease, and his head jerks back. “What?”
She grins, and lets out a small laugh. “It’s a Spanish idiom.” She looks around the lake, trees swaying in the wind. “Anyways, what have you been up to here?”
“You can’t be serious,” Eli says, sitting upright. “You can’t just say this cool idiom about crabs and move on with the conversation.” He gestures around “Gestures around” sounds a little vague, maybe try saying something like “he waves his hand, seemingly gesturing at something that isn't there” or something like that with his hand. “What is it?”
Mari lets out an audible sigh, rolling her eyes, but he can tell she’s trying not to smile. “Fine, if you wish.” She holds her hands up in mock defeat. “I mean, I have no clue where it came from, but it’s just a way to say that someone’s daydreaming.”
“That’s so oddly specific, though,” Eli says, frowning. “Why crabs? And why immortality?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re asking the wrong person.”
Eli muses for a second, turning his face towards the lake. Then, he looks back at Mari. “It’s kind of ironic, don’t you think? Because I feel like crabs are animals who die super early.”
“I didn’t know I was talking to Mr. Crab Expert here,” Mari teases.
Eli gazes back expectantly at her. “Really?” he says dryly.
“My bad, my bad,” she says. Mari looks up for a second, playing with her braid. Then, she snaps her focus back to Eli. “Oh my gosh,” she says. “Wait, you know those crabs you see at the supermarket? The ones trapped in the dirty tanks? I always feel so bad for them.” She’s talking with genuine concern (idk what to put here) Well, what would you want to put here? Something to better describe her reaction? (Her reaction is fine as it is). Something to elaborate on the state of the crabs at the supermarket? . “It’s like, you can buy them and boil them alive? How is that okay?”
“Exactly!” Eli’s hands are gesturing animatedly again. “Is the purpose of your life just to end up with fifty other crabs, waiting for your inevitable end?” He looks around, as if the animals are in the audience, listening to him speak. “How are crabs immortal, then?”
“I don’t know,” Mari says again; but this time, it’s genuine. “I mean, do we really need an answer?”
Eli lies back on the bench. “I guess you’re right.” His shoulders slump slightly. “Still, it’s interesting to think about.”
The two friends are back where they began; except now, the sun is lower in the sky, and the shadows are taller. Eli and Mari sit in comfortable silence, the lake water continuing to drift by.
Suddenly, Mari breaks the silence again. She sits up. “Maybe that’s the point.”
Eli looks at her, eyebrows creased again. He gestures for her to continue.
“It’s funny, in a way, to think about immortality in a creature that will never be immortal. It’s like what you said,” she points at him. “It’s ironic.” The wind keeps whistling. “But, it’s kind of like we’re honoring them. We’re manifesting for them.” She smiles.
His eyebrows raise, and he’s sitting up as well. “Do you know about Cancer?”
Mari smiles wryly. “Well, I’m not too interested in medicine, so no.”
Eli starts laughing. “No, I meant the zodiac sign.” I don't get this… Maybe make it a little clearer? Why are they laughing here?
“Oh!” Now, Mari’s laughing too. The two can’t speak, gasping for air in between their wheezing. When both of them have laughed their final laughs, they sigh in happy content. Why are they laughing here? Is it because of the “Cancer” thing? Why was that funny? And, most importantly, how was it meaningful to the story?
Critique (658 words):
Hi Clev this is really good! Several edits up above in bold plus maybe 3-4 small commas or misspelled words I fixed, but I think the main thing to focus on in the critique is the plot since your writing is already really good. I love how you establish that conversational tone between Eli and Mari (“gosh” or “kind of like” is very casual, which adds to the overall mood). I also like how you make it an everyday conversation that turns into something meaningful, and then the friends move on, laughing. Like, you know what I mean? I like how it's so plain. However, I don't think you made the conversation quite meaningful enough. Lemme explain:
This is a really cool idiom, but it's not quite explained all the way. It would be awesome if the two friends could break down what it means or hypothesize why the crabs are immortal or why the crabs are called immortal (is it because it's something absurd and crabs are never actually immortal? Is it because crabs typically die quickly that it's called that? That would tie beautifully into the story, which talks specifically about how the crabs live just to be boiled alive). You can add like 1-3 sentences or like a line or two of dialogue just kind of delving into that a tiny bit more? This ties into the other things I'm going to suggest…
I also think it's not quite fully shown how the crabs live just to die (erm harry potter reference??? XD). I think it is really sad, but we don't really get to see that emotion or lack of it that would really explain the purpose of this conversation about crabs (if it even is about crabs). Maybe try talking a little bit more about how those crabs might feel, or about how Eli feels about those crabs rather than just including dialogue (unless you want to just include dialogue. That'd be fine too as long as you show Eli's emotions and/or thoughts well enough). Maybe try applying the example with the boiling crabs to Eli and Mari's lives. Maybe try to show how these crabs relate to those in the idiom (since that's literally the title). Again, maybe like 2-3 sentences would help make this idea clearer.
Another thing: like I already said in the bolded letters, just explain what the joke with “Cancer” is and show how it's meaningful to the story. Why did you choose to end off like this? Why?
To sum up:
Your dialogue is very natural, which shows the mood. Your writing is good, pretty much no edits there.
The main thing you need to fix is purpose. What is the purpose of this piece? What is it trying to tell the reader? What message do you want the reader to take from this?
Overall it's very good though! Maybe like 5 extra sentences and it'll be perfect!!!! So excited to see what you write!!!
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
11/14 Title Daily (unfinished, 176 words): “when chickens cross the road to hell” from decent-person
When Suzy asked Elly the question, she never expected to get that answer.
“Elly,” Suzy called, in a sing-song voice. Her head was moving from one side to the other, and her short braids swung around.
The older girl was hunched over, hands on a keyboard, eyes focused on the screen in front of her. Her black eyes didn’t process her sister’s call, and continued scanning the webpage.
“El-ly”, she repeated, drawing out each syllable. Her sister was, as per usual, sucked in her computer. Suzy began tapping Elly’s shoulder slowly, then started speeding up as she became bored. “Elly…”
She could no longer ignore the imminent annoyance standing in front of her. Snapping her head up, Elly met her sister’s blue eyes. She let out a sign. “Yes, Suzy?”
Mission successful; Suzy put her hands down, fidgeting with a paper clip. A corner of her mouth rose slightly, and formed a slight smile. She shifted her weight to a leg, and her eyes darted around the room.
Elly duly looked at Suzy. Her expectant gaze
When Suzy asked Elly the question, she never expected to get that answer.
“Elly,” Suzy called, in a sing-song voice. Her head was moving from one side to the other, and her short braids swung around.
The older girl was hunched over, hands on a keyboard, eyes focused on the screen in front of her. Her black eyes didn’t process her sister’s call, and continued scanning the webpage.
“El-ly”, she repeated, drawing out each syllable. Her sister was, as per usual, sucked in her computer. Suzy began tapping Elly’s shoulder slowly, then started speeding up as she became bored. “Elly…”
She could no longer ignore the imminent annoyance standing in front of her. Snapping her head up, Elly met her sister’s blue eyes. She let out a sign. “Yes, Suzy?”
Mission successful; Suzy put her hands down, fidgeting with a paper clip. A corner of her mouth rose slightly, and formed a slight smile. She shifted her weight to a leg, and her eyes darted around the room.
Elly duly looked at Suzy. Her expectant gaze
Last edited by CleverComment (Nov. 30, 2025 16:31:40)
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Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
11/27 Roleplay day!! (1134 words)
CLEV WAVES THEIR HAND AND SCREAMS, RUNNING INTO THE MAIN CABIN. “IT'S ROLEPLAY DAY!!!!”
THEY COLLAPSE ONTO THE GROUND. FINALLY. THE DAY HAD ARRIVED. CLEV SCREAMS AGAIN, GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE ENTIRE CABIN THAT THE DAY WAS FINALLY HERE!!!
CLEV STANDS UP AND CLAPS ENTHUSIASTICALLY. THE CARTWHEEL WAS BEAUTIFUL. THEY WIPE TEARS FROM THEIR EYES.
CLEV IS JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT. THEY GRAB A ROSE FROM THEIR POCKET AND TOSS IT AT SOLEI. “DO A BACKFLIP!!!” THEY EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY.
CLEV JUMPS AROUND, KNOCKING ON THE DOORS TO EACH OF THE CABINS, EAGER TO SHARE THEIR EXCITEMENT TO THE SLEEPING SWCERS. “WAKE UP!!!!” THEY SCREECH. “ROLEPLAY DAY IS FINALLY HERE!!!!”
CLEV SHOUTS AT TILLY. “YOU BETTER BE ASLEEP NOW!!!” THE TIME IS LATE AND THEY HOPE THAT THEY ARE WELL RESTED.
CLEV JUMPS IN JOY AT SKY'S PRESENCE. “WOOHOO!!!!!!! YES THERE ARE NO WORRIES ON ROLEPLAY DAY!!!” THEY START SPINNING IN A CIRCLE AROUND SKY
CLEV NOTICES THAT NOBODY IS DANCING WITH DRAGON AND STARTS LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. “HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
CLEV HAPPPENS TO READ DRAGON'S THOUGHTS AND WAITS IN WARY APPREHENSION. THEY ARE NOT EXCITED FOR THIS….
Clev, who is definitely British as well, LOVES saying “y'all”. “It's like ‘yeehaw!’” they say.
Clev confuses themselves with the number of apostrophes, single quotes, and double quotes they just wrote down.
CLEV GRABS SOME MOTIVATIONAL MANGOES FROM THEIR POCKETS (THEY HAPPENED TO HAVE SOME READY FOR THIS EXACT OCCASION). THEN, THEY START PELTING SNOWY WITH A BARRAGE OF MANGOES. “TAKE THIS!” THEY SAY, IN BETWEEN CHUCKING MANGOES AT SNOWY. “YOU GOT THIS!”
CLEV RUNS TOWARDS DRAGON AND STARTS POINTING AND LAUGHING AT HIM. “NOBODY RESPONDED TO YOU IN FOURTY ONE MINUTES HAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!” THEY START CHORTLING AND THEIR LEFT HAND FORMS THE LETTER “L”.
I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AS YOU!“ SAYS CLEV. THEY ARE ALSO A FEW THOUSAND WORDS FROM THEIR WORD GOAL, AND THEY WANT TO KNOCK OUT A FEW WORDS FROM ROLEPLAY DAY. THEY SIT ON A BEAN BAG NEXT TO KENZIE. ”WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO???“ THEY ASK.
CLEV DECIDES THAT MAYBE THEY SHOULD STOP TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. ”AT LEAST FOR NOW….“ THEY SAY.
Clev decides to stop using capital letters, because it has been a long day and they are getting a little bit tired. ”Ooh, that sounds really cool!“ they exclaim. They think for a moment, trying to continue the conversation. ”Did you do anything for Thanksgiving today?“ they ask.
CLEV NARROWLY DODGES A FLAMING FIREBALL THROWN IN THEIR DIRECTION. ”AAAAAAAA“ THEY SCREAM, SCARED THAT THEY HAD JUST HAD A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE. ”WHAT WAS THAT FOR SAGE?????“
Clev likes how they used ”blooming“ as a way to show a smile. ”How are you doing Mildred?“ they ask.
”I hope you DON'T manage to do that,“ Clev says with an evil grin. They rub their palms menacingly. They then laugh maniacally: ”MUAHHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!“
Clev is stuffed from their Thanksgiving dinner. ”Maybe it was the stuffing…“ they think. They look around the main cabin. ”IS ANYONE ELSE REALLY FULL RIGHT NOW??“ they shout.
”TWO MORE??“ Clev's mouth is agape. ”Who? What? When? Where? Why?“
They nod their head. ”Sure…“ (Clev will remember this… )
Looking back, Clev realizes that the near-death encounter was really fun. Like, really fun. They almost want to do it again… ”Can I join??“ Clev beseeches.
”That sounds REALLY fun!!“ Clev exclaims, a smile on their face. ”That's a really big family, but it sounds really lively.“ They try to picture having twelve people in a house at once. How did they all fit?? ”And wow, it must be cool having a birthday near Thanksgiving!“ they say.
CLEV EAGERLY SNATCHES THE WIZARD STAFF OUT OF SAGE'S HANDS, FIRE IN THEIR EYES. THERE ARE A MILLION POSSIBILITIES WITH THE STAFF… NOW, WILL THEY USE IT FOR GOOD OR FOR BAD? Clev looks around, and grins menacingly. ”For chaos…“ they whisper. They turn back to Sage. ”What's the spell for a fireball?“ they beseech again.
”It was great!!“ they said. ”My sister came over, and we had eight people in our house, so it was a lot too!“ They're grateful for the extra company. ”We ate a bunch of food, and it was a great time!!“
”Ohhh, that makes sense,“ Clev says. ”Have fun, you got this!!“ they say encouragingly.
CLEV IS SUMMONED. ”Is that a Hamilton reference??“ they asked.
Clev gasps in delight. They feel like a child who was allowed to do anything they wanted. The glowing green light is reflected in their eyes… the colour of power… the colour of want….
They're glad that the staff is blue. ”It's my favourite colour!“ they exclaim, using British spelling. ”What other spells are there??“ they ask, trying to hide their fascination.
”To be honest, I'm a bit tired.“ Clev starts yawning a little bit, and decides it is in their best interest to go to bed soon. ”But it's great that you're doing great!!“
clev jumps back into the main cabin one last time. ”it is a little bit late…. later than i had hoped…. i am retiring… good night all…“ they salute and head to bed.
CLEV DECIDES THAT SOMETIMES THEY LIKE TALKING TO THEMSELVES. CLEV WAKES UP TO NUMEROUS MESSAGES FROM DRAGON AND IS PLEASED THAT THEY HAD MADE SUCH A BIG IMPRESSION. CLEV SAYS ”IT IS TIME FOR ME TO BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY.“
Clev laughs haughtily at Dragon. A mere 550 words? Clev already has over 900! ”Only 550?“ They blow a raspberry. ”BAHAHAHA!!!!!“ They start prancing around Dragon, and disappears into who knows where.
They appear back into reality. ”Urgh…“ Clev says begrudgingly. ”I guess you're right…“ They tap their head for a moment, thinking. Then, they say ”I guess… in the end, it's not about the words. It's about the memories. We're all making memories by roleplaying, regardless of how many words we write!“ They think to themselves ”that was tuff“.
Clev stares at Squidy in wide-eyed horror. How had she read their thoughts?? And, more importantly… what else was she capable of??? Clev starts backing away from Squidy slowly, keeping their eyes fixed on her at all times….
CLEV RUSHES INTO THE MAIN CABIN. ”AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!“ THEY SCREAM AT THE TOP OF LUNGS, HOLDING MAY'S SHOULDERS AND SHAKING HER BACK AND FORTH. ”FINISH YOUR WRITING COMP ENTRY!!!!!!! I NEED TO READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!!!“ WHILE THEY ARE DOING THIS, THEY ARE PELTING MAY WITH ONE THOUSAND MOTIVATIONAL MANGOES.
CLEV IS INSTANTLY SUMMONED AT THE MENTION OF SIX SEVEN. ”SIX…. SEVEN????“ THEY START MOVING THEIR HANDS UP AND DOWN RAPIDLY UNTIL THEIR HANDS ARE WHIRRING LIKE A HELICOPTOR BLADE AND START FLYING
AND, BETTER YET…. SIX SEVEN FOR REAL-FI???? IT'S A WIN-WIN!!!” THEY SAY AS THEY ARE ASCENDING TO THE HEAVENS AFTER SAYING SIX SEVEN TOO MANY TIMES.
clev comes rushing in. “HI WILD!!!!!!!!!”
CLEV WAVES THEIR HAND AND SCREAMS, RUNNING INTO THE MAIN CABIN. “IT'S ROLEPLAY DAY!!!!”
THEY COLLAPSE ONTO THE GROUND. FINALLY. THE DAY HAD ARRIVED. CLEV SCREAMS AGAIN, GLAD TO ANNOUNCE TO THE ENTIRE CABIN THAT THE DAY WAS FINALLY HERE!!!
CLEV STANDS UP AND CLAPS ENTHUSIASTICALLY. THE CARTWHEEL WAS BEAUTIFUL. THEY WIPE TEARS FROM THEIR EYES.
CLEV IS JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT. THEY GRAB A ROSE FROM THEIR POCKET AND TOSS IT AT SOLEI. “DO A BACKFLIP!!!” THEY EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY.
CLEV JUMPS AROUND, KNOCKING ON THE DOORS TO EACH OF THE CABINS, EAGER TO SHARE THEIR EXCITEMENT TO THE SLEEPING SWCERS. “WAKE UP!!!!” THEY SCREECH. “ROLEPLAY DAY IS FINALLY HERE!!!!”
CLEV SHOUTS AT TILLY. “YOU BETTER BE ASLEEP NOW!!!” THE TIME IS LATE AND THEY HOPE THAT THEY ARE WELL RESTED.
CLEV JUMPS IN JOY AT SKY'S PRESENCE. “WOOHOO!!!!!!! YES THERE ARE NO WORRIES ON ROLEPLAY DAY!!!” THEY START SPINNING IN A CIRCLE AROUND SKY
CLEV NOTICES THAT NOBODY IS DANCING WITH DRAGON AND STARTS LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. “HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
CLEV HAPPPENS TO READ DRAGON'S THOUGHTS AND WAITS IN WARY APPREHENSION. THEY ARE NOT EXCITED FOR THIS….
Clev, who is definitely British as well, LOVES saying “y'all”. “It's like ‘yeehaw!’” they say.
Clev confuses themselves with the number of apostrophes, single quotes, and double quotes they just wrote down.
CLEV GRABS SOME MOTIVATIONAL MANGOES FROM THEIR POCKETS (THEY HAPPENED TO HAVE SOME READY FOR THIS EXACT OCCASION). THEN, THEY START PELTING SNOWY WITH A BARRAGE OF MANGOES. “TAKE THIS!” THEY SAY, IN BETWEEN CHUCKING MANGOES AT SNOWY. “YOU GOT THIS!”
CLEV RUNS TOWARDS DRAGON AND STARTS POINTING AND LAUGHING AT HIM. “NOBODY RESPONDED TO YOU IN FOURTY ONE MINUTES HAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!” THEY START CHORTLING AND THEIR LEFT HAND FORMS THE LETTER “L”.
I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AS YOU!“ SAYS CLEV. THEY ARE ALSO A FEW THOUSAND WORDS FROM THEIR WORD GOAL, AND THEY WANT TO KNOCK OUT A FEW WORDS FROM ROLEPLAY DAY. THEY SIT ON A BEAN BAG NEXT TO KENZIE. ”WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO???“ THEY ASK.
CLEV DECIDES THAT MAYBE THEY SHOULD STOP TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. ”AT LEAST FOR NOW….“ THEY SAY.
Clev decides to stop using capital letters, because it has been a long day and they are getting a little bit tired. ”Ooh, that sounds really cool!“ they exclaim. They think for a moment, trying to continue the conversation. ”Did you do anything for Thanksgiving today?“ they ask.
CLEV NARROWLY DODGES A FLAMING FIREBALL THROWN IN THEIR DIRECTION. ”AAAAAAAA“ THEY SCREAM, SCARED THAT THEY HAD JUST HAD A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE. ”WHAT WAS THAT FOR SAGE?????“
Clev likes how they used ”blooming“ as a way to show a smile. ”How are you doing Mildred?“ they ask.
”I hope you DON'T manage to do that,“ Clev says with an evil grin. They rub their palms menacingly. They then laugh maniacally: ”MUAHHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!“
Clev is stuffed from their Thanksgiving dinner. ”Maybe it was the stuffing…“ they think. They look around the main cabin. ”IS ANYONE ELSE REALLY FULL RIGHT NOW??“ they shout.
”TWO MORE??“ Clev's mouth is agape. ”Who? What? When? Where? Why?“
They nod their head. ”Sure…“ (Clev will remember this… )
Looking back, Clev realizes that the near-death encounter was really fun. Like, really fun. They almost want to do it again… ”Can I join??“ Clev beseeches.
”That sounds REALLY fun!!“ Clev exclaims, a smile on their face. ”That's a really big family, but it sounds really lively.“ They try to picture having twelve people in a house at once. How did they all fit?? ”And wow, it must be cool having a birthday near Thanksgiving!“ they say.
CLEV EAGERLY SNATCHES THE WIZARD STAFF OUT OF SAGE'S HANDS, FIRE IN THEIR EYES. THERE ARE A MILLION POSSIBILITIES WITH THE STAFF… NOW, WILL THEY USE IT FOR GOOD OR FOR BAD? Clev looks around, and grins menacingly. ”For chaos…“ they whisper. They turn back to Sage. ”What's the spell for a fireball?“ they beseech again.
”It was great!!“ they said. ”My sister came over, and we had eight people in our house, so it was a lot too!“ They're grateful for the extra company. ”We ate a bunch of food, and it was a great time!!“
”Ohhh, that makes sense,“ Clev says. ”Have fun, you got this!!“ they say encouragingly.
CLEV IS SUMMONED. ”Is that a Hamilton reference??“ they asked.
Clev gasps in delight. They feel like a child who was allowed to do anything they wanted. The glowing green light is reflected in their eyes… the colour of power… the colour of want….
They're glad that the staff is blue. ”It's my favourite colour!“ they exclaim, using British spelling. ”What other spells are there??“ they ask, trying to hide their fascination.
”To be honest, I'm a bit tired.“ Clev starts yawning a little bit, and decides it is in their best interest to go to bed soon. ”But it's great that you're doing great!!“
clev jumps back into the main cabin one last time. ”it is a little bit late…. later than i had hoped…. i am retiring… good night all…“ they salute and head to bed.
CLEV DECIDES THAT SOMETIMES THEY LIKE TALKING TO THEMSELVES. CLEV WAKES UP TO NUMEROUS MESSAGES FROM DRAGON AND IS PLEASED THAT THEY HAD MADE SUCH A BIG IMPRESSION. CLEV SAYS ”IT IS TIME FOR ME TO BE PRODUCTIVE TODAY.“
Clev laughs haughtily at Dragon. A mere 550 words? Clev already has over 900! ”Only 550?“ They blow a raspberry. ”BAHAHAHA!!!!!“ They start prancing around Dragon, and disappears into who knows where.
They appear back into reality. ”Urgh…“ Clev says begrudgingly. ”I guess you're right…“ They tap their head for a moment, thinking. Then, they say ”I guess… in the end, it's not about the words. It's about the memories. We're all making memories by roleplaying, regardless of how many words we write!“ They think to themselves ”that was tuff“.
Clev stares at Squidy in wide-eyed horror. How had she read their thoughts?? And, more importantly… what else was she capable of??? Clev starts backing away from Squidy slowly, keeping their eyes fixed on her at all times….
CLEV RUSHES INTO THE MAIN CABIN. ”AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!“ THEY SCREAM AT THE TOP OF LUNGS, HOLDING MAY'S SHOULDERS AND SHAKING HER BACK AND FORTH. ”FINISH YOUR WRITING COMP ENTRY!!!!!!! I NEED TO READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!!!“ WHILE THEY ARE DOING THIS, THEY ARE PELTING MAY WITH ONE THOUSAND MOTIVATIONAL MANGOES.
CLEV IS INSTANTLY SUMMONED AT THE MENTION OF SIX SEVEN. ”SIX…. SEVEN????“ THEY START MOVING THEIR HANDS UP AND DOWN RAPIDLY UNTIL THEIR HANDS ARE WHIRRING LIKE A HELICOPTOR BLADE AND START FLYING
AND, BETTER YET…. SIX SEVEN FOR REAL-FI???? IT'S A WIN-WIN!!!” THEY SAY AS THEY ARE ASCENDING TO THE HEAVENS AFTER SAYING SIX SEVEN TOO MANY TIMES.
clev comes rushing in. “HI WILD!!!!!!!!!”
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Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
11/23 Cabin Wars #2 (685 words)
Writing Sprint #1 (307 words)
Hello, I am speaking from the other side. I believe there is something wrong with our form of communication right now, as the words I have been saying to you have not seemed to been transmitted. I have been repeatedly asking your side to send help; our side of the mirror is facing war: thousands of civilians are uprising against the government, and the government has fallen. However, there is a scramble for power amongst the civilians on who will be the next to ascend the throne. They each want their own power, they each want to be the next one to rule the world. So, as a result, all of them are fighting to become the next ruler, and war is happening all over again.
I have come to you in a time of desperation; I have not witnessed such violent bloodshed in my life; and I’ve lived for over 300 years. I know that we have not communicated much in the past, and we are not on the best terms. But I am sending this, because I know that you are someone who is willing to be there in times of need. Your side seems to be facing relative prosperity, at least, it seems like it. You have the resources to help, and you have the resources to stay quiet; it’s up to you.
But, in the end, I hope you will do what is right. We need more soldiers to combat the fighting and initiate peace talks. We need a strong system to ensure the next ruler is selected well. We need a new side; but in order to do that, we need a little help starting it. So, whether you get this or not, whether you choose to listen or not, I respect your decision. I hope this message goes through. Thank you.
Writing Sprint #2 (378 words)
The cat and the hat and the bat and the rat and the mat and the schmat were all having fun the other day. There were also other things that they were playing with, even if they did not make sense: there was something called a dat (it was a type of fish that they had named) and a fat (it’s not what it seems like, it was a literal fat. Like, a scientific fat. Like, a fatty acid. So don’t worry). The motley crew were playing and having fun and they were playing many games, especially in the park. In the park, there were many things to do. The cat and the bat and rat were all playing tag together and chasing each other around the park. The hat and the mat and the schmat, on the other hand, were just sitting there because obviously they could not move as they were inanimate objects. I should explain to you now what a schmat is: nobody knows. It is just this random conglomeration of things that the cat and the hat and the bat and the rat and the mat chose and combined to make a schmat. It was just there; there was no way to describe it.
So, the mat and the hat and the schmat were just sitting there, and they were doing nothing. NOw, you may be wondering: how did they even get there in the first place, if they could not move? That’s a great question. The cat and the bat and the rat each were holding one of them and brought them to the park. Now, you may be wondering another question: how were they playing and sentient if they are inanimate objects? Isn’t that the literal point of being inanimate? And to that, I counter; they are not inanimate: sure, they can’t move. But, they can still see and talk and experience life. Now, you may be be wondering a new question: how is that the case? Hats and mats and schmats cannot talk? And you are right. However, it is a fiction story and they can do whatever they want because this is not real life. That is all. They all had fun and that is the end of the story.
Last edited by CleverComment (Dec. 1, 2025 20:43:41)
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Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
He is barely awake, sitting in a chair in a precarious position, balancing between staying up and falling down.
There is a certain risk in life that makes it fun; that’s what he’s thinking. The day goes on, and, second by second, his eyes start drooping ever so slightly.
His legs tip backwards and for a moment, when the chair crashes to the ground, his heart stops beating. Snapping awake on the fallen chair, he feels that he has survived a narrow encounter with death.
After a minute, his heart is still racing, and he sits back on the upright chair. But, with the slow ticking of the clock, the overwhelming silence in the room, he begins to ease, second by second.
Ten minutes later, he falls again.
There is a certain risk in life that makes it fun; that’s what he’s thinking. The day goes on, and, second by second, his eyes start drooping ever so slightly.
His legs tip backwards and for a moment, when the chair crashes to the ground, his heart stops beating. Snapping awake on the fallen chair, he feels that he has survived a narrow encounter with death.
After a minute, his heart is still racing, and he sits back on the upright chair. But, with the slow ticking of the clock, the overwhelming silence in the room, he begins to ease, second by second.
Ten minutes later, he falls again.
- CleverComment
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Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
november 2025 thank-you notes (1332 words)
this month literally passed by SO fast, a lot faster than usual. i remember the first weekend of november, and that felt like an eternity ago; however, the whole month slipped by so quickly, and i can't believe it's almost december and basically the end of the year. and, with the end of this session, it's like another year in swc has gone by. the next session will be in 2026. this writing thread will be replaced. isn't that crazy?
anyways, this sesssion, i had a blast, and even though i didn't participate as much as i usually do, i still had so much fun! i'm on a bit of a time crunch here, so i might not thank as many people as i usually do (ok i lied i need to reach my word goal so im adding a bunch of people); just know that i appreciate you just as much. you're the best
to real-fi: we had a great session!! this cabin was SO chill, and i met so many new people and made many new experiences with people i already knew. i really liked how our cabin wasn't super competitive and was instead more laid-back; it was a really nice change of pace. real-fi is also my favourite genre to write, so i'm super happy that i finally got a chance to be in a real-fi cabin!! i have never went camping before, but i'm adding it to my bucket list right now! i know that we're going to do great in the end (i have a feeling..) but regardless, i had a lot of fun in real-fi and meeting everyone. hope to see you all in the future!!!
to snowy: thank you for being such an amazing leader this session!! i loved the daily QOTDs (they were so fun), and it was soo cool to finally be in a cabin with you (in the past, i was always watching when you wrote 100k in the other cabins and i was in awe hehe). i loved talking with you and singing gracie abrams lyrics together!! see you around
to surf: hi surf!! i had a lot of fun in real-fi this session, and it was great meeting you. i LOVE the profile pictures, they're actually soo amazing. thank you for making them (and so quickly too!), and i will be sure to cherish mine for years to come. see you around!!
to recca: HI recca, i'm so happy we're finally in a cabin together!! i loved being in your word count group, and it was so fun. thank you for always adding my words so quickly!! also, i'll never get tired of the six seven jokes… (67) and i loved reading your writing comp entry; i thought that it was super cool discussing it and learning more about it with you. i'm adding wuthering heights to my tbr as well as the movie >:D see you around!!!
to may: hi may!!!!! it's soo cool that we're in a cabin again, and i loved seeing you in real-fi!! you dominated with that writing comp entry, and i loved chucking giving you 1000 motivation mangoes when you needed it hehehe, see you around <333
to dragon: HI DRAGON!! wooohooo i'm so glad you're back in swc again (omg 1 year anniversary since you first joined, i actually can't believe it's been a year), and i loved sharing it with you this month. even though you may have won the word goal competition, let's see how our cabins do in the end… muahahhahahahaa!!! i loved roleplaying and bullying teasing you; it was really fun. and, thank you for the critique for my entry, and always being there. i really appreciate you <333 let's do this again in march >:D
to solei: HI!!! we didn't talk much, but i loved seeing you around the main cabin, and i have a vivid memory of roleplaying with you; it was super fun HOPE TO SEE YOU IN MARCH!!
to moss: HI MOSS!! thanks for being an amazing host!! just wanted to thank you for always putting up with my random reminders for the activity record and stuff xD ur the best!!
to lune: HI LUNE!! bi-fireworks were soo fun this month (even though i couldnt participate a lot). i loved interacting with you throughout the month; good luck with your novel!!
to sydney: hey sydney!! omg i can't believe it's been another session :0 I NEVER GOT THAT WORD WAR DONE UNFORTUNATELY but i still had a lot of fun seeing you around camp. see you in march
to bea: HI BEA!!! i loved talking with you this month, i feel like it's been so long since we first met (i can't even remember when it was)!! i loved seeing your changing pfps (i'll change mine soon trust). and hopefully you've been getting enough sleep (or else….) (i've added a lot of parentheses in this thank-you note…). thanks for keeping my sleep schedule intact as well!!! see you around <33
to eevee: it's been another year :0 time really flies, but i've loved being in swc with you all this time, and this session too and thank u for always being someone i can rely on. you're the best. here's to more sessions to come!! *raises glass*
to kiara: OMG it was SOOO fun swapping with you on wednesday!!! i literally will remember that for so long. we had the whole setup as well (pfp, about me, banner), and it was SO fun taking inspiration from your typing mannerism as well hehe :sparkles: gothic seems soo cool, and it was so cool being a part of it for a day!! see u around
to november: if i'm being honest, this month was pretty rough for me (compared to the rest of the year). usually, the last few months of the year go the best, because the weather is cooler and it's the holiday session. but november, for me, felt like i was constantly flopping and failing. whether it was giving bad speeches at competitions, failing auditions and other writing competitions, and continually comparing myself to other people, there were a lot of times where i felt pretty bad about myself. it also impacted my swc participation, i feel, because i only did like four dailies and not a single weekly. but there were some good times as well: i hung out with my friends a lot this month (a lot more than usual!), rode my bike, had my family come over, and i even wrote a few pieces i liked. i think i just had a lot of high expectations for this month, and it just didn't end up going my way. but, this month is over, and it's time to look to the future as well. november, thank you; we need to have downs to have ups, and all of our low moments have some good parts too. for that, thank you.
to myself: YESSS i'm finally done with thank yous!!! phew i didn't know that i would get through it. i think, around now, i should basically be at my word goal!! (20k). (also yes i know that originally it was supposed to be 25k but i got a bit busy and unmotivated, and i'm glad im still in the 20s anyways!) i'm proud of you for making it through this month; like i mentioned before, it was hard, but i got through it. good job to you for that. and wow, with the end of these thank you notes, it's basically saying that this year's swc sessions are over. it felt like yesterday was march 2025. but, there's still a month left, and i'm hoping to write for a few minutes every day and add some more writing to this thread! but, besides that, i'm grateful that you were able to talk to so many amazing people and make amazing moments. i'm going to be wrapping up this post now; i'll see you soon!
this month literally passed by SO fast, a lot faster than usual. i remember the first weekend of november, and that felt like an eternity ago; however, the whole month slipped by so quickly, and i can't believe it's almost december and basically the end of the year. and, with the end of this session, it's like another year in swc has gone by. the next session will be in 2026. this writing thread will be replaced. isn't that crazy?
anyways, this sesssion, i had a blast, and even though i didn't participate as much as i usually do, i still had so much fun! i'm on a bit of a time crunch here, so i might not thank as many people as i usually do (ok i lied i need to reach my word goal so im adding a bunch of people); just know that i appreciate you just as much. you're the best
to real-fi: we had a great session!! this cabin was SO chill, and i met so many new people and made many new experiences with people i already knew. i really liked how our cabin wasn't super competitive and was instead more laid-back; it was a really nice change of pace. real-fi is also my favourite genre to write, so i'm super happy that i finally got a chance to be in a real-fi cabin!! i have never went camping before, but i'm adding it to my bucket list right now! i know that we're going to do great in the end (i have a feeling..) but regardless, i had a lot of fun in real-fi and meeting everyone. hope to see you all in the future!!!
to snowy: thank you for being such an amazing leader this session!! i loved the daily QOTDs (they were so fun), and it was soo cool to finally be in a cabin with you (in the past, i was always watching when you wrote 100k in the other cabins and i was in awe hehe). i loved talking with you and singing gracie abrams lyrics together!! see you around
to surf: hi surf!! i had a lot of fun in real-fi this session, and it was great meeting you. i LOVE the profile pictures, they're actually soo amazing. thank you for making them (and so quickly too!), and i will be sure to cherish mine for years to come. see you around!!
to recca: HI recca, i'm so happy we're finally in a cabin together!! i loved being in your word count group, and it was so fun. thank you for always adding my words so quickly!! also, i'll never get tired of the six seven jokes… (67) and i loved reading your writing comp entry; i thought that it was super cool discussing it and learning more about it with you. i'm adding wuthering heights to my tbr as well as the movie >:D see you around!!!
to may: hi may!!!!! it's soo cool that we're in a cabin again, and i loved seeing you in real-fi!! you dominated with that writing comp entry, and i loved chucking giving you 1000 motivation mangoes when you needed it hehehe, see you around <333
to dragon: HI DRAGON!! wooohooo i'm so glad you're back in swc again (omg 1 year anniversary since you first joined, i actually can't believe it's been a year), and i loved sharing it with you this month. even though you may have won the word goal competition, let's see how our cabins do in the end… muahahhahahahaa!!! i loved roleplaying and bullying teasing you; it was really fun. and, thank you for the critique for my entry, and always being there. i really appreciate you <333 let's do this again in march >:D
to solei: HI!!! we didn't talk much, but i loved seeing you around the main cabin, and i have a vivid memory of roleplaying with you; it was super fun
HOPE TO SEE YOU IN MARCH!!to moss: HI MOSS!! thanks for being an amazing host!! just wanted to thank you for always putting up with my random reminders for the activity record and stuff xD ur the best!!
to lune: HI LUNE!! bi-fireworks were soo fun this month (even though i couldnt participate a lot). i loved interacting with you throughout the month; good luck with your novel!!
to sydney: hey sydney!! omg i can't believe it's been another session :0 I NEVER GOT THAT WORD WAR DONE UNFORTUNATELY but i still had a lot of fun seeing you around camp. see you in march
to bea: HI BEA!!! i loved talking with you this month, i feel like it's been so long since we first met (i can't even remember when it was)!! i loved seeing your changing pfps (i'll change mine soon trust). and hopefully you've been getting enough sleep (or else….) (i've added a lot of parentheses in this thank-you note…). thanks for keeping my sleep schedule intact as well!!! see you around <33
to eevee: it's been another year :0 time really flies, but i've loved being in swc with you all this time, and this session too
and thank u for always being someone i can rely on. you're the best. here's to more sessions to come!! *raises glass*to kiara: OMG it was SOOO fun swapping with you on wednesday!!! i literally will remember that for so long. we had the whole setup as well (pfp, about me, banner), and it was SO fun taking inspiration from your typing mannerism as well hehe :sparkles: gothic seems soo cool, and it was so cool being a part of it for a day!! see u around
to november: if i'm being honest, this month was pretty rough for me (compared to the rest of the year). usually, the last few months of the year go the best, because the weather is cooler and it's the holiday session. but november, for me, felt like i was constantly flopping and failing. whether it was giving bad speeches at competitions, failing auditions and other writing competitions, and continually comparing myself to other people, there were a lot of times where i felt pretty bad about myself. it also impacted my swc participation, i feel, because i only did like four dailies and not a single weekly. but there were some good times as well: i hung out with my friends a lot this month (a lot more than usual!), rode my bike, had my family come over, and i even wrote a few pieces i liked. i think i just had a lot of high expectations for this month, and it just didn't end up going my way. but, this month is over, and it's time to look to the future as well. november, thank you; we need to have downs to have ups, and all of our low moments have some good parts too. for that, thank you.
to myself: YESSS i'm finally done with thank yous!!! phew i didn't know that i would get through it. i think, around now, i should basically be at my word goal!! (20k). (also yes i know that originally it was supposed to be 25k but i got a bit busy and unmotivated, and i'm glad im still in the 20s anyways!) i'm proud of you for making it through this month; like i mentioned before, it was hard, but i got through it. good job to you for that. and wow, with the end of these thank you notes, it's basically saying that this year's swc sessions are over. it felt like yesterday was march 2025. but, there's still a month left, and i'm hoping to write for a few minutes every day and add some more writing to this thread! but, besides that, i'm grateful that you were able to talk to so many amazing people and make amazing moments. i'm going to be wrapping up this post now; i'll see you soon!
Last edited by CleverComment (Dec. 1, 2025 02:48:03)
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
Real-fi Activity Challenge (301 words), continuation from Bob's story
Prompt: give your character a superpower and make them a fool enough to lose it (by Storm)
Bob was left with a sky full of raining cotton candy and a missing soul. That's pretty normal, right?
He felt that he should'nt've made the decision, but at the same time, he got free food. So, Bob grabbed a piece of cotton candy around him, just as it was about to fall. It was a vivid pink colour. Without a thought in him, he ate it. To his mouth, it tasted amazing; the flavours were bouncing around in his tongue. But, in his heart, he felt… nothing.
Anyways, that probably wasn't important. Bob was glad he got cotton candy. But suddenly, it stopped raining from the sky, and he was left with a whole bunch of cotton candy on the floor. The unicorn promised him a lifetime supply, so that didn't make sense. Bob wanted more. He started jumping angrily, thinking that he got scammed. Then, he randomly started snapping his fingers rhythmically, and suddenly, cotton candy spawned in his hand.
Bob could now summon cotton candy with his bare hands! He started snapping as much as he could until he was literally swamped by the pink and blue candy around him. Then, when he reached to snap again, he saw that some of the swirls had stuck to his fingers, so he couldn't move them. He tried to brush them off, but they were stuck to his fingers; he could no longer get any more cotton candy.
With his magical ability taken away, his day was ruined. It didn't help that he could still imagine the unicorn's menacing grin, its malicious, yet adorable, eyes staring into his now-missing soul.
So now, Bob had a few things he needed to do. Find the unicorn. Get his cotton candy back. And also his soul. (But mainly the cotton candy.)
Prompt: give your character a superpower and make them a fool enough to lose it (by Storm)
Bob was left with a sky full of raining cotton candy and a missing soul. That's pretty normal, right?
He felt that he should'nt've made the decision, but at the same time, he got free food. So, Bob grabbed a piece of cotton candy around him, just as it was about to fall. It was a vivid pink colour. Without a thought in him, he ate it. To his mouth, it tasted amazing; the flavours were bouncing around in his tongue. But, in his heart, he felt… nothing.
Anyways, that probably wasn't important. Bob was glad he got cotton candy. But suddenly, it stopped raining from the sky, and he was left with a whole bunch of cotton candy on the floor. The unicorn promised him a lifetime supply, so that didn't make sense. Bob wanted more. He started jumping angrily, thinking that he got scammed. Then, he randomly started snapping his fingers rhythmically, and suddenly, cotton candy spawned in his hand.
Bob could now summon cotton candy with his bare hands! He started snapping as much as he could until he was literally swamped by the pink and blue candy around him. Then, when he reached to snap again, he saw that some of the swirls had stuck to his fingers, so he couldn't move them. He tried to brush them off, but they were stuck to his fingers; he could no longer get any more cotton candy.
With his magical ability taken away, his day was ruined. It didn't help that he could still imagine the unicorn's menacing grin, its malicious, yet adorable, eyes staring into his now-missing soul.
So now, Bob had a few things he needed to do. Find the unicorn. Get his cotton candy back. And also his soul. (But mainly the cotton candy.)
Last edited by CleverComment (Dec. 1, 2025 03:43:20)
- CleverComment
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
watermelon and fruit flies (second draft)
I always thought of summer as long days and short nights. Waking up with the sun, sleeping under the stars. The smell of freedom, and tall grass, and flowing hills. Rough towels draped over our backs, cicadas chirping through lazy afternoons. Summer was when days were carefree; those days, the only thing that mattered was nothing.
When summer rolled around, I sank my teeth into sweet watermelon slices every day. Red juice dribbled down my chin, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was the taste; and, boy, were they perfect. Perfect after a day spent roaming, a day spent swimming, a day spent sleeping.
Once, after gulping down too much watermelon, I swallowed a few seeds. Terrified at the idea of a watermelon tree growing in my stomach, I couldn’t eat it for days after. My mum thought it was funny — a way of getting more fruit for free. Now, years later, I can’t eat a watermelon without smiling.
But when I think of summer, I forget about the sweltering heat, and the boiling sunburns, and the mosquitoes that would bite at night. The loud fans, constantly blowing dry air indoors, and the damp clothes sticking to my skin. I forget about the fruit flies flying around the house, swarming the watermelon with greed and hope. Every time, I batted them away, protecting my precious fruit from their hungry clutches.
I’m the type of person who tends to romanticize things long gone, trapped in false idealisms of the past — it’s my way of preserving my fleeting memories. I pick and choose what I want to remember about summer: the freedom of the blue sky, without the oppression of the humid air. The watermelon, without the fruit flies.
And, every year, I long to relive the perfect summers from my childhood — the carefree days spent riding bikes and sleeping in. But, to say that they were complete without the fruit flies would be wrong. No matter how hard I tried to forget them, they were always there, ominously rubbing their hands together. I guess, to have a summer without fruit flies would be to not have a summer at all.
For me, I don’t yearn for my past summers because they were perfect; I yearn for them because they were real. The never-ending bugs besieging my house was the epitome of those days, in all its flawed glory. And, try as I might, the juicy watermelon I dream of won’t be the same without the tireless fruit flies circling around it.
So, this summer, I won’t be chasing old fantasies. Instead, I’ll be creating new ones.
I always thought of summer as long days and short nights. Waking up with the sun, sleeping under the stars. The smell of freedom, and tall grass, and flowing hills. Rough towels draped over our backs, cicadas chirping through lazy afternoons. Summer was when days were carefree; those days, the only thing that mattered was nothing.
When summer rolled around, I sank my teeth into sweet watermelon slices every day. Red juice dribbled down my chin, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was the taste; and, boy, were they perfect. Perfect after a day spent roaming, a day spent swimming, a day spent sleeping.
Once, after gulping down too much watermelon, I swallowed a few seeds. Terrified at the idea of a watermelon tree growing in my stomach, I couldn’t eat it for days after. My mum thought it was funny — a way of getting more fruit for free. Now, years later, I can’t eat a watermelon without smiling.
But when I think of summer, I forget about the sweltering heat, and the boiling sunburns, and the mosquitoes that would bite at night. The loud fans, constantly blowing dry air indoors, and the damp clothes sticking to my skin. I forget about the fruit flies flying around the house, swarming the watermelon with greed and hope. Every time, I batted them away, protecting my precious fruit from their hungry clutches.
I’m the type of person who tends to romanticize things long gone, trapped in false idealisms of the past — it’s my way of preserving my fleeting memories. I pick and choose what I want to remember about summer: the freedom of the blue sky, without the oppression of the humid air. The watermelon, without the fruit flies.
And, every year, I long to relive the perfect summers from my childhood — the carefree days spent riding bikes and sleeping in. But, to say that they were complete without the fruit flies would be wrong. No matter how hard I tried to forget them, they were always there, ominously rubbing their hands together. I guess, to have a summer without fruit flies would be to not have a summer at all.
For me, I don’t yearn for my past summers because they were perfect; I yearn for them because they were real. The never-ending bugs besieging my house was the epitome of those days, in all its flawed glory. And, try as I might, the juicy watermelon I dream of won’t be the same without the tireless fruit flies circling around it.
So, this summer, I won’t be chasing old fantasies. Instead, I’ll be creating new ones.
Last edited by CleverComment (Dec. 6, 2025 04:58:59)
- Alfalfa78
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Scratcher
100+ posts
Clev's SWC Writing Thread (2025)
Overall Thoughts
Okay, so first of all the flow of this is just really nice? It almost feels like a monologue/soliloquy that I'd hear from a Shakespearean play /pos
It's very poetic, even without rhyming. It just has this flow and rhythm to it that pulls you along. But also the mood was absolutely spot on and oh so very real.
The nostalgia and wishing to go back in time to relive those memories - even if they aren't quite perfect because they're real. It's just… perfect, I guess?
Plus, all of the memories are very… tangible, in a way. Even if I haven't personally experienced them, I can still visualize them perfectly.
All in all, the mood and theme and the syntax is very good and very pretty! I liked it a whole lot ^^
But moving onto the actual critique part…
Grammar Stuff
I'm probably being SO picky and this is probably just a me thing but I'd take out all of the commas in this sentence
Because they make me pause and read it a lot slower, and to me this feels like a sentence that shouldn't be so slow and lethargic. Unless, of course, that was intentional, then feel free to ignore this!
And I'm also probably being super duper picky is this sentence:
I'd change the semi-colon to a period. It just flows better in my brain when they're separate but again, this is probably me being super picky.
But one thing that stuck out to me was these lines:
I was reading it and the shift from the last line about the watermelon to line after it felt very abrupt. I just feel like there needs to be one last item in the list for it to feel less empty, I guess?
Lines That I Really Liked
Honestly, the whole piece was really good, but I'll just toss in some lines that really stuck out to me.
This is just too relatable :')
And this one is just way too real (pun half-intended). Life isn't perfect and that's what makes it life. If it was perfect, it'd only be some sort of dream instead of reality. So, the whole yearning for the past, for both its good parts and bad parts is just really… nice, I guess? I just don't have a proper word that translates what I'm feeling other than “nice” or “good.” But it's nice seeing something like this mentioned with such beautiful prose.
So, yes! This is a very pretty piece, and you should definitely win that competition!
Okay, so first of all the flow of this is just really nice? It almost feels like a monologue/soliloquy that I'd hear from a Shakespearean play /pos
It's very poetic, even without rhyming. It just has this flow and rhythm to it that pulls you along. But also the mood was absolutely spot on and oh so very real.
The nostalgia and wishing to go back in time to relive those memories - even if they aren't quite perfect because they're real. It's just… perfect, I guess?
Plus, all of the memories are very… tangible, in a way. Even if I haven't personally experienced them, I can still visualize them perfectly.
All in all, the mood and theme and the syntax is very good and very pretty! I liked it a whole lot ^^
But moving onto the actual critique part…
Grammar Stuff
I'm probably being SO picky and this is probably just a me thing but I'd take out all of the commas in this sentence
The smell of freedom, and tall grass, and flowing hills.
Because they make me pause and read it a lot slower, and to me this feels like a sentence that shouldn't be so slow and lethargic. Unless, of course, that was intentional, then feel free to ignore this!
And I'm also probably being super duper picky is this sentence:
Summer was when days were carefree; those days, the only thing that mattered was nothing.
I'd change the semi-colon to a period. It just flows better in my brain when they're separate but again, this is probably me being super picky.
But one thing that stuck out to me was these lines:
I pick and choose what I want to remember about summer: the freedom of the blue sky, without the oppression of the humid air. The watermelon, without the fruit flies.
I was reading it and the shift from the last line about the watermelon to line after it felt very abrupt. I just feel like there needs to be one last item in the list for it to feel less empty, I guess?
Lines That I Really Liked
Honestly, the whole piece was really good, but I'll just toss in some lines that really stuck out to me.
I’m the type of person who tends to romanticize things long gone, trapped in false idealisms of the past — it’s my way of preserving my fleeting memories.
This is just too relatable :')
For me, I don’t yearn for my past summers because they were perfect; I yearn for them because they were real.
And this one is just way too real (pun half-intended). Life isn't perfect and that's what makes it life. If it was perfect, it'd only be some sort of dream instead of reality. So, the whole yearning for the past, for both its good parts and bad parts is just really… nice, I guess? I just don't have a proper word that translates what I'm feeling other than “nice” or “good.” But it's nice seeing something like this mentioned with such beautiful prose.
So, yes! This is a very pretty piece, and you should definitely win that competition!
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