Please give me some overall criticism on the story that I have so far of my book. I'd like to publish this, so please tell me if it was ever hard to read. Give me some story critiques. Please note this is incomplete.

Chapter 1: Hurt

Nothing. Emptiness surrounded me, as it did every day. Stillness sat, perfectly quiet, pressing in on me. Yes, this nothingness was all my own doing, all my own fault. But I would much rather sit in this self-imposed ignorance than go out into the world, where my real feelings might be awakened. No, definitely not. Better to stay here and keep those pestering feelings away. Nothing was to take the place of what I had lost. Tyberion Roka was to be empty as long as his lengthy life continued.
I raised myself from the chair I often occupied and walked the length of the room. There was a mirror not far on the righthand and I kept my eyes on it as my figure slid into its view. Now that I looked at it I asked myself: why did I walk to the mirror? It was not as though I were proud of my appearance. my silver-colored appendages were nothing to behold, my robotic and capable body was only a reminder of my past life, and my eyes, the blue slits of light peeking out from a beautifully molded iron face, were sad and gray. I quickly turned away from the mirror and stalked back to my chair in front of the curtained window to while away more hours sitting and thinking of trivial things, nothing related to the pain of 50 years ago, just as I did every day. It was absolutely necessary. I had to stay here. The truth was, I was bored. But that was better than being hurt again, and better than being miserable. It was better than experiencing the pain of life. Sometimes I wondered why I was burdened with feelings. Why was I burdened with the curse of emotional pain? I wished it would just end. I wished that, horrible as it was, my life would just end. That was what I wished. It would settle all of my feelings. It would end all of my loneliness. But I could not take my own life. I was above that. That too base, too vile a thing for me to do. But as much as I denied it, as much as I convinced myself that this was would make me happiest: sitting and waiting, after 50 years of nothing, the silence was beginning to be unbearable.

Noises awakened me from my reverie. The laughter of children. I winced. I thought I had moved far enough away from civilization to never hear the sounds of those annoyances again! What were they doing so far away from home? I whipped the curtain open and peered out. I could not see them. They were at the back of the house. I whisked the curtains back in place, once more sending the room into gloomy darkness, and sat down heavily in my chair. Then I pretended not to hear their beautiful and happy laughs; their gleeful shrieks. I attempted to plug my ears to the gay sounds of youth. Those happy sounds were going to bring back awful memories. But nothing was working. I continued to hear the laughter. It was pounding in on every side, painfully muffled by the walls of the house to the point where they were not in my plane of existence, but were torturing me from afar. A yell. Perhaps, “I caught you!” A response of laughter. Laughter on both sides. Happy screaming, long loud chuckles, cute, suppressed giggles; laughter, laughter! Suddenly, the noises stopped. I tentatively removed my hands from my ears. Nothing. And then a scream. Not a playful shriek, but a scream of pure fright. Then the scream died quickly away, leaving the hollow empty void just as it was before. ‘Good,’ I thought. ‘Now they’re gone.’ I did not know what had happened to the children, and neither did I care. I propped my feet up on my desk and continued to do nothing.

Chapter 2: Joy

“Flowers!”
“Rabbit Georgie.”
“Ooh, uh, Whiteberries!”
“Mmm, whiteberries. The Library.”
“No, you silly, the Library isn’t better than whiteberries! Mmm, whiteberries.”
We were playing Greater, our favorite game me and my brother had made up. I was the one advocating for the flowers and berries, while Colon was partial to Rabbit Georgie and the Library. The way the game worked was you had to call out things greater than your opponents within five seconds until you couldn’t think of anything else. I was the reigning champion, having rendered Colon wordless twice in a row now.
“Try again, Silly.”
“Uh, our teacher.”
“You mean mom?”
“Yeah.”
“Mom is better than whiteberries,” I admitted.
“Yeah, try to top that one Ava!” My brother taunted.
“I’m thinking.” I retorted. I pushed the soft brown hair that didn’t make it in my ponytail back behind my ear and racked my brain for something better than Mom. “Uh, Dad?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure Dad is better than Mom,” my brother said.
“What! Come on!”
“Ok, let’s just say they’re equal. But you have to think of another one,” my brother smiled.
“Uh,” I thought of all my favorite things: swimming, walks with mom, the hills that surrounded our village, but none of them were better than Mom herself.
“I give up!” I yelled.
“Aha! Yes! Older brother reigns supreme!” My brother said this, not while running around jumping in the air, but quietly sitting on a stone in our front yard, where he had been ever since we started the game, a broad victorious smile on his face.
“Well, we better go inside,” I said quietly. “It’s getting dark.” We both ran into the house.
We found Mom bustling around getting dinner ready. I rushed over to help.
“Hi, Mom!” I greeted her as soon as I had set one foot on the floor. Mom’s head turned to me at the sound of her name, sending her curly bangs bobbing up and down. When she saw us, she smiled the way only a mother could. She was very beautiful when she smiled. I remembered hearing that she had some kind of job offer in Strorung City, but turned it down to settle down with and start a family. I always wondered what that job might have been. I smiled back at her. “How much dinner are we gonna have tonight?” I said, a little too loudly.
“Shh, Ava! Use your inside voice!” my mom smiled.
By most people’s standards, we were poor, but as far as I could see, we got by alright.
“Hello, Ava. We are blessed. Our neighbors donated the extra carrots from their garden,” my mother said as she began ladling steaming soup into four bowls.
“Ooh, ooh, can pour it?”
“Sure,” my mom laughed. By most people’s standards, we were poor, but as far as I could see, we got by alright. This was more dinner than usual, just enough to pour an equally nourishing amount into each bowl. I poured them somewhat sloppily, then grabbed my bowl the second the ladle was in Mom’s hands. Quick as I could, carried it to the table. Colon did the same, although more slowly.
“When will dad be home?” I said quickly.
My mom’s face twisted in anxiety. “He told me at lunch that he would be a little late. He has a ‘new opportunity.’ You all know how badly he wants a higher paying job at Lions,”
Our father worked at a print shop called Lions Share. I loved hugging him once he got home and smelling the sweet incense of paper and ink from his clothes. Once home, he talked of almost nothing but his job, of his newest scheme to get a promotion, or of a ‘new connection’ he knew of that might lead to a new job. It seemed to bother Colon and my mom, but I didn’t mind it.
“Once he finishes dinner, I’m afraid he’ll have to-” my mom was cut off by the sound of the door rattling. I flew from my uneaten soup, having been waiting for the very person who was now at the door, and threw myself into the arms of my dad.
“Woah!” he exclaimed in his deep gravel.
I deeply breathed in that familiar scent of fresh paper and then released him.
“Hi, dad!”
“Hello, sunshine,” he smiled and strode over to the table, me at his heels. My mom poured him a bowl of soup.
“So, Karman, what is this new connection you’ve found?”
And off he went, talking of the woman he met this morning who managed the Lion’s Share in Storung City. He extolled her many visual virtues and listed the many ways she could help him climb the ladder in the workplace. Mom and Colon tolerated it, as usual, but I hung on every word.
“So I’ll be meeting her at 6:50. This is a tremendous opportunity. Before I go, of course, I’ll need my suit ironed-”
“Wait, Daddy, my swimming tryout is at 7:00.”
My dad stopped. He looked confused, then shocked.
“Oh no! I’m sorry, Sunshine. I- I can’t take you, I’d miss this opportunity. You know I can’t do that. What about mom? Can she take you?”
My mom shook her head. “That idiot at the capitol suspended my license because we couldn’t afford those taxes,” she said spitefully. Colon and I giggled to hear our mom say ‘idiot’ a word we had been banned from using since time out of mind.
“Well, Ava-Angel, I’m so sorry you can’t go. But that’s the way it is.” My eyes immediately filled with tears. I had kept them back with the hope that Mom could take me, but now that had been extinguished, there really was nothing that could be done. I sniffled, pushed my empty soup bowl hard across the table, and went to my room. Once in my room, I ran to the balcony and threw myself on the floor. All those days of practicing, all those embarrassing trips to neighbors’ houses to ask if I could use their swimming pool, it was all for nothing. I knew it was silly to cry over a swimming tryout, but cry I did. It was a little whining cry and didn’t last long. I was glad it didn’t, I did not like to seem like a baby, even though I was only ten. I sniffed one last time and looked out at the skyline. The sun was setting, I knew, but I could not see the sun. It was blocked by the roof of one of our neighbors, and the whole world outside seemed dark. I sighed.
The door creaked open behind me, throwing a slit of golden light on the floor of my small and dirty bedroom. I could see it from the balcony as there was nothing separating me from my room but a now open curtain. The bulky silhouette of my dad stepped into the light on the floor, and I turned my face back to the dark world outside. My dad walked into the room as heard by his heavy footsteps.
“Ava?” he said. I had nothing to say back.
“I had a long talk with your mom,” he said and sighed. “She made me realize what my duty to this family really is. It’s caring for you. Love is putting another’s needs before your own. And I love you, Sunshine.” I whipped my head around, the fire was back in me, reignited by a little bit of hope. “Get your swimming suit. I’m going to take you.” Even though the dark, I could see he was smiling. I got up, ran over, and hugged him.
Five minutes later, we were both in the carriage, pulled by one horse, my Maggie. through the rattle of the wheels on the road, I could hear several deep booms. I didn’t think much of them at the moment. I thought they were part of the rattle caused by our old wheels on the old road. Several minutes passed, and the booms grew louder and more distinct over the rattle of our wheel and the babble of our talk. I was forced to consider them as fireworks somewhere off. In the next minute, just as I could see the center that the swimming tryout was to take place in, the booms became unbearably loud. Some people began screaming. I was filled with an irrevocable sense of foreboding. My dad was just as bewildered and frightened as I was. Seeing that he had no idea what this meant did not help my nerves.
“I think we should head home,” he said. “Quickly, Maggie.” We retraced our path through town, leaving the center in the dust. I had a feeling that whatever was happening was bigger than a swimming tryout. Suddenly, the bangs stopped. Then people screamed as a great orange light erupted from the place we had just left. Dad pulled the reigns hard and our carriage skidded to a halt. We craned our necks to see, and we gasped. The Center was covered in flames. And standing next to it was a fifteen-foot-tall metal monster.

Chapter 3: Peril

It was a fifteen-foot-tall armored, humanoid, monster. It turned its face towards us and I felt a jolt of fear like lightning go through me. Its red, glowing eyes seemed to pierce through the smoke now in the air. And it made to move in our direction.

“Go, go! Run, run!” I yelled, my eyes still on the machine.

“Go on, Maggie. Faster, faster!” my dad urged the horse with equal panic. With a small bump, the carriage started moving again. I ripped my eyes off the monster and whipped around. As the carriage picked up speed and the booms continued, I hugged my dads arm tightly.

We were hurtling down the road, fast as our wheels could carry us. Every rock we hit sent our rickety carriage flying a foot in the air. We had to begin to swerve to avoid debris that was appearing as a result of the attack. The machine seemed to have forgotten us and was now attacking other innocent bystanders. I tried as hard as I could to not look behind us where the screams, bangs, and crashes were coming from.

I turned to my dad. “I really hope Mom and Colon are okay,” I said.

“I hope so too, honey.”

Even though we were traveling at what seemed like 1,000 miles an hour, it still felt like it was taking forever to get home. Every minute, more buildings were on fire or completely demolished. Every one of these sights made me fear more and more for the safety of our own house.

Finally, we came within sight of our home, and it was on fire. As soon as possible, we jumped out of the carriage and ran to our mom, who was standing in the front yard, doing some kind of nervous bounce. Her usually tidy and curly hair was now a frizzy mess. I saw with a jolt that she was alone. No Colon. We ran up to her. My father got there first.

“Are you alright? Where’s Colon?”

“I don’t know!” she cried, clenching and unclenching her hands. “He ran outside after you stomped off to your room!” she said, addressing me. “When I saw the house was on fire I ran out as fast as I could. I’ve been looking everywhere! No Colon!” My dad’s eyes were wide. “I even went to the neighbors! I can’t find him!” My mom was hysterical now. Her tearstained cheeks reflected the orange firelight that was now all around. The screams and crashes were in a crescendo. The whole world seemed to become one shade or another of amber. Only a few blocks away I could see the giant humanoid machine with a person grasped high in its hand. I turned my face away as another, louder scream joined the others. I looked at my mother’s tear-stained face. Where was Colon?
My father looked around. “He must still be in the house,” he said resolutely. We turned to look back at the house. The roof was falling in, fire was currently decimating the beautiful hand-painted siding, and everything was surely being turned to cinders inside.

“Yes.” Mom said. She gulped and turned to me and hugged me saying, “Stay here. We’ll be right out.” My dad patted me on the head and I looked up at him. “Whatever you do, stay right here,” he said over the booms; the sound of the metal monster’s feet. He turned to go. I grabbed his shirt, pulling him back. My voice didn’t seem to be working, or I would’ve said, STOP! DON’T LEAVE ME! As of right now, all I could do was look at him with shining eyes as big as saucers and hope all would go to plan. They would be in and out, rescuing Colon. They had to, right? “I promise, Sunshine, we’ll be out in a minute, with Colon. Then, we’ll get out of here.” Reluctantly, I released the shirt of my beloved father, who had sacrificed his agenda for mine, and watched as the silhouettes of my parents ran into the burning building that was our home. Thirty seconds, a minute passed, all the while the metal monster was getting closer and closer. I played the bottom of my ashy shirt. Crash! Bang! Louder and louder. Then I saw a figure in the distance on the left, silhouetted against the fire. It was Colon! I ran to him.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!” I shouted, dragging him over to the house. “Mom and Dad just ran into the house to get you!!” Then I stopped and gasped. “We have to tell them!” I yelled over the booms. The metal man thing had to be right behind us, but I did not want to look back. “We have to get them! Before-“

I felt as though it happened in slow motion. I was looking at the house, pointing to it as I tried to get Colon to see the danger our parents were in and I saw Mom’s face through the melting window. Just then, a shadow passed over us blocking out the moon. It was the monster. It stepped over us, missing crushing us by inches. Mom finally looked out the blackening window out of the house and saw Colon and I. Just at that moment, the monster’s second, large, metallic stride crushed it. The second flaming story came crashing into the first, blackened support beams cracked everywhere, and in a minute explosion of dust, our house was gone. And so were Mom and Dad. Screaming was not enough. Tears streamed down my face as I pulled at my hand, Colon had grabbed it to keep me from flying at the metal foot and pounding it into oblivion. I looked at my brother’s face which was paralyzed with shock, tears streaming down his cheeks too. With great difficulty, my brother pulled me away from the house, then he gave me a silent and meaningful look. I knew we had to run. We had to get out of here. And I ran with all my heart as a man in the metal monster yelled to the town, his voice magically magnified:

“Those of you who are left, I am Quintus. You have seen my great power. Now you understand my abilities. I am, clique as it is, taking over the nation, town by town. If you do not want to suffer more casualties, you will yield and worship me. My Pyro Commanders will make sure you do not escape.” I barely heard him.

I wasn’t sure how we got out of that town. I could barely see anything through my tears. Everything was a blur. I just remember that the men keeping us from escaping were focused on the adults and did not notice us kids. We were small, helpless, pitiful, and powerless. We could do nothing.

Chapter 4: no title yet

The night was awful. The tall grass seemed to rub my legs raw and the wind blew my hair in my face. But I hardly felt any of it. I stared at the ground the whole time My brother dragged me through the wilderness, sobbing my heart out. My mother was gone. My father was gone.
“Why, Why, WHY?” I cried out loud. This couldn’t be real. Nothing like this could happen to a person. But the fact was, I would never see them again., just after Dad had given up his dream for me. They were gone. And I was the most miserable person on the planet.
Finally, Colon found what he was looking for: a large oak tree. He helped me climb up it

Chapter 5: Questing

One paper-white hand reached out, and, her heart thumping, Ava opened the door to the shack. A wave of stillness washed over the two. It was dark and extremely quiet inside, the pictures on the wall seemed to be holding their breath. There was a small atrium that held a several things. An expensive-looking umbrella stand, dusty books in all colors, and complicated-looking instruments, to name a few. Past the atrium, on the shelf to the right, lay an odd assortment of nicknacks. Several dusty, framed pictures, turned over so you could not see the photo, accompanied several, strange-looking weapons, also dusty. On the left was a small sitting room that no one seemed to have sat in for quite some time.

“Do you think he’s still here?” Colon breathed. The words sounded like intruders in the silence. Ava said nothing. Something told her he was here. Maybe it was just childish optimism. She bravely stepped over the threshold on tiptoe, not wanting to offend the silence anymore. Colon followed. They stood still for a while, not knowing what to do. Finally, curiosity moved her, and Ava stepped toward the pictures on the shelf. She hesitated, fearing what the pictures might be. They had, after all, been turned over. Ignoring her conscience, she turned the first picture over. It was of several teenagers, laughing, playing computer games. Why would this be turned over?

Colon noticed what she had done. “Ava, I’m not sure you should do that.”

But Ava ignored him and turned over the next picture. This one was of the same teenagers, a few years older, posing in a large group with a few others. They all looked happy like they had just achieved a great accomplishment. Without hesitation, Ava moved to the third and last picture. She only saw a flash of color before she heard a floorboard creak and felt the air suddenly grow colder. She put the picture down, faster than what was wise. Blood rushed to her face; she had been caught. It had to be him who made the sound. She wondered if he could hear her heart thumping out of her chest as well as she could. She backed away from the pictures. Colon was looking, white-faced, down the hall. She followed his gaze. A door at the end of the hall that they hadn’t noticed before stood ajar, a thin slice of light cutting the darkness inside the house. And next to the door, in a shadow, stood a shiny suit of armor. At least, that was Ava’s first impression, until she saw the eyes.

Bright, beautiful, blue eyes. Big and glowing brightly, they reminded Ava instantly of ice. They filled her with wonder and fear simultaneously. She thought those eyes just might be able to read minds. These were not human eyes. The shape of the eyes was human, but there was no clear iris or pupil. The whole eye just glowed. And it was a pair of those eyes that were watching Ava and Colon.

Ava looked wildly at Colon, begging him to say something. But the look on his face told her that he felt the same way she did; like the air had been sucked out of both of their lungs. Finally, Ava took a shaky breath and said, with the loudest voice she could muster, “Are you the Ancient Samurai?” The words bounced around the ceiling and faded away. The figure at the end of the hallway did nothing, gave no inclination at all that he had heard her. Ava continued, “Please. We need help.” Then she gasped. The figure had moved. She had not noticed that he had moved at first because he did so soundlessly. At a slow and easy gait, he walked stealthily down the hall. He put one foot noiselessly in front of the other. One last step took him out of the shadows and Ava gasped.
He was not a suit of armor, as she had previously thought. The inexplicable glowing eyes could suddenly be explained. Head to toe, his entire body was bright, gleaming metal. It was not armor or a suit. He was a robot.

It was hard to believe. His body was so humanoid it was easy to see why Ava had mistaken him for a suit of armor. Android would be a better name for the marvelous piece of metalwork standing before them. His steady feet were shaped like boots, without laces, with an able looking ankle joint. A simply shaped piece of metal covered the knee joint that separated each his long, beautifully molded legs. He was built like he had armor on. This armor, the same metal as the rest of his body, covered his torso and broad chest, which was full of cleverly hidden joints. His strong shoulders gleamed in the faint light, and the arm was split by a sturdy elbow joint. His hands were wonders of mechanical engineering. And the face that held those icy, miraculous eyes looked pleasant enough, although Ava was sure it could turn angry if they made a wrong move.

Ava looked at her brother. The color was returning to his face. Ava was almost smiling herself. She looked back at the Samurai.

“We need a hero.”

Chapter 6: Heroics

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I said, get out.” His voice was not rude, just plain and stately. He was not going to help them, and that was that.

Ava protested, “Please sir, our home-”

“Did you turn over these pictures?” He sounded like he intended to ask this question from the beginning.

Ava’s heart dropped. This is what she was worried about. Was it because she had snooped around in his stuff, that he was not going to help them?

“Yes sir.”

He moved over to the pictures and turned away from Ava and Colon to flip them over again. “Then you need to leave now.”

This time, Colon spoke up. “Please sir, if you could just hear us out-”

“LEAVE!” he bellowed, still not facing the children. Ava and Colon glanced at each other, then whipped around and ran out the door. The moment their feet hit the ground the door slammed shut. They just stood, panting for a while. The outdoors with all the birds and bugs making their music seemed loud compared to the quiet inside the house. Ava and Colon looked at each other. Then looked at the house, not knowing what to do. After a while, Colon spoke.

“We’ll have to stay the night,” he said matter-of-factly. “Let’s go to the town for a tent.” And he started off.
“We’re camping out in his yard?” Ava exclaimed, running to keep up with Colon’s brisk pace.

“Not in his yard, no,” he conceded. “There’s plenty of fields around here, we’ll just camp nearby.”

“Alright. If that’s what we have to do to get his help.”

“Don’t be all like that, you were the one who wanted to save the world!”

Ava smiled, then frowned, meditating on that resolve. Since her parent’s death, she had been filled with a new vigor that she’d never before experienced, a gravity, a purpose she’d never before possesed “Yes. We have to.”

* * *

Ava and Colon were at the Samurai’s door at 8:30 the next morning. Ava briskly knocked. They heard nothing. She knocked again. The third and final knock brought him to the door. He began to open it but the moment he saw it was them, he closed it again. “Sir, will you please-“ was all Ava managed to get out before the door shut again. The siblings looked at each other both with a look that said ‘I expected that’. They returned to their tent. The next week was exactly the same. Except that two days later, the samurai stopped coming to the door and instead shot them angry looks from the window. By the end of the week, “GO AWAY” was the only greeting that followed Ava’s knock.
“I wonder why he hates us so much?” mused Colon one afternoon. He was sitting in the shade of a tree, tinkering with the small heap of wires and metal bits he always carried around. They were very near the samurai’s house, having just retreated from another failed attempt to get the warrior’s help. Ava didn’t answer. That was alright because Colon didn’t seem to expect an answer. He was contented in screwing up his face because of the bright sun, and continually hammering a button that didn’t seem to be doing what it was supposed to do. Ava, however, was gazing at the back of the samurai’s house, which was generating a lot more noise than usual. The noise was so faint, Ava thought she might be imagining it. The house was always determinedly still and quiet.
“I’m going to go- um, explore,” said Ava. She wasn’t sure Colon had heard her because he didn’t answer. But she started off towards the samurai’s backyard. As she got closer, her doubts were vanquished; there definitely was a slight bustle coming from the back of the house. When Ava was very close to the side of the house, she sprinted to it, not wanting to be seen. She edged around the side of the house to get a glimpse of the backyard and her mouth dropped open.
The samurai was there alright, as she had imagined he would be. The back of the house was not a sight to behold, with a small patio and several chairs. But the android himself was doing something very peculiar.

He was shooting ice from his fingers.

Ava’s mouth dropped open. The robot’s fingers flexed, and the ice covered the ground. He took his hands upwards, the ice followed. He spun and twisted, punched and stomped in a kind of dance, the ice following his every move. He continued for several minutes, then he stopped. The android stretched his hands out, breathing heavily. Ava held her breath. The ice detached itself from the ground, and rose into the air. He bent his legs, and twisted slowly, preparing for the move. He turned an inch more backwards and his eyes found Ava.
Instantly, the ice suspended in the air shattered and his eyes widened as big as saucers. If a robot could blush, he was. They just stood there for a while, gaping at each other. Then the andriod expression changed, with long, powerful, angry strides, the samurai advanced on Ava. She recoiled a pace, but didn’t matter. In a moment, the Samurai had caught Ava by the collar and was dragging her into a chair. Ava sat, and stared up into the face of the angry android. He stood there, apparently too furious to speak, breathing forcibly. Ava was distracted for a moment, acknowledging that the android did not actually need to breathe, that he was just apearing to. Because he did not need to breathe, this must just be one of the ways he was programmed to show emotion. She busied herself in wondering what kind of amazing craftsman would create a robot with such a human way of expressing emotion until the samurai’s voice jerked her back to reality.
“How much did you see?”
Ava’s tongue, which had for so long been chained with shock, was finally released. “You can control ice! You can control the ice! This is amazing. You can help us! Why didn’t you tell us before? That was so cool!”
But she had said the wrong thing. The samurai turned on his heels and began to pace, clenching and flexing his hands, like he didn’t know what to do with himself. He stopped his pacing. “Cool?” he asked, his voice dangerously steely.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, in an attempt to repair her mistake. “But you’ve got to help us! You can’t not use that gift!” She paused her outburst. “We’ll keep pestering you!” she added as a meanger threat.
The android’s response was softer than she expected. “If I tell you my story, will you please leave me alone?”
Ava started. She considered this unexpected response. “Maybe… I don’t want to make any promises. But it would help me understand.” The android’s face fell back into a steely look again. “Please?” She begged. “I want to know.” The samurai looked torn.
“You’re not a samurai, are you?”

You said “Please give me some criticism on what I have so far of my book.”, so here are some corrections.

Chapter 1:

“That is too base,” (added ‘is’)

Chapter 2:

You say this twice:
“By most people’s standards, we were poor, but as far as I could see, we got by alright.”
In my opinion, you should get rid of it the first time you use that sentence.

"…can I pour it?” (added ‘I’)

Quick as I could, I carried it to the table. (added ‘I’)

…strode over to the table, with me at his heels. (added ‘with’)

…say ‘idiot’, a word… (added comma)

neighbors (removed the apostrophe)

…the fire back in me… (removed ‘was’)

…my Maggie. Through the… (capitalized ‘through’)

Chapter 3:

…armored, humanoid monster. (removed comma between ‘humanoid’ and ‘monster’)

…towards us, and I felt… (added comma)

…were set on fire… (added ‘set’)

…ran to my mom… (changed ‘our’ to ‘my’)

I played with the bottom… (added ‘with’)

…in a huge/large explosion of dust… (changed ‘minute’ to ‘huge/large’)

Chapter 4:

… the whole time my brother… (changed ‘My’ to lowercase)

…see them again, just after… (removed a period)

…me climb up it. (added a period)

Chapter 5:

…that held several things… (removed ‘a’)

Chapter 6:

“Yes, sir.” (added a comma)

“Please, sir, if you could just hear us out-” (added a comma after ‘Please’)

They just stood there, panting for a while. (added ‘there’)

.the androids expression… (changed ‘andriod’ to ‘androids’)

She recoiled a pace, but it didn’t matter. (added ‘it’)

…she added as a meager threat. (changed ‘meanger’ to ‘meager’)

I suggest you to put the new chapters in a new post, to make a navigation board, like

chapter 1

Blah…

Or else write the chapter like that:

Well…Iam Albraa60 From the nightwolf , i just came to tell you that SaitamaGTOMP Will *Hopefully* Review This Book , We Wish for you the best of luck , Thanks

Edit : oh , and i forgot to include that your book have some words that are not allowed on scratch
Part 2 of Chapter 1 For Example Have 1 Word That's not allowed on scratch.

Albraa60 wrote:

Well…Iam Albraa60 From the nightwolf , i just came to tell you that SaitamaGTOMP Will *Hopefully* Review This Book , We Wish for you the best of luck , Thanks

Edit : oh , and i forgot to include that your book have some words that are not allowed on scratch
Part 2 of Chapter 1 For Example Have 1 Word That's not allowed on scratch.

If you are talking about ‘gay’, it originally meant happy

Kitkatz6040 wrote:

Albraa60 wrote:

Well…Iam Albraa60 From the nightwolf , i just came to tell you that SaitamaGTOMP Will *Hopefully* Review This Book , We Wish for you the best of luck , Thanks

Edit : oh , and i forgot to include that your book have some words that are not allowed on scratch
Part 2 of Chapter 1 For Example Have 1 Word That's not allowed on scratch.

If you are talking about ‘gay’, it originally meant happy

Both definitions of the word ‘gay’ are allowed.

Albraa60 wrote:

Well…Iam Albraa60 From the nightwolf , i just came to tell you that SaitamaGTOMP Will *Hopefully* Review This Book , We Wish for you the best of luck , Thanks

Edit : oh , and i forgot to include that your book have some words that are not allowed on scratch
Part 2 of Chapter 1 For Example Have 1 Word That's not allowed on scratch.

I looked it over… can you be more specific? I can’t find any word except for ‘died’ (which is not used in the sad sense of the word) that wouldn’t be allowed on scratch

Overall

- I would recommend writing the chapter names as: Chapter One instead of Chapter 1

Chapter One/1

- not far on the righthand ~ I would just write ‘not far on the right’
- and my eyes, the blue slits of light peeking out from a beautifully molded iron face, were sad and gray. ~ Does this mean they are blue and grey at the same time?

Chapter Two/2
- “Uh,” I thought of all my favorite things: swimming, walks with mom, the hills that surrounded our village, but none of them were better than Mom herself. ~ I feel like you don't have to add in the speech in this sentence
- We both ran into the house ~ using these words makes it sound like they ran straight into the house (how do I describe it???)
- By most people’s standards, we were poor, but as far as I could see, we got by alright. ~ Written twice

Chapter Three/3
- It was a fifteen-foot-tall armored, humanoid, monster ~ already written it was fifteen feet tall at the end of the last chapter, writing it was a tall armoured humanoid monster would be fine
- what seemed like 1,000 miles an hour ~ doesn't fit in this story

Chapter Four/4
- I stared at the ground the whole time My brother ~ needs a full stop

(I'll edit this post with more)