Sorry. I feel like venting myself to the whole world right now.
I'm left out. The people I used to think were my friends. Deliberately trying to get me out of their table. Trying to exclude me. Trying to get me out of their lives. Life just happens to me, but what if this is life?
Piano lessons. They're exactly what Violin lessons are in CONNECTED. Recipe for torture. Whatever I said.
I come into the lesson saying Sorry I didn't get much practice. I was busy all week. Also, I can't concentrate very much, because my throat hurts whenever I swallow and one of my ears needs popping, it doesn't even though my nose is completely clear. It also hurts whenever I yawn. I doubt I should be at school at all.
He ignores me. Laughs at me. gets frustrated about how I don't know anything. Yet isn't that what I just explained!?
Classical music has never been my thing. Drama is going on in my school. I haven't got much practice due to my everlasting business. How can you blame me for not being able to play it very well? And yet this stupid piano teacher, STUPID PIANO TEACHER I REPEAT, believes that I can play this piece at the tempo it should be played at. I HAVE ONLY BEEN PLAYING THIS FOR LESS THAN A WEEK! I MAY BE MUSICAL, BUT I'M NOT A MUSIC GENIUS!
After this, I stand, tears leaking out of my eyes, outside the door. My throat hurts all the while. I cannot show that this is making me cry. It would make me feel stupid, silly. A girl asked if she could read my story, and I'm way too protective of them. If I'm with the person reading it, I'll feel like curling up in a corner defensively. This is the introvert side of me. I can't let it show. I need to be who they think I am, and while I am, I'm NOT!!! ARE YOU EXPECTING ME TO PLAY GRADE 5/6 BEETHOVEN FLUENTLY AFTER ONE WEEK, I ASK YOU!? I'M NOT A MIRACLE! I'M A PERFECTLY ORDINARY HUMAN BEING! WHY ME!? WHY ME!?