UPDATE PLEASE READ THE PROJECT!! OR READ DOWN HERE
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hey i am so so so depressed right now. I was just being myself. Sometimes i just want some privacy. My mum deletes and restricts all this stuff for my mental health, even though the stuff that she bans makes me happier than anything else has ever made me. I was trying to be like the frikking legend, yungblud, but she discovered the photos which forced me into this depression. When i get depressed, i cant control myself. last time it got this bad, i ripped up all my drawings, because i convinced myself that drawing was girly, so i got rid of all my drawings. now im convinced that being emo is bad, so i deleted all my photos, all of my apps, all of my digital drawings, all of my social media, all of my memories. Now i cant get them back, they are gone forever. Yesterday i was happy, walking around dressed like myself. Now i am afraid. I just want to cry right now. I would do anything to be literally anyone else. I would do anything to just grow up and move out and get a job so i can finally be myself. Lots of adults say to me and other people my age that this is the best times of our lives, and is way better than being adults, but i dont give a frik about doing chores and paying for everything when i can be myself and not be judged, and not have to deal with my family everyday of my life. i don't think that im gonna draw anymore, because as i said, i deleted every photo off my ipad, and i am too scared to get anymore photos on it. i deleted the ref photo of the drawing that i am doing atm, and i dont want to get the ref again, even though it is my absolute favourite drawing ever, even though its not even done yet. and i cant put a photo of it on this project because i deleted all my photos. i really want to finish it, but i know i cant. i have this terrible phobia of being judged. i will avoid doing certain things just so im not judged. everytime someone walks into the room, i turn my ipad off, or shut my book, or hide whatever im doing just because i dont want anyone to judge me, not because im doing something bad. i have gotten grounded for weeks because of it.
there. thats all of the update for ya. and you know what that means. i wont be posting anything anymore other than maybe an update from time to time.