im working hard on this story and hope you will like it!

I Will

chapter 1:it was a stormy night.i walked through the forest.i soon arrived at a large oak tree.its trunk had a dark purple x on it.i pushed the x hard.a small handle appeared.i pulled on it .suddenly a small door apppeared.i slipped through it.inside was a ladder.i climbed up into my secret treehouse.inside was a small couch,a desk with a chair and may more things.my friend mia was with me.at one point we decided t wal into the forest.after a lot of walking we found a large cave.inside was a large machine of some sort.i touched a large red button. dont do that! said mia.the machine made a large swirling circle.it turned pink and sucked us in.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!we said.we soon awoke appeartly it was morning now?but we werent in the cave o the forest…i thought i saw some horses,but they were unicorns!?i was very confused.did we die.is this heaven?i pinched myself to mae sure i wasnt dreaming.ouch!defiantly not dreaming.were we in another dimension?or universe?
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end of chapter 1

COOLGAME2009 wrote:

I Will

thanks!

ill post a new chapter everyday
edit-reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
edit illl just post a chapter when i feel like it

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i love it! theres a ton of grammatical errors though xd

Yeetwolf200 wrote:

i love it! theres a ton of grammatical errors though xd

lol yeah

lavenderpearlsecond wrote:

Yeetwolf200 wrote:

i love it! theres a ton of grammatical errors though xd

lol yeah

still really good though!

lavenderpearlsecond wrote:

chapter 1:it was a stormy night.i walked through the forest.i soon arrived at a large oak tree.its trunk had a dark purple x on it.i pushed the x hard.a small handle appeared.i pulled on it .suddenly a small door apppeared.i slipped through it.inside was a ladder.i climbed up into my secret treehouse.inside was a small couch,a desk with a chair and may more things.my friend mia was with me.at one point we decided t wal into the forest.after a lot of walking we found a large cave.inside was a large machine of some sort.i touched a large red button. dont do that! said mia.the machine made a large swirling circle.it turned pink and sucked us in.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!we said.we soon awoke appeartly it was morning now?but we werent in the cave o the forest…i thought i saw some horses,but they were unicorns!?i was very confused.did we die.is this heaven?i pinched myself to mae sure i wasnt dreaming.ouch!defiantly not dreaming.were we in another dimension?or universe?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
end of chapter 1

This is really good! I would suggest a few things, though. You could put a space between each period and a capital letter to start off each sentence. Also there were a few spelling errors, like you wrote appeartly when it is actually spelled apparently. I'm one of those people who just has to correct everything she sees. But other than that, good job!!

Is the story going to be animated, cus if it is i have tons of ideas for it, like it changes style when the camera moves atleast like,7 times

NullNum wrote:

Is the story going to be animated, cus if it is i have tons of ideas for it, like it changes style when the camera moves atleast like,7 times

mabye,that would be cool!

lavenderpearlsecond wrote:

chapter 1:it was a stormy night.i walked through the forest.i soon arrived at a large oak tree.its trunk had a dark purple x on it.i pushed the x hard.a small handle appeared.i pulled on it .suddenly a small door apppeared.i slipped through it.inside was a ladder.i climbed up into my secret treehouse.inside was a small couch,a desk with a chair and may more things.my friend mia was with me.at one point we decided t wal into the forest.after a lot of walking we found a large cave.inside was a large machine of some sort.i touched a large red button. dont do that! said mia.the machine made a large swirling circle.it turned pink and sucked us in.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!we said.we soon awoke appeartly it was morning now?but we werent in the cave o the forest…i thought i saw some horses,but they were unicorns!?i was very confused.did we die.is this heaven?i pinched myself to mae sure i wasnt dreaming.ouch!defiantly not dreaming.were we in another dimension?or universe?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
end of chapter 1

It was a stormy night. I walked through the forest, and soon arrived at a large, oak tree. It's trunk has a dark purple “X” on it. I push the “X” hard and a small handle appeared, which I pulled on. Suddenly, a small door appeared, and I would slip through it. Inside was a ladder, and I would climb up into my secret treehouse. In my treehouse was a small couch, a desk with a chair and many more things. My friend Mia was with me. At one point we decided to walk into the forest .After a lot of walking, we found a large cave, which had a machine of some sort inside. I touched a big, red button, and Mia alerted me to not do so too late. The machine created a large, swirling circle, which turned from black to pink. It would suck us inside, us screaming as it did. We awoke, yet it was morning… and the forest was nowhere to be seen. I thought I saw some horses, but then I noticed a large, twisting horn in the centre of their heads - unicorns! I was very confused, and my mind was whirring… did we die, and we were in Heaven? I'd pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming… and I still felt the sensation of pain. Definitely not a dream… so where was I? A new dimension, or even a new universe?

~~~
I tried to help with the mistakes and edited it a little bit.
I don't mean to say “Mine is better!”, I was just showing an idea of what it could be.
This is not meant to be a total replacement, just an interpretation

hey lavender, since its going to be animated, you should draw concept art, and we will redraw it as a reference.

NullNum wrote:

hey lavender, since its going to be animated, you should draw concept art, and we will redraw it as a reference.

ok!

also i can't tell whats on Mia's eyes :1

also also, Maybe i could put it on youtube and a website

Hello

Great, so this is ross also my best friend and we used to animate together, its been harder bc of corona.
But i thought he would like to help

Cool_animatons wrote:

Hello

hi owo