critique of @caesious https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/7384870/

alright! also a disclaimer before i begin, i apologize if im too nit-picky or precise, i dont mean anything bad towards u, just trying to help <33

little nit-picky mistakes:

“This is exactly what I mean. Do you think heroes go around making snide remarks and hijacking people’s ships?”

im just a bit confused because if Doyle thinks Morwenna isn’t a hero, that means he also thinks that of himself, because he made the comment that himself and Morwenna “aren’t so different”. i still like the sentence, but it just sounds more obviously confusing when the words “this is exactly what i mean” are said.

unarmed opponent,” Doyle held out his empty hands in front of him before continuing, “You may

that was a snippet, but just a heads-up that you should put a period after “continuing” instead of a comma because the speaker is beginning a new sentence. if they were continuing a sentence, you would keep the comma.

“I’m not putting up with this from you. Now you can either let her go or I swear I will kill you where you stand.” Morwenna stepped forward menacingly.

it’s a bit surprising to the reader when they read this, but the reason morwenna got on doyle’s ship has been unknown so far, so maybe stop the dialogue here for a little big to give a setting description and why morwenna is on this boat right now. this also ties into the first point on my “things that might need work” list!!

“Get the hell off of her!” Morwenna shouted. She did not give the boy time to follow this instruction before she violently threw him off herself. She was winding up for another punch

“herself” is just a bit vague, so maybe use the word “her crewmate” or “Cordelia” etc—also, the use of the word “another” isn’t really correct, at least to the reader, because we never were detailed a first punch.


things that might need work:
- adding description of setting/description in general. while your dialogue skills are really good, it would help to add some description to advance the reader’s understanding of setting and plot, and that would help balance dialogue and description more!!
- towards the end, i would have liked more description as morwenna departed, about the setting and possibly what she was feeling

things i liked:
- interesting, not cliche names
- awesome intro and plot twist towards the end!!
- i can tell morwenna and doyle are familiar with each other and each other’s presence is not surprising
- i love the vocab you used so effortlessly throughout!

overall thoughts:
for overall to work on, id suggest adding more senses (touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing) and/or descriptions overall, but that’s up to you. the encounter was really well-written and did not feel awkward at all. i loved this little excerpt so so much and you are truly an amazing writer!! there really wasn’t much wrong with it, especially grammar-wise, and i really enjoyed reading this! definitely keep writing it was really good <33

(516 words)

Critique for @extrovertedd

This is such an immersive way to introduce your readers to a character! For starters, I love the hook. The first sentence is immediately attention grabbing in that it is super unorthodox. It really had me wondering where you were going with that so I had to keep reading!
Feel free to disregard this next bit as it is super nit-picky but I think you could be more conscious of the way your writing can become cliché. For me, I feel like the whole “it transported her to a simpler time” thing is a little overdone. That isn’t to say that you shouldn’t do it but when you’re tackling a concept that a lot of writers use you need to make sure you have your own original spin on it. I think you did that a little bit with the window association but it did feel like something I’d read a lot before.
Again, super nit-picky (I wouldn’t be doing this if you hadn’t told me I could) but I’m not sure what you mean by “windows are temptations”. I don’t think the word temptations is necessarily the best word to use right here.
When you’re editing I’d love to see you keep the phrase “window corner”. It really adds a unique voice to your character and reminds the reader that she is still youthful. All the bad things going on in her life are magnified when you remember she’s only a teenager and having to deal with it all.
Okay, I swear this is the final little word choice thing. I’d replace “jungle of Viv’s room” with “jungle that is Viv’s room” however that could just be personal preference.
In the future when you’re sharing this with someone it could probably benefit from a trigger warning. The mentions of domestic abuse are definitely enough to warrant one in my book.
When you say “In the time it takes for a volcano to erupt” I’m actually not sure if you’re referring to a really short time or a really long time. I’m no volcano expert but I believe the buildup to an eruption is rather long although the actual time of active eruption could be pretty brief.
I actually really like the way you go through the events for the rest of the piece. Particularly the way Viv converses with her mother is very realistic and emotionally charged. The callback to the window discussion in the beginning is a nice touch.
Overall I think this is a great way to show off your character's personality as well as her current situation. I think this sets the scene very well for a short story or even a full novel.

OP (@ForestPanther) wanted advice on pacing, and getting a whole story out in a small word count. Here you go! Heh- I wrote a lot… 756 words…

First, I’ll do a writing evaluation, because I always do:
The use of adjectives was also particularly effective, for example: ‘a forest of birch trees’, creates the word picture of a very compacted landscape, presumably to emphasise the abundance of resources around CD, synonymous with the abundance of excitement they must’ve had upon reaching the place. Furthermore, ‘they found a cave… wide and comfortable, gently sloping’ does create the impression of vastness through the use of assonance with ‘o’ sounds, which could resemble an echo into the empty cave. Using both these techniques to interact with the sound and hearing of the readers can be used to develop synaesthesia, which is very effective in worldbuilding as the reader is prevailed to feel embedded into the scenario, which is good in making the reader feel the same emotions as the protag, so they suffer when CD suffers! That ending, therefore, hurt. Thank you, OP.

Now, I’ll do what OP asked for:
Personally, I think this was a nice concept, but the speed of events was consistent, despite some areas needing a more thorough description than others. It began with an active hook, and worked into an active narrative from there, with lack of description throughout all of it, tending to give the impression that you were listing the events, which is good in representing how short CD’s life was… but that's me trying to make a positive out of the listing. Personification in several areas (e.g. The chest was full of things waiting to be used) was a nice repeated rhetorical device to rid that impression, but that impression was still there nonetheless, e.g. ‘CD relaxed, lit the area with burning torches and began to cook their food in a furnace’. I know this was the objective- write a whole story in a short word count- but using the same description level the whole time wasn’t the best pacing move ever.

OP, if I were you, I would’ve described the moments where CD is at peace, notably at the moments where CD is observing their surroundings: at the start- in a descriptive hook to represent CD’s excitement bubbling up as they observe their new surroundings; just before the monster attack with an amplification of, ‘Noise echoed through the cavernous chamber. The fire crackled aggressively. The sound of breaking stone could be heard as CD mined a larger area around their camp’ , to extend CD’s period of blissful ignorance and hence create tension; lastly, right before CD’s death, I would’ve detailed all the senses CD was feeling, to give a synaesthetic approach to this character before their death straight after.

It’s 11PM and I can’t be asked to write narratives anymore, but I wanted to write an example:

A low grumble severed the tranquil aura of the background, but CD was too busy to care. The fire energetically spluttered as they drove their pickaxe into the persistent rock again and again, breathing unsteady, throat parched, voice coarse. Then, they pummelled their weapon into the rock again, wiping their brow and gripping their fist tightly to steady their breathing. Steady progress meant everything, and- to CD- this sufficed well.

Perhaps it was all this noise that concealed the faint hiss of a neon green monster that slowly creeped up on CD from the darkness.

The last sentence was yours. From that, you can see the scene was elongated to prolong the time before the monster’s attack, to make the reader seem detached from the fact it was there in the first place. Its subsequent attack seemed more sudden because of this.

Speed is a technique which can be used to create quick paced events happening so fast the protag cannot grasp their speed, and slowed down events to represent the protag reflecting on everything around them and give the impression of peace. However, this text uses almost the same level of description throughout every plot point, which gives off the impression that the text is listing events, which you don’t want to see.

Yet, overall, for 500 words, this packed a lot, and was very enjoyable to read. However, for future reference, using description to differentiate between peaceful events (use more) and action packed events (use less) would be very nice to see, for future reference. Also, based on my ao3 experience™, it’s best to write a oneshot with this much plot in 1-2k instead. For 0.5, this is really well done. Very clear, too. I wish I could write this clearly… I’ve always struggled with that lol.

July 16th daily || Bat Kitty emoji || 426 words

~~~~~

I am the creature that lurks the night, looking as adorable as ever, yet still as dangerous as a mosquito. I am the creature that sits on your bedside table, looking for cuddles, as well as flesh.
I am… bat kitty!
Of course… I wasn’t always a bat kitty. I started off as a normal kitty when I was born. The name I was given by my owners was Toodles. I was a very loved kitten, and so were my siblings, all 9 of us were greatly cared for and cuddled.
Then came the day I was old enough to sleep outside. It was dark, and a bit scary, but I felt free to wander off and go places, instead of sleeping on a bed that already had little space without me on it. Unfortunately, I was the unlucky one of the bunch, and the scariness of the night got me. A bat had nipped on my tail for reasons unknown in the middle of the night, and when I woke up, I looked like I was a vampire who had become a cat. I didn’t know that such things could happen in the wild…
When my owners came to collect us all in the morning, they left me behind when they realised what had happened to me. As much as I searched for flesh and blood like a vampire or a mosquito would, I searched and hoped for cuddles twice as much.
As much as being a bat kitty sounds fun, being able to not only have the perks of a cat, but also to be able to fly and eat easier, it’s terrible if you’re a people’s kitty. And, I was a people’s kitty. I could never be able to let that side of me go. I wanted to be a people's kitty again, but I couldn’t, because no person would want a kitty that would eat you in the middle of the night.
So, that’s how bat kitty started getting a reputation around town. I searched and searched for my two needs, trying to find secret entrances to every building possible, hoping I could find one person to accept me, even if it were for just a few minutes. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened yet. But, it will someday. One day, bat kitty will get their revenge. No, not bat kitty. Toodles. I wasn’t just bat kitty, I was still Toodles. Toodles will get their revenge. No one knows when, or who Toodles will get their revenge on, but it’ll happen.
Bat kitty, away!

Name: Ava
Cabin: Lyric
Wordcount (critique): 366
Content: Critique (For their writing)
Writing by: @-WritingIsCool-

LET'S GET IT

The narrative you've presented has some intriguing elements and creates a sense of mystery and suspense! I love it and understand you may not be able to apply any of my critique due to the 2000 word limit. However, there are a few aspects that could be improved upon to enhance the story and make it more engaging for the reader:

1. Character Development: While you provide some background information about the protagonist's family and their community, there is limited development of individual characters. Adding more depth to the characters' personalities, emotions, and motivations would help the reader connect with them on a deeper level and create a more immersive experience.

2. Setting Description: The setting plays a crucial role in a post-apocalyptic story. While you do describe certain aspects of the environment, such as the overgrown plants and abandoned town, expanding upon the details and creating vivid imagery can make the world feel more tangible and enhance the atmosphere of desolation and danger. This part is very important, as more descriptions mean the more chance we can imagine it clearly in our heads!!

3. Pacing: The story jumps through time quite quickly, and certain events, such as the protagonist's journey to the outside world, could be given more attention and exploration. Slowing down the pace in these moments can allow for more tension, character development, and opportunities for the reader to experience the world alongside the protagonist. Try to ease it down a bit, though I know you may not have the word limit for that.

4. Dialogue: The dialogue between the protagonist and the person they encounter in the new community feels a bit rushed and lacks natural flow. Taking the time to develop the conversation, adding more back-and-forth exchanges, and exploring the emotions and reactions of both characters can make the encounter more compelling and realistic. Maybe a few phrases which make the conversation come alive.

By addressing these areas of critique, you can enhance the overall impact of the narrative and make it a more engaging and immersive experience for the reader. However your story is still AWESOME BECAUSE I LOVED IT!! KEEP GOING, YOU'RE GONNA BE A GREAT WRITER ONE DAY.

The forest always felt different at night.
It just felt… wrong, somehow. Unnatural. Like there was something else, some presence, that wasn’t supposed to be here but was anyway.
Pippa didn’t know how to describe it, and so she didn’t say it. She only gripped her twin’s hand tighter as they stumbled down the darkened path, and tried to reassure herself that it was all going to be okay, that they would turn around and head back home soon. Surely they had gone far enough to complete the dare. She didn’t know why Olive was still walking, tugging her along with a frantic urgency, but she trusted them, so she didn’t speak up.
She pulled her jacket tighter around her, and kept walking.

Olive strode forward, breath loud and fogging the air, quick steps silent on the dirt of the path. They needed to go a little further. There was… something, something out here, they could feel it.
There was always something strange about this forest, especially when it was dark. It used to scare Olive. It didn’t tonight; it felt almost exciting, enticing. A strange pull, tugging Olive deeper and deeper in. They didn’t know where it was coming from - only that they wanted, needed to follow.
It felt almost… almost like a presence, of sorts, now that Olive thought about it.
But they didn’t need to think about it. They just needed to keep going.

From the trees, the presence watched.
It chuckled to itself, silently. It wove around branches and leaned closer to the path, readying itself, waiting. Its many eyes were all fixed on the two children.
They had strayed into it’s playground - of their own accord, on their own four legs. Meaning anything… unfortunate that happened here was deserved; they could have chosen to leave at any time, but they did not (what was the word for it? trespassing) and so they faced the consequences. It wasn’t it’s fault they fell victim to the heady, manipulative scent leaking from it’s opening buds, wasn’t it’s fault they got too close to it’s toxic vines, trees, bushes - the many bodies of it’s one mind, the many limbs that it could bend to it’s will. It was the forest, and tonight it was hunting.

Pippa stared at the ground as she walked, trailing behind her sibling, concentrating on where to put her feet. She was feeling a little… dizzy, but she couldn’t stop now. She was almost there.
Almost where? she thought, but her brain felt full of fog, the thought like it was wading through mud to get to her. Maybe I’m just tired.
She concentrated on her feet.
And she suddenly barrelled into Olive’s back.
They stopped, why had they stopped? They were supposed to keep going… or were they? It felt right to stop here. Maybe they needed a rest.
Pippa moved to Olive’s side, peered across them to see what they were looking at. They had found it - found what, Pippa’s brain whispered, but again she felt as if she couldn’t think straight-
A flower. Blooming from a vine that had twisted itself around a tree placed, strangely, in the middle of the path. It was beautiful, Pippa wanted to touch it, it was so pretty with all those bright colours-
Bright means poisonous. She snatched her hand away, rational thought rushing back to her. Olive reached–
“Don’t touch it!” Pippa blurted - but the words came out quiet, too quiet. Why couldn’t she speak properly? Or maybe it was her hearing, there was a strange humming in her ears, was that her pulse? The air felt thick for some reason, that was strange - and was there something Pippa trying to say? What was it?
Oh, look, there was a flower - that’s right, the flower, the poisonous flower! - but she was being paranoid, wasn’t she, it was just a flower after all, and it was so pretty…

Olive’s hand brushed the flower, and they
crumpled
to the
ground.
Their head spun and -
vines twisting around them and -
what was going on their head didn’t feel right this -
didn’t feel right -
their skin… bubbled?
it felt… strange, kind of funny actually, they chuckled - but they never chuckled, that wasn’t right, was it?
bark began to grow - bark? - plating their legs, sticking their arms to their side and -
their head fell back, flowers bloomed from their hair and -
no no no what’s happening WHAT’S HAPPENING-

And Olive’s head filled with another’s thoughts.
But they were their thoughts too, they had… connected. Changed, joined, become something bigger. A bigger mind, no longer one but many all at once.
And it felt so right.

As one, the forest’s hive-mind turned its countless eyes onto the second intruder.

The forest has grown tonight, and it will grow again.

critique of @coclate123’s piece here -> https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/7385198/

First off, apologies if anything sounds harsh, I don’t mean it that way <3

It was the 13th of February, and the city was bustling with activity. Everyone was busy. It was the day before Valentines day, so many people where out for last minute shopping for their partners. Many people but not me. I didn't really understand the point of all those things. It was all meaningless to me. All that romance, falling in love, all for what? Just to have your heart broken? Why would I go through all that trouble? There was no point if it would end in ruins. I had other things to focus on anyways, like stealing the royal crown. That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me very, extremely rich. Today was the perfect day to do it too, because everyone was occupied, and the palace was not as guarded as it usually was due to valentine day festivities. Our kingdom, Valentina was known for it's Valentine day celebrations, and had the biggest Valentines day celebrations in the world. The celebrations would make the best distraction to slip in and out with the crown before anyone noticed. The crown was kept in a secure vault in the palace basement, guarded by multiple traps, only unlocked with a special passcode and special access only granted to the head palace guard, Carlos Diaz, and the queen herself. No one else was allowed to enter the vault. Stealing the crown would be the most dangerous heist I would ever attempt, and there was no certainty I would come back alive, but I was willing to risk it, because I didn't have anything to live for but money. My parents abandoned me at a young age, and I was left to fend for myself, and had lived at the orphanage most of my life.

Okay, first - break up this paragraph! Include more line breaks to give it flow, instead of it being just a big block of words. Example:


It was the 13th of February, and the city was bustling with activity.
Everyone was busy. It was the day before Valentines day, so many people where out for last minute shopping for their partners.
Many people but not me. I didn't really understand the point of all those things.
It was all meaningless to me. All that romance, falling in love, all for what? Just to have your heart broken? Why would I go through all that trouble? There was no point if it would end in ruins.
I had other things to focus on anyways, like stealing the royal crown.
(etc.)


This makes it a lot easier to read, the flow feels a lot more natural, and also gives your sentences more impact

Valentines day

Apostrophe here! (Valentine’s day)

so many people where out for last minute shopping

It should be ‘were out’ not ‘where out’

Many people but not me.

This should have a comma - ‘Many people, but not me.’

I didn't really understand the point of all those things. It was all meaningless to me. All that romance, falling in love, all for what? Just to have your heart broken? Why would I go through all that trouble? There was no point if it would end in ruins.

Should be ‘It’s all meaningless to me’. ‘Was’ is past tense, but the character’s feelings toward romance and love continue into the present
Also this does seem a little ‘not like the other girls’ ajfnksk so maybe think of showing that the main character isn’t into romance in a more subtle way, for example -

Romance. I’ve never really been into it, to be honest. I just… don’t see the point, you know? Why would you fall in love and go through all that trouble just to have your heart broken and it to end in ruins? What do you even get out of that?

The last line (‘what do you even get out of that?’) shows that the character has a pragmatic way of thinking, always thinking about what's in it for them and what they get at the end - which hints that they have the mindset of a (organised) thief before it’s revealed what they’re doing, which is also a good start to introducing the character, as well as making them less of an annoying cliche (by giving more a reason as to why - and the reason connects to their personality/character, which helps solidify the character!) This would be a good thing to elaborate on )

I had other things to focus on anyways, like stealing the royal crown.

Bahaha this line is so abrupt, unexpected and funny, I love it xD
You can give it more impact with breaking it into two sentences, so -

I had other things to focus on anyways. Like stealing the royal crown.

Also, I’m not sure why the ‘anyways’ is there? The correct spelling/grammar is ‘anyway’ without the s, and if you added it for character voice that seems a bit of an odd character voice for a calculated thief to be so casual?
Hmm you might actually be able to cut that whole word out, but that’s up to personal preference.

That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me very, extremely rich.

Inconsistent character voice! You’ve got the word ‘acquiring’ in there - fancy, totally a word an organised thief would use (it’s giving severin calling his stolen things ‘acquisitions’ from the gilded wolves haha, that's a good book btw) and then you’ve got ‘very, extremely’ afterwards? I get that you’re putting emphasis on just how rich the character will be, but it reads veeery different from the first half of the sentence.
Tip: never use the word ‘very.’ Either substitute ‘very’ for another word like ‘extremely’ - I would probably use ‘incredibly’ in that particular sentence, but google synonyms for ‘very’ and you’ll be able to find heaps of options you can use. Or substitute the second word - it wouldn’t work in this situation as you can’t really find another way to say ‘rich’ while keeping the same meaning, but if you find yourself using ‘very’ too much, this site’s helpful -> https://www.losethevery.com/
And ‘very, extremely’ just… doesn’t sound good. Try reading it out loud, it sounds weird. Instead of having two words - use italics! It adds emphasis wayy better -

That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me incredibly rich.

Or you could even repeat the same word twice with the second word in italics (but don’t just repeat the same word twice, it’s like in acting - when you’re reading a script and the same word is repeated twice for emphasis, you don’t say it the same way twice, you say it slightly different each time, it’s the same with writing!) -

That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me extremely, extremely rich.

Today was the perfect day to do it too, because everyone was occupied, and the palace was not as guarded as it usually was due to valentine day festivities.

Yesss, perfect time - but you could possibly add that the character had planned this in advance because of the timing, it's a bit more calculated thief-y :>
And it should be ‘Valentine’s day’

Our kingdom, Valentina was known for it's Valentine day celebrations, and had the biggest Valentines day celebrations in the world.

Add commas, and add the ‘s’ and apostrophe, maybe reword to avoid the repetition of ‘celebrations’ -


Our kingdom, Valentia, was known for it’s Valentine’s day celebrations - the biggest in the world.

Stealing the crown would be the most dangerous heist I would ever attempt, and there was no certainty I would come back alive, but I was willing to risk it, because I didn't have anything to live for but money.

Runs on a little, avoid having too many commas -


Stealing the crown would be the most dangerous heist I would ever attempt, and there was no certainty I would come back alive - but I was willing to risk it, because I didn't have anything to live for but money.

My parents abandoned me at a young age, and I was left to fend for myself, and had lived at the orphanage most of my life.

Repetition of ‘and’ - reword with ‘leaving me to fend for myself, and I had lived at the orphanage most of my life.’
Also doesn’t make too much sense, it contradicts itself - if they had to ‘fend for themself’, why were they at an orphanage, weren’t there people to take care of them at the orphanage?

“Julietta, come in, can you hear me?” I heard my brother Cesco on the other side of the communicator. I had known Cesco since we met in the orphanage at the age of 10, and we had been like siblings ever since.
“Loud and clear.”
“I've sent you the fake ID credentials on your phone,” he said, “You are now able to get into the royal palace ‘Duchess Windsbrooke’ of the United Kingdom.”

Loving the dialogue!

I run as fast as I can, and dodge all of the lazers and traps as fast as possible. This was way easier than I could have known. It made me so happy to know how close I was to victory. I had just gotten to the vault door when I realized the door was locked.

Show don’t tell! Include the action - how do they dodge the lasers, what traps are there, are they scared, is their heart pounding, have they practised for this? What do they feel when they find that it was easier than they thought - are they relieved, or perhaps disappointed at the lack of a challenge? Describe their happiness at being so close to victory instead of just telling it! And describe trying to open the door, but realising it was locked.

“Give me a minute,” It takes a few minutes, but then the door was unlocked.

Line break here, between the dialogue and the writing.

“Francesco Rodriguez, you are under arrest for treason. You will be executed at the Valentines Day Ceremony.” I gasped in shock. I couldn't beleive it. My best friend for over 10 years was to be executed tommorrow.

OH NO!! Also, apostrophe on Valentine’s, and the correct spelling is ‘believe’ and I’m pretty sure there’s only one ‘m’ in ‘tommorrow’ too

I looked at the crown, and looked at the door. I didn't know what to do. I could probably go back, and help Cesco, but I would never get the money. If I continued into the vault and took the crown, by the time I got back, my best friend would probably be rotting in a jail cell. I needed the money, but I also needed my best friend.

Great internal conflict here!

What would I do? This was not good.

Describe feelings!

After moments of consideration, I realized my best friend was my everything. Without him, what was the point of the getting the money? I would have all the money in the world, but my best friend would be dead. We were in this together, no matter what. I turned around, and ran back out. I needed to save my best friend.

Paragraph or line break before this, to show that they’ve realised it.

point of the getting the money?

Delete the first ‘the’

Eventually, Cesco and I were experiencing our final moments at the top of the execution place.

What’s the ‘execution place’ actually called? I understand if you censored it for scratch, but actually put what it is here, otherwise it just sounds like you forgot what it was called

“Don't worry,” I responded, “together to the end alright?”

Punctuation! “Together to the end, alright?”


Overall, I really enjoyed this piece! I have to go really soon afnaksfjk but I loved the whole storyline about stealing the crown - though I would’ve loved to have seen some finer details about the heist! And there’s some great internal conflict towards the end

weekly 2


part one
667 words


workshop concept I chose:
how to write complex villains (@xXFierroOrFalafelXx)

link to version in the sharing forum: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/7383594/


I’m sure we’ve all read stories where the main villain’s only reason for opposing the protagonist and causing problems for them is just because - they’re evil. They’re just evil, and they delight in others’ pain, and they hate the protagonist and their friends for some mysterious reason that’s not really explained properly.
Or they have a motive - and it’s world domination, and it’s never explained why they want to take over the world. They just want power.
And sure, these qualities make terrifying villains. But they make terrible antagonists.
Why? Because they’re not complex.
But how do you write a complex villain?
It’s all about making them human, and giving them the right motive.

1) Make them human
To be complex, they first need to be believable - they need to be a real person, not just a tool you throw into your story to raise the stakes. You need to give their character as much detail as you give your protagonist’s character! What are their flaws? What made them the way they are - what’s their backstory?
No-one is purely evil, either - giving your villain humane or kind qualities makes them so much more complex, and so much more real. Make them do good actions every once in a while - or make their motives for the greater good, or what they think is the greater good. This actually works the other way, too - make your protagonist do something selfish, make bad choices, and lose the trust of someone (or multiple people) close to them. This makes both your protagonist and your antagonist more complex, human and relatable - and it makes them similar to each other, too.
Making the villain similar to your main character in some way complicates the struggle for the protagonist to do what’s right by blurring the line between good and evil - sometimes leaving them both in the grey area - and it creates lots of opportunities for conflict and dynamic, too. You can show similarities in multiple different ways - but some you could use are by making them fight towards the same goal, just with different ways of getting there; sharing the same strengths; thinking in similar ways, etc.
Make them follow a character arc, too - just like your protagonist. Do they have a redemption arc, or do they descend further and further into evil - or do they swing between both?
Show their emotions - what are they feeling, and what do they want to stop feeling?
Having them make mistakes, flip stereotypes, display vulnerability, show glimpses of their ‘ordinary’ life at home, and giving them an internal conflict are other super important ways to make villains more complex.

2) Give them a believable, relatable motive
In a villain’s head, they’re the hero of their story. Make them think they’re doing the right thing! And ask yourself: Why are they doing what they’re doing? What are their goals, what are they working towards?
Villains motives are super important - they’re what makes the reader understand the villain. Make their motivations stem from real-life problems, desires, or emotions that readers can relate to and recognise. And the best villain motives are ones that can be used for protagonists or ‘good guys’ too. Some ideas could be -
- They’re scared of losing their loved ones, and would do anything to protect them
- They want vengeance - against a particular person, or a whole corrupt system
- They want acceptance
- They want to take down a corrupt system or start a rebellion
- They want to save the world
- They just want to survive
- They feel they need to fulfil a prophecy - or escape one

The main thing to remember when creating a complex villain is giving them humanity, making them understandable and relatable, showing their emotions, making their motives make sense, and showing the readers what’s going on inside their heads - why they think what they’re doing is the right thing.
I hope you enjoyed reading this workshop, and that you found some new tips to help you character build more complex antagonists and villains :>

part two
798 words

workshop I used: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/7383381/
@Starthorn’s workshop on how to write a possessed character

The forest always felt different at night.
It just felt… wrong, somehow. Unnatural. Like there was something else, some presence, that wasn’t supposed to be here but was anyway.
Pippa didn’t know how to describe it, and so she didn’t say it. She only gripped her twin’s hand tighter as they stumbled down the darkened path, and tried to reassure herself that it was all going to be okay, that they would turn around and head back home soon. Surely they had gone far enough to complete the dare. She didn’t know why Olive was still walking, tugging her along with a frantic urgency, but she trusted them, so she didn’t speak up.
She pulled her jacket tighter around her, and kept walking.

Olive strode forward, breath loud and fogging the air, quick steps silent on the dirt of the path. They needed to go a little further. There was… something, something out here, they could feel it.
There was always something strange about this forest, especially when it was dark. It used to scare Olive. It didn’t tonight; it felt almost exciting, enticing. A strange pull, tugging Olive deeper and deeper in. They didn’t know where it was coming from - only that they wanted, needed to follow.
It felt almost… almost like a presence, of sorts, now that Olive thought about it.
But they didn’t need to think about it. They just needed to keep going.

From the trees, the presence watched.
It chuckled to itself, silently. It wove around branches and leaned closer to the path, readying itself, waiting. Its many eyes were all fixed on the two children.
They had strayed into it’s playground - of their own accord, on their own four legs. Meaning anything… unfortunate that happened here was deserved; they could have chosen to leave at any time, but they did not (what was the word for it? trespassing) and so they faced the consequences. It wasn’t it’s fault they fell victim to the heady, manipulative scent leaking from it’s opening buds, wasn’t it’s fault they got too close to it’s toxic vines, trees, bushes - the many bodies of it’s one mind, the many limbs that it could bend to it’s will. It was the forest, and tonight it was hunting.

Pippa stared at the ground as she walked, trailing behind her sibling, concentrating on where to put her feet. She was feeling a little… dizzy, but she couldn’t stop now. She was almost there.
Almost where? she thought, but her brain felt full of fog, the thought like it was wading through mud to get to her. Maybe I’m just tired.
She concentrated on her feet.
And she suddenly barrelled into Olive’s back.
They stopped, why had they stopped? They were supposed to keep going… or were they? It felt right to stop here. Maybe they needed a rest.
Pippa moved to Olive’s side, peered across them to see what they were looking at. They had found it - found what, Pippa’s brain whispered, but again she felt as if she couldn’t think straight-
A flower. Blooming from a vine that had twisted itself around a tree placed, strangely, in the middle of the path. It was beautiful, Pippa wanted to touch it, it was so pretty with all those bright colours-
Bright means poisonous. She snatched her hand away, rational thought rushing back to her. Olive reached–
“Don’t touch it!” Pippa blurted - but the words came out quiet, too quiet. Why couldn’t she speak properly? Or maybe it was her hearing, there was a strange humming in her ears, was that her pulse? The air felt thick for some reason, that was strange - and was there something Pippa trying to say? What was it?
Oh, look, there was a flower - that’s right, the flower, the poisonous flower! - but she was being paranoid, wasn’t she, it was just a flower after all, and it was so pretty…

Olive’s hand brushed the flower, and they
crumpled
to the
ground.
Their head spun and -
vines twisting around them and -
what was going on their head didn’t feel right this -
didn’t feel right -
their skin… bubbled?
it felt… strange, kind of funny actually, they chuckled - but they never chuckled, that wasn’t right, was it?
bark began to grow - bark? - plating their legs, sticking their arms to their side and -
their head fell back, flowers bloomed from their hair and -
no no no what’s happening WHAT’S HAPPENING-

And Olive’s head filled with another’s thoughts.
But they were their thoughts too, they had… connected. Changed, joined, become something bigger. A bigger mind, no longer one but many all at once.
And it felt so right.

As one, the forest’s hive-mind turned its countless eyes onto the second intruder.

The forest has grown tonight, and it will grow again.

part three
905 words of critique

critique of @coclate123’s piece here -> https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/7385198/

First off, apologies if anything sounds harsh, I don’t mean it that way <3

It was the 13th of February, and the city was bustling with activity. Everyone was busy. It was the day before Valentines day, so many people where out for last minute shopping for their partners. Many people but not me. I didn't really understand the point of all those things. It was all meaningless to me. All that romance, falling in love, all for what? Just to have your heart broken? Why would I go through all that trouble? There was no point if it would end in ruins. I had other things to focus on anyways, like stealing the royal crown. That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me very, extremely rich. Today was the perfect day to do it too, because everyone was occupied, and the palace was not as guarded as it usually was due to valentine day festivities. Our kingdom, Valentina was known for it's Valentine day celebrations, and had the biggest Valentines day celebrations in the world. The celebrations would make the best distraction to slip in and out with the crown before anyone noticed. The crown was kept in a secure vault in the palace basement, guarded by multiple traps, only unlocked with a special passcode and special access only granted to the head palace guard, Carlos Diaz, and the queen herself. No one else was allowed to enter the vault. Stealing the crown would be the most dangerous heist I would ever attempt, and there was no certainty I would come back alive, but I was willing to risk it, because I didn't have anything to live for but money. My parents abandoned me at a young age, and I was left to fend for myself, and had lived at the orphanage most of my life.

Okay, first - break up this paragraph! Include more line breaks to give it flow, instead of it being just a big block of words. Example:


It was the 13th of February, and the city was bustling with activity.
Everyone was busy. It was the day before Valentines day, so many people where out for last minute shopping for their partners.
Many people but not me. I didn't really understand the point of all those things.
It was all meaningless to me. All that romance, falling in love, all for what? Just to have your heart broken? Why would I go through all that trouble? There was no point if it would end in ruins.
I had other things to focus on anyways, like stealing the royal crown.
(etc.)


This makes it a lot easier to read, the flow feels a lot more natural, and also gives your sentences more impact

Valentines day

Apostrophe here! (Valentine’s day)

so many people where out for last minute shopping

It should be ‘were out’ not ‘where out’

Many people but not me.

This should have a comma - ‘Many people, but not me.’

I didn't really understand the point of all those things. It was all meaningless to me. All that romance, falling in love, all for what? Just to have your heart broken? Why would I go through all that trouble? There was no point if it would end in ruins.

Should be ‘It’s all meaningless to me’. ‘Was’ is past tense, but the character’s feelings toward romance and love continue into the present
Also this does seem a little ‘not like the other girls’ ajfnksk so maybe think of showing that the main character isn’t into romance in a more subtle way, for example -

Romance. I’ve never really been into it, to be honest. I just… don’t see the point, you know? Why would you fall in love and go through all that trouble just to have your heart broken and it to end in ruins? What do you even get out of that?

The last line (‘what do you even get out of that?’) shows that the character has a pragmatic way of thinking, always thinking about what's in it for them and what they get at the end - which hints that they have the mindset of a (organised) thief before it’s revealed what they’re doing, which is also a good start to introducing the character, as well as making them less of an annoying cliche (by giving more a reason as to why - and the reason connects to their personality/character, which helps solidify the character!) This would be a good thing to elaborate on )

I had other things to focus on anyways, like stealing the royal crown.

Bahaha this line is so abrupt, unexpected and funny, I love it xD
You can give it more impact with breaking it into two sentences, so -

I had other things to focus on anyways. Like stealing the royal crown.

Also, I’m not sure why the ‘anyways’ is there? The correct spelling/grammar is ‘anyway’ without the s, and if you added it for character voice that seems a bit of an odd character voice for a calculated thief to be so casual?
Hmm you might actually be able to cut that whole word out, but that’s up to personal preference.

That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me very, extremely rich.

Inconsistent character voice! You’ve got the word ‘acquiring’ in there - fancy, totally a word an organised thief would use (it’s giving severin calling his stolen things ‘acquisitions’ from the gilded wolves haha, that's a good book btw) and then you’ve got ‘very, extremely’ afterwards? I get that you’re putting emphasis on just how rich the character will be, but it reads veeery different from the first half of the sentence.
Tip: never use the word ‘very.’ Either substitute ‘very’ for another word like ‘extremely’ - I would probably use ‘incredibly’ in that particular sentence, but google synonyms for ‘very’ and you’ll be able to find heaps of options you can use. Or substitute the second word - it wouldn’t work in this situation as you can’t really find another way to say ‘rich’ while keeping the same meaning, but if you find yourself using ‘very’ too much, this site’s helpful -> https://www.losethevery.com/
And ‘very, extremely’ just… doesn’t sound good. Try reading it out loud, it sounds weird. Instead of having two words - use italics! It adds emphasis wayy better -

That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me incredibly rich.

Or you could even repeat the same word twice with the second word in italics (but don’t just repeat the same word twice, it’s like in acting - when you’re reading a script and the same word is repeated twice for emphasis, you don’t say it the same way twice, you say it slightly different each time, it’s the same with writing!) -

That thing was worth about 6 billion dollars, so acquiring it would make me extremely, extremely rich.

Today was the perfect day to do it too, because everyone was occupied, and the palace was not as guarded as it usually was due to valentine day festivities.

Yesss, perfect time - but you could possibly add that the character had planned this in advance because of the timing, it's a bit more calculated thief-y :>
And it should be ‘Valentine’s day’

Our kingdom, Valentina was known for it's Valentine day celebrations, and had the biggest Valentines day celebrations in the world.

Add commas, and add the ‘s’ and apostrophe, maybe reword to avoid the repetition of ‘celebrations’ -


Our kingdom, Valentia, was known for it’s Valentine’s day celebrations - the biggest in the world.

Stealing the crown would be the most dangerous heist I would ever attempt, and there was no certainty I would come back alive, but I was willing to risk it, because I didn't have anything to live for but money.

Runs on a little, avoid having too many commas -


Stealing the crown would be the most dangerous heist I would ever attempt, and there was no certainty I would come back alive - but I was willing to risk it, because I didn't have anything to live for but money.

My parents abandoned me at a young age, and I was left to fend for myself, and had lived at the orphanage most of my life.

Repetition of ‘and’ - reword with ‘leaving me to fend for myself, and I had lived at the orphanage most of my life.’
Also doesn’t make too much sense, it contradicts itself - if they had to ‘fend for themself’, why were they at an orphanage, weren’t there people to take care of them at the orphanage?

“Julietta, come in, can you hear me?” I heard my brother Cesco on the other side of the communicator. I had known Cesco since we met in the orphanage at the age of 10, and we had been like siblings ever since.
“Loud and clear.”
“I've sent you the fake ID credentials on your phone,” he said, “You are now able to get into the royal palace ‘Duchess Windsbrooke’ of the United Kingdom.”

Loving the dialogue!

I run as fast as I can, and dodge all of the lazers and traps as fast as possible. This was way easier than I could have known. It made me so happy to know how close I was to victory. I had just gotten to the vault door when I realized the door was locked.

Show don’t tell! Include the action - how do they dodge the lasers, what traps are there, are they scared, is their heart pounding, have they practised for this? What do they feel when they find that it was easier than they thought - are they relieved, or perhaps disappointed at the lack of a challenge? Describe their happiness at being so close to victory instead of just telling it! And describe trying to open the door, but realising it was locked.

“Give me a minute,” It takes a few minutes, but then the door was unlocked.

Line break here, between the dialogue and the writing.

“Francesco Rodriguez, you are under arrest for treason. You will be executed at the Valentines Day Ceremony.” I gasped in shock. I couldn't beleive it. My best friend for over 10 years was to be executed tommorrow.

OH NO!! Also, apostrophe on Valentine’s, and the correct spelling is ‘believe’ and I’m pretty sure there’s only one ‘m’ in ‘tommorrow’ too

I looked at the crown, and looked at the door. I didn't know what to do. I could probably go back, and help Cesco, but I would never get the money. If I continued into the vault and took the crown, by the time I got back, my best friend would probably be rotting in a jail cell. I needed the money, but I also needed my best friend.

Great internal conflict here!

What would I do? This was not good.

Describe feelings!

After moments of consideration, I realized my best friend was my everything. Without him, what was the point of the getting the money? I would have all the money in the world, but my best friend would be dead. We were in this together, no matter what. I turned around, and ran back out. I needed to save my best friend.

Paragraph or line break before this, to show that they’ve realised it.

point of the getting the money?

Delete the first ‘the’

Eventually, Cesco and I were experiencing our final moments at the top of the execution place.

What’s the ‘execution place’ actually called? I understand if you censored it for scratch, but actually put what it is here, otherwise it just sounds like you forgot what it was called

“Don't worry,” I responded, “together to the end alright?”

Punctuation! “Together to the end, alright?”


Overall, I really enjoyed this piece! I have to go really soon afnaksfjk but I loved the whole storyline about stealing the crown - though I would’ve loved to have seen some finer details about the heist! And there’s some great internal conflict towards the end


-

SWC DAILY 17 July

picture: bouquet of skulls
“Forgive me for asking, but what happens here when you die?” Aera blurts out.
Esme looks at Aera with those soft pink eyes. “You are a curious one, you know?”
Aera pursed her lips. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, I know it’s a fragile subject to tread on after he…”
Esme smiled wanly, eyes dull. “It’s fine. Listen carefully.
“When Life created the world, Death was already there. He wasn’t one to get jealous, even though there were times that green envy clouded his mind. After all, his job was to guide the dead and lost to the right realm, and in his eyes, everything was just dull.
“Life was the only color in his life, and so were her creations.
“Death would describe her as an animated and lively soul, and Life would describe Death as a kind and caring one. Only one person in history ever died and came back to life, to describe their experience. They said in the last moments of their life, they would see flashes of Death holding multiple things, including a skull lantern, a cloak of bones and the most, a bouquet of skulls.”
Aera shivered at the sudden gust of wind, hugging herself tighter.
Esme paused. “Are you sure you want me to go on?”
Aera nodded. “Just cold.”
Esme passed her jacket to Aera. “Take it, I’m not,” seeing the look of protest on Aera’s face. She cleared her throat, face feeling warm. “These flashes became more frequent until their death. When they woke up, they were sitting on the bed they died, because they became an entity. Death was sitting beside them. He took their hand and they disappeared with Death. When they opened their eyes, they were holding a bouquet of skulls, the very same that they had seen in their flashes.”
“What’s the purpose of this?”
“Hold on. I’m getting there. Then Death said ‘What did you see in those flashes?’
‘I only remember the bouquet of skulls,’ they replied.
‘Then that will be your lifeline, for it is not yet your turn to die. Remember this, when the last skull crumbles to dust, eat it before it flies away in the wind. If you don’t, your death will be most painful.’
Then, they woke up in their body.”
(385 words)

July 17th Daily

Picture: Somebody holding a exploding emoji and looking at it interestedly

My mother always told me not to play with fire. In a world where everything is fragile and nothing is quite what it seems, fire is too unpredictable to be toyed with. But when you're born with it, when you're me, you don't necessarily have a choice.
And besides, who would I be without it?

I can't get mad. To let my rage burn in my body runs the risk of letting it burn on the outside. And like my mother says, they'd take me away if they knew. So I stay calm. I clench my fists and I squeeze my eyes shut. I imagine a wave of water extinguishing the flame. And I open my eyes. I smile. I walk away, if the situation calls for it. But once I get home, to the safety of my room, I explode. After all, there are always a couple of coals that never go out.

My mother used to tell me a story to calm me down. She doesn't tell me anymore. I think it's too painful. But I tell it to myself once in a while.
When I was three or four, my mother was playing with me. And for some reason, I was angry. I was crying and flailing around, the whole temper tantrum. And suddenly, my hand burst into flames. And just as suddenly, I stopped crying. I looked at the flame then at my mother's surprised expression. And I laughed. I waved my hand around, and the flames mesmerized me. And it was then that my mother knew, that even though I shouldn't exist, I did, against all odds. Against all odds.

We have lost everything. But I am determined not to lose her. And I am determined not to lose myself. I know who I am. I am Hestia Ember, Keeper of the Spark.

Daily 17: emoji- an avocado in a present box (419 words)

“Happy anniversary, Lola!” Carlos said, striding into the room holding a yellow present with a big red bow.
His lined face was smiling with barely concealed laughter, and his eyes crinkled at the corners. His gruff voice betrayed a bit of happiness and mirth, for once, as he sat down on the foot of the soft, warm bed and gave the present to Lola.
“Aw, Carlos, dear, you didn’t have to…” she said as she opened the box, probably expecting fancy jewelry, chocolates, or other heartfelt- and expensive- gifts. But her loving, hopeful expression quickly soured as she opened the present. Wrapped in nice red paper was… an avocado. “Carlos, what the heck? We literally live in MEXICO! I can find an avocado in my own backyard. This is our 50th anniversary! I know I said earlier that you didn’t have to get me anything special, but I was just saying that to make you guilty! Carlos…” her tangent dissolved into rapid-fire Spanish as she continued raging adorably about the avocado. But after a minute or so, Carlos reached a hand out to touch Lola’s cheek. “Lola, do you remember the day we met?” he asked. “Oh,” Lola breathed, her face reddening in understanding. “Carlos…”

“Bet you I can climb this tree faster than you!” a young, ten-year-old Lola said, laughing as she climbed up the avocado tree, another younger girl right on her heels.
Once she reached the top, she stood proudly on a branch and plucked a ripe, green avocado. “I’m the winner!” she crowed. “HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” A booming voice startled Lola and her friend as a big man angrily waved his fist at them.
“Trespassers! Thieves! Get down right now, or I will call your parents!” Lola, terrified, scrambled down the tree as fast as she could, but she landed on an unsteady branch about four feet above the ground. It cracked below her as she fell, screaming, until she hit the soft earth.
Lola groaned, clutching her wrist, as she sat up.“Sorry, sir… hey, who’s that?” she asked as she spotted a boy her age peeking out from behind the man’s leg. “Oh, this is Carlos.” He approached her slowly and handed her the avocado that had slipped out of her hand as she fell. “You dropped this.” he said shyly, pressing the avocado into her hand and running away. Lola and her friend apologized profusely and returned home, but Lola couldn’t stop thinking about Carlos as she clutched the avocado.

mindblown emoji+crystal ball emoji

The fortune teller hummed to herself a song that had been with her people for many, many years as she cleaned up her stuff for the day and made some tea. She was a very famous woman and some people even sailed across the sea just to hear what she had to say about their fortunes. They came to her hopeful, and often left in despair. She wished she could always tell them pleasant stuff, but she had to tell them the truth, no matter what it was. She sighed and looked at her crystal ball. “You understand how it is. You know how important the truth is.” Her life seemed glamorous on the outside, but having the gift of sight could often be a burden, she thought to herself, wiping some smudges off the crystal ball. She knew of course that what she was saying was ridiculous. The crystal ball did not understand at all. It didn’t have a mind anymore than glasses which helped people with bad eyesight had minds. The crystal ball was simply a way to focus her mind’s eye on what it needed to see. But today for once in her life, the fortune teller was wrong. Because deep inside of that crystal ball, a mind lay in a deep deep slumber and today it woke up. The crystal ball felt bright flashes of color bursting through its mind and felt a loud crack as the glass at the top of the ball shattered and then the mind within it was free and it was both everything and nothing like it had imagined in its one moment of being awake. The fortune teller stared wide eyed at the thing that had just come out of her crystal ball and it was both stunning and terrifying. She’d often read about strange monsters when she was a child but this was a thousand times worse because this was the truth and the truth is stranger than fiction.


bidaily july 18-19
prompt https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/875674572
Soft and cozy bit of fabric
Found somewhere in the antarctic
We two penguins shall use you to keep warm
As bitter cold surrounds us and seeks to do us harm
Strong winds that knock us off our feet
But also bring to us a strange sort of seat
Where we can huddle together
And stay safe in this harsh weather
We’re glad we have each other, we penguins two
For on our strange little boat, one would not have been much of a crew
The cloth was soft and warm and pale brown like the sands of a beach
Though that beach was well out of our reach
Somewhere huddled down inside our shelter, snuggled close
I couldn’t help but long for a place where the cold did not come in such a large dose
In the huge desert, our bowl was like a ship tossed around by nonexistent waves
Though we longed for warmth we used the cloth as a sail, I think we were very brave
We held on tight as the wind knocked us all around far from our friends
I closed my eyes and thought surely today will be the day when my soul ascends
Snow all around us oh cruel antarctic storm, what did we ever do to you?
But when it finally stopped it was like the world was new
Oh beautiful antarctic snow how brilliant you are, how powerful
And we penguins who have learned to survive you we too are powerful
This is our homeland I see I must now say no need for scorching heat
The cold here is bitter but I have never had much taste for anything sweet
It can be scary here but from now on I must remember not to despair
There’s a sort of resilience that we penguins share.
We are the birds whom the sky rejected
But mark my words, by antarctic storms, we will be respected
Cold and deadly though you may be, you shall not chase out these penguins
We have been here and we will not leave no matter what storms you send us
Warm beaches and tropical jungles, you can tempt me no longer
For by this freezing storm I think I have become stronger
It is cold here so cold but I have the warmth of courage and friendship
We went through a lot my friend and I through our odd boat trip
And now that the storm is over and we can see the sky above
I’m glad to be safe with the ones that I love
And though I miss the sun, I cannot tell a lie
Let us lay with this soft warm cloth on which we did rely
And count the stars together and shout up at the sky:
We are the penguins and whatever you throw at us Antarctica, we will only get stronger

July 17, 2023
For the daily, I used the emoji of a penguin flying with birds!

“Watch out for bugs!” I heard one of the birds call from my left. I couldn’t identify which one. They all looked and sounded the same. Or perhaps that was just my penguin speaking.

Yeah, I still couldn’t believe I was flying as a penguin.

As a bird in the minority group that can't fly, I’ve been approached multiple times with magical serums. Tales of flight and freeness and swashbuckling adventures. I was taught never to buy into those scams though.

But when I was approached to possibly be a test subject for a shot of some sort, I agreed without much thought. For one, I didn’t actually read the message very thoroughly and secondly, these tests were pretty safe. They were usually for vaccines or something of the sort, which I had no problem with.

Now three weeks later I can fly. Like, actually. It certainly was an incredible experience. I had to watch out for bugs while talking in the air and learn how to steer myself. I even got to be interviewed a few times.

It was everything I could have dreamed.

“Yeah, I think I’m getting the hang of it more!” I called back. My shoulders were beginning to get sore from all the flapping. “How do you guys flap your wings for so long?”

“I’m not exactly sure, I guess we develop the strength quickly when we’re little. Also we’re lighter than you guys and our anatomy was meant for flying.”
“We’re still in the testing stages,” another bird interjected. “We’re trying to work out the kinks as fast as possible, but it will take time.”

“Come’on! Let’s land at that big tree!” The first bird shoutes.

“Gotcha.” I swerved to the right a little and lowered myself, aiming for a thick branch that seemed fairly easy to grab. As I approached the tree, I spread out my wings to land more effectively, but snagged another branch, sending me tumbling down in a very unflattering way.

I guess there was still a lot I needed to learn.

342 words

Daily 7/17
Prompt: A shocked tree exploding

Bernie was not a human. Bernie was a tree. And, as a tree, he didn’t do much in life - he’d never even left the state (he lived in Oklahoma). His only hobby was photosynthesis, and it wasn’t that fun. It was cool, sure - taking energy directly from the Sun to distribute throughout the ecosystem was a huge power move - but it was a rote system of chemical transformations that Bernie knew like the back of his taproot by now.
Suffice it to say, he was pretty bored. So one day he decided to make some conversation with a neighbor, something he’d only done a few times in his life.
“Hey,” was the message he conveyed, through the rustling of his branches and the creaking of his trunk.
Only one tree responded. It was the one closest to him. “Hey,” she said.
“How are you doing?” Bernie asked, not quite sure how to talk to someone. He was somewhat regretting his decision to have one, now that he was actually having it.
“What do you want?”
“Er…just to chat.”
“Really?”
“What? I’m bored.”
“Is photosynthesis not entertaining enough for you?”
“No, that’s not it, I…no, yeah, that’s it. It’s just too easy!”
“Are you sure? You don’t seem to be doing too much of it.”
“What do you mean!?”
“You’re short. Admit it.”
“I’m not short! You are.”
“Oh really? Prove it.”
“Alright let’s…have a contest. See who’s the tallest in a month.”
“Okay. Larry, will you judge?”
Larry rustled a few leaves. “I’m intrigued. I’ll do it.”
“Let’s start…now,” the tree Bernie hadn’t learned the name of said.
Bernie suddenly felt very nervous. He had no chance of winning this! But he started growing as fast as he could anyway. He couldn’t just give up.
Days passed, and Bernie didn’t stop growing. All he let himself think about was photosynthesis, photosynthesis, photosynthesis. He had to win. For his honor!
After what seemed like not nearly long enough, Larry rustled. “Stop. Time’s up.”
Bernie finally let himself rest. He let out an exhausted rustle. “Who won?” he asked.
Larry was quiet for a moment. “Hmm…he won.”
Bernie rustled in joy. “Ha! Take that!”
Just then, the sky let out a rumble. Thunder. That meant lightning. That meant a tree would die.
Currently, Bernie was the tallest in the forest.
And so, Bernie won the competition - but lost his life.

daily 462 words

I was walking down the hallway with my best friend when I heard a shriek from the other end of the hall. It was a girl’s voice. She kept shrieking and shrieking until her shrieking cut off to a sharp halt. Chaos erupted throughout the school and kids and teachers rushed to see what was going on. Others followed, wanting to see what was going on.
We didn’t try to push through the crowd. We stepped out of the way, not a bit concerned. It was probably some spider that came into the school, or some prank that was pulled. It happens quite often.
I braced myself for teachers pouring out of the hallway at any moment, muttering. But they didn’t.
“What do you think happened?” My best friend leans over my shoulder, trying to figure out what the crowd was all about.
“I don’t want to see. Probably some prank.”
Suddenly, another kid shrieked. More kids started shrieking. Even teachers.
“FIRE!”
The rest was a bit of a blur. The fire alarm was pulled and students were running all over the place. I was even getting a bit frantic.
“CALL 911!”
“Shoot,” cried my best friend. “Stick together!”
A teacher I didn’t know called the students into two single file lines. We practically tried to run but the teachers told us to “stay calm.”
Sirens blared outside as the firefighters and ambulances rolled in. We rushed down the stairs and hurried outside. My best friend was nowhere to be found, with all this commotion. People living in houses around us also came to check out what was happening.
It was devastating.
The next day, the school had pretty much gone back to normal. The fire was a topic of discussion, though.
“I heard there was a woman with fire for a head,” the girl next to me at lunch whispered to someone else.
“Nah, you really think that was real?”
“Well Emma didn’t faint for no reason!” She glared at her friend.
I looked at her. “I really wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but… someone fainted? I didn’t know.”
“Yes, someone from sixth grade. She fainted right where the fire was. She came back and says there’s a fire woman or something. Everyone says it isn’t real.”
I didn’t believe in the fire woman either. The girl was probably hallucinating.
I was in the bathroom, washing my hands. A few hours had passed since the fire, and school was almost back to normal. I headed out, then I wanted to check my hair–it was probably messy–so I went back in there.
Someone had stepped out of a stall, and I didn’t really look at them until they saw me. I looked at her, and I saw her head.
It was on fire.

July 17th Daily
634 words
Whale + tree
I was inspired to try out part of a story concept I’ve thinking about off and on

My scooter grumbled as I made my way up the gravelly path. The pizzas were probably banging around a lot back there. I tapped my fingers on the handlebar. The person who lived here had the gall to order seventeen pizzas; I really didn’t think they’d mind if some arrived less than perfect, but if they did, at least finally I’d get to see who lives here. Of course the first time anyone heard from the town recluse would be an atrocious order for pizza.
I finally bumped my way up to a large, imposing gate. The gravel path seemed to continue past it: probably all the way to the house. I had thought whoever lived here just had, like, a little cabin in the woods or something, but judging by the fancy gate, probably not.
I parked my scooter and jumped off to find that little buzzer box thing that are always on gates in the movies, kinda like a drive through. The gravel drive crunched under my sneakers, and I paused to look through the gate’s bars. It looked exactly the same on the other side. As I wandered to one of the ends of the giant gate, I saw a little box that was nestled over the address of the house.
I pressed the dirty button on it. “Uh, hello?”
My voice sounded so pathetic out in the quiet of the woods.
The box crackled back at me, and a guy’s squeaky tone answered back. “Yes? Who’s this?”
“Uh, this is Sam Miller from Miller Family Pizza. Someone here ordered seventeen pizzas?”
“You’re just a kid,” the voice sneered back at me.
I sighed. “Yes sir, but I’ve been working at our restaurant for all my life. Now do you want your delivery or not?”
The gate creaked open in response.
…
“Wow. Okay someone had waaaay too much spare time on their hands.”
I could finally spot the actual property, and boy, was it something. I mean, topiaries are cool and all, but this? This was a lot. Bushy creatures seemed to soar above me — and they weren’t just any old animal either. I grinned. My dad would get a kick out of this. I stared at the house, which was too far back than I cared to walk, but I made myself abandon my poor, beat up scooter and start trudging down the path. I had no doubt that by the time I got there, the pizzas would feel like a ton of bricks.
The pathway wound through the eccentric gardens, and as I walked farther through, everything seemed to get bigger. The topiaries grew into giant animals. I passed elephants, bears, and something that looked like a cow as I lugged the stupid pizzas to the house, scratch that, mansion. I got close enough to finally make out the huge residence I was delivering to. I mean, if they were rich enough to afford this, I had no doubt they’d tip well.
The path led me to one last topiary: a giant whale sitting smack dab in the middle of the driveway. I blinked. I didn’t even know a bush could grow that big.
“Sure,” I muttered under my breath, “let’s just get them their pizzas and get this over with.”
I wheeled around the whale and climbed up the steps to the mansion’s huge, columned porch. The double doors loomed above me, each one sporting a knocker. I set my heavy pizza bags down and looked for a doorbell, but there were none in sight. That was fine, I was kinda excited to try and use the fancy knockers. But as I reached for one, the door flew open. Inside stood a short, weird looking guy, decked out in a sharp suit.
“You’ve arrived,” he squeaked. “Perfect.”

326 words, this is very rushed sorry

I did fish + city


The year is 2304,
and Venice has been underwater for nearly 200 years.

Many people have already forgotten it ever existed at all. As it sunk further into the Mediterranean Sea, it descended into myth too - soon becoming nothing but a story, like its legendary predecessor Atlantis.
At the start, it was a bit of a tourist attraction - people have always loved seeing the chaos and ruins of once-great cities. But then many of the companies went bankrupt, and the rest turned to other things - nobody was interested in paying to see wreckage anymore, not when they could walk outside or turn on the news and see the rest of the world slowly descending into ruins for free.
Humans had far too much to worry about now - with the sea level rise, and global temperatures skyrocketing, and the struggle to save the sinking pacific islands, and trying to rebuild after last season's hurricane destroyed most of the west coast of the United States, and Antarctica melting, and the smoke from the Australian wildfires being swept halfway across the world - and that's not even getting started on that whole issue with establishing the Mars colony. Everything was falling apart up on the surface.
But beneath the waves, things thrived.
The lost city of Venice became home to the sea life - the sea life that remained. Many of the fish that preferred colder waters had died off long ago, but the fish from the warm pacific had learned to adapt, to find new places. They had spread themselves all over the world by now - but they loved Venice in particular. They flocked to it, to the crumbling buildings that almost reminded them of the coral reefs their ancestors inhabited. And without the human tourists coming regularly to pollute the water and build undersea hotels and gawk at the ruined city, the fish now had the place to themselves.
And it was beautiful, even amid such a broken world.

july 18 - 333 words
the emoji i used was hotdog and earth
this story is not the best

Lyra clutched her stomach, feeling queasy. Today was the launch. Today she would be going to space.
Steadying herself against a wall, she checked off the things to do in her mind.
“There, Lyra,” came a soft but strong voice. “I'm sure you'll be fine. Plus, I'll be there to help.”
“Thanks, Sirius.” She absentmindedly said, still in her thoughts, while fiddling with her suit.
The loudspeaker over the room started blaring. “The Launch phase will start in an hour. The aircraft has been fully checked. Astronauts, please board.”
Sirius took Lyra's hand and ran. “Come, we need to go.”
They started walking towards the aircraft. Lyra was a bit wobbly while getting on.
Everyone was strapped in on their backs. Sirius gave her a thumbs up.
The aircraft was checked one last time.
“Are you two ready?” the radio asked.
Lyra steadied her nerves.
“Yup.”
“10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 0…”
“Here we go!” Lyra's brain screamed.
“LIFTOFF!”
The aircraft was blasted off from the ground. It was loud, and Lyra clutched her seat.
“We'll be fine.”

Four days later…
“Astronauts, close to the moon yet? Instruments show that it should be by now.” the metallic voice said, startling both Lyra and Sirius.
“Very close, actually… do you want us to land?”
“That would be awesome.”
The radio cluttered off.
“I guess we land?” Sirius wondered.
Lyra climbed into her control seat. “This shouldn't be too hard.”
A few minutes later, on the moon they were.
“Deep breaths, Lyra.” Sirius joked, though his face was white too.
The door pushed open, and she stepped out, with Sirius behind her.
“Wow…” she breathed.
She was in space.
Taking it in with deep breaths, she stared at the earth.
She stared at the earth.
It was a hotdog.
“What-” Sirius started, but Lyra did the only reasonable thing.
She fainted.

She flashed back to when she was seven. The dream she always had.
Of the earth as a hotdog.

Daily 17th July

City skyline with earth in the background
Camera with stars
Shark with star pattern

It was a quiet night on the aquatic planet of Neem, or as quiet as nights ever got in the city there. The sky was a velvet dome of indigo, studded with glowing amber stars. Gaia III shone dimly in the sky, a dull golden orb hanging like a mobile over a cradle. Neem attracted millions of tourists each year to watch the stunning spectacle of Gaia III’s rise and fall in the sky. A ‘day’ on Neem would last about eight months, so watching the major planet rise in Neem’s sky was a massive festival, and a sight not to be missed. Right now, the planet was in its sunset phase, for it was about a month before Gaia III would drop below the horizon and leave the small inhabited portion of the planet in darkness.
In one of Neem’s famous aquariums, a small group of tourists were learning the planet’s history while gazing in awe at the scaly creatures said to be descended from the animas of Gaia I, more commonly known as old Earth. This species looked like some kind of shark, although it had been genetically modified to have an iridescent star pattern on its back.
“So, once us humans had cleansed Neem’s atmosphere for breathing and terraformed the planet’s only landmass, Majorca, upon which Neem City is built, we brought an entire underwater ecosystem here, to thrive in the great ocean and prosper in numbers. These Aster sharks, Selachimorpha stella, are top of the food chain here, and wonders of nature…” the virtual tour guide’s voice droned on in the ears of the visitors, who stared up in wonder at the beautiful beasts. They stood in a large dome, with water pressing in from every side. There was a ceiling above the water tank too, made of bio-transparent material so that the twilit sky was visible beyond the aquarium, adding another layer of amazement.
“What do you reckon the little animals down there are saying about us this time?” said one shark to the other.
“Oh, I don’t know, probably making up some rubbish about bringing us all the way from old Earth.”
“Right. Yeah-” the other shark cut in,
“Pose, we’re on camera!” she glided gracefully over the surface of the dome, showing off all her stars to the people below. The other rolled his eyes and simply flicked his tail nonchalantly, glad to live a simpler life than the humans, without treachery and lies, but not half bored.

SWC July 2023 - Weekly 3

starts on July 17th, 2023 at 12:01 a.m. UTC

Part One:

To begin, you will be required to do some basic story planning. Visit this amazing workshop on structure by Birdi (https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/479806014/) for help. In this part, outline the fundamentals of your story, including the characters, the setting, the main plot points, as well as the ending in 150 words or more. Ask the main cabin for writing prompts if you're having trouble coming up with ideas. This part of the weekly does not require any proof.

Part Two:

The first part of your long piece will be the introduction. You should aim to write 300 words towards this part of the story.

Part Three:

For the next step in the process, we need to introduce a conflict to your story. This is going to be what propels the entire plot into action. It could be that a character is given a dangerous quest, or a valuable object disappears, or anything else you can come up with - but whatever you decide on will shape the rising action and eventually lead to the climax. Use Gigi’s character motivations workshop to help you think about your characters’ motivations and how that might help create or influence the conflict: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/555257/ Write at least 400 words of your story’s rising action

Part Four:

You’ve reached the climax of your narrative, and it’s finally time for some ACTION. Whether your hero is fighting a monster or secretly rushing through homework before the end of class, this moment has to have tension, drama and excitement. Write at least 300 words

Part Five:

write a conclusion towards your story. Using your framework and planning from part one, draft out a 250 word ending for your story.

Conclusion:

Great job on making it through our second to last weekly! Here’s a quick summary of the parts you need to complete:

1. Brainstorming for your story (150+ words, no proof required)
   
2. Introducing your story (300+ words)
   
3. Establishing the rising action (400+ words)
   
4. Exploring your story's climax (300+ words)
   
5. Concluding your story (250+ words)

1400 words total.

due on July 23th at 11:59 p.m. UTC.
2000 points