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The-Book-Worm
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100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

Flooded
Original story by @The-Book-Worm (incomplete)
NOT A FANTASY STORY! NO MERMAIDS I SWEAR! THIS IS FICTION BUT NOT FANTASY!


The rain fell… and fell… and fell. But that was nothing new. The rain always fell. It swelled in the streets and filled the ground with murky tears only to be evaporated by the scorching heat in the air. The sun was forever hidden by the ever-present clouds, yet the temperature had never dipped below 40° C.

My mom sighed, “We’re going to have to move to higher ground soon Cal. The waters rise faster every day it seems.”

I frowned, “I think we’ll be fine for a month or two.”

She shook her head, “No. Better to sell this plot for a profit and find higher ground before the value of this land decreases.”

I nodded. I had to go with whatever she decided. It wouldn’t bode well with me to stay behind and drown.

“I think we should fly to the Tallest. We could live in safety till we die.”

I kicked myself. Of course, she would want to escape the problems of living in the Lowlands.

“What if we brought a boat and lived off the ocean?” I regretted the words as soon as they flowed out of my mouth.

My mom’s face had gone from pleasant to filled with furry. I hurried to cover my mistake. It was never wise to mention anything that might relate to Dewy and Waze.

“Didn’t you say moving to the base of the Tallest would cost more money than we own?” I asked.

She smoothed down her long black hair, permanently frizzy from the humid air, “Well, with the money I’ve saved, I can pay for one person to go.”

I froze. No, she couldn’t mean…

She laughed, “But I’d never leave you, sweetheart. You’re all I have left.”

The unspoken words lay between us all I have left of Waze. I managed to smile before running out the door. Sometimes being all she had left was emotionally trying.

The streets were filled with people carrying their belongings on their back, the most exhausted ones not even bothering to step around the sloshing puddles. Every one of them was drenched to the bone despite wearing layers of rain jackets and knee-high rubber boot. They were all heading in one direction: higher ground.

I looked at them with a shudder. The endless life of climbing to escape the rising tides was one I would avoid at all costs. I turned away and raced away from the direction they were heading, my feet instinctively evading the countless puddles. Usually, it took almost thirty minutes to reach the water's edge, but I made it in twenty. The water was rising.

I tried to ignore the penniless people strewn across the beach front. I tried not to see the tired bodies resting only a few meters away from the churning water, but it was hard to overlook the mothers, struggling to not to fall asleep for fear their tiny ones would be swept off by the hungry water and lost from them forever, and the children who shivered as the water slipped its way past their coats and into their dream.
The water, the rain, and the rising tides made life here on Earth hell for most. Even those who escaped to the Tallest still were relentlessly pursued by the falling hail. The people of Earth hated the water that gave them life, the monster that flooded their landings and stole their children… yet I could see beauty.

Despite losing my father, Waze and my brother, Dewy to the water a few years ago, the water still called me as it had for them. The water may be violent, and the rain may drum relentlessly on the back of my neck, but I never was left wondering why my father and brother left to go to sea. I only resented them not taking me with them. It was like a bad cliche: my dad leaves, and I wish he had taken him with me. Maybe that’s why I still had a tiny spark of hope that he would come back or I would find him. The logical part of me knew that this was life. People died in the ocean, and my life was not a living cliche. At least they had died out on the water.

“Whatcha thinking about, Cal?” my best friend, Riptide said interrupting my thoughts.

I looked up to see Rip bobbing up and down. He was standing on the raft that made up the makeshift pier. Like most things, no real dock could be built due to the rising tides. He jumped off the raft and strolled up to me.

I ruffled his long green hair, “You know,” I spread my arm, “The water.”

He nodded seriously. My passion for the lethal substance was no secret. Rip had spent years with me, hearing me rage about the beauty of the water, and howl my deep hatred of the water when it consumed Dewy and Waze.

“My mom has enough money to live on the Tallest,” I said.

He struggled to keep his the smile on his face, “That’s great Cal! You can live in safety for the rest of your life. When will you be leaving?”

“She has enough money for one person.” I clarified.

His smile fell completely, “She wouldn’t leave you.”

He’s such a good friend, “I’m praying the thought won’t ever cross her mind.”

“Come on, let’s not think about this,” I said dragging him to the floating pier.

As soon as we stepped on, the raft buckled with our combined weight. I bent my knees to steady myself, a familiar habit born of many trips on the dock.

“Ripper, Calster.” the old dock hand nodding in welcoming.

I smiled at our nicknames, “Good day Wode.”

Riptide winced at my pronunciation, “For the last time! It’s pronounced like voda with stress on the d.”

Wode ruffled his hair, “It’ll do.”

Rip shoved his hand off, “Everyone always does that. Dying my hair green and growing it out isn’t an invitation for you guys to play with it. Go dye your own hair and rub it.”

Wode laughed heartily, “Ripper, you are one of a kind.”

“And stop calling me that! It’s Rip!”

I shrugged at Wode. Ever since Rip had turned thirteen, he had been annoyingly like the stereotypical teen.

“Regular place?” Wode asked.

“Yep, thanks again Wode!” I said taking Rip’s arm and pulling him toward the end of the dock.

We sat at the edge, our backs against each other. Water ran uncomfortably down my spine despite my hood being up.

“I hate your mom,” Rip said, wiping water from his face.

“Ehh, she’s not that bad.” I shifted awkwardly.

“Cal, she threatened to leave you! That’s not cool!”

I looked out over the ocean. It was so pretty yet still so deadly. “Rip, she would never leave me.”

“That’s what you thought about your dad.”

My vision blurred, and more water than normal swam in my eyes. I stood, my hood falling back, “Say that again, Rip. I dare you.”

Rip’s face was remorseful, “Cal, I only meant…”

My face twisted in a snarl, “I don’t need constant reminders Rip.” I shoved him. He stumbled back, dangerously close to the water.

His arms flailed as he teetered at the edge. I rushed to grab one of his arms in an attempt to pull him back to safety, but the wet surface of the dock caused my boots to lose traction, slowly sliding toward the water. Rip’s blue eyes met mine only moments before my feet slipped completely.

Then suddenly I was jerked back by my hood, choking me.

“It’s never a good idea to get to close to the water,” Wode said gruffly before limping away.

I rubbed my neck where my collar had dug into my skin, “That was close.”

Rip nodded in agreement, “Let’s not do that again, Cal.”

I shivered, “I’m sorry.”

Rip shrugged, “A near-death experience now and then is good. It keeps you on your toes.”

I only shook my head. Lying down on my stomach, I peered into the murky depths that had almost claimed our lives.

Rip soon joined me, “You have that look on your face. You’re thinking about the water, how beautiful it is.”

I reluctantly turned my head away from the water. Last time I had that “look on my face” as Rip called it and Rip hadn’t been there to stop me, I had jumped into a small river wearing only my undergarments. Even though the river was small, it has swift currents and my lack of swim lessons for five years quickly was apparent. I was almost swallowed by the water. If not for Wode, I wouldn’t be here.

“Wode saved your life again.” Rip said, thinking the same thing as me.

“Yeah, that’s like the fifth time right?” I asked.

“It’s becoming a bad habit,” he advised.

“Wait, didn’t you say almost dying is good for you?”

He shrugged, and I went back to watching the water churn and twisted with the currents. I moved my face even closer to the rippling liquid.

The water stirred next to us. Big green eyes appeared, followed by a face, head, and neck, “Oh, you must be Riptide and Cal.”

“Ahhh! It’s a mermaid!” I screamed jumping to my feet.

Those around us turned in horror and to get off the floating pier.

Riptide nudged me, “Sirens can’t talk in the legends, only sing. Think before you set the whole place into a panic, Cal.”

“Who said the legends were right?” I countered, not willing to discard my theory so easily.

The mermaid-human spoke, “Wow, I’ve never seen the dock cleared faster.”

Wode lumbered over, “Ello Reka. Try not to scare the locals like that next time. Now I have to convince them that the mermaid is gone.”

Reka giggled, “They are so gullible. They hear the slightest mention of a mermaid and they run to high ground.”

She pulled herself onto the dock to reveal a human body in a swimsuit with two very human legs. She sat between us, leaving her legs in the water. I tried to ignore the seaweed stuck in her hair, and the soaking headband tangled in her immense bundled of curly red hair.

“Wode has told me all about you two! I’m Reka but I’m sure you know that. I mean Wode is such a talkative guy!”

Rip and I exchanged puzzled looks.

“No actually, come to think of it, I don’t recall Wode talking about you,” Rip finally said.

“I don’t remember Wode talking at all,” I muttered.

Last edited by The-Book-Worm (May 2, 2019 21:26:19)


Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
FlowerCat4444
Scratcher
45 posts

Flooded - A Short Story

This is really good! I want to know what happens next

There were some small gramatical issues, but nothing that distracts from the passage too much.

"The unspoken words lay between us all I have left of Waze." Is Waze Cal's dad?

I think this is a unique take on a distopian earth. Usually there isn't enough water.

There's some more stuff I would say, but I've got to eat dinner. I'll come back later and look at this again.
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

FlowerCat4444 wrote:

This is really good! I want to know what happens next

There were some small gramatical issues, but nothing that distracts from the passage too much.

"The unspoken words lay between us all I have left of Waze." Is Waze Cal's dad?

I think this is a unique take on a distopian earth. Usually there isn't enough water.

There's some more stuff I would say, but I've got to eat dinner. I'll come back later and look at this again.
Thank you for reading it.
Yes, Waze is Cal's dad. I literally have one more sentence after this that I didn't post because I was planning on adding it in the next section and it's this: Despite losing my father, Waze and my brother, Dewy to the water a few years ago, the water still called me as it had for them.
Argh, I hate grammar. I'll run it through Grammarly and try to find some errors.

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
cheese-duck
Scratcher
1000+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

Wow, I like it. The only suggestions I have are grammatical things and typos, which you can probably fix by going back and re-reading it. I want to know what happens next!

Le Mon ShopShayminmeful self-advertising for a thing that's kinda deadSide accountPokémon Fangames/Fakémon Topic
“1, 3! 123! 1234! 23!” – carpet monster i think

hey, i messed up suicune's head thing
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

cheese-duck wrote:

Wow, I like it. The only suggestions I have are grammatical things and typos, which you can probably fix by going back and re-reading it. I want to know what happens next!
Thanks, yeah I just ran the version on docs through Grammarly and found a ton of errors.

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

Added more

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
FlowerCat4444
Scratcher
45 posts

Flooded - A Short Story

Nice! I like where this is going! It's fairly fast-paced (which I think is your intention) so it's a bit hard to follow. It does seem a little rushed in parts. Especially the last sentence of the newly added portion. I wish I could be more specific, but I'm not really sure how to explain. Sorry, I'm really bad at critique.

The only other thing I noticed was your choice of diction. Cal's thoughts seem to see the water as deadly as the rest of the population does, so when he whipped out “yet I could only see beauty,” it didn't quite seem to follow. I know you hint about Cal's interest in living out on a boat, but is there some way to alter the wordchoice to show Cal's interest? The shorter broken syntax and your current diction does bring to mind the thoughts of a heavy rain storm, so it's definately good. IDK. I wish I was more helpful.

Also, I'm in AP Rhetorical Analysis mode right now if you didn't notice, so sorry if this sounds overly technical XD

Also, have you ever read any of Brandon Sanderson's books? I think you'd enjoy them.
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

FlowerCat4444 wrote:

Nice! I like where this is going! It's fairly fast-paced (which I think is your intention) so it's a bit hard to follow. It does seem a little rushed in parts. Especially the last sentence of the newly added portion. I wish I could be more specific, but I'm not really sure how to explain. Sorry, I'm really bad at critique.

The only other thing I noticed was your choice of diction. Cal's thoughts seem to see the water as deadly as the rest of the population does, so when he whipped out “yet I could only see beauty,” it didn't quite seem to follow. I know you hint about Cal's interest in living out on a boat, but is there some way to alter the wordchoice to show Cal's interest? The shorter broken syntax and your current diction does bring to mind the thoughts of a heavy rain storm, so it's definately good. IDK. I wish I was more helpful.

Also, I'm in AP Rhetorical Analysis mode right now if you didn't notice, so sorry if this sounds overly technical XD

Also, have you ever read any of Brandon Sanderson's books? I think you'd enjoy them.

I can see what you mean. The last line does seem sudden. I think Cal knows the water is deadly in his (I was thinking Cal was a girl this entire time but I realize I never clarified and it could go either way) mind, but s/he still thinks it is also beautiful. It's a love-hate relationship XD.

This is helpful. That sounds like a hard class. I'll look into them. Any particular favorites because there seems to be a lot of them.
(If I make Cal a boy it would mean in every story I've written in first person, the main character is a boy and in every book I've written in third person the main character is a girl. I can't tell if I like 1st or 2nd person better.)

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

Added More

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
magewolf-
Scratcher
1 post

Flooded - A Short Story

The-Book-Worm wrote:

I can see what you mean. The last line does seem sudden. I think Cal knows the water is deadly in his (I was thinking Cal was a girl this entire time but I realize I never clarified and it could go either way) mind, but s/he still thinks it is also beautiful. It's a love-hate relationship XD.

This is helpful. That sounds like a hard class. I'll look into them. Any particular favorites because there seems to be a lot of them.
(If I make Cal a boy it would mean in every story I've written in first person, the main character is a boy and in every book I've written in third person the main character is a girl. I can't tell if I like 1st or 2nd person better.)

Lol, for some strange reason I almost always picture first person protagonists as male until hinted otherwise. No idea why XD

My favorite book of his (and all time) is Elantris. I'd recommend that or Mistborn. (Fair warning, they are pretty intense)

Lol, you could never specify the gender. In a hundred years it might be the greatest literary mystery of all time XD
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

magewolf- wrote:

The-Book-Worm wrote:

I can see what you mean. The last line does seem sudden. I think Cal knows the water is deadly in his (I was thinking Cal was a girl this entire time but I realize I never clarified and it could go either way) mind, but s/he still thinks it is also beautiful. It's a love-hate relationship XD.

This is helpful. That sounds like a hard class. I'll look into them. Any particular favorites because there seems to be a lot of them.
(If I make Cal a boy it would mean in every story I've written in first person, the main character is a boy and in every book I've written in third person the main character is a girl. I can't tell if I like 1st or 2nd person better.)

Lol, for some strange reason I almost always picture first person protagonists as male until hinted otherwise. No idea why XD

My favorite book of his (and all time) is Elantris. I'd recommend that or Mistborn. (Fair warning, they are pretty intense)

Lol, you could never specify the gender. In a hundred years it might be the greatest literary mystery of all time XD
I should do that. I was planning on making the main character and Reka have a relationship but you would never know if it was lgtb which I was planning on making it. That's a good idea. It will be a bit hard though.

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
Orangey2011
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

That's a awesome short story!

-Orangey and his buddy Mr. Block.
say [Hi! I'm Mr. Block! I protect this signature from any nasties :)] for (forever) secs
The-Book-Worm
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

Orangey2011 wrote:

That's a awesome short story!
Thank you!

Read - Write - Live
Give 100% in everything you do… unless you're giving blood
I'm too busy on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.


Stories I've written:
redstonelasher2010
Scratcher
100+ posts

Flooded - A Short Story

It's great! I like the cliffhanger at the end.

redstonelasher2010 | A collection of projects | Mystery Link

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