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- axalea
-
Scratcher
12 posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
November 09: Cabin Wars!! (378 words)
Suhimalia stood grounded against the strong December wind, flakes of snow falling beside her. The gaudy Christmas lights boxed up in her dorm. Mourning doves weeped in song amidst the evergreen trees, depicting her mood for that early Monday morning. Suhimalia sighed. The melancholy air brought a wave of depression to her. She yearned for the light summer breeze, her sun-kissed tan. Her beautiful radiant amber eyes in the sun… her fantasies could go on and on. Suhimalia's chapped lips curved into a smile. She was more filled with life in those sultry months. Suhimalia wanted to retreat to the bittersweet memories.. they had all come rushing to her like the strong Malibu currents. The New England states were so somber and quiet, almost boring! She could only hope she had the time to visit her friends back on the west coast. But here she lay, in the abysmal snow, buried. She felt trapped at this university. Suhimalia knew she had the perfect life; a boyfriend, nice clothes, and a solid education. Suhimalia couldn't help but feel guilty for feeling so miserable. She knew exactly what she needed: a vacation! She hadn't known if this sentence was hope or delusion, but now, in the present, she felt happy. Her laughs were caught in the frigid winter sky, sounding through all of Boston university. Suhimalia felt fatigued just then, surrendering to her unconscious. A little nap wouldn't hurt, would it? Her fantasies would calm her down before… before…
…
“The finals!!”
Suhimalia gasped, suddenly awake from her reverie. She clutched her purse and ran towards her campus, which had solemnly disappeared. Where was she? This must be a part of her dream, she thought. Her head was pounding; she couldn't think straight. Suhimalia pinched herself, wincing. The sounds of seagulls calling replaced the sorrowful dove cries. Everything felt so real, and oddly nostalgic. Her dorm was still here… but this wasn't Massachusetts! Had she just been caught up in a spun-off Wizard of Oz? And she was Dorothy? If it wasn't for her disorientation, Suhimalia would have laughed. Her eyes adjusted to the vibrant sun, looking around. She spotted the white sand and the crash of waves across the shore. What had happened? Had her wish come true?
—
November 13: Daily inspired by a song! 348 words. (Fragile by Laufey!!)
A year and forty days,
it had been, and Cordelia wasn't over it. “It” wasn't just him, it was the sudden feel of security and belonging - she finally had a steady relationship! But if she knew beforehand that they weren't meant to be, she wouldn't have made herself go through it all. But who was she and what could she have become without her all past mistakes? What was her character without the regret that ate her alive? It seemed the Universe always found a way to shatter her apart. Maybe it was a lesson that had to be learnt, but she couldn't get the memo. It felt like everyone was hammering at her heart, and she was choking on the broken pieces.
Perhaps she just needed to find comfort within herself, become her own best friend. However, every moment referenced back to him. The soft candle glow, the music so slow. Cordelia missed him but she shouldn't! He was a figment of the past. She'd lost all sensibility in those vulnerable moments, but they'd shaped her into the person she was today. Cordelia knew she had to focus on the present and the future rather than the past. Everything had happened for a reason.
“Why don't you just find someone new?”
She had tried; but it never worked out. She felt that she was using them for distractions. It was selfish. Cordelia couldn't bear the feeling that she was making all these men feel the way she felt after James left her. She had to find inner peace beyond desire.
But as the memories flooded back to her, she had to learn to accept her fate rather than forget it. She couldn't miss him. She had always grown up sensitive to love, protected by a thin barrier of glass. He had broken it. He found the key to her locked-up heart. He had changed the way she thought, dressed, ate, felt. He was everything she had dreamed of, but to him, she was a forgotten memory, or so she thought..
Regardless,
she'd never been so fragile.
Suhimalia stood grounded against the strong December wind, flakes of snow falling beside her. The gaudy Christmas lights boxed up in her dorm. Mourning doves weeped in song amidst the evergreen trees, depicting her mood for that early Monday morning. Suhimalia sighed. The melancholy air brought a wave of depression to her. She yearned for the light summer breeze, her sun-kissed tan. Her beautiful radiant amber eyes in the sun… her fantasies could go on and on. Suhimalia's chapped lips curved into a smile. She was more filled with life in those sultry months. Suhimalia wanted to retreat to the bittersweet memories.. they had all come rushing to her like the strong Malibu currents. The New England states were so somber and quiet, almost boring! She could only hope she had the time to visit her friends back on the west coast. But here she lay, in the abysmal snow, buried. She felt trapped at this university. Suhimalia knew she had the perfect life; a boyfriend, nice clothes, and a solid education. Suhimalia couldn't help but feel guilty for feeling so miserable. She knew exactly what she needed: a vacation! She hadn't known if this sentence was hope or delusion, but now, in the present, she felt happy. Her laughs were caught in the frigid winter sky, sounding through all of Boston university. Suhimalia felt fatigued just then, surrendering to her unconscious. A little nap wouldn't hurt, would it? Her fantasies would calm her down before… before…
…
“The finals!!”
Suhimalia gasped, suddenly awake from her reverie. She clutched her purse and ran towards her campus, which had solemnly disappeared. Where was she? This must be a part of her dream, she thought. Her head was pounding; she couldn't think straight. Suhimalia pinched herself, wincing. The sounds of seagulls calling replaced the sorrowful dove cries. Everything felt so real, and oddly nostalgic. Her dorm was still here… but this wasn't Massachusetts! Had she just been caught up in a spun-off Wizard of Oz? And she was Dorothy? If it wasn't for her disorientation, Suhimalia would have laughed. Her eyes adjusted to the vibrant sun, looking around. She spotted the white sand and the crash of waves across the shore. What had happened? Had her wish come true?
—
November 13: Daily inspired by a song! 348 words. (Fragile by Laufey!!)
A year and forty days,
it had been, and Cordelia wasn't over it. “It” wasn't just him, it was the sudden feel of security and belonging - she finally had a steady relationship! But if she knew beforehand that they weren't meant to be, she wouldn't have made herself go through it all. But who was she and what could she have become without her all past mistakes? What was her character without the regret that ate her alive? It seemed the Universe always found a way to shatter her apart. Maybe it was a lesson that had to be learnt, but she couldn't get the memo. It felt like everyone was hammering at her heart, and she was choking on the broken pieces.
Perhaps she just needed to find comfort within herself, become her own best friend. However, every moment referenced back to him. The soft candle glow, the music so slow. Cordelia missed him but she shouldn't! He was a figment of the past. She'd lost all sensibility in those vulnerable moments, but they'd shaped her into the person she was today. Cordelia knew she had to focus on the present and the future rather than the past. Everything had happened for a reason.
“Why don't you just find someone new?”
She had tried; but it never worked out. She felt that she was using them for distractions. It was selfish. Cordelia couldn't bear the feeling that she was making all these men feel the way she felt after James left her. She had to find inner peace beyond desire.
But as the memories flooded back to her, she had to learn to accept her fate rather than forget it. She couldn't miss him. She had always grown up sensitive to love, protected by a thin barrier of glass. He had broken it. He found the key to her locked-up heart. He had changed the way she thought, dressed, ate, felt. He was everything she had dreamed of, but to him, she was a forgotten memory, or so she thought..
Regardless,
she'd never been so fragile.
Last edited by axalea (Nov. 13, 2024 23:49:15)
- AmazaEevee
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
Weekly #1
11/9/2024
1253 words
Part 1:
487 words
"So like, you know, it was SO annoying that these blue aliens–really ugly things, let me tell you–didn't even try to be nice to us? Like, we already had to see them and that was torture enough. I just had to keep them from getting in the ship, but they were so persistent. Good for them, I guess, but it just made the entire thing so unnecessary!“ Eve rambles, gesturing her hands and slumps back with a sigh. ”You'd really think that after surviving the Armageddon, things would get easier.“ She rolls her eyes, snapping a baby carrot in half and plopping it in her mouth. She really didn't understand how they had so much energy after battling what seemed like 2 hours.
Evelyn picks at her bread, humming lightly in acknowledgement. ”Eve, I don't think that sounds quite as bad as the Armageddon though…“ Eve's recent grumblings over her missions weren't unwelcome, but rather, quite repetitive for Evelyn.
”Whatever, it was bad enough. I just want a break!“ Eve groans, biting into her sandwich.
”Do you think it's really good for you to keep going on mission after mission?“ Evelyn asks. Eve's workaholic tendencies worried Evelyn and a break seemed long overdue.
”Hmm?“
She rests her chin on the back of her hand. ”You keep talking about going on this mission and then going off to fight that. Wouldn't it be good for you to take a break if you want one so much?“
Eve narrows her eyes at her. ”How do you expect me to do that?“ Why would she have to go on a break, when her presence was always needed. There was always something for her to do.
Evelyn sighs. ”Take a break! I know it's a foreign concept to you, but you could stay on the island with me for a bit. I could use the company. Much better than those goats anyways.“ She gives a small smile.
”But there's always so much to do!“ Eve wails. ”Things to protect, enemies to attack; I can't take a break, I can't!“
”Eve, Eve!“
”What?“ Eve snaps, then deflates. ”Sorry, what?“
”You don't have to protect everyone. You aren't in charge of patrolling the entire universe. Your teammates are out there, aren't they? Yeah. It's not your job to do all of that, so take a break. Please.“ Evelyn says gently.
”Fine, I'll think about it.“ Eve crosses her arms. ”But don't be expecting me to help you out in that big old garden of yours. Monsters, good; plants, bad.“ Spending so much time in space, she can practically guarantee that she and plants will not mix. The last time she had a potted plant… Let's just say she doesn't like to bring it up much.
Evelyn raises an eyebrow. ”Okay? Just let me show you around the island, there's so much for you to see!“ She grabs her plate and gets up. ”Coming?"
Part 2:
197 words (49 words of dialogue)
This cave was damp, dark, and it sucks having terrible company. I can't believe I got stuck with Maggie of all people as my partner. Ugh.
“Don't you think that this worm looks like the most beautiful thing in the world?” Maggie squeals, shoving the giant translucent worm into my face as I step backwards.
I mimic a squeal. “Oh, it's just the most beautiful thing in the world!” I roll my eyes. “Put the worm down, Maggie. We're not supposed to touch anything.”
“Fine!” She places the worm down gingerly and stomps off ahead.
As long as she leaves me alone, I'll be fine. Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of luck.
“DENISE!” her voice echoes in the caves, as I cover my ears.
“What?” I call back, placing the flashlight's beam in front of my feet, as I navigate around the rocky ground.
Her voice wavers and bounces through the walls, shriller than I would like. “There's a big dark scary thing!”
I sigh, quickening my pace, following the sound of her voice. I come to a stop as I see her shaking with her lantern on the ground behind her. “Girl, that's your shadow-”
Part 3:
316 words
The two sisters huddle close together, standing at the trail leading into the dark woods. Wind whistles through the bare trees, shaking leaves from their beds. This is where they were told to go, but…
“Are- are you sure Gwen told us to come this way?” Sydney asks, her hands playing with the end of her sleeve.
Kendall nods, hands shaking as she intertwines her fingers with Sydney's. “That's what she told me when we were- when she was telling me where we had to go. It's scarier looking than I thought.”
Sydney grits her teeth and squeezes Kendall's hand. She tugs her sister’s arm lightly, as she heads in. “Come on, let's go.”
They walk deeper into the forest, hand in hand. The eerie noises of wildlife paired with the setting sun casting deep shadows causes Kendall to flinch against Sydney, when a squirrel skitters across the forest floor.
“Don't worry, I've got you,” Sydney says softly.
Kendall clings to her sister’s side, eyes flicking left and right. “I didn’t think she meant to lead us here. It’s not what we talked about.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Kendall mumbles, lowering her head.
They followed the trail, sticking by each other, even as the sun was almost set and goosebumps dotted on their legs.
Sydney stops when they reach a wooden fence, cutting off the trail.
“Kendall?”
“Yes?”
“Kendall, why did Gwen send us here?” she asks, tightening her grip on her sister’s hand.
Kendall struggles to loosen their interlocked hands and sighs. “She said we could pull a prank on you and that it’d be really funny. Syd, I didn’t know, I promise. I don’t think this is funny! I don’t even know where she is!”
Sydney shakes her head. “You shouldn’t have just followed what she said blindly. She probably just wanted to scare us. Come on, let’s go back home.”
“I’m sorry,” Kendall says softly.
Part 4:
253 words
Eevee stands in the center, with Angel on the left of her and Devil on the right.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀No! We can't do that to Cheese Jr; he's so floofy and soft! We must not let harm get to him.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Do you know what he did? He ate our hair dryer. The sparkly expensive one, remember? How can a cow eat that? Listen, all I'm saying is get revenge, get justice on the little guy!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀He did eat my expensive hair dryer that I saved up a ton for…
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀See!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀…but I don't think it's fair to torture him for a mistake.
Angel smirks and Devil rolls her eyes.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀See?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀But that's not the only crime that Cheese Jr has committed! Remember Bakie's garden? Ruined! He chomped through them and messed up all the bushes. And remember the last time you saw the neighborhood kids? It's been years, who do you think is the cause of that?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀He was hungry! After being on the run from the hosts, imagine how starved the poor guy was. He had to go to extreme measures in order to ensure his survival!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀But not if his survival comes at the costs of many others! If he was a human, Cheese Jr would be described very differently…
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Devil does have a point. Cheese Jr has done many illegal things and I don't think that all of them are justified.
Angel tears up.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀He's just a floofy little cow though…
11/9/2024
1253 words
Part 1:
487 words
"So like, you know, it was SO annoying that these blue aliens–really ugly things, let me tell you–didn't even try to be nice to us? Like, we already had to see them and that was torture enough. I just had to keep them from getting in the ship, but they were so persistent. Good for them, I guess, but it just made the entire thing so unnecessary!“ Eve rambles, gesturing her hands and slumps back with a sigh. ”You'd really think that after surviving the Armageddon, things would get easier.“ She rolls her eyes, snapping a baby carrot in half and plopping it in her mouth. She really didn't understand how they had so much energy after battling what seemed like 2 hours.
Evelyn picks at her bread, humming lightly in acknowledgement. ”Eve, I don't think that sounds quite as bad as the Armageddon though…“ Eve's recent grumblings over her missions weren't unwelcome, but rather, quite repetitive for Evelyn.
”Whatever, it was bad enough. I just want a break!“ Eve groans, biting into her sandwich.
”Do you think it's really good for you to keep going on mission after mission?“ Evelyn asks. Eve's workaholic tendencies worried Evelyn and a break seemed long overdue.
”Hmm?“
She rests her chin on the back of her hand. ”You keep talking about going on this mission and then going off to fight that. Wouldn't it be good for you to take a break if you want one so much?“
Eve narrows her eyes at her. ”How do you expect me to do that?“ Why would she have to go on a break, when her presence was always needed. There was always something for her to do.
Evelyn sighs. ”Take a break! I know it's a foreign concept to you, but you could stay on the island with me for a bit. I could use the company. Much better than those goats anyways.“ She gives a small smile.
”But there's always so much to do!“ Eve wails. ”Things to protect, enemies to attack; I can't take a break, I can't!“
”Eve, Eve!“
”What?“ Eve snaps, then deflates. ”Sorry, what?“
”You don't have to protect everyone. You aren't in charge of patrolling the entire universe. Your teammates are out there, aren't they? Yeah. It's not your job to do all of that, so take a break. Please.“ Evelyn says gently.
”Fine, I'll think about it.“ Eve crosses her arms. ”But don't be expecting me to help you out in that big old garden of yours. Monsters, good; plants, bad.“ Spending so much time in space, she can practically guarantee that she and plants will not mix. The last time she had a potted plant… Let's just say she doesn't like to bring it up much.
Evelyn raises an eyebrow. ”Okay? Just let me show you around the island, there's so much for you to see!“ She grabs her plate and gets up. ”Coming?"
Part 2:
197 words (49 words of dialogue)
This cave was damp, dark, and it sucks having terrible company. I can't believe I got stuck with Maggie of all people as my partner. Ugh.
“Don't you think that this worm looks like the most beautiful thing in the world?” Maggie squeals, shoving the giant translucent worm into my face as I step backwards.
I mimic a squeal. “Oh, it's just the most beautiful thing in the world!” I roll my eyes. “Put the worm down, Maggie. We're not supposed to touch anything.”
“Fine!” She places the worm down gingerly and stomps off ahead.
As long as she leaves me alone, I'll be fine. Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of luck.
“DENISE!” her voice echoes in the caves, as I cover my ears.
“What?” I call back, placing the flashlight's beam in front of my feet, as I navigate around the rocky ground.
Her voice wavers and bounces through the walls, shriller than I would like. “There's a big dark scary thing!”
I sigh, quickening my pace, following the sound of her voice. I come to a stop as I see her shaking with her lantern on the ground behind her. “Girl, that's your shadow-”
Part 3:
316 words
The two sisters huddle close together, standing at the trail leading into the dark woods. Wind whistles through the bare trees, shaking leaves from their beds. This is where they were told to go, but…
“Are- are you sure Gwen told us to come this way?” Sydney asks, her hands playing with the end of her sleeve.
Kendall nods, hands shaking as she intertwines her fingers with Sydney's. “That's what she told me when we were- when she was telling me where we had to go. It's scarier looking than I thought.”
Sydney grits her teeth and squeezes Kendall's hand. She tugs her sister’s arm lightly, as she heads in. “Come on, let's go.”
They walk deeper into the forest, hand in hand. The eerie noises of wildlife paired with the setting sun casting deep shadows causes Kendall to flinch against Sydney, when a squirrel skitters across the forest floor.
“Don't worry, I've got you,” Sydney says softly.
Kendall clings to her sister’s side, eyes flicking left and right. “I didn’t think she meant to lead us here. It’s not what we talked about.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Kendall mumbles, lowering her head.
They followed the trail, sticking by each other, even as the sun was almost set and goosebumps dotted on their legs.
Sydney stops when they reach a wooden fence, cutting off the trail.
“Kendall?”
“Yes?”
“Kendall, why did Gwen send us here?” she asks, tightening her grip on her sister’s hand.
Kendall struggles to loosen their interlocked hands and sighs. “She said we could pull a prank on you and that it’d be really funny. Syd, I didn’t know, I promise. I don’t think this is funny! I don’t even know where she is!”
Sydney shakes her head. “You shouldn’t have just followed what she said blindly. She probably just wanted to scare us. Come on, let’s go back home.”
“I’m sorry,” Kendall says softly.
Part 4:
253 words
Eevee stands in the center, with Angel on the left of her and Devil on the right.
ANGEL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀No! We can't do that to Cheese Jr; he's so floofy and soft! We must not let harm get to him.
DEVIL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Do you know what he did? He ate our hair dryer. The sparkly expensive one, remember? How can a cow eat that? Listen, all I'm saying is get revenge, get justice on the little guy!
EEVEE
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀He did eat my expensive hair dryer that I saved up a ton for…
DEVIL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀See!
EEVEE
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀…but I don't think it's fair to torture him for a mistake.
Angel smirks and Devil rolls her eyes.
ANGEL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀See?
DEVIL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀But that's not the only crime that Cheese Jr has committed! Remember Bakie's garden? Ruined! He chomped through them and messed up all the bushes. And remember the last time you saw the neighborhood kids? It's been years, who do you think is the cause of that?
ANGEL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀He was hungry! After being on the run from the hosts, imagine how starved the poor guy was. He had to go to extreme measures in order to ensure his survival!
DEVIL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀But not if his survival comes at the costs of many others! If he was a human, Cheese Jr would be described very differently…
EEVEE
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Devil does have a point. Cheese Jr has done many illegal things and I don't think that all of them are justified.
Angel tears up.
ANGEL
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀He's just a floofy little cow though…
Last edited by AmazaEevee (Nov. 9, 2024 23:34:12)
- chrisluk002
-
Scratcher
23 posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
< Weekly #1 >
Part 1: Character Consistency (468 Words)
Sharkfin poked his mom excitedly, bouncing up and down as he begged and begged for her to get up. “Mom! Mom! Mom wake up! MOM!” The parental figure in question mumbled, opening an eye but refusing to get up. “Yes dear…? What is it?” She was very tired after a long night of hunting, but she did her best to sound interested in what the little dragonet had to say. She hoped it wasn't too serious.
The dragonet paused, the question seeming to catch him off guard, as if he'd entirely forgot why he was disturbing his sleeping mother. Maybe he hadn't had a reason in the first place, but suddenly he felt like he needed one. “Uhhh… oh, okie, watch dis!” He lifted his wings, tilting them side to side in a rhythmic pattern. While it was cute, his mom wasn't feeling like a morning dragon today. “Yes very nice… mother needs to… rest now…” She closed her eyes again, and got about two minutes of sleep before Sharkfin poked her again. “Mom?” “Yes dear?” “Measure my tail todayyyy?” “No dear, we already did it this week.” “Pleaseeeeeee?” Sharkfin waited for an answer, and when he didn't he reached his tiny hands over and used them to pry open his mother's eyelid. “PLEEEEEEEEEASEEEEEE-” She sighed. “Okay, we'll measure it today if-” “YAYYYY!!!!! Tail tail tail tail tail!” Sharkfin began chanting, and his mom reluctantly interrupted. “IF you let me sleep a few more minutes.”
The dragonet made a sad expression. “Buh-” “Is there something you need me for?” “TAIL-” “I know dear, I said we would later.” The dragon gave up, walking away to occupy himself, leaving his mother to rest a while longer.
Some time passed and she finally began waking when she was once again reunited with her little one, this time in the form of jumping directly onto her stomach. After overcoming the casual pain she looked at Sharkfin, clearly awake now. She pushed down the reactionary anger and looked at him somewhat sternly. “What was that for Sharkin?” He looked at her with an adorable expression, but it slowly started to melt away. “I… wanned to be wiff you…”
She was still pretty upset, but what made her more upset was the fact that she couldn't stay mad at him with that voice of his. She wrapped him into a big hug. “Alright. I'll spend time with you.” He smiled, happy about that. He was about to speak again but his mom grabbed his snout. “If you're quiet, okay?” She had her limits, but she really was happy he wanted to be with her. She lifted a wing and he wiggled under it, making a warm happy sound. She held him there, closing her eyes. Maybe she could rest… just a little more.
Part 2: Dialogue (Originally 233, cut down to 100 Words)
“I'm tired.”
“You haven't done anything, you don't get to be tired.”
“Don't play these games with me. That's not my fault and you know it.”
“Honey, I EXCLUSIVELY play games. Did you expect me to have a reasonable argument? You clearly don't know me very well, and I fully intend to keep it that way.”
“…You're infuriating.”
“Seems to be all I am lately. Who needs to care about the cat saying silly words, that's my middle name.”
“Leave me alone.”
“They won't let you find what you want. Best to go elsewhere. Maybe you'll make a difference there.”
Part 3: Foreshadowing (Featuring Paulina! ( @Minergold48 ‘s OC)) (643 Words)
Melody rubbed her head, having a big headache. She’d finished up a world tour, playing in every major city her siblings had rule over. It'd been rough… and in this moment she wasn't sure the headache was worth it. She knew she wouldn't be as popular as when this was a full (FULL) time job quite some time ago. Was it better for her mental health? Considerably- but she also missed how happy being busy kept her. Some of it was fake, but some of it was real too. Sometimes she couldn't tell what the difference was. Now she was feeling a lot of tired, unsure, and just okay.
She had a lot of joy nowadays too, mostly taking care of Boop. The adopted little guy was full of energy and love for her, always trying to cheer her up when she was upset. Which happened fairly often. Emotions are weird. Boop was having a well deserved nap now. She'd done her best to keep his sleep schedule healthy but late night concerts made it difficult sometimes. She was glad he was resting so she had some time to think to herse-
Melody was surprised as there was a ping on her summoning area. A sibling was visiting? She got a little excited, quite happy when she got these kinds of visits. She dusted herself off, made sure her hair looked okay, before heading to the teleportation chamber, which was a fancy way of saying fast travel. It was terribly convenient. She headed over and was surprised to see Paulina, deity of chaos, with a huge grin on her face and holding a bouquet of flowers and snacks. Melody did a double take, having not expected her to visit first, but was scooped up in a big hug from the pink hedgehog. “Melodyyyyy!” Paulina squeezed the mouse, who squirmed for breath. Despite this, Melody was thrilled, and did her best to hug her back. “Paulina-!” “You did so good!!!” Paulina slowly let go of Melody. “I went to every concert I could!” “I know! Thank you so much!!” Melody stepped to the side. “Please, come in!!”
While Paulina crashed on the couch Melody headed over to her kitchen. “Can I get you anything? I'm so happy you came-!” “No, that's fine-” “NOOOOO I insist- you came all this way!” Paulina figured Melody wouldn't let her say no, so she figured she'd let her treat her. “I dunno, I could use something sweet.” “I've got just the thing.” Melody waved her hand like a conductor, a bowl sliding to her side. She brought over some vanilla and chocolate ice cream with banana slices and caramel. Paulina took it gratefully. “Thanks- it's perfect.” Melody came over and sat on the floor, not wanting to make Paulina scoot. Paulina certainly offered but Melody declined. “You look so cozy there-” “Yeahhhh I need to relax.” Paulina sat up, donning a fancy sounding voice. “I've been busy with PROFESSIONAL DEITY stuff-” The both of them giggled. “Yeah… it happens.” “You planning on taking a break after the tour?” Melody nodded, tapping her finger on the carpet. “Yeah… probably. I feel like my head is already planning whatever I'm gonna do next, but I have no idea what I'm gonna do.” Paulina nodded, taking the spoon out of the bowl and trying some of the dessert. “I get that- I'm always excited to try new things, find new adventures…” “And that's a good thing!” Melody encouraged. “With me I just… don't know if being busy or being calm is better for me- It's weird.” Paulina shrugged. “I'm not really… the best to talk to when it comes to mental well-being… but I'd say just visit with family and friends.” Melody nodded. “Thanks for visiting. It's helped a lot.” Paulina smiled. “Of course. Any time… especially when you're offering treats!”
Part 4: Script (217 Words)
The Most of Cliches
Characters 1 and 3
C1: Is this just supposed to annoy people?
C3: Not intentionally, our author is just tired and wanted to make a funny gag.
Author: Don't judge me. It was Word Wars.
C1: It's called Cabin was-
C3: That's my line- why are you taking my lines!
C1: Hush, we're not going to get to the word goal if we keep arguing!
C3: Wait- but wouldn't arguing get us more words? Getting along means less dialogue. Isn't dialog the whole point?
*the author, shrugs, a tired expression stapled to his face*
C2: Sorry he wasn't expecting to have to write a script-
C3: Hey what are you doing here! You're not listed in the cast- Noooo now the skipped number gag is ruined-
C1: Uggg this was a waste of time- At least we'll get the points?
C2: True… Maybe the next prompt will let him make something better than… whatever this is.
C1: Sooo… do we just stop existing when this is over?
C2: That's pretty existential.
C2 shrugs, looking at C3
C3: Why are you looking at me like that? Is this all just leading up to a bad joke?
C2: Probably. C1, what do you think?
C1: I think we just ran out of words.
C4: *explodes*
Part 1: Character Consistency (468 Words)
Sharkfin poked his mom excitedly, bouncing up and down as he begged and begged for her to get up. “Mom! Mom! Mom wake up! MOM!” The parental figure in question mumbled, opening an eye but refusing to get up. “Yes dear…? What is it?” She was very tired after a long night of hunting, but she did her best to sound interested in what the little dragonet had to say. She hoped it wasn't too serious.
The dragonet paused, the question seeming to catch him off guard, as if he'd entirely forgot why he was disturbing his sleeping mother. Maybe he hadn't had a reason in the first place, but suddenly he felt like he needed one. “Uhhh… oh, okie, watch dis!” He lifted his wings, tilting them side to side in a rhythmic pattern. While it was cute, his mom wasn't feeling like a morning dragon today. “Yes very nice… mother needs to… rest now…” She closed her eyes again, and got about two minutes of sleep before Sharkfin poked her again. “Mom?” “Yes dear?” “Measure my tail todayyyy?” “No dear, we already did it this week.” “Pleaseeeeeee?” Sharkfin waited for an answer, and when he didn't he reached his tiny hands over and used them to pry open his mother's eyelid. “PLEEEEEEEEEASEEEEEE-” She sighed. “Okay, we'll measure it today if-” “YAYYYY!!!!! Tail tail tail tail tail!” Sharkfin began chanting, and his mom reluctantly interrupted. “IF you let me sleep a few more minutes.”
The dragonet made a sad expression. “Buh-” “Is there something you need me for?” “TAIL-” “I know dear, I said we would later.” The dragon gave up, walking away to occupy himself, leaving his mother to rest a while longer.
Some time passed and she finally began waking when she was once again reunited with her little one, this time in the form of jumping directly onto her stomach. After overcoming the casual pain she looked at Sharkfin, clearly awake now. She pushed down the reactionary anger and looked at him somewhat sternly. “What was that for Sharkin?” He looked at her with an adorable expression, but it slowly started to melt away. “I… wanned to be wiff you…”
She was still pretty upset, but what made her more upset was the fact that she couldn't stay mad at him with that voice of his. She wrapped him into a big hug. “Alright. I'll spend time with you.” He smiled, happy about that. He was about to speak again but his mom grabbed his snout. “If you're quiet, okay?” She had her limits, but she really was happy he wanted to be with her. She lifted a wing and he wiggled under it, making a warm happy sound. She held him there, closing her eyes. Maybe she could rest… just a little more.
Part 2: Dialogue (Originally 233, cut down to 100 Words)
“I'm tired.”
“You haven't done anything, you don't get to be tired.”
“Don't play these games with me. That's not my fault and you know it.”
“Honey, I EXCLUSIVELY play games. Did you expect me to have a reasonable argument? You clearly don't know me very well, and I fully intend to keep it that way.”
“…You're infuriating.”
“Seems to be all I am lately. Who needs to care about the cat saying silly words, that's my middle name.”
“Leave me alone.”
“They won't let you find what you want. Best to go elsewhere. Maybe you'll make a difference there.”
Part 3: Foreshadowing (Featuring Paulina! ( @Minergold48 ‘s OC)) (643 Words)
Melody rubbed her head, having a big headache. She’d finished up a world tour, playing in every major city her siblings had rule over. It'd been rough… and in this moment she wasn't sure the headache was worth it. She knew she wouldn't be as popular as when this was a full (FULL) time job quite some time ago. Was it better for her mental health? Considerably- but she also missed how happy being busy kept her. Some of it was fake, but some of it was real too. Sometimes she couldn't tell what the difference was. Now she was feeling a lot of tired, unsure, and just okay.
She had a lot of joy nowadays too, mostly taking care of Boop. The adopted little guy was full of energy and love for her, always trying to cheer her up when she was upset. Which happened fairly often. Emotions are weird. Boop was having a well deserved nap now. She'd done her best to keep his sleep schedule healthy but late night concerts made it difficult sometimes. She was glad he was resting so she had some time to think to herse-
Melody was surprised as there was a ping on her summoning area. A sibling was visiting? She got a little excited, quite happy when she got these kinds of visits. She dusted herself off, made sure her hair looked okay, before heading to the teleportation chamber, which was a fancy way of saying fast travel. It was terribly convenient. She headed over and was surprised to see Paulina, deity of chaos, with a huge grin on her face and holding a bouquet of flowers and snacks. Melody did a double take, having not expected her to visit first, but was scooped up in a big hug from the pink hedgehog. “Melodyyyyy!” Paulina squeezed the mouse, who squirmed for breath. Despite this, Melody was thrilled, and did her best to hug her back. “Paulina-!” “You did so good!!!” Paulina slowly let go of Melody. “I went to every concert I could!” “I know! Thank you so much!!” Melody stepped to the side. “Please, come in!!”
While Paulina crashed on the couch Melody headed over to her kitchen. “Can I get you anything? I'm so happy you came-!” “No, that's fine-” “NOOOOO I insist- you came all this way!” Paulina figured Melody wouldn't let her say no, so she figured she'd let her treat her. “I dunno, I could use something sweet.” “I've got just the thing.” Melody waved her hand like a conductor, a bowl sliding to her side. She brought over some vanilla and chocolate ice cream with banana slices and caramel. Paulina took it gratefully. “Thanks- it's perfect.” Melody came over and sat on the floor, not wanting to make Paulina scoot. Paulina certainly offered but Melody declined. “You look so cozy there-” “Yeahhhh I need to relax.” Paulina sat up, donning a fancy sounding voice. “I've been busy with PROFESSIONAL DEITY stuff-” The both of them giggled. “Yeah… it happens.” “You planning on taking a break after the tour?” Melody nodded, tapping her finger on the carpet. “Yeah… probably. I feel like my head is already planning whatever I'm gonna do next, but I have no idea what I'm gonna do.” Paulina nodded, taking the spoon out of the bowl and trying some of the dessert. “I get that- I'm always excited to try new things, find new adventures…” “And that's a good thing!” Melody encouraged. “With me I just… don't know if being busy or being calm is better for me- It's weird.” Paulina shrugged. “I'm not really… the best to talk to when it comes to mental well-being… but I'd say just visit with family and friends.” Melody nodded. “Thanks for visiting. It's helped a lot.” Paulina smiled. “Of course. Any time… especially when you're offering treats!”
Part 4: Script (217 Words)
The Most of Cliches
Characters 1 and 3
C1: Is this just supposed to annoy people?
C3: Not intentionally, our author is just tired and wanted to make a funny gag.
Author: Don't judge me. It was Word Wars.
C1: It's called Cabin was-
C3: That's my line- why are you taking my lines!
C1: Hush, we're not going to get to the word goal if we keep arguing!
C3: Wait- but wouldn't arguing get us more words? Getting along means less dialogue. Isn't dialog the whole point?
*the author, shrugs, a tired expression stapled to his face*
C2: Sorry he wasn't expecting to have to write a script-
C3: Hey what are you doing here! You're not listed in the cast- Noooo now the skipped number gag is ruined-
C1: Uggg this was a waste of time- At least we'll get the points?
C2: True… Maybe the next prompt will let him make something better than… whatever this is.
C1: Sooo… do we just stop existing when this is over?
C2: That's pretty existential.
C2 shrugs, looking at C3
C3: Why are you looking at me like that? Is this all just leading up to a bad joke?
C2: Probably. C1, what do you think?
C1: I think we just ran out of words.
C4: *explodes*
- wolfiebear-
-
Scratcher
100+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
weekly one
part 1 - 656 words
part 2 - 295 words, dialogue 46
part 3 - 412 words
part 4 - 211 words
part 1 - 656 words
“What do you have for me today?” The old man standing in front of Ezra asked, with a stern and proper-sounding voice. His perfectly trimmed hair and neat, brown suit made him look like the epitome of an academic, and the round glasses perched on his nose completed the image. Ezra knew that he wasn’t entirely the kind, friendly professor he looked.
Ezra rummaged through his satchel, pulling out a golden disk. It was covered in archaic engravings, some runic language Ezra had never seen before. He wondered, briefly, what it meant, where it had come from. He didn’t let himself think about it too hard, and set the disk on the table. “I found it in the junkyards past Stratford. It looks valuable.”
The man’s eyes lit up with avarice upon seeing the piece of metal in front of him. “Not bad,” he said appraisingly. “I’ll give you two thousand for it.”
Ezra did a double-take. Two thousand. He didn’t let any emotion cross over his face, however, and now that he knew how valuable the piece of trash was he was prepared to barter. “Obviously nothing under three would be suitable.”
The man stared back at him. He thought for a second, and decided to take the smart course of action. “Fine, three thousand.” He held his hand out and Ezra gripped it firmly. A wad of cash was passed over the table, and Ezra turned on his heel and strutted out the door. He was rich.
The sun had begun to sink in the sky, and Ezra hurried home in the dim light. No one would know he had so much money on him, but he wasn’t willing to risk it. He pulled out his key and fought with the doorknob until the door swung open–albeit grudgingly and with quite a bit of squealing. Ezra sat on the moth-eaten couch and put his bag on the floor in front of him. He ran his hand through his hair, almost afraid to look at the money he had just earned. Ezra had no idea that the disk was so valuable. As he was reaching into the satchel, he heard a loud crashing noise coming from the room next to his. Someone swore loudly, and Ezra recognized the voice immediately.
“Jess, how many times have I told you to let me know when you break into my apartment?” Ezra yelled across the room, but he wasn’t really angry. His best friend, Jessica, was his partner in crime (quite literally) and he could never get truly mad at her.
“Sorryyyyy,” Jess drew out the word sarcastically, popping her head around the corner. “I wanted a sandwich but I didn’t have any peanut butter. And then I saw that you had chocolate milk but it was on the top shelf in the fridge and so I was trying to get it but I couldn’t reach…” Ezra snorted, and Jess glared at him. She was a whopping five feet one inch tall, and Ezra never passed up a chance to tease her about it. “Anyway so I was trying to find a stool but you didn’t have one so I took a chair from your table but it was really wobbly and it kinda fell but I’m okay!”
Ezra was more confused than he had been when Jess started her tirade. “You lost me at peanut butter, but you’re okay?” She nodded, skipping into the room and sitting on the ground in front of Ezra.
“Did you sell it?”
“Yes…” Ezra said slowly, reaching his hand into the bag and drawing out a handful of cash.
“Oh. My. GOD. Do you know how much food we could buy with this! I could buy a dress! AND shoes! Oh my god!” Jess’ face lit up. Her smile was infectious, and soon they were both laughing and grinning, throwing the money around the room like they were in a movie.
part 2 - 295 words, dialogue 46
Everything is blurry. I’m lying on a bed, I think. There’s a sheet on top of me. It’s very scratchy. It might be blue. I can’t feel my left arm. I blink, clearing away some of the fuzz. There’s a machine beeping next to me, and the air conditioning is screaming into my ear. I want to go back to sleep. I startle awake. I don’t know how long it’s been. There’s a glass of water next to my bed. I can see it from my peripheral vision. I try to lift the sheet up but it weighs a hundred pounds. The door opens. It’s the loudest thing I’ve ever heard. No, wait. The footsteps of an army marching in are louder. Someone’s clothes rustle. I see a figure. It might be a woman.
“Hello.” I move my eyes to meet hers. It hurt my head. My head hurts. “My name is Dr. Jenson.” Dr. Jenson looks kind. I wonder if she has a family. I had a family once, too. “You’re Cleo, right?”
I can’t nod. I can’t say anything. I look at her as if I’m trying to telepathically communicate that I am Cleo. She seems to get the message. “Cleo, you’ve been in a car accident. It should have been fatal, but you were so, so strong and pulled through. We’re all so proud of you.” Car accident. Car accident. Is that what it’s called when your father left and your mother tried to drive off of a bridge? There’s too much to say.
“However, I don’t think you’ll be able to walk again.” Walk. Put one foot in front of the other. Never. Never ever. Forever. Once, in another life, I played soccer. I was very good. Never again. Never ever.
part 3 - 412 words
The alarms were blaring through the speakers in the ceiling, and Jackie could barely hear herself think. Just a few more minutes, a few more feet. You can do this. You can do this. The three girls with her weren’t as fast as she was, and Mila was holding the cumbersome bag of gems.
“Riley, hit the panel!” Jackie yelled over her shoulder. The other girl slammed down a lever and a door crashed closed behind them. They were safe, for now. All of them panted, hands on their knees, trying to breathe. Adrenaline was rushing through Jackie’s bones. She exhaled loudly, trying to come up with a plan.
“Okay. We’ll need to split up. Mila and I will go right and Riley, you and June go left. They won’t catch us as easily.” The other girls nodded, replacing their bandanas over their faces. “We’ll meet back up at Wing S-24. Got it?”
They voiced their assent, getting ready to run. “Hit it!” Jackie commanded, and Riley threw the lever again. All four girls bolted out the two exits. There were guards chasing Jackie and Mila, but they kept pace ahead of them. Jackie was so focused on running she nearly missed the gigantic gap in the floor. She cursed under her breath, turning to face Mila. The guards were catching up. There was a bridge, but it had to be lowered from the other side.
“Mila, do you trust me?” Jackie looked at her, face serious.
“Yes. With my life.” Mila was equally grave. The four of them had been brought up together, sisters in their craft. They knew each other inside and out, and trusted each other completely.
“Give me the bag, I’ll use my rope to get across. I’ll lower the bridge from the other side.”
“Got it.” Mila watched as Jackie shot a rope across the divide and attached a handle. She threw the bag to Jackie. The guards were nearly within firing distance now. “Go!” Mila yelled, and Jackie leapt into the void.
Jackie’s makeshift zipline transported her across the gap. She reached the other side, cut the line, and kept running. She tried to block out Mila’s cries as she was captured by the guards. She had the jewels, her debt was paid. What happened to her team was their fault. She left the facility quietly, knowing the guards were all preoccupied by the others she had sent in the wrong direction, right into their hands.
part 4 - 211 words
JESS: (pointing) Ezra! Look over here, this dress is soooo pretty!
EZRA: (smiling slightly) Are you really sure you need yet another one?
JESS: Yes! It would go perfectly with this hat!
[JESS looks through the four bags hanging from her arms, sorting through dozens of items. She triumphantly pulls put a straw sunhat with a blue ribbon that matches the sundress. )
EZRA: (rolling his eyes) Fine…
JESS: (skipping) Come on!
EZRA: (sighing) “We can’t spend all of our new money on clothes! We could get a nice apartment, maybe have more than peanut butter sandwiches every day.
JESS: “Yeahhhhh, but where’s the fun in that?”
JESS: I love this one! It’s so fluffy and pretty!
EZRA: I mean, it’s not awful. I guess you can get it, but that’s the last one!
JESS: (sighing) Yay! Where should we go next?
EZRA: (flatly) Home.
EZRA: Fine, we can get ice cream.
JESS: Oh my GOD! We haven’t had ice cream in FOREVER! This is so exciting. I wonder what I should get. I could go for something fruity, maybe cherry? Oooh, cherry and chocolate would be SO GOOD.
EZRA: (laughing) Come on, let’s go.
Last edited by wolfiebear- (Nov. 9, 2024 21:41:33)
- ForestPanther
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
1433 words total
**part 1 || 459 words**
How could somebody be so ridiculously out of time?
Jayden grimaced, foot tapping desperately in an attempt to reign in the wayward notes coming from Liam’s sax. How had this guy gotten through two years of music GCSEs without knowing how to play *name of song is screwing with scratch*?
As a horrendously flat bar reached their ears, Jayden had to fight not to recoil. Maybe they shouldn’t have volunteered to play this accompaniment. It wasn’t like the solo was worth saving.
Finally, Mr Armstrong waved his hand, signaling the band to stop. There was silence, but the grimaces thrown across the room said enough.
“Liam. Have you learnt your part?”
“Uh-huh,” Liam yawned. Jayden cast a hopeless look at Alex, the first alto saxophone. She just shook her head disbelievingly. Despite being two years younger, Jayden was confident that Alex could outplay Liam any day- especially with the performance that he was currently putting on.
“Right. Then can you play it to an adequate standard, please?”
Jayden had to stifle a snort.
“Well, there’s no point in practicing with the ensemble if you don’t know your part,” Mr Armstrong stated, lips pursed. “So go practice your solo. Band, apologies for taking up your time.”
—
Mentally, Alex swore that she would never let herself perform to such a standard. She cringed away from Liam beside her, trying not to make her shock obvious. How the guy had gotten through two years of theory and STILL couldn’t play one of the most basic pieces they knew was beyond her. Then, when Liam started the solo, Alex had to fight herself from getting up and leaving. They had to be reading off of different papers. There was no way that he was misreading the music that badly…
Finally, the band director put up his hand. The accompaniment slowed to a stop, leaving the room cloaked in an extremely awkward silence. Beside her, Gabi, Reyna and the rest of the sax section were trying to hold in their laughter. Alex desperately avoided eye contact- if she looked at her friends, she’d probably burst.
“Liam.” Alex knew that voice. That was the voice the Mr Armstrong used when he was incredibly disappointed- and it didn’t happen often.
“Have you learnt your part?”
“Uh-huh,” Liam replied, slouching. Alex’s brow wrinkled. She turned to the trumpet section and made eye contact with Jayden, shaking her head.
“Right.” Eugh. She hoped that she never put on a performance to warrant that tone of voice. “Then can you play it to an adequate standard, please?”
After a brief pause, Mr Armstrong rose from his piano. “Well, there’s no point in practicing with the ensemble if you don’t know your part. Go practice your solo. Band, apologies for taking your time.”
—
**part 2 || 81 / 100 dialogue words (307 total)**
The usual unidentifiable sounds wafted out of the music room as I strolled through the door. I grunted, chucking my bags on a desk by the entrance.
“Hi, Jay,” my friend Alex called from across the room, stifling a chuckle. She was holding Kaylana’s phone in her hand and had evidently just been shown some video or another. I smiled and hefted by sax case into the rack.
“These bags are so heavy for what?”
“RE-AL,” Gabi said, eyes wide. “And today I have to take my sax, and my flute, and my bag, and my lunch…”
“*And* we gotta walk to Parker White,” Kaylana moaned.
“It’s literally a two minute walk.” I raised my eyebrows.
“Still! We gotta go through them *bushes* cause nobody can be bothered to cut them for us.”
“A few leaves aren’t gonna hurt you.”
“THEY ALMOST DID LAST TIME,” Kay exclaimed, head snapped to the side. Gabi snorted.
“Do we have assembly band today?” I asked, wandering to their huddle of tables. I could probably have guessed the answer considering nobody had their instruments out, but I didn’t want to assume.
“No. It’s the strings week.” Alex rolled her eyes.
“Oh.”
We all laughed after the silence, Reyna strolling through the door as the chuckles petered out.
(end of weekly part i lowk forgot abt the word limit lol and wrote a whole nother page)
“Hey y’all,” she waved.
“Hiii,” we chorused. “How were your storm days?” asked Alex.
“They were fun! I was at Lilie’s house and we kinda just vibed.”
“Going to someone’s house in a whole aah hurricane is wild, bro,”
“That was not a hurricane,” Reyna scoffed, sitting down beside us.
“Yeah, to be honest I did not feel a single drop of rain all day,” Alex said, hands splayed.
“Did you go outside?”
“No,” she laughed.
—
**part 3 388/300**
BRIIING!
“What do we have?”
“Chemistry.”
“Nooo. I don’t wanna have to deal with Mrs Preston.”
“REAL, she’s like literally the most boring person I have ever encountered.”
“What are we even doing right now?”
Reyna shrugged. “Nothing interesting. I think it was, like, diffusion and stuff.”
Jayden nodded. “Mm, I remember now. Oh, yeah- we just had our test. Do you think we’ll get our results?”
”Probably not,” scoffed Reyna. “She keeps yapping about how she had so much work and so much marking and stuff. Like, why did you give us the test in the first place, then?”
Jayden nodded. “Exactly.” A small crease appeared between their eyebrows. “I kinda hope we don’t get them back, though. I always hate getting results.”
“Why? You’re literally, like, the smartest person in the year. You’re guaranteed an A*. I’m the one that should be stressing.”
Jayden said nothing, pressing their lips into what could pass for either a smile or a grimace. They reached for their bag and slung it over their shoulder.
“Okay, I’m going, guys,” called their friend Alex from the doorway.
“Wait up!” said Gabi, dragging Reyna and Lulu forwards. She glanced back at Jayden.
“You coming?”
Jayden nodded. “Yeah. Don’t wait for me, I need to put my stuff away.” Gabi smiled and sprung around the corner.
In class, Jayden couldn’t get their legs to stop jumping around. Reyna had been wrong- finally, their results were in.
As the teacher took the register, Reyna leaned in and whispered to Jayden. “Who do you think got the highest in the class? Logan? Malcolm?” She glanced in the boys’ directions. “Maybe Alex did. She’s real good at science.”
Jayden glanced at Alex. She was still, gazing out the window amidst a sea of chatter. They wondered if she felt the same pressure that they did.
“What am I on- of course, you prolly got highest. As per usual,” Reyna continued, chuckling.
“Can you not?” Jayden said under their breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.” The test papers were being handed out. Jayden’s fingers drummed nervously on the table. Beside them, Andrew gave Jay a sidewards glance. Shoot. They couldn’t do anything right.
Finally, Mrs Preston made it to their table. Reyna grabbed the papers and gave them out- to Clara, Andrew, herself, and Jayden. She squealed.
Jayden was silent.
—
**part 4 - 253/200 words**
ENTER KAYLANA, GABI, REN
REN, fading in …So what parish you from?
GABI Well, I’m mixed- it’s my dad that’s from Jamaica.
REN Okay, what parish’s he from?
GABI Uhh, Saint ‘Lizabeth.
REN, recoiling jokingly Eugh, no- Portland on top.
GABI Excuse me?
REN We got the mountains, the rivers-
KAYLANA, interrupting: What are yall talking ‘bout?
REN Ayy, another Jamaican! Where you from?
KAYLANA My mum’s from Saint Mary.
REN Ms Forrester from Saint Mary?
KAYLANA Mhm.
ENTER JAYDEN, JOSIAH
JAYDEN Nah, did you just hear him?
JOSIAH What did I say?
REN What did he say?
KAYLANA Prolly something crazy.
JOSIAH I don’t say crazy things.
KAYLANA Mhm!
JOSIAH I am a very smart individual, Iont be saying crazy things.
JAYDEN If you so smart why’d you fail music theory earlier?
REN Oh nahh that’s crazy!
JOSIAH I did not!
JAYDEN You were workin with Tyler, there’s no way you passed.
JOSIAH, looking to GABI: Bro.
GABI, shrugging: I wasn’t even there.
JOSIAH shakes head disbelievingly.
REN Yall got some beef goin on over at your school.
GABI Nah, we love him. Just friendly teasing.
JAYDEN You know.
KAYLANA That class was crazy though earlier.
JAYDEN Real!
REN Hey, if you got interesting things goin on over there, lemme join f’real
GABI We would! That would lowkey be so much fun
GABI Aren’t you in Year 11 though?
REN Yeah.
JAYDEN Oh, so you’d be, like, locking in by now.
REN, gesturing to badges: Already locked in.
KAYLANA rolls her eyes.
**part 1 || 459 words**
How could somebody be so ridiculously out of time?
Jayden grimaced, foot tapping desperately in an attempt to reign in the wayward notes coming from Liam’s sax. How had this guy gotten through two years of music GCSEs without knowing how to play *name of song is screwing with scratch*?
As a horrendously flat bar reached their ears, Jayden had to fight not to recoil. Maybe they shouldn’t have volunteered to play this accompaniment. It wasn’t like the solo was worth saving.
Finally, Mr Armstrong waved his hand, signaling the band to stop. There was silence, but the grimaces thrown across the room said enough.
“Liam. Have you learnt your part?”
“Uh-huh,” Liam yawned. Jayden cast a hopeless look at Alex, the first alto saxophone. She just shook her head disbelievingly. Despite being two years younger, Jayden was confident that Alex could outplay Liam any day- especially with the performance that he was currently putting on.
“Right. Then can you play it to an adequate standard, please?”
Jayden had to stifle a snort.
“Well, there’s no point in practicing with the ensemble if you don’t know your part,” Mr Armstrong stated, lips pursed. “So go practice your solo. Band, apologies for taking up your time.”
—
Mentally, Alex swore that she would never let herself perform to such a standard. She cringed away from Liam beside her, trying not to make her shock obvious. How the guy had gotten through two years of theory and STILL couldn’t play one of the most basic pieces they knew was beyond her. Then, when Liam started the solo, Alex had to fight herself from getting up and leaving. They had to be reading off of different papers. There was no way that he was misreading the music that badly…
Finally, the band director put up his hand. The accompaniment slowed to a stop, leaving the room cloaked in an extremely awkward silence. Beside her, Gabi, Reyna and the rest of the sax section were trying to hold in their laughter. Alex desperately avoided eye contact- if she looked at her friends, she’d probably burst.
“Liam.” Alex knew that voice. That was the voice the Mr Armstrong used when he was incredibly disappointed- and it didn’t happen often.
“Have you learnt your part?”
“Uh-huh,” Liam replied, slouching. Alex’s brow wrinkled. She turned to the trumpet section and made eye contact with Jayden, shaking her head.
“Right.” Eugh. She hoped that she never put on a performance to warrant that tone of voice. “Then can you play it to an adequate standard, please?”
After a brief pause, Mr Armstrong rose from his piano. “Well, there’s no point in practicing with the ensemble if you don’t know your part. Go practice your solo. Band, apologies for taking your time.”
—
**part 2 || 81 / 100 dialogue words (307 total)**
The usual unidentifiable sounds wafted out of the music room as I strolled through the door. I grunted, chucking my bags on a desk by the entrance.
“Hi, Jay,” my friend Alex called from across the room, stifling a chuckle. She was holding Kaylana’s phone in her hand and had evidently just been shown some video or another. I smiled and hefted by sax case into the rack.
“These bags are so heavy for what?”
“RE-AL,” Gabi said, eyes wide. “And today I have to take my sax, and my flute, and my bag, and my lunch…”
“*And* we gotta walk to Parker White,” Kaylana moaned.
“It’s literally a two minute walk.” I raised my eyebrows.
“Still! We gotta go through them *bushes* cause nobody can be bothered to cut them for us.”
“A few leaves aren’t gonna hurt you.”
“THEY ALMOST DID LAST TIME,” Kay exclaimed, head snapped to the side. Gabi snorted.
“Do we have assembly band today?” I asked, wandering to their huddle of tables. I could probably have guessed the answer considering nobody had their instruments out, but I didn’t want to assume.
“No. It’s the strings week.” Alex rolled her eyes.
“Oh.”
We all laughed after the silence, Reyna strolling through the door as the chuckles petered out.
(end of weekly part i lowk forgot abt the word limit lol and wrote a whole nother page)
“Hey y’all,” she waved.
“Hiii,” we chorused. “How were your storm days?” asked Alex.
“They were fun! I was at Lilie’s house and we kinda just vibed.”
“Going to someone’s house in a whole aah hurricane is wild, bro,”
“That was not a hurricane,” Reyna scoffed, sitting down beside us.
“Yeah, to be honest I did not feel a single drop of rain all day,” Alex said, hands splayed.
“Did you go outside?”
“No,” she laughed.
—
**part 3 388/300**
BRIIING!
“What do we have?”
“Chemistry.”
“Nooo. I don’t wanna have to deal with Mrs Preston.”
“REAL, she’s like literally the most boring person I have ever encountered.”
“What are we even doing right now?”
Reyna shrugged. “Nothing interesting. I think it was, like, diffusion and stuff.”
Jayden nodded. “Mm, I remember now. Oh, yeah- we just had our test. Do you think we’ll get our results?”
”Probably not,” scoffed Reyna. “She keeps yapping about how she had so much work and so much marking and stuff. Like, why did you give us the test in the first place, then?”
Jayden nodded. “Exactly.” A small crease appeared between their eyebrows. “I kinda hope we don’t get them back, though. I always hate getting results.”
“Why? You’re literally, like, the smartest person in the year. You’re guaranteed an A*. I’m the one that should be stressing.”
Jayden said nothing, pressing their lips into what could pass for either a smile or a grimace. They reached for their bag and slung it over their shoulder.
“Okay, I’m going, guys,” called their friend Alex from the doorway.
“Wait up!” said Gabi, dragging Reyna and Lulu forwards. She glanced back at Jayden.
“You coming?”
Jayden nodded. “Yeah. Don’t wait for me, I need to put my stuff away.” Gabi smiled and sprung around the corner.
In class, Jayden couldn’t get their legs to stop jumping around. Reyna had been wrong- finally, their results were in.
As the teacher took the register, Reyna leaned in and whispered to Jayden. “Who do you think got the highest in the class? Logan? Malcolm?” She glanced in the boys’ directions. “Maybe Alex did. She’s real good at science.”
Jayden glanced at Alex. She was still, gazing out the window amidst a sea of chatter. They wondered if she felt the same pressure that they did.
“What am I on- of course, you prolly got highest. As per usual,” Reyna continued, chuckling.
“Can you not?” Jayden said under their breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.” The test papers were being handed out. Jayden’s fingers drummed nervously on the table. Beside them, Andrew gave Jay a sidewards glance. Shoot. They couldn’t do anything right.
Finally, Mrs Preston made it to their table. Reyna grabbed the papers and gave them out- to Clara, Andrew, herself, and Jayden. She squealed.
Jayden was silent.
—
**part 4 - 253/200 words**
ENTER KAYLANA, GABI, REN
REN, fading in …So what parish you from?
GABI Well, I’m mixed- it’s my dad that’s from Jamaica.
REN Okay, what parish’s he from?
GABI Uhh, Saint ‘Lizabeth.
REN, recoiling jokingly Eugh, no- Portland on top.
GABI Excuse me?
REN We got the mountains, the rivers-
KAYLANA, interrupting: What are yall talking ‘bout?
REN Ayy, another Jamaican! Where you from?
KAYLANA My mum’s from Saint Mary.
REN Ms Forrester from Saint Mary?
KAYLANA Mhm.
ENTER JAYDEN, JOSIAH
JAYDEN Nah, did you just hear him?
JOSIAH What did I say?
REN What did he say?
KAYLANA Prolly something crazy.
JOSIAH I don’t say crazy things.
KAYLANA Mhm!
JOSIAH I am a very smart individual, Iont be saying crazy things.
JAYDEN If you so smart why’d you fail music theory earlier?
REN Oh nahh that’s crazy!
JOSIAH I did not!
JAYDEN You were workin with Tyler, there’s no way you passed.
JOSIAH, looking to GABI: Bro.
GABI, shrugging: I wasn’t even there.
JOSIAH shakes head disbelievingly.
REN Yall got some beef goin on over at your school.
GABI Nah, we love him. Just friendly teasing.
JAYDEN You know.
KAYLANA That class was crazy though earlier.
JAYDEN Real!
REN Hey, if you got interesting things goin on over there, lemme join f’real
GABI We would! That would lowkey be so much fun
GABI Aren’t you in Year 11 though?
REN Yeah.
JAYDEN Oh, so you’d be, like, locking in by now.
REN, gesturing to badges: Already locked in.
KAYLANA rolls her eyes.
Last edited by ForestPanther (Nov. 9, 2024 22:20:48)
- Zyzeryko
-
Scratcher
100+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
cw: death, medical negligence (?)
We sat around the small fire, as close as possible to feel its warmth.
“Syn,” I said, my voice quiet beneath the sound of crackling wood.
Her eyes wandered over to me. “Yes?”
“Tell me about your life. I want to know more about you and Myla… we’ve been hanging onto each other for so long, and yet I know nothing about you.”
Her eyes fled to the fire. “Is any of it worth knowing?”
All it could do was nod.
She swallowed, her eyes bouncing around from the flames to the dark trees to the stars far above us, untrapped in the same hellhole we were. “Well, where do I start? They took everything from us.”
“I’m not asking about what they took, Syn. I’m asking about what we had, before it was gone.”
Her eyes met mine, the white hot flames reflected across her icy eyes. “My sister. She was so wonderful, Zen. I miss her.” She inhaled a breath, then smiled as if reminiscing fondly. “We used to play in woods just like these. She would run through them, and I would chase her. She was fast, used to playing the same game with our father. I never caught her, not until….”
The tears in her eyes and the catch of her voice didn’t stop me from asking. “Until what?”
The smile slowly fell from Syn’s face. “Until I found her body. Caught up to her as red stained the dirt. It was terrible, Zen. Her eyes were open, her mouth smiling. I used to wonder…, wonder if maybe…,” her voice caught in her throat as she continued, “maybe if I hadn’t been…, she could’ve lived.”
“They wouldn’t have spared her,” I heard myself say. “I think she would be happy to have spent her last moments running through the woods with you.”
Her shoulders relaxed slightly. Finally, she smiled again. “What about you?”
I didn’t want to answer that. Not yet. I had another question. “Synthia, why do you always say my name when you’re talking to me? Like you could be talking to someone else?”
She swallowed again, but no more tears soaked her face. “You remind me of her. Sometimes I have to make myself say your name… just to make sure you’re different.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about myself being intertwined with someone else’s fate, but… I couldn’t tell Syn that. Not when her sister’s death was so fresh. Fresh enough even I could picture the scene of her demise.
Syn interrupted my thoughts. “Are you going to explain yourself now, Zen?”
I nodded, but I too was unsure of what to mention. I didn’t have a lot of positive experiences to draw memory from. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like talking tonight.”
Myla, my sister (not really) and best friend, sat across from me. Her head was in her hands, and there was nothing I could say to ease her pain.
But she was the first to talk. “Synthia?” she asked from across the room.
I peered into her eyes. “Yeah?”
“How are you doing?”
She didn’t mean it in regards to our family’s deaths. It was the casual greeting you heard so often, walking down the street. People asked you how you were, and you almost certainly lied. “Few people tell the truth when it comes to that question.” I forced a small smile. “How about you?”
Her eyes stayed away. “Synthia, would you think I was evil if I didn’t feel bad?”
Yes. Of course I would. How could Myla be confronted with the death of her entire family at only twelve years old and not feel bad? Had she brought this hell and misery upon us all? “No,” I said, hiding my anger through more tears.
“Would you think I was evil if I told them where we were?” her eyes were on me, twitching to see my reaction.
I stood up. “Yes.”
“And would you want me to die?” this time, a small, silent tear slipped from her eyes.
“Yes.”
The supervisor, a tall woman with a black bob cropped above her chin, sat in the chair in front of me. Her eyes, shimmering in the light, pierced through my soul.
“Zen,” she said, smiling. “I am very sorry to hear about your family.”
“What is this? A game of good-cop bad-cop?” I bit back. “You aren’t the tiniest bit sorry. You don’t have a single shred of empathy in your brick of a heart–if you even have one!”
Her face instantly soured. “Please don’t be unpleasant. It won’t help you, and it won’t help me, so give it a rest. It’s true, I really don’t care what happened to your family. But I’m sure you’re upset—so allow us to help you! We have many programs for people in such situations as yours.”
“You disgust me. You have a horrid ideal of justice, and it's repulsive. Do what you must to punish me for my actions, but you cannot silence our movement.”
She stood up, her hands wrapped around something on her broad desk. She sighed dramatically, taking long steps around the furniture to get to me. I was on my feet quickly, but not quickly enough. She had injected me with a glass syringe.
Smiling, she returned to her seat. I was unable to move, my limbs growing weaker and weaker. “Allow me to explain something to do, Mr. Sito. You have no way out. Accept our help, play along. Pretend for your own sake, maybe for the sakes of your friends. You are stuck here, and nothing, nor anyone, will help you escape. You will never leave this compound. If you wish to be difficult, you may do as you please—but keep in mind we have full control over your mind and your body. We can do anything we want to you. I’m sure you’re growing rather tired now, but I’m almost finished.” A large grin spread across her cheeks. “You belong to us entirely. You cannot leave. You have nothing. No one. You are at our mercy. Please give up before we must take drastic action against you.”
*Note: I took a bit of an interesting route with this. There is nothing besides dialogue whatsoever. I was planning to have stage directions/actions, but decided against them. Maybe you can guess what is happening without external clues!
Thomas: Zen Sito, you have been arrested for speculation of treason. What do you have to say about this?
Zen: I will not speak to you without a lawyer present.
Thomas: I am afraid you don’t have a choice in the matter! You must answer my questions, or you will see what happens when you leave me wondering. I am positive you will be more happy answering my questions than avoiding them!
Thomas: I see how it is. Well, maybe this could give you a taste of motivation! I hope you are more encouraged to share now, Mr. Sito.
Zen: This is not legal. This is inhumane treatment of children. I still want my lawyer.
Thomas: Really? You refuse to speak? Is this really the hill you will die on?
Zen: Someone will. I doubt it will be me, knowing I have the information you want—
Zen: Ow! The hell is wrong with you? How can you encourage this?
Thomas: Well, as I’m sure you know, I’m not particularly fond of rebels. Very silly, I must say. Here’s my advice to you: don’t sacrifice your life to a petty cause.
Zen: You’re a real piece of work. You killed my family, don’t you dare blame me for it.
Thomas: Well, this was a nice chat. Since you still refuse to speak, I guess you can find out personally how the Supervisor gets her information. Enjoy!
We sat around the small fire, as close as possible to feel its warmth.
“Syn,” I said, my voice quiet beneath the sound of crackling wood.
Her eyes wandered over to me. “Yes?”
“Tell me about your life. I want to know more about you and Myla… we’ve been hanging onto each other for so long, and yet I know nothing about you.”
Her eyes fled to the fire. “Is any of it worth knowing?”
All it could do was nod.
She swallowed, her eyes bouncing around from the flames to the dark trees to the stars far above us, untrapped in the same hellhole we were. “Well, where do I start? They took everything from us.”
“I’m not asking about what they took, Syn. I’m asking about what we had, before it was gone.”
Her eyes met mine, the white hot flames reflected across her icy eyes. “My sister. She was so wonderful, Zen. I miss her.” She inhaled a breath, then smiled as if reminiscing fondly. “We used to play in woods just like these. She would run through them, and I would chase her. She was fast, used to playing the same game with our father. I never caught her, not until….”
The tears in her eyes and the catch of her voice didn’t stop me from asking. “Until what?”
The smile slowly fell from Syn’s face. “Until I found her body. Caught up to her as red stained the dirt. It was terrible, Zen. Her eyes were open, her mouth smiling. I used to wonder…, wonder if maybe…,” her voice caught in her throat as she continued, “maybe if I hadn’t been…, she could’ve lived.”
“They wouldn’t have spared her,” I heard myself say. “I think she would be happy to have spent her last moments running through the woods with you.”
Her shoulders relaxed slightly. Finally, she smiled again. “What about you?”
I didn’t want to answer that. Not yet. I had another question. “Synthia, why do you always say my name when you’re talking to me? Like you could be talking to someone else?”
She swallowed again, but no more tears soaked her face. “You remind me of her. Sometimes I have to make myself say your name… just to make sure you’re different.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about myself being intertwined with someone else’s fate, but… I couldn’t tell Syn that. Not when her sister’s death was so fresh. Fresh enough even I could picture the scene of her demise.
Syn interrupted my thoughts. “Are you going to explain yourself now, Zen?”
I nodded, but I too was unsure of what to mention. I didn’t have a lot of positive experiences to draw memory from. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like talking tonight.”
Myla, my sister (not really) and best friend, sat across from me. Her head was in her hands, and there was nothing I could say to ease her pain.
But she was the first to talk. “Synthia?” she asked from across the room.
I peered into her eyes. “Yeah?”
“How are you doing?”
She didn’t mean it in regards to our family’s deaths. It was the casual greeting you heard so often, walking down the street. People asked you how you were, and you almost certainly lied. “Few people tell the truth when it comes to that question.” I forced a small smile. “How about you?”
Her eyes stayed away. “Synthia, would you think I was evil if I didn’t feel bad?”
Yes. Of course I would. How could Myla be confronted with the death of her entire family at only twelve years old and not feel bad? Had she brought this hell and misery upon us all? “No,” I said, hiding my anger through more tears.
“Would you think I was evil if I told them where we were?” her eyes were on me, twitching to see my reaction.
I stood up. “Yes.”
“And would you want me to die?” this time, a small, silent tear slipped from her eyes.
“Yes.”
The supervisor, a tall woman with a black bob cropped above her chin, sat in the chair in front of me. Her eyes, shimmering in the light, pierced through my soul.
“Zen,” she said, smiling. “I am very sorry to hear about your family.”
“What is this? A game of good-cop bad-cop?” I bit back. “You aren’t the tiniest bit sorry. You don’t have a single shred of empathy in your brick of a heart–if you even have one!”
Her face instantly soured. “Please don’t be unpleasant. It won’t help you, and it won’t help me, so give it a rest. It’s true, I really don’t care what happened to your family. But I’m sure you’re upset—so allow us to help you! We have many programs for people in such situations as yours.”
“You disgust me. You have a horrid ideal of justice, and it's repulsive. Do what you must to punish me for my actions, but you cannot silence our movement.”
She stood up, her hands wrapped around something on her broad desk. She sighed dramatically, taking long steps around the furniture to get to me. I was on my feet quickly, but not quickly enough. She had injected me with a glass syringe.
Smiling, she returned to her seat. I was unable to move, my limbs growing weaker and weaker. “Allow me to explain something to do, Mr. Sito. You have no way out. Accept our help, play along. Pretend for your own sake, maybe for the sakes of your friends. You are stuck here, and nothing, nor anyone, will help you escape. You will never leave this compound. If you wish to be difficult, you may do as you please—but keep in mind we have full control over your mind and your body. We can do anything we want to you. I’m sure you’re growing rather tired now, but I’m almost finished.” A large grin spread across her cheeks. “You belong to us entirely. You cannot leave. You have nothing. No one. You are at our mercy. Please give up before we must take drastic action against you.”
*Note: I took a bit of an interesting route with this. There is nothing besides dialogue whatsoever. I was planning to have stage directions/actions, but decided against them. Maybe you can guess what is happening without external clues!
Thomas: Zen Sito, you have been arrested for speculation of treason. What do you have to say about this?
Zen: I will not speak to you without a lawyer present.
Thomas: I am afraid you don’t have a choice in the matter! You must answer my questions, or you will see what happens when you leave me wondering. I am positive you will be more happy answering my questions than avoiding them!
Thomas: I see how it is. Well, maybe this could give you a taste of motivation! I hope you are more encouraged to share now, Mr. Sito.
Zen: This is not legal. This is inhumane treatment of children. I still want my lawyer.
Thomas: Really? You refuse to speak? Is this really the hill you will die on?
Zen: Someone will. I doubt it will be me, knowing I have the information you want—
Zen: Ow! The hell is wrong with you? How can you encourage this?
Thomas: Well, as I’m sure you know, I’m not particularly fond of rebels. Very silly, I must say. Here’s my advice to you: don’t sacrifice your life to a petty cause.
Zen: You’re a real piece of work. You killed my family, don’t you dare blame me for it.
Thomas: Well, this was a nice chat. Since you still refuse to speak, I guess you can find out personally how the Supervisor gets her information. Enjoy!
- euphoriafall
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
weekly #1
part i 502 words
“Welcome to the Paranormal Detective Agency, how may I help you?”
The room settles back into a misty dimness as the door swings softly shut behind the customer, hooded lamps casting their warm glow in the cold room. Merla glances up from her file – a side project she’s been working on, connecting paranormal sightings in the local area – and meets the gaze of an elderly lady, leathery hands clasped around her purse, face framed by a bright headscarf.
“Oh, thank you so very much for having me, I’m Elizabeth,” she smiles, her ruddy face splitting into a relieved grin. “You see, I’ve had some problems with what I think to be a haunting. It’s just me there now, in this sweet little cottage, with my two cats of course, and it’s honestly rather frightening.”
“Of course,” Merla replies, setting her journal to the side and staring into the midground with careful thought. “Do you know of anyone who may have a reason to haunt your house, Elizabeth?”
Her fingers fumble with her purse, pulling out a crumpled envelope and setting it onto the desk in front of Merla. “Here. This is… well. James, he was my husband, but I wouldn’t understand why he would be behind it. He was such a dear, and besides, he’d have been a ghost for… well, it must be going on thirty years by now,” Elizabeth says, voice fading to a croaking whisper.
Merla nods in a sympathetic way, a crease forming between her eyebrows as she peers at the spidery handwriting, barely visible against the aged paper. It is simply one name – James Marsh.
Inside, the envelope is stuffed to the brim with papers and photos and newspaper cuttings, all related to the suspected ghost in some way. Their handwriting. Their childhood photos. Clearly, Elizabeth is well versed in the field of paranormal occurrences – Merla has never had such an organised customer before.
“So, could you describe the nature of the hauntings?” Merla asks, poring over a letter.
“Oh, of course. It’s just, well, a lot of creaks in the night. The windows flying open in James’ old art room in the middle of the day.” Elizabeth’s voice trembles, despite the tight set of her mouth, and out of the corner of her vision Merla can see Elizabeth’s shaking hand come up to adjust her scarf.
“Of course, I’ll look into it,” Merla says, inclining her head. “I shall be sure to contact you once I have looked over the evidence. Have a good day, and don’t let the hauntings bother you too much.”
When the door shuts behind Elizabeth, Merla sighs, rests her feet on the table, sighs again. The tension slowly sinks out of her shoulders as she rubs her eyes. It’s difficult to stay composed when anyone comes in, but much less a lonely elderly customer. Of course, she knows of the dangers of getting too attached to the haunted, knows of them all too well. It doesn’t make it any less difficult.
part ii 145 words, 35 words of dialogue
His face was wreathed in shadow, his gloved hands absent-mindedly twirling a pen between his fingertips. Arthur, he introduced himself as.
Honestly, it wasn’t that intimidating. Merla thought he needed to get the overhead lamps fixed.
“I have received your application to become a Paranormal Detective.”
Merla’s throat bobbed as she rocked on her heels. What was the obsession with the dramatics? Spirits above, she was tense.
“You have completed three years of training. You have passed our examinations and successfully released thirteen spirits.” Arthur’s voice was low and gravelly, bumping up and down, like Merla’s finger tapping on the side of her leg, tap, tap, like her heartbeat thudding in her veins, thud, thud.
“I present to you.”
Tap. Thud. Bump.
“Your letter of acceptance.”
And Merla sobbed with relief, and the overhead lights flickered, and she thought, I need to get them fixed.
part iii 608 words
It was Merla’s first haunting.
“Gods, it’s cold,” Arthur mumbled, head tucked inside his upturned coat collar, tugging his hat further down over his pink ears. A leather satchel bounced against his hip as he moved, the potent scent of herbs and plants drifting through the icy air. Merla’s breath formed plumes in front of her.
The house itself was grand and impressive, with a swerving gravel drive past multiple ponds and a forest. An ideal place for a haunting – it looked like an aristocratic generational family home.
“Don’t be too nice to the guy,” Arthur muttered, swinging the brass knocker on the grand double doors. Merla doubted there would be any chance of her being nice whilst frozen to the core.
The door creaked open, an anxious teen standing in the doorway. “You’re the paranormal investigators?”
“Yes. Could you take us to the room where you feel the presence of the possible ghost the most?” Arthur asked.
Merla soon found herself thumping up richly carpeted flights of stairs, clattering on the warped floorboards, surrounded by the various tapestries, ancient furniture, and silverware displays.
Finally, they stopped in the middle of a bedroom. The owner’s bedroom, it seemed. It was lovingly plastered with band posters and various prints, adorned by hanging fairy lights, a stark difference to the traditionality of the rest of the house. Of course, everything was only very lightly masking taped-on to prevent damage, but that was beside the point.
Arthur began to set up the stack of herbs, gently weaving them into a tapered stick. Merla, having nothing else to do, began making small talk with the teenager. It was his father, haunting him, out of spite. She knew, despite common belief, that it was rare to be haunted by a vengeful spirit. It took so much anger to keep them bound to this earth. She couldn’t imagine why he would want to haunt this boy, only a few years younger than her, but she knew it couldn’t be for any good reason. It scared her.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she frowned. “We’ll get him away from you soon.”
Arthur flashed her an incomprehensible glance.
“Matches?”
Merla fumbled in her pockets, producing a squashed matchbox, and lit the bundle of herbs. Almost immediately, it sparked with a small but fierce flame, and a strongly woody scent emanated from the smoking herbs. The theory was that ghosts were drawn to light, and memories of their living selves. Merla had discovered many empty bottles of a sandalwood shampoo, and it really wasn’t difficult to find its ingredients.
The spirit was cast into corporeality by the flame, a glimpse of a face, wrinkled with rage, and Merla couldn’t help but feel a tide of rage to match the ghost’s rise inside her.
The flame flickered, fizzed, went out. The ghost flashed towards her, a whisper of grey, and then a dark pit in Merla’s stomach, the taste of ashy sandalwood in her mouth, coughing to dislodge the burning embers in her throat.
Arthur’s eyes narrowed, as she hacked up her lungs, saying all the appropriate goodbyes to the relieved owner of the house, rapidly herding Merla out of the house and into the cold air, a brief respite to her coughing fit.
“Merla. Merla, I thought I told you not to get too attached to the customer?”
Merla nodded miserably.
“This is what happens. When we get back I’ll see if there’s any of that sandalwood left to burn, to get this guy out of you.”
part iv 215 words
INT. DETECTIVE AGENCY - EVENING
MERLA sits in an armchair, reading a copy of the Paranormal Gazette. ARTHUR is sat behind the desk. A CAT is perched on the table.
ARTHUR
And Merla, what am I supposed to do with a cat? And a scruffy, vicious one at that?
MERLA
Arthur, it’s not that bad. Just take Primrose. I know you will love her.
ARTHUR
Spirits, you’ve named the cat? Well, I suppose the cat does look like a primrose. Of the wilting type.
MERLA
Arthur!
ARTHUR
Fine, fine, okay. I’ll tolerate the cat, but you can keep it. I’m not having cat fur all over my newly tailored coats, thank you very much.
EXT. DETECTIVE AGENCY - NIGHT
Arthur and Merla stand on the steps of the Detective Agency. The cat is curled at Arthur’s feet. ELIZABETH rounds the corner.
ELIZABETH
Well, fancy seeing you here!
MERLA
Elizabeth, just the person I was looking for! I’ve got your package of herbs here.
(pause)
Well, I guess, since you’re here, I can just come with you?
ELIZABETH
That would be excellent.
Elizabeth and Merla exit.
MERLA (O.S.)
Make sure to feed the cat!
ARTHUR
(disgruntled)
Now how have I ended up with you?
(pause)
I’d never admit this to Merla, but I quite like you, Primrose.
part i 502 words
“Welcome to the Paranormal Detective Agency, how may I help you?”
The room settles back into a misty dimness as the door swings softly shut behind the customer, hooded lamps casting their warm glow in the cold room. Merla glances up from her file – a side project she’s been working on, connecting paranormal sightings in the local area – and meets the gaze of an elderly lady, leathery hands clasped around her purse, face framed by a bright headscarf.
“Oh, thank you so very much for having me, I’m Elizabeth,” she smiles, her ruddy face splitting into a relieved grin. “You see, I’ve had some problems with what I think to be a haunting. It’s just me there now, in this sweet little cottage, with my two cats of course, and it’s honestly rather frightening.”
“Of course,” Merla replies, setting her journal to the side and staring into the midground with careful thought. “Do you know of anyone who may have a reason to haunt your house, Elizabeth?”
Her fingers fumble with her purse, pulling out a crumpled envelope and setting it onto the desk in front of Merla. “Here. This is… well. James, he was my husband, but I wouldn’t understand why he would be behind it. He was such a dear, and besides, he’d have been a ghost for… well, it must be going on thirty years by now,” Elizabeth says, voice fading to a croaking whisper.
Merla nods in a sympathetic way, a crease forming between her eyebrows as she peers at the spidery handwriting, barely visible against the aged paper. It is simply one name – James Marsh.
Inside, the envelope is stuffed to the brim with papers and photos and newspaper cuttings, all related to the suspected ghost in some way. Their handwriting. Their childhood photos. Clearly, Elizabeth is well versed in the field of paranormal occurrences – Merla has never had such an organised customer before.
“So, could you describe the nature of the hauntings?” Merla asks, poring over a letter.
“Oh, of course. It’s just, well, a lot of creaks in the night. The windows flying open in James’ old art room in the middle of the day.” Elizabeth’s voice trembles, despite the tight set of her mouth, and out of the corner of her vision Merla can see Elizabeth’s shaking hand come up to adjust her scarf.
“Of course, I’ll look into it,” Merla says, inclining her head. “I shall be sure to contact you once I have looked over the evidence. Have a good day, and don’t let the hauntings bother you too much.”
When the door shuts behind Elizabeth, Merla sighs, rests her feet on the table, sighs again. The tension slowly sinks out of her shoulders as she rubs her eyes. It’s difficult to stay composed when anyone comes in, but much less a lonely elderly customer. Of course, she knows of the dangers of getting too attached to the haunted, knows of them all too well. It doesn’t make it any less difficult.
part ii 145 words, 35 words of dialogue
His face was wreathed in shadow, his gloved hands absent-mindedly twirling a pen between his fingertips. Arthur, he introduced himself as.
Honestly, it wasn’t that intimidating. Merla thought he needed to get the overhead lamps fixed.
“I have received your application to become a Paranormal Detective.”
Merla’s throat bobbed as she rocked on her heels. What was the obsession with the dramatics? Spirits above, she was tense.
“You have completed three years of training. You have passed our examinations and successfully released thirteen spirits.” Arthur’s voice was low and gravelly, bumping up and down, like Merla’s finger tapping on the side of her leg, tap, tap, like her heartbeat thudding in her veins, thud, thud.
“I present to you.”
Tap. Thud. Bump.
“Your letter of acceptance.”
And Merla sobbed with relief, and the overhead lights flickered, and she thought, I need to get them fixed.
part iii 608 words
It was Merla’s first haunting.
“Gods, it’s cold,” Arthur mumbled, head tucked inside his upturned coat collar, tugging his hat further down over his pink ears. A leather satchel bounced against his hip as he moved, the potent scent of herbs and plants drifting through the icy air. Merla’s breath formed plumes in front of her.
The house itself was grand and impressive, with a swerving gravel drive past multiple ponds and a forest. An ideal place for a haunting – it looked like an aristocratic generational family home.
“Don’t be too nice to the guy,” Arthur muttered, swinging the brass knocker on the grand double doors. Merla doubted there would be any chance of her being nice whilst frozen to the core.
The door creaked open, an anxious teen standing in the doorway. “You’re the paranormal investigators?”
“Yes. Could you take us to the room where you feel the presence of the possible ghost the most?” Arthur asked.
Merla soon found herself thumping up richly carpeted flights of stairs, clattering on the warped floorboards, surrounded by the various tapestries, ancient furniture, and silverware displays.
Finally, they stopped in the middle of a bedroom. The owner’s bedroom, it seemed. It was lovingly plastered with band posters and various prints, adorned by hanging fairy lights, a stark difference to the traditionality of the rest of the house. Of course, everything was only very lightly masking taped-on to prevent damage, but that was beside the point.
Arthur began to set up the stack of herbs, gently weaving them into a tapered stick. Merla, having nothing else to do, began making small talk with the teenager. It was his father, haunting him, out of spite. She knew, despite common belief, that it was rare to be haunted by a vengeful spirit. It took so much anger to keep them bound to this earth. She couldn’t imagine why he would want to haunt this boy, only a few years younger than her, but she knew it couldn’t be for any good reason. It scared her.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she frowned. “We’ll get him away from you soon.”
Arthur flashed her an incomprehensible glance.
“Matches?”
Merla fumbled in her pockets, producing a squashed matchbox, and lit the bundle of herbs. Almost immediately, it sparked with a small but fierce flame, and a strongly woody scent emanated from the smoking herbs. The theory was that ghosts were drawn to light, and memories of their living selves. Merla had discovered many empty bottles of a sandalwood shampoo, and it really wasn’t difficult to find its ingredients.
The spirit was cast into corporeality by the flame, a glimpse of a face, wrinkled with rage, and Merla couldn’t help but feel a tide of rage to match the ghost’s rise inside her.
The flame flickered, fizzed, went out. The ghost flashed towards her, a whisper of grey, and then a dark pit in Merla’s stomach, the taste of ashy sandalwood in her mouth, coughing to dislodge the burning embers in her throat.
Arthur’s eyes narrowed, as she hacked up her lungs, saying all the appropriate goodbyes to the relieved owner of the house, rapidly herding Merla out of the house and into the cold air, a brief respite to her coughing fit.
“Merla. Merla, I thought I told you not to get too attached to the customer?”
Merla nodded miserably.
“This is what happens. When we get back I’ll see if there’s any of that sandalwood left to burn, to get this guy out of you.”
part iv 215 words
INT. DETECTIVE AGENCY - EVENING
MERLA sits in an armchair, reading a copy of the Paranormal Gazette. ARTHUR is sat behind the desk. A CAT is perched on the table.
ARTHUR
And Merla, what am I supposed to do with a cat? And a scruffy, vicious one at that?
MERLA
Arthur, it’s not that bad. Just take Primrose. I know you will love her.
ARTHUR
Spirits, you’ve named the cat? Well, I suppose the cat does look like a primrose. Of the wilting type.
MERLA
Arthur!
ARTHUR
Fine, fine, okay. I’ll tolerate the cat, but you can keep it. I’m not having cat fur all over my newly tailored coats, thank you very much.
EXT. DETECTIVE AGENCY - NIGHT
Arthur and Merla stand on the steps of the Detective Agency. The cat is curled at Arthur’s feet. ELIZABETH rounds the corner.
ELIZABETH
Well, fancy seeing you here!
MERLA
Elizabeth, just the person I was looking for! I’ve got your package of herbs here.
(pause)
Well, I guess, since you’re here, I can just come with you?
ELIZABETH
That would be excellent.
Elizabeth and Merla exit.
MERLA (O.S.)
Make sure to feed the cat!
ARTHUR
(disgruntled)
Now how have I ended up with you?
(pause)
I’d never admit this to Merla, but I quite like you, Primrose.
- hamilchaos
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
weekly n1! - 1,665 words
this was… interesting to write lol, sometimes i was stuck and sometimes i went way past the requirement haha
this was… interesting to write lol, sometimes i was stuck and sometimes i went way past the requirement haha
part one - 465/450 words
The café was bustling - cups were clinging, people were chattering, and everyone was calm and enjoying the afternoon. The sunlight shone over the tables near the big window. The pretty sunrise was definitely a conversation topic. One table, however, was filled with an awkward silence as Forrest took a deliberately long sip of his latte, then a big bite out of his sandwich.
“Oh, that latte must be really good, I assume. You know, just a guess.” Herb forced a smile, initiating a disingenuous conversation.
“Yes, actually, I love it! Thank you for buying me this, it’s just, you are so sweet for inviting me out!” Forrest replied, oblivious to his friend’s sarcasm, and then took another sip. Herb just sighed. He can’t be for real. Is he really that clueless?
“Ugh, I-, whatever.” Herb tried to play off her discomfort and changed the topic. “What do you think about the new girl in school? Hallie, I think?” Once again, she tried to start a chat. “Do you have a crush on her or something?” She playfully leaned in and looked directly at his eyes. She knew her sarcasm wasn’t going to get her anywhere, so she tried not to use it. However, she couldn’t avoid mocking her friend.
“No, not right now at least.” Forrest’s eyes were focused on something else, dreamily staring at something behind Herb’s back.
“Uh-huh. ‘Not right now’, you say. Sure.” Herb was not buying any of that. “Well, I’m glad you don’t love her and are not obsessing about her. Totally not.” The guy was just too distracted (and naïve) to pay any attention to his friend’s jokes. She stopped for a second. “Whoa, why didn’t anyone tell me Taylor Swift was behind me?” She turned around dramatically, her hand shielding her eyes as she falsely looked around the café in search of the celebrity. Once she turned back to Forrest, she waved to him. “Oh hi!”
“Huh? Who? I mean- what?”
“Listen here sweetie.” She put her hands on the table, as if she was about to state something really important. “Something. Is. Up. With. You. I know it, and I will find out what it is!”
“What do you mean? I’m the same person I’ve always been! Has something happened today? Maybe you are overthinking things and being dramatic. Why are you making a big deal out of this conversation? Seriously, you are the strange one, making all these assumptions about me… I’m fine, more than fine!” Forrest quickly defended himself. Herb could sense the anxiety in his voice.
“Sure you are.” Herb sighed. She didn’t believe him one bit, but also didn’t think she could get any more information out of her friend. Really, what’s happening to him? Why is he so defensive? This is off.
part two - 463 words (100 words of dialogue)
Herb watched Forrest’s ways with attention as he stumbled to the counter and waited for the girl managing it to turn around. However, she lost track of him as a waitress approached her and asked how she’d like to pay. After some confusion and miscommunication, the waitress understood her and said she’d be right back. Very much to Herb’s surprise, once she turned right back around, Forrest was standing there, looking at Hallie, who conveniently happened to work there. She couldn’t believe her luck - or rather, Forrest’s, since he now he had a chance to the girl he was basically head-over-heels for, according to Herb’s deductions. She could tell Forrest was surprised and nervous too, standing awkwardly before gathering the courage to talk to her. She was also waiting for Hallie to turn around, ready to eavesdrop in on their whole conversation.
“Oh! Hi!” He greeted the girl.
“Hey! What brings you over here?” Definitely not as worried as Forrest was.
“Not much, just- spontaneous visit, you know?” He rubbed the back of his neck, obviously anxious. Since when does Forrest use big words like ‘spontaneous’?
“Okay.” Hallie just smiled. Dang it. They both like each other, don’t they. Are they secretly going out? Why wouldn’t Forrest tell me something like this? Suddenly Herb’s thoughts switched from worrying about her friend (and how he was apparently getting a partner before her) to why he didn’t trust her enough to share this information. He probably had a good reason. Right?
“I wasn’t- didn’t know you worked here.” Forrest signaled to the café. “How’s everything?”
“Good, just working. I didn’t expect you to be here either.”
“Yep! That’s me! Spontaneous…” He looked down and fidgeted with his sleeve.
Ohhhh. AWKWARD! Maybe this won’t be a real thing after all. Still, Hallie didn’t think much of it and waved as Forrest muttered some sort of goodbye Herb didn’t get to hear. Forrest walked back to the table as if nothing had happened. Herb wondered how Forrest was going to justify this, and she quickly formulated a plan. Fine, if Forrest wasn’t going to tell her about it, then she’d pretend she’d never known. But she was still going to try and find out more, of course.
“Forrest, I need to go now, but I’ve already paid, so don’t worry about that.” She tried to show obliviousness. She felt like her true intentions shone through, though, and that she came across as really fake. She knew, however, that Forrest would not at all realize any of this. Unless his new ‘girlfriend’ taught him to be less unaware, in which case Herb’s sarcasm and mockery would no longer go unnoticed.
“Okay! See you later!” And just like she thought, the guy didn’t even question her reason for leaving.
part three - 368/300 words
Hallie set her notepad down as she let out a sigh, glancing over the counter checking that everyone was enjoying their drinks. Lately, she had found herself paying more attention to the bell that rang every time someone went in. She noticed every time Forrest walked in and stumbled to the counter. She noticed how he’d always order the same drink at the same time each day. The café was a calming place for her too, but why did he visit so often? She was beginning to think he wasn’t just there for the coffee. She walked into the breakroom.
“You good?” Her coworker, Dylan, approached her.
“Yeah” She answered absently, watching Forrest as he ordered his usual drink. “Hey, do you know that guy? Has he been coming here for long?”
“Forrest? Yup, he has been coming here every day for a while now.” Dylan didn’t seem to think much of it. “Why?”
“I don’t know-” She clicked her pen, needing to do something with her hands. “Isn’t it weird? Coming in for so long, at the same time, ordering the same drink like clockwork?”
Dylan raised an eyebrow. “Look around, we’re in a coffee shop. People have routines, and we’re part of them.” He paused, his expression changing to a more playful one. “What, are you interested in him or something?” He teased.
“No, it’s just- that-” Hallie struggled to put her thoughts together. “Don’t you know anything about him?”
“I don’t. He just orders, we get his money, and he gets his coffee. Never said anything about himself.”
“He comes here all the time and he always greets me. He seems very nervous.”
“Hal, not everything is about you. You’re reaaaal humble, aren’t you?” He rolled his eyes jokingly and nudged her with his elbow. “Maybe he has his own reasons. Most probably, he’s just shy.”
“Has he never told you anything? Like at all?” She insisted, not willing to give up.
“I mean, he used to come here with a girl, also every day at the same time.” He shrugged, visibly uninterested. He noticed how Hallie showed the tiniest bit of disappointment, but didn’t mention it. “Haven’t seen her in a long time, though.”
part four - 369/200 words
HALLIE, determined: “And? Do you know anything else about her? Why do you think she stopped coming?”
DYLAN, giving the whole matter no importance: “I don’t know.” [DYLAN pauses, his voice slightly hardens] “People just come and go, with their own reasons.”
HALLIE, having noticed the shift: “Geez, I thought you didn’t care.”
DYLAN, trying to recover: “I mean, just leave the guy alone.” [DYLAN gulps, visibly uncomfortable.]
HALLIE, not letting it go: “Has something happened?”
[HALLIE stops to think, creating an awkward silence. DYLAN just takes a breath. He clenches his jaw.]
HALLIE, sure that she’s right: “You do know him. Something happened between you two.”
DYLAN, finally admitting it: “It’s not worth talking about.”
HALLIE, unconvinced: “I knew it. But you can’t keep dodging it.”
DYLAN, firm, but vulnerable: “Hal… it’s nothing.”
HALLIE, leaning in and looking him in the eyes: “You can trust me.”
[DYLAN lets out a sigh. HALLIE is confused on whether the sigh shows agreement, or being fed up with her questions. DYLAN rubs his hands together, preparing to tell the story.]
DYLAN: “It’s not easy to talk about, but, look… Forrest and I, we dated the same girl. And they came here together every day.” [DYLAN takes a moment to find the right words.] “I dated her first. Then, I had to watch them having fun, right here.”
HALLIE, assimilating the information: “You both…?”
[DYLAN nods.]
DYLAN: “She’s moved on. And now, every time he comes in, it’s like… he’s waiting for her to walk back in through that door.”
HALLIE: “You think he’s still holding onto her?”
DYLAN: “I think… I think he’s trying to fill that void. And-” [DYLAN looks around, to see if anyone is listening to them, as if he was about to say something really important.] “I think it’s you, Hal. You’re the one he’s turning to to fix that, even if he doesn’t know it yet.”
[HALLIE’s eyes widen as everything starts to make sense.]
HALLIE, barely being able to speak: “What do you mean?”
DYLAN: “You’re the one he sees now. You might be a distraction, but you’re also a reason. A reason for him to come back. He’s trying to replace what he lost.”
- Le_lake
-
Scratcher
63 posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
❝ We talked, we talked about it all night ❞
Weekly I - 1,234 words
Part I - 494 words
Raven was not the type to be very vocal about emotions. In fact, one would venture to say that she never quite spoke about her emotions at all. Which was why this situation was so strange, because around this campfire with people she was growing to love, she wanted to share them more than ever. This may have been helped by the fact that Spruce and Esther were sharing small facts about themselves.
“Mother used to call my older brother her golden child, she calls me that now.” Spruce supplied, giving a sad smile and resting his head on his hand. He turned towards her.
“What about you, Raven?”
She looked up from the knife that she’d been sharpening, “what about what?”
“Like, stuff about you. Your life, stuff like that.” Esther gestured vaguely with her hands while she spoke.
Raven remained silent, listening to the sound of the fire crackling. Normally she would not want to share anything about herself. She’d reply with either a shrug or a gesture relying heaving on a certain finger. Fight them off with her usual coldness. But strangely… she didn’t feel that right now. She looked back down at her knife, twirling it as she spoke.
“My father gave me all my knives.”
“Your dad gave you knives?” Esther stared at her in disbelief.
Raven shrunk under the girl’s gaze, “yeah. He was an assassin before he had me. He told me I had to carry on the family business.” Her words were blunt and rather dry, not much different than her normal tone, despite the content of her speech.
“You’re apart of a mafia family!?”
“No. I’m apart of an assassin family. My grandfather was an assassin, my uncle was assassin, and my father was an assassin.” She counted off the members of her family on her fingers.
“First woman assassin?”
“Yeah. He said I had a gift.”
“A gift? What did you do, k!II your brother?” Esther joked.
“No. My mom.” Her words were deadpan as ever.
“You k!II3d your mom?!”
“That’s what my father says.” This wasn’t going well, why was Esther staring at her like that? She liked Esther, now that she saw her true colors was she going to decide that they weren’t going to be friends? Raven wanted friends, she’d never truly had them and she was beginning to like the feeling.
“What do you mean that’s what your father says?” Esther inquired.
“She died giving birth to me,” Raven looked up and threw her knife to the side, it landed in a log scarily close to Spruce’s pant leg. “Pa says we killed her, he and I. It was his fault she got pregnant with me and mine that she died when I came out.”
Spruce looked at the knife next to him and then at Raven. “I think, perhaps, that you and Esther will become very fast friends. Your combined level of daddy issues may be a world record.”
Part II - 114 words
“You look pretty like that.”
“Like what?” They stared at her wide-eyes, arms shaking.
“Like that. With that expression on your face.”
They swallowed hard, taking a step backward, “psychopath, you’re a psychopath.”
“Keep telling yourself that.” She grinned, tilting her head.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god.” They took more steps back, shaking violently. They could hear the faint ding of his phone in the background and they got the distinct feeling that they wouldn’t be able to answer it.
“Oh, sweetheart, God can’t help you now.” She swung her arm and a scythe unfurled behind her, a giggle rising from her mouth in tandem.
Their scream felt like music to her ears.
Part III - 389 words
“So, Endear, what’s the plan.”
Endear looked up from his fidget, staring at his mentor wide-eyed. “Plan? All I was thinking was that we’d go in a blow up some stuff.”
Cuteguy’s eyes lit up, “now that sounds like my kind of scene. Let’s go blow stuff up.”
Leading a superhero mission was not something Endear thought was in the cards for them this year. Though, to be fair, being a vigilante wasn’t exactly something they thought would happen either. They beat their wings, gliding through the sky towards the factory. They loved this feeling, the wind through their feathers and sun beaming on their back. He loved it, it was worth the hiding, worth the glamor headaches, worth the fear. It was heaven.
“Endear! Down there!”
They angled their wings, folding them in slightly and diving down onto the roof of the biotech factory. He looked at Cuteguy, grinning. “Ready to explode the guys that hurt your boyfriend?”
“Born ready.”, Cuteguy replied.
Endear nodded, closing his eyes and pointing his hands at the vent. Glamour crackled along his arms and shot from his fingers, rattling the vent cover until it flew off.
“And in we go.
He slipped through the vent, wings folded tight against his back. He shimmied through the passage, metal cold against his bare stomach. God, he hated this costume, but he had to maintain the brand. He heard a thump behind him.
“G?”
“Yup”, his mentor croaked.
Though the two of them were of similar build, Endear was significantly more flexible, given his age. This was not to say that shimmying through a vent with broad shoulders and two large appendages on one’s back was easy, but it was easier for him than the vigilante behind him.
When they dropped into the building he was not expecting an audience. Yet, there they were. Staring at him with giant eyes. He waved sheepishly, entirely distracted by the people in front of him.
“Endear?”
He ignored his mentor, he was trying to use his weird pathetic charm, now was not the time to start a conversation.
“Endear!” His voice was more urgent, and they looked backwards. That was when he saw the creeper.
“Give it space!” The familiar undercity warning came easy, but he didn’t heed it. Because then the creeper exploded and everything went black.
Part IV - 237 words
MALONE sits in his recliner, eyes on the television. ELI enters, loudly slamming the door.
MALONE: What’s a matter?
ELI: Life, just life
MALONE: Come sit, watch the game.
ELI: You? Sports? RJ’s really rubbing off on you, ey?
MALONE, shrugging: He seemed excited ‘bout the playoffs. Thought I would watch it so I can talk to it about him later.
ELI: Softie.
MALONE: Chicken.
ELI: You like chicken though, the chicken package made it on the buck list.
MALONE: I like cheap food, I feel neutral about chicken.
ELI: Fine, have your inconsequential views on chicken. Why’d you want me to come sit? I like baseball ‘bout as much as you do.
MALONE: I’ma drop a truth bomb for you, feels like you need it.
ELI, mumbling: God, I hate it when you say that.
MALONE: Life is tough, it’s boring, tiring and generally not a good time.
ELI: Gee, so uplifting!
MALONE holds up a finger: Let me finish. Life is no good if you just let it go by without taking charge. But when you take charge it gets better. You’ve got to make something out of your life, fist fight it into giving what you want. You can’t just let it trod all over you. You have to make your life into what you want. Understand me?
ELI: Yeah, yeah. Fine, I’ll go join that stupid improv troupe.
MALONE smiles, he looks satisfied.
Weekly I - 1,234 words
Part I - 494 words
Raven was not the type to be very vocal about emotions. In fact, one would venture to say that she never quite spoke about her emotions at all. Which was why this situation was so strange, because around this campfire with people she was growing to love, she wanted to share them more than ever. This may have been helped by the fact that Spruce and Esther were sharing small facts about themselves.
“Mother used to call my older brother her golden child, she calls me that now.” Spruce supplied, giving a sad smile and resting his head on his hand. He turned towards her.
“What about you, Raven?”
She looked up from the knife that she’d been sharpening, “what about what?”
“Like, stuff about you. Your life, stuff like that.” Esther gestured vaguely with her hands while she spoke.
Raven remained silent, listening to the sound of the fire crackling. Normally she would not want to share anything about herself. She’d reply with either a shrug or a gesture relying heaving on a certain finger. Fight them off with her usual coldness. But strangely… she didn’t feel that right now. She looked back down at her knife, twirling it as she spoke.
“My father gave me all my knives.”
“Your dad gave you knives?” Esther stared at her in disbelief.
Raven shrunk under the girl’s gaze, “yeah. He was an assassin before he had me. He told me I had to carry on the family business.” Her words were blunt and rather dry, not much different than her normal tone, despite the content of her speech.
“You’re apart of a mafia family!?”
“No. I’m apart of an assassin family. My grandfather was an assassin, my uncle was assassin, and my father was an assassin.” She counted off the members of her family on her fingers.
“First woman assassin?”
“Yeah. He said I had a gift.”
“A gift? What did you do, k!II your brother?” Esther joked.
“No. My mom.” Her words were deadpan as ever.
“You k!II3d your mom?!”
“That’s what my father says.” This wasn’t going well, why was Esther staring at her like that? She liked Esther, now that she saw her true colors was she going to decide that they weren’t going to be friends? Raven wanted friends, she’d never truly had them and she was beginning to like the feeling.
“What do you mean that’s what your father says?” Esther inquired.
“She died giving birth to me,” Raven looked up and threw her knife to the side, it landed in a log scarily close to Spruce’s pant leg. “Pa says we killed her, he and I. It was his fault she got pregnant with me and mine that she died when I came out.”
Spruce looked at the knife next to him and then at Raven. “I think, perhaps, that you and Esther will become very fast friends. Your combined level of daddy issues may be a world record.”
Part II - 114 words
“You look pretty like that.”
“Like what?” They stared at her wide-eyes, arms shaking.
“Like that. With that expression on your face.”
They swallowed hard, taking a step backward, “psychopath, you’re a psychopath.”
“Keep telling yourself that.” She grinned, tilting her head.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god.” They took more steps back, shaking violently. They could hear the faint ding of his phone in the background and they got the distinct feeling that they wouldn’t be able to answer it.
“Oh, sweetheart, God can’t help you now.” She swung her arm and a scythe unfurled behind her, a giggle rising from her mouth in tandem.
Their scream felt like music to her ears.
Part III - 389 words
“So, Endear, what’s the plan.”
Endear looked up from his fidget, staring at his mentor wide-eyed. “Plan? All I was thinking was that we’d go in a blow up some stuff.”
Cuteguy’s eyes lit up, “now that sounds like my kind of scene. Let’s go blow stuff up.”
Leading a superhero mission was not something Endear thought was in the cards for them this year. Though, to be fair, being a vigilante wasn’t exactly something they thought would happen either. They beat their wings, gliding through the sky towards the factory. They loved this feeling, the wind through their feathers and sun beaming on their back. He loved it, it was worth the hiding, worth the glamor headaches, worth the fear. It was heaven.
“Endear! Down there!”
They angled their wings, folding them in slightly and diving down onto the roof of the biotech factory. He looked at Cuteguy, grinning. “Ready to explode the guys that hurt your boyfriend?”
“Born ready.”, Cuteguy replied.
Endear nodded, closing his eyes and pointing his hands at the vent. Glamour crackled along his arms and shot from his fingers, rattling the vent cover until it flew off.
“And in we go.
He slipped through the vent, wings folded tight against his back. He shimmied through the passage, metal cold against his bare stomach. God, he hated this costume, but he had to maintain the brand. He heard a thump behind him.
“G?”
“Yup”, his mentor croaked.
Though the two of them were of similar build, Endear was significantly more flexible, given his age. This was not to say that shimmying through a vent with broad shoulders and two large appendages on one’s back was easy, but it was easier for him than the vigilante behind him.
When they dropped into the building he was not expecting an audience. Yet, there they were. Staring at him with giant eyes. He waved sheepishly, entirely distracted by the people in front of him.
“Endear?”
He ignored his mentor, he was trying to use his weird pathetic charm, now was not the time to start a conversation.
“Endear!” His voice was more urgent, and they looked backwards. That was when he saw the creeper.
“Give it space!” The familiar undercity warning came easy, but he didn’t heed it. Because then the creeper exploded and everything went black.
Part IV - 237 words
MALONE sits in his recliner, eyes on the television. ELI enters, loudly slamming the door.
MALONE: What’s a matter?
ELI: Life, just life
MALONE: Come sit, watch the game.
ELI: You? Sports? RJ’s really rubbing off on you, ey?
MALONE, shrugging: He seemed excited ‘bout the playoffs. Thought I would watch it so I can talk to it about him later.
ELI: Softie.
MALONE: Chicken.
ELI: You like chicken though, the chicken package made it on the buck list.
MALONE: I like cheap food, I feel neutral about chicken.
ELI: Fine, have your inconsequential views on chicken. Why’d you want me to come sit? I like baseball ‘bout as much as you do.
MALONE: I’ma drop a truth bomb for you, feels like you need it.
ELI, mumbling: God, I hate it when you say that.
MALONE: Life is tough, it’s boring, tiring and generally not a good time.
ELI: Gee, so uplifting!
MALONE holds up a finger: Let me finish. Life is no good if you just let it go by without taking charge. But when you take charge it gets better. You’ve got to make something out of your life, fist fight it into giving what you want. You can’t just let it trod all over you. You have to make your life into what you want. Understand me?
ELI: Yeah, yeah. Fine, I’ll go join that stupid improv troupe.
MALONE smiles, he looks satisfied.
Last edited by Le_lake (Nov. 9, 2024 23:58:04)
- -WildClan-
-
Scratcher
100+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
PART 1: Consistent Character Voices
Courage’s laugh rang out, light and joyous. “I did it!” he cheered, looking eagerly at the prey he had taken down.
Maroon smiled tiredly. The young wolf reminded her so much of her former apprentice, back when things were… well, not simpler. Not easier. When you walked a path of blood and power, your life was never simple or easy. But the weight of the crown hadn’t felt quite so heavy, then. It hadn’t yet divided them.
Maybe if she hadn’t pushed him so far, then he wouldn’t have turned on her in the end. Maybe if she hadn’t retaliated with anger, he would still be here. Maybe…
No. It wouldn’t do any good to imagine what was never meant to be. This wasn’t a battle to be analyzed for strategy. This wasn’t a speech to her people, trying to justify what had gone down and persuade them to keep fighting. This was a ghost. And gods knew, she had laid plenty of others to rest in her time.
She had built her legacy, and he had built his. Pups like Courage now grew up on those stories, letting the visions of grandeur ignite the flame in their hearts. It was their turn to carry that fire. “Not bad,” she praised Courage.
The younger wolf wagged his tail and grinned. “I’m great at this, right?”
Maroon snorted. “The very best there’s ever been.”
“Even better than you?”
“Hmm,” she deliberated, giving him a glance from the corner of her eye. “Well, maybe not quite yet. But you’re getting better every day.”
He was nowhere near the skill levels of the elite hunters or fighters, of course. Maroon saw every little flaw in his methods. This time, though, she wasn’t trying to train a successor to the crown. She was just spending time with a Packmate.
Still, she admired his enthusiasm. Maybe he did show promise.
She shook her pelt. No, she wasn’t going to take him on as an apprentice. No more blood and bones and war. Those days were behind her now. Instead, she’d try to learn from him: how to live an average life and find happiness in the little things. The future of Briny Pack was someone else’s concern now.
As Courage bounded on ahead, his prey clasped proudly in his jaws, Maroon relished the breeze that came in over the ocean. Whispering and howling against the cliffs like a chorus of voices breaking out into song, she felt it ruffle the fur on her head where the crown once weighed.
She could almost believe that his voice was among them. “Legends never die,” she whispered, nodding her acknowledgment to the wind. Just in case he could still hear, wherever he was now.
“Are ‘ou ‘oming?” Courage called back, his full mouth muffling his words.
Maroon lifted her head, turning forward to where the young wolf waited for her at the crest of a hill. Her paws springing into motion, she raced over the familiar ground, the breeze at her back. “Yes,” she answered as she reached his side. “I am.”
PART 2: Using Dialogue Effectively
“Dewdrop…” Thorn blinked in surprise. “I haven’t seen you since I returned to the colony. Are you…”
Dewdrop turned towards him, staring blankly.
“…Dewdrop?”
“I… Thorn. Yeah, it has been a while, hasn’t it?” Dewdrop spoke at last, focusing their gaze.
Thorn opened his mouth, then sighed. “Everything that happened back then… Well, we’re alright now, aren’t we?” His voice wavered.
Dewdrop glanced up at the glowing aurora in the sky. “We will be. I hope.”
Thorn followed his sibling’s look. “They’re watching over us,” he murmured, smoothing his ruffled fur.
Dewdrop growled. “No. They’re not.”
PART 3: Foreshadowing
“The eggs are hatching!” Ember trilled. “Come quick!”
Every ear tuft in the colony perked up simultaneously. A flurry of wingbeats ensued, ushering Marigold to the little nest.
She alighted on the edge, claws gripping the branches tightly, and gasped. “It’s really time?”
“Yes, look!” Ember nudged one of the eggs, turning it to reveal a crack in its smooth shell.
“I- is there anything we’re supposed to do?”
“I don’t know,” Ember blinked rapidly.
“Just leave them be,” Swift assured them as he landed beside Marigold. “They’ll take a little while to come out, but soon, we’ll have three beautiful new faces to welcome into the colony.”
Ember nodded warmly. “Of course. Thank you, Swift.”
“Yeah… thanks,” Marigold echoed.
“Any time,” Swift chuckled. “Shall I leave you in peace, then?”
“Yes, please,” Marigold nodded stiffly.
After he took off, Marigold huddled closer to Ember. Together, they watched with baited breath as the first egg began to split open.
“We’ll raise them to be kind,” Marigold murmured.
“And curious,” Ember added, brushing Marigold’s wing with his own.
“And brave.”
“And happy.”
Ember and Marigold smiled at each other. They knew the rest of the colony were still perched around nearby, anxiously awaiting the hatchlings’ grand entrance. But for the two of them, their whole world was confined to this one little nest.
The first egg broke in half, releasing its occupant. Marigold quickly leaned over and brushed the shell fragments away.
“Our first child,” she announced softly. Tenderly, she licked the juice off of the hatchling’s fur. It coughed, then squeaked.
“Already singing,” Ember noted with pride. “They’ll fit in well in this family.”
By now, the other two eggs were beginning to tremble, too, cracks spreading across their surface. Piece by piece, the second egg was pecked apart, crumbling into shards. The hatchling peeked out, its big egg tooth giving it a funny expression.
“Like he’s got a thorn stuck on his face,” Ember laughed.
“Is that what we should call this one? Thorn?”
“That’s a fine name,” Ember approved.
PART 4: Script
*The night sky glows with a soft aurora. Thorn, a shazarxa with short, scruffy fur, sits alone on the edge of a cliff, gazing at the sky, lost in thought. Footsteps crunch against the frozen ground behind him.*
THORN, turning his head, eyes widening: Dewdrop… I haven’t seen you since I got back to the colony. Are you…?
*Dewdrop, Thorn’s sibling, stands motionless, backlit by the glow of the aurora. Their eyes are distant, almost unrecognizable.*
THORN, softly, almost hesitant: …Dewdrop?
*Dewdrop blinks, focusing on Thorn as if emerging from a trance.*
DEWDROP, voice low, almost detached: I… Thorn. Yeah, it has been a while, hasn’t it?
*Thorn shifts uncomfortably, searching for words.*
THORN: A while… yeah. Look, Dewdrop, I know everything that happened back then was… complicated. But we’re alright now, aren’t we? *(His voice wavers slightly, betraying a hint of vulnerability.)*
*Dewdrop’s gaze drifts upward to the aurora. They stare into the lights, as if searching for something.*
DEWDROP: We will be. I hope.
*Thorn follows Dewdrop’s gaze, his eyes softening as he watches the colors ripple across the sky.*
THORN: They’re watching over us, Dewdrop. *He smooths his ruffled fur, comforted by the thought.*
*Dewdrop’s face twists in a bitter expression, eyes narrowing.*
DEWDROP: No. They’re not.
*Thorn’s hopeful look fades. He turns toward Dewdrop, his expression filling with confusion and fear.*
THORN: What are you saying?
*Dewdrop clenches their jaw, struggling to keep their voice steady.*
DEWDROP, whispering, almost to themselves: We trusted them. And what did they do? They left us. Left us with scraps, fighting over what was left.
*Thorn opens his mouth, unsure how to respond. The silence stretches, filled only by the soft crackling of distant ice.*
THORN: They… they did what they could. Our ancestors… they had to make choices, and maybe they were—
DEWDROP, cutting him off, a raw edge to their voice: No, Thorn. They could have saved us, all of us. And they didn’t. They let us fall apart.
*Thorn takes a step closer, his eyes soft with empathy and confusion.*
THORN: Maybe they made mistakes, Dewdrop. But… carrying this bitterness, holding onto it—it’s tearing you apart. I would know. It tore ME apart.
DEWDROP: Maybe I don’t want to let go, Thorn. Maybe I want someone to feel what we went through, what I went through. I’m ending this, Thorn. It’s the only way.
- -vanillamochabear-
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
weekly #1 ~ dialogue 0000 words total
part one: consistent character voices
the bell rang - a tinny sound that really crawled its way into anyone’s ear, an unpleasant screech in the run-down halls of the school. everyone clearly flinched, but conversation eases on as quickly as it had paused. the school day had officially started, and they had a full ten minutes before they had to head to class. most of the kids were very well going to use every last second to catch up with their friends before a long day of lectures and busywork.
in one corner of the hall, joy and mary were busily talking, hands moving until they were almost blurs in the air. they laughed, and in the middle of it, joy felt a tap on her shoulder. she turned around, seeing an unfamiliar face.
“hi!” she said brightly, smiling. “are you new? can i help you? what’s your name?”
the student takes a little step back, overwhelmed by the rapid fire of questions. “i’m mae.” she said, simply.
“cool, i’m joy, and this is mary!” mary waved excitedly from behind her.
“nice to meet you, welcome,” she chimed in. “anything you need help with? i know it’s big around here, and we’d be more than happy to guide you anywhere before the second bell rings.”
mae frowned. yep, these two were definitely… joyous. still, she needed to find her classes, so she took a breath. “do you know where these rooms are?”
one of the girls - joy - glanced over at the sheet of paper, brows furrowing thoughtfully. “oh, that’s a fun schedule. i think you’ll like most of the teachers. beware of ms. ore though, she’s a bit strict sometimes.”
mae didn’t know what to say to that, so she nodded. “thanks. …the rooms?”
“oh! yeah, sorry. do you want me to lead you to them? i think we have time - “
“no,” she cut in, a bit too suddenly. “thanks,” she added, “could you just point?”
“of course! whatever makes you comfortable. so, down that hall there, it kind of splits - room 542 would be on the left, and they’re all labeled on the doors.”
mary nodded. “anything above the number 600 is on the second floor. it’s kind of weird, but you’ll get used to it. oh, and all the important stuff is at the front of the building where you entered - cafeteria, office, whatever else.”
“that’s cool.” mae said.
“it’s a lot of information to take in, sorry! are you sure you don’t want a tour?”
mae nodded again. “i’m sure, thanks.”
“well, find us if you need us. have a good day!”
mae was already walking away down the hall they pointed, staring at the floor. she tried to keep from turning pink, that was probably one of her worst interactions to date. gosh, she hated having to go to new places so often - and she never seemed to get the hang of it, either.
fortunately, the girls seemed genuinely nice.
maybe she'd find them for lunch.
part two: using dialogue effectively - 183 words (100 dialogue)
“what’s up with you today?” joy asked, frowning slightly.
“what do you mean?”
“you have this faraway look in your eyes, like you’re daydreaming. and i know you, you’re never a daydreamer.”
“is there something wrong with that?” mae bit harshly.
“no! no, of course not. i didn’t mean that. i just meant, it’s a little unusual, for you.”
“who are you to say what’s normal for me?” mae turned to face her. “i’m pretty sure i know myself, thanks.”
“there’s the mae i know,” joy muttered softly. she knows not to let the words get to her.
the silence settles between the two for a while, a soft blanket of comfort. their backs lean against a brick wall warmed with sunlight, as they go back to quietly enjoying each other’s company. (joy can still see that softness in the way her friend stares off into nothing.) “can i trust you with something? can you promise me that?” comes may, suddenly.
she stared. “what? of course you can. that's a stupid question, and you know it.”
”i'm in love.”
and joy smiled. finally.
part three: foreshadowing
the streets are cold. mae bundles up tighter, wandering aimlessly. she wasn’t sure where to find the store - she really needed a refresh on groceries, but no one was home, so that left her to be here all by herself.
as much as she hated to admit it, she hated being alone. so when a man comes by, she stops him.
“excuse me sir, would you happen to know where the local market is?”
“just down the road, ma’am. it’s a little blocked up at the moment, but it should mostly be fine - there’s a door in the back too, if you need.”
“um… thanks.” it sounds a little suspicious, but she really needed that bread, so she goes to check it out.
“be careful. i can’t control what you do, but i trust our youth to be making good decisciouns, okay?”
mae nodded, hurrying along. the man was weird - why was he acting like she was about to commit some sort of major crime? and if he suspected she would, why was he helping her?
the shack is there, as promised - it is boarded up as described, but there are no signs. it looks nothing like a store at all, in fact. there’s not a door i nthe front - maybe that was a thing that was common for this area?
she hated herself for being so unfamiliar.
she heads to the back anyway, hoping for a bit more life over there. it starts to snow now, flurries coming down thick and heavy.
when she reached the back, there’s a group of kids waiting for her.
“what are you doing, punk?” she froze, not really sure what to do now.
was wanting apples too much to ask for?
she turns on her heels and runs far away. maybe another day, then.
it takes her another three months to learn that the local store is a code name for another group, one that joy seemed to be afraid of.
part four: script
joy’s house, 11pm, friday night.
two figures are seen lying on the floor, staring up into the ceiling. they’re not quite doing anything, currently.
i’m bored.
i know you are. but what now? it’s not even midnight yet, and we’ve already gone through two movies. do you want to sleep?
sleeping is for the weak. who the heeee sleeps at a sleepover?
come on, it’s literally in the name. we need to rest to function. i hope you’ve been getting your eight hours a day.
joy smiles cheekily, carefully deciding not to answer the question.
so? another movie? i’m down for anything if you are.
no, absolutely not. if we have to sit still for another minute, i am going to explode. - she jumps up, floor shaking slightly, and stands over her friend. - pick an activity.
ooh. i don’t know, i don’t really have experience in anything like this. do you mean, something along the lines of painting each other's nails?
yeah, you’re on the right track - classic sleepover activities! hold on, i’ll be back.
she disappears into her closet, and a variety of rummaging noises can be heard. she comes back out frowning.
i’m out of nail polish.
baking?
a wicked smile forms on joy’s face. oh, this is going to be fantastic.
part one: consistent character voices
the bell rang - a tinny sound that really crawled its way into anyone’s ear, an unpleasant screech in the run-down halls of the school. everyone clearly flinched, but conversation eases on as quickly as it had paused. the school day had officially started, and they had a full ten minutes before they had to head to class. most of the kids were very well going to use every last second to catch up with their friends before a long day of lectures and busywork.
in one corner of the hall, joy and mary were busily talking, hands moving until they were almost blurs in the air. they laughed, and in the middle of it, joy felt a tap on her shoulder. she turned around, seeing an unfamiliar face.
“hi!” she said brightly, smiling. “are you new? can i help you? what’s your name?”
the student takes a little step back, overwhelmed by the rapid fire of questions. “i’m mae.” she said, simply.
“cool, i’m joy, and this is mary!” mary waved excitedly from behind her.
“nice to meet you, welcome,” she chimed in. “anything you need help with? i know it’s big around here, and we’d be more than happy to guide you anywhere before the second bell rings.”
mae frowned. yep, these two were definitely… joyous. still, she needed to find her classes, so she took a breath. “do you know where these rooms are?”
one of the girls - joy - glanced over at the sheet of paper, brows furrowing thoughtfully. “oh, that’s a fun schedule. i think you’ll like most of the teachers. beware of ms. ore though, she’s a bit strict sometimes.”
mae didn’t know what to say to that, so she nodded. “thanks. …the rooms?”
“oh! yeah, sorry. do you want me to lead you to them? i think we have time - “
“no,” she cut in, a bit too suddenly. “thanks,” she added, “could you just point?”
“of course! whatever makes you comfortable. so, down that hall there, it kind of splits - room 542 would be on the left, and they’re all labeled on the doors.”
mary nodded. “anything above the number 600 is on the second floor. it’s kind of weird, but you’ll get used to it. oh, and all the important stuff is at the front of the building where you entered - cafeteria, office, whatever else.”
“that’s cool.” mae said.
“it’s a lot of information to take in, sorry! are you sure you don’t want a tour?”
mae nodded again. “i’m sure, thanks.”
“well, find us if you need us. have a good day!”
mae was already walking away down the hall they pointed, staring at the floor. she tried to keep from turning pink, that was probably one of her worst interactions to date. gosh, she hated having to go to new places so often - and she never seemed to get the hang of it, either.
fortunately, the girls seemed genuinely nice.
maybe she'd find them for lunch.
part two: using dialogue effectively - 183 words (100 dialogue)
“what’s up with you today?” joy asked, frowning slightly.
“what do you mean?”
“you have this faraway look in your eyes, like you’re daydreaming. and i know you, you’re never a daydreamer.”
“is there something wrong with that?” mae bit harshly.
“no! no, of course not. i didn’t mean that. i just meant, it’s a little unusual, for you.”
“who are you to say what’s normal for me?” mae turned to face her. “i’m pretty sure i know myself, thanks.”
“there’s the mae i know,” joy muttered softly. she knows not to let the words get to her.
the silence settles between the two for a while, a soft blanket of comfort. their backs lean against a brick wall warmed with sunlight, as they go back to quietly enjoying each other’s company. (joy can still see that softness in the way her friend stares off into nothing.) “can i trust you with something? can you promise me that?” comes may, suddenly.
she stared. “what? of course you can. that's a stupid question, and you know it.”
”i'm in love.”
and joy smiled. finally.
part three: foreshadowing
the streets are cold. mae bundles up tighter, wandering aimlessly. she wasn’t sure where to find the store - she really needed a refresh on groceries, but no one was home, so that left her to be here all by herself.
as much as she hated to admit it, she hated being alone. so when a man comes by, she stops him.
“excuse me sir, would you happen to know where the local market is?”
“just down the road, ma’am. it’s a little blocked up at the moment, but it should mostly be fine - there’s a door in the back too, if you need.”
“um… thanks.” it sounds a little suspicious, but she really needed that bread, so she goes to check it out.
“be careful. i can’t control what you do, but i trust our youth to be making good decisciouns, okay?”
mae nodded, hurrying along. the man was weird - why was he acting like she was about to commit some sort of major crime? and if he suspected she would, why was he helping her?
the shack is there, as promised - it is boarded up as described, but there are no signs. it looks nothing like a store at all, in fact. there’s not a door i nthe front - maybe that was a thing that was common for this area?
she hated herself for being so unfamiliar.
she heads to the back anyway, hoping for a bit more life over there. it starts to snow now, flurries coming down thick and heavy.
when she reached the back, there’s a group of kids waiting for her.
“what are you doing, punk?” she froze, not really sure what to do now.
was wanting apples too much to ask for?
she turns on her heels and runs far away. maybe another day, then.
it takes her another three months to learn that the local store is a code name for another group, one that joy seemed to be afraid of.
part four: script
joy’s house, 11pm, friday night.
two figures are seen lying on the floor, staring up into the ceiling. they’re not quite doing anything, currently.
i’m bored.
i know you are. but what now? it’s not even midnight yet, and we’ve already gone through two movies. do you want to sleep?
sleeping is for the weak. who the heeee sleeps at a sleepover?
come on, it’s literally in the name. we need to rest to function. i hope you’ve been getting your eight hours a day.
joy smiles cheekily, carefully deciding not to answer the question.
so? another movie? i’m down for anything if you are.
no, absolutely not. if we have to sit still for another minute, i am going to explode. - she jumps up, floor shaking slightly, and stands over her friend. - pick an activity.
ooh. i don’t know, i don’t really have experience in anything like this. do you mean, something along the lines of painting each other's nails?
yeah, you’re on the right track - classic sleepover activities! hold on, i’ll be back.
she disappears into her closet, and a variety of rummaging noises can be heard. she comes back out frowning.
i’m out of nail polish.
baking?
a wicked smile forms on joy’s face. oh, this is going to be fantastic.
- Amethyst-animation
-
Scratcher
1000+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
Cabin Wars Collab Story
Genre: Fantasy
Include: song titles
i'm thinking that we have magical stuff? maybe there's a magical amulet that people want for some reason? and one person is guarding it for some reason?
Genre: Fantasy
Include: song titles
i'm thinking that we have magical stuff? maybe there's a magical amulet that people want for some reason? and one person is guarding it for some reason?
Last edited by Amethyst-animation (Nov. 10, 2024 01:00:52)
- babyoda1546
-
Scratcher
500+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
Cabin Wars Collab Story (w/ Avia, Amethyst, and Aurora )
Genre: Fantasy
Include: Song titles
Ideas!:
Genre: Fantasy
Include: Song titles
Ideas!:
- magical stuff
maybe there's a magical amulet that people want for some reason (Maybe it's a necklace of healing and someone needs it to save their *insert family, friend, or significant other*, but they have to get past (unfriendly) dragons and wizards and undead knights!!!!
- Amethyst-animation
-
Scratcher
1000+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
Cabin War collab (cuz the other cabin was being mean):
Wait for me- Hadestown
Stay alive-Hamilton
Dangerous-Epic
“Sir?” The medic grabbed my attention. I jumped out of my seat.
“Is she ok!?” I asked anxiously.
“Your wife has an illness we’ve never seen before.” the medic says sadly.
“Is it bad!? Will she be ok!?” I asked anxiously. The medic gave me a sad look.
“Well, I have good news and bad news. What do you want first?” the medic asked.
“I don’t care! Just tell me!” I said desperately.
“Bad news: We’ve never seen anything like this before. Good news: I have an idea for a cure.” the medic said.
“Let’s hear it! I’ll do anything to save her!” I say, determined to save my wife.
That’s how I ended up trekking through this forest, with nothing but some food, a canteen full of water, a map, and a sword. I followed the river as I was told, determined to save my wife. I have to find that amulet within 9 days or my wife is doomed. I have to cure her, even if it’s the last thing I do. They warned me of the dangers of this quest. I didn’t care how many challenges stood in my way, I didn’t care how dangerous it was, I would save my wife. I’d burn the whole world for her. Wait for me, dear, I'm coming. Just stay alive.
–
Amethyst's Part - 325 words
Wouldn't You Like - Epic
Suffering - Epic
Monster (rawr rawr rawr) - Epic
It was partway through the third day that I was hit with my first wave of doubts.
I didn't know where I was going. All I had was an old map that had been sold to me by an – albeit sketchy – traveller on the side of the road. According to legend passed through word of mouth, a dragon's lair lay at the peak of a mountain far, far away. The legend sang of a time long gone, where dragons ruled the earth – where the gods had granted a noble dragon an amulet with the power to heal anything and everyone. The amulet had been sort out by thousands of desperate people, but they had all disappeared without a trace.
I really don't know what I'm doing.
"Wouldn't you like to know?“
My eyes jumped to meet that of a girl's. She was perhaps ten years younger than me – couldn't be more than a teenager. I narrowed my gaze, although in her I saw my long-gone sister.
”You're suffering,“ the girl continued. ”I can see great sorrow within your heart. And yet, you're seeking out a monster to fight.“
”Are you a mind reader?“ I demanded, unsheathing a sword instinctively. I didn't trust those magic folk. They seemed way too strong for comfort - although I doubted that girl could do much to me. As though taunting me, the girl smirked, revealing a hidden dagger within the folds of her cloak.
”No need to get hasty,“ the girl said. ”I'm looking for that amulet as well. My father is sick, and I would appreciate help.“
”Do you know where to go?“
”Of course,“ she said, tapping her head. ”Heard about it. You'd be surprised at the amount of secrets there are in this world.“
Cautiously putting my sword back in my sheath, I outstretched my hand to shake hers. ”Great. Who wouldn't want a mind reader to help them fight a dragon?"
Wait for me- Hadestown
Stay alive-Hamilton
Dangerous-Epic
“Sir?” The medic grabbed my attention. I jumped out of my seat.
“Is she ok!?” I asked anxiously.
“Your wife has an illness we’ve never seen before.” the medic says sadly.
“Is it bad!? Will she be ok!?” I asked anxiously. The medic gave me a sad look.
“Well, I have good news and bad news. What do you want first?” the medic asked.
“I don’t care! Just tell me!” I said desperately.
“Bad news: We’ve never seen anything like this before. Good news: I have an idea for a cure.” the medic said.
“Let’s hear it! I’ll do anything to save her!” I say, determined to save my wife.
That’s how I ended up trekking through this forest, with nothing but some food, a canteen full of water, a map, and a sword. I followed the river as I was told, determined to save my wife. I have to find that amulet within 9 days or my wife is doomed. I have to cure her, even if it’s the last thing I do. They warned me of the dangers of this quest. I didn’t care how many challenges stood in my way, I didn’t care how dangerous it was, I would save my wife. I’d burn the whole world for her. Wait for me, dear, I'm coming. Just stay alive.
–
Amethyst's Part - 325 words
Wouldn't You Like - Epic
Suffering - Epic
Monster (rawr rawr rawr) - Epic
It was partway through the third day that I was hit with my first wave of doubts.
I didn't know where I was going. All I had was an old map that had been sold to me by an – albeit sketchy – traveller on the side of the road. According to legend passed through word of mouth, a dragon's lair lay at the peak of a mountain far, far away. The legend sang of a time long gone, where dragons ruled the earth – where the gods had granted a noble dragon an amulet with the power to heal anything and everyone. The amulet had been sort out by thousands of desperate people, but they had all disappeared without a trace.
I really don't know what I'm doing.
"Wouldn't you like to know?“
My eyes jumped to meet that of a girl's. She was perhaps ten years younger than me – couldn't be more than a teenager. I narrowed my gaze, although in her I saw my long-gone sister.
”You're suffering,“ the girl continued. ”I can see great sorrow within your heart. And yet, you're seeking out a monster to fight.“
”Are you a mind reader?“ I demanded, unsheathing a sword instinctively. I didn't trust those magic folk. They seemed way too strong for comfort - although I doubted that girl could do much to me. As though taunting me, the girl smirked, revealing a hidden dagger within the folds of her cloak.
”No need to get hasty,“ the girl said. ”I'm looking for that amulet as well. My father is sick, and I would appreciate help.“
”Do you know where to go?“
”Of course,“ she said, tapping her head. ”Heard about it. You'd be surprised at the amount of secrets there are in this world.“
Cautiously putting my sword back in my sheath, I outstretched my hand to shake hers. ”Great. Who wouldn't want a mind reader to help them fight a dragon?"
- silverlynx-
-
Scratcher
100+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
I Can Trust No One - Orwell Youth Prize
Livvy Tenson buried her flushed face in her hands.
I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough.
Tears splashed onto her already sodden clothes. She bit her lip, blood blossoming and trickling down her chin a steady stream of crimson.
Words echoed around inside her head, all muddling up together.
Weirdo. Stupid. Strange. Idiot.
She had just experienced her first day of school in England.
And it was the worst day of her life.
She closed her eyes, and immediately saw the cruel faces of the children laughing at her.
“What did she just say?”
“She’s so weird!”
“Come on, I don’t have time for idiots!”
The girls all smirked and flicked their hair.
“Let’s go.” One of them said, their voice laced with malice.
They strutted away giggling and laughing, throwing the occasional glance over their shoulders at Livvy, huddled by herself.
I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough.
Livvy snapped her eyes open, her breathing fast and shallow. Why couldn’t she just be normal? She brushed away the tears and pulled her duvet close, gripping it tightly, her knuckles a pearly white.
“Livvy! Livvy!” Her mother’s voice drifted up the stairs, startling her out of her thoughts.
There was a sharp knock at the door, and her mother’s gentle face poked out.
“Hi! Dinner’s ready! Your favourite!” She exclaimed.
She nodded mutely. “Ok, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Mother’s face dropped. “All right, darling.”
Livvy waited until she heard Mother’s footsteps echo away before she got up. She gazed at herself in the mirror. Her hair was rumpled and tangled, her skin pale and dull and her eyes seemed to be drained of all colour there ever was.
Livvy Tenson buried her flushed face in her hands.
I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough.
Tears splashed onto her already sodden clothes. She bit her lip, blood blossoming and trickling down her chin a steady stream of crimson.
Words echoed around inside her head, all muddling up together.
Weirdo. Stupid. Strange. Idiot.
She had just experienced her first day of school in England.
And it was the worst day of her life.
She closed her eyes, and immediately saw the cruel faces of the children laughing at her.
“What did she just say?”
“She’s so weird!”
“Come on, I don’t have time for idiots!”
The girls all smirked and flicked their hair.
“Let’s go.” One of them said, their voice laced with malice.
They strutted away giggling and laughing, throwing the occasional glance over their shoulders at Livvy, huddled by herself.
I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough.
Livvy snapped her eyes open, her breathing fast and shallow. Why couldn’t she just be normal? She brushed away the tears and pulled her duvet close, gripping it tightly, her knuckles a pearly white.
“Livvy! Livvy!” Her mother’s voice drifted up the stairs, startling her out of her thoughts.
There was a sharp knock at the door, and her mother’s gentle face poked out.
“Hi! Dinner’s ready! Your favourite!” She exclaimed.
She nodded mutely. “Ok, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Mother’s face dropped. “All right, darling.”
Livvy waited until she heard Mother’s footsteps echo away before she got up. She gazed at herself in the mirror. Her hair was rumpled and tangled, her skin pale and dull and her eyes seemed to be drained of all colour there ever was.
- theawesomemarbler
-
Scratcher
100+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
return to main post
Weekly #2
Part 1: Storyline Description
You found yourself lost when venturing into the woods, but there's an old amusement park in front of you that you decided to explore. At the very edge of the amusement park, you noticed a town in the distance right past the riverbed. Crossing by the dried riverbed, you gaze in awe at the bright, brilliant green fields. You entered the town, expecting the place to be bustling with people with so many roadside restaurants, but there was no one in sight. You felt curious, and investigate the reason why the town is so deserted. You investigated for so long, you fail to notice the Sun setting and the riverbed was filled with rushing water. Dark shadows started looming across the street as you slowly start to register what happened. As you try to escape, a hand from one of the shops dragged you inside. You tried to scream, but that hand closed around your mouth.
“Shh,” it said, “be quiet, or she'll hear you.” You do not want to bother knowing who this mysterious “she” is, you only want to leave.
“Listen, I'm by your side.” You noticed a young man right next to you, holding out a small red pill.
“Here, eat this, so you will not disappear from this world, because you are not from here.”
You obliged and swallowed the pill. But you were wondering what sort of place this was.
“You have been spirited away.” The man said, as though reading your thoughts, “And you need to be careful around here. You can only go back in one month's time, so watch out.” With that, the man invited you to the bathhouse at the edge of town, you noticed the golden words etched on the building.
“Welcome to Fantasy's Spirited Away.”
296 words
Part 2: Aesthetic Set
The aesthetic is in this project, low effort because had no time xD
Part 3: Cabin Parody
original song: Halzion by YOASOBI
When lost around at an abandoned old park
I decided to explore around
When the town in the distance was sparkling over
And it decided to catch my eye
Without thinking I walked ahead
Across the dry old riverbed
Not thinking much of this strange little town right over there
Little did I know this place was truly deserted
Until it went all dark
And then this was when it all changed
My name is gone
I don't remember who I am
The greedy humans who came with me had turned into pigs
Stuck in this world with the undead
I eventually find myself trapped in this world
The river is now fully filled
Without a choice I turned to the nearest bathhouse
Which is the only place where I can remain being alive
Hopefully there I will work and just remember my name
When is this all going to end?
I ask myself almost every day right now
It has been a whole month since I've been spirited away
Every time I close my eyes
I try to think about the endless possibilities of my name
But as the witch of the bathhouse approached to me
Say I am finally done with work
I breathed a sigh of relief as she told me my good news
I will soon be able to regain the memory of
The precious, most wanted memory of my name
235 words
Part 4: Composing a Story with the New Cabin Idea
“This is all so tough. Why did we even think about crossing that riverbed? Now we're trapped here doing dirty work…”
“Hush, don't complain, Yume. It'll be over soon. We just need to work one month to get out of this mess.”
“Uh, actually until we find a way to remember our real names. Else we'll be trapped in this contract forever-”
“Oh yeah…”
Marbles was discussing his journey throughout the month while preparing the premium room alongside Oly and Yume, who were also stuck with him. They've been stuck here for almost a month now, and yet they still have no idea what their names are to be able to escape this world.
“Marbles, Oly, Yume, the next customer is on its way to your room! Is the bathtub ready?”
“Yes! We're ready!”
Suddenly, a putrid smell filled the air and made everyone sick.
“Guys, I think this might be a challenging customer…”
“Shut up! We can't let them hear us talk like this. It'll mean bad for business and the witch will curse us into coal or pigs!”
The foul smell had gotten stronger as the customer managed to get into their room. Oly had almost puked in disgust. It was a giant, mouldy leech. Its head was staring down at them as it breathed a horrible breath of air, as if threatening the trio “If your service is terrible or you think I'm unpalatable for looks or smell, you will really get it.”
“H-Hi! Welcome to the b-bathouse! What's y-your service required t-today?” Marbles asked in a strained voice.
The creature said nothing but dived headfirst into the tub at the center of the room. It was clear what he wanted.
“Marbles, Oly. Let's go clean this thing. The faster we get it done, the faster the witch will reward us.” Yume said as she grabbed the bathing materials and started pouring the soapy substances into the water.
“Well, let's get started.”
With all their might, they started treating the creature with food and their cleaning. It was a tedious job, since this creature had no mouth to talk, nor does it have eyes to see, so it was very hard to tell when it was satisfied. Hence the trio continued to work hard day and night. Eventually the creature was clean, but its breath was still smelly.
“Maybe it didn't brush its teeth?” Oly suggested as she pry open the mouth of the creature, seeing millions of rotten teeth inside.
“Uhh, guys… I think our job isn't over yet…”
With new cleaning materials Marbles went to receive from the front desk, they started treating the creature again. But it was harder than ever, because the creature can't stop chewing since it wants more food. They had to change toothbrush over toothbrush to be able to clean the creature's teeth after countless hours, where they all collapsed as they gasped at the creature's true identity.
It was a beautiful celestial, her beauty was as grand as the Sun looking down upon them, her face was as sweet as the newly blossomed flower bud. When she spoke, her voice was as melodious as a morning bird.
“Thank you, the three of you. I transformed into that leech to test anyone in this bathhouse for accepting people not for who they are, but for helping them. Since you three are the only ones in this bathhouse who serviced me, I shall reward you three with a wish. What would it be?”
Without hesitation, Marbles piped up and exclaimed, “We would want to know our names please!”
“Very well. Your wish is granted.”
Abruptly, the trio reawoke back at the old amusement park, entirely dumbfounded.
“What happened?”
“I don't know, I think we might have fallen asleep here… Oh no! I think the party is starting!”
“Didn't I tell you guys we were late? Come let's go!”
With that, they left the spirited world away, they didn't look back at where they came from.
664 words
1195 words in total
Weekly #2
Part 1: Storyline Description
You found yourself lost when venturing into the woods, but there's an old amusement park in front of you that you decided to explore. At the very edge of the amusement park, you noticed a town in the distance right past the riverbed. Crossing by the dried riverbed, you gaze in awe at the bright, brilliant green fields. You entered the town, expecting the place to be bustling with people with so many roadside restaurants, but there was no one in sight. You felt curious, and investigate the reason why the town is so deserted. You investigated for so long, you fail to notice the Sun setting and the riverbed was filled with rushing water. Dark shadows started looming across the street as you slowly start to register what happened. As you try to escape, a hand from one of the shops dragged you inside. You tried to scream, but that hand closed around your mouth.
“Shh,” it said, “be quiet, or she'll hear you.” You do not want to bother knowing who this mysterious “she” is, you only want to leave.
“Listen, I'm by your side.” You noticed a young man right next to you, holding out a small red pill.
“Here, eat this, so you will not disappear from this world, because you are not from here.”
You obliged and swallowed the pill. But you were wondering what sort of place this was.
“You have been spirited away.” The man said, as though reading your thoughts, “And you need to be careful around here. You can only go back in one month's time, so watch out.” With that, the man invited you to the bathhouse at the edge of town, you noticed the golden words etched on the building.
“Welcome to Fantasy's Spirited Away.”
296 words
Part 2: Aesthetic Set
The aesthetic is in this project, low effort because had no time xD
Part 3: Cabin Parody
original song: Halzion by YOASOBI
When lost around at an abandoned old park
I decided to explore around
When the town in the distance was sparkling over
And it decided to catch my eye
Without thinking I walked ahead
Across the dry old riverbed
Not thinking much of this strange little town right over there
Little did I know this place was truly deserted
Until it went all dark
And then this was when it all changed
My name is gone
I don't remember who I am
The greedy humans who came with me had turned into pigs
Stuck in this world with the undead
I eventually find myself trapped in this world
The river is now fully filled
Without a choice I turned to the nearest bathhouse
Which is the only place where I can remain being alive
Hopefully there I will work and just remember my name
When is this all going to end?
I ask myself almost every day right now
It has been a whole month since I've been spirited away
Every time I close my eyes
I try to think about the endless possibilities of my name
But as the witch of the bathhouse approached to me
Say I am finally done with work
I breathed a sigh of relief as she told me my good news
I will soon be able to regain the memory of
The precious, most wanted memory of my name
235 words
Part 4: Composing a Story with the New Cabin Idea
“This is all so tough. Why did we even think about crossing that riverbed? Now we're trapped here doing dirty work…”
“Hush, don't complain, Yume. It'll be over soon. We just need to work one month to get out of this mess.”
“Uh, actually until we find a way to remember our real names. Else we'll be trapped in this contract forever-”
“Oh yeah…”
Marbles was discussing his journey throughout the month while preparing the premium room alongside Oly and Yume, who were also stuck with him. They've been stuck here for almost a month now, and yet they still have no idea what their names are to be able to escape this world.
“Marbles, Oly, Yume, the next customer is on its way to your room! Is the bathtub ready?”
“Yes! We're ready!”
Suddenly, a putrid smell filled the air and made everyone sick.
“Guys, I think this might be a challenging customer…”
“Shut up! We can't let them hear us talk like this. It'll mean bad for business and the witch will curse us into coal or pigs!”
The foul smell had gotten stronger as the customer managed to get into their room. Oly had almost puked in disgust. It was a giant, mouldy leech. Its head was staring down at them as it breathed a horrible breath of air, as if threatening the trio “If your service is terrible or you think I'm unpalatable for looks or smell, you will really get it.”
“H-Hi! Welcome to the b-bathouse! What's y-your service required t-today?” Marbles asked in a strained voice.
The creature said nothing but dived headfirst into the tub at the center of the room. It was clear what he wanted.
“Marbles, Oly. Let's go clean this thing. The faster we get it done, the faster the witch will reward us.” Yume said as she grabbed the bathing materials and started pouring the soapy substances into the water.
“Well, let's get started.”
With all their might, they started treating the creature with food and their cleaning. It was a tedious job, since this creature had no mouth to talk, nor does it have eyes to see, so it was very hard to tell when it was satisfied. Hence the trio continued to work hard day and night. Eventually the creature was clean, but its breath was still smelly.
“Maybe it didn't brush its teeth?” Oly suggested as she pry open the mouth of the creature, seeing millions of rotten teeth inside.
“Uhh, guys… I think our job isn't over yet…”
With new cleaning materials Marbles went to receive from the front desk, they started treating the creature again. But it was harder than ever, because the creature can't stop chewing since it wants more food. They had to change toothbrush over toothbrush to be able to clean the creature's teeth after countless hours, where they all collapsed as they gasped at the creature's true identity.
It was a beautiful celestial, her beauty was as grand as the Sun looking down upon them, her face was as sweet as the newly blossomed flower bud. When she spoke, her voice was as melodious as a morning bird.
“Thank you, the three of you. I transformed into that leech to test anyone in this bathhouse for accepting people not for who they are, but for helping them. Since you three are the only ones in this bathhouse who serviced me, I shall reward you three with a wish. What would it be?”
Without hesitation, Marbles piped up and exclaimed, “We would want to know our names please!”
“Very well. Your wish is granted.”
Abruptly, the trio reawoke back at the old amusement park, entirely dumbfounded.
“What happened?”
“I don't know, I think we might have fallen asleep here… Oh no! I think the party is starting!”
“Didn't I tell you guys we were late? Come let's go!”
With that, they left the spirited world away, they didn't look back at where they came from.
664 words
1195 words in total
Last edited by theawesomemarbler (Nov. 16, 2024 23:10:11)
- -thoughtsoffish-
-
Scratcher
5 posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
hey y'all! so im late to swc but trust I will be writing
also my english teacher is annoying so i kind of have to write 3 papers also
but im gonna fr lock in trust
Dailies
also my english teacher is annoying so i kind of have to write 3 papers also
but im gonna fr lock in trust
Dailies
11.1Weeklies
11.2
11.3
11.4
11.5
11.6
11.7
11.8
11.9
11.10
11.11
11.12
11.13
11.14
11.15
11.16
11.17
11.18
11.19
11.20
11.21
11.22
11.23
11.24
11.25
11.26
11.27
11.28
11.29
11.30
Weekly #1 - DialogueCritiques
Weekly #2 - Cabin Creation
Weekly #3 - Journalism
fillerWord Wars
fillerCabin Wars
fillerFree Writing
Melchior and Janshai
Last edited by -thoughtsoffish- (Nov. 23, 2024 16:40:52)
- Milkysplash
-
Scratcher
1000+ posts
swc megathread ⌕ nov 2024
Critique for Silvi! - 457 words
First, I really like the story - it's quite intresting and I do think it's an interesting concept. On the other hand, some parts of the story do come across as fairly ambiguous and could do with some clearing up. However, you did mention that this is the start of a story, so the intrigue is probably enough to keep a reader hooked, there are just a few minor things that need to be cleared up that I personally find confusing, but that's just my personal opinion!
This is an amazing opening in my opinion - it gets the reader hooked and asking why. Why is Livvy feeling sad? Why is she crying?
These sentences read like Livvy's in despair and so upset, and I like the use of full stops and one-sentence paragraphs. It's really effective at conveying emotion!
This flashback scene is also great - it starts explaining why Livvy is feeling the way she is, but again, it's ambiguous enough to keep the reader hooked.
One thing I do find confusing - personally - is why is Livvy thinking she's not good enough? Is it because she can't fit in? To me, the words “I'm not good enough” don't have any clear meaning here - perhaps Livvy could be repeating “Why am I like this?” or perhaps “I'm such a weirdo” or “I don't fit in” instead. They would all make this section a little less ambiguous to read and clear things up in my opinion.
Love this description of her knucles!
In this section, the dialouge feels a little clunky, but it does get the point across. What I would advise you could do is add further description to the dialouge to make it a little less clunky. For example, in the bit where Livvy's mother is calling her down for dinner, there's nothing mentioned about her mother heading up the stairs - it would feel less abrupt if you described Livvy hearing her mother's footsteps up the stairs, or Livvy being so caught up in her thoughts she didn't realise her mother had come up the stairs to get her.
Here, something a little pedantic, aha, but I would suggest that you clear up who is speaking - while it is implied that its Livvy's mother is speaking first, then its Livvy, it would add so much more clarity if you could say who's speaking.
I love this description of Livvy, but it does feel a little clunky. Why is she staring in the mirror? Did she just notice her reflection and stopped to stare, or did she go into the bathroom to cry and then found herself looking at the mirror?
Overall, this seems like a great piece, and I can't wait to see where you take this next!
First, I really like the story - it's quite intresting and I do think it's an interesting concept. On the other hand, some parts of the story do come across as fairly ambiguous and could do with some clearing up. However, you did mention that this is the start of a story, so the intrigue is probably enough to keep a reader hooked, there are just a few minor things that need to be cleared up that I personally find confusing, but that's just my personal opinion!
Livvy Tenson buried her flushed face in her hands.
I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough.
Tears splashed onto her already sodden clothes. She bit her lip, blood blossoming and trickling down her chin a steady stream of crimson.
Words echoed around inside her head, all muddling up together.
Weirdo. Stupid. Strange. Idiot.
This is an amazing opening in my opinion - it gets the reader hooked and asking why. Why is Livvy feeling sad? Why is she crying?
She had just experienced her first day of school in England.
And it was the worst day of her life.
These sentences read like Livvy's in despair and so upset, and I like the use of full stops and one-sentence paragraphs. It's really effective at conveying emotion!
She closed her eyes, and immediately saw the cruel faces of the children laughing at her.
“What did she just say?”
“She’s so weird!”
“Come on, I don’t have time for idiots!”
The girls all smirked and flicked their hair.
“Let’s go.” One of them said, their voice laced with malice.
They strutted away giggling and laughing, throwing the occasional glance over their shoulders at Livvy, huddled by herself.
I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough.
This flashback scene is also great - it starts explaining why Livvy is feeling the way she is, but again, it's ambiguous enough to keep the reader hooked.
One thing I do find confusing - personally - is why is Livvy thinking she's not good enough? Is it because she can't fit in? To me, the words “I'm not good enough” don't have any clear meaning here - perhaps Livvy could be repeating “Why am I like this?” or perhaps “I'm such a weirdo” or “I don't fit in” instead. They would all make this section a little less ambiguous to read and clear things up in my opinion.
Livvy snapped her eyes open, her breathing fast and shallow. Why couldn’t she just be normal? She brushed away the tears and pulled her duvet close, gripping it tightly, her knuckles a pearly white.
Love this description of her knucles!
“Livvy! Livvy!” Her mother’s voice drifted up the stairs, startling her out of her thoughts.
There was a sharp knock at the door, and her mother’s gentle face poked out.
“Hi! Dinner’s ready! Your favourite!” She exclaimed.
She nodded mutely. “Ok, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Mother’s face dropped. “All right, darling.”
In this section, the dialouge feels a little clunky, but it does get the point across. What I would advise you could do is add further description to the dialouge to make it a little less clunky. For example, in the bit where Livvy's mother is calling her down for dinner, there's nothing mentioned about her mother heading up the stairs - it would feel less abrupt if you described Livvy hearing her mother's footsteps up the stairs, or Livvy being so caught up in her thoughts she didn't realise her mother had come up the stairs to get her.
“Hi! Dinner’s ready! Your favourite!” She exclaimed.
She nodded mutely. “Ok, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Here, something a little pedantic, aha, but I would suggest that you clear up who is speaking - while it is implied that its Livvy's mother is speaking first, then its Livvy, it would add so much more clarity if you could say who's speaking.
Livvy waited until she heard Mother’s footsteps echo away before she got up. She gazed at herself in the mirror. Her hair was rumpled and tangled, her skin pale and dull and her eyes seemed to be drained of all colour there ever was.
I love this description of Livvy, but it does feel a little clunky. Why is she staring in the mirror? Did she just notice her reflection and stopped to stare, or did she go into the bathroom to cry and then found herself looking at the mirror?
Overall, this seems like a great piece, and I can't wait to see where you take this next!