hi loves! I'm here to talk a little more about me. thanks again for 250 followers! >3<
likes: books, chocolates, Pokemon, Aphmau, cats, green, FNAF, anime, art, music, Miraculous Ladybug
so, In my project "My Story", I talked a little it about what I was feeling and going through in my Jr. High years. I'm going to go a little more in depth about that.
During that time, I started having very negative thoughts. I started to feel way out of place from the others, and I still feel like that to this day. I felt that nobody liked me or was really my friend and that nobody cared about me, and my parents weren't making this any better. they had no idea what I was going through, even to this day. I felt just so terrible, so awful. I hated myself and cried myself to sleep every night. I had a backpack ready and packed with clothes and money and anything else I would need to run away with. I almost grabbed my backpack one night, but decided to stay(I forgot why). through all of this, during school, I would smile and laugh and act normal to a point where everyone forgot how I truly acted. and, when I did act like my true self(which was really just me being quiet and to the side of everything else), everyone kept on asking if I was OK. asking what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong, that this was the real me. they all really believed that the real me was all sunshine and rainbows and positive thoughts. no one believed that that wasn't me.....no one. this only made it worse. I hated myself more and I hated everyone at school. they didn't care to know what I was going through. they didn't care to listen to me or give the time to know me a little more. It just hurt so much. I try not to tell my parents about this because of the way they react. my real dad will tell me that I should see a psychiatrist or something and my real mom and step-dad will just criticize me more. I'll tell them that I think that I'm not good enough and that I won't make it in the world and they'll say that it's because I don't try at all. but I do try, I do give it my best, I do give my all, but I still get nothing, just more yelling and criticism from them. they never FULLY listen to my statements, they never FULLY think of how I feel, just assumptions like, I just do all of this for attention. but I never wanted this pain, I never wanted attention, I just wanted to be left alone and never be bothered or listened to and be understood where my placement was.
for me, the only escape from this pain are from books and drawing and doing something else that wouldn't trigger these thoughts to build up, to just, have a safe wall around me to block out everything, but they want to take that away from me saying that it's a distraction from my school work and my learning.
pleas don't mistaken my parents for evil, cruel creatures poisoning the land with their terror, they're just not that good with communication and understanding. the're still good people,
I know it's a little long and a little depressing, but, if you want to vent out about how you feel, feel free to do so, I'll listen to you. thanks again, luvs! for you listening and supporting me. <3