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The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

Prisoner On The Island
By: @The-Book-Worm (being added to every day so check in daily)

Quick note: Sorry I've been jumping around stories. I've set a goal for myself to write +32 more words starting at 100. This will be the story I write on and every day I'll add a new entry. Check in at the end of the day to see if I've added it *though time zone differences may affect if I've posted it yet. So far I've been doing this for 3 days so without further ado, here is Prisoner On The Island! (Not typical survival story. There is a great plot twist so keep reading till the 22nd of June to have it revealed!)

Entry 1
Date: 12/1/60
Location: Deserted Island

Of course, the only thing they leave on this God-forsaken island is a journal. What do they expect us to write about? Do they want us to reflect on our crimes? Well, sorry but I’m in no mood to apologize for my crime. I did what I had to. Any of you in my position would have.
I suppose I need to find food. Is there even food here? I see one tree. What do they expect me to do with that? What about a shelter? I thought I was going to jail, not to my death sentence.

The first step in the process of reflecting and accepting what they did was morally wrong is to write in their journal. This way, we can keep close track of their thoughts as they begin to heal.

Entry 2
Date:12/2/60
Location: Deserted Island

Is it only day two? I feel as though I’ve been here longer. I’ll I have to do to occupy myself is think. I’ve already explored the island. I found useful things that had washed up on the shore. A knife, some string, a pot, a piece of metal that I found sparks when hit on other rocks. Little things that will make living here easier. I’ve collected driftwood for an attempt to start a fire. Last night was pretty cold, and I’ve heard fire will keep the insects off though I haven’t seen any. I hung the wood on the tree using the string to (hopefully) make it dry faster. I was wrong about there being only one tree on the island, so I can use the leaves for fuel too. All in all, I think this might not be the death sentence I first imagined it to be… if I have any luck fishing.

We try not to make life miserable at first. Otherwise how else would we make it worse? We need to get her to acknowledge her crimes. The best way for a murder is to be haunted by her victim.

Entry 3
Date: 12/10/60
Location: Deserted Island

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a few days. Why I’m I sorry? Who’s going to read this journal beside me? I only write in it to pass the time. Who cares if I was to busy the last four or five days to write? I had often wondered how our jail system worked. Offenders of the law would go in the court and come out weeks later saying they had been in there for years. I don’t recall anyone mentioning being moved to a deserted island. My crimes weren’t that bad. As I said, I was to busy to write. I set up a waterproof shelter… or what I thought was waterproof until it rained. I was thoroughly soaked in only a few minutes. The only plus is now I have drinking water. This journal stayed dry as I buried it deep in the sand underneath my makeshift fort. I forgot about it for a day or two. I guess it isn’t important that I keep writing, but maybe it will help me keep my sanity. I hear people can go crazy after being alone for a while, and who knows how long I’ll be here.

So now we have her plagued by guilt every day. We put the woman she killed in her line of vision as often as possible. Ah the classic, I don’t remember this being part of jail. Yes well, every sim- I mean cell is different. Keep writing, it’s the only way you’ll ever be free.


Entry 4
Date: 12/20/60
Location: Deserted Island

I think I’m going crazy. I keep seeing her. She’s there in the reflection of the water. She’s hiding in up in a tree, just out of view. She steals my food. Why does she haunt me? Can’t she just leave me alone? I’ve paid for my crimes. I’m stuck on this island for eternity. Isn’t that enough? I still don’t regret drowning her. She tormented me, abused me, and filled out forms to sell me to the highest bidder, even if it was for evil purposes. She had it coming, yet everyone thought I was in the wrong. I know killing someone under normal circumstances was morally inexcusable especially after she had cared for me for years. I use the term cared loosely. I think she tried to get rid of me a few times. I would stay in the bathroom, retching for hours after eating some of her foods. I dumped out several glasses of milk when they had the smell of bitter almonds. By seventeen, I was convinced I was lucky to be alive. Now at twenty-one, after being tested for a mental illness that I did not have, I was sentenced to live out the rest of my days on this deserted island because of her.

The next step is for the prisoner to admit to their crimes. She denies what she did was wrong, comes up with excuses to justify her actions. It is true that the subject did not have a mental illness, but that does not mean she is incapable of being paranoid.

Entry 5
Date: 1/30/61
Location: When has it changed?

She’s still here. I know that sounds insane, but she hasn’t left. I’ve tried to get rid of her. Every time I look in the water, I see her, the crazed, wild-hair woman. I’m afraid she’ll attack me. I’ve always been a bit superstitious. I believe that her ghost has decided to haunt me. The island is shrinking I think. Obviously, it grows and shrinks with the tide, but my shelter, which was once far away from the water, is almost touching it at the highest tide. I’m concerned what this means for me. I’m not a strong swimmer though I did manage to drown my caretaker. I have nowhere else to go if the island becomes submerged. I didn’t write in a while because I’ve been too worried about this problem. I moved my shelter to higher ground. I’m not sure what I’ll do if the island sinks though…

The place of the prison getting smaller is part of the step for her to feel miserable, so miserable that she will want to drown. Then she will feel how her caretaker felt. Of course, the prisoners can’t die in virtual reality, but I have a feeling the sensation will be just as unpleasant if not more.


Entry 6
Date: ?
Location: Shrinking

I can’t keep track of time, I can’t write, and I barely have time to breathe because I have to keep moving my things upwards. I’ve lifted most of my things to the branches of the tallest tree on the center of the island. I never had climbed a tree in my life, but now, with my life at risk, I figure it was time to start learning. I have cuts and bruises from sliding down the trunk, the rough edges piercing my skin. The water is so high that any blood I drop ends up in it. I hope that doesn’t attract sharks. I took my valuable possessions first to the top. Each trip harder than the last. This book was not part of the trips. I throw it in the water, but of course, it’s waterproof! I guess I could stop writing but every time I go without writing I get this thought in my head that I need to write. At one point, I was making a raft, and suddenly the repeating thought in my head crept up on me again: Why do this? Why keep trying to live? Why not end it? I tried to push those thoughts out of my head. I won’t give them what they want. This island will not be my death sentence.

The sensors placed on her head have a dual purpose. We use them for implanting thoughts into the prisoner’s head. In this case, we need her to experience the pain, the loss of life to have her reach a full understanding of her actions. To fully apologize, you need to know fully what you did. Studies have shown that it dramatically decreases the likelihood that the crime will be repeated. If the prisoner has received a life sentence, we make sure a full understanding of their crime is reached every day. Time passes faster in the simulator than in life. If you receive a 35-year sentence, you will be out in a year. This helps with longer sentences, as they sever their time without losing too many years of their life. It also has a flip side. Those who sever life sentences will live 35 times longer. It’s impossible to imagine a prison that has bars. Every prisoner is wearing VR goggles, a VR suit, VR gloves, and boots. The room they are held in is sound-proof as we don’t want them to hear each other when some go crazy talking to themselves or when they die in their simulator.

Entry 7
Date: ?
Location: The top of a tree that is almost underwater

I can’t take it anymore. The little voice in my head is right. Why do this anymore? I’m done. This island is going to be the death of me. Well, I did outlive the island which was fully submerged under water three days ago. And in the three days, I sat on my perch on the tree and thought about life. There are still things I had wished to do. I never said goodbye, never forgave, and most importantly, never apologized. I wish I had more time, yet I wish it was over. The world is too complicated for me. After growing up paranoid about my caretaker killing me, I couldn’t trust people. I couldn’t connect, couldn’t hold a normal conversation with someone else. My caretaker ruined my life, and so I took hers. Back then it seemed so black and white, a life for a life. I don’t exactly regret what I’ve done. I mean I did what I had to do, but perhaps I wonder if it could have ended differently if it could have ended with something other than both of our deaths. I write in this journal because I feel the need, the thought to do so. I don’t know why, but I hope someday, a child will wander upon it as it drifts in with the tide and realize I do wish it had gone differently, I did wish this wasn’t the end. Goodbye life, my world, my palm tree. I am done.

Done? Done? Do you think you’re done? You’ve only just entered the final stage. If you had a different guard, they might have taken your words as words of apology. But you said it yourself, you regret nothing. I will make sure you change those words. I will make sure you plead the ghost of your victim for forgiveness. Cruel? You think me cruel? No, I am just another like you who learned about saying sorry the hard way, about fully understanding your crimes. Crime rate may be going down, but everyone you know, I know has been through something or another like this. This isn’t just a simulation for the wrong-doers. This isn’t just a modern prison. This was built not for the few who make mistakes, but for all, so humans may one day be more caring and more empathetic to each other. That world wars will be eliminated because we’ve all been through one in a simulation, and that world hunger will be gone because we all have starved and want to prevent it from happening.


Last edited by The-Book-Worm (June 8, 2019 01:56:38)


Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
Riddle_Man
Scratcher
1000+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Prisoner On The Island
By: @The-Book-Worm (being added to every day so check in daily)

Quick note: Sorry I've been jumping around stories. I've set a goal for myself to write +32 more words starting at 100. This will be the story I write on and every day I'll add a new entry. Check in at the end of the day to see if I've added it *though time zone differences may affect if I've posted it yet. So far I've been doing this for 3 days so without further ado, here is Prisoner On The Island! (Not typical survival story. There is a great plot twist so keep reading till the 22nd of June to have it revealed!)

Entry 1
Date: 12/34/60
Location: Deserted Island

Of course, the only thing they leave on this God-forsaken island is a journal. What do they expect us to write about? Do they want us to reflect on our crimes? Well, sorry but I’m in no mood to apologize for my crime. did what I had to. Any of you in my position would have.
I suppose I need to find food. Is there even food here? I see one tree. What do they expect me to do with that? What about a shelter? I thought I was going to jail, not to my death sentence.

Entry 2
Date:12/35/60
Location: Deserted Island

Is it only day two? I feel as though I’ve been here longer. I’ll I have to do to occupy myself is think. I’ve already explored the island. I found useful things that had washed up on the shore. A knife, some string, a pot, a piece of metal that I found sparks when hit on other rocks. Little things that will make living here easier. I’ve collected driftwood for an attempt to start a fire. Last night was pretty cold, and I’ve heard fire will keep the insects off though I haven’t seen any. I hung the wood on the tree using the string to (hopefully) make it dry faster. I was wrong about there being only one tree on the island, so I can use the leaves for fuel too. All in all, I think this might not be the death sentence I first imagined it to be… if I have any luck fishing.

Entry 3
Date: 12/40/60
Location: Deserted Island

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a few days.Why I’m I sorry? Who’s going to read this journal beside me? I only write in it to pass the time. Who cares if I was to busy the last four or five days to write? I had often wondered how our jail system worked. Offenders of the law would go in the court and come out weeks later saying they had been in there for years. I don’t recall anyone mentioning being moved to a deserted island. My crimes were that bad. As I said, I was to busy to write. I set up a waterproof shelter… or what I thought was waterproof until it rained. I was thoroughly soaked in only a few minutes. The only plus is now I have drinking water. This journal thankful stayed dry as I buried it deep in the sand underneath my makeshift fort. I forgot about it for a day or two. I guess it isn’t important that I keep writing, but maybe it will help me keep my sanity. I hear people can go crazy after being alone for a while, and who knows how long I’ll be here.

I marked some of the text that was either a spelling mistake, a sentence that's just a bit too cliche, or something that I couldn't figure out what it meant.

The great thing about writing about an island is that well, it's an island. It's a place. It's an empty place- until you find something. That's YOU on the island. YOU've just been at court, and YOU have been left here. YOU have to discover what's on that island. What's special about it. And an island can be anything, so it's perfect material for a story- it's like clay, it can be molded into anything.

And maybe that's why there are so many stories about it. Robinson Crusoe. Swiss Family Robinson. So the only problem with islands is that you have to have a really, really, good plot. A really unique, awesome plot. Danger. Drama. Intensity. That's the only way you're going to draw your reader to your book. Why read this story about an island instead of Lord of the Flies, which is well-known and well, since it's so popular, maybe better?

That's why in the first paragraph, the first sentence, you have to hook your readers.

I'm not saying your story is bad- it has a lot of potential. But in the first paragraph, it seems like any old island-themed book, with small differences.

Of course this isn't any old island book, as we'd find later. However, in the first sentence, you have to hook your readers, really good.

You have to be able to sense that action is coming- the first sentence of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief:

❝Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.❞

I had already read the summary on the back cover and seeing that it was about mythical gods we'd all read about (and I'd found boring), I wasn't enthused with receiving The Lightning Thief. It looked boring.

But for some reason I actually read the first sentence. Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. Ok. I was hooked. By that very first sentence. I wanted to know what it meant. I wanted to know what a half-blood was. I sensed the action and danger coming, from that first sentence.

And that's one of the hardest parts of writing. It's up to us to decide how our story began. To decide why we're writing this book.


by @athenenocturna
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

Riddle_Man wrote:

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Prisoner On The Island
By: @The-Book-Worm (being added to every day so check in daily)

Quick note: Sorry I've been jumping around stories. I've set a goal for myself to write +32 more words starting at 100. This will be the story I write on and every day I'll add a new entry. Check in at the end of the day to see if I've added it *though time zone differences may affect if I've posted it yet. So far I've been doing this for 3 days so without further ado, here is Prisoner On The Island! (Not typical survival story. There is a great plot twist so keep reading till the 22nd of June to have it revealed!)

Entry 1
Date: 12/34/60
Location: Deserted Island

Of course, the only thing they leave on this God-forsaken island is a journal. What do they expect us to write about? Do they want us to reflect on our crimes? Well, sorry but I’m in no mood to apologize for my crime. did what I had to. Any of you in my position would have.
I suppose I need to find food. Is there even food here? I see one tree. What do they expect me to do with that? What about a shelter? I thought I was going to jail, not to my death sentence.

Entry 2
Date:12/35/60
Location: Deserted Island

Is it only day two? I feel as though I’ve been here longer. I’ll I have to do to occupy myself is think. I’ve already explored the island. I found useful things that had washed up on the shore. A knife, some string, a pot, a piece of metal that I found sparks when hit on other rocks. Little things that will make living here easier. I’ve collected driftwood for an attempt to start a fire. Last night was pretty cold, and I’ve heard fire will keep the insects off though I haven’t seen any. I hung the wood on the tree using the string to (hopefully) make it dry faster. I was wrong about there being only one tree on the island, so I can use the leaves for fuel too. All in all, I think this might not be the death sentence I first imagined it to be… if I have any luck fishing.

Entry 3
Date: 12/40/60
Location: Deserted Island

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a few days.Why I’m I sorry? Who’s going to read this journal beside me? I only write in it to pass the time. Who cares if I was to busy the last four or five days to write? I had often wondered how our jail system worked. Offenders of the law would go in the court and come out weeks later saying they had been in there for years. I don’t recall anyone mentioning being moved to a deserted island. My crimes were that bad. As I said, I was to busy to write. I set up a waterproof shelter… or what I thought was waterproof until it rained. I was thoroughly soaked in only a few minutes. The only plus is now I have drinking water. This journal thankful stayed dry as I buried it deep in the sand underneath my makeshift fort. I forgot about it for a day or two. I guess it isn’t important that I keep writing, but maybe it will help me keep my sanity. I hear people can go crazy after being alone for a while, and who knows how long I’ll be here.

I marked some of the text that was either a spelling mistake, a sentence that's just a bit too cliche, or something that I couldn't figure out what it meant.

The great thing about writing about an island is that well, it's an island. It's a place. It's an empty place- until you find something. That's YOU on the island. YOU've just been at court, and YOU have been left here. YOU have to discover what's on that island. What's special about it. And an island can be anything, so it's perfect material for a story- it's like clay, it can be molded into anything.

And maybe that's why there are so many stories about it. Robinson Crusoe. Swiss Family Robinson. So the only problem with islands is that you have to have a really, really, good plot. A really unique, awesome plot. Danger. Drama. Intensity. That's the only way you're going to draw your reader to your book. Why read this story about an island instead of Lord of the Flies, which is well-known and well, since it's so popular, maybe better?

That's why in the first paragraph, the first sentence, you have to hook your readers.

I'm not saying your story is bad- it has a lot of potential. But in the first paragraph, it seems like any old island-themed book, with small differences.

Of course this isn't any old island book, as we'd find later. However, in the first sentence, you have to hook your readers, really good.

You have to be able to sense that action is coming- the first sentence of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief:

❝Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.❞

I had already read the summary on the back cover and seeing that it was about mythical gods we'd all read about (and I'd found boring), I wasn't enthused with receiving The Lightning Thief. It looked boring.

But for some reason I actually read the first sentence. Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. Ok. I was hooked. By that very first sentence. I wanted to know what it meant. I wanted to know what a half-blood was. I sensed the action and danger coming, from that first sentence.

And that's one of the hardest parts of writing. It's up to us to decide how our story began. To decide why we're writing this book.
Wow that's really good advice. How should I start it? Here's the story base I created before I started working on it. It’s been 1,875 days, and I’m still all alone. In this empty island, I live out my time in prison. Perhaps they have forgotten about me, forgotten to visit, or it’s possible that my sentence was more than 5 years. My crime? It was ____. And my sentence? I wasn’t allowed to hear what the court had decided for me.
In this modern day world, prisoners are sentenced to spend their time in jail in a virtual prison created by VR goggles and VR suits. Time in inside VR passed quickly, allowing prisoners not to age drastically as they serve 1-75 years in prison. Prisoners who serve 75 years in prison can return to their normal life within 2 years, and people who serve life sentences can live x35 years longer, allowing for more suffering.
*
Oof one of the exits are meant to say my crime wasn't that bad.

Last edited by The-Book-Worm (May 30, 2019 22:58:36)


Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
Riddle_Man
Scratcher
1000+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Riddle_Man wrote:

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Prisoner On The Island
By: @The-Book-Worm (being added to every day so check in daily)

Quick note: Sorry I've been jumping around stories. I've set a goal for myself to write +32 more words starting at 100. This will be the story I write on and every day I'll add a new entry. Check in at the end of the day to see if I've added it *though time zone differences may affect if I've posted it yet. So far I've been doing this for 3 days so without further ado, here is Prisoner On The Island! (Not typical survival story. There is a great plot twist so keep reading till the 22nd of June to have it revealed!)

Entry 1
Date: 12/34/60
Location: Deserted Island

Of course, the only thing they leave on this God-forsaken island is a journal. What do they expect us to write about? Do they want us to reflect on our crimes? Well, sorry but I’m in no mood to apologize for my crime. did what I had to. Any of you in my position would have.
I suppose I need to find food. Is there even food here? I see one tree. What do they expect me to do with that? What about a shelter? I thought I was going to jail, not to my death sentence.

Entry 2
Date:12/35/60
Location: Deserted Island

Is it only day two? I feel as though I’ve been here longer. I’ll I have to do to occupy myself is think. I’ve already explored the island. I found useful things that had washed up on the shore. A knife, some string, a pot, a piece of metal that I found sparks when hit on other rocks. Little things that will make living here easier. I’ve collected driftwood for an attempt to start a fire. Last night was pretty cold, and I’ve heard fire will keep the insects off though I haven’t seen any. I hung the wood on the tree using the string to (hopefully) make it dry faster. I was wrong about there being only one tree on the island, so I can use the leaves for fuel too. All in all, I think this might not be the death sentence I first imagined it to be… if I have any luck fishing.

Entry 3
Date: 12/40/60
Location: Deserted Island

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a few days.Why I’m I sorry? Who’s going to read this journal beside me? I only write in it to pass the time. Who cares if I was to busy the last four or five days to write? I had often wondered how our jail system worked. Offenders of the law would go in the court and come out weeks later saying they had been in there for years. I don’t recall anyone mentioning being moved to a deserted island. My crimes were that bad. As I said, I was to busy to write. I set up a waterproof shelter… or what I thought was waterproof until it rained. I was thoroughly soaked in only a few minutes. The only plus is now I have drinking water. This journal thankful stayed dry as I buried it deep in the sand underneath my makeshift fort. I forgot about it for a day or two. I guess it isn’t important that I keep writing, but maybe it will help me keep my sanity. I hear people can go crazy after being alone for a while, and who knows how long I’ll be here.

I marked some of the text that was either a spelling mistake, a sentence that's just a bit too cliche, or something that I couldn't figure out what it meant.

The great thing about writing about an island is that well, it's an island. It's a place. It's an empty place- until you find something. That's YOU on the island. YOU've just been at court, and YOU have been left here. YOU have to discover what's on that island. What's special about it. And an island can be anything, so it's perfect material for a story- it's like clay, it can be molded into anything.

And maybe that's why there are so many stories about it. Robinson Crusoe. Swiss Family Robinson. So the only problem with islands is that you have to have a really, really, good plot. A really unique, awesome plot. Danger. Drama. Intensity. That's the only way you're going to draw your reader to your book. Why read this story about an island instead of Lord of the Flies, which is well-known and well, since it's so popular, maybe better?

That's why in the first paragraph, the first sentence, you have to hook your readers.

I'm not saying your story is bad- it has a lot of potential. But in the first paragraph, it seems like any old island-themed book, with small differences.

Of course this isn't any old island book, as we'd find later. However, in the first sentence, you have to hook your readers, really good.

You have to be able to sense that action is coming- the first sentence of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief:

❝Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.❞

I had already read the summary on the back cover and seeing that it was about mythical gods we'd all read about (and I'd found boring), I wasn't enthused with receiving The Lightning Thief. It looked boring.

But for some reason I actually read the first sentence. Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. Ok. I was hooked. By that very first sentence. I wanted to know what it meant. I wanted to know what a half-blood was. I sensed the action and danger coming, from that first sentence.

And that's one of the hardest parts of writing. It's up to us to decide how our story began. To decide why we're writing this book.
Wow that's really good advice. How should I start it? Here's the story base I created before I started working on it. It’s been 1,875 days, and I’m still all alone. In this empty island, I live out my time in prison. Perhaps they have forgotten about me, forgotten to visit, or it’s possible that my sentence was more than 5 years. My crime? It was ____. And my sentence? I wasn’t allowed to hear what the court had decided for me.
In this modern day world, prisoners are sentenced to spend their time in jail in a virtual prison created by VR goggles and VR suits. Time in inside VR passed quickly, allowing prisoners not to age drastically as they serve 1-75 years in prison. Prisoners who serve 75 years in prison can return to their normal life within 2 years, and people who serve life sentences can live x35 years longer, allowing for more suffering.

oh. Wow. Awesome plot. I never would've thought that from that blurb you posted (no offense, just trying to help lol).

Well, first you have to give yourself a problem. Action. Obstacles.

Then, you have to give yourself a bad trait, and a good trait, or many bad traits.

Then, you create. You just write. You just type whatever comes out.

Here are some ideas.

-Start in the middle of the story. Right now, time has paused and you're thinking about what's going on. Then rewind back to the beginning and keep writing until you get to where you started the story- the middle. When you get to the middle of your story, say something like “So there I was.-a summary of what you said in the beginning- That way, you already have a plot in mind, and you've written the hard part- easily.

-Start at the end. Something like ”But just remember, in the end, everything was fine- until the beginning started.“ Then rewind to the beginning- and there you've got it.

-Start with the action. Like ”I was swimming through the cold water. I didn't know why I was here. What was happening. I didn't really understand anything, and I didn't really have time to think about it.

Right behind me was a big fish. A huge, grey fish, the size of two refridgerators, with huge teeth. A shark. And it was after me.“ And that's where your story begins- right there, a shark is chasing you. But the plot doesn't come out till, well, when the plot comes out. This is just the beginning, and attracts the readers easily- obviously, this story is going to be full of action- atm a shark is chasing you. ”Bait“ your readers with a ”shark". that was a cheesy joke

Last edited by Riddle_Man (May 30, 2019 23:12:48)



by @athenenocturna
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

Riddle_Man wrote:

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Riddle_Man wrote:

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Prisoner On The Island
By: @The-Book-Worm (being added to every day so check in daily)

Quick note: Sorry I've been jumping around stories. I've set a goal for myself to write +32 more words starting at 100. This will be the story I write on and every day I'll add a new entry. Check in at the end of the day to see if I've added it *though time zone differences may affect if I've posted it yet. So far I've been doing this for 3 days so without further ado, here is Prisoner On The Island! (Not typical survival story. There is a great plot twist so keep reading till the 22nd of June to have it revealed!)

Entry 1
Date: 12/34/60
Location: Deserted Island

Of course, the only thing they leave on this God-forsaken island is a journal. What do they expect us to write about? Do they want us to reflect on our crimes? Well, sorry but I’m in no mood to apologize for my crime. did what I had to. Any of you in my position would have.
I suppose I need to find food. Is there even food here? I see one tree. What do they expect me to do with that? What about a shelter? I thought I was going to jail, not to my death sentence.

Entry 2
Date:12/35/60
Location: Deserted Island

Is it only day two? I feel as though I’ve been here longer. I’ll I have to do to occupy myself is think. I’ve already explored the island. I found useful things that had washed up on the shore. A knife, some string, a pot, a piece of metal that I found sparks when hit on other rocks. Little things that will make living here easier. I’ve collected driftwood for an attempt to start a fire. Last night was pretty cold, and I’ve heard fire will keep the insects off though I haven’t seen any. I hung the wood on the tree using the string to (hopefully) make it dry faster. I was wrong about there being only one tree on the island, so I can use the leaves for fuel too. All in all, I think this might not be the death sentence I first imagined it to be… if I have any luck fishing.

Entry 3
Date: 12/40/60
Location: Deserted Island

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a few days.Why I’m I sorry? Who’s going to read this journal beside me? I only write in it to pass the time. Who cares if I was to busy the last four or five days to write? I had often wondered how our jail system worked. Offenders of the law would go in the court and come out weeks later saying they had been in there for years. I don’t recall anyone mentioning being moved to a deserted island. My crimes were that bad. As I said, I was to busy to write. I set up a waterproof shelter… or what I thought was waterproof until it rained. I was thoroughly soaked in only a few minutes. The only plus is now I have drinking water. This journal thankful stayed dry as I buried it deep in the sand underneath my makeshift fort. I forgot about it for a day or two. I guess it isn’t important that I keep writing, but maybe it will help me keep my sanity. I hear people can go crazy after being alone for a while, and who knows how long I’ll be here.

I marked some of the text that was either a spelling mistake, a sentence that's just a bit too cliche, or something that I couldn't figure out what it meant.

The great thing about writing about an island is that well, it's an island. It's a place. It's an empty place- until you find something. That's YOU on the island. YOU've just been at court, and YOU have been left here. YOU have to discover what's on that island. What's special about it. And an island can be anything, so it's perfect material for a story- it's like clay, it can be molded into anything.

And maybe that's why there are so many stories about it. Robinson Crusoe. Swiss Family Robinson. So the only problem with islands is that you have to have a really, really, good plot. A really unique, awesome plot. Danger. Drama. Intensity. That's the only way you're going to draw your reader to your book. Why read this story about an island instead of Lord of the Flies, which is well-known and well, since it's so popular, maybe better?

That's why in the first paragraph, the first sentence, you have to hook your readers.

I'm not saying your story is bad- it has a lot of potential. But in the first paragraph, it seems like any old island-themed book, with small differences.

Of course this isn't any old island book, as we'd find later. However, in the first sentence, you have to hook your readers, really good.

You have to be able to sense that action is coming- the first sentence of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief:

❝Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.❞

I had already read the summary on the back cover and seeing that it was about mythical gods we'd all read about (and I'd found boring), I wasn't enthused with receiving The Lightning Thief. It looked boring.

But for some reason I actually read the first sentence. Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. Ok. I was hooked. By that very first sentence. I wanted to know what it meant. I wanted to know what a half-blood was. I sensed the action and danger coming, from that first sentence.

And that's one of the hardest parts of writing. It's up to us to decide how our story began. To decide why we're writing this book.
Wow that's really good advice. How should I start it? Here's the story base I created before I started working on it. It’s been 1,875 days, and I’m still all alone. In this empty island, I live out my time in prison. Perhaps they have forgotten about me, forgotten to visit, or it’s possible that my sentence was more than 5 years. My crime? It was ____. And my sentence? I wasn’t allowed to hear what the court had decided for me.
In this modern day world, prisoners are sentenced to spend their time in jail in a virtual prison created by VR goggles and VR suits. Time in inside VR passed quickly, allowing prisoners not to age drastically as they serve 1-75 years in prison. Prisoners who serve 75 years in prison can return to their normal life within 2 years, and people who serve life sentences can live x35 years longer, allowing for more suffering.

oh. Wow. Awesome plot. I never would've thought that from that blurb you posted (no offense, just trying to help lol).

Well, first you have to give yourself a problem. Action. Obstacles.

Then, you have to give yourself a bad trait, and a good trait, or many bad traits.

Then, you create. You just write. You just type whatever comes out.

Here are some ideas.

-Start in the middle of the story. Right now, time has paused and you're thinking about what's going on. Then rewind back to the beginning and keep writing until you get to where you started the story- the middle. When you get to the middle of your story, say something like “So there I was.-a summary of what you said in the beginning- That way, you already have a plot in mind, and you've written the hard part- easily.

-Start at the end. Something like ”But just remember, in the end, everything was fine- until the beginning started.“ Then rewind to the beginning- and there you've got it.

-Start with the action. Like ”I was swimming through the cold water. I didn't know why I was here. What was happening. I didn't really understand anything, and I didn't really have time to think about it.

Right behind me was a big fish. A huge, grey fish, the size of two refridgerators, with huge teeth. A shark. And it was after me.“ And that's where your story begins- right there, a shark is chasing you. But the plot doesn't come out till, well, when the plot comes out. This is just the beginning, and attracts the readers easily- obviously, this story is going to be full of action- atm a shark is chasing you. ”Bait“ your readers with a ”shark". that was a cheesy joke
Okay thanks. I might start at the end of her sentence when she comes out thinking it's been five years and the date reads only one month from when she was put in prison.

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

Daily Entry 4 Added

Last edited by The-Book-Worm (May 31, 2019 19:49:55)


Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

Daily Entry 5 Added —– New Update: Speaker in Italics

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
ResExsention
New to Scratch
1000+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Daily Entry 5 Added —– New Update: Speaker in Italics

Making the speaker in italics kind of violates a few grammar rules.

But interesting story overall!

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:6

Hi, I'm ResExsention, that New Scratcher who refuses to promote themself! I really do look forward to getting to know you!

If you see "[DATA EXPUNGED]", you'll know it was deleted by me. It's a lot easier.
DGXDCoder
Scratcher
4 posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

This is cool, keep it up, I would love to see how the story ends.

Last edited by DGXDCoder (June 2, 2019 08:42:51)

Riddle_Man
Scratcher
1000+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

The-Book-Worm wrote:

Daily Entry 5 Added —– New Update: Speaker in Italics
It is definetly more interesting! Keep working on it But don't forget, there should be some thrilling adventure, maybe she's running out of time, or maybe you know something lol


by @athenenocturna
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Prisoner On The Island - Story

Daily Entries 6 and 7 Added

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:

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