I'm David Lister. I reside in Witchampton (Dorset) and also have a house in Kirk Yetholm. I have a Ford Mondeo Mk IV. My sister, Emma, is a Scientologist who lives in Sligo. No, we aren't a couple.

Whacking myself around the head with an oboe.
Creating fake passports.
Dressing up as Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights.
Dogging (normally down at Longham Lakes).