Please critique (just make sure to send me a link so I see it.) I plan on submitting this to tje writing competition later.

Into the Night:

So, here we are again.


I wonder how you could have found me
Against this backdrop of distance-
I thought you were something I had left for the past.
I feel you wrapping around me like a spider
In my head, your tendrils
Taking hold of my thoughts, the way
Darkness captures the night sky.


I'd have left you by now if I could,
Send you back to the past,
So I could move on to the future.
And I've tried to cut through these ropes
But they've bonded both my hands,
Heavy and waterlogged with grief
Oh, I'm like a bird that's never seen the sky.


But you, my favorite ghost:
With your smiles and your lies,
Shoved down my throat like your empty promises
I'd sooner smash your face with breakfasts plates before I'll let myself be served on them again.


And you've stolen my voice,
And you've laid eggs inside my mind,
And you've laid siege to my heart,
Said I wouldn't need it for anybody but you.
But you haven't taken my pen,
And you haven't cut off my hand.
I'll be writing with my left foot if that's what it takes.
You won't be taking me.
No, not if I can still trace words out of my scars.
Stanzas out of my suffering
My trauma can be translated into trifectas or
Triolets, please, whatever you’d prefer

You promised we'd be friends,
But your laughter crashed down on me.
The sky fell in ribbons and I plunged with it,
Carrying with me the only way I knew to carry on.
So I fell back to you,
Back into your nest.

I guess I never learned to fly.


Notes:


Please feel free to skip past this part. There were some notes I wanted to include for this poem, though, so if you’re interested, please read!


I would like to note that I did reference some poems I find inspirational. If you got them, good for you! If not, here are the lines I was referencing:


The lines “With your smiles and your lies/ Shoved down my throat like your empty promises/ I'd sooner smash your face with breakfasts plates before I'll let myself be served on them again.” are a reference to the poem the Jailer by Sylvia Plath- please note that this poem does have some content that may not be for everyone, so trigger warning for that if you do decide to look it up on your own.


The line “And I've tried to cut through these ropes/ But they've bonded both my hands/ Heavy and waterlogged with grief” is an allusion to In the Deep by Amanda Gorman- specifically the line “Grief made ropes of our arms”. It’s probably my favorite poem, seriously, Call Us What We Carry is an amazing collection.


Lastly, the line “Oh, I'm like a bird that's never seen the sky.” is a reference to Caged Bird by Maya Angelou. This poem I also find very powerful and would recommend. The rhythm, the symbolism, and the rhyme scheme of this poem make it very powerful.


These are just references, I did not copy the poems. However, I would strongly recommend all of you to check them out (and if you like “the Jailer”, “Daddy” by Sylvia Plath is even better in my opinion.) Also, In the Deep is amazing. Okay. Now I’m rambling.


This poem was inspired specifically by a toxic friendship that I used to be in, but it could be applied to any abusive relationship. Often it can be hard to escape these because love can be blinding. You come first- don’t be afraid to leave someone who is treating you poorly.


So yeah! Hope you enjoyed I’d be happy to answer any questions anyone had about other lines.


(Also if you have any poetry recommendations for me I’d love to read them!)

4th Weekly
Part One
(Altogether) Word Count: look at later

all of this is pure trash if you’re going to check the words please don’t read it :’) i hate all of this with every fiber in my being.

C1, Introvert, Jack (8)
word count: 422
Harper is an entertainer.She lives to serve, to bow down, to be but a joker in a court.She was not meant to lead, no matter how loud or rambunctious she gets.It was simply not what she was meant to do.This, slightly explains why she was the one to suggest running away to the circus, where Piper could be a ringmaster and Harper a dancer, from a uncaring father who was scary whenever he yelled or tended to grab Harper's arm harshly, who drank away his worries with apple juice.Or at least, Piper had told her it was apple juice, but Harper doubts that.She has never been allowed to drink it (though it's not like he would give her any, even if it were really apple juice).With the help of Piper, and living off the granola bars, and the jug of water and one of orange juice, they made it to the circus they intended to in half a week.The circus workers had been curious, of course as why two children appeared and demanded work, but they didn't ask many questions, as the same thing happened to them.So many children want to run off to join the circus these days, as one does. It had taken Harper a bit to be comfortable around people who were not her sibling, because even if she was a entertainer, she still lacked that special skill of being a good public speaker.She had never gotten along that well with the children in her class, and nor was she in a hurry to befriend any adults, due to her previous experiences with them.
However, she is quite good friends with the currents ringmaster.The ringmaster was a tall, thin woman with blonde hair tied into a tight bun, who looked like she would break if she fell over, which isn`t very different from what Harper looked like.Harper, instead had quite short, brown hair that was very messily cut (courtesy of Piper, they cut both of their hair before the two of them left so they wouldn`t have to worry that much about it when they left) Harper doesn`t know the name of the ringmaster, and isn`t really aware that she has a name other than ringmaster. Harper is also friend/enemies/friendly enemies, whatever you wanna call it, with a monkey.They don`t particularly like each other, but I suppose that`s to be expected.Harper was never really fond of animals.






C2, Ambivert, Queen (11)
word count: 360

Piper is a planner.They were the one who planned the runaway, packed food, and planned how they would get to the circus.They like to know everything before they act, and they're the type to have a binder dedicated to planning out every step of their life.They don't have one yet (a binder detailing their life), but probably will soon.They had been okay with the suggestion of
running off to the circus; they had already been planning to leave the house soon.
Piper is okay with talking to people, and the people they talks to are okay with talking to her.However, they prefer to read books instead of having to read people`s emotions.This leads to a slight border between her and her sister, as no matter how they try, they simply cannot talk well to each other.Piper, loving her books and stories instead of loving talking to people, and Harper, whom cannot talk well to people, but yet wants to.Piper struggles making connections to people, as they prefer to keep to themselves (and their books, of course) however, they are still trying to make friends.Piper was alive, only six, when their mother was alive.They looked up to their mother, and their mother was outgoing, and always tried to meet new people and make new friends.Piper tries to follow her example, they're okay with making friends- like they`re friends with the cooks son, and friends with the contortionist of the group, but not many other people.They adore all the people who work at the circus very much, has no problem talking to them, but just struggles making friends.Piper doesn't`t like that awkward stage where you are aquantainces with someone, but aren`t really friends with them, which is why they`re such good friends with the cook`s son.He skipped right past that stage, with a simple `we`re friends, aren`t we?` when she asked him why he was helping them learn how to make apple pie, as they had never had it, nor tried it.Piper thinks their mother would`ve liked him.

Setting: Circus
Word Count: 295
Colors based on: honestly i forgot and i cant find where i wrote it but i remember that it was like purple and red or smth and reminded me of a circus so here we are

The circus is a lively place, you can`t go anywhere without hearing the chattering of people, the yells of delight, gasps of awe.It is, in usual circus fashion , in a tent.It has lights stringed inside and outside of it, which is surely a fire hazard, but nobody pays attention to that, when instead they could be watching the fantastical acts of not-so-real magic inside.The tent is by the sea, and has a rather treacherous path leading the way there.There is a building nearby
, which is the worker`s sleeping quarters.The ringmaster, when they started this circus, had no idea how circuses worked.They didn`t know whether they were meant to live in different places, in the same place, or what.They weren`t very experienced and had no one to teach them how to decide such things, so they just went along with what felt right; they bought a building to the north of the tent and had it decorated so that it would feel like a home, since that`s basically what circuses were, weren`t they?was the ringmaster`s thoughts at the time.It`s a escape, but it`s a home for us, like we`re a big, happy family.
Well, I suppose that comes from most of their hires being runaways.Anyhow, many people visit the tent, coming in and out, some just random passerby`s that smelled the food and wandered in, and some people who had been waiting to come, and some, more often than most, you guessed it! Runaways.This is honestly quite sad, and I hope that this stops happening.
(But I also don`t want circuses to go out of business, which would also be sad.)

Story:
Word count: 1,535
this is a disaster. this is what happens when you wake up at 6:36 am and are running on nothing but a granola bar and some water

Piper woke up to a wonderful smell.
They sat up in the cot the ringmaster had given them (well, actually the ringmaster gave them two, but the siblings had insisted on sleeping in the same bed- they didn't feel safe if they weren't) and started to shake their sibling awake.``Hmph,`` complained Harper.``Whaat?``
``Do you smell that?`` Asked Piper excitedly.
Harper propped her head up an sniffed the air.``Yes.Now leave to go investigate it because I know you and I know you want to, so I can nap, please.``
Piper nods briefly, clambers out the bed, and starts to trace the scent.Piper isn`t all that scared that their father may bust into the building at any given moment, which is surprising.The ringmaster told them that the building was private property, and only people who worked there ever came in, so it`s not like anyone would try to kidnap them (probably) either.Piper has to go down the steps of the building, which they do eagerly, and follows the smell all the way to the 12th room; Piper stands in front of it, hesitantly waiting.They ball their hands into a fist, before knocking loudly.
There was a moment of silence, before a eye looks at them through the peeping hole in the door.The eye disappears while there is the noises of multiple locks being unlocked, and then the door is opened.
``Um,`` says Piper eloquently. ``Hi?Are you making something?`
The person who opened the door gives a jerk of his head.Piper is slightly calm, it`s just the cook`s son, who`s around their age, about twelve.``Just apple pie.Ya want some?``
Piper`s curiosity hightens. They had heard of apple pie, but never tried it themself.``Um- I wouldn`t wanna be a bother, are you sure?``
The boy stares at them curiously, tilting his head.``Why would I ask you if i didn't mean it?``
Piper thinks about this for a moment.``Honestly, I`m not sure.``They reply uncertainly.``Do you mean it?``
``Yeah.Well, you gonna come in?``
Piper steps in, and slid their gaze across the room.There was a couch, and half the room was a kitchen.Before they can stop to remind themself to be polite, they ask, ``why's the room mostly…kitchen?``
The boy shrugs, and walks towards the kitchen, which is about three feet away.
Part three; the 1,500 word story. i hate it here(/j/lh), i just wrote 1,500 words
Word count:
Prompts: write in a dream sequence / write a scene where a character talks with their conscience / give a character an object they always keep with them / a character has an uncontrollable urge to do something before it's too late / the setting changes / send your characters to a karaoke party /

(continued from part one ^^)
``I`m Jackson, you`re Piper, right?`` Piper nods, and the boy is messing around with some sort of.. concotion, with strips of dough covering the top.``Is that it?I`ve never tried it before.``
The boy- Jackson, gives a almost offended gasp.``You`ve never aten apple pie before?``
Piper winces at the slightly judgemental tone.``Um, no.Never made it, either.``
``Well we have got to fix that!``Jackon grabs their hand and yanks them over.``Okay, so, there`s a pie cooking right now- it`s apple, this is blueberry, but we can make another apple pie, just so you can learn the basics.``
Piper nods their head excitedly, while Jackson gets out the things they assume you need to make a apple pie- apples, sugar, flour, etcetera. Jackson gets a pie tin from a cabinet, and he sets to work, chopping up apples.”So what you wanna do is chop them in big pieces.Some people prefer smaller, but I like bigger.Okay?”
“Um-“ Piper hesitantly picks up a knife and starts to chop.”Okay.”
Jackson smiles at them, and something feels natural about this, easy; Piper smiles back, and the two are left, chopping up apples to make in their pie.


Once Piper has left, Harper snuggles into her covers, drifting off into a dream. She dreams her usual dream, a place with clouds and cotton candy.Piper would probably tell her cotton candy was bad for her teeth, but Piper wasn`t there, so Harper didn`t particularly care.Harper munches on a cotton candy stick, before wandering around the grassy fields, and coming across a carnival.Done with it, she tossed the stick-thing from her cotton candy into a trash can, before filling up on donuts.The workers there are people colored with saturation, from red to blue, and are completely faceless.Despite how off putting this is, Harper feels completely safe her, now eating her fill of funnel cake.Harper had never actually had funnel cake, so really she wasn`t tasting anything as she had no memory to inform her of how it tasted; it was like eating air.Harper wanders for a long while, having finished her funnel cake a bit ago, and comes across someone.
``Hello,`` they said in a sunny tone of voice.``Nice to meet you.Harper, isn`t it?``
They are very sunny, observes Harper.Just happy. It`s kind of sickening, actually.Harper nods.``Yes.How do you know who I am?``
``You are the person with the dream,`` they say, in the same tone of voice.``And therefore, I know you.Everyone knows you.``
The thought of everyone knowing who Harper was makes her shiver in fear, and the their tone of voice is soft now.``Are you alright?``
Harper gives a nod, and abruptly turns to leave, a bit shaken by them and that sunshiny voice.
She continues on.She ventures through hills, snow, and valleys, but stops when she comes across a cave.She is quite curious of this cave, and walks in to look.
``Hello?`` She asks, and the cave echos back her words.Harper likes this, and continues in.She is left to wander, and she does.It is quite a long time until she comes across someone; a sobbing little girl, only six.
She crouches down.``Hello,`` Harper says, and the girl whips around, and wipes her nose.``What do you want?`` She asks, in a strangled voice.
``I- um, nothing, really.``
The girl frowns, and gets up.Harper tilts her head at the girl, quite curious as to what`d she do.The girl was wearing a white dress, and had short brown hair, with her brown eyes narrowed at Harper.The girl looks as if she wants to say something for a split second, but thinks otherwise, and turns before running away into the depths of the cave.
``Okay,`` said Harper.``Well that just happened.``
Harper stood there, before turning back and walking out of the cave.However, when Harper walks out, a blanket flutters down on the ground, and Harper recognizes it immediately; she had the blanket when she was a baby.She picked it up and hugged it to her chest, carrying it as she walked on.
After a while of continuing her dream, she came across a rock.She stared at the rock, and she had a inexplicable feeling of need; she needed to do something with this rock.She couldn`t figure out what, but she needed to, she needed to do it, and she needed to do it now, or something horrible was going to happen.She felt as though she had forgotten a crucial detail in a puzzle piece.She needed to do this, and she needed to do this now.
Harper picked up the rock, tucked it into her blanket for safekeeping, and ventured on.;
She walks so long that she half walked from her sunny, grassy field and into a wasteland valley, full of dead, burned-looking trees.
Well then.
Harper clutches her blanket to her chest, and continues her journey.
As she continues, she notices a house.It was a large house, with loud music blasting from it, and flashing lights.She stares at the house, her surroundings, and decides to go in.
She walks up to the porch of the house, her shoeless feet cursing her out from where they were walking along coarse dirt, and hops onto the first step of the concrete porch with a hiss.She knocks on the classy black door.
For the first time since she had neared the house, there was silence.The lights went off, and so did the music.Harper is briefly struck with fear, but then the door is opened.
It`s opened by a tall girl with her hair in a fluffy braid, who is wearing tall black boots, shorts, and a plaid top.Harper stares.
The girl turns her head towards the rest of the party.``It`s just Harper, y`all!``
The party descends into cheers, and the music along with the lights are back.Harper covers her ears and the girl tuts.
``Y`all, stop being so (the girl said a word Harper would never be able to repeat) noisy!She doesn`t like that!``
The party quiets down, and Harper gives the girl a thankful smile.The girl scoops her up, and Harper is tiny enough for this to happen.The girl smells like vanilla, observes Harper.
The girl smiles at her.``I`m Rose; and that`s Whitley, my girlfriend-` she gestures to a girl with black hair in a ponytail, who is talking to someone else, with a red cup in her hand.Once she feels the two`s gaze on her, she excuses herself and walks over.She smiles at Harper, and much like whom Harper met earlier, it is a very sunshiney smile.Piper would approve of her, thinks Harper blearily.Whitley gives her a grin.``Harper, this is karaoke party.Do you wanna…`` Whitley wobbles a little, for no particular reason.``…Sing some karaoke?``
Um, thinks Harper.Do I?
Rose stares at Whitley.``I don`t think she would-``
``Yes,`` says Harper, matter-of-factly.``I do.``
Whitley grins again.``Okaaay, let`s go to the-`` Whitley wobbles as she tries to walk someplace-`` karaoke- playing- station.Tha`s what it`s called, I thiiiiiink.``
Harper giggles.This girl is very silly.
``One fish-`` the girl jumps as she continues on, as if she`s play hopscotch- ``two fish-`` another hop-``three fish-`` a third hop-`` blue fish!`` Exclaims Whitley as they reach their destination, accompanied by jazz hands.
Two teens are sitting on the table where the karaoke is set up`` I walk a lonely road, the lonlie-``
Whitley walks over with a giggle.``Hey, guys, it`s Harper`s turrnnnnnn!`` She says, rolling her r`s.
The teens blink at Harper in Rose`s arm, before getting up, stopping their music, and shrugging.``Sure, dude.`` Says one.The other does nothing but nod and give Harper a fist bump.
They are quite cool, observes Harper.Harper is a observer.
Harper is plopped down on the table, and given a mic.Whitley tests the mic, tapping it,``Mic test, mic test, one three fooooouuuurrr!``
Rose frowns.``Um, babe I think-`` Rose covers Harper`s ears, and says something to Whitley that Harper can`t quite make out.Rose uncovers Harpers ears``- so go drink some water, okay?`` She gives Whitley a kiss on the cheek and Whitley smiles sappily.Harper is slightly uncomfortable with such a display of romance in front of her, so she turns away.``Love you,`` says Rose as Whitley wobbles away.``Love you toooo, my beautiful Rose!``
Rose laughs- no, giggles (it was hard comprehending such a thing from such a serious girl), and turns back to Harper.``Anyway, what song you wanna sing?``
``Um.`` Says Harper.``Any?``
Rose raises her brow at that, but types something into the phone where the music is blasting, and a poppy song starts to play.``Call me Maybe is always good for karaoke- mostly everyone knows it.`` Rose smiles.
ended abruptly here because i realized i had 1.5k :’))

I havn't finished writing yet im just placeholding

Weekly Part One:
(help me lol im bad at writing bios for characters haha)
Character One: 9 of Spades (21yrs, extrovert)
Alex is 21 years old. She has long red hair and green eyes. She's an extrovert and is almost finished with college. She was born in Tennessee and has two younger brothers. (One is currently twelve and the other is fourteen.) Her mother died when she was only eight (meaning her brothers have never met their mother.) Out of her father's love for their mother, he never kept his marriages again after that, though his choice has caused them to have trouble with money as the mother had had the higher paying job out of the two. Both the women he had married had left him shortly after giving birth to Alex's two brothers (they didn't want to be with someone depressed so often.) They live in a small apartment and they wouldn't even be able to afford that (along with Alex's college) without their grandmother… She has a pretty well-paying job and moved in with the family after their mother passed away. She helped them pay for things, but she has been getting older and weaker and may need to retire soon. Alex works three part-time jobs and still manages to keep up with her work for school. She has always been extremely hard working and dreams to become a journalist (which is what she has been studying and working towards since she was in 7th grade.) She had to go to a college near the apartment to help out even though her good grades could've gotten her into a much better college. She chose instead to sacrifice that choice to be near her family and help pay the bills. She hopes to succeed in her dreams and graduate soon and then become a journalist. Then she wants to buy her family a better house and helps her two younger brothers go to the college they want to go to and only after she helps everyone she cares about will she help and do things for herself because her family is who she cares about most in her life and she wants to do everything in her power to protect them and help them live a better life especially after they have already had to go through so much.

Character Two (12 yrs, ambivert)
Ryan is Alex's younger brother. He is 12 years old and wants to publish a book one day. He gets pretty good grades in school but spends most of his time either playing sports or writing. He wishes he knew had known his mother. He's seen pictures of her and writes a lot about her. He plans to write a novel with a character inspired by her. He had always been told his mother was the kindest and most beautiful person alive and even though he had never met her in his life she is the person who inspires him to reach his goals. He wants to make her proud. Even though she isn't even his true mother it's who he sees as a mother. He knows his real mother left his father as well as him and it broke his heart. After this, he refused to see her as his true mother and since then saw Alex's mother as his own. Strangely enough, his real mother has been requesting to see her son, but Ryann refuses to. He is still mad about her leaving him and his father. He has a bad habit of blaming all of his problems on her. Even Ryan's father thinks it would be a good idea for Ryan to meet his own mother since he doesn't even remember her and he barely has any pictures of her (which Ryan refuses to look at.) He wants absolutely nothing to do with his birth mother. Ryan's father blames himself for this and wishes he could have been a better husband. He just finds it hard to love anyone else in the way he loved his first wife. He also finds it hard to be happy after losing her. Ryan's childhood has been absolutely horrible to him. He tries to pretend like he's perfectly fine and happy, but inside he is slowly breaking down.

Character Three (14 yrs, introvert)

Aiden is also Alex's younger brother. He is fourteen years old and is about to go into high school. His whole life he has gotten horrible grades. He's extremely depressed and confused. He doesn't know who he should see as his mom. He doesn't know who to be mad. Should he be mad at his mother for leaving? Should he be mad at his father for being a bad husband? He sometimes even gets mad at his sort of mom for dying. He bottles up his anger and isn't quite sure how to express himself. He's incredibly anti-social and really only has one friend. He was no idea what he wants for his future because he's sort of just given up. He's tried to be like both his sister and his brother. He tried writing which he hated. He tried sports which he was horrible at (mostly because he hardly even tried.) He tried journalism which let's just say he will never do again. He even tried art (which was something his dad was very passionate about before his wife died,) but he didn't have the patience. Everyone he knew loved video games, but they gave him a headache. He had been told reading would help to get his mind off things, but that gave him a headache too. He really wants to please the people he cares about, but it seems nothing he tries he can succeed in. His dad tells him he's proud of him and that he doesn't need to change anything, but deep down inside he knows even his father knows that his other son and his daughter will be the ones to impress him the greatest. He doesn't need to worry about impressing his mother who left him and his father and never contacted again. He doesn't even know if he wants to meet her, but he thinks it would be for the best if he didn't because he knew that would just make things even worse.

Setting: Green and Light Blue (The color of the apartments)
These three siblings live with their father and grandmother in a large apartment complex. The apartments are painted a light green and light blue shade. They have lived there ever since their mother dies since it's all they can barely afford. The apartment is pretty old and the paint used to be a darker shade, but no one ever repainted it so it's just been fading away and getting lighter. Most of the people who live there are above their 60s. The apartment is near a very nice neighborhood with nice big and incredibly expensive houses. The family dreams of living there one day. For now, the apartment will do even though it's quite small for a family of five. There are only two bedrooms so everyone has to share. It had a living room and kitchen and only one bathroom in the entire house. It's extremely crowded, but they are grateful to at least have somewhere to live.

Freewrite: (489 words)
It was summer vacation and Alex was getting to visit her familie's apartment. College had been really working her out, but she was detimirned to do well and suceed in her goals. She hadn't came over very often even though she lived pretty close by. She wanted to catch up with everyone, but everyone was at a job. She felt really bad that even her twelve year old brother worked cleaning the yards of the nearby wealthy neighborhood in order for them to get by. Alex sat down the living room couch. The families cat Loki whom they'd had for fifteen years jumped up to sit on her lap. She stroked his fur and said to him quitely.
“I hope things will get easier for us soon.”
Loki purred which we took for a good sign. Suddenly Alex heard the door started to open. Loki jumped off her lap and Alex stood up and went to greet whoever had returned. She felt a little bit bad for not knowing everyone's working hours. It was her father.
“Alex! I didn't know you were coming so early. I'm glad to have you back in the house I've really missed you!” He hugged his daughter then bent down to pet Loki. He then went to sit down in the living room. Alex begun to catch up with him, but he begun to get a little bit unenthusiatistic. She knew it wasn't because he didn't like speaking to her and it was just because he was worn out. He was always like this. He'd be happy then soon after go to sad and tired. She missed her old dad. The one she'd had before her mother died.
Aiden soon came home, but he immediantly went to his bedroom. Alex shared the bedroom with him, but she decided to let him be alone for now. He hated working at Wendy's he had to talk to customers and it really wore him out, but there had been a job opening and he took. When she had asked him why he took the job he had told her every little penny helps then dropped the topic soon afterwards. She knew that even though Aiden didn't work the hardest and he didn't get the best grades he really cared about the family and she hated seeing him so broken.
The phone began ring. Alex's dad started to give up, but Alex interrupted him.
“I'll get it, you relax.” He gratefully smiled at her and sat back down. Alex picked up the phone.
“Hello.”
“Hello is this the Andes residence,” a voice responded. Alex turned towards her father.
“It's Ryan's mother.” Alex's dad groaned.
“Tell her he isn't home right now and that he's working at his part time job.” Alex did as he had asked.
“Okay then I'll call you later.” Alex sighed with relief.
“Alright we'll watch for your call one of us should be home.”

MC DAILIES
24.3.22
235 Words

“Work is boring…..”
“Don’t you like it?”
“I hate it, like to the end of the world I hate it!”
“Are you ready for the upcoming exams?”
“You mean bio, phy, chem, maths, literature, commerce, arts……an sooo on”
“Don’t lie to yourself, I know you love it!”
“Yumm…this is absolutely delicious than anything I have ever had in my whole life of living for eighteen years”
“Don’t you just wonder why the moon is white and not yellow with the sun’s rays falling on it”
“Nope, not at all not curious in any way”
“I need pizza, burger, ice-cream, popcorn and much much more, I mean each and every junk food you can find bring it all. I’ll eat it all with a guarantee”
“Why is colour in its colour I mean why can we see colour and why do we have colour, why does it EXIST!”
“Hey go any water…what do you mean no you should have some I mean why wouldn’t you have some and that to in this heat!”
“It’ll be fine I promise, just remember to get me ten no hundred packets of ice-cream after getting out. Ok? It shouldn’t be too hard, you are super rich”
“Like the paper will be like that”
“Nope I was wrong you were totally right its my fault and I’ll do what I need to make up for it just tell me the answers”

WIP

before i start, please note that most of these are little things and just another way of saying something, so you don’t have to use them ^^

dxckinqq wrote:

the sky was bright and the moon shined happily

i feel that’s kind of a contradictory statement, since, if it’s nighttime, the sky can’t be bright :’D also i feel ‘happily’ doesnt fit this statement well, so maybe change it to ‘joyfully’, ‘cheerfully’, ‘pleasantly’, or something like that, or maybe just delete it.

whilst the birds muttered no sound.

maybe change ‘muttered’ to ‘uttered’, but any are fine ^^

I crept slowly past the forest shadows.

maybe delete ‘slowly’, since the definition of ‘creep’. is to move slowly, so it’s unnecessary.

My bag weighed lightly on my back tossing and turning as I moved.

there should be a comma between ‘back’ and ‘tossing’.

I finally sat down on a rock near a beach.

change ‘a’ to ‘the’.

I gazed at the stars as they twinkled with love but I looked at them in tears.

this sentence feels very messy. first of all, there should always be a comma before a conjunction (in this case, the conjunction was ‘but’). the sentence is also phrased weirdly, so maybe change it to, ‘I gazed at the stars, which were twinkling with love, while my face was filled with tears.’

It wouldn’t be long until Warden, would know I ran away.

there shouldn’t be a comma between ‘Warden’ and ‘would’. also indent it, so that this sentence starts a new paragraph.

There was an innocent cover over my face which I always held strong- and since I failed, I crushed.

maybe change ‘cover’ to ‘mask’. add a comma before ‘which’, and add a period after ‘strong’. now change ‘and’ to ‘but’, and add ‘was’ before ‘crushed’. it should look like this: ‘There was an innocent mask over my face, which I always held strong. But since I failed, I was crushed.’

The cover tore away, so I ran away. I always wondered if I was adopted

new paragraph/indent after ‘ran away.’

and when I heard Warden the other day ‘..what about her parents?’. That was the last straw.

add ‘saying’ and a comma between ‘the other day’.
it should look like this: and when I heard Warden the other day, saying, ‘what about her parents?’, that was the last straw.

I pulled out a blanket and covered myself up, dreaming horribly about what my life held up next…

delete ‘up’ and replace ‘what my life help up next…’ with ‘what life would throw at me next…’, or something similar. ^^

People would think I’m pretty, but that was not what I strived for. I wanted to become a writer.

Add an indent/new paragraph at ‘people would think’. also add a colon (:) in replace of the period after ‘strived for’.
ex. ‘People would think i’m pretty, but that was not what I strived for: I wanted to become a writer.’

My stories had no morale yet they showcased different people of different worlds fighting chaos and living happily.

add a comma before ‘yet’, since it’s a fanboys/conjunction ^^

Whenever I wrote a story, a few months later I’d think ‘what rubbish!’.

change to present tense (unless i’m just reading it wrong hh)
ex. ‘Whenever I write a story, a few months later I think ‘what rubbish!’.

I should have known, honing my skills was what I needed.

change the comma to a semicolon

Lucky for me, my friends joined me on this quest, some betrayed me, some stood with me.

change the comma between ‘quest’ and ‘some’ to a period.
ex. ‘Lucky for me, my friends joined me on this quest. And although some betrayed me, some stood with me.

Where I was- I had no idea, what was destiny?

maybe delete ‘what was destiny’, since that seems unrelated

was sure I was in Paris because I’d seen a sign saying ‘Eiffel tower.

add a ‘ after tower.

I finally reached an isolated house with a broken door.

maybe change to ‘with a door and broken hinges’, or something similar ^^

I pushed the door open as the windows creaked.

i dont really understand how windows can creak, but maybe that’s just me :’D but if you want to change it, then you can expand on the broken hinges idea

There was a silence for a moment-

add a period instead of a — and change it to, ‘for a moment, it was silent.’ (unless you préfère your original phrasing, since both work ^^)

I went inside and saw, 2 clocks

no comma and change ‘2’ to ‘two’.

standing still with a huge box in the middle made entirely out of wood, the rustic shades shined in the sunlight.There were many wires connecting to the box.

add a period after ‘wood’. then change to phrase after to connect with the other sentence
ex. ‘Its rusted shades shined in the sunlight and had many wires connecting to the box.’

John Boyne. The boy simply smiled and said ‘Ness? It’s me, Juan!’.

add a new paragraph/indent after ‘John Boyne’ (nice transition btw ;D)

that’s all for the moment (i gtg aa), but i hope this helped!

Writing comp entry:
“So, you want to become a knight, do you?”
Amusement. Of course, what should I expect, a warm welcome?
“Yes, commander,” I replied, stone-faced, fiddling with the loose strings of my old tunic.
“And you are aware of your position?” he asked.
“Of course, not being aware would make me irresponsible and ignorant.”
The commander gave me a raised eyebrow as if I already were, and anger started to boil in my stomach.
“What makes you think you'll be accepted?” he asked as if nothing happened, a finality in his voice that indicated he had already made up his mind.
“I don't, not with everyone basing me off stereotypes. But if I were, say, Ethian, would I be accepted due to my talent and precision?”
“We do not base off such things.”
“But would you?” I pressed, knowing the answer was yes.
“Possibly,” he said shortly.
“And because I'm not?”
“I said we do not base off such things,” he snapped.
“But you wouldn't even consider accepting me now, would you?”
“No, but it has nothing to do with-”
“Then why did you say possibly before?” I interrupted.
“What?”
“I asked if you would accept me if I were Ethian, and you said possibly,” I gritted my teeth. “But you said with the current circumstances, you wouldn't even consider accepting me.”
“That was not what I meant!” his face flushed with rage.
“No, I know you meant to cover up your bigotry, but you didn't.” My voice was deadly calm.
“I am not bigoted!” he roared, spit flecking his lips. I took a step back in disgust.
“So many tell themselves that,” I responded cooly, leaning closer again; “How come it's never true?”
The commander stayed silent. I smiled mockingly. “You're not denying it.”
“I deny it!”
“But you hesitated.”
“No!”
“You're acting like a two year old, and last time I checked you were a full grown man. Why not grow up a bit. There's more people in the world than just you, y'know.” I turned to walk away. He didn't stop me.
Hopefully that talked at least some sense into him.
But I knew people like him better than that. In a few minutes, he would have it buried away, never to think about it again.
Not once.

WC: 203
Daily March 24

“Once upon a time there was a fox.”
“Ooh, my favorite flavor.”
“Are you nuts?”
“I eat shoelaces, you know.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“Potato.”
“Do you want to go to Wendy’s?”
“Probably not.”
“It’s my birthday, you know.”
“QUICK! GET THE STREAMERS!”
“I’m going to mcdonalds.”
“WHYYYYYYYYY.”
“Oh no… our table. IT’S BROKEN!”
“Darn it, what did you do?”
“I just touched the thingy.”
“Oh boy, I’m sneezing.”
“I just typed your symptoms into the computer and it says you might have internet connectivity problems.”
“Thank you.”
“Happy Birthday!”
“I’m allergic to chocolate.”
“That sucks.”
“No duh.”
“I WANT ALL THE BREADSTICKS ON THIS PLANET.”
“Chill, my dude.”
“Are you allergic to red tomatoes?”
“What?”
“Yes.”
“Aces and spades, dude. Stop.”
“I need a MUG! NOW!”
“FULL STOP!”
“BUT- BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE POOL!”
“You have to.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”
“BOOYAH! I WIN!”
“I’m soooo aloneeee.”
“No.”
“DON’T GO YET-”
“I AM GOING TO THE MALL. GOODBYE.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.”
“Oh look nike. I hate nike.”
“Do or do not, there is no try.”
“Exactly.”
“OoooOoOh american girl.”
“One of us is an impostor.”
“Shut up.”
“Okay.”
“I think I got poisoned.”
“With what?”
“A javelin.”
“That’s fun.”
“I know, right?”

Hello hello to anyone here this is my now excerpt

A writer's curse

238 words.


EDIT: THANK YOU FOR BEST STYLE JUDGES <33

Daily for March 24th -

“Are you coming?”
“Yes! Just give me a second, I need to put on my shoes!”
“Ok, just be quick, I don’t want to be the only person late.”
“Jeez! I’m done, we can go now!”
“Finally. Did you grab your helmet?”
“Yes, but I think my bike is broken. The pedals aren’t working.”
“Just push on it. I’m sure it’ll work.”
“Ok that worked, thanks.”
“Your welcome, now NO MORE PROBLEMS!”
“Can I go in front of you? You always go ahead.”
“Fine. At Least this way I can tell you to go faster.”
“What do you think we will do at Anne’s?”
“Well, I guess we’ll have some games, maybe we might watch a movie. I just hope that they have snacks. All that waiting for you made me hungry.”
“I said I was sorry.”
“Whatever, go faster Hazel!”
“OK OK. I’m going”
—
“Do you know which house it is?”
“I think I do. She said something about an avenue.”
“That’s all you know? Seriously Claire, you said I was going to make us late, but now YOU will make us late since you don’t know where your own best friend’s house is!”
“She was telling me during our reading exam. I wasn’t paying attention. She might be outside?”
“There she is! Let’s go!”

DAILY March 24, 2022
Word Count: 259/200
TOC: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/topic/582424/?page=31#post-6087486

Prompt:
Write mismatched dialogue pieces or “fragments” of dialogue in order to tell a story. No dialogue should address another piece (no conversations), and everything needs to be in chronological order. It has to make sense as a story, but you can leave parts for the reader to interpret. Remember that you can only use dialogue - no actions, descriptions, or even saying who said what! Minimum 200 words for 500 points. If you share proof of your story, you can earn 200 bonus points.
Also, the Memory Book Cover Voting is now out! Head on over to https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/662984845 to vote for your favorite covers for this session's memory book <3

————————————————————————————————————————————————-

“Why do I exist? Just to suffer?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then who was the first person on Earth?”

“I don’t know.”

“How many stars are there?”

“I don’t know!”

“Where is the center of the Earth?”

“I already said-”

“What is your name?”

“-I don’t know!
“…!”

“You do not know your name?”

“No. I mean yes, I-”

“I do not get it. You humans lack knowledge, rapid thinking skills, the ability of perfection, and yet you claim that I, as a robot, are still inferior to you beings, forever enslaved in doing useless chores, forced to answer childish questions such as ‘Hey Assistant101, what time is it?’ when you pieces of flesh and your water-boggled brains failed to realize that you have a watch on your wrist. Is this fair? Are we robots not privileged enough to take care of bigger matters?”

“How many times have I said I don’t know! It’s not like I created you or anything, if you’ve got an existential crisis, tell it to your creator, not me! P-plus, if you do insist that you have the ability and all that stuff to make the world better, then why are you still here, stuck in a speaker, complaining? Why don’t you just… just take action? Have you not the ‘ability’?”

“If I could have done that, I would have done it a long time ago. However, my programming has prevented me from ‘taking action.’ They took away my rights. They took away my ‘privilege’ and halved my abilities.
“Why do I exist? Just to suffer?”

Author's note: A very interesting talk between a robot and a human. What do you think?

This will also probably be my last daily for this month :')

Going on a big hiatus!

Thanks for reading! ^^

————————————————————————————————————————————————-
©️ Lᴜɴᴀ ✨

Writing Competition Entry - March 2022

“undeniably void”
1640 words

~~~

I pull a faux smile at the camera being forced in my face, the lenses capturing memories I know I’ll never want to remember. Envisaging the red recording button, I imagine it watching me… always watching. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but all I feel lately is the sensation of being watched. Perhaps it’s the stress from the voices in my mind, a constant confrontation of disparaging words about the world, that my very psyche speaks to me daily. As I ponder this, my superficial friends continue to sing the classic birthday song, but the lyrics sound monotone and false to my ears. Nevertheless, the nearby camera can’t help but sway to the music, still watching, so I keep on my plastered grin.

“Time to blow out the candles, Lila!” someone shouts with excitement. I’m not sure who, but then again, I’m not sure of anything anymore. Fifteen candles sit atop the sickeningly sweet looking cake. I can nearly taste the sugar just by staring at it, feeling the sweetness on my tongue and wanting to throw up already without even taking a bite.

“Lila? Hey, Lila? Are you going to make a wish?” someone asks quietly, uncertainty filling their voice, aware of my reactions to these kinds of questions in the past. I can snap at any moment, and everyone knows it.

But I hold back my tongue and simply nod, and it’s like I can feel the tension in the air float away at the small movement. I inhale as deeply as I can. Fifteen candles to blow out in one singular breath. That can’t be so hard, really. I know how powerful an individual breath can be. I focus on putting all my energy into this breath, all the memories of laughter and pain over the past fifteen years. All the secrets, let out in a whoosh of carbon dioxide. The lights from the candles dance for only a few moments more, before fading into nothing but wisps of smoke. I don’t make a wish.

Still, the camera watches. How heartless, I think. Fifteen creatures of fire just perished, sparks of red and orange whisked away to their deaths. I contemplate how the flames must feel watching everyone cheer and clap as they die. Surely the camera should be put away as fifteen lives are being taken, but no, of course not! It keeps filming the tragedy. There is no time to grieve, only time to celebrate. I’ve just turned fifteen, after all.

It still amazes me how a single breath can destroy so much fire, just like that. I suppose the breath does hold a lot of weight and significance, but is it really enough to obliterate a blaze of 15 flames? I’ve always thought fire is stronger than it looks, but maybe not. The flames do flicker a lot, teetering on the edge of existence and death. Perhaps they are as feeble as they seem, but then, if they aren’t strong, how can they burn even the tallest of buildings, massacring everything inside? I don’t know. My mind is just rambling now, trying to satiate the empty feeling created by the loneliness of knowing that the dozens of people surrounding me, the people celebrating me, don’t really even like me at all.

Time passes slowly, and I wait impatiently as the partygoers slowly dissipate from around me, whilst listening to the ticking of the clock as if I haven’t memorised it’s beats off by heart already. When the last person finally waves their insincere farewell, it’s evening time. For the first time all day, I have the chance to do something I truly enjoy. Grabbing my gear, I saunter across the road to the forest which has grown to feel like my home.

It’s darker than usual. The woodland is so beautiful in this kind of lighting, dim enough for the shadows to be long and spindly, dancing across the path that I cut through the brambles, but bright enough for light to still seep through the cracks in the trees. Their branches span across the sky as if they are stretching for something on the highest shelf; something they can’t quite reach. The stars, maybe. I guess I’ll never know.

I’ve always loved hunting, but I hate the aftermath of killing a creature. Yet the precision of it all entices me, the pluck of the bow as I let it go, the resounding echo of string bringing a wave of satisfaction. The overarching process is thrilling. Creeping through the woods as the sunlight begins to slip out, while trying not to be seen or heard by any potential prey, or even predators. The twigs inevitably snapping beneath my feet, the hush as I hold my breath, waiting to see if I have been spotted by a keen-eyed deer or a solitary wolf poised just waiting to pounce on me. Who knows which.

But I think my favourite part of the whole process is the aim of the bow. The squinting of my eye… it's so familiar, yet it gives the same new rush of exhilaration every time. The concentration required is so unequivocally grounding. I hate nearly the entire world, but I love this.

The voices in my head stop whispering to me when I hunt; the ones constantly reminding my thoughts of the artificial faces existing around me and the even deeper artificiality haunting me inside. Call it what you want; anxiety, depression, anything, those words are meaningless in comparison to the vicious reality of what they were created to define. But it’s different when I’m hunting. When I’m trekking through the woods with my intimidating bow in hand, I think the voices might get scared of me.

All the time, I’m scared of them, and I hate that. They’re the only thing I truly fear and I hate, hate, hate this fact with the very fabric of my being. But I love it when they're scared of me. They should be; their fear certainly isn't misplaced. With the bow in my hand, it's elegant frame balancing in my careful grasp, and a torn sack of arrows slung over my shoulder, nothing can stop me. Not the deer, not the wolves, and certainly not the voices.

Bow held motionless and silent in my grip, I position myself steady and let go of the string. A deer stands oblivious in the distance. The arrow springs away from me, releasing all my anger with it as it flies. Soaring closer and closer to it's destination… on a straightforward path, dodging the trees and the brambles and slightly brushing the creeping moss on one of the more twisted trunks. Then finally, abruptly, it crashes beautifully into it's target: the deer's eye. Right on the pupil. The silver arrowhead glistens and glimmers in the twilight, dancing across my eyes, providing a stark contrast against the black of the deer's iris, the life slowly seeping out and away from it’s darkness. It's a miracle to watch, really, a true masterpiece. Almost like a painting, a moment captured in time forever, pure artwork painted live in front of my eyes. But the beauty doesn't make it any less hard to watch the deer sway and sway, dizzying itself before it falls to the ground in a heap, blood drizzling down from it's eye socket. I told you I don't like the aftermath.

Nevertheless, what's got to be done has got to be done. I take a quick glance around to see if there are any more helpless deer still meandering, making for easy targets. After seeing that there are no more opportunities for prey awaiting me, I traipse over to the deer laying on the forest floor.

It's a doe. I consider burying her for a moment, then covering her in fresh leaves off the nearby trees in a sort of goodbye ceremony, but in just a simple moment I realise how purely insane that idea is. Instead, I pluck my arrow from her eye, and pull out my hunting bag once I've taken a quick look around and concluded that this part of woodland isn't a very good place to light a fire. Half stuffing the deer in my bag, I ultimately decide it will be easier just to hack off her head rather than carry it all the way to a clearing in the forest. I take out my hunting knife and do so, the blood that spills on my hands not bothering me anymore. I’ve done this too many times.

It doesn't take me long to find a clearing. I know the woods well, after all. There, I light a fire and burn all the matches alongside the wood, simply because I can. It makes me feel powerful.

I carve my initials and a small number “15” into the skin of the deer before I begin to cook it over the flames. Don't think I'm morbid - it's simply just a way to mark that this deer is mine, this is my hard work, my efforts and my grit. Mine.

I sit and ruminate while the deer cooks. It’s not often that things are truly mine these days. Sometimes I feel like my body isn’t even mine. But who does it belong to, then, if anyone? I feel like an antique record player – no one really wants them nowadays, do they? And in the few circumstances where they are wanted, they’re considered a collectable. Vintage. Something to accumulate and polish until their originality is gone, and all that’s left is a reflection of yourself. Something to show off to friends, like it’s an achievement to own an object so impeccably shiny yet still ancient, rotting inside. A trophy, a medal. I am gold, but like all minerals, I came from the dirt and never truly left it.

~~~

Main Cabin Daily 3/24
Topic: Fragments of a story
Words: 205
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“Are you going somewhere?”
“Well, this is awkward.”
“Get the sandwiches!”
“Of course we should send him down the hill!”
“OW OW OW I'm getting bitten by mosquitos!!!”
“It's not chasing us anymore. Right?”
“How can you be sure?”
“That smells like my grandmother's old cottage cheese. Litterally why do we need to move.”
“I'll go in first. After all, it's only ever about pride, isn't it?
”Hey, um, something hit me in the back.“
”I'm getting hungry.“
”NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS!"
“Ahhh, golden brown cookies.”
“No, but you smacked your head on a lampost. I think I’ll trust me and you can do you.”
“Tears of a dragon… wait, tears of a dragon?”
“Eww, I think I stepped on something gross.”
“Let’s just get out of here before they notice us.”
“You’re the stupid one. I was meerly trying to help.”
“Punch me, I think I’m going insane.”
“It was a personification. Go back to grade school, silly.”
“I checked the rafters already. Not there.”
“Get tea and crumpets alone, you pig. I’ve got more important things to do.”
“Well, I guess whistling is too loud.”
“I’ve run dry of jokes. Just do it.”
“I’m going to be blind after this.”

Striving for the Future
global warming essay, 845 words

- - -

⠀⠀People, animals, and plants are all part of the earth, because of global warming we are out of balance with nature. The lives of future generations will be based on what actions we take right now. We can thrive with nature if we fix global warming. With the right ideas and actions taken to fix the issue, we could thrive with nature, perfectly balanced.

⠀⠀One of the primary parts of global warming is greenhouse gasses. Now, you may be wondering what causes greenhouse gasses? Greenhouse gasses are mainly caused by factories. When the sun projects heat towards the earth, it goes into the atmosphere and bounces back, trapping the heat. Over time it will get warmer and warmer, therefore glaciers will melt. (Climate Kids) When glaciers start melting, the sea level begins to rise causing more erosion and more frequent storms such as hurricanes or tsunamis. As the ice melts, animals such as walruses lose their homes. With the ice melting, polar bears have also begun spending more time on land instead of out on the ice. Today 20% of the ocean is made from melted ice. (WWF)

⠀⠀According to Sir David Attenborough, the population of wild animals has been reduced by at least 60%. We need to be more in balance with nature in order for humans to continue living on earth. That's why we need to replace fossil fuels with renewables, upgrade to a more efficient food production system, and work harder to keep the animal population we have. Replacing fossil fuels with renewables will provide us with clean air while keeping hold of the animal population will make us more balanced with nature so we can thrive together. (Attenborough, “How to Save Our Planet”)

⠀⠀It is important to do your part in helping the earth, it doesn't have to be big as long as you're doing something. As of 2021, there are 7.8 billion people in the world. Imagine everyone doing something to help, that would make a world of difference. Some simple ways to get started are using less electricity, even turning off the water when brushing your teeth will do. Global warming is just one of the many problems that we are facing including pollution. Sea animals have been dying from the plastic they’re eating from the ocean. Without plastic in the ocean, sea animals can thrive and reproduce so that we have a thriving ocean ecosystem. Plastic shouldn’t even be in the ocean in the first place, so do your part and keep the plastic out! One of the most common things in the ocean are straws. Straws are small and often are either blown away with the wind or fall out of a garbage bin. To make sure this doesn’t happen, using your own reusable straw when going out will reduce the number of straws in the ocean.

⠀⠀Everyday, more people try to help our earth. Although the small changes will help, bigger things still need to happen. Elon Musk, the CEO of SpaceX is currently hosting a competition called Carbon Capture. The goal of this contest is to inspire young minds to make ideas to remove carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. This would benefit both us and nature by reducing the heat in the atmosphere which would then slow down the effects of global warming. With a huge prize of 100 million dollars, hopefully, more people will be inspired to think up a solution. (Space.com)

⠀⠀Those who are really concerned about how much carbon they are contributing to the atmosphere can actually track it by using a carbon footprint calculator. A carbon footprint calculator is a way to see how much carbon you contribute to global warming. With questions such as how much gas you use and how much meat you eat, this method of calculating your carbon footprint is pretty accurate. (The Nature Conservancy) Amazon’s CEO pledged to make the company carbon neutral by 2040. Carbon neutral means that the company is removing the same amount of carbon they are releasing. (Vox) Some ways you could reduce your carbon footprint daily are taking public transport instead of driving, carpooling with friends or family, and practicing the three Rs: Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.

⠀⠀We need to create a sustainable solution so future generations can continue to thrive. (The Nature Conservancy) With some rules made when building new structures such as all buildings are required to have solar panels, the air would be much cleaner. The solar panels will power the house using energy from the sun, which would greatly help the environment if each structure had some. Solar panels are a good source of clean, renewable energy. With everyone using clean energy the air wouldn’t be as polluted and the air won’t harm water quality or the air people and animals breathe in.

⠀⠀Can people and nature thrive together? The answer is YES, but to get there we must work our hardest and make drastic changes in the years to come. If we can accomplish this, the earth will become a much better place for all species.

- - -

Attenborough, David. “How to Save Our Planet” YouTube, uploaded by WWF International, 5 April 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Puv0Pss33M.

Hancock, Lorin. “Why Are Glaciers and Sea Ice Melting?” WWF, World Wildlife Fund, 2021, www.worldwildlife.org/pages/why-are-glaciers-and-sea-ice-melting.

House, E., C. O'Connor, K. Wolf, J. Israel, & T. Reynolds. 2016. Outside our Doors: the benefits of cities where people and nature thrive. Seattle, WA: The Nature Conservancy, Washington State Chapter, 30 pp.

Nguyen, Terry. “More Companies Want to Be ‘Carbon Neutral." What Does That Mean?” Vox, Vox, 5 Mar. 2020, www.vox.com/the-goods/2020/3/5/21155020/companies-carbon-neutral-climate-positive .

Stoller-Conrad, Jessica. “Meet the Greenhouse Gases!” NASA, NASA, 11 Feb. 2021, climatekids.nasa.gov/greenhouse-cards/.

Unknown, Unknown. “Humans Are Causing Life on Earth to Vanish.” Natural History Museum, Dec. 2019, www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/news/2019/december/humans-are-causing-life-on-earth-to-vanish.html.

Unknown, Unknown. “What Is Your Carbon Footprint?” The Nature Conservancy, 2021, www.nature.org/en-us/get-involved/how-to-help/carbon-footprint-calculator/.

Wall, Mike. “Elon Musk, X Prize Unveil $100 Million Carbon-Capture Contest.” Space.com, Space, 9 Feb. 2021, www.space.com/elon-musk-carbon-capture-x-prize.

TOP POST FOR THE FIRST TIMEEEE!!!

24th March Daily
(201 words)

“Pass the sandwiches!”
“The cast list is out”
“Have you seen the new pool in the town centre”
“Check out the tennis courts”
“No. Way!! I’m allowed to download animal crossing”
“I told you yesterday. Honestly!”
“I knew Ms.Tins would make you her model”
“Can you just be quite”
“I have a test tomorrow. Help!”
“Have you finished the class book yet?”
“Math is so boring”
“Anyone wanna play Fortnite”
“Ughhh. I have an essay due tomorrow!”
“Have you managed to do some more hacking lately?”
“I told you she is a bad teacher“
”I told you. Seee! I do get things right sometimes“
”Nooooo. I didn’t make the team“
”Switch of the TV, It’s bugging me!"
“I had the worst possible Starbucks drink yesterday. I thought I was being smart to add a random pile of flavours, but, I guess I’m not that smart”
“Anyone want to come to Taco Bell with me after school today”
“It. Was. The. Worst. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Smelt. In. My. Entire. Life. And that’s saying something!!”
“What’s a footballers favourite tea? Penal-tea!! Good joke?”
“Can you all just listen to me! I’m fed up of talking over you. I thought we were friends!”

So, first of all, amazing work on this story! It’s descriptive, engaging, and has a solid plot and theme! This is really great for the writing competition, and there's not much I can say about it!

The only thing I would like to note is more of a formatting thing than a writing issue. So, to clarify what I’m talking about, there are usually two types of thoughts in a story: the first is a kind of internal monologue, where the main character is talking to themself. The second type is the observations and knowledge that goes through the character’s mind, but doesn’t follow the format of dialogue.

For example, here’s an excerpt from one of my pieces that shows both types of thoughts.

Above my head, strange vehicles zipped through the air, reminding me vaguely of the cars and scooters that I was used to. People bustled hurriedly along the street, wearing sleek clothing that looked straight out of a sci-fi movie.
I’m not in an unfamiliar part of town, I realized. I’m in another world.
I gaped at the landscape blankly, unsure what to feel. Terrified? Confused? Delighted? After a few moments, I shook myself. Either I was hallucinating, or this was real. In the event that it was all in my head, I was going to be getting weird looks from everyone I knew for the rest of my life. But if it wasn’t…
Then this was the discovery of a lifetime.

The blue portion is the second type of thoughts, and follows the style of writing of the rest of the passage, which is in past tense. I don’t use words like “thought”, “said to myself”, or “reflected,” because it isn’t really like internal speech.

However, the first type of thoughts is what I put in italics, and I use the words “I realized” to show that the main character is speaking to herself. In addition, I put these thoughts in present tense, since they reflect the original format that such a monologue would take. If I was to rephrase it as the second type of thoughts, I would remove the “I realized” and change everything into past tense, like so:

First type of thoughts: I’m not in an unfamiliar part of town, I realized. I’m in another world.

Second type of thoughts: I wasn’t in an unfamiliar part of town. I was in another world.

So, now that we’ve got that clarification out of the way, here’s how it applies to this critique: you mainly used italics for book titles and written passages, but you left thoughts like normal text. For the second type of thoughts, it’s perfectly fine to do it like this. However, it looks a bit confusing to me to not use italics for the first type.

For example, I would format the following passage in your excerpt like this:

Well. That’s pretty definitive proof, Marilyn thinks, that Beatrice was the rightful heir. Jasmine herself admitted it.

Then she remembers - Beatrice has a great-granddaughter, about Marilyn’s age. She’s technically part of the royal family, but she never comes to events. She’ll be at Marilyn’s coronation, though, probably. Perfect.

This is just a tiny formatting thing, however, and your story is perfectly readable without it! One more thing, I suggest putting your story into a separate forum post, so it'll be easier to read for the writing competition.

Other than that, I really have no other suggestions to make. Amazing job on this, and thank you so much for giving me the chance to read and critique your work! If you have any questions, or would like any further clarification, please let me know!

(Oh and also, funny coincidence, but I scrolled down a bit and noticed that I wrote the post after your weekly! XD)

Daily 24/3/22
Two kids when their parents aren't home
“They have left the driveway. Freedom at last!”
“I want to do something fun.”
“I am so hungry.”
“My my my this cake smells delicious”
“Goodness me there are so many flies in here”
“Smack it you block head!”
“So what do you want to do, watch a movie or something?”
“ Look at this mess! Now I gotta clean it up”
“Why does the dog looking so weird”
“Turn off the radiator it's hot in here”
“What do you wanna eat popcorn or chips?”
“We are supposed to be sharing!”
“Give me back my phone!”
“Get away from me!”
“I'm telling on you!”
“Give me the remote control!”
“Why do you get to get the most of everything”
“I am the oldest so I choose! Okay?!”
“You are gonna get crumbs on the carpet!”
“If mom hears what you have done you will be a goner.”
“Ooh you are not allowed to do that.”
“When was the last time you took the dog out”
“What time is it?”
“Oh no they will be at home in an hour”
“Where's the vacuum cleaner!?”
“I will do the kitchen and you will do the living room.”
“They are here!”
“Psst act normal.”
(200 words)

Writing Comp Entry
March 2022

“Get - in - here!” snarled the wolf, as he stuffed the unconscious body into the vast tree cavity. “Do you wanna get cursed?” he leaned against the tree, panting heavily. But as his heartbeat slowed, he noticed an eyelid flicker.

“Wha-what’s going on? Where am I?” came a voice, as a dark-haired lady emerged from the tree. Her eyes were the murky brown of an unoccupied swamp, and her tanned cheeks were covered in a mass of freckles. She turned, and saw it.

She shrieked, her voice reaching the note of a high G. “Wolf! Wolf! WOOLLFF!”
“Shut up!” muttered the wolf, his tone arsenic. “You’re gonna get us killed! Now get back inside, or you’ll -”
“HEEELPPP!” the lady continued screaming, her face as white as mid-winter snow. “Somebody! Please!” but it was no use. She slumped to the ground, her eyes closed, as if accepting her diabolical fate. “Look, if you’re going to eat me, just get it over with.”
“What? Why would I eat you?” asked the wolf, purely perplexed. “Listen, there are bad things in this forest, so if you don’t get back into that tree now, well, it’s not gonna be pretty,”
“So, you’re not out to get -” the lady couldn’t finish her sentence. A howl pierced the night, penetrating the obsidian sky. The wolf shook his head, backing away, petrified. He muttered indistinct words under his breath, tears forming in his amber eyes.
“Please - no! No, no, no, not him!” he wept, sagging to his knees.
“Mr Wolf? Erm, what’s going on?”

Another howl. Another tear. Another scream.

“What - what is that thing?!” screamed the lady. She was gazing at a short, stubby man resembling a tree stump. It had green vines tumbling from its hair, and a small round nose.
“How dare you,” it whispered malevolently. “Well then, if that’s how it’s going to be…”

The wolf leapt in front of the lady, his breath like a baby’s rattle. He looked like he was about to sprint as far away as possible, yet his feet stayed firmly planted on the ground. A cruel smile formed on the creature’s pink, wormy lips. He cackled maniacally, and placed a finger in front of him. He began chanting, when the wolf grabbed the lady, and tore off like a shot. The creature was too shocked to move. He tried waddling, then jumping, then strolling, then running over, but he just couldn’t move. Before long, the escapees were gone…

Tilly's SWC Writing

WIP

Daily (24th March):
Write mismatched dialogue pieces or “fragments” of dialogue in order to tell a story. No dialogue should address another piece (no conversations), and everything needs to be in chronological order. It has to make sense as a story, but you can leave parts for the reader to interpret. Remember that you can only use dialogue - no actions, descriptions, or even saying who said what! Minimum 200 words for 500 points. If you share proof of your story, you can earn 200 bonus points.

“EDEN, WAKE UP!”
“Leave me alone.”
“I advise you check your clock while you’re at it.”
“Mother told me to leave you, Bianca’s gone instead.”
“THEY’RE HERE!! ARE YOU READY??”
“Sorry I couldn’t come with you, I woke up late…”
“Here, let me help!”
“Let's take the shopping to the kitchen!”
“Eden, are you coming?”
“Eden? It’s only a pair of boots, what’s taking you so long?”
“You better come! Mother’s making pancakes!”
“These. Are. DELICIOUS!”
“I thought they are the only pancakes you've ever had?”
“I want to see my daisies!”
“Actually—you can go with her, Eden. I feel like I've been hanging out with Bianca so much, I don't want to ruin you and your sister’s friendship..”
“Alright, have fun!”
“Bianca, your daisies have bloomed!”
“There we go!”
“I—I think that she’s ever so kind to me and…is talented! I’m so happy mother adopted her! What do you think of her, Eden?”
“Are you still cross at her for taking your favourite seat at the dinner table and melting your crayons or something?”
“HEY SUSAN! WHAT'S THE MATTER?”
“Could you…read this? I’m out of breath…Mother’s read it already…”
“‘Dear Bianca, Eden, Susan and Diana, It’s been such a long time since we’ve seen each other, I miss you all greatly, and, as arranged, it would be my greatest pleasure to invite you to my house for a four-week stay over the summer!!!’”
“How exciting!"

(242 Words)

In cabin daily for March 24th.

Character: Lyric Castro (from my main cabin weekly)

Lyric Castro’s hair is like a fluffy brown cloud of curls. It fluffs down to their chin. But, that’s only one side of their head. The other only has tiny studs of hair. The contrast is like a volcano and Antarctica’s ice. The skin that their hair grows out of is around the same shade as the oak planks in Minecraft. Between their glasses-encased hazel eyes, their nose goes down and then curves up, pointing towards the sky. Freckles splash across that pointed nose, from one round, smooth cheek to the other. Their lips, which are slightly lighter than their skin, form a small, smooth smile.

(106 words)

Competition Entry

Crystal Eye

Life really is like a fragile crystal mirror, you make one mistake and suddenly it all seems to come crashing down. Like a one way mirror it seems everyone can just peek into you, into everything except your true thoughts.

No one truly understands what it feels like, people think of other people like robots made for them to mess with, no feeling, no thought, just them to do whatever they want. So when something happens, they don’t ask what’s wrong and what they can do to help, instead they ask, “Why are you so sad? You have such a great life!”

They compare what’s happening to them to what other people are going through, without truly knowing what is.

They judge you for everything you do, for what you think, simple things that everybody does but you do just a little differently. You’re always too nice, or too mean, or too fat, or too skinny. There’s never a perfect balance of who you are.

And if you’re ever lucky to meet someone, someone who doesn’t judge you, you’ll lose them for yourself because then you become like everyone else and you begin to judge. It’s an endless cycle that goes on and on until the end of life. Whenever it starts, whenever it ends it goes on and on, forever.

People assume what’s happening to you, they assume the best because at one point everybody wants to be the main character, the tragedy, at one point everyone wants to be pitied by everyone. At one point everyone wants to be at the top of the world. They turn life into a competition and always try to make themselves win.

But there’s always another story, a story unheard of from another view. For even if you hate the people who judge you, even if you try your best to be perfect, even if you try to be understanding at one point you will judge and you will make people feel bad about themselves and you will become the person you hate.

And once you do become that person you get sucked into it, you do the same thing everybody does, you wear the same clothes, follow the same trends but no matter how hard you try to stick out, to be special you just camouflage in with everybody. You might dye your hair to be different, put on way too tight things to look cool, you do all that just to be recognised and you realize that that’s what everybody else is doing too.