⇾ Daily #29 (Prologue) ⚘

(adding a prologue to an old novel, from the protagonist's future self POV)

Looking back on the whole thing, I should have turned my back on everything and been done with it.
I never should have tried to solve the problems of someone so perfect. I never should have been around for her death.
I never should have stayed in a place that seemed like home.
I sound pretty dramatic, I know. I'm making my life sound like some glorious epic of pain and love and loss.
It's not. Most of it was spent lazing around in my dorm or watching Bria slowly come to terms with… well, everything.
Until I crossed a line.
If I had learned to keep my mouth shut and have some basic level of trust, I would be a different person.
I would never have become a murderer.
Evan and Bria are watching me while I write this. He's using an entire pack of sticky notes to build some kind of paper empire. Bria is grinning as she's texting Patrick, our experiences having taught her that phones actually have a couple of uses.
Not the least of which is burglary, blackmail, and betrayal.
Just to name a few, of course.
Evan says that I should start the story at his birth, because that's where "all the things really started".
I gave him a dry laugh for about three seconds before taking my pack of sticky notes back.
He wasn't very happy about that.
Whatever. He'll get over it.
It actually started when that car crash did.
Kind of weird, right?
The chosen one, the one made to lead all fantastical people into goodness and rightousness ended up dying in such a normal way. Thousands of people have died like that. And before she was even old enough to have her learner's permit.
–
This is Evan.
And Bria!
Lillie's on the other side of the room, looking through pictures on her phone, trying to remember everything that happened. We're quickly taking over to add a warning, because Lillie won't add it herself.
She's spent the entire first page saying how terrible it is, but by the end, you'll know that it was the best thing that ever happened to her.
We need to add that it should've have been like that.
Don't seek out adventures like Lillie's.
She survived by sheer luck.
You would not have the same.
When you see something coming, hear someone talking the way Emmi did, you need to run.
Run before they can hide you like they did us.

⇾ 421 words ⚘

⇾ Daily #30 (Superpower) ⚘

(this is so weird :sob: )

I suppose it could be worse.
Actually, scratch that.
This is the worst gift that has ever been to mankind. Or rather, to me.
But what am I really? A thought? Something that has just been created so that people can look at me- look at that which I am made of- and gain entertainment from my suffering and confusion?
What am I burdened with, you ask?
I am burdened with whatever my creator says I am.
Yes, I know. I'm a character. I'm just a thing. I'm the words that come from a young writer's fingers and nothing more. Cursed to suffer endlessly for entertainment.
I am cursed to have knowledge. The knowledge of the truth of my existence.
I'm not blind or deaf or missing any limbs, at least, you may say.
Or maybe I am. I'm at the mercy of my creator's imagination.
What am I? A string of words, a thought, something to be pushed and prodded and made to do as I'm said to do.
I am only burdened with this gift because my creator says I am. I'm only suffering from it because she says so.
I only exist because she thinks I should.
Perhaps tomorrow I won't exist at all. The words could be gone. I am fragile, just something to be made to suffer through life and love and loss or whatever the creator says I am fit to take on. Perhaps I will enter a dystopia. Perhaps I'll be put in danger. Perhaps I'll be k!lled.
But I know one thing. I will have troubles in the course of my existence.
For if not, why should I exist?
I exist only to suffer for the sake of stories.
I exist only for the creator to do as she wishes.
But for now… I exist.
And that makes me lucky, at least. I am words on a screen.
That is enough for now.
I suffer for it, but I will experience suffering.
And for that I am truly fortunate.

⇾ 339 words ⚘

⇾ Critique for Lark ⚘

Hey Lark! So excited to critique your piece- one of the first critiques I ever did was for you last session (or maybe two sessions ago?) and I remember what a fantastic writer you are <33

{I cried when I got home from the library.

It should’ve been a pretty good day, and overall, I suppose it was. }

I love this opening. It instantly makes the reader wonder what could have gone so wrong. Excellent start ^^

{…spring breeze, listening to the sparrows’ bright songs as we talked.

Our conversations used to be simple and quiet, sharing only the simplest pieces of our stories. As the leaves turned golden and we had more time together, we started to open up a little.}

I love the detail of the seasons changing! <3

{When winter’s freezing winds drove us inside, we bonded together more fully.}

I think that the word ‘together’ feels a little unnecessary in this sentence, and it interrupts the flow just a little bit. That's such a small thing, I know, so you can feel free to ignore this if you think it works better.

{I almost feel honored to be trusted by someone so amazing}

Two things right here – The first is just a small grammar thing. Because the rest of the piece is in past tense, I think the correct version of it would be ‘felt’ rather than ‘feel’. Not totally sure, but I think that's right. The second thing is that I think removing the word ‘almost’ helps make it feel more sure, and shows the narrator's confidence in their friend and in their friendship.

{I cried when I got home from the library.}

This feels repetitive of the beginning of the piece. I think it may be good to see if you can reword it, but if you intended the repition to be there, then definitely keep it. I definitely appreciate how great a good powerful repition of a great line can be ;D

{After months of trying to piece her story together through little hints and clues, I know what’s going on. The day before was a bad one for her, and she trusts me enough now to explain what happened. }

Ahh, I love this revelation. I love that you don't outright say what her struggle is, because it just makes the whole piece more… I can't really put it into words! It's just a very touching moment when you realize why she's crying and it keeps the reader invested in the story and characters <3

{I was afraid to leave her when it was time to go home. I wish we could’ve become birds like the ones we love to watch together, and flown away somewhere safe where she wouldn’t ever be yelled at again. I wish I could give her something more than reassuring words and an extra hug.}

This whole paragraph is very touching <33 It has such strong feelings of hopelessness (in how she can't do anything) but it also has the themes of love and friendship in it- it's so sweet <33

{I cried when I got home from the library}

Ahhh, now I see the repition!! ;D

{but if it’s enough to provide a moment’s comfort, it’s worth saying a hundred times over}

I love this line. It's so strong and it puts something so human and beautiful into words. And I think it's also so great that it adds emphasis on the importance of words and writing in order to provide comfort and love which is so important <3

{crafted an envelope around it}

I'm a little confused about what you're trying to say here. Did she actually create the envelope or did she just grab one? I don't know- I feel like this part could just use some more imagery.

{I left the letter on my friend’s windowsill with a smooth rock to hold it in place, where neither of her parents would find it first.}

Love this <33

As a whole, it's such a lovely sweet piece. It's touching and emotional and full of a lot of depth and meaning. Most of my critiques are just small things, and the emotion is just so clearly and neatly conveyed <3 Great job, and good luck with the writing comp!! <3

⇾ 465 words ⚘

⇾ Critique for Chuey ⚘

Hey Chuey! Thanks for saving me from boredom- you're a hero <33

{Rain trickled down like the sky’s plumbing had gone awry, smearing the windshield of his car with fat drops of water that crawled slowly down the glass. }

I already love this. It's got such a clear tone to it and the imagery is spot-on.

{He wasn’t too worried–there was no ominous boom of thunder, no feral strike of lightning, but the rain was still slicking the roads with moisture, and people, at least in his experience, tended to forget how to drive when faced with unusual weather conditions.}

I… I just love this. It's funny and clever and the description is great. You have such a great way with tone and description- it's incredible.

{With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the parking lot, then turned the car off and stepped outside.}

I think you could word this a little differently so it could flow better, something like “With a sigh of relief and pulled into the parking lot, turned off the car, and stepped inside”. Just a suggestion of course! ^^

{The rain streamed down the back of his coat, rippling with icy fingers down his spine, but he ignored it as best he could and opened the door of the building where he worked, doing his best not to drip all over the carpet.}

Firstly, I must point out how amazing the description (in bold) is. Absolutely fantastic. However, I think that the sentence is a bit longer than it needs to be, and breaking it up into two (or more) sentences would help it flow better. ^^

{There was a dizzying moment of neither-here-nor-there, and then the building settled, exactly as it had been…except it was now upside down.}

Such a small detail, but I love the wording of this sentence!

{And beneath that, tinier still, a spark of something else.}

I think you could drop this down to its own separate line, since it's so significant. This is more of a stylistic choice, so obviously make your own call about what's best for your story.

{That was a monster.
And that was a superhero.
In movies and books, moments like this stretched on forever, leaving the character with plenty of time to wonder, marvel, think.}

The tone and the wording here is just *chef's kiss*.

{He didn’t know how to process everything that had just happened. So he didn’t.}

Again with the tone. This line is just funny and amazing and as a whole the entire thing just gives off comic-book vibes with a hint of its own thing. It's incredible, Chuey!

{In the end, the words finally swirled together into something mostly cohesive.}

I don't know why, but the wording of ‘cohesive’ feels a little off to me in a way I can't describe. Maybe change it to ‘comprehensive’ or ‘understandable’?

{He’d been ten, and his sister had been nine when their grades started differing. He got Bs and As for the most part, respectable grades, but she shot past him with her A++ on nearly every assignment and test.
He’d been an okay player on the soccer team, but his friend Zach was way better, a menace on the field. Now he was a soccer superstar, while Sidekick hadn’t touched a ball in years.
He’d been saving up to get his mom a nice birthday present, but his brother had saved for twice as long, and his gift easily surpassed Sidekick’s.
He’d hoped for the promotion, but a coworker got it. He’d hoped the girl he met in college would go out with him at least a few times, but her heart already belonged to someone else.
He’d hoped to get first place. But inevitably, someone else won it instead.}

This whole section adds so much depth and sweetness <3 Your piece dives into these tropes so well and observes them in such a great way ^^

{His hands clenched and his lips parted again to reply…}

*gaspeth* a cliffhanger :0
–
I adore your piece, Chuey!! The balance between your humourous writing and the character's emotions is incredible. I love that the main character doesn't really ever get a name besides ‘sidekick’. It adds so much to the piece. The way that it explores all of these different archetypes is amazing. Your piece is just incredible.

⇾ 341 words ⚘

⇾ Critique for Mari ⚘

Hey Mari! Sorry in advance that this is so short- I need to edit my comp entry and work on some irl things on top of this so I had to get this done pretty quickly ^^'

{because they hate my parents! }

I think ‘hate’ might have to be changed to ‘hated’ since their parents are gone. I'm pretty sure that's correct grammatically, but I'm not an expert or anything.

{And what does she want from my red hair?}

I really like the frustration in this sentence- it definitely shows the main character's anger in a great way.

{I walked upstairs frowning more, I saw Joan stomping downstairs still frowning more}

It might be better to change frowning to something else since you used it twice in the same sentence <3

{“Haha! You will pay for what your family had down to Mama!” }

I think you meant done ;D

{“I-I didn’t!” I said before turning my head around, “Please, please, please believe me!” }

The desperation and stuttering are great and add a lot of emotion <3

{“Oh hello! Hi new arrivals}

I might remove the ‘hi’, since they already said hello.

{I am Solara. And this is my sister Luna.” }

Love the character names!

{I felt myself suffocating, yet the air around me dropped temperature}

I love the description!! It really helps add to the tension.

{ “Also, Moonlight is receiving weird visions on full moon. Tomorrow is full moon when your powers are mostly active, so we will be training at night.}

I like the world building here ^^

{ And the Summer began to become colder. }

I think you could drop this to a separate line because it's such an important sentence <3

{Falerii’s chestnut brown hair transformed into long locks of beautiful red hair as she walked to me. “I am your second aunt… That is where your hair, and your personality came from.” }

Ooh super interesting! <3

{“I’m sorry for pushing you down the staircase.” I speak. I know I did not do that, but I will apologize anyway. }

I love how this develops the main character!! ^^
–

I really liked the way your wrote the world in this piece! It's a super interesting way to describe magic and it's just very interesting as a whole. My main advice would be to run it through a grammar/spelling check, just since I noticed some issues there. Other than that, I really liked it! ^^

⇾ 232 words ⚘

⇾ Thank You Notes ⚘

If I forgot you- I am infinitely sorry!! I'm trying to send these out between Easter prep stuff. Please know that I love you so so much!

Please ctrl-f your nickname if you need- you definitely don't have to go digging <33

Group Thank-You's

To the Thriller Leading Team-

CJ and Rockie, I could not be more grateful for you both. The amount of creativity, humor, and dedication in the both of you is immeasurable. I had about every possible tech issue happen this month, and you were both so patient with me as I handled that and as I learned more about the process of co-leading a cabin. I had so much fun planning this cabin and working with the both of you. I've got individual thank-you's below, but I felt like I should do a big combined one too <3

To the Host Team-

You all have an incredible ability to outdo yourself every single session. The amount of hard work that you put into everything is amazing and this camp would absolutely not be possible without all of you and the amazing people that you are. Thanks for an incredible session (and an incredible cabin wars) <3

To the entire Thriller Cabin-

Wow! What a session we've had! I can't believe it's coming to a close. If you didn't know, this session was my first time co-leading a cabin. I feel infinitely blessed that the first cabin I got to co-lead ended up being this one. How is it that so many amazing people could be in one cabin? The amount of humor and talent that each and every one of you possesses is… it's just amazing. If you ever want to come talk, just head on over. I will be so so happy to talk with you, and I can't wait to (hopefully) see many of you next session! <3

Thriller Thank-You's

CJ
–
CJ, I am just so so grateful for everything you've done over the past few months. When I got your invitation to be in Thriller, I was beyond excited. I'd seen you around SWC and I knew that you were a super talented and friendly person, but I didn't know you super well. Being a part of Thriller has helped be see that you are one of those amazing people that it's hard to find in this kind of world. You're so funny, so kind, so patient, and so so talented. Thank you for all your help this session (I definitely had a lot to learn!) and for the amazing person that you are. Thanks for a fantastic session, and I can't wait to see you around <33

Rockie
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Ahh Rockie!! I had the time of my life with you this session <3 You are such a talented and funny person to be around and you just made Thriller the best place to be. The amount of talent that you possess in graphic design and writing and pretty much everything else just blows me away. Your writing comp entry was so beautifully written and I feel so lucky that I got to read over it. I didn't know you very well ahead of this session, despite having a lot in common. I have had so much fun working with you this session. Thank you for the humor and kindness that you just bring to everything- you're such an amazing leader and I'm just so thankful for the person you are <33

Aurora
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Oh my gosh, I don't even know what to say. How do I even begin to explain the amount of fun I had with you this session? Working on the story collab and cabin wars with you was just an amazing experience. You're so funny, kind, and dedicated, and it just shows up in everything you do. Talking with you during the aftermath of cabin wars was one of my favorite things this session. I can't even follow everything we talked about- musicals? Spanish? School? Chaos? It was all there, and I just had so much fun getting to know you. Thank you for an incredible session- come talk with me whenever!! <3

Clev
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Ahhhhh clevvv!! <33 As with every session, you stun me with your humor and friendliness. You are a being of pure chaos and amazingness and I would not have it any other way. You're so so funny and incredible and ahhhh you're just the bestest <33 Thank you for another session of chaos and for the lovely creation of the frying pan cult (all hail the pan). Come talk to me anytime you want about /literally/ anything- I will be more than glad to chat or cause chaos or… anything!! Thanks again <3

Wild
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Can you believe it? This is the third session you and I have been in the same cabin. That feels insane. It's also such a blessing. You are such an amazing person, full of talent and kindness and just general amazing-ness. Cabin wars this session was a blast, and I'm just going to forever remember the two of us staying up so so late (again). Thanks so much for a session full of so many memories, and here's to many more! Maybe we'll get lucky and have another cabin together ;D <33

Gen
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Hey Gen!! I'm sorry I didn't have much of a chance to talk with you during the month, but I just have to tell you that looking at how much your wrote over the session is absolutely incredible. It shows so much hard work and dedication and it's just incredible <3 Feel free to come and talk whenever!! <3

Cecelia
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Hi Cecelia!! This is just a short thank you because throughout the entirety of this session, I was blown away by your amazing dedication to writing. All the work that you've done is incredible and you're just an absolute inspiration <3

Artemis
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Hey Artemis!! I absolutely loved having you in thriller this session <3 You're such a talented person and I loved reading your writing. I looked at your writing comp entry and it just blew my mind. It's amazing. Best of luck and thank you for such an amazing session!! <3

Ayla
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This is the second session we've been in the same cabin, and once again I am stunned by your talent and dedication. You're such a kind and friendly person and it made thriller a great place to be. Thank you so much for just being the best, and feel free to come chat whenever- I'll be so so happy to talk!! <3

Violet
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Violet!! I had so so much fun being in the same cabin this session. You were so funny and kind and brought so much life and energy to the cabin. You were so hard working and talented and ahh you're just the best <33

Cae
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Hey Cae!! I'm so sorry I didn't get the chance to talk to you that much this session- I always meant to come over and say hi but I never did (*regrets*), but I spent the whole session being so impressed with the hard work that you gave everything. It was just incredible!! Thanks for a fantastic session <33

Sisi
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Hey Sisi!! Just a quick note because you have such an amazing taste in books (definitely hasn't been stalking your profile ^^'). Additionally, your app this session was *amazing* . The answers and theme were just incredible, and having you in thriller was the best <33

Other Thank-You's

(in no particular order- I just scrolled to the bottom of my comment messages for the month and started from there)

Luna
–
When I first got talking to you in JWC, I realized that you were such a funny and talented person, and this session of SWC was only further confirmation of that <3 You're such an incredible writer and you just bring so much kindness and laughter to absolutely everything. Please come and talk anytime!! I'd love to chat <33

Pepper
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Ahh Pepper!! How do I even begin to describe the amazing person you are? Do I start with how you're seriously so kind and funny and amazing? Do I start with your *stunning* leader app this session? Do I talk about the fact that literally everything you write is *unbelievable*? Do I go on and on about how you are just so nice and hard working and I love getting the chance to talk to you? I don't even know. You're just amazing <33

Mouse
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*slams head onto keyboard* how do I even manage to make a thank you note for you that's under a million words. How. You are so kind and funny and chaotic and talented and ahhh I don't even know where to begin!! I loved listening to M&M this session (and your incredible singing voice hehe) and just being able to talk to you. You're one of those rare people where I could literally say anything (serious or totally-not-serious) and we immediately launch into such a fun conversation. I've had so much fun with you this session- you're an incredible person to be around <3

Chuey
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You are such a great human beinggg <33 You are such an incredible writer (it's been hours and I'm still reeling over your weekly!! ^^) and just a great person. You're just funny and chaotic and I can't even imagine swc without you. I can't begin to thank you enough for how much fun I've had talking with you this session <33

Wordy
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Wordy!! I know we don't get to talk to often, but whenever we do, it's always so fun, whether it be on nano or in SWC or JWC or wherever. You're so funny- literally anytime I talk to you there's always at least one moment where I have to suppress laughing IRL. Thank you for an incredible session and for being an incredible person <3

Bella
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BELLA <33 You are literally such an incredible human beingggg <33 You're so kind to everyone, you've got the *best* sense of humor, you're such a talented writer, and… I could go on for hours. You're amazing. I love talking with you so so much and I can't begin to list the number of things that you've done for me. I mean, you introduced me to six of crows. What better gift could you give a person? But in all seriousness, you're just a fantastic person. I'm shaking my head in wonder right now, wondering how such a person could exist. I don't even know. Come talk to me whenever (or I'll come talk to you XD) <33

Summer
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I remain in complete awe that this is your third session. It feels like you've been here forever, just because you're just one of the most incredible people this camp has to offer. You're so funny- you can get me dying laughing IRL literally all the time. You're so so so talented (still blown away by the amazingness of your comp entry <3). And finally, you're just kind. It's amazing. You have such a rare ability to bring a smile to anyone's face. Thanks for an amazing session, and here's to many more <33

Chloe
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Ahh Chloe!! You are so so talented and chaotic and ahhh I can't begin to thank you enough for all the times you've made me laugh <3 I loved talking with you in the main cabin or even just seeing your comments in the main cabin because you just always brought such a great dose of fun with everything (not to mention your incredible detective skills!!). Thanks so much for such a fun session! ^^

Sienna
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Siennaaaa- how are you just the best? You're just so hilarious and talented and amazing and ahhh you just make me laugh all the time. Your app this session was incredible and the fairy tales cabin is amazing <3 Thank you so much for talking with me throughout this session- you're just amazing <3

Nova
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NOVA!! <3 I can't even begin to describe how much fun I've had with you this session. It's immeasurable. You're so funny- the number I've times that I have died laughing while talking with you is… let's just say it's at least a hundred ^^ I loved doing the mystery weekly with you, talking about about literally anything and everything (like cabin wars and nicknames and mashed potatoes and cabin-food and AI and who even knows what else), and just having so much fun with you this session. I can't begin to thank you enough, but I guess a short thank you note is a start <3

Vi
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Wow… it's been a year! That just blows my mind :0 Over the past year, I have had so so much fun talking about P&P and books and writing and anything else with you. Every time we talk, I'm always stunned by your kindness and humor and talent and ahh you're just amazing <33 Every time I read your writing it just blows me away. Thanks for another great session (and crossing my fingers we get to finally be in the same cabin next session!)

Alaska
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Hey Alaska! I just have to quickly thank you for all the help that you gave me with your critique earlier on in the session. Besides that, I also just have to say that I loved seeing you around the main cabin because you just have such a fun, bright presence. Thank you for such a wonderful session! <3

Alana
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Hey Alana! I just have to quickly thank you for the amazing person you are <3 I first seriously joined swc a year ago, and being able to start that in non-fi was so great. You're such an inspiration to me as a writer and as a leader- I learned a lot about being a good leader from the example you set for me all the way back in March of 2023 <33

Ris
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Another session, come and gone! <3 I am still stunned every day with how funny you are- you have just a great ability to make people laugh and it's just one of those talents that everyone should be thanking you for daily. Also, I have to thank you for the amazing example that you've set for me as a leader- both as a leader in July 2023 and as a JWC host. I've learned a lot from you about leading a cabin and it definitely helped with thriller this session (also, I doubt I would have even gotten an offer in the first place without your app guide <3). I'm still in wonder every day with how you manage to be such an amazing person <33

May
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Ahh, may!! I've first got to thank you for the incredible critique that you gave me towards the beginning of the session because that absolutely changed my piece and made it so much better, but more importantly, I've got to thank you for being such an amazing person. You're just always kind to everyone and you're also such an incredible writer <33

Kenzie
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KENZIEEE <33 I love being in swc with you so so much <33 You are such a funny and kind person. I love talking about writing and kotlc and any other kind of nonsense. You're sooo funny and amazing and ahh I don't even know what to say besides that I'm so lucky to be in this camp with you <3

Icy
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Don't know if you'll ever read this, but know that you're amazing and we'll miss you…

Mint
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Minttt!! Thank you for an amazing sessionnnn <33 Having you join in november was so so fun and having you come twice in a row for March was even better. Thank you for being so funny and chaotic and amazing and ahh just thank you so much <3 ^^

Balrog
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Love ya bud <3

Snowy
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I can't thank you enough for all the fun I've had with you this session!! Your critique for my entry was so so helpful, and I loved reading your piece as well. Even outside of that, you're just an incredibly kind and funny and talented person. Having you in swc is just such a blessing <33

Additional Thanks
–
Thanks to May, Snowy, Sandy, Summer, Coco, Chuey, Alaska, Vi, and Nova for their critique throughout the session <3

Thanks to all swc contributors, past and present <3

So many thanks to everyone in swc! I first joined swc seriously about a year ago, during a really difficult time in my life. I don't really want to get into it, but what I'm trying to say is that this group of people supported me a lot during that time. In the year that's passed since then, I've learned a lot, made so many amazing friends, and just been a lot happier in general. I don't care if you never talked to me or if you talked with me every day. It doesn't matter. What matters is the strength and support of this community. It's incredible and unmatchable.

(had to add the below part in because I've been thinking it this whole session)

♪ long, long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting balrog with you ♪

2867 words and ∞ love ⚘

⇾ Critique for River ⚘

Hey River!! <3

{they're gathered in the hallway between classes, as they have a free period. }

I think this reads a little stiffly. Maybe change it into two short sentences? Just my opinion of course <3

{“no, you cannot,” renata snaps, sweeping in. vera narrows her eyes. she knew renata was a bit arrogant, but a dramatic entrance is over-the-top.}

I can't even explain why, but I just love this. I was grinning as I read it.

stories higher then the empire state
where knowledge hap'ly populates..
come, come, one and all
to the second-best of venice's many halls.

I love the clue!! The rhyming is spot on, it's intriguing, and it sets the rest of the story perfectly in motion.

{there are nods all around. “sure,” renata says. “not like i have anything better to do.”}

I'm not normally one to like the popular-arrogant character at all, but Renata is just a lot of fun to read about. Clearly the others get along reasonably well but she's just so out of place and sarcastic that it adds an amazing level of comedy to the piece <3

{people are trickling out—not yet a stream, or even a river, just a little drizzle of fleeing people.}

I adore the description and imagery (especially water imagery and metaphors, which is a personal favorite of mine) here. It adds a lot of tension and it's also just amazing on it's own!

{"paris!“ viola shrieks. ”are you insane? the only way to get there is through—“}

I love the use of the word shrieks ^^

{which are coated lightly with water }

I think the description here feels a little off to me. I can't really picture water ‘lightly’ covering someone's shoes. You could rephrase this so that it's more like “the water slowly rising around their shoes” or “the line of water coming up to their shoes”

{”i'm done.“ viola's eyes are wild as she stares at the waterlogged floor. around them, librarians rush books to higher shelves, usher children to their parents. ”did you hear me? i'm done!“ she shakes her head and sprints out, water splashing all of them.}

I adore the tension here. It's stressful and it keeps the reader with their eyes glued to the screen. I love the description of the reactions that the people are having to the dangers of their city.

{all too conscious of the rising waters.}

Absolutely amazing. *chefs kiss*

{“is this safe?” florence asks. renata shakes her head, laughing. “legal?”
“no!” vera says cheerfully.
florence rolls her eyes. “let's just get this over with.”}

I love this dialogue here. It's natural and funny while still adding tension.

–
On the whole, it's such a great piece!! I think that the story is super engaging, the setting is absolutely spot on (I love the idea of a magical venice- I think that it really does seem like the kind of city that magic really would be), and the dialogue between characters flows so well and really adds to the story. Great job!! <3

⇾ 315 words ⚘

⇾ April Writing Thread (M/M) ⚘

April 4th

no proof (personal!) <3

⇾ App Answers (Rough Draft) ⚘

***VERY ROUGH DRAFT <3 ***

(I'm omitting an intro that I may reference once or twice there, so if there's something where it says something like ‘I mentioned this before’ and you don't recognize it, that's probably from the intro <3)

About Me

Hey! My name is Poppy (she/her), an INFJ-T with a love of all things storytelling. I won't be sharing my timezone, but I’m normally active between 3pm and 4am UTC, though my night-owl tendencies usually leave me awake long past a normal time.

I’ve always liked storytelling, but I started taking up the actual art of writing stories around 2019 or 2020, when I realized that getting the words down helped drive away the stresses of the world for a little while. I like writing in all kinds of genres, but I especially love fantasy, sci-fi, realistic fiction, and poetry- but as I’ve said, I’m a huge fan of combining and experimenting with genres. I've recently been working on plotting a dark fantasy with a bit of a folktale-esque twist- and I'm having the time of my life.

More than anything, my love of writing stems from my love of reading. Reading has changed my life in ways I can't even begin to explain. Similar to my writing, I can't really stick with one particular genre- though epic fantasies are a current favorite. My favorite books to spend my time in at the moment are Jane Austen's novels, Mistborn, The Princess Bride, and the Six of Crows duology. I've pretty much spent a college education's worth on books… and I don't intend to stop that any time soon!

I’ve had a passion for music my entire life- you’d be hard-pressed to find a moment where I’m not playing music, singing, or mentally running through a favorite song. I started playing violin and piano when I was around seven years old, and they’ve both stuck with me so much. Since then, I’ve joined multiple choirs, learned ukulele, and started learning guitar. I'm a huge fan of Hozier, Sara Bareilles, Jack Johnson, The Beatles, Antonín Dvořák, and pretty much every original Broadway cast recording ever. Music is poetry, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

And lastly, SWC is a part of me! Throughout the last year and a half, I’ve seen my writing grow so much, and I credit a lot of it to the dedication of the hosts, leaders, and community here <3

–

Experience

This July session will mark my sixth SWC session- which feels surreal! The creative energy and the amazing community just draw me back every time <3

I’ve been a camper 4 times (March ‘22, March through November ‘23) and a co-leader once (Thriller, March ‘24). I was also a member of the DT last session and helped to add points. I'm also dedicated to the camp as a whole. I make an effort to try and be helpful by answering questions and being kind and welcoming to new campers, regardless of the position I'm in.

I also help to manage Scratch’s World of Writers, another large writing community on Scratch. Though activity is currently on semi-pause there by a universal manager decision, I usually help to write inspiring prompts and plan studio-wide events to help other writers get inspired.

Outside of Scratch, I am a four-time participant in NaNoWriMo, having won the challenge twice. Additionally, I participate in debate club as well as multiple music groups (such as orchestra, choir, church vocal group, and a violin studio), all of which have taught me about the importance of teamwork, empathy, and working towards a common goal. I’m also an older sister and a babysitter, which has given me a lot of experience in handling stressful situations. All of these experiences have taught me a lot about hard work and time management and have already served me well on my SWC journey.
–

Cabins

I would love to lead any cabin! While I love a variety of genres and would be comfortable with any of them, the genres that I have the most experience with are fantasy, dystopian, poetry, and adventure. My preferences aren't ordered.

One of my cabin ideas is a ‘lab’, where there’s been a fictional disease outbreak and campers must work to determine the cause of the outbreak in order to find a cure. Campers would work on mini-writing projects and potentially one large collaborative project, and information would be slowly revealed until they have enough to understand and stop the disease from spreading. However, as camp goes forward, the stakes would be raised higher and higher…

This idea could be adapted to work with various cabins such as Sci-Fi, Non-Fi, Dystopian, or Thriller.

Additionally, I’d love to do a Poetry cabin with an ominous mood, based on the poems of Edgar Allan Poe. It would be set in a dark mansion by a lake, and the foreboding presence of a certain bird causes some trouble…

I'd like to do a similar thing with my previous idea- using small writing projects to help drive the story forward. I intend for this to work in tandem with my idea for a cabin atmosphere that celebrates small achievements, such as celebrating completing one of the writing projects or celebrating reaching a certain point in the storyline.

Though I love TCTWNW with all my heart, my competitiveness holds me back from putting it in my preferences <3
–
Excerpt


“And that day that we'll watch the death of the sun
That the cloud and the cold and those jeans you have on
And you'll gaze unafraid as they sob from the city ruins”


I rip off the cuff of my jeans to staunch the bleeding in my left leg.
He’s beside me, leaning against the dumpster in the alley we’re hiding in.
The two of us are just outside of town, watching the blue-tinged smoke rise from the center of the city. It smells like moss, and the earthy scent makes my head throb. I slide down against the dumpster. The rain from last night has made the metal cold and wet, and it seeps through my shirt, chilling me further.
The alley is covered in soggy litter and abandoned trinkets, but it's tucked away from the worst of the world. Out in the distance, something pulls my attention away from the cold and wet.
A sound like weeping, somewhere in the distance. I listen harder, my brows drawing together in concentration.
The city is mostly abandoned, but I can hear the wails of a few police sirens echoing off the few remaining unshattered windows.
He and I have talked about those sirens.
We both wonder what they’re for.
I pull my eyes away from the smoke to look at the boy beside me.
He leans his head against the dumpster, and for a moment, a shudder runs through me.
I name the shudder Fear.
I shake his shoulder in time with the rhythm of my shivering.
“Stop,” I whisper. “You have to open your eyes.”
“Why?” he says. He opens his eyes, and the gray-blue of his irises almost blends into the haze around us.
“I… I don’t know,” I say.
“That’s alright,” he says, and his fingers wrap around mine.
He and I were strangers- the only survivors from the dangers that took our sector of the city.
Somewhere in my head, I had thought that any surviving stranger would do, but now I knew how wrong I'd been.
There is a reason he and I survive, beyond luck.
We huddle together, staring across at the smoke drifting in feathery waves from the buildings. Occasionally, we see a bird fly through the hazy air, only to disappear behind a skyscraper.
I pull my legs up to my chest and lean my forehead against my ratty jeans.
For a moment, I soak up the sensation of being.
The moment ends all too soon.
“Hey,” he says. “You gotta keep your eyes open.”
I look up.
He looks down at the ruined soles of his shoes and laughs to himself quietly.
“I don’t know why.”
I curl into myself a little tighter and play with the loose threads of my sleeve.
“It’s alright,” I say, and I look out at the tresses of smoke that curl around the branches of a blackened willow tree.

“I think we’ll understand in time.”

–

Time Commitment

I expect that I’ll be able to dedicate about an hour and a half each day to SWC, and my hours will be pretty flexible since those months will be during my summer vacation.

For the last five days of May, I’ll be at a summer camp and I would only be able to dedicate around half an hour to an hour to SWC each day. I may also have vacation plans in June for around a week, but those haven’t been set in stone quite yet, though I’ll be sure to update the hosts or my leader if needed. Additionally, I’ll be at an in-person writing camp for a few days in July (8th-13th), but I should be able to dedicate an hour a day to SWC. These generally won't cause really bad bouts of inactivity- I'll still have time almost every day to fulfill usual (co)leading duties, while still having time for sleep and self-care.

–

Time Management

When it comes to time management, I’m very good at organizing my tasks so that I’m not working up until the very end of the deadline. As much as I joke about procrastinating, it’s become a much smaller issue for me than it used to be. By using a variety of productivity tools and through the power of rewarding myself, procrastination has become an occasional annoyance rather than a huge issue it was for me many years ago. I avoid leaving things to the last minute so that it’s not rushed. I'm a big believer in the power of to-do lists and sticking to schedules. Being organized is the not-so-secret method to my madness.

I'm also very dedicated. When I find something that I genuinely care about, I want to give it the focus that it deserves. I've developed a love for writing and for this camp, so I've got the drive to give it time and attention. One of the things that I quickly learned from co-leading last session is that organization and being on time is a vital component of SWC running smoothly. I'm motivated to finish tasks on time so that I give my best to everyone- hosts, leaders, and campers alike.

However, this dedication has its downsides. Because I strive to give my best to the things I care about, I can get caught up in details. I tend to be a very nitpicky person, and my perfectionism often gets in the way of getting things done. I can tell myself that I’m done with something, but then I spend even more time making tiny, almost unrecognizable changes. This constant focus on trying to make everything flawless can throw me off-track and leads me to spend a lot of time on things that require that much attention. It ends up wasting a lot of time and generally inconveniences everyone. However, I have worked to get better at this by setting strict deadlines for myself, and my organization and ability to avoid procrastination means that I have more time to fuss about details before I finish.

–

Collaboration


I think that my worst weakness in working with others is that I don’t like being demanding and forceful. I think I tend to want to not put work on other people’s shoulders. While that kind of mindset has its place, it can be tricky in leadership positions because I don’t like to push people, even when it’s for the sake of a deadline or other important things. I've worked a lot to become better at this, especially through my experiences in debate club and through the amount of critique that I've offered for writing, both for people in SWC as well as many of my friends irl. I've found that building respect and trust for one another on a leadership team is a big help in these situations. When a group of leaders has respect for each other, it's easier for them to be honest with one another without another member of the team getting insulted. I've learned that being honest is often the kinder, better choice.

My other flaw is that I have a tendancy to say things like “whatever you think is best” or “either way works for me” when people ask my opinion. Sometimes I do have opinions on certain things, and I'm not afraid to share those, but when it comes to smaller details, I'm indecisive. Some people enjoy having the freedom to choose on their own without input, but others find it stifling. I've worked on this in really small, simple ways. The most helpful way that I've found is just communicating with others and asking

As for my strengths, I’m good at general collaboration- that is to say, teamwork. Though I’m about as introverted as they come, I love working alongside people to create good things. I love gathering ideas from a lot of different people and then working (whether that be as a contributor or the one organizing it all) to make a product of everyone’s ideas and input. It’s one of the features that I love most about this camp- there are a lot of opportunities to work together and share ideas.

Additionally, I’m very organized and I try to break large tasks into smaller ones to avoid stressing myself and others out- it’s a time-tested method that helps with getting the big things done. I've always got a plan B and a plan C, which is especially helpful when something goes wrong. I'm good at thinking on my feet and working patiently and calmly to sort out issues. I’m also very focused and deadline-conscious, which is a good help to the group as a whole.

Alongside my organization and teamwork skills, I hope to be a force of encouragement, both in my leadership group and my cabin. I make it a goal of mine to be the kindest, best person I can be, especially online where there's often a lot of hatred. I want to help lift others up in this camp, whether that be through giving encouragement to campers in my cabin or through trying to be helpful and patient with those in my leadership team. I live by a song I learned in church a long time ago- “kindness begins with me”.

–
Trait

One trait that I admire in leaders is dedication. It takes a lot of effort to lead a group and to organize the thoughts of a team into one complete product.
Hard work is something that I have a very strong belief in, and I hope to embody this by putting my best effort into this cabin, while also taking care of myself (and, of course, reminding others in the cabin to do so as well - self-care always comes first!). In my family, we have a sweet and simple motto- “say yes!”. To be more specific, “say yes” means accepting challenges in the name of positive things. This is a key part of dedication. Being truly dedicated to something means committing to something, difficulties and all. It means promising to persist. Dedicating yourself to helping others and giving them the best you have isn't just a good attribute to have in leadership positions, it's also a good attribute for everyday life.

I think that when you care about something and put in the work to show that you care about it, it reflects back and blesses everyone.

–

Atmosphere

I want to create an atmosphere that focuses on celebrating small achievements and becoming a stronger writer, with a sense of competition and fun as well.
(154 characters)

–

Checks / Commitments

(v) I am applying for leader/co
(x) I am applying for only co
(v) I am willing to share an SWC promo

I am willing to and capable of completing all required tasks listed in the FAQ.

Should a fellow co/leader go inactive, I would check with them and discuss what caused their inactivity and what can be done as a leadership team to make up for it and prevent it from reoccurring. If they don't respond for a while, I will contact one of the hosts and inform them of the situation. Should they not return at all, I would work to reorganize the tasks needed for each person and, if necessary, find a replacement to keep the leadership team moving forward. I'd also be willing to put in extra work in another person's time of inactivity so that work continues as normal and necessary tasks don't pile up.

Should I have to suddenly go inactive, I would make an effort to at least be on for another day or so to help make that transition smooth. I would inform the hosts and everyone on my leadership team about the cause of my inactivity and offer a sincere apology. I'd work to try and complete any strictly necessary obligations before leaving and ensure that the rest of the team is well-equipped to handle any issues that may arise while they're finding their footing after losing a team member.

—

⇾ amazing app critique from Sienna, Summer, and Em! <3 ⚘

⇾ App Stuff for Sienna <3 ⚘

Hey Sienna! So excited to read through your app <3

{I’m an LDS writer }

Not critique, but I'm very ignorant and literally just realized you're LDS even though it's on your profile XD (I'm LDS too ^^)

{My reading taste is very similar to my favorite genres in writing, although I do write for my school newspaper as well, which is the best thing I’ve done in high school. // I’m planning to go into publishing after graduation. I have a passion for editing and graphic design, so it’s kind of perfect for me. }

I love that you included these in your about me because it helps to reinforce (preinforce?) everything in the experience section, and it also just shows how well your skills fit the ones that are everywhere in swc- great job right off the bat!

{Getting involved in SWC has been such a great experience, and I’d love to continue with it.}

This is just a me thing, but the placement and wording of this feels a little off. I can't really tell if you want to say that being a part of SWC has been a great experience, or being more involved has been a great experience (like leading and such). Obviously both are true, but just for clarification's sake ;>

{Outside of SWC, I’m co-hosting Camp Galatians (hosted by Kenzie and Piper) and CKS (hosted by Pepper). I haven’t actively participated in any other writing camps, but I’ve done my fair share of stalking in them.}

Great job with bringing up other camps! Definitely helping with showing all that fancy experience stuff ;> My only advice (nitpicky as it may be hsdjfhsj) would be that the word ‘in’ (second to last word) is unnecessary. (it's so tiny whyyy am I bringing it up XD)

{In real life, I’m applying to be an editor for my school newspaper. I also help plan and execute activities for my youth group and teach lessons in Sunday School. I’m a member of a few different honors societies at my school, and those have taught me quite a bit of responsibility. I love to take on leadership roles and help out wherever I can!}

This is fantastic. These are such important things and it really shows your passion for leadership <3

{Fairy tales was a blast last session, and I’d like to be in a cabin with a similar atmosphere.}

Ooh, this is a really great way to clarify what atmosphere you're looking for- you hit the nail right on the head (and ahh fairy tales was so great last session- you guys had such a cool cabin <33)

{…and others would make the experiences there much better. }

I get what you're saying here, but the wording confused me for a second there. I might add ‘other people’ or ‘the experiences in those cabins’? That's a personal prefence of course, and really just edit in whatever way fits your intended tone best <3

{…are memoir (please this one is epic :0), comedy, and comic (kinda like graphic novels, but featuring powerful characters in dramatic scenarios hehe).}

Oh my goodness a memoir cabin?? A comedy cabin? Comic cabin?? I need this in my life :0

{excerpt}

This is actually so amazing :00 I love the POV (1st person, and then referencing ‘you’- it's so intimate and sweet and ahh it's absolutely perfect for this piece). The imagery is absolutely spot on (all the colors you mention paint such a clear picture). It's absolutely amazing <3

{The only thing that will really impact my activity is a vacation planned for mid to late July,}

(this is advice I got from Mouse last session, so all credit to them <3) If you're able to clarify what dates those are, that might help just for planning's sake, but if you aren't sure yet then just leave it at that (I'm the same though :sob: I don't know when anything is happening)

{I’ll probably be on mobile quite a bit more :skull: which I can adapt to.}

(First of all- RELATABLE). Secondly, it's great that you added the ‘I can adapt’ - it not only helps this answer, but it's also a really small detail that says a lot of about you as a person and your flexibility.

{entire time management section}

Sienna, this is great! It's just very clear and concise and pretty much perfect <3

{collaboration}

No critique! I think it's great how you mentioned that you're aware of your weaknesses and work to overcome them <3

{I believe that the most important thing a leader can have is passion for their team and for their project. I personally am very passionate about SWC, writing, and creative endeavors in general, so I feel that I can exemplify this quality to a high standard. I care about others very much and genuinely want to get to know them, which is essential for any type of collaboration or leadership. My hope is to always show the love I have for my current pursuit and the people surrounding me, and I will aim for this regardless of being a (co)leader or not.}

My only thing here is that it's a little wordy (the second sentence more than the others), so maybe go through and delete anything you think isn't necessary. It's a really well-written part and that last sentence ties it up so nicely *chef's kiss*

{atmosphere}

Great! No notes <3

{checks}

Nothing needed here either! Your plan for inactivity is really well thought-out ^^

–

As a whole, it's a **fantastic** app, Sienna!! You've clearly got a whole bunch of organization and leader skills, and I think it shows off your personality and dedication really well <33 I can't wait to see the finished product hehe ^^

⇾ App Stuff for Snowy ⚘

Hey Snowy!! So excited to look over your app <3 Reminder that all of this is just suggestions and you can disregard any that you feel aren't helpful - I'm still a newbie applicant <3

{I’m an INFJ-T, atelophobe, soccer player, baker, book and board game nerd, but most of all, an aspiring author living in Singapore (UTC+8 time zone)}

This sentence feels very run-on. I get that there's a lot of information to pack into the about me (trying to get your personality across in just a few sentences is tough!), but it may be nice to split this into two setences, or even move the part about Singapore to the previous sentence (something like, “I'm Snowy, an aspiring author from Singapore (UTC+8) and I use she/her pronouns” or something like that). Of course, it's entirely up to you- there's a lot to put in <3

{and the singer, BLÜ EYES, if you couldn’t already tell by the theme of this application.}

*is already looking forward to the fully themed app* ^^

{Beyond that, I also love to read realistic fiction and mystery, but I’m more of a lover of a strange hybrid genre that I can only describe as “tragic magical surrealism” for writing.}

This is fantastic- it shows who you are as a writer and what your personality is (and ‘tragic magical surrealism’ may be the best combination of 3 words ever).

{Beyond just my experience with SWC, I have some other leadership experience, both on and off Scratch!}

Super super nitpicky here, but the word ‘just’ feels a little unnecessary in the sentence and breaks up the flow just a bit.

{I’m a manager of Girls Who Don’t Fit In, a Scratch studio with thousands of members, which requires me to work with other managers to find solutions to any problems that might arise and ensure that all the rules are being followed. }

It's really great that you included this- GWDFI is such a huge, active, and well-known Scratch community, and showing that you're an active manager there is sure to gain a lot of notice and respect.

{My top preferences would probably be Realistic Fiction, Poetry, Magical Realism, and Surrealism!}

Whoa, these are all such cool genres!! Having a magical realism or surrealism cabin would be so epic :0

{cabin ideas}

These ideas are all super cool! I especially love the scrapbooking theme <3

{excerpt}

I know I've already read this piece like 10 times, but every time it just blows me away <3 You are such a talented writer and the emotion and imagery in this piece never fails to stun me <3

{However, since I’ll be traveling to see family in the U.S., this isn’t guaranteed, due to things like weekend trips and visiting cousins, etc., as our plans are still quite up in the air at the moment.}

This is kind of hard, because it's a very long sentence, but there's not an easy fix since it's still one complete idea. Maybe putting “due to theings like… etc.” in parentheses?

{When this happens, I typically have to step back from the task to see what needs to be done first and prioritize, and sometimes I might need the help of others to understand how I can complete work steadily without getting overwhelmed.}

This is great! I love that you show the way that you cope with your shortcomings - it shows a lot of maturity and understanding.

{final paragraph of time management}

I love that you talked about how SWC has affected your time skills. It also speaks to your experience, that you know what is generally expected of a co-leader because you've already been in that position before.

{A second strength would be that I can also pull my own weight and keep myself and others organized when necessary as well.}

Good that you added this! It's a good skill to have <3

{o me, respect is the foundation for trust, collaboration, and friendships, and if a leader doesn’t respect their campers (or vice versa!), it’s incredibly difficult for us to build bonds and have a well-run cabin}

Another incredibly nitpicky thing ^^' The words ‘for us’ just breaks up the flow a little bit.

{quality}

This whole section is incredibly well-written and it speaks a lot to what you look for in a leadership team and just the person you are as a whole.

–
It's such an incredible app, Snowy!! You've showed off your personality really well and I think it very clearly lays out what your goals and visions for this next session is. The general vibe of it is just pure dedication, organization, and friendliness- it's really great! My suggestions are super minor- just little clean-up suggestions to take and leave as you see fit <3

⇾ App Stuff for Em ⚘

Hey Em!! So excited to look over your app <3

Just going to jump right into line-by-line critique, and I'll have some general critique at the end ⇾

{To everyone who does not know me or hasn’t heard of me, hello!}

I feel like you probably don't need to add the words before ‘hello’, just because it makes it very wordy. Just a personal pref of course- take it as you will <3

{I’m Em, a person currently conflicted with herself because I have too many things I enjoy, and not enough time.}

Love that <33

{My pronouns are she/her and I’m currently hiding out in an undisclosed location from Gurtle’s arson. The only hint I can give is that it’s in an Esteemed Super Timeless place. : wink wink: A lot has changed between these four months, so if you already know me, you might still learn something new about me here!}

You're doing such a great job of showing your sense of humor <3

{the Black Dog is my favorite song}

Capitalization! XD

{My favorite line is probably “My beloved ghost and me / Sitting in a tree / D-Y-I-N-G}

Ok but actually that line gives me chills every time :sob:

{Occasionally you may find me trying, keyword: trying, to crochet or knit.}

I might put “keyword: trying” in parentheses to help it flow better

(also relatable :sob

{so wow lots of character development. }

Love this! XD

{My leadership positions include those on Scratch, which I have talked about.}

This bit feels a little unnecessary, just because you've already mentioned those leadership positions previously in the app and in my opinin they don't need to be reiterated ^^

{cabin ideas}

These are so so cool :0 I especially love the poetry and fantasy idea (a triwizard tournament cabin would be so cool :0 )

{time dedication}

No notes! All good <3

{time management}

Same thing! No notes <3

{If I had to choose one quality that I want the most in my leader, I’d definitely choose responsibility again}

I don't feel like you need to add ‘again’. While I know you used it in a previous app, I still think the idea is just fine without it <3

{A leader has to know what they’re in for if they’re applying for any Scratch camp. They need to acknowledge that there will be a lot of work for them to do and that if they’re not ready to take on this responsibility, or if they might not have enough time, it’s crucial that they don’t apply. Of course, sometimes things pop out of nowhere, and it’s no one’s fault if a leader can’t be one anymore. However, it is their responsibility to inform their co-leaders and the host team and take full accountability for their leaving. They have to make sure that their cabin will be able to survive without them. There are many other situations in which leaders have to take responsibility, but this is only one example, and there is so much more to being responsible.}

This is super well said. I think that through this you show a lot of your personality and attitude towards SWC <3

–

I think that my general advice would be the following-

⇾ It's probably good to cut down on some of the words. I get that the word count isn't really strictly enforced (and it's hard to stay under the word cap- believe me, I know o.o), but I think there are just times when there's a lot going on, and some stuff could be cut out for clarity's sake. I don't have a great example in this- I would just say to use your gut and know where things could be cut back
⇾ Run it through a spell check quickly- there's a couple spots where punctuation / capitalization were wrong and disrupted the flow- just a small fix!
⇾ As a whole, it was really good! I think you do a great job of being honest about your shortcomings and strengths, and you do a really really good job of showing your personality throughout the app <33

⇾ App Stuff for Summer <3 ⚘

Hey Summer! Just going to jump right in to just a few line by line stuff and I'll get to generals later <3

{If I had a nickel for every time I introduced a leader app, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.}

This is the perfect way to start- you left me (and I'm sure the hosts too) laughing on the floor. You literally could not have opened this app better.

{I’m a devoted reader, and I’ve added several titles to my repertoire this year, including Wonder, The Hound of the Baskervilles, The Rithmatist, and Ella Enchanted. Some of my old favorites are the Ramona Quimby series, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and The Penderwicks. }

(super tiny side note, but you've got like the best taste ever :0 I think my personality is like 88% Ella Enchanted XD)

{Recently I started to pick up finger knitting, which has been entertaining.}

This is pretty nitpicky, but this line stands out a little. The rest of the about me is a very casual and enthusiastic tone, but this sounds really formal. If there's a way to rephrase it, I think it may help it flow better ^^

{this is shameless advertising, folks!)}

I love how well you're showing your personality throughout this whole app ^^ (if I had any art skills whatsoever I would :') )

{excerpt}

Still blown away by this piece every time <3

And…. that's it for line-by-line! Great job, Summer <33 Now for just some general stuff

Theme:

Perfect… that's all I can say. It's the best possible theme for a summer session, and I think it's a show that is really nostolgic for the majority of swc users (since most of us grew up during the time when episodes were still being released). P+F was a staple of my childhood <3 Also, the parody made me laugh super hard <3

About Me: This is really great. I think your wording captures your personality really well and it just overall captures who you are <3

Experience: You do a really great job mentioning all your swc and scratch experience, but maybe add more irl experience? I know it can be hard to find it (I know at least for me I had to grasp at straws a bit), but I think that it can really help. You mentioned that you just started school (yay for you, by the way!), and I'd probably wonder what leadership positions you took there (that can be in a group project, or in a music thing, or really anything else)

Cabins: Sounds great!! A Celtic myth cabin would be so cool :0

Dedication: Great! No notes ^^

Time Management: I think this is great! My only suggestion would be to bring up how this may work in the context of swc, but I feel like it's already such a great answer that it really just depends on if you feel like you want to add something like that <3

Collaboration: Great!! Again, nothing to note <3

Leader Quality: Aww this is such a sweet answer <3 Absolutely perfect. If it were up to me, I'd assign you as a leader for this answer alone <3

Atmosphere: I love the idea of a relaxed cabin that's not TCTWNW - I think that's a great help for a lot of campers, and I think you'd be a perfect leader to lead it

Checks: All good!!

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Overall, I think you've outdone yourself. I swear, every time you apply, the apps just get better and better <3 You've done such a great job of showing your sense of humor and what your goals are for the session. Essentially, it's a gold-star app- best of luck, and can't wait for another great session <3

⇾ App Stuff for Rockie <3 ⚘

Hey Rockie!! I'm going to do just a few line-by-line things and then I'll go into the details <3

{Music brightens the dullness of homework or a long car ride (actually, I’m currently writing these words on a bus for a school trip, with an AirPod in my ear playing I Can Do It With a Broken Heart), and listening to it never fails to inspire me and make me happy.}

This sentence runs a little long, especially with the parentheses (though I love the ICDIWABH ref ;D). If there's a way to break it up a little, it'll help it flow better <3

Oh… well that turned out to be the only line-by-line thing… onward, then! XD

Theme: I am absolutely in love with this theme. I think it's perfect for a writing camp app, and the way that you've layed it out not only just /makes sense/, but it helps to tell a bit of a story too- and I just love it.

Design: If this isn't the mark of an mbc member, I don't know what is. The design is just warm and cozy and absolutely spot on ^^

About Me: I love how well this expresses your personality and interests <3 My only advice would be to cut down a little, since it's very packed. Of course, I definitely know that trying to make the about me short is a job much easier said than done :')

Experience: You do a wonderful job of explaining what different SWC experiences have taught you <3 I think that the way that you also go into your writing experience is really great and adds a lot of credibility.

(Adding a side note here, because seeing that you had 10 sessions reminds me- you were the first co-leader I ever had back in March of 2022, when I was pretty inactive due to some crazy irl things… just the fact that I ended up co-ing alongside the person who co-lead my first cabin is just crazy <33)

Cabins: Your ideas are stunning <3 I love the idea of a Wonka cabin (I can already sense how perfect the vibes of it would be), and I think a TTPD cabin would actually cause me to lose my mind (in a good way, of course ;D). My only advice is that here - {On the flip side, some cabins I’d prefer not to lead are ones that I’ve been in recently, such as Thriller and Myth. But, again, I’d love the opportunity to lead any cabin!} - it sounds a little contridictory. I understand what you're saying, but I found a bit confusing just because, while one doesn't necessarily contradict another, it still just doesn't feel quite right, if that makes sense? I know that sounds a bit weird but I can't think of a better way to phrase it at the moment XD

Activity: Looks great! <3

Time Management: No notes! You did a great job going into detail about your strengths/weaknesses and how you use/overcome them in your daily life <3

Collab: All good!

Quality: Again, this looks great! It fits well into what you've mentioned in the past in the app ^^

Atmosphere: Aaand once again, nothing to note <3

Checks: Looks perfect! You've got a great plan for inactivity <33

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It's absolutely stunning, Rockie!! You've done a great job showing your dedication and passion for this camp- it shines through every aspect of this app.

(I'm also so sorry that this is so short! I'm trying to do multiple critiques while working on my own app and studying for a bunch of tests </3)

⇾ App Stuff for Miss Vi <3 ⚘

Hey Vi! I can't express how excited I am that you're applying- (co)leading is absolutely amazing <3

I'm just going to jump right into a couple of line by line things, and then I'll go into some general things.

{(although it is EDTright now)}

Just a typo with the space! Tiny thing XD

{I wouldn't mind coleading in any cabin}

The flow of this is a little off, so it took me a second to catch on to what you were saying. That's just me, of course, but you may want to reword this to say something like “I'd be fine with coleading any cabin”. Just my own reading of it, so just make your best call here <3

{excerpt}

This piece (both the small version you use here and the full version) is so great <33

That's pretty much it for the line-by-line stuff! Onto just a couple of general things <3

About Me: I would just expand this a little more, and try to show off your sense of humor. I struggled with this a lot in my first app, and it can be a little nerve wracking, but it's advice that I've gotten time and time again from more experienced applicants ^^

Experience: I'd just expand on what you do in your writing group, and maybe add in if you have ever done anything as a sister or babysitter that gives you any leadership knowledge. Again, sharing notes from other applicants- this is the space where you want to include anything and everything that can be considered a leadership position.

Cabin Prefs: No notes! You'd make a great co for lit-fi ;D

Excerpt: I love this piece so much ahh <33

Dedication: Same thing with experience- just pack in as many details about your skills here. I noticed that you brought up a lot of your weaknesses, but your strengths only come occasionally. I did a similar thing with my first app- I have a hard time talking myself up. That's a hard fear to get over, but I know you- and you've got talent when it comes to collaboration and organization! Confidence, Vi- you're amazing <33
Again, I'd just add more detail with your skills (and why they're helpful in swc) and more detail about how you want to embody your leader quality.

Final Section: Just don't forget your checks and obligation agreement <33
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And that's it! I loved how organized your app was. My overall suggestion is just to add more detail <3
Can't wait to see you next session <33

(sorry this is so short! I'm working on my own app between studying for all my final exams so I'm trying to spread my time equally between everything </3)