✎Hello!✎
『On this forum you can share and critique writing! Anyone can post, and I'll be active on here!』
Rules:
✧Please only share writing that you have done
✧Nothing scratch inappropriate
✧If your post isn't a piece of writing or critique, you can share it on my profile or this studio: https://scratch.mit.edu/studios/30335075/comments (if it's writing related, that is. Otherwise you can post it on my main acc)
✎Thanks!✎

Feel free to critique this!

Let's say, dear reader, that you are at the top of the highest tree in a forest. Don't focus too much on how you got there, how you'll get back, or even what forest it is, just sit there and enjoy the view.
And while you must see thousands of trees stretch out in either direction, do you see the break in the woods up ahead? It's almost like a path, isn't it? A winding, twisting, snakelike path made from the absence of trees.
What do you think it is? Let's take a closer look.
You climb down, just so you're level with the closest treetop. It's not very far, go on, climb over. You'll be fine as long as you're careful. Ah, there we go.
Now on the the next. Circle the tree, careful. There, now repeat what you did last time. Perfect!
You climb from tree to tree, gradually dropping lower, until, finally, you reach the mysterious path. Except it's not a path is it?
Instead, a big, lazy river stretches out before you, each bank farther apart than normal. And on the river bank are two young girls, sitting at a campfire. What? Yes, those ones, what other would I be talking about?
The sun has now set low over the treetops. You've been spending all afternoon getting here, after all. You come closer, silently making your way to a the tree closest them, and let yourself be enshrouded in the leaves. You listen. What are they talking about? Campfire stories? Yes? Okay.
You allow their tales of heroic exploits and haunted houses lull you to a rest, up there on your branch. It's not until long after you leave that the nocturnal forest creatures rise, awakening you from your half-sleep.
A badger paws at the tree, and you jump down next to it, giving the creature a pat. Not your best decision, but then again you were at the top of the tallest tree in the forest. The girls have long gone silent, and now all you hear from their tent is a soft snore. You almost expect one of them to walk out, asking you what you're doing, but nothing happens.
The badger pads away, leaving you in the campsite by the river. The forest is active, yet a sleepiness settles over you. It's so peaceful here. Why are you there? Are your parents okay with this? You seem too tired to answer. Perhaps you will head home, or find a good place to sleep.
But you seem intent on staying by the now-cold coals of the previously so lively campfire. You curl up next to it, in a mossy dent in the ground. It doesn't look very comfortable, but neither did the branch of a tree, so perhaps this is an upgrade.
You close your eyes and sigh softly, shifting and removing a stick from underneath you. What will the girls think about you in the morning? It- Oh, are you asleep?
Goodnight, dear reader!

Snow falls heavily over the small village, covering it like a white blanket.
Such a beautiful sight, this. The snow twinkles like stars in the morning sun.
Would you not like to be there to witness it? To witness the big flakes gently drift lower? The sparkling tree branches and snow covered ground?
I know I would.

Plot starter (free to use, just credit me):
Ayla reads a notice in a newspaper that says find the statue, and thinks it's a joke.
She's on a field trip with her class at the museum.
The guide shows them a small statue that they apparently just got.
It's very interesting, and she says behind a little to get a closer look.
A spirit made of pure light attacks her while trying to get to the statue, though no one seems to notice anything.
In an attempt to get at it, the spirit creates a replica, with Ayla steals, and while the spirt isn't looking, replaces the statue.
Then she pretends to give up and runs out in search of her class.
Pretending to act like nothing happened, she miraculously makes it through the day.
At home, she hides it in a secret compartment in her closet she made for storing candy.
Remembering the newspaper, she re-reads it, finding it to say ‘before the light does’.
Freaked out, she locks herself in her room, only coming down to bring up food.
Her parents are concerned, but can't do anything, so they consult a therapist, but since she won't come out of her room, they have to bring the therapist there.
Somehow managing to get into the room, the therapist waits until the parents are gone before turning into the light spirit.
Panicked, Ayla grabs the statue and hugs it close, not sure why she's risking anything for this thing.
She braces for impact, but it never comes.
Instead, she finds the light spirit hovering over her, looking just as shocked as she felt. (That is, if pure light can have expressions)
Defeated, the spirit sighs; “Very well, it has chosen to protect you, there is nothing I can do now.”
When it disappears, it leaves a high-pitched ringing in her ears.


Change whatever you want, just credit me

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scratch.mit.edu/studios/30759717/

blueberrykitty_79 wrote:

Studio ad

Hi, while this sounds lovely, I exclusively said to not post unrelated stuff, so please don't advertise <3

I've been procrastinating writing for this, so here's a couple mini stories based off of some prompts the gaehive gave me:


1.
Cinnamon-the-SkyWing: its a snow day but ur arm is broken, ur phone/computer/device has no battery and ur friends are sick. what do u do? 6 or 7 mins

My alarm rings, loud and clear, I yawn, turning it off. Before I've fully woken up, my dad opens my door, sleepy-eyed but awake. “It's a snow day,” he says.
I manage to mumble an “Ok,” before he leaves again, presumably to go back to sleep until he has to get up for work.
Sadly, I don't easily fall back asleep after waking up, so I sit up, starting to push myself up with my hands before I'm painfully reminded that I broke my arm 4 days ago. I wince, recoiling. “Ouch.”
I try it again, without the arms this time.
Getting dressed, I head downstairs for breakfast. I'm too lazy to fix myself anything other than cereal. I text my friend group chat if they want to meet up, but Angie's busy cleaning and decorating for Christmas, Leo's still sick, and Rachel seems to have caught whatever fever Leo has.
To make matters worse, the lights flicker dangerously. I sigh, and wait for the power to go out. Typical.
Oh well, I might as well write for hand a bit, I think to myself, pulling out a notebook.
I'd been planning a story for a while, and I wasn't done yet. One more backstory, and then I can get to the plot structure.


2.
StellaRedGirl Anthro cat summer camp in the forest. Teenage kitties get into some magical shenanigans and they get stuck in the human world.

Camp… Hadn't been doing great so far, but if there was one thing I was looking forward to it was tonight. I rubbed my paws and smiled, I loved magic, even if it was all fake.
And tonight we'd be performing some very fun magic indeed. If it would work (spoiler: it wouldn't), this was supposed to let us see another realm. It was all bogus but collecting ingredients and performing spells was great. I'd been a part of the 231st SpellCat society for two years now, and you wouldn't believe how invested some of those cats were.
Nobody from my Society was at this camp, though.
It didn't matter though, because I skipped all the way to the lake cabin. The lake cabin was where they stored all the gear in case someone fell in. Sometimes some full-of-themself cat would swim, so there was some equipment for that too.
The SpellCats had cleared a space, and were making a circle of crystals when I got there.
“Do you have the mushrooms?” one asked.
“Sure do!” I said, handing them a small pawfull of rare mushrooms. Soon, we were all seated in a circle around the crystals. We each passed around the mushrooms, everyone getting one each.
Together we chanted words in a ‘magical’ language.
Was it just me or was the temperature rising?
Next thing I knew, there was an eery glow emitting from the crystals. A gasp escaped my mouth. And then we were somewhere else entirely.
Hold on, were those humans clothed? What was going on? I stood up, we were in a busy city FULL OF HUMANS!!

I was bored, waiting for some topics to answer. I decide to check Show and Tell out of curiosity. Then I saw this post. I immediately thought the best place to move this is Things I'm Making and Creating.

TL: DR: I will ask for this topic to be moved to Things I'm Making and Creating.

I'll move this over to the “Things I'm Making and Creating” section for you - that's a better fit for this kind of topic

Paddle2See wrote:

I'll move this over to the “Things I'm Making and Creating” section for you - that's a better fit for this kind of topic

Alright thanks

Some writing I started a while ago
for @Lark06

Seraphina sat quietly on her seaside rock. It was her favorite place to sit and think.
She and her cousin's family had arrived earlier that day. Every summer her aunt and uncle would take her and their kids to the summer house on the south shore. Seraphina loved the place.
It was right by the beach, and easy to access, but still isolated enough so it felt private. On the shore were many secrets and wonderful places.
Her favorite was the rock. It was in a cove, and had a smooth gray surface that was comfortable to sit on. The view was breathtaking.
For miles ahead glittered the endless ocean. The sand was almost white, and the plants were lush green with multicolored flowers. A tiny island dotted the horizon.
The sky was clear that afternoon, and the sun blazed overhead. Luckily, her rock was in the shade of a tree.
She felt tranquil then, completely at peace. She was back, afterall. Every year she waited for summer break to come, so she could finally come back to the south shore. That’s how it’d been since she was little.
Then, interrupting her thoughts, she heard a splash.
It came from in front of her, just a small one, giving her legs a sprinkle. The surface rippled, and in the middle ring was the image of… Something.
The ring expanded, and so did the image. Soon the ripples were gone, replaced with the something.
It was a shadow. No, it was made of shadows, in a vaguely humanoid shape. There were no facial features, just shadow, pulsing, almost alive. Maybe it was.
Suddenly, the image rippled again, and this time it spoke; “Meet me on the other side.”
Then it was gone.
Seraphina blinked. What had just happened? The sound of its voice rang in her ears. It sounded as if it had been singing; clear, but not loud.
The other side of what? she asked herself.
She decided it wouldn’t hurt to try looking.
Starting with the other side of the cove, she tried the snack bar, the beach, the summer house, the docks, and ended with the little town of Alymis, just west of the beach. Alymis was a fishing town, and you could see the whole thing from anywhere within.
The Sailors’ Scales, her favorite restaurant, was closed, since it was a Sunday.
Disappointed, she bought a cinnabon from the local bakery with some change she had in her pockets.
The little bell over the door gave a small ping when she exited. “Thank you!” She called to Abby, who was the baker.
With her mouth full of cinnabon and her head full of questions, she made her way back to the summer house.

The next day Seraphina went back. At the same time, she sat unmoving at her rock, staring at the water, hoping to see the shadow again.
Minutes passed, and nothing happened. She was about to lose hope and leave, when she heard a familiar splash.
Same as last time, the water rippled, and as the middle circle grew, so did the image of the shadow.
“Meet me on the other side.” The melodic voice rang out.
“What does that mean?!” Seraphina asked, not liking how desperate she sounded.
But the image was gone.
“Come back!” She cried, her voice shrill.
No. She thought, no, no, no, no, come back, I need to know!
Yesterday she’d been in denial, not quite sure what was going on, walking in a daze. Today she needed answers, and her only source had vanished.
Tomorrow. She would ask as soon as the shadow appeared, and more importantly, before it could disappear.
Seraphina liked that idea, in fact, she liked it so much, that when she got back, she was so confident that it would work, she couldn’t wait.
When she passed the living room, her cousin Jonah was standing by the couch and talking to a friend.
“You’re home early.” Jonah remarked.
“And how is that your business?” She snapped.
“I was just saying that you usually come home later,” her cousin retorted.
She shoved him playfully. “Well maybe I didn’t want to.”
He shoved back, then turned to his friend. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
Seraphina hurried up the stairs and into her room.
It always felt like coming home, actually, everything about the summer house felt like coming home for the first few weeks.
But for her room it was more, the turquoise walls just radiated homesense, this was her real room, not the crowded, stuffy one back at her dad’s apartment. Her real room was big, with a large four-poster bed and walk-in closet, the little dresser with that ridiculously tiny mirror and frilly embroidery.
Even the swimming bag in the corner. Especially the swimming bag in the corner. It was like a relic, all her first bathing suits, goggles, towles and gear were in there when it wasn’t being used.
She remembered when she got it; she’d only been seven years old, having gone to the summer house every year, she knew it well already, but she hadn’t yet learned how to swim.
Seraphina had her birthdays at the very end of the school year, and celebrated at the summer house when they’d gotten settled in. This particular year, it was unusually hot, and in the couple of day’s they’d been there, trips to the beach had been more frequent than normal.
So her aunt Hannah, being the one who had simply decided to raise her and teach her everything her dad couldn’t, had gotten her a swimming bag.
It was lime green with bright yellow swirls, and fairly large. “So you can carry everything you need, always!”
“Thank you.” Seraphina said, not entirely convinced. She opened the bag, finding a bathing suit and towel.
“Do you like it?” her aunt asked.
“Yes!” she said, not knowing if she did.
But the next day, she walked down the trail, new bag slung over her shoulder, glad she hadn’t needed to ask for help with carrying things like always.
She hung out by the edge of the water while her older cousins and their friends were out swimming. I wanna do that. She thought, determined to finally be a part of things.
So she tried.
She waded out in her new bathing suit, farther and farther, until she could almost not touch. But right before she was about to go a little farther, Hannah shouted at her from the shore. “Come back!” She sounded almost panicked.
Reluctantly, Seraphina complied, waddling to her aunt.
“Goodness, Seraphina, you scared me!” she cried, embracing the child fiercely.
“Why?” Seraphina mumbled, feeling embarrassed.
“Honey, if you’re going out that far, you need a lifejacket, okay?” Hannah said, looking Seraphina in the eye.
“Okay. Where do you have a lifejacket?”
“In the house sweetie, do you want to come with me?”
“Mhm!”
They left their things on the beach with the others, and walked side by side on the trail leading to the summer house.
Seraphina blabbered on, oblivious to what she’d done wrong. But after that, she didn’t try going out into the deep water without a lifejacket until she could properly swim.
So much had happened since then, and swimming was now her passion. There really wasn’t anything quite like putting on your bathing suit and just going for it, whether she was in a pool, or a lake, or her favorite, the ocean. The feeling of weightlessness was incredible, in the ocean especially, you didn’t need to do anything, you just floated to the top like a buoy.
She heaved a sigh, she loved the summer house, but the best thing had to be the memories. Whether it be swimming, fires on the beach at night, just spending time with family, or sitting by her seaside rock, she loved it.
When the feelings left by happy memories faded, she snapped back to attention. I just need to ask before it talks, she thought, remembering her failed attempt to communicate with the shadow in the water.
She lay down on her bed, listening to the dampened sounds outside her door. “Can’t you go outside? I’m tired of you always being around!” Emi, her older cousin was saying.
“Why can’t you go outside?” she heard Jonah reply.
“Because I need internet to record, now go!”
“But you’re always recording!”
“It’s called a deadline! I have to finish my lines by Sunday!”
Seraphina heard the front door slam shut, and then silence.
They were screaming, she realized, as she never seemed to catch the words of a normal conversation, and even raised voices were hard to understand with the door closed.
She turned around, and started tracing little circles on the wall. Her head was muddled with questions, and it reminded her of getting swimmers' ear. The slosh of water, just far up enough to not be able to shake it out. It was driving her insane.
The stairs creaked slightly, and soon Emi’s head peeked through the door. Seraphina knew it was her even before she turned to look.
Emi nodded, and left the door open a crack, then the sound of feet on the wooden floor came, and a door opening and closing farther down the hallway.
Seraphina rose from her bed and tiptoed to Emi’s room. The door was ajar, and she stepped in. The room smelled of lilacs and Emi, a smell she couldn’t quite define.
It was spacious, as all the rooms were, with a big desk to the right, and a bed to the left, a window, and pale yellow curtains with white flower designs. And paper. The room was cluttered with tons of paper, scrunched up paper, old paper, yellow paper, looseleaf, and even decorative origami sheets.
Most of it was used, with notes, drawings, scripts, and even what looked like essays, but there were many blank pieces too.
With the size of the room, it didn’t look all too bad, but Seraphina knew.
Every year they cleaned up the summer house when they got there, but every second year they did a deep clean, and she had seen the amounts of paper outside the door. Sheets, sheets, and more sheets.
Emi was sitting at her desk, the computer on, and her recording app open. Seraphina walked in, carefully avoiding the paper.
She sat down on her cousin’s bed, getting comfortable, and remembering the many times she’d done this before.
She loved listening to Emi record her lines. She had such interesting voices, and was able to sound multiple emotions at once, in a different voice than her usual one. It boggled Seraphina’s mind how different it was. First she was a sweet fairy, concerned about someone who fell, and then she was a criminal, hungry for revenge. She loved how she could imagine the scenes, even without the other voices and animation.
Today she was voice acting Briar, a single mom to the main character in some series.
Seraphina stayed silent, as she always did.
Minutes passed like seconds as she listened, playing a game with herself to figure out what was going on.
When they finally got called down for dinner, she was so lost in her own thoughts it was a miracle she didn’t fall down the stairs from not paying attention.
They ate out on the deck that night; it was quite warm enough.
Seraphina breathed in the cold, refreshing air blowing in from the sea. Somehow it was always better at night.
She watched from a chair at the table as her uncle barbecued steak and vegetables.

Freedom Has Been Forgotten Excerpt
Gavin was sitting in his chair as he fiddled around with the sleeve of the brown leather jacket. His black boots were on his desk which to everyone around was nothing new. He looked at a mirror nearby he has his light five O'Clock shadow and rubbed it. It was the first quiet day he had in at least a month. He heard that there was supposed to be someone new. Whenever he thought about it he would shake his head and grunt like he smelled something bad. But for once he just laughed realizing they would not be used to his humor.

Well if you could call it was humor, it's crude humor and odd everyone that meets him knows that. He looked around everyone was typing he looked at his computer. Despite looking like he has done nothing he did. Well, that is when he wants to anyway. Nothing else was there. he rolled his eyes. Anyone that sees him knows that he hardly gets any sleep no one knows why but him. He closed his eyes thinking he could get some shut-eye. But as he closed his eyes he could hear people walking and those androids. He could feel his blood start to boil. He hates how calm and cheery everyone sounded. He's normally like this but not this bad anyways.

His eyes flew open with a grunt. He put his legs down and slightly dusked off his desk. Despite his looks and attitude, his desk was neat. His paperwork was normally done but at what cost? His sleep, not that he did much if that anyways.

He shook his head as he started walking to the break room. No one was there so he went to grab a hot cup of coffee. He grabbed the empty cup with his left hand and the steaming pot with his right and poured him a cup and started the window at the bypassing cars. He could hear the loudness of people talking around him or at less to him with his new take. Gavin would stare out the window not caring about they chaos that was happening around him. As he sighed he would close his eyes and take the steaming cup of coffee and take a sip of it.

“ Gavin! Where are you?” a older man would yell, a voice that Gavin new all to well, Mr. Davis Jackson, his boss. Gavin would put his cup down then dash off to his bosses office. Gavin would look up to him. Mr. Jackson was a person who seemed to lack muscle but everyone knew the older man did. Mr. Jackson was wearing a suit the classic white button up and black tie and pants.

“ Yes Sir, you called?” he asked his voice was slightly deeper than people expect it to be. Then like always it had the sarcastic undertone to it. The undertone Gavin used made the Boss tap his fingers on his desk and eyes light up with anger.
“ Oh, don’t use that tone with me, Gray.” The older man said and pointed to a seat beside him. Gavin knew that it was a order to sit down not a offer. So without another word he would sit down.

“ Yes sir, but I haven’t had my coffee.” Gain told him slowly using some hand gestures. The older man sighed and shook his head. “ anything wrong?” the younger man would slightly tilt his head to the right.
“ yeah my office.“ Mr. Jackson would grumble under his breath so Gavin couldn't hear. Gavin would raise a eye brow ow getting tired of the game. Mr. Jackson would sigh and roll his eyes as he calmed himself.
” You Gavin Gray, now has a partner,“ a moment passed, ” For the homicide case. A android.” The man stated. This made Gavin’s blood boil. His face began to turn red. His grey eyes lit up with anger.
“ Do what? That thing! Don’t you trust me?” Gavin started to yell as he shook from anger.

this is from my Novel that is in the making but i don't know how i can improve this.

Let's say, dear reader, that you are at the top of the highest tree in a forest. Don't focus too much on how you got there, how you'll get back, or even what forest it is, just sit there and enjoy the view.
And while you must see thousands of trees stretch out in either direction, do you see the break in the woods up ahead? It's almost like a path, isn't it? A winding, twisting, snakelike path made from the absence of trees.
What do you think it is? Let's take a closer look.
You climb down, just so you're level with the closest treetop. It's not very far, go on, climb over. You'll be fine as long as you're careful. Ah, there we go.
Now on the the next. Circle the tree, careful. There, now repeat what you did last time. Perfect!
You climb from tree to tree, gradually dropping lower, until, finally, you reach the mysterious path. Except it's not a path is it?
Instead, a big, lazy river stretches out before you, each bank farther apart than normal. And on the river bank are two young girls, sitting at a campfire. What? Yes, those ones, what other would I be talking about?
The sun has now set low over the treetops. You've been spending all afternoon getting here, after all. You come closer, silently making your way to a the tree closest them, and let yourself be enshrouded in the leaves. You listen. What are they talking about? Campfire stories? Yes? Okay.
You allow their tales of heroic exploits and haunted houses lull you to a rest, up there on your branch. It's not until long after you leave that the nocturnal forest creatures rise, awakening you from your half-sleep.
A badger paws at the tree, and you jump down next to it, giving the creature a pat. Not your best decision, but then again you were at the top of the tallest tree in the forest. The girls have long ago gone silent, and now all you hear from their tent is a soft snore. You almost expect one of them to walk out, asking you what you're doing, but nothing happens.
The badger pads away, leaving you in the campsite by the river. The forest is active, yet a sleepiness settles over you. It's so peaceful here. Why are you there? Does anyone know you're here? You seem too tired to answer. Perhaps you will head home, or find a good place to sleep.
But you seem intent on staying by the now-cold coals of the previously so lively campfire. You curl up next to it, in a mossy dent in the ground. It doesn't look very comfortable, but neither did the branch of a tree, so perhaps this is an upgrade.
You close your eyes and sigh softly, shifting and removing a stick from underneath you. What will the girls think about you in the morning? It- Oh, are you asleep?
Goodnight, then!
Now that that's dealt with, let's get to why we're really here, shall we?