7/26 main cabin daily
“I’ll give them shelter, like you've done for me.”

It was almost time for the Marquis de Lafayette to go back to France. The Continental Congress had allowed him to return, in case the Continental army needed more supplies or funds for future campaigns. But everyone knew the war was already decided in the Americans’ favor.
Before he departed for Boston, to board the ship that would bring him back to his country, Washington visited him once again.
“So I suppose this is goodbye,” the commander-in-chief commented, gazing towards the horizon.
“Non, mon général,” Lafayette protested. “We could be separated by land and sea, but you shall always have a place in my heart.”
Washington offered him a faint smile. “Of course, my dear marquis. You have done well in your services to this country. Nothing could erase the impact of them.”
Lafayette’s eyes glowed with pride as he turned towards the man he had long looked up to and regarded as a father.
Washington could obviously see the admiration the boy had for him as well—though is he really a boy anymore? In the war Lafayette had proven himself to be worthy, and he had learned so much too.
Though the fight for independence was not yet over, he was ready to leave Washington. And when he comes back, it certainly won’t be the same anymore. How could Washington tell this to him? What could be said that wasn’t already?
“I’m proud of you.”
These four simple words, loud and clear, seem to express everything in itself.
Lafayette nodded, his eyes fixed on Washington’s.
“I wish I could be as great as you, for my own children.”
The Frenchman thought Washington was worthy as a father to him. Washington contemplated this. And found what to say.
“Of course you will. Just take care of them-”
“Like you did for me.” Lafayette finished warmly.

7/27 daily part 1
Piece for critique; one of my writing comp entries (I regret not asking someone to critique before I submitted)
Also, you may pick any other piece from this topic about Lafayette/Hamilton and the Cahills (they are all from my crossover fanfic.)


Night of Monmouth

It had been a long day at Monmouth. As he silently walked through the ruins of the battlefield, Washington’s thoughts were lingering on how the battle could’ve been won without Lee. Through the old general’s blunders, the intricate trap that had been set for the British shattered into nothing. Though he did get a sense of satisfaction from rebuking Lee, it didn’t help in the war.
And the heat, he recounted bitterly. Both sides lost many to that as well; Washington’s own horse had died. If it wasn’t for his stopping the retreat, the battle could’ve been very well lost. It was too late to launch a counterattack; the sun was already setting. His soldiers had set up camp where they were.
Washington himself hadn’t done his best, either. During the battle, he completely forgot about Daniel Morgan’s Rangers; they were unengaged in the whole attack. He thought that his other generals had done reasonably well, better than himself. Greene’s division had successfully pushed Cornwallis back, Wayne’s artillery vanguard tried valiantly to finish the trap…
And Lafayette- the young marquis had proven himself capable as a commander. Washington’s affection for him had persisted, and even grown, through the hardships of the revolution. He felt a touch of pride as he remembered how Lafayette had gracefully given the command to Lee. He certainly shouldn’t be underestimated because of his age and nationality.
As his eyes drifted around, Washington saw the very person he was thinking about under an old oak. His heart quickened as he stared at the limp shape.
Is he- No, he was alive. Washington noticed that as he approached. The boy was leaning back on the tree, with his chin nearly touching his chest. Though it wasn’t cold, he was shivering slightly too.
Sitting down next to him, Washington took off his cloak and gently wrapped it around the two of them. Lafayette blinked his eyes open as he noticed him. “General Washington?” he mumbled. “What-”
Washington hushed him. “Shhhhh, my dear marquis,” Lafayette obeyed and closed his eyes again. Soon, Washington could hear his deep, rhythmic breathing as he drifted back into sleep. He sighed as he looked at the sleeping form of Lafayette. How long could he protect him from the Cahills? Sooner or later, he’ll find out the truth. Washington hated to see the day when the Frenchman finds that he was surrounded by a family of backstabbers and liars.
But Washington closed his eyes. There would be another day of heat, a long war to fight, more secrets and lies. But he could enjoy this moment right now, with the boy he had grown to love. Before time moves on…
A warm breeze whisked through the trees, and crickets chirped faintly. Father and son lay peacefully in the moonlit clearing, as stars glittered brightly above in the sky.

first off, it was really nicely written, but i went line by line with this because i'm a nitpick (so don't take what i say super harshly)

Night of Monmouth

sigh. it's a title, for a daily— i know. i just think that “night of monmouth” is rather boring (and sounds like the title of a magic treehouse book)

It had been a long day at Monmouth. As he silently walked through the ruins of the battlefield,

description, description, description! (no idea if i'm being too harsh just because this was written for the daily but ahem)

Monmouth had seen its better days. As the sun found its way toward the horizon, golden rays grasping at the other side, Washington made his way through its ruins. Rubble littered the sides of torn-up streets, ash still fell like snow on abandoned playgrounds and deserted homes. Monmouth still had yet to see a victory.

you get a ton more words! whenever you start a story try to stuff a ton of description in. it's hard to tell whether it's necessary (or not) but as long as it's not a ton and help sets of the mood most people are happy to read through like… lots of description

Washington’s thoughts were lingering on how the battle could’ve been won without Lee.

i believe since you're writing this story in past tense it should be: "Washington's thoughts lingered…"

Through the old general’s blunders, the intricate trap that had been set for the British shattered into nothing.

through doesn't seem like the best word choice here (just in general). maybe “As a result of” or “Capitalizing on” (first shows more cause and effect, second expresses that this is a war more)

Though he did get a sense of satisfaction from rebuking Lee, it didn’t help in the war.

i am going to try not to be super nitpicky and pick apart every sentence that doesn't fit my own personal preference (because obviously, that's my personal preference) i do think that this comma could be replaced by an em dash (“—”) and you could change it to “reprimanding a ruinous general did not win any wars.” as to reinstall that sense of a bitter lost/how lee failed miserably

If it wasn’t for his stopping the retreat, the battle could’ve been very well lost. It was too late to launch a counterattack;

stopping whos retreat? a counterattack? these statements are sort of muddled together and contradict each other.

Washington himself hadn’t done his best, either.

a better way to express this might be through internalized self-doubt (as more and more people idolize him for being a great general) and just plain worry that they may lose the American Revolution

And Lafayette— the young marquis had proven himself capable as a commander.

hyphen should be an em dash and i think “more than capable” could help with expressing how talented Lafayette is

He felt a touch of pride as he remembered how Lafayette had gracefully given the command to Lee.

relinquished instead of given (to show that he didn't willingly give it up, but under orders, he did do it gracefully)

As his eyes drifted around, Washington saw the very person he was thinking about under an old oak. His heart quickened as he stared at the limp shape.

even moreee description! i'm not going to type out another full paragraph because i feel like that's rude and inconsiderate

Washington hushed him. “Shhhhh, my dear marquis,”

dear has lost all it's other meanings on me now that i've had it used on me in a (jokingly) loving way. it's also sort of demeaning and makes it seem as if Washington treats him as a pet? (or even child but i guess that's what you're going for)

Sooner or later, he'd find out the truth. Washington would hated to see the day when the Frenchman found that he was surrounded by a family of backstabbers and liars.

this still needs to keep consistent tense even if it's about something that has yet to happen. (you could add a would in the second sentence though)

Before time moves on…

same thing here

A warm breeze whisked through the trees, and crickets chirped faintly. Father and son lay peacefully in the moonlit clearing, as stars glittered brightly above in the sky.

last paragraph should round it off with even more description. also something fun to play around with would be repetition (and just in this last paragraph) it would look something like: “American and Frenchman, General and Commander, father and son…” to highlight their differences, but also how they ultimately grow to hold affection for each other

Weekly 4

Part 1: 614 words
Fanfic for Hi-fi cabin about some Vikings; I continued the short story from the first cabin war: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/528556/

The next few days passed by pleasantly. Bloom managed to live with the Vikings without being beheaded by an ax, which she found surprising at times. For one of the few times in her life, she felt like her insecurities were melting away. Practically everyone was kind and courteous to her, and they comforted her about the Vikings who weren’t so nice.
“That’s Thor,” Sigrid pointed at a hulk of a Viking one day, as the pair saw him. “Named after-”
“The god of lightning.” Bloom finished.
Sigrid nodded, looking faintly surprised about how she knew. “Yeah. Him. Anyways, Thor- the Viking, not the god- is pretty much the worst Viking in the whole village. Soooo mean and unfriendly.” She shook her head in disappointment. “Shame that he’s a senior warrior.”
“Well, he probably is good at fighting or something,” Bloom said, shrugging. She couldn’t help but also feel frightened of the monstrous Viking.
“Not really,” Sigrid clarified. “It’s because he’s so big; that’s what make him powerful.”
Bloom felt a shiver as she watched the senior warrior head away. Would he like her? She was sure that Thor could do powerful things, and they could definitely be unpleasant.
“Just stay out of his way, and you’ll be fine.”
The chief also helped Bloom when he can, to figure out how to get her back. “It could have something to do with Thor. Our god of lightning.”
Bloom was too disheartened to point out that Thor wasn’t necessarily real, and this wasn’t the time. The chief might also take offense. He definitely wasn’t Thor the old Viking, but Bloom was sure that the chief still had a temper.
“Maybe we could send something to him, and get you back.” Chief proposed.
Bloom nodded, even though she wasn’t sure it could work. At least they should give it a try. She was definitely homesick.
“Where did you come from?” Chief asked thoughtfully, stroking his beard.
“The future-”
“No, I meant part of the world. Are you from this place, where we are now?”
“I’m not really sure…” Bloom admitted. It did look like it, but it was vastly different centuries into the future.
“We could send you back the same way you came. By lighting.” Chief said solemnly. Bloom thought he was a bit crazy. Well, why not just go with it? Dying could be better than the lonely life she had.
“O-okay.”
The next day passed in a blur. The Vikings were all getting for her blast back into the past. Sigrid was busily chatting away every day, but was helpful in the preparation. Bloom wondered about Thor when she saw him working one day. Who was he, really? She hoped to find out soon.
Finally, they were done. A wooden stand, with metal poles to attract lightning. That’s what Bloom explained to the chief, but she doubted that he understood. Right now it was winter, and the storms were commonplace. All she had to do was to stay on the stand, and hope she would be struck by lightning. Everyone would plead the god of lightning to send her back.
Bloom was terrified as she stepped on to the stand. She was pretty much certain that she would get fried into ashes. But she had to trust the Vikings, and a lightning storm was how she got here in the first place.
“Goodbye!” Sigrid shouted at her. Everyone else wished Bloom farewell as Thor- the Viking- snapped his fingers, and the world blazed in a flash of light.
It didn’t hurt. Bloom opened her eyes to see her house. She couldn’t believe it! She was back!
And somehow, both Thors were behind that.


Part 2: 920 words
Edit: ~snip Part 2~

Comment: Bleh. I only ship them platonically now. And, uh… I'll probably not end up writing romance for a few years; who knows?
-Sandy, 11/02/2021

Part 3: 1380 words
Edit: ~snip Part 3~

(seriously, what was I thinking when I wrote this? it's one of the most scratch-unfriendly things I've ever seen)
-Sandy, 11/02/2021

~~~~~
Sorry if the quality of the writing is kind of bad, it's because this was pretty rushed.
Edit 11/01/2021: I killed off the last two parts. If I had the time, I'll go back and kill off all of my cringy pieces (which would be 3/4 of my total works lol). Don't worry, they're all saved in an old Google Doc.

And that is all for July SWC! I won't be closing this, in case anyone stumbles across it, but I won't do anything else on here anymore. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ngl, despite my cringey Amyette stuff and THAT CRAZY THING I INCLUDED FOR THE WEEKLY,
I had pretty good writing skills back then :0
…which meant that I haven't improved as much as I wanted xD

Ah, that's quite alright (COLONEL VON KRIEGER REF AHAHA)