First of all.... sorry StormBringger... like, it was an impulse decision, but I still feel like keeping it.
Ok, I need to explain this better.
First, I just got my own youtube channel, and I'm learning how to make animations, and I don't feel like I can get anything else out of scratch. I already know how to use it fluently, and honestly....
3.0 is overhated, but I don't love it either, and I will admit it is kinda hard to use.
And I don't have FUN using it.
For some reason.
I've been trying to get back into the swing of things in real life though, and part of that means that I'm becoming more active on the platforms I want to be more active on:
Bright Guardian Akira Amino
Seeing as Scratch can be kinda sensitive about this stuff, I won't be telling you my profiles on that unless you specifically ask. I do wish to keep in contact.
But my main problem with scratch is that it's not really a good platform to socialize, which is what I'm most interested in doing. It is heavily moderated, there are heaps of stupid drama, and projects are no fun to make.
Nobody here has long conversations or intimate friendships. Storm, I know we're friends, but due to the nature of how scratch works, we talk like once a week. Not exactly ideal.
And I'm recovering from a lot of heavy stuff, so my mood swings around a lot. All of December, I was riled up about Scratch. I was also pretty gung ho in late February. I had a breif DeviantArt obsession. But I've just kinda been meh about scratch recently.
I really don't like the Wrenpaw persona as it currently is. I feel like my style is too cooky and weird, and I'm way too focused on improving my actual art to work on Scratch Projects.
And I know it was dumb of me to drop out of the MAP, but I can explain that too:
I was only doing it to please you, Storm. IDK why my brain decided that would be the best thing to do, but it's the whole thing. And then after a day had passed, I realized that I didn't like the song, and I was doing a terrible job. Also, I didn't want to finish because I actually had no interest in animating that.
I know I sound like a Jerk after saying that, but it's just one of the things about trying to cope. Your emotions just come and go, and I realised I was being stupid when I joined the MAP. I don't want to animate that, I don't really like the song, and I was doing it just to impress you. Maybe that should have been incentive enough to continue, but it's been pressuring me.
I was just going to ghost everyone here and just vanish, but that's not fair.
I wasn't thinking of you.
I'm probably still going to be lurking around here, checking up on it every once in a while. But the fact of the matter is that I'm not very interested in the scratch community.
Lastly, I kinda think I'm too old for this. I'm almost 13, and I'm learning how to code python and use actual animation software. Scratch is kinda trivial. There's nobody who's going to see your projects, and nobody who's going to care. Scratch promotes those who are already popular, not those who work hard. And I'm not saying I work very hard on my trashy projects, but I have to admit that I feel like all of scratch's favorite animators just use the circle tool for the most part, and all of the featured games are basically just reskins of each other. There's nothing new or exciting here. And I'm not learning anything.
As a person who spends all my time trying to better myself, even if I usually fail, even if I'm a terrible, friend ditching, badmouthing, lying, tear drenched person, I still try to do that. And I'm not doing that here.
Storm, if you still want to be my friend after all this, I'd be happy to work it out. I've been very rude to you, and I apologize. But I'm only going to be here because of you, and I won't be doing anything else.
Because while Scratch may not improve me, having a friend might.
I guess that's it. I don't really want to stay, but I will if you want me to.
But I have all these followers who don't even know me, who never talk to me, and they wouldn't follow me if they knew the things I've done.
Someone tells me that I should stop blaming myself.
It's all my fault, even if I do have "problems." Just because my brain is socially maladaptive (not the actual term, it's just a phrase I use to describe myself) doesn't mean I'm not the one making a decision to leave my friends behind.