Daily 20:

https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/612345/?page=51#post-6469768 <— My work

What I am critiquing: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/619169/?page=1#post-6471178

its good and i think it needs improbement aof

Mentality of the People
By Feather Greene

(Contest Entry, 965 words)

It was near evening, and young Anita sat on the fence that guarded the hideout of the group of rebellions. She watched as birds shot through the near dark sky, and became envious of their freedom. She closed her eyes, spread her arms, and pretended to be one of them, flying through the sky and above all of humanity. She felt a gust of wind pass by her, and felt an ache pulsing through her body, she had forgotten that she was fairly high up on the fence. Annita groaned, and got out of the bush she had fallen into. Her arms and legs were scratched, she saw bruises forming at a quick rate.
“Geez, Louise! What happened to you?” asked a high pitched voice as Anita walked back to the base.
“I fell into a bush, Coral, no need to make a fuss, we have all seen worse,” Anita replied grimly.
Coral rolled her eyes, huffed, and left.
Anita walked to the living room, which was full of people, talking quietly.
“Whatcha fellas' talking ‘bout?” Anita asked cooly at one person in particular as she flopped on a lounge chair.
“Nothing you need to know,” James shot back.
Anita blinked in confusion, James usually was kind to her, and told her everything, what had happened was what they were talking about really that serious? Embarrassed, she meekly smiled, and looked away. She pretended to sleep, and closed her eyes, hoping that the group would talk more if they thought she couldn’t hear. Unfortunately, they did not, and an awkward silence swept over.
“Just go,” Oasis barked at her harshly, “We know you're not asleep.”
Anita sighed, and sat up.
“We just… it… we need to talk alone, Anita, we love you, and all, but can you leave?” James asked a little kinder.
Anita grunted and left the room, positioning herself near the closed door to hear.
“Go to the kitchen!” yelled Misty, “Be help instead of a burden.”
That last comment was quite hurtful. It wasn't her fault that her parents were killed due to His dictatorship, and she was rescued by them. She could have had a better life without them, and be free.
Of course, she knew she was wrong. She would have been killed like her parents without them, she was lucky that James found her in the forest, cowering in fear, five years ago. Her thoughts kept contradicting each other, but stopped at the sound of Mrs. Lance's voice.
“Hurry child, help me with dinner!”

Anita chopped up the vegetables and stirred the soup. The aroma roused all the people in the house, voices became more clear. Anita set the table, but when no one was looking, added an extra scoop of paprika in Oasis's bowl, not thinking of the consequences in her blindness for revenge.
Everyone sat down, thanked her and Mrs. Lance, and spooned the soup down at an inhumanly pace. Suddenly, there was a scream, and it came from Oasis after the mouthful of spicy, hot soup. Everyone stared daggers at her, it was a rule that they needed to stay quiet as possible so He couldn't locate them, and Oasis may have just blown the group's cover.
“sorry,” Oasis apologized, and scowled at Anita.
Anita smirked evilly and continued slurping her dinner.
After everyone was done eating, even Oasis, the group moved outside to take a break. Anita lied down next to James. The whole group told stories and jokes, and for once, everyone was quite jubilant. Suddenly, Anita felt a tickle down her spine. She reached to scratch it, and screeched. In her shirt, she felt a large spider, she jumped up and shook herself. Oasis cackled and everyone else laughed accordingly, not wanting to ruin the happy moments. The group stayed a while outside, looking up at the stars.
“Look, there's Orion,” whispered James.
“Oh, and I see Ursa Minor,” replied Anita.
Slowly, Anita closed her eyes, and slept, until she was woken by a large figure.
“We thought to let you sleep outside for a while, but it's getting cold, come in,” the figure said.
Anita walked sleepily to the front steps, and walked to her sleeping space. She couldn't have called it her bedroom, since she shared it with ten other children.
She crawled under her covers, and slept, not a care in the world.

At one in the morning, there was a crash. A loud one.
Anita assumed that it was one of the children, playing, but she was being delusional.
There was screaming.
“Honduras is dead! Oh dear!” someone cried.
Anita raced out and saw the chaos unfold in front of her. Honduras was lying limply on the floor, with a snake attached to his ankle.
She gasped, He had struck.
There was more crashing, thumping, and soon, the front door flew open.
Men and women, a part of The Righteous Power, aimed their guns at the group of rebellions.
“Where is the girl?” growled one of the men.
“What girl? And how did you find us?” replied Sari nervously.
“Your group was obnoxiously loud today,” replied a woman, “Screaming galore.”
“Be quiet, Lily!” the man said to the woman, “You know the one!” the man barked at the group, “Give us her or you will all be dead,”
Slowly, the group stared at Anita, and pushed her forward.
The men roughly grabbed her, and dragged her out. She yelled in protest, but in vain. She looked back one last time, before getting blindfolded. The only people that looked remorseful of her departure were her best friends James and Coral. The rest seemed emotionless, some even smug. She didn't shed a tear, she knew she was never important to them, and as Misty said, a burden.

“To sacrifice one is acceptable to save many,” she had heard the group say to one another.

That was the mentality, something she had to accept, something that will never change.

WestEndLover15 wrote:

She holds me tight, tears streaming down both of our faces. “It’s alright,” she says. “We’ll be alright.” But it won’t. Nothing can be the same again, no matter how much she wants it to be.
“But it’s my fault!” I burst, my chest heaving. “All of this is because of me!” I sob. If it weren’t for me, she’d still be alive. Janice wouldn’t be weeping - /I/ wouldn’t be weeping. We’d be a happy family.
“It was the monster that took her from us, not you,” Janice whispers softly in my ear. I shudder as she says that word. Monster.

Its clawed hands tear through my mind, its yellow eyes blinding me. Yesterday plays through my mind again and again.

Mother’s petrified face appears in my mind, and I let out a startled cry. /No. Please, no. No./ Her scream pierces my ears. Janice’s panicked face startles me out of my nightmare. She puts her hand to my cheek.

“Ssh, it’s okay,” she says, but I can still see that heartbroken look in her purple eyes. I feel a rush of hatred surge through me - how could the monster have done this? How could it take the one thing we loved more than anything else away from us?
“NO, IT’S NOT!” I shout. “IT ISN’T OKAY, AND IT NEVER WILL BE!”
“Jamie!” She says, her tone growing stronger and angrier. “We lost mother. I - I don’t want to lose you.” she stutters, her voice cracking.
“IT’S MY FAULT!” I shout again. I don’t care what Janice thinks. I don’t care what anyone thinks.

She was trying to protect me. If I had been anywhere else in the world that day, she would still be alive. Janice wouldn’t be crying. I know there’s no point trying to change the past, but yesterday still hurts like a dagger to my chest. Janice opens her mouth, but no words come out.

Instead, a song does.

/“Sleep tight
It’ll be alright
When the morning comes you’ll smile
Forget your woes
My little child

Just sleep.”/

Her sweet, clear voice sends warmth through my veins until my arms tingle. I try to stay awake, but find myself

Slowly…

Falling…

Asleep…

A blanket of darkness covers me, and panic washes over me. I wake up with a start. Next to where I was lying, Janice is snoring gently. I laugh slightly. Maybe - just maybe - I’ll be alright. I know that I am safe with my sister.

Above all the mood you have set up clearly shows how terrified and unstable mentally at the moment the character was, the story is amazing and I love how you have shown the character's emotions I mean it feels so real. The way it’s written completely makes me feel like I’m there standing watching everything happen, the word choice is affective as well and just how the story begins is like a magnet attracting anyone and everyone to read it. I just love it.
Something you could improve with is maybe adding a little bit more details about what happened as you mentioned it was an attempt at horror when it was mentioned about the monster and just as a suggestion maybe adding background to the story, so that the reader can imagine the atmosphere except the emotional state of the character to know in what kind of situation or place they are in after the incident. My favourite part of the story is how well the character show’s their emotions and it feels the reaction of the character is like that of a real person which makes me feel as I have formed a bond with it. Finally the only thing that needs to be improved here is building up the horror or suspense in some way (as it was mentioned to be an attempt at horror). Apart, from that the entire story is really effective and well fleshed.

proof of a word war with @doomsible
————————————————-

They have it wrong, all wrong. It wasn't our potion that did it. We weren't that stupid.

He said they'd discovered it accidentally. It was completely believable. Just last week my group had accidentally made something, we're still not exactly sure what, that was highly explosive. And then we set the lab on fire. Making a healing potion is proving to be much harder than we thought.

Our leader gathered us all together, and told us. He said it would only be for a few hours.

He set up a spray system so it could easily touch everyone, and we all gathered around. I was scared, yes, not sure what to expect. But mostly I was excited, so excited.

He turned it on. It didn't hit me, at first. The people it hit fell to the ground, fading. I wondered whether I should run. But before I could do anything, I felt a splash of water on my arm. No, not water. Potion.

I'd had it wrong. It wasn't me that faded, it was the world. When it came into focus again, everything was weird. I felt… flickery. Am I dead? I wondered.

I looked around and saw other ghosts slowly rising from the ground. I floated upward. Amazed and disoriented, we silently looked to each other for any idea of what to do.

I realized I could control where I went. Somehow, I knew instinctively that I could go through things.

Inevitably, I floated into someone. Apparently we can touch each other.

Sorry, I thought. For some reason I didn't want to talk.

It's okay, they thought back.

They grabbed my hand tightly, an anchor in all the strangeness. Together, we floated around exploring.

Everything was thoughts, now. We used thoughts to

———————————–
I'll probably finish it later lol

Writing excerpt: The ballad of the sirens:135 words

Where does the sun disappear to every night??
Where does the moon go at day?
Where do the stars dwindle?
Where do the clouds all vanish to?

The sun and the moon flow into the rivers
Behind our world
Gathering all their light,
Individually, they shine bright

The stars,
All the fragments of happiness,
The clouds,
All the forgotten dreams,
Forgotten happiness is shown in the darkest of nights,
And the dreams old clumped together to fall as tears upon the world

The sun, the moon,
The clouds in the sky,
The bittersweet love and sadness
That dance upon our heads.

“Where did you learn that?” I ask.
“A-a book,” The young girl replies hastily. “I am not the Cursed Siren.”
“Lower your spears,” I command. “There is no harm in this siren. She is good, unlike the others.”

I prefer In-Person school because I can always ask my teacher for help with assignments.
In Distance learning if you need help you can use your parents, but if your parents work then someone can’t help you. If you are In-Person then you can ask your teacher to help you. My mom works so she can’t help me. My dad is busy making lunch and working too. I always ask my teacher if I am in school.
In my opinion, In-Person learning is better because you can always ask a friend or teacher when you need help, but when you are at home you can ask a parent of sibling. I like to be at school because my family is busy at home and can’t help me when I need it. My siblings are in class too so they can’t help me. My teacher can help me because she is not busy when I need to ask her a question.
Most importantly, if you really need help and there is nobody to help you, you can get a bad grade. If you need help always ask your teacher because your parents might not know what you are working on. Your teacher will help you because she knows you might be struggling with your work. Lastly, if your teacher can’t help you then try your best to do the assignment by yourself.
In conclusion, whenever you need help you can also ask a friend. You can ask the person next to you or the person in front of you. You can do it by yourself if no one can help you.

Deedee8 wrote:

proof of a word war with @doomsible
————————————————-

They have it wrong, all wrong. It wasn't our potion that did it. We weren't that stupid.

He said they'd discovered it accidentally. It was completely believable. Just last week my group had accidentally made something, we're still not exactly sure what, that was highly explosive. And then we set the lab on fire. Making a healing potion is proving to be much harder than we thought.

Our leader gathered us all together, and told us. He said it would only be for a few hours.

He set up a spray system so it could easily touch everyone, and we all gathered around. I was scared, yes, not sure what to expect. But mostly I was excited, so excited.

He turned it on. It didn't hit me, at first. The people it hit fell to the ground, fading. I wondered whether I should run. But before I could do anything, I felt a splash of water on my arm. No, not water. Potion.

I'd had it wrong. It wasn't me that faded, it was the world. When it came into focus again, everything was weird. I felt… flickery. Am I dead? I wondered.

I looked around and saw other ghosts slowly rising from the ground. I floated upward. Amazed and disoriented, we silently looked to each other for any idea of what to do.

I realized I could control where I went. Somehow, I knew instinctively that I could go through things.

Inevitably, I floated into someone. Apparently we can touch each other.

Sorry, I thought. For some reason I didn't want to talk.

It's okay, they thought back.

They grabbed my hand tightly, an anchor in all the strangeness. Together, we floated around exploring.

Everything was thoughts, now. We used thoughts to

———————————–
I'll probably finish it later lol

Nice! Here is mine, it's a bit unhinged as I just typed whatever came into my head

The castle loomed ominously in the distance, the only building seen for miles around. It was covered in vines so thick that no doors or windows were visible. It leaned to the side as if it would fall over the edge of the cliff and straight into the grey choppy waves of the ocean.

Luke took a deep breath, staring up at the dark grey sky. It looked like a storm was coming. He wouldn’t reach the castle for a few hours, he hoped that it stayed dry until then. He also didn’t want to end up fried to death by lightning like his uncle tom, may he rest in peace. So he sat down on the grass and opened his pack. He stuck his hand in a jar of marmalade and ate his snack thoughtfully. He hadn’t properly thought about what he would do once he got there. He had to go and find the secret room, and open the chest that contained Andromeda’s locket, but he hadn’t even thought about how he would get in. Would he climb the vines, or toss himself through a window?
As the sky got a little darker, rumours of the castle being haunted flew through his mind. Old Queen Annabeth had died a gruesome death on the weathervane, and his brother and sister had said that she haunted the halls. Ghosts. He shivered. If only he had thought his mission through instead of leaving his grandmother with nothing but a map and a few jars of jam. He was screwed.

Not wanting to get caught in the looming storm, he set off down the field quickly. He was sure that there was a rock in his shoe, but he was too tired to look so he just trudged on glumly, trying to convince himself with every step that the castle looked just a little bit closer. He wanted to lie down. He missed his lumpy mattress at his grandmother’s cottage. She would have made some apple pie by now. Luke closed his eyes and imagined the smell of freshly baked goods and his mouth watered. He was a little sick of jam now, after going through eight jars. Still, he trudged on, the castle the only thing he saw.

It stopped making sense after the first two minutes :) :) word count is 337

Years ago, a group of scientists worked together to try to make a healing potion. Rumor had it they succeeded – before vanishing completely.

No one knows why they did it, or when. No one knew where, either, until now.

——————————————————–

They have it wrong, all wrong. It wasn't our potion that did it. We weren't that stupid.

He said they'd discovered it accidentally. It was completely believable. Just last week my group had accidentally made something, we're still not exactly sure what, that was highly explosive. And then we set the lab on fire. Making a healing potion is proving to be much harder than we thought.

Our leader gathered us all together, and told us. He said it would only be for a few hours.

He set up a spray system so it could easily touch everyone, and we all gathered around. I was scared, yes, not sure what to expect. But mostly I was excited, so excited.

He turned it on. It didn't hit me, at first. The people it hit fell to the ground, fading. I wondered whether I should run. But before I could do anything, I felt a splash of water on my arm. No, not water. Potion.

I'd had it wrong. It wasn't me that faded, it was the world. When it came into focus again, everything was weird. I felt… flickery. Am I dead? I wondered.

I looked around and saw other ghosts slowly rising from the ground. I floated upward. Amazed and disoriented, we silently looked to each other for any idea of what to do.

I realized I could control where I went. Somehow, I knew instinctively that I could go through things.

Inevitably, I floated into someone. Apparently we can touch each other.

Sorry, I thought. For some reason I didn't want to talk.

It's okay, they thought back.

They grabbed my hand tightly, an anchor in all the strangeness. Together, we floated around exploring.

Everything was thoughts, now. We used thoughts to move, to communicate. For some reason it felt right. Like this was how it was supposed to be.

Hours passed, and we were still ghosts. Nothing seemed to be changing. Why are we still here? It was the unspoken thought on everyone's mind.

I felt the ghost's hand tighten on mine.

Everyone floated closer together, looking to each other for comfort. But no one had any comfort to give. Whatever had happened, we were all in it together.

More hours passed, and eventually we realized our leader didn't have any more idea what was going on than we did.

Some of the group leaders speak to him angrily. Why are they angry?

I don't know. The ghost replies. I hadn't known I was speaking. Oh no! What if they heard something I didn't want them to?

What did you hear? I ask. I didn't mean to say anything.

You asked why they're angry, she says smiling. I guess we all need more practice “speaking.”

That's the problem. “Speaking.”

They laugh. That's exactly correct. Somehow everything feels less hopeless now.

We're silent for a while, just existing. We're still holding hands. It feels nice.

What are your name and pronouns? I ask after a while.

My name is Chaya, they say. And my pronouns are she/her. What are your name and pronouns?

My name is Emry. It's not the name I was given when I was born, but no one here knows that. And my pronouns are any pronoun. I hope she doesn't start only using she/her or only using he/him. I hate it when people do that.

Okay, she says.

Are you Jewish? I ask.

Yes, why? I can tell she's pretending not to know. She's probably worried I'll be antisemitic.

You're wearing a Magen David. And her name is Chaya.

How do you know what that is? She probably suspects I'm Jewish and is just looking for confirmation.

Because I'm Jewish.

Yay! She says smiling. We can talk about Jewish things together and confuse all the Christians!

We laugh. Yeah, that's always fun.

“Fun.” She understands.

Exactly.

We sit quietly again.

How old are you? She asks.

I am every age. Almost 15, I say.

So you've had your bat mitzvah?

She assumed I'm a girl. Yes. And it was before I came out so yes it was bat.

Oh sorry, I shouldn't have assumed you were a girl.

It's fine. Sort of. Not really. I am sort of a girl.

——————————————————–

What he didn't know is that the earth remembers. And they used so much. Where our bodies, or the memories of our body's, are has become a sort of gateway to this realm. Anyone who goes there will become a ghost, like us. And we are trapped here indefinitely, but not forever. We are trapped here until the earth heals or someone heals it. We were wrong all along, that's the real healing potion we need.

DAILY 20 (Piece by coolgirl100-)



Where do the sun goes at midnight?

Well, maybe you meant to purposely put ‘do’ instead of does, this just doesn't seem right. If you're going to make someone read it, they're gonna think you aren't really good in grammar. This sentence would better be reframed as ‘Where does the sun go at midnight?’.
Also, maybe instead of ‘go’, you could use hide, because that would make the sentence more specific as to what happens to the sun, and it also reads well with the sentence as a whole, so I would suggest you write it as ‘Where does the sun hide at midnight?’

Where do the clouds hide?

I get why you used ‘go’ in the first sentence! Of course, I get why you used hide here, but in my opinion hide would be a very suitable word for the first sentence,and so, in this sentence, you could use synonyms of hide to differentiate it from the first sentence. The synonym I found most suitable was ‘conceal’.

The forgotten dreams clumped together to fall upon the world.
This sentence does not read well with the rest of the paragraph. If you would like to add this line in the stanza, I would suggest trying to find a way to connect this line with the other lines. This is connected to the paragraph, of course, but the starting of this line does not fit well with the ending of that line.

daily - july 19
words: 916
note: this was posted after the daily changed to continue it, but i submitted 619 (separated by the |) words for the daily before it changed

“Sam,” Laila spat, voice packed with as many ounces of anger and hatred it seemed she could muster.
“Laila,” I greeted calmly. I was still, somehow, patient despite her anger- there was still time. My plan hadn’t yet begun, and I could make room for a second-in-command.“How kind of you to come visit. Why have you come here?”
“You betrayed me. Us.” Laila replied. Her voice was deceptively calm- but not quite, every now and then letting a piece of her anger slip through the facade. I would have smiled- Laila had never been one for keeping her emotions under control, unlike me. “You tried to upend everything, ally with everything we had stood against.”
“Are you sure the diet of lies the Council has fed you is filling?” I said calmly. She just had to see reason, and then she would understand that I was right. “Has everything we did benefitted the people- or has it merely furthered the seven on that Council’s agendas? Might I remind you of everything we saw that day, everything the Council-” Laila flinched at the venom in my voice- “did?”
“The council did those things because they had to!” Laila argued. “You hurt so many people, Sam. There’s no way that your arguments can be true. You are the very thing you are against!”
“So did I!” I shouted, the facade of calmness dropping away quickly at her words. Yet again, Laila had somehow managed to anger me past the point of hiding it, but I managed to reign in my emotions. “So did I,” I repeated. Then, I took a breath and continued. “I had to burn down that village. Despite what the Council tells you, I have kept in contact with each and every villager. They are all fine- in fact, they’re glad that they’re free now.”
“You twist your words and memories, and now you’re trying to twist me, too!” Laila shouted over my words, but I continued anyway.
“Yes, I lit the fuse of the explosives on that ship, but did you even stop to think where that ship was going?” I said, raising my voice to be heard over her.
“Stop trying to fool yourself!” Laila shouted. Her hands began to glow yellow, and I relaxed my control over my powers and let the energy coat me in blue light. “Everyone there died. You didn’t save any lives!”
“There were more people down below than there were on the ship,” I snapped. “I did save lives. Everything comes with a price, friend.” I made sure to say the word ‘properly’, the way she had always argued I never did.
The effect was immediate, and Laila stepped back. I used the opportunity to continue my list- my grand monologue. Hopefully, she would see sense. If not, then… I ignored that part of my orders. For now, I just needed to convince her.
“I had to do what I did. The Council didn’t- all they wanted was just to preserve their legacy.” I felt a tear running down my cheek at just the memory of what we had lost. Of what we had gone through, just because the Council wanted to prolong their turn at the top. “Can’t you see what’s going on right under your nose? Have you never even thought that the Council could have lied to you?!”
Laila paused, and the yellow glow faded away as she seemed to lose her concentration on summoning her powers. Another horrible effect of the Council’s actions, but one that I knew could be easily remedied- not like the permanent damage to the world.
“How do you know that the people you work under don’t have the same goals?” | she asked. “What if they’re the ones who are lying to you? So maybe the Council lied to us, but is there any proof that those people aren’t the ones who are lying and prolonging their turn at the top?! I’m working with the Council because the other organizations are worse.”
“Why pick the lesser of the evils when you can get rid of both?” I asked back with a grin- partially because of the satisfaction of finally one-upping her, partly because of her shocked expression.
“Get rid of both?” Laila repeated, and while I couldn’t help that the Council had lied to most of its recruits about many things, I still felt the urge to roll my eyes at how it seemed like a new concept to her.
“Yes,” I nodded. “It’s simple- join with the lesser evil to defeat the greater, then eliminate the now-greater one before it has time to thrive. Meaning my first target is the Council.”
“Your first target?” she scoffed. “Are you sure it shouldn’t be the organization you’re working for? Which one is it, the Switchers? Keepers? Watchers? Summoners? They have been responsible for so much destruction- much more than the Council has.”
“None of the above,” I replied, trying to act calmer than I was. “And that’s just what the Council would have liked you to think, by the way, though as someone fed the same lies from as long as I can remember I can understand the mistake.”
I glanced at the timer on my wrist, saw the bright orange 4:51, and sighed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to get to. Please consider my offer- join us, eliminate the Council, and be free.”
Without waiting for a response, I turned and walked away.

SWC WRITING COMP ENTRY
I didn't write in my writing post because it would get buried there

March 29, 2047 3:14 N.A.S.A Space Center
I drove into the space center parking lot super excited.
I have aways wanted to be an astronaut, ever since I was a litte child.
I went into military as soon as I was 18, knowing that it might just increase my chance to be selected. I had to be the best of the best, so that when the time came for me to apply I would be selected. Because of my hard work, I was asked. to join.
Next came the 2 years it took to complete training. I went through all sorts of tests, excersised and stuck to a strict diet.
Finally, next month I and some other astronauts would begin on the 9 month trip to mars.

May 31, 2047 9:07 N.A.S.A Space Center
Today was finally the day, I and my friends would embark on our journey to Mars.
“Hey Soph.” Tom, one of the fellow astronauts who would be going to mars with us, said. “Are you excited?”
“You know it, I am quite worried. I've heard of the stories of failed missions,” I replied.
“Well it'll be ok there have already been space crafts sent to Mars before, and besides you'll always have me,the medic to take care of everything,” Tom said smiling sweetly.
Then the door opened, “Do not forget about me Captain, I'm going to be the one going aroung making sure that or ship does not eplode,” Marie, our technician joked.
The word “captain” sent a shiver down my spine, That's right Sophie you're captain, you have to be strong for your team.
Ivan walked into the room. He was our lead scientist. He's actually Russian, but you can't tell, because he has lived here in the U.S. for so long.
“Hey Ivan, you ready?' I asked giving him a pat on the shoulder.
”Yep pretty much," He repied. there was not a buch of emotion in his voice, but I could tell he was hyped.

May 31, 2047 11:55 Spaceport
“Captain are you ready?” The dispatcher asked.
“Yes sir we are ready for dispatch.”
“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, blastoff!”
I stayed laying down, calmly waiting for us to break out of the earths atmosphere, untill then the ride would be bumpy.
I and my peers had trained for this. Now the moment of truth wheter the rocket would blow up during one of the stages.
And finally weightlessnes was reached, we had survived. I almost yelped for joy.
Sophie remember this is nothing, do not be so quick to celebrate.
I took off my harness, and saw that my friends had done the same.
I floated around the space ship in my blue overalls, smiling to myself.
I went to communications room to message the scientists on earth telling them we had landed.

June 25, 2047 5:38 Space Ship
A lot had happened over the past days. We had multiple appliances break. Which is weird, because most of the stuff we never used.
It definetly kept Marie busy though.
Ivan spent most of his time in the telescope room.
Tom and I were the only oones with nothing to do. I found mysef enjoying being with him a lot.
I decided to start heping marie around the ship.
i floated in to the shower, where I last saw Marie, I came in to see her floating around unconscious. There was a green ooze all around her.
I franticaly called Tom, and he came rigtht away. Ivan got a sample of the ooze in a bottle, and soon the shower was off limits.
I walked into the medica lab where Tom had some bad news for me.
'Soph, Marie is in a coma."


Total Word Count: 630 words

Heart of Flames

Writing Competition Entry

1,995 words

I am Kira, Mage of Fire, and I know my destiny.

That thought brought me clarity at my darkest moment, when the past blurred with present and future and I couldn’t tell whether I was fighting my way toward victory or oblivion. I had approached the Trials just like they were another test, where I had to put together the pieces of everything I had been taught and forge it into the key to solving the problem.

But I was wrong. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

The door slid shut with a note of finality, but the apprentice forced herself not to glance back. Her spine tingled as she thought about how much solid rock lay between her and the surface. And every step she made was taking her deeper into the mountain.

Focus, Kira, she chided herself, pushing away the distracting thoughts and trying to relax her mind. She would need to stay clearheaded if she was going to survive.

A cold breeze whistled through the stone corridor, jolting the teenage girl back to reality. One by one, the torches on the walls flickered and faded, leaving her in darkness. Unease crept up her spine, and she gripped her staff tightly. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the wellspring of energy in her core, and gently pushed it into her hands. The magic flowed into the grooves in the staff she carried, creating a fiery glow just bright enough for Kira to see the path ahead.

Then a gust slammed into her, freezing her to her very core. The light on her staff faded and a groan escaped her lips as an invisible force scraped over the energy within her. Panic welled up as she realized that this was no ordinary air current. She could feel her magic slipping away by the second.

The Trials had only just begun, and she was already fighting a losing battle. How do I stop this? she thought desperately, struggling to keep a physical grip on her staff and a mental hold on her energy reserve to keep both from being ripped away.

She fell to the ground, trying but failing to find purchase on the smooth stone floor. The darkness was suffocating, but no matter how hard the apprentice tried, she couldn’t push her magic back into the staff. She slipped backwards, inch by inch.

There’s nothing you can do.

The thought hit her hard, cracking the mental shield she had put up against the doubt, the pain, the memories she needed to keep away. A sob left her throat as her body went limp. She couldn’t fight it anymore. She didn’t want to.

For a long time, I was alone. I didn’t remember my father, and I didn’t have long with my mother before she was gone too. The village where I grew up was welcoming and kind, and those around me always tried to make me feel like one of them.

Maybe it was my fault for not trying hard enough, but I still felt distanced from everyone I knew. Perhaps I could have been happy there if I had set my mind to it. If I had realized the dangers of leaving on another path.

But the fact is, I felt that my destiny lay elsewhere. I had wanted to be one of the Mages for as long as I can remember. And when the time came to join them, I made my choice without hesitation.

That moment, when I stood in the center of the council, surrounded by magic, and met my Master for the first time, filled me with such a hope and joy that could have illuminated the darkest night. I had found my purpose, my path. I was young and naïve back then, but the memory of those emotions has carried me through the pain and doubt of the toughest times of my life.

They say it’s the journey that counts, not the way it ends.

But deep down, I know it won’t end like this.

Everything was dark. Kira shifted slightly, her mind slowly registering her strange, weightless state. She was holding something. Her staff.

As she tried to focus, she could feel the wellspring of energy brimming inside her. Perhaps some light would help. Still groggy, she pushed her power from her hands into the weathered wood. Unlike before, the magic flowed easily, and the carved lines flickered with red and orange light.

Kira stared at the engravings for a long moment, trying to comprehend why bubbles were rising from the staff. Then a sharp pain struck her chest, and she realized what was going on. I’m underwater.

Panic gripped her, swift and sudden. She flailed her limbs, fighting to get to the surface. A few moments passed, but the black expanse seemed never-ending. If she inhaled, she would die. But that didn’t stop her lungs from straining, begging her to breathe.

As she struggled, a cloudy memory drifted through her mind.

When I was a child, my mother took me to the lake just south of our village. Winter’s breath had made the surface of the water as solid and white as the snowy ground.

“Be careful on the ice, sweetheart,” my mother told me. “If it breaks, you’ll be pulled under.”

I didn’t understand. How could the lake break any more than the mountain could? I asked her this, and she smiled.

“See here where the ice is a bit darker than its surroundings?” She took a branch and prodded the surface. Although the branch was much lighter than I was, cracks formed in the ice, exposing the water beneath.

“If you make a mistake, you will never surface,” she warned.

“You will need to slow down and open your eyes to everything around you.”

Kira’s eyes widened. The only thing she could see in the darkness was her staff, and when she looked closer, she could see bubbles escaping into the blackness. Bubbles traveling… sideways?

Her staff blurred into a bright blob. Her strength fading and her vision dim, Kira pushed her legs and arms to follow the bubbles. Moments later, her head broke the surface, and she gulped in sweet, fresh air. Glancing around, she spotted a shoreline, black against the water.

After her breathing and heart rate had slowed, Kira swam towards the dry land, collapsing onto the ground when she finally reached it. Every part of her was battered and weary. She closed her eyes, letting a few long moments pass. Then she dragged herself back to her feet, using her staff to steady herself. I can rest when I get out of here.

Kira concentrated to push light into her staff, then scanned her surroundings. The shore was perched on the edge of a dark, flat expanse that rose high into the air. As she neared, she noticed that the wall was covered in nooks and ridges.

She stared upwards. This doesn’t look good. But she couldn’t see another path. With a sigh, Kira slipped her staff onto her back and stretched her numb fingers, jogging in place to restore circulation to the rest of her body. Then, before she could lose her nerve, she reached for the lowest handholds and hauled herself up.

The first minute passed quickly. But as time went on, her hands blistered and were scraped raw. She reached for another gap in the wall, straining to hold on with her burning muscles. The girl exhaled shakily, feeling a jolt of anxiety when the light from her staff flickered.

Kira focused, sending some of her rapidly depleting energy to the staff, and the light strengthened once more. With a sigh of relief, she started moving again. But the same thing happened with the next few feet, and the ones after that. Soon, the apprentice was left clinging to the rock, too exhausted to keep her staff energized. And then her only light was gone.

She hung there, afraid of going any higher. Kira closed her eyes, pressing her forehead against the rough stone. Strangely, her pounding heartbeat seemed to reverberate through the rock, and she could almost feel a force guiding her limbs. Slowly, she raised her arm. Her eyes widened as her hand grasped a nook in the wall. After a few moments of deep thought, she exhaled deeply. Then she reached out with her other hand and pulled herself up.

My master, a Mage of Earth, always said that my fire would destroy me. But I refused to listen. After all, this is who I am, the way I was always meant to be. How else would I be able walk the path of my destiny?

I remember that of the many things we argued about, one thing we could never agree on was my choice of weapon. My master felt that it was too dull, too weak, too slow to be used to defend myself or others. But that staff, natural, light, and versatile, called to me from the moment I saw it.

So I made my decision. My master had control over many aspects of my training and life, but the selection of the weapon lay solely in my hands. He was angry when he found out what I had done, but by then it was too late. I had already started to carve my energy into its wood.

When I showed it to him, he was silent for a long time. Then he handed my staff back to me.

“You’ve made your choice. Now you must live or die with it.”

Kira hauled herself over the lip of the ridge, panting heavily as she pulled her aching body away from the edge. She curled up there in the darkness, worn to the bone. Breathe in, breathe out, her inner voice chanted, struggling to slow her racing heart.

About a minute passed before she noticed the golden light, slowly seeping from an opening in the cave wall. A mix of relief and trepidation filled her, and she staggered toward it. The end must be near.

As she stepped through, the glow became blinding. She paused there, frozen with shock as she took in what was inside. The gap in the rock gave way to a circular room filled with flames. In the center, a glowing figure sat, its hands folded over a broadsword.

The fire-being stared at Kira, its shimmering face a blank mask. Then it curled into a cruel smile.

“This is your final trial, apprentice,” it crooned, drawing itself up to its full height. Tongues of fire lapped at the edges of the being’s sword, curling in and out of intricate carvings.

“What are you?” Kira whispered in horror.

“I am everything you could never be.” The being raised the broadsword, and all around, the flames rose as well.

Kira couldn’t move. Sweat trickled down her spine.

“You’re weak, just like your master always said,” the figure taunted, stepping closer. “Now you will die here.”

Kira stared into its soulless smoke-filled eyes. The fire-being’s words were the same ones that kept cycling in her mind. Maybe it was true.

Maybe… maybe she wasn’t meant to survive this. Maybe her master, and all those who told her she’d never make it, maybe… they were right.

The thought was a punch to the gut.

I’m going to die.

Then something snapped—no, unlocked—deep within her.

“Then at least I’ll go out fighting.”

She reached back and grasped her staff, igniting it with all the power she had left. The being scoffed, the flames on its sword gleaming with the light of a thousand suns.

“You are nothing,” it sneered.

“I am Kira, Mage of Fire,” the apprentice countered, her knees and arms tensing.

The fire within her soul burned hotter than it ever had before.

“And I know my destiny.”

With her head held high, Kira lunged forward, driving her staff straight into the heart of the flames.

entry ^^

__________

“Appa, Daddy, come on!” Lea’s soft white dress danced with the wind as she ran along the dandelion fields. Her dark braids floated behind her, giving a sense of pleasure to everyone that saw her.
“I’m coming, your highness!” Appa bellowed in a deep voice, as Daddy laughed. The two held hands and rushed over to Lea, who was blowing the dandelions. The little pieces of fluff drifted off in the wind, finding a destination as their long adventures began.
The threesome sat down on the checkered picnic blanket. Appa opened a cute, traditional picnic basket, stuffed to the brim with goodies. Some freshly baked chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, some cucumber and cheese sandwiches, a salad made with vegetables from their little garden, which was topped with edible flowers from Michaels, and an assortment of little snacks.
“Daddy, do you know what these fwuffy bits are?” Daddy was a lover of plants. He squeezed Lea’s cheeks with one hand, and picked up one of the light little flowers.
“Those are seeds, honey. The fluffy bit helps them disperse through the wind, so that the seed can find a new home!”
“That’s so cool! Wouldn’t it be fun to travel with the dandelions?~”
Appa and Daddy laughed, as they each held one of Lea’s soft, small hands. The cool air made Lea’s stars hat fall onto the sandwitches, which were being nibbled on by a little squirrel. The squirrel scurried away, placing some of the food into its little mouth
“Aww, it’s so cutee!!” Lea giggled, as she laid down on the green grass. Her parents joined her, and joined her in making dirt angels, for what would a picnic be without some mud? Lea placed some dandelions on the top for hair, and the picnic blanket as clothes. Appa turned on his phone to play some songs from the eighties, before singing along. Daddy placed Lea onto his lap, and soon, they all started dancing to the tunes.
Mrs. Crumbly, the old lady from along the block, also known as the person who gave the cookie recipe to Lea’s parents, was taking her afternoon stroll when she saw the three of them hanging out.
“Hello Lea! And hello Teddy and Krishna!”
“Hi, Maria!” Appa exclaimed.
“Are you all having a lovely picnic?”
“We very much are! Would you like to join us? We tried out that cookie recipe of yours!”
“Mmm, I can smell it from here! Ah, if it’s okay with you all I’d love to!”
Mrs. Crumbly walked along to the clearing. Even though she was old, she was very healthy. She looked very young too. She had a few wrinkles here and there, but nothing much. “I remember when you both first moved here… you had just adopted little Lea! You both were romantics, always talking about how much you loved each other and your little princess.”
Daddy blushed, and walked up to Mrs. Crumbly to give her a hand.
“Now, may I try out those cookies?” Mrs. Crumbly grinned.
Lea skipped over with a smile brighter than the sun. She placed an extra chocolatey cookie into Mrs. Crumbly’s dark, warm hands, and wore a smile as big as a slice of cantaloupe.
“Thank you, dear! It looks fabulous.”
“I was da one that made it! My favorite is the unicorn shaped ones!”
Mrs. Crumbly sat down on the lush green grass, and nibbled on the cookies. Her eyes lit up, and her cheeks grew cozy. Her eyes watered in happiness. A cookie well done was a big issue for Mrs. Crumbly.
Appa and Daddy squeezed each other's hands in happiness. They’d done justice to the cookie recipe. With the help of their forever and always chocolate chip princess.
Lea tugged on Mrs. Crumbly’s sweater, trying to get her attention.
“What is it, sweetie?”
“Do you want to be my royal soldier? Daddy is the minister, and Appa is the fortune teller already, so…”
“I don’t know… I've received offers from the kingdom of veggies too…” Mrs. Crumbly laughed, as she saw the little girl’s face turn into a sight of horror.
“NO! Veggies are baaaaaad.”
“I suppose you have a point there. Okay, I will join.”
Lea’s victory was met by a hug from her parents.
“So unprofessional, Appa! And you too, Daddy!”
Appa and Daddy giggled, as Daddy kissed Lea’s cheek.
Mrs. Crumbly looked at little Lea, who tried to look like royalty. She pulled out a small sheet of paper from her handbag.
“Do any of you know origami? We should make a crown for Lea.”
They all shook their heads.
“We’ll, I’ll show you how! First you fold here…”
The threesome watched in awe as Mrs. Crumbly fashioned a small, but stylish little tiara out of the note paper.
“Lea! Do you have any jewel stickers?”
“I nevah weave without my royal jewels!” Lea placed a clear sheet filled with an assortment of plastic colorful stickers on the grass.
“Thank you, your highness!” Mrs. Crumbly picked out a large, purple sticker off the sheet. Then, taking the time to precisely center it, she stuck it on. “Voila! Your tiara is done!”
Appa placed it on Lea’s head. “You look like one fancy princess now, huh Lea?”
The quartet embraced in a hug before bowing to their royal majesty, Lea the Great.

__________

notes ❤

- a lot of Lea's dialogue has little spelling errors; these are on purpose– she's four years old and i wanted to really show that ^^
- this is supposed to be a fluff fic + modern au + kid fic, from the first weekly, but it doesn't go to any fandom so i will be entering it in the normal category. plus, i already submitted a fan-fic!

Daily 20. Critique for @cek2021 ‘s writing:288 words

Great piece!! I think it’s very informative and informational on the topic, which are very key things to a good essay; I love how there is lot’s of accuracy in your sentences and the grammar is spot on! I also love your sentence openers and reasoning to this!
Now, let’s head straight into how you could up-level this so it could be even better!

1. Information on your subject.
First of all, explain what is In-Person and Distance learning. What is it? What is the difference between the two? What is the exact objective you want to discuss in your writing. People may not entirely understand what your subject is, and explaining it first before your arguments will really get the reader to understand fully and be more enticed in your piece.

2. Detail.
Okay, in your arguments, how can express some things like the bad grades or how your friends can help even more? Can you explain how your friends can help you even more, and how there can be domino effects on your grades. Detail can really grab your reader’s attention and help them really understand the point you’re making. The more detail you add in these parts, the better!

3. Effect.
How do you want this to impact on the reader? Is it advice? Information? What do you want the reader to do? Or to do anything at all? Try to resonate with what you want them to take away after they read this? I noticed that you must of answered these questions while you were writing this, and that is very good, for now the reader can really benefit from this wonderful piece.

Well, that’s all I have. I really love your piece!!! <333

Critique for Rockie (215 words):
First off, I love the parallelism that you used I your poem! It gives a nice sense of rhythm and flow to the reader. The matching sentence structures makes it really pleasant to read. However, on line 4, you break this parallelism. You should break the parallelism with a line that would make sense to be broken (e.g. an end to a pattern, chaos in the serenity, etc. breaking parallelism should serve a purpose, not because you ran out of things to say). Line 11 is longer than the other lines, and there’s not a clear reason for this. Line length should be used with a purpose, not because you’re trying to fit in as much description to build up towards a rhyme. You end the poem with a rhetorical question, but there’s no buildup to this question. Your question is about blessings and curses, but there was never any direct mention of it. The ending just seems like a sudden question that you use to try to end your poem in a sentimental way, but instead it just falls short because there wasn’t any foreshadowing to this finale in the beginning lines of the poem. Overall, I love the theme and the rhymes that you used for your poem, and the rhythm is wonderful!

Daily 20:

https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/612345/?page=51#post-6469768 <— My work

What I am critiquing: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/615655/?page=2#post-6471961

this is some writing i did which i'm putting out to critique (its unfinished)

Tilly was just having a nice time in Cottage Grove, Oregon, but she got zapped to Mushroomville, Fantoso, so she has lived there since. Tilly was the only human there, and was loved. She always made little hats for the baby mushrooms, known as “shrooms” and baked magi-zucchini bread, a favorite. She always took care of the shrooms in the nursery, and other things. But today she was sick.
“Bub(they called Tilly that)! Yub arb sib!” the elder mushroom cried. Tilly had a fever. The healing mushrooms transported her to the “hobsickle” and gave her the works. But she was still sick.
“Boohoo! Bub ib still sib!!” the healers cried. But then they thought, Let’s get a pombo fruit to save her! They are hard to get, but Bub deserves it! The picking now began.
All the mushrooms gathered in a circle. The mushrooms who raised their hands would go. Only two did, though: Toby and Trudy, brother and sister. Everyone was unsure, but the elder mushroom was okay. So they got a map. And a potion to speak in English, not mushrooniese. And so they went east to Poetton, the land of bird writers.

130 words 692 characters
@coolgirl100-

Where do the sun goes at midnight?
Where does the moon go at day?
Where do the stars die?
Where do the clouds hide?

The sun and the moon flow into the rivers
Behind our world
Gathering all their light,
Alone, they shine

The stars,
All the fragments of happiness,
The clouds,
All the forgotten dreams,
Forgotten happiness are shown in the darkest of night,
The forgotten dreams clumped together to fall upon the world

The sun, the moon,
The clouds and the sky,
The bittersweet love and sadness
That dance upon our sky.

“Where did you learn that?” I ask.
“A-a book,” she replies hastily. “I am not the Cursed Siren.”
“Lower your spears.” I command. “There is no harm in this siren. She is good, unlike the others.”

You did a very good job on your writing! I like how you described the setting of the poem. I also like the end when she said “I am not the Cursed Siren.”
I also like this sentence because you described it very well: The sun, the moon, “The clouds and the sky, The bittersweet love and sadness That dance upon our sky.” But in the first sentence of the poem I think you should change “Where do the sun goes at midnight?” to “Where does the sun go at midnight.” I personally think that you did a really good job!


I think you should give the name of the person instead of putting she. Is this to inform, entertain, or persuade. I think you did a really good job and don't need to change anything else other than “Where do the sun goes at midnight?” I also think you should give more details at the end. Why does it say “Lower your spears.” Who is good unlike the others? The rest of your writing is amazing and I love the way you wrote the poem. Can you explain the part that says “There is no harm in this siren. She is good, unlike the others.” Other than that I love your poem!

Critique for @coolgirl100-

Hello! Here's the critiques as you requested ^^

It may look like there are a lot of things that need to be corrected (I'm sorry *sob*), but it's mainly grammatical mistakes and sentences, and wording that could be changed around.

I'm not the best at critique-ing, so my apologies in advance!!

Overall, I love the idea you thought of, and the way you described the setting of the poem. Your writing style is really creative as well <3 Keep writing!

_______________

Where do the sun goes at midnight?

For starters, the correct sentence would be "Where does the sun go at midnight?“.

Secondly, it might sound better if you change the wording. For instance, you can write ”Where does the sun disappear to, every night?" instead ^^

Where does the moon go at day?

Same with this sentence, you can change the wording around.

Where do the stars die?

Instead of using the word d!e, you can use vanish, perish, dwindle, etc.

Alone, they shine

Try using “Individually, they shine”, instead of the word alone.

Also, you can describe how the sun and moon shine. Do they shine brightly, or on the dull side?

Forgotten happiness are shown in the darkest of night,
The forgotten dreams clumped together to fall upon the world

I understand what you're trying to indicate here, but these two sentence don't exactly relate with the other sentences.

If you want, you can write “While forgotten happiness is shown in the darkest of nights, Forgotten dreams clump together to talk upon the world.”, but that still doesn't sound the best.

I suggest replacing them with two different sentences, or straight out removing them.

The clouds and the sky

The clouds in and the sky

That dance upon our sky.

You've already used the word sky before, so try replacing it with a synonym.

"A-a book,” she replies hastily. “I am not the Cursed Siren.”

There should be a comma after replies.

Also, add who the she is.

Weekly #3: (total words: 2683 words)
Part 1:


Brainstorm:

• Illusion like magic
  Magical Education is valued
  Large darkness setting (Like a void?)
  Turn into certain animals (Learn how to shapeshift to that animal)
  Little dwarf like creatures live near humans as servants
  Tiers- Social rankings define who you can be in the world
  Families are not valued
  Sky-like setting (city in the skies)
  Magic that depends on runes
  Does everything related to the stars
  Everyone in the world lives in one apartment building
  Makes decisions on what a certain person thinks
  Magic is associated as bad
  Worships the founder of the City (maybe the first magician)
  Ruled by a group of high enchanters
  Ruled by an immortal governor
  Speedy Messengers
  Children sent to someplace when born
  People can talk to ghosts
  Forbidden to do anything fun
  Creates things out of magic
  

Connections: (327 words)

The land Serene is located in a dark void like darkness. The sky is dark and gloomy. The ground is poisoned with evil. The people of Serene are blinded by this darkness due to magic that makes illusions. This illusion helps the people of Serene picture their land into beautiful and flourishing land. With trees and water the illusion is enough to make the Serenians think that their lives are perfect.
The world of Serene values education. To be more specific- Magical Education. Schools are in every town. Every thirteen year old attends the school and learns how far they can push their magic. There are 7 different tiers in the school. Beginner, Trainee, Intermediate, Lower Magician, Advanced, and finally Elite. Each tier unlocks a certain job a certain person can do. If they fail to complete a certain tier then they are forced to take a job in one of the lower tiers. For example if you were in Beginner and you were only able to pass Beginner (Meaning you failed Trainee) then you could only become a servant or something of low payment. Elites are given the highest offer of leader of the land.
Magic here is considered like a vital thing in people’s life. They judge people based on how powerful their magic is. Magic here can do tons of things. The main thing is creating anything out of pure imagination!
The land is governed by a group of 5 leaders. Each leader is chosen by passing the highest tier in school (the elites). Small dwarfs run around the land acting as messengers of the leaders. This is their convenient way of spreading news.
Citizens of this world worship the first Magician. They believe that the founder of their city found this beautiful land by following the stars. Because of this belief, they base almost all of their major decisions on the stars and the way they are aligned. (Basically they are very astrological).

Narrative: (410 words)

Pride welled up inside me. Today I graduated from school. I made it. I dedicated 7 years of my life to reach the top. To earn the title of Elite. I can now do whatever I want. Be whatever I want. No one can stop me. I thought about my upbringing. I was an orphan my whole life. Bullied because I was a lost cause. No one can say otherwise now. Those bullies deserve a smack in the face. All they ever did was give me motivation. I gazed out of the balcony of my dorm- I’ve lived in this same room for the past 7 years. The stars were shining bright. It must be an omen. I searched the stars. Maybe somewhere there was a sign on what path I should take. Should I take the title as one of the Elites and lead the land or become a teacher like I’ve always dreamed. Nothing seemed out of place. I just left it as it was. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find a sign. I ran out of my dorm and headed to the beautiful garden. I brushed my hands against the strong bark of the majestic oak tree. I knew all of this was fake. One of the Elite’s most guarded secrets. All of this wonder. The magical feeling of our home and the nature that surrounds it. All of it was fake. Just illusions. I was told this secret at graduation. They whispered it into my ear. Begging me to keep the secret safe. I rest my head against the bark. I thought about the first enchanter. Would he be okay with all of this? The lying. It must be- otherwise previous Elites wouldn’t have kept it a secret. I heard the cry of a dwarf, “ALL GRADUATES MUST EVACUATE THE PREMISE IN 30 MINUTES. I REPEAT, 30 MINUTES.” The dwarf raced around the garden then ran out of view. Similar cries echoed the one I had just heard in the distance. I sighed. I guess I better finish packing. Kids young and old ushered their way to their destinations. The familiar noise of conversation filled the giant lobby. I breathed it all in. I was going to miss this place. Wherever I go, I’ll always remember the busy state of the school. The memory of pride that filled me up seeing my name on that pass sheet. Whatever decision I make- I know it’ll be the right one.

OMGOSH ITS SO BAD. JUST PRETEND THE NARRATIVE WAS THE BEST THING YOU”VE EVER READ!!!



Part 2: (969 words)

How is the magic in the world used in the character’s everyday lives? What are the different abilities? (104 words)

Characters in my world use magic in their everyday life. They use it to complete simple everyday lives. Such as sweeping floors, they would use a simple spell to complete this simple task. Magic is so indebted into the character’s lives that they can’t imagine a world without. They solely rely on magic. Different abilities are ranged. Characters don’t learn a specific type of magic. Their magic can range to create things, to change things, or to bend simple elements. The type of magic in this world is based on how powerful the spell is. The types would be easy, powerful, and really powerful.

What are the laws of your world, specifically about magic? Punishments? (100 words)

The laws in the world related to magic are mostly that you shouldn’t practice magic that is a higher level that you are on. You can’t practice Elite magic (highest form of magic) if you’re only a Lower mage. It just doesn’t make sense and disrupts the order. This law is in place to prevent people from making their magic chaotic. Doing something too powerful for your skill could endanger you. People who fail to follow this law are either stripped of their magic or sentenced to prison with no magic (based off on what type of magic you practiced)

What is an important symbol of your world? (80 words)

An important symbol of my world is the stars. Legend says that the first enchanter was obsessed with the stars. He chose this spot to create a brand new country specifically because the stars were always around. Stars shine bright in the sky, so citizens take it as a sign that a certain soul or light is guiding you to the right path. Major decisions and even small common decisions are often based on how the stars are layed out.

What is the origin of your magic? (91 words)

Sometime on Earth, Roughly the late 1900s magic was developed. Kids and adults would start having strange magical accidents. These people were considered dangerous and were locked away for good. Until one day a man that goes by the name Mineon Sircwe practiced magic and learned to control it. He then made a world where he brought all those blessed with power to this world. Here they would hopefully thrive and live independently. The people brought were happy and were grateful for Mineon and named him First Enchanter to honor him.

How can your world’s magic aid character development? (90 words)

Magic can be hard sometimes. It takes a lot of will and effort to practice powerful magic. It’s mostly almost entirely will. Certain people might not have what it takes to survive the hardships that come with magic. This can help develop character. By putting a character into a situation where they find the magic hard to do, we can see how they react to this. What do they do to get over this problem? Do they study and practice or do they just give up and fail the exam?

How common is magic, and are all characters aware they possess it? (88 words)

Every character knows they wield magic. They just aren’t aware how MUCH power they can put into their power. Each character is born with magic. If not it develops anyways later on in life. A lot of people believe that only a chosen/selected few can wield powerful magic. They don’t believe that they can do this. But what they don’t know is that everyone possesses that type of power. They just need to listen carefully to their magic and have the will and reason to unlock it.

How is the education system in your world? What do your characters learn (or hypothetically would learn)? (125 words)

Education has big value in this world. At the right age (13) children are sent to these big schools in each city. Characters would start at the bottom tier (sort of like 1st grade). Teachers who have done that tier would take the time and explain how to unlock your magic. There would be multiple books that you could learn spells from. At the end of each year you take a magic exam. You basically just perform the magic you learned in front of the judges. If you seem to have struggled with the magic for that tier, that tier would end up being your title or skill level. This cycle will repeat for another 6 years until you struggle learning magic in one year.

Does magic affect the government of your world? If so, how? (95 words)

Magic does affect the government because they are entirely based off of magic. Serene is ruled by a group of 4 Elites. Since these four Elites need to pass the seventh tier in school (the hardest tier) they have to be really good at magical performance. Since magic is everywhere they have to create tons of laws involving magic to keep the world safe. They can only do that if they understand magic. That’s why only 4 Elites could rule. A lot of situations they may encounter will also most likely have a magical solution.

What are some noteworthy examples of problems (in your world) that characters solved with magic? (85)

Multiple problems can occur. Such as a major one called the rip, Only Elites know about this. Since the world of Serene is a literal illusion that masks the dark void there are bound to be areas that aren’t covered. Or maybe the magic might wear off. Elites would simply have to go to the location of the rip and use more illusion magic to heal the spots. Then there are tinier problems like simple chores in the house that one could solve with magic.

How is magic viewed in your world (ie. as a boring normal, as a fascinating element of their life, or as a curse on society etc.)? (111 words)

It all depends on how much magic you learned. If you were only able to pass the lowest tier then you could find magic quite boring as you can only do simple tasks such as sweeping or cleaning a room. The magic would just seem too simple. There are a few handful of people that view the world this way. Now, if you were in a higher tier then you would find the magic wonderful and enchanting because you would be able to do more powerful spells that give you life and energy. You could feel the magic more than you would if you were only allowed to do simple spells.


Part 3:




Hidden World: (351 words)

I dodged the pedestrians rushing past me. The honks of cars burst through my ears. Come on. Almost there. I rushed down a few blocks and slid to a stop in front of a brick apartment building. The 5 story building towered above me. I entered the building and rode the elevator to the 3rd floor. I rushed to the door with the gold numbers 306. I brushed my hand against the familiar numbers. Then I searched my pocket and withdrew a key. I pushed the key into the lock and turned the handle. I burst into the room and ran to the kitchen. On the dining table was a stack of letters and junk. I searched through the pile causing all the mail to fall. I groaned and leaned down to pick it up. When I didn’t find anything that was for me I headed to the T.V. and switched it on. I slumped on the couch as my thoughts wandered. My life is so boring. Why can’t I just have a more interesting life? A few minutes later I felt really tired and dizzy. I dragged myself to the bed. My room was a small square room. The door was located at the front of the room. When you walk in the first thing you see is my small twin bed with pink sheets. The sheets were old. They were from 3rd grade- I was just too lazy to replace them. I kept shifting back and forth on the bed, unable to fall asleep. My headache grew. The headache at first was like a soft tap, beckoning me forward. Calling me. Then it was more intense, like the harsh beat of a drum- except I was the drum. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened my eyes again I wasn’t in my room. Instead I was in a dark jungle at night. The trees were taller than they should be. Birds stood on low-hanging branches. Except the birds weren’t the right size. They were WAY too big. Fear overtook me. Where was I?


Dystopian Fantasy: (315 words)

I stared at Sandra, mouth agape, “Sandra, you what are you doing?”


She had her back facing me so she didn’t see I had walked in. She was in deep concentration trying to make a book levitate. She had managed to get it 2 feet off the ground. At the sound of my voice she flinched and immediately her concentration broke.

“Lila?” She whipped around. Her brown curls whipping the air next to her.


“What are you doing?” I hissed.

She swallowed hard and pulled me close, “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m practicing magic.”

I looked at her, “Ya think? Why are you doing it? You know what will happen if the government finds out.”

She gave me a look. Her green eyes pleading, “I promise, I’m not doing anything that could harm me.”

I sighed, “That’s not what I asked. You could be taken away. I wouldn’t stand it if I was away from you. Not after what they did with mom and dad.”

“Don’t worry, remember, I’m your older sister! I have my reasons.” Sandra said.

I rolled my eyes and muttered, “Well, you don’t act like it.”

We sat in silence until Sandra got up, she lent me a hand, “Here let me show you what I learned so far.”
I didn’t take her hand but I watched her as she held out a candle and placed it on the floor of the room. Sandra then closed her eyes for a while and opened them. She reached out her finger and touched the candle. A small flame flickered and lit. The candle’s sweet smell drifted throughout the room.

“Ok, that was pretty cool, but still. Put it out. I heard that the Officials have these crazy devices that can detect when magic is used.”

Sandra looked at me like I was crazy- maybe I was. I just wanted her to be safe.



Science Fantasy: (313 words)

Lucy trained her ears to listen to the faint whirs of the computers around her. Her eyes were closed and she rested on a park bench. Her head was tilted down so her short black hair fell down to cover her eyes. The tall skyscrapers loomed above her. The sun shone a radiant light that made a nearby fountain’s water sparkle. Around her robots all shapes and sizes walked on the long sidewalks. Some carried grocery bags, others carried dogs, and a few of them were jogging as if getting exercise. People were sprinkled here, ever since the Great Advancement, Humans found no need to step outside the comfort of their own homes. Robots now did all the work that we even had to go out for.

She ignored the mechanical sounds of the robots walking past her, as the sound always made her want to punch a wall, and focused on the soft woosh, beeps, and whirs of the flying cars above her. She focused on finding the sound she was waiting for. Pretty soon she heard the familiar sound of a normal car. The constant vroom of the old engine pleased Lucy. This was the sound she enjoyed.

She smiled and hopped off the bench and headed to the bright red toyota in front of her. She pulled open the passenger door- ignoring the stares from the robots around her.

As she pulled herself in she heard an old sounding voice from the driver’s seat, “Ya find what I needed?”

She looked at Grandad, “Of course. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

Lucy handed Grandad a wrapped package. He put the car in park and opened the package.

Inside was a hardcover book, The cover was worn out and you could barely read the title.

Grandad smiled, “It aint in good shape but it's better than reading off of those bright screens.”