"This has gone on long enough! That palace is rightfully ours, that fiend has no right to it! I say we to to war!" Sir Bobbamancarlo declared, raising a long, hairy arm as cheers broke our among the army.
"But sir!" Cried Sir Babbins, horrified, "That beast is a giantess! She could kill hundreds of us with a single stomp!" The cheers died down a bit, some looking uneasy and muttering things like 'gotta watch the kids' 'Wife will kill me if I die' 'my uh house burned down last yesterday, gotta do some repairs...'
"Oh come on, all of you are divorced, you've never met your kids, and we'd know if your house burned down." Sir Bobbamancarlo sighed, exasperated. "Look, she fears us, it's obvious. Seeing so many of us at once would give her a heart attack at the least."
"Hey that's a good point," Sir Flabbethy commented, earning a few thoughtful murmurs.
"She chased my sister into the outland!" Sir Jeebers cried, earning many shocked gasps.
"She was my wife!"
"Uh, no, she was my wife. "
"Idiots, she was my wife!"
"Guys, she had about a thousand wedding rings, I think it's fair to say she's everyone's wife." Sir Babbins pointed out with a sigh, causing every to pause, before deflating slightly.
"Back onto topic, please? Involving going to war with the giantess?" Sir Bobbamancarlo reminded impatiently.
"Oh yeah, su—"
"No!" Everyone groaned at the familiar, irritating squeaky voice.
"What now, Sir Dottie the, what, have there been eighty Sir Dottie's now?" Sir Jeebers called out, annoyed.
The tiny, very much deserving of the name 'Dottie', soldier straightened, "I refuse to go along with this! I'll have you know, as the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great—"
"WE GET IT!" They all yelled.
" — Great great GREAT grandson of Lady Boris of the corner, it is my sworn duty to protect the giantess!"
"Why would you ask him tha—"
"BECAUSE!" Sir Dottie began smugly, "Lady Boris happened to be friends with the giantess!"
More groans, eye rolls, and shakings of heads.
"It's true!" He told them, "They met one day, one fateful day, when the giantess was little more then a child. Her father came, ready to remove Lady Boris, and force her into the outland.. When she was SAVED, yes you heard me, SAVED by the giantess! She had her father spare her life, and the giantess would come every day since to visit Lady Boris, protecting her from the other giants, and even defended Sir Dottie the first!"
"That's just a fairy tale, Sir Dottie. It never actually happened." Sir Flabbethy huffed.
"Back to discussing how to kill the giantess, please." Sir Bobbamancarlo sighed.
They discussed battle plans all through the night.
Squeaky stared at the at the bedroom wall with wide eyes, where an army (Dressed up, holding guns and everything!) Of spiders were gathered.
"MOM!" She yelled, running out of the room, "THE SPIDERS ARE PLOTTING TO KILL ME!"
"Honesty, Squeaky, their more afraid of you then you are of them."
Squeaky thought back to seeing the spiders literally screaming in rage at the sight of her and pelting her with the tiniest pebbles she had ever seen from their guns.
"That.. Is that even possible?"
Squeaky is, as you can probably tell, me. I am terrified of spiders, and Mom's reaction in this is what I usually get when I go to my family for help because there's a spider in my bed, in my pillow, sitting in the toilet sit, dangling above the bath, EVERYWHERE I TURN, THERE IS A SPIDER AND IT SCARES ME TO DEATH
Oh, and Dottie is a real spider from when I was about five or four. So is Boris. Literally, the only spiders I didn't fear. Though I wouldn't of touched them, like ever.