Hey sorry for inviting you
I just need to vent/rant, I’ve been going through a lot this April/may. Sorry just wanted to kinda JSJSJDJCJ you know?
Ugh I feel like I am the worst person ever. I feel like such a bad person, I probably am. ,y mother probably thinks so as well. My whole family tbh. Even people at school if I’m guessing. They’re just feeling sorry for a lose like me. I keep upsetting my friends lately and especially my bsf. She’s such a good person and she doesn’t deserve me. She already goes through so much at home and I feel like I’m just making things worse and crappier for her. I feel bad but today we had a small fight. I just told her to shut up bc she kept being loud and tbh I don’t like loud people but today I was in a real bad mood ig, and I obv didn’t mean it but she took it so seriously and she ignored me the rest of the day. Idk, but that really annoyed me like I was kinda angry, bc it’s not a big freaking deal, but t again I don’t wanna be annoying and sound like a brat bc maybe it’s something to do with her at home. Idk I don’t want anyone to get upset but I’m confused on why she’s so mad at one small thing and I was kinda close to snapping on her. She didn’t deserve it, she doesn’t deserve me. I’m so bad to her. So I left out gc that me and my friends have. I feel like everyone hates me and is against me, I’m so tired of having burdens and responsibilities all the time. I always have to be the one who is ‘perfect’ and I hate it, Ik I’m not bc my family tells me all the time. My dad made me cry in Saturday for something stupid which he causes, and he blames me for it. My mum didn’t even defend me she just agreed w him. The only time I feel truly happy is when I’m alone and w online friends, I’m getting sick of seeing people at this point bc everytime I do, I make things bad, or bad things happen. My other friend who hasn’t being doing well since lockdown kept trying to take her life, cuz of some issues. It’s kinda hurtful bc I keep telling her not to. Like what if she just dies one day? What am I supposed to do. Sit here knowing I could’ve helped her? But she’s gonna be dead, I don’t like it. She tried to hang herself yesterday, last week she tried drowning herself, I’m worried, and scared, and angry bc I just don’t want anyone to be hurt. It’s hurting me a lot.
Another thing, I genuinely feel like no one cares abt me, like I’m always just some extra person, like I’m not needed. I feel like ,y friends don’t like me bc none of them bothered to ask if I was ok today, they all hanged out w my bsf and probably asking her if she was ok. One of my other bsf was the only one who probably cares abt me. She’s the only one I can talk to freely without getting weird or uncomfortable. I like her a lot, shame we’re not in the same class. not romantic ofc.
I feel like a huge disappointment, a failure. No one wants me
Another thing I keep getting upset over is the fact that people keep bully some of my fav anime characters.
I sound like a brat probably Ik, it’s not funny anymore.
‘Oikawa is the worst!’
‘He’s so obnoxious!’
‘Why would you like him?’
‘He’s flat anyways.’
He’s one of my comfort characters so don’t say that. It’s making fun of someone’s body shape and it’s not even true.
‘I think he should get removed’
Well I like him, don’t say that.
Its not his fault
Sorry for making you read this.
I’m sorry :/