weekly 2

Part 1: 200 words
Fairy tales have a place in almost every culture around the world, and whilst each culture’s stories are different, it’s possible to draw parallels in terms of the characters, storyline, or morals.

For example, in both the Italian tale of Petrosinella and the German tale of Rumpelstiltskin, the characters are presented with the opportunity to give up their child in return for something else. In Petrosinella, this is to escape the wrath of the angry ogress neighbour, whilst in Rumpelstiltskin, it is in return for spinning a mountain of straw into gold. However, this was only required as the miller’s daughter was a victim of her father’s bragging and the king’s greed.

Most of the fairy tales tell the story of good overcoming evil, such as Petrosinella and Father Frost. At the end of Petrosinella, the ogress, who is painted as the evil antagonist, is defeated by her own acorns, allowing Petrosinella and her lover to escape together.

Others contain a warning for the reader, like the Japanese fairy tale of The Fountain of Youth. This tale warns of the consequences of greed, showing how the woodcutter’s wife drank too much from the fountain and was turned into a baby.

Part 2: 420 words
In the fairy tale of Snow White, the magical mirror plays an important role in the plot. It is used by Snow White’s stepmother, a beautiful but incredibly vain woman and the queen of the land. The mirror is enchanted to answer questions and never lie, so when the queen asks daily, “Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”, the mirror always responds by saying the queen is.

Then, when Snow White is seven years old, the mirror instead responds that she is the most beautiful person in the land, and not the queen. The queen becomes incensed that she is not the prettiest and develops a burning hatred for her stepdaughter. Eventually her hatred becomes so strong that she decides to order a huntsman to kill Snow White. However, the huntsman spares the princess.

The queen finds out about this betrayal when she again asks the mirror, expecting it to respond saying that she is the fairest. However, it tells her not only that Snow White is still the fairest of them all, but that she is now hiding in the forest with a group of dwarves. The queen decides to take matters into her own hands and kill Snow White herself.

She attempts to kill Snow White with a corset laced so tight she faints, and a poisoned comb, but each time the dwarves are able to save her. Finally, the queen, disguised as a farmer’s wife, offers Snow White a poisoned apple, which she eats. This time, the dwarves are not able to save her, and believing her to be dead, they place her in a glass coffin.

A prince finds the coffin and, after learning Snow White is the daughter of the king, decides to take her back to the palace so she can be buried there. While on the way there, the piece of apple which had been lodged in her throat is jolted out of position and Snow White regains consciousness.

The queen yet again asks her mirror who the most beautiful person in the land is. This time it says it is the bride to a prince. She travels to the prince to find out who he is marrying, and finds Snow White there, alive, and married to the prince. She is eventually punished for her numerous attempts to kill Snow White.

The mirror is an integral part of the story, sowing the first seeds of discontent and pushing the queen to continue attempting to kill Snow White.

Part 3: 436 words
Jack’s mother had been very clear to him: sell the family cow, get enough money to sustain them for a few more weeks. No more, no less. Well, if he could get more money, she wouldn't discourage that. but certainly no less.

She still couldn't be sure if her son would even listen to her. He had always been a little cheeky and eccentric, and she knows that if she hadn't confronted Jack he certainly would have traded the cow for something silly, like a shiny plate or a red ribbon. There was still no telling, but maybe he’d gain enough common sense to realise that he just needed to get as much money as possible for the cow. Not some silly trinket.

He stood at the door, hand stable on the cow, other hand around their lead. Jack’s round face was flushed with the cold.

“Make sure not to come back with anything silly,” his mother reminded him. “But don't come back with the cow, either. Come back with the money from the cow.”

Jack nodded. His mother flashed one more dubious look at him before turning on her heel and disappearing back indoors.

The walk to the market was long and took Jack through a winding forest and hilly plains.

Once he got to the market, he was instantly dragged every which way by the colourful signs and loud salespeople.

A woman was selling glazed pottery goods. Another storeowner was selling books.

Jack passed by an odd store. A store filled with beans. Just beans, glowing an odd colour. Just barely gold, maybe.

The bean stall owner leaned over. “You want any? Beans.”

Jack is about to say yes when he remembers his mother’s reminder. Usually it would be nothing to stop him but his mother’s warning stops him in his tracks.

No, he tells himself, and when the bean seller comes around to him, waving the beans around enticingly, he says no.

Makes mother proud.

He walks home with a pouch half full of money. He had managed to sell the cow at a price he thought was quite reasonable. The thought of the beans constantly kept dragging him back to the stall, but each time he was just about able to still his twitching fingers and turn away from the stall.

Mother is happy when she counts up the money. Jack thinks he sees a delighted glint in her eyes, and the expression she wears is pride. Pride for her son, maybe.

The family never realise what those beans do. Jack never climbs a beanstalk or meets a giant. They live peacfully,

Part 4: 541 words
Did this become more of a creation myth than a fairytale? Yes. Hopefully it’s still valid though.

A long, long time ago, the world was different. Animals, humans, they all lived in harmony with each other. The small fly was as respected as the majestic elephant. There was no species that fought to become the most ferocious and feared — not like how we humans act today.

Different animals have different strengths. One of the abilities we humans lacked was the ability to navigate effectively. Birds could fly thousands of miles without ever losing their direction. Fish could migrate up streams and across oceans. But we lacked this simple skill.

The other animals discussed among themselves on how they could help humans to learn the skill too. Eventually, they came to a conclusion. Different members of different species would work together to create a symbol, constantly pointing a direction to remind humans of their way.

The animals disagreed on how to do this. Goose argued they could just paint arrows on the ground pointing north, but they were quickly ridiculed. It would be much too large of a job, and humans couldn't fly anyway! Goose decided that the next course of action would be to teach humans to fly, and bears, and all the other animals.

Turtle said that if humans could learn to love their home so much, perhaps they would feel that constant pull to their home. But that was hard to prove, and the other animals told Turtle that not all animals felt that attraction to a specific place.

It was Butterfly who had the cleverest idea. They suggested drawing patterns on the sky, like the patterns on a butterfly’s wing, pointing in a direction for the humans to look up to and follow. There were some flaws in the plan — how would the patterns be seen both morning and night? Would the humans be able to pick the patterns out? But it was the best idea so far.

Deer suggested to draw the patterns as stars, in the night sky. There were already many stars in the sky, but none which could help with navigation yet.

The volunteers decided that they themselves would become the stars, forever twinkling in the skies to show humans their way. So one cold day they flew up into the sky and out to space, becoming nothing but small white pinpricks. Stars.

They formed the shape of a ladle, or a plough. And the smaller volunteers created a smaller version. The butterfly flew up to become the North Star, forever illuminating the way for generations of humans to come.

At first the humans were so grateful and used the constellations for navigation with wonder in their eyes and respect in their hearts for the animals who had volunteered to create this for them.

But eventually the humans forgot the role the other animals had played in this, and began to take the stars for granted. They found navigating easy, and started using that against other animals, navigating smoothly to them and capturing them. The same animals who had debated and wondered about how to help the humans all those generations ago.

The other animals began to resent the humans, for how had they deserved this treatment, after all the animals had done and sacrificed for the benefit of the humans?

Unreliable Questionable Narrator || 315/250 words

Oh, me? An unreliable narrator? Never. Are you sure you don't have the wrong person, dearest reader? For I, for one, will do anything but withhold information about your favorite series from your precious little mind… Did that sound intimidating? Oh, my sincerest apologies–I really don't mean it, for you see, I'm forced to speak only in question on every other sentence–at the very least, that is. (Oh, bother, imagine only being allowed to speak inquiry?) That really does make my speech sound very… Questionable, don't you think? Oh, I am not funny… HA! There, did you see? I am telling you nothing but the truth, for the honest fact is that I am not at all close to being humorous.

And you must be wondering how I go by paragraphs, hm? My rules of speech also indicate that I am only allowed to end the sentence that starts each paragraph with–you guessed it, a question mark! Wait, you guessed that, right? …Phew, we're good. Wondering what the story is, aren't you now? Ah, yes, let me tell you. Wait–promise me you won't spoil the story for anyone else, okay? I can't risk such a treasure of a tale to go wandering off in the world on its own, who knows what sorts of danger lie in the vast expanse of the known universe?

What's that? You're asking me why I can only speak in question? Oh, a bright one you are, but quite unfortunately, I cannot answer that question. …WHAT WAS THAT??? How many times do I have to tell you to NOT address me as “unreliable”? That word haunts the deepest and darkest of my nightmares, so please, stop. And perhaps tell your little… friends, to refrain from using said vocabulary as well? Ah, thank you–I suppose there's no better time than now to head into the actual story, then, so… Shall we?

17.07.25 ⟢ 339/300 words - Little Women: 21st Century

Timidly, the two March sisters pushed open the door to the party. They'd never been invited to such a big one before, and this was a big deal to them, especially Meg, whose friends were already waiting for her in the kitchen. Smoothing down her hair, Meg went to join them and Jo dithered awkwardly, sipping Coke from a plastic cup. She watched some other people watch something on the television when she saw a redhead moving in her direction, fast. He looked tipsy and Jo dashed away fast, ducking into the coat cupboard.

She closed the door cautiously and sighed to herself, only to look up and see a pair of dark eyes staring back at her. ‘AAAH!’ Jo screamed, lurching backwards into some coats, anything to get away from the random boy. ‘I have pepper spray with me, you know!’ Jo reached around for her purse. ‘Somewhere here, anyway!’

The boy’s brows knitted together in confusion. Jo heard his voice say, ‘I’m not going to do anything. You can stay here, if you like.’
Recognising the voice, Jo peaked out from behind a raincoat and smiled gratefully. ‘Thanks.’ she bit her lip, pulling the jacket away from in front of her face. ‘You’re my neighbour, aren’t you.’

The boy chuckled, looking down. ‘Yep. That’s me! You can call me Laurie.’
‘Okay, Laurie.’ said Jo. There was a beat of silence. ‘So. What’s up?’

Laurie shrugged and smiled and the two began to lapse into easy conversation, quickly becoming good friends. They were taking turns spying on different partygoers through the keyhole when Jo heard her sister cry, ‘Jo! Jo! Where are you?’

Jo opened the door a crack, wincing at the loud music. She poked her head out. ‘Oops, seems like my sister’s calling me. Oh dear, her heel’s snapped.’ She turned back to Laurie, ‘WELL Laurie, it’s been nice knowing you, goodBYE!’ then started running to help her sister. As they hobbled carefully towards the door, a voice shouted ‘Wait up! I can take you home!’

Weekly #2 Character Development
2649 words

Part 1: Comparing Fairy Tales From Different Cultures - 463 words

Favorite Sleeping Beauty memory because I feel like it - Watching Sleeping Beauty (1959) with my best friend in the Frankfort Airport during a 6 hour layover after a transcontinental flight, and literally almost falling asleep during the part where the fairies are putting all the castle people to sleep.

The earliest version of Sleeping Beauty is found in Perceforest, a 14th century French story. It is similar to the version of Sleeping Beauty we know today; however, the princess, Zellandine, falls into a magical slumber while spinning because she was cursed by the goddess Themis (who was invited to the celebration feast of Zellandine's birth, but mad because she didn't have a knife to eat with ). There also more monkey business in Perceforest than the version we know. The entirety of the story accounts Arthurian legend. Zellandine is an ancestor of Sir Lancelot. There is also a similar Italian fairy tale from the 17th century called Sun, Moon, and Talia. In this tale, it is predicted that the daughter of a lord, Talia, (the sleeping beauty) will be put in danger by a splinter, so her dad outlaws all flax in the house. Talia tries to help an old lady spin one day but then falls into a magical slumber after getting the predicted splinter. The story then closely follows Perceforest, but other weird things happen (children cooking attempts. They survive, tho, trust) after the wife of the king (who indirectly woke her up) gets jealous. They live happily ever after though. A Frenchman, Charles Perrault adapted this story into a collection of fairy tales. He added a spindle instead of just, like, the flax, which is kind of inaccurate to spinning, because, like, spindles aren't really  sharp?? What a man move lol. (JillianEve made a whole video disproving the spindle thing.) There are also fairy ladies and an uninvited old fairy that everyone reasonably thought was dead. There is the curse, the enchantment of the whole castle, and growth of brambles. The prince, remarkably polite compared to his predecessors, walks in and is stunned by her looks and that is enough to wake her. Perrault's version follows a similar storyline afterwards to the ending of Sun, Moon, and Talia, only it's the literal ogre of the prince's mother that doesn't like her daughter-in-law and kids. The Brothers Grimm, who are German, then created their tale based off of Perrault's. This version included the lack of an invitation that resulted in a curse, but the fairies were just “wise women”. From there the typical events play out, excluding the sending away of Rosamund (the sleeping beauty), which was added to Disney's movie. The prince business is different from the previous stories and similar to the Disney movie.

Part 2: Writing About An Object From A Fairy Tale - 246 words

Favorite Chicken Little memory because this is now a thing! - Chicken Little (2005) is a classic film in my household and my sister and I will always be able to watch it without it getting old.

Falling on someone's head wasn't exactly the way I wanted to go down in history. Of course, when I finally decided to do something with my life, it was at the most inopportune time.

There I was, living my life, hanging out on the tree with my other acorn buddies. It was autumn, and a lot of them had decided to ditch the tree and hang out on the ground. I was procrastinating, though. Life was nice on the tree. I was also scared of the fall. Still, that morning the winds were blowing harshly, worse than I'd felt before.

I decided, “Ah, what the heck? If everyone else can do it, so can I.”

It took me longer than I expected to psych myself up. So, when I finally did, I wasn't really paying attention to anything else but the feeling of plummeting through the air.

That's when I hit the chicken.

Poor little thing. She didn't know what hit her. Literally. As I bounced off of her, she rubbed her head and started going on about the sky falling. I rolled helplessly on the grass, far from my branch buddies, and cringed as the chicken ran off, flapping her wings and squawking like there was no tomorrow.

Part 3: Putting A Spin On A Fairy Tale - 818 words

Favorite Jack and the Beanstalk memory - Reading Half Upon A Time and slowly witnessing James Riley flip the entire world upside down and doing things with his characters and story that I never would have expected. (That series is so good <3)

Jack traded in the family cow for three magic beans - that much is true.

His mother was concerned when he got home, probably because he was supposed to bring back money, not beans. He told her they were magic beans (alledgedly) and she told him to plant them in the garden to prove it. If they weren't, then Jack would get a chewing out and a lecture about the importance of maintaining awareness of scams, and the family would get beans. If the beans were magic … then they'd better hope that they weren't activated by rubbing them and asking for wishes because those beans just got buried.

Luckily for them, the beans grew into a giant beanstalk overnight. Jack's mother, whose name was actually Eliza Spriggins, noticed it first, since she woke up earlier than her son, and also it was kind of hard to miss. It was clear that something of the magical variety was happening, thus they hadn't got scammed.

She went outside to gape at the beanstalk. It seemed to stretch into the sky. Miraculously, it didn't need a trellis to hang onto. It was more like a beantree.

Eliza decided right then and there that she was going to climb that thing. She had to check if there were any giant bean pods hanging far above her. Those could probably make a lot of money at the market. Also feed them for a ridiculously long time. Like, a until they got sick of beans long time.

She climbed, which was tricky at first and involved grumbling “I'm too old for this” a lot. As she climbed, she didn't see any bean pods. They might not have grown in yet. She kept going, partially because she might not be high enough for beans, partially because doing something like this was exciting, and partially because she was too scared to try and go down. Before she knew it, her house was very, very small, and the clouds seemed very, very close, and the beanstalk was still very, very empty of beans.

She looked up because looking down was scary. Through the clouds, she could see the outline of something almost building like. She kept climbing because this day was already weird, so why not? Before long, she found the end of the beanstalk. It had led her to a land on top of the clouds. Eliza could walk on the cloud cover just like solid ground. Laying before her was a giant castle. It wasn't giant in the sense that it was big - it was giant in the sense that it was enormous, humongous, really, really, really large. It was much too large for a human. All its features looked like they were scaled up two sizes.

She decided to go inside, just to take a peek. She found a side door that was open and stepped in. Inside was a cozy kitchen, and also a giantess who was most definitely staring at her.

“Sorry ma'am,” Eliza said. “Got a little lost.”

But the giantess had no trouble with this, and soon enough she and Eliza were chatting over a snack of milk and bread, though Eliza's portions were significantly smaller. The giantess was named Belulah, and she was glad to have another woman to talk to. They found that they could relate on a manner of things.

It was all going swimmingly until Belulah's husband showed up. He was stomping down the halls and yelling “Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman” and other things about grinding bones and bread.

Belulah rolled her eyes and helped Eliza hide in the oven (which was off).

“Calm down, Stuart,” she said. “There is no man here. Honestly, you're becoming so sensitive these days. It must be the weather.”

Stuart mumbled “Sorry” and left. Belulah helped Eliza out of the oven. The Belulah remembered something, and led Eliza over to a closet, where she rooted around for a moment before pulling out a tiny sack. Well, the sack was small for a giant, but normal sized for a human.

“Can you take this off our hands?” Belulah asked. “A few years ago, a human robber broke in. Stuart got him, but he was carrying this. It's full of human currency. We don't really know what to do with it.”

Eliza was very surprised and very thankful to her new friend, and after saying goodbye, put the sack in her apron pocket and climbed back down the beanstalk. The money in it allowed her to buy many practical new things, letting her and Jack live relatively comfortably for the first time in a long time.

Part 4: Creating Your Own Fairy Tale - 1,122 words

Favorite this made up fairy tale memory - Realizing I made the plot conflict too morally ambiguous, to the point where I had no idea what to write, so I stuck to the plan.

Once upon a time … no, is that too cliche? I'm trying to be original here. Still, this should have fairy tale vibes. Okay here we go.

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, so far you didn't know that it ever existed, there lived a girl. She was the middle child of five. Her family lived in a cave in the middle of the woods, which was very strange, and the girl (whose name was Lou) was not sure if she liked it much. Her parents said that this was because they wanted their children to be in touch with nature, but she knew (because sometimes she heard them talking when she was supposed to be asleep) that they lived in the cave because they weren't welcome most places in the kingdom.

Her family was cursed with bad luck.

They made bad decisions. Things went wrong in major ways. They were considered a “danger to civilized society.”

Lou didn't realize all this when she was younger, but she was starting to understand it now. She remembered when her older brother Rim, the eldest, got thrown in the town jail. Rim loved to play with fire, until he burned the library to ashes. They found him standing in the cinders, staring at his hands and muttering “what have I done?” over and over again. Everyone chalked it up as a freak accident, but he still paid the time.

Everything seemed to be okay, but then her older sister Kay pushed three children down the well. Kay didn't rush to tell anyone. She just stood there, shocked, and stared as they cried and splashed. The children were fine, at least physically. Lou's family, on the other hand…

That's when the rumors began. People brought up her parent's wedding. Her father mixed rat poison into the animal feed. All the guest's horses and donkeys died. The town was no longer convinced it was an accident.

The stories made Lou scared. She didn't know why these things happened. Her siblings didn't like talking about it. They only said that “they felt like they gave into something they shouldn't have.” Even though Lou loved the woods, she didn't want to live in seclusion all her life. She didn't want to live in fear of another mistake.

She was walking through the woods one day, thinking of all this, when it happened. A wagon crashed through the underbrush, pulled by two scared looking horses. An older woman gripped their reins tightly as the wagon lurched. Lou watched as the wagon's wheel broke off and the woman fell to the ground. A howl echoed through the woods from behind.

Lou ran up to the woman. She was alive, but she seemed to have fallen pretty hard. Her eyes were closed.

The howling came closer. Lou looked up and saw that a pack of wolves had surrounded the wagon. They looked like shadows. A man made his way through the pack and stood close to where Lou was crouched over the woman. He was clearly a fairy and was beautiful in a twisted way that made her feel guilty and ashamed and scared.

“It is now your turn, Lou,” he said, smiling. It did not reach his eyes. “Just as your family had, you now face a crossroads.”

“What do you want?” she said. Her parents told her not to talk to strangers, but she couldn’t just run from the crazy fairy and leave the unconscious woman here.

“I want to offer you a choice.” He pointed his staff, which she didn’t notice he had, at her. “This woman is carrying riches beyond imagination in her wagon.”

Lou glanced at the wagon. It had a large payload covered with a blanket.

“You can leave her to me and the mercy of my wolves. Take the wagon and with it power.” He leaned forward, dark eyes glittering. “Your family will never be exiled again.”

“Why would I just let an innocent woman die?” Lou retorted. “Her stuff belongs to her. I’m not that desperate.”

The fairy laughed. The wolves seemed to snicker.

“This innocent woman,” he said, sweeping his staff in her direction. “is a wanted thief. She carries with her the crown jewels of the surrounding kingdoms. The one who returns these riches will gain the lifetime favor of the royal families.”

“Yeah right,” Lou said. The woman at her feet looked like she could be her grandmother, not a notorious thief.

The fairy reached under the blanket in the wagon and pulled out the kingdom’s royal seal.

“If you decide to save her life, then I will return the riches to where they came.” The seal crumbled to dirt in his hand. “And that will be your mistake. She will live to steal from more people. And you will be known for allowing her to do it.”

His idea of a mistake didn’t sound so terrible. But she had a feeling it would be. Looking at the fairy, she felt a twisting feeling in her gut. Letting him and the wolves have the woman, though. That felt like giving into something she shouldn’t. Maybe this was what happened to her siblings, in some way or another.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked.

That was all she really wanted to know. Why? Why someone would make the wrong choice. Why everything happened the way it did. Why her family kept letting things happen to them.

“I am the one who vindicates the wronged.” The fairy leaned forward again, face now twisted cruelly. “But I also humble those who pretend to be righteous.”

“And you think I could be either,” Lou said. “But I’m not going to let you execute your idea of justice on my family or this woman.”

Lou pointed at the thief. “Maybe she has done wrong, but she has nothing to do with your quarrel with me. I’d rather give those she wronged the chance to settle things fairly.”

“You chose to let her live?” he said.

Lou stared at him. She was choosing exile.  But at least she wouldn’t see that woman die. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe she was trying to be righteous. Maybe she was making a mistake.

“Yes,” she said. “Let her face justice the way it ought to be, the way it would’ve been without your meddling.”

“Very well,” the fairy said.

His wolves howled and tore through the woods. Through the trees and the wolves and the wagon she watched as he faded away.

◆◇◆◇◆ EVIDENCE 16: TROPE TWIST ◆◇◆◇◆

Tired of the same old storylines? Take a common writing trope and put your own unique spin on it! Add surprising twists, new and fresh perspectives, and make that familiar idea your own. Write 250 words for 150 points, and earn an extra 100 for sharing your work. Good luck and happy writing!

“Hey, you’re into Mina, right?”

I snapped my head up, looking at one of my few friends, Nathan Nguyen. I mentally screamed, since all parties in my current situationship agreed to keep it under wraps for now, besides family. Nathan was certainly not under that category. Hopefully he hasn’t figured out Alex is part of this too—though, I haven’t actually gotten his opinion on poly relationships before. I should probably get to that. If he’s supportive I can /probably/ tell him, since the main reason we wanted to keep this private was because we didn’t know who’d be supportive.

“…Am I obvious?”

Nathan shot me a deadpan look, “Yes?”

“Oh.” I probably should get better at keeping secrets.

“Anyways, continuing what I was saying, I’m pretty sure she’s into Alex.” I stared at him for a good minute. Wow. All of us needed to get better at keeping secrets if Nathan managed to figure it out. Or maybe he’s just perceptive, maybe it’s both. Paying no mind to my inner thoughts, he continued speaking. “Though, I’m pretty sure that Alex is into /you/, which really surprised me. I have nothing against gay people, FYI.”

I took that as an indication it’d be fine to tell him.

“Okay so actually-”

“You know, I think this forms a perfect love triangle. You like Mina, Mina likes Alex, Alex likes you…Yeah, love triangle.”

“Yeah, so, do you know what polyamorous means?”

Nathan stared at me for a moment. Pausing, for a moment I worried he wasn’t supportive, before he nodded his head. “That makes sense.”

“So…you’re cool with that?”

He rolled his eyes, “Of course.”

“This is also kind of meant to be a secret, so…”

“You guys are all terrible at secrets.” He scoffed, “But yeah, I can do that.”

I sighed, pulling out my phone and sending a message to our group chat.

hey so i told nathan
you WHAT

♖ | 319 words

The Daily

Word count:1622
Trope: Evil Twin, Separated at birth

It was a bright, Fall day when Estrella and her friends Violet,Iris, Rose and Lily were heading towards her house. It was early October so they were coming over to start planning their Halloween party and the costumes that they would be wearing. Estrella's adoptive parents were really great, humble people who donated to charity despite their great wealth being the Co-CEO’s and founders of the largest fast food chain in ‘Murica: Tacos-2-go. They lived in a small 2-story house on State Street with their black cat-Jinx who she had got for her 15th birthday last year.

Jinx was sleeping on her bed when the 5 of them sat down on it. Pulling her notebook with plans of Halloween costumes out of her school bag Estrella was really excited. Hosting parties were her favorite. They always had fun decorating, and picking out cute clothes to wear.. Then, her mother called from downstairs “Ella, something came for you in the mail!”
After telling her friends that she’ll be right back, Estrella headed downstairs to get it. With no offense to her mom, she wouldn’t trade her for any other adopted mom in the world but, if she didn’t get something now, it would get lost.
Her mom was waiting at the bottom of the stairs holding out the letter. As she took it from her mother with thanks,she noticed that it had the symbol for the adoption agency that her parents got her from. Opening it, it said.

To: Ms. Estrella Miller

We are writing this letter to inform you that we recently found out that you have a twin sister, named Bellatrix who is currently in Foster care and is wanting to meet you. Please arrive to the adoption center to schedule a meeting.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon,

Ms. Rachel Smith
Adoption Agent
Radical Adoption Center



Oh my god, was Ella's thought. She had always wanted a sibling and a twin!! That was pretty much her dream. She was super excited to meet her and then they could make up nicknames for each other, and do each other's hair… Of course she could do that with her friends but, having a sibling to do that with just was more exciting. After calling a thank you to her mother she hurried back up the stairs and ran back into her room.
After telling her friends they got to work on their party planning
******
It had been a while since her friends had headed home for dinner at their houses and Estrella was sitting down with her parents after helping with dinner. Dinner was spaghetti and meatballs, her second favorite meal in the entire world. Then, her mothers voice broke through the comfortable silence that were her thoughts “Dear, do you want to tell your dad what came in the mail today?”
“Yeah, so apparently, I have a twin who wants to meet me!” she said.
“That’s great dear. I do remember them mentioning something like that when we adopted you, and I am so glad that there might be an opportunity for you two to become close.” Her father Atlas said. Her parents were truly the best. It wasn’t like she had been worried about them saying no but, it just made everything so much better. “How about we call tomorrow and see if we can have a meeting scheduled,” Mom said.
******
Entering the Adoption Center office was one of the most exciting and nerve wracking things that had ever happened to Estrella. She was very excited to meet her twin but, at the same time what if her twin didn’t like her. That might just break her heart. Sitting on one of the uncomfortable chairs in Ms.Smith's office was a girl with her black hair in a ponytail looking almost just like Estrella, but with straighter hair. Wearing a black t-shirt, ripped black jeans and black combat boots she had almost the opposite outfit of what Estrella was wearing with white, light blue, and pink. She could tell Cordelia was nervous about this since she was turning her bracelet around on her wrist, something that she almost never did. Estrella’s dad was working so he wasn’t there. He wasn’t around a lot since he was busy a lot of the time. Ms.Smith was sitting next to Bellatrix, with a pensive look on her face. “Oh, great you’re here now. So, this is as you can most likely guess, Bellatrix,” she said. “If you want I can leave so that you can have some time to talk with just the three of you.”
“Yeah, that would be great.” Mom said. Ms. Smith left the room saying that she would be back in around 20 minutes. “Pleasure to meet you,” Mom said, sticking out her hand to shake Bellatrix's. “I am Estrella’s adopted mom. You can just call me Cordelia though.”
“Nice to meet you,too” she replied. Conversation went much smoother after that. Bellatrix’s interests were a lot different than Estrella’s, she was less interested in fashion and more into astronomy, and music. At the end they talked about meeting again to get to know each other better.
******
A couple weeks later they had ended up adopting Bellatrix and Estrella was over the moon. Okay, not actually over the moon. To do that she would have to be a really far way from Earth but she now had a twin sister. And not just a twin sister but one that she would be living in the same house with and going to the same school. Bella’s school supply list arrived from the school, the two twins were almost identical but Bella looked more dark and like she could blend into the shadows while Estrella always looked like she was about to shine. They talked a lot with each other about just about everything. Including their plans for the future and what they wanted to do once they got out of school.
******
On Bella’s first day, Estrella was definitely more excited than she had been in a while. It was early december which meant that it was getting colder and she would have to do more work to catch up, but they were going to the same school!! And then Estrella they could work on the projects where you’re supposed to be paired with someone instead of being paired with random people..
******
At the end of the day they both headed home on the same bus. “How was your day?” Estrella asked. They were in the same English class but, almost nothing else. “Not the best,” Bella answered. “Some kids in Math Class looked at me when I was doing my introduction to the class and later called me a vampire.” She was wearing dark red with black on almost all her clothes. But, that still didn’t give anyone any rights to make fun of her twin. Oh, Estrella was really mad. Not, like she would physically harm anyone mad. She would never go to that level. She also believed that she was better than to actually bully someone else for bullying Bella but that just wasn’t nice. But instead she just said “Sometimes people are mean. You’ve still got me, just ignore them.”
******
Around a week later you could tell that the bullying had gotten worse. Bella still hadn’t told anyone apart from Estrella. That much Estrella knew. She had talked to Bella about it. And they had discussed what they might do if it got worse. But, luckily it hadn’t gotten to that point yet. It was only really comments on how she dressed but, Estrella really knew how much that could hurt someone’s self-esteem. And people calling you a vampire and evil just because you mostly wore black and red was just rude, bullying is a serious problem and can definitely affect even how we look at ourselves.
******
The bullying had luckily stopped. But, it was only because the kids had gone missing. Bella had become more of a closed off person, letting almost no one into her room. She barely talked to anyone, and seemed to just appear ,go to school and disappear again. Now, people at school didn’t bully her, mostly because there were rumors that bullying her was what led to the other kids disappearing. People said that she was evil, and that was obvious based on her clothes. But, those were at least whispered between people instead of directed at her. \
******
Then, suddenly there was a crash. The bus that Estrella and Bellatrix had been taking home after getting detention for yelling at some of the kids who were saying rumors just hit a patch of ice and the bus went over the bridge into the river. The funeral was held on a Saturday. It was more of a memorial than anything since they were unable to find the bodies of the 2 girls and the bus driver. Nobody could find 3 bodies in a river in January. But, they were good kids, they had always had top grades. They had celebrated their 17th birthday the morning before.
******
Wait, what are you telling me ? They’re not dead? But, the notes I have on here say that they are! What do you mean?
~ ~ ~ ~ We will be back after a short ad break. ~ ~ ~ ~
Okay, we’re back.. . So, apparently neither of them are actually dead. Yeah, isn’t that so nice. Well, bad news apparently the 2 of them have taken over the world. Well, I guess that’s what happens when you think one person is nice and one person is evil. They both end up being evil. He he … yeah… I should probably go… they canceled all news shows, including this one…

New Trope: They’re both actually evil

July 16 Daily
348 words
I could've done something more original, but I just really wanted to write a hate triangle :')

Master GooGa was getting on Phsyco Boy's last nerves, and it wasn't helping that Senora Mala was butting in, too.

“You're doing it wrong!” GooGa said, for, like, the billionth time. “Red wire first, then blue. Everybody knows that.”

“Everybody who graduated from the Academy of Stupid in Incompetentville,” Senora Mala said. (It was a very bad insult) "Everybody knows that it's the green wire first, then red, then blue, and then you cut the red one again, and then the black one.“

Phsyco Boy threw his wire cutters up with exasperation. ”I'm going to look it up.“

He pulled out his phone, but then Mala snatched it from him, scraping his hand with her ridiculously long nails.

”Oh no you don't,“ she said. ”Your FBI agent is going to freak if you search up ‘Bomb diffusing for dummies’.“

”Well, what are we going to do?“ GooGa said, gesturing towards the bomb sitting in front of them. ”Do you really want to wait for this little ‘problem’ to ‘go away’ RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR LAIR?“

”It's my lair, GooGa,“ Mala said angrily.

”Then why don't you do something about it?“ Phsyco Boy said. ”It's not like you were the one who turned it on in the first place.“

”It was an accident!“ she protested.

”Right,“ GooGa sneered. ”Then why don't you try fixing your accident your ‘correct way’ while we go somewhere far, far away from here?“

”Ew, I'm not going with you,“ Phsyco Boy said. ”Find your own bomb shelter far, far away from mine.“

”You're missing the point!“ GooGa yelled.

”Let's just dump this thing,“ Mala complained. ”Let the heroes deal with it in their headquarters.“

”For once you come up with a good idea,“ Phsyco Boy muttered.

”And for once I agree with him,“ GooGa said, jabbing a finger at Phsyco Boy.

”Yeah, the sooner we get rid of those pesky little do-gooder heroes, the sooner I can have you two out of my lair.“ Mala picked up the bomb and patted it. ”Let's ride."

weekly
Thursday, July 10, 2025 - Wednesday, July 16, 2025
2,040 words

It's time for our second weekly! Created by our amazing weeklings Ris and Rockie, this week's activities focus on fairy tales! https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/8627812/

PART 1: Comparing Fairy Tales from Different Cultures

Though the characters and details vary, fairy tales across different cultures often share many of the same archetypes and themes. For example, the family dynamic of a meek youth and an abusive older relative, well known in Cinderella’s story, is also present in the Russian tale of “Father Frost.”
A lot of fairy tales function as methods of teaching morals by showing “good” characters getting rewarded and “bad” characters getting punished. Those with greedy, selfish, and rude personalities usually do not have a happy ending, while those that are obedient and kind have good things come to them. This structure is seen in the Italian story of “Petrosinella,” where a mother steals from her ogress neighbor, then loses her daughter to the ogress because of it. However, the ogress traps the daughter in a tower, later being killed by a wolf while trying to prevent her from escaping. The daughter gets to marry a prince. The Japanese story of “The Fountain of Youth” also punishes greed. An old man drinks a little water and regains his youthful strength and beauty, but his wife drinks too much and is turned into a helpless baby.
Fairy tales often communicate the social norms of their culture of origin. Many of them glorify monarchy by having kings, queens, princes, and princesses as major characters. Sometimes these rulers are “bad,” like the greedy king in the German fairy tale “Rumpelstiltskin” and sometimes they are “good,” like the prince and princess in the Indian story of “Wonderful Youth,” but either way, they are the important players. If there is a poorer character living in a society with royals, their story usually still involves the royals somehow. Female characters getting married to kings and princes is a common event in many different fairy tales, and this also demonstrates the traditional role of women in the societies that created the stories. Even religious values can be discussed through fairy tales, such as in “The Story of Tuan MacCairill” from Irish culture.
As moral values and societal norms shift over time and distance, the tales themselves may change to fit. Plus, details get altered over many generations of retelling. As such, there are typically many different variations of any given fairy tale. This variety can give valuable insight into different cultural identities and the rich histories embedded within a simple story.

PART 2: Writing about an Object From a Fairy Tale

No one knew exactly how old the crown was. It was made of darkened, weathered bone, probably from a Daeodon or similarly large, powerful mammal. However, it was actually rather small itself, not much bigger than an adult canid’s pawprint. Intricately-carved patterns adorned its surface, and strands of clay beads were woven between its jagged spikes, which curved inward slightly.
It was clearly created by an expert, but the thing that made it unique wasn’t the skill of its design. A skilled crafter could plausibly recreate a perfect duplicate except for one element—the feathers.
The creatures that once bore such plumage had long ago vanished from this world. They left evidence of their work everywhere, but very few organic pieces of themselves. Formerly remembered as deities, they were now all but mythical.
If any memory of their identities remained trapped in the crown, it wasn’t saying. It did seem to radiate a sort of power, though. Few would dare question the rule of the one wearing it. Few could successfully rule without it.
It had been passed around through the generations, sometimes stolen, sometimes hidden away for seasons. Carefully preserved, the feathers had faded but not rotted away. Canids had fought over it, control going to whoever managed to claim it as their own.
And now it was hers.

PART 3: Putting a Spin on a Fairy Tale

(This is mainly based on “Beauty and the Beast,” and then it throws in some “Princess and the Frog” and “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” Also, it’s loosely based on my actual canon but with, like, magic instead of sci-fi tech. Wheeee~)

Once upon a time—okay, that’s really vague. Specifically in the Miocene epoch, there was a race of canids that weren’t actually wolves nor even the ancestors of modern wolves, but they were kinda wolf-sized, so I’ll call them that for the sake of simplicity. Oh, and this is the version of Earth’s history where magic is real. Probably ought to mention that.
There were birds, and the birds feared the wolves, but they were smarter than the mammals. They cooperated to defend themselves, gradually learning how to live alongside the predators. In time, they learned more things and developed an advanced society and advanced magic. The wolves hadn’t been a threat for a long time, and the birds realized that the tables had turned. They had complete control over their former enemy!
The obvious thing to do, of course, was do magical experiments on them. What could go wrong?
Turns out a lot of things. The experiments were stopped and the birds moved onto other things, eventually leaving entirely.
The only issue was, some of their experiments had escaped and bred with the native population. The wolves now had some weird magic recessive genes that weren’t particularly great adaptations.
But either evolution did its thing, or the birds’ work was more resilient than they had thought. The genes didn’t die out, and instead mutated into something approaching a useful trait. Mostly.
Somewhere in the middle of that process, there was a wolf who gained the ability to shapeshift. It was messy, and she wasn’t entirely sure how to use it. Instead of being cautious like the birds, ending her experiments when they started being problematic, the wolf got greedy and tried to shapeshift into increasingly difficult forms in the pursuit of greater power and status. However, this quest actually ended up causing her to distance herself from her wolf pack, who weren’t a fan of her strange magic power. Still, she thought she could win their respect when one day, she figured out how to turn into a bird.
But then she got stuck.
She used her wings to fly up to the nests of the birds, hoping to find someone who could help her with her curse. But the nests had long been abandoned. She did, however, find books filled with the birds’ magical notes. Isolated from her fellow wolves, she took to living among these books, searching for an answer.
Finally, she found a promising lead. The secret to deactivating the malfunctioning magic gene’s overactive transcription was through hormones typically associated with true love.
But how would she find true love when there were no other birds around, and the other wolves would only see her as prey? She figured she had a better bet with the wolves, since they actually existed, unlike the nowhere-to-be-found birds. Besides, birds could mimic voices pretty well, so she could still speak Wolf.
After a bunch of failed attempts that I don’t have time to write about, she eventually met a wolf who also felt distanced from the others. He had a neglectful family and was always making up outlandish stories to attract attention, even though he was inevitably punished for lying. Except this time, when he talked about birds, there actually was one.
She explained her curse, and he explained his situation. The two of them fell in love. Except when they kissed, instead of her curse lifting, he turned into a bird, too.
Maybe “curse” was too strong of a word, though. He thought that being a bird was pretty sweet actually, and now that she had a companion, she didn’t mind too much, either.
So it was happily ever after for the bird couple.
Well, except neither of them knew what would happen if they tried to have offspring.

PART 4: Creating Your Own Fairy Tale

Once within a time-
“Wait, isn’t it supposed to be UPON a time?”
Huh? No, that would imply that the story takes place on TOP of a time. This story takes place INSIDE of a time.
“…If you say so. Continue on.”
Once within a time, a family of turtles lived beside a lake. There were three full-sized turtles and one tiny baby turtle who wasn’t even three-twentieths of the size of the others. All four turtles really enjoyed knitting scarves.
<<This is very inaccurate turtle behavior so far.>>
Oh, shut up, this is a fairy tale, it’s not supposed to be making logical sense. Now, please let me tell this thing. The Turtle family decided that they would make scarves for all their friends who lived in and around the lake. Mama Turtle would make scarves for the otters, Papa Turtle would make scarves for the ducks, Sister Turtle would make scarves for the water snakes, and Baby Brother Turtle would make scarves for the fish.
“Hold up, you’re just calling them the Turtle family? And not even giving them first names? I thought you HATED that.”
I do, but it sounds more fairy-tale-ish, doesn’t it? …No? Well, do YOU have any good ideas for names?
“Uh… Mary, Francis, Glenda, and… Ba’alzebal.”
…Wh- No! What- why would I name them that?!
“I guess you could just name them after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, then. There ARE four of them.”
Ughhh, no, that’s even worse- Fineeeee, Mary, Francis, Glenda, and Ba’alzebal it is. NOW BACK TO THE STORY. Mary made her scarves thick and warm. Francis made his scarves colorful and cute. Glenda made her scarves sleek and fancy. Little Ba’alzebal tried to make his scarves just as comfortable and gorgeous as his family’s, but try as he might, his were always flimsy and boring. He knitted and knitted, but was still unsatisfied with his work. Eventually, he became demotivated and stopped trying. “I don’t like making scarves anymore,” he muttered.
When the time came to present their gifts, Mary gave her scarves to the otters. They were delighted. “Thank you, Mary!” they exclaimed. “These will help us stay cozy and dry!”
Francis gave his scarves to the ducks. They were pleased. “Thanks, Francis,” they quacked. “These are perfect for our ducklings’ nest!”
Glenda gave her scarves to the water snakes. They were ecstatic. “Much appreciated, Glenda!” they hissed. “These will make us the most fashionable creatures around the lake!”
Ba’alzebal reluctantly gave his terrible scarves to the fish. They weren’t impressed. “But why would we need those?” they said.
Ba’alzebal tried to apologize. “I know they’re not warm like my mother’s, or cute like my father’s, or fancy like my sister’s,” he sighed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do as good a job.”
“No, no,” responded the fish, “that’s not what we meant. It’s just that we have no use for a scarf. It would get tangled in our gills. And we don’t even have necks.”
“But wouldn’t it help you stay cozy and dry, like the otters said?”
“We’re literally fish. We’re wet all the time. And I think the otters will find that the scarf will only get soggy and weigh them down. Their waterproof fur is what’s meant to keep them dry.”
“But couldn’t you use it to decorate your nests, like the ducks said?”
“Not all fish even build nests, you know. Us, we simply scatter our eggs in shallow water among the gravel. Besides, a colorful scarf will only alert predators to the eggs’ location. The ducks are meant to hide their nests in the reeds for that very reason.”
“But you don’t think a scarf will make you look fashionable, like the water snakes said?”
“…Can you PICTURE a fish wearing a scarf? Or a snake, for that matter? It would look ridiculous. All we need to look good are our shiny scales.”
“Oh,” said Ba’alzebal. “So there’s no point in us making scarves. Everyone here already has everything they need to live their lives.”
“Pretty much,” said the fish. “Sorry for ruining your hobby.”
“No, this is great!” Ba’alzebal smiled. “It was actually pretty stressful. I only did this because my family wanted me to. But now I can tell them what a bad idea it was! Thank you so much!”
With a new outlook on life, Ba’alzebal rushed away to tell everyone the news. And they all resented him for destroying their positivity toward scarves. The end.
<<I’m not sure what moral I was supposed to take away from that.>>
“Don’t get pressured into doing pointless stuff you don’t even enjoy, but if you speak up about how dumb it is, everyone will dislike you?”
<<Also turtles shouldn’t attempt to knit scarves.>>
Yep! Important fairy tale life lessons, amirite?


table of contents

TW: Depression + more

Why Hymn for a Scarecrow is so impactful: 1202 words

Hymn for a Scarecrow is the 7th track on the Good and Evil album by Tally Hall. It's known for its calming feel, and emotional impact on the listener without being too straightforward. Which is why Hymn for a Scarecrow is the most impactful song in the album and should be more known to the world.

Verse 1:
Hymn for a Scarecrow starts with basic guitar chord progressions, saying that the main character, or the scarecrow, hangs around for a living, a metaphor for being distant from everything else. Exactly how depression can make you isolate yourself, away from any crowds. When the line says “Somewhere between all the land and the sky” is to NOT be grounded, meaning the scarecrow isn't even in a good or rational emotional state, leading to its inevitable spiral in the bridge. When it's being by never forgiving, it's constantly stuck in the past, letting the weight crush him slowly, this also contributes to the spiral. Again, having no one know him is a strong metaphor, being as depressed people typically distance themselves from others.

Verse 2:
Having birds believe at a distance meaning that no one notices the inner turmoil the scarecrow feels. All because it puts on a smile, just not to let others down. As if for a chance of finally being able to be ‘normal’ which is false. But here's the thing, depressed people usually keep people out, they lash out, and that's what the scarecrow is doing by keeping the crows away. Eventually summing up the verse asking if they even care. Which is the case for most people with depression, saying that no one cares about their feelings.

Verse 3:
Farmer Jim and the scarecrow are compared in this verse. Farmer Jim seems to be in great activity, as he “hums when he's all alone”. People notice that Farmer Jim becomes different when he's alone, but no one truly knows how Farmer Jim feels, just like the scarecrow. However, both of them are unaware of how each other feel, hinting that the scarecrow doesn't know the meaning behind the humming. Once again, it sums up the verse asking if Farmer Jim, the one it's closest to, cares. In which, it likely believes he doesn't, just like how people with depression think.

1st Chorus:
This covers the fact that the scarecrow, like most depressed people, lets the world carry them through life. Not really doing anything with themselves because it's hinting that they just… can't take the proper measures to do so. And since the scarecrow floating through life, it doesn't believe anyone even knows its name or are willing to be in any sort of relationship with it. Or at least the chorus shows that the scarecrow doesn't believe it. Once again, it's instilling this uncertainty by repeating the first line, but all in the end it shows how the scarecrow blames itself for everything that has brought it to this point.

Verse 4:
To be taken by Mother Earth's love is to be taken by death, but a whisper is most likely a near death experience. When it's saying it wasn't her fault, it's saying that the scarecrow likely hurt itself, causing his life to almost end. And in this verse, it implies that the scarecrow isn't even a scarecrow, and that it's a normal person. It's alive. It also implies the fact that it's finally feeling something after hurting itself. Like how many like-minded people feel after doing something like that. And once again, it implies that the scarecrow is alive since it has mother nature running through it. Then, it shows how the scarecrow resorts to drinking, stating that it makes him feel numb and unable to fathom anything. But the scarecrow knows. Deep down. The scarecrow knows what it's doing to itself and how unhealthy it is, but it still does it.

2nd Chorus:
The first half is the same, but the second half leads into the spiral, the scarecrow instilling into its brain that it doesn't matter, that nobody cares or even knows it. It gets into this really toxic mindset and how it just doesn't matter. That everything it does doesn't matter and how it's all its own fault that its like this.

Bridge:
It engages in a task that he doesn't even care about anymore, like how most depressed people feel, and with this toxic mindset established in the second chorus, the scarecrow believes that their job doesn't matter. Making its life seem less and less important with every passing day. And he's stuck like this, since the crows know exactly what he's going to do, what's even the point in doing the job? It's full of monotony and leaves the scarecrow to think. And here is the spiral. With every time the word fly is said, an instrument is added. Eventually, becoming an amalgamation of sounds, overstimulation galore and instilling a sense of fear and uncertainty the entire time. The entirety of its pain and suffering is there in the instruments, growing the anxiety of the listener, growing the image of the turmoil the scarecrow is feeling until it all eventually stops. We're left on a cliffhanger on whether the scarecrow got help or went down a much, darker path…

Verse 5:
The song “restarts”, repeating the beginning chords of the song, and the first line. Instead of continuing the first verse, it references it to a harmless pinned butterfly, once again, it's never grounded and constantly in a state irrationality. The third line twists it however, stating that the scarecrow is now all forgiving. confirming that the scarecrow got help instead of going down the darker route. This last line before the outro hits the hardest. “Do you want to die?” It made me cry on my first listen, and it's finally acknowledging the scarecrow's struggles, finally seeing behind the mask it put up, and directly references the listener. Those words hit different when spoken to you, and it shows here, given the singer's slight crack in the vocals here, as if he himself is about to cry when delivering this question.

Outro:
Finally, the outro, and it once again, it states that Joe wonders how he's feeling, eventually devolving into wander. Which references that the singer feels the same as the scarecrow. This also starts to cycle back into feeling depressed and detached. “the wind knows” eventually devolving into “the winos” implying that the scarecrow is resorting to drinking again.

Overall:
The song is a metaphor for depressed people and how they might be struggling with their mental health. The constant references to depression and horrible ways of coping are sprinkled through the song, providing an impactful listen. With the cleverly planned instrumental and the beautiful writing and vocals, it truly is the most memorable song on Good and Evil, and shows just how much can slip by before someone realizes. On the surface, this seems like an innocent song about a scarecrow, but when you look deeper, you realize that you may be just like this scarecrow. Please remember that you are not alone. Please call the hotlines listed here if you are ever thinking of those dark thoughts. Stay safe, Aezra out.

Hotlines: https://scratch.mit.edu/studios/29543068

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Weekly #3

Part 1: Finding a topic

Whenever we write something, usually a story, there's always something that stops us from continuing it. I am, of course, talking about writer's block.

Part 2: Splitting the topic into parts
(to be written)

Part 3: Writing a Workshop
(to be written)

Part 4: Swapping Weeklies with Someone
(to be written)

Daily July 17th

“Mum, Jo and I are heading out now!” Meg called, pulling on her sneakers.
Amy walked to face them. “Meg, where are you going?”
“It doesn’t matter. You can’t come.” Jo interrupted. “Mum!” She yells, “Have you seen my phone? It’s not in my room!”
“You’re going to the movies with Laurie!” Amy yelled, “I know you are because I heard you. You said you’d bring me!”
Jo then looks at her youngest sister. “Amy you’re not old enough to go with them. Mum can take you later.”
Amy stomped her foot. “I am old enough!” She complained.
“Whatever. You can’t come.” Jo said before exclaiming, “Ah! Found my phone!”
Meg turned to Amy. “I’m sorry, Ams. We would take you but you need adult supervision.”
“You and Laurie count!” Amy reasoned.
“Oh, just shut up.” Jo grumbled. “You can’t come and that’s final.”
Amy crossed her arms and stomped away. When she heard the door close, she began to plot. She opened Jo’s door, hoping that her mother wouldn’t hear her and looked around before she found what she needed. Jo’s laptop. She opened it and was delighted to find that Jo hadn’t changed the password since the time she had told Amy it. She typed it in and opened the docs app. She found the document she needed and pressed ‘Permanently delete’. Satisfied, she returned to her room to rest.
***
Amy awoke to Jo’s voice.
“Mum, I’m going to go write on my laptop, okay?”
Amy heard her mother’s faint response and tiptoed quietly to the living room. As she sat down on the couch, she heard a scream.
Jo ran down and exclaimed, “Mum, my book, someone delete the document!” Jo looked at Amy and saw the wicked look in her face.
“Oh you little— Mum, Amy deleted my book!”
Their mother came out and did. “Oh dear, you mean your book that you worked so hard on? Can you recover it from your iCloud?”
“She can’t!” Amy said gleefully, “I removed it from her iCloud too!”
“No!” Jo wailed, “I was going to show it to Father when he got home. Amy, you’re so wicked!”
“Well you wouldn’t let me go to the movies! You deserved it.”
“Amy, you were incredibly naughty. Go to your room instantly.” Their mother said before turning to Jo, “I’m sorry, dear, can we try to fix it?”
Amy glowered. Jo had gotten what she deserved but Amy got in trouble for it. She stomped up to her room and lay on her bed. She’ll get her revenge. Eventually.

429 words

I did the daily!! (I chose A Little Princess)
When Sara entered the classroom the next morning everyone looked at her with wide, curious eyes.
Everyone had heard quite a bit about her- from Lavinia Lambert, thirteen years old, to Lottie Legh, only four, everyone knew about Sara Crewe.
They knew that she was Ms. Minchin’s star student, and that she was considered a great credit to the school. One or two of them had even caught a glimpse of her french housekeeper, Mariette, who had arrived the evening before. Lavinia had managed to steal a look in Sara’s dorm while the door was open and saw Mariette unpacking a suitcase.
“It was full of designer clothes and purses, covered in faux fur,” she whispered to her friend Jessie as she bent over her maths paper. “I saw the housekeeper shaking them out. I even heard Ms. Amelia say that her clothes were so grand they were ridiculous for a kid! My mom says that children should be dressed simply. Look! She has one of those purses with her now! I saw it when she sat down.”
“She even has designer shoes!” whispered Jessie, also bending over her maths. “And look at her feet! I’ve never seen such tiny feet.”
Lavinia scoffed. “That’s only the way her heels are made. My mom says that even big feet can be made to look small with the right shoes. Besides, I don’t think she’s even pretty. Her eyes are too weird.”
“She isn’t pretty the other people are,” Jessie said thoughtfully; “she just makes you want to look at her again.”
Sara herself was sitting quietly in her seat, waiting to be given instructions. She was not embarrassed at all, even, by the way her classmates were looking at her. In fact, she was doing rather the same thing, looking around quietly at her peers. She wondered if they liked Ms. Minchin, and if they liked school at all, and if they had dads as good as hers. She had had a long talk with Emily about her dad that morning.
“He is on the cruise ship now, Emily,” she had said to her. “We must be best friends to each other and tell each other everything. Oh, Emily. You do have the nicest eyes I’ve ever seen, but I really wish you could talk.”

Daily 17:

For today’s daily, you’ll be choosing a classic novel and reimagining it in a contemporary setting. Experiment with how themes, characters, and conflicts from the original story would work in today’s world, while still keeping the central idea the same. Write 300 words for 200 points, and gain an extra 50 points for sharing.

Doing the Bastables

“This is very dull” Alice said, the internet was out and it was very hot out, and therefor, there wasn’t anything for one to do. “Why don’t we play something?” Oswald said. Oswald always had good ideas like that. “Well, what shall we play?” Dicky asked “Perhaps something from a book?” Alice suggested. “Like that one with the wizards? Or the the one with the demi-gods at camp?”
“You mean Percy Jackson?” Oswald said. He was the one who read it first. Oswald read lots of good books. “Yes! We could play capture the flag, like they do!”
“I don’t want to play capture the flag. You use swords and things.” Dora said. “You don’t have to use a sword.” Oswald said “Do we have any swords?” Asked Noel. “Let’s go look” They didn’t, not even in the basement, so they decided to use sticks instead. Expect then H.O. got a splinter in his finger and they had to try and get it out. Oswald managed to get it out with a piece of tape (being smart like that), but then H.O. didn’t want to use a stick anymore, so they got him a squirt gun instead (Dicky suggested giving him the lighter, but Dora said no), and then Dicky and Noel both wanted squirt guns too, so they were given some, but then Dicky wanted his sword back, and Oswald said you can only have one weapon, so Dicky chose a sword. “Do we have enough people?” Alice asked “Well, how many do we need?” Noel asked. “Well, enough people for two teams, and we need someone to guard the flag, and take the flag, and someone to guard the border.”
“I don’t want to be the one to take the flag.” Dora said. “Also, do we even have any flags?” She pointed out. Oswald thought about this, so then they went to go look for some. They managed to find two old ‘Water line here’ and “gasline here” flags that they could use. “Are we going to actually hit each other with sticks?” Asked Dora. “Why of course!” Dicky said. “I’d like some armor then. Don’t they wear it in the books, anyway?” So they went and got themselves armor (which was some kitchen wear), and they established a border, then they split into teams. Oswald, Alice, and Dicky on one team, and Dora, H.O., and Noel on the other. Dora suggested that Noel guarded their flag, but he said he didn’t want to do it, so they had an argument, and then finally convinced him. So they all went off to hide their flags. Oswald was guarding the flag , and Dicky patrolled around while Alice went to try and get the other team’s flag (They had rock paper scissor’d for it, and Alice won). Suddenly, they heard someone coming! And, seeing from afar that it was not Alice, they decided to go whack whoever it was with their swords (sticks). “AHHH! What on earth are you doing?!” Screamed the person, who turned out to be Albert “Did Dora and Noel and H.O. recruit you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“We’re taking you hostage now.” Dicky said. Albert tried to run away, but then they whacked him more and he finally stopped trying to run away. So they kept him hostage, and waited for Alice. Suddenly, Alice came running back with the gas line here flag, and they all cheered (expect for Albert). Dora, H.O., and Noel followed her. “We have your Albert!” Dicky said “What?” Said Dora
“You didn’t recruit Albert?”
“No?”
“Oh.” Oswald and Dicky stared at Albert, who looked very annoyed. “Well, we won.” Oswald said. And Alice and Oswald and Dicky all cheered. Albert did not.

627 words

modern classic retelling
319 words

Dorian Grey is a self-obsessed social media lover who loves to take selfies of himself on trips and holidays, but he has one problem — he doesn't want to age. He wishes he could forever stay as young as he looks now, free of white hairs or wrinkles.

This problem is solved with a photoshoot. Dorian is there with a Lord Henry Wotton, and the photographer is Basil Hallward. They’ve done some photoshoots before, but never with this Henry person before. Dorian wonders why not, for he seems to be so knowledgeable and clever. Henry’s words encourage him to voice his opinions to Basil, wishing he would never age, and only the photo of him would.

Much to his surprise, his wish comes true. He first realises this after a short relationship with an actress he had met, Sibyl. Upon rejecting their relationship after an embarrassing comment made by Henry, he returns home to see the shape of his face on the printed photograph slightly warped, an ugly expression painted over his features.

He hates the way he looks in the photograph. He doesn't look young and beautiful as he usually does. So he decides to try to make amends, in the hope that the photo will revert itself back to its original state. Unfortunately, he is too late.

He then decides that, since his wish has been granted and he is now immortal, he can do anything as he wishes, just as Henry had suggested. In fact, Henry had texted him dozens and hundreds of links to articles and social media threads detailing the wonderful lives people could live by prioritising only their own pleasure.

Years pass, and Basil returns to visit Dorian, who still has not aged a day since the photoshoot. Basil is horrified by what he sees, and tells Dorian to make amends for his mistakes. Dorian doesn't want to do that, so he kills Basil.

anne of green gables but modern or something | july 17 daily
ANNE OF GREEN GABLES MY LOVE <333

i had to replace unsuitable language with BLEH so just heads up

—

“I don’t think you should jump down.” Diana’s voice echoed in the air, worried and fretful.
Anne laughed her best friend’s worries off lightly. “Don’t worry. It’s not like I’m going to BLEH.”
“But you might,” another one of her friends piped up. “It’s a pretty high jump.”
It was. Falling from the top of a three story mansion might hurt after all. Anne didn’t want to BLEH, because she still had a long, long life left and wanted to live through it all, but she also just really wanted to jump.
“Don’t worry,” Anne repeated solemnly. “If I BLEH, Diana, I’ll give you all of my money. And Jane, you can have my… uhhh… plants.” She didn’t have any plants.
Diana didn’t seem satisfied. “I’d rather you just not BLEH.”
“I’m not going to BLEH,” Anne said firmly. “Most likely I’d break all of my bones, and then my moms would get all mad at me.” Her moms would actually be beyond furious, but she decided not to mention it. It wasn’t that important, right?
“Fine. But since I’m your best friend, I’ll try to catch you if you fall,” Diana called up to her. Pleased, Anne cautiously tip-toed towards the edge of the roof. The roof felt rough underneath her bare feet (she probably should have worn shoes, or at least socks), and her dress ruffled in the wind.
She was really high up. The view was astonishing, too. From up here, she could see the whole town (it wasn’t a very big town) and all of the wildlife around it. Colorful flowers lined every pathway, and the buildings were mostly the same, old ones from the 1970’s, with red brick and other stuff.
Diana’s voice drifted up to her again from the ground. “If you’re going to jump, at least do it now, because you’re making all of us worried and stressed for you. Because you’re obviously not worried or stressed, so we’re feeling those things for you.”
Anne smiled, although she knew Diana couldn’t see her. “Yeah, but the view is pretty.”
She could practically hear Diana’s eye roll. “I’ll go call your moms and tell you about where you are if you don’t jump down right this instant,” she said. Diana really sounded like Anne’s moms in that moment, with her lecturing tone and all.
“Fine, fine, fine,” Anne said, grinning good-naturedly. “I’m jumping,” And so she did.


—
403 words

I tried to remember to highlight all the small grammatical changes I made in red, but I may have forgotten some.

Do note that I was super nit-picky for this critiquitaire, not because I didn't like this, or didn't enjoy reading it, but because I didn't have enough actual things to critique on. As a whole, it was well written and a decent read. I would definitely be willing to read a longer version of this story. I really liked the moments of humor, and would like to see a little bit more of those. It doesn't have to turn into a comedy, but more of those moments can go a long way to making the characters feel more alive.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

As the sky tore itself in half with a lightning,

As the sky tore itself in half with lightning, the blinding shine lit up the land just enough for a tall tower to be visible among the darkness.

Choose either “lightning”, or “a lightning bolt”. “a lightning” is grammatically incorrect.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

It was unnaturally tall, and the black bricks were cracked and rotten, but no vines grew on them. In fact, nothing grew in a wide circle around it, leaving a visible space of land. The windows and rooftops were orned with spikes and obscure gargoyles, and ill omen was in the air. The land seemed to shake as another fit of the thunder seized.

This villain tower is comically villainous. If that was your intention, well done. However, the presence of the spikes and gargoyles doesn’t make too much sense to me considering the past of the tower, as revealed later in the story. This version of the tower feels made to be evil, but you should pull back on the more stereotypically villainous details if you want a tower that feels like it’s become evil. Especially if you want to incorporate some foreshadowing.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

{…} The girl didn’t move. The occasional flashes of lightning revealed few daily items, such as a hairbrush, blanket and goblet of water, but most of the room was filled with large clocks, Moth-eaten textiles, suncatchers, and dusty books with many small words and no pictures.

The roar of a dragon interrupted the pattern of thunder and the princess jerked awake, hurriedly pulling down the curtains and laid down on a small sofa for the night.

The roar of a dragon interrupted the pattern of thunder, and the princess jerked awake. She hurriedly pulled down the curtains and laid down on a small sofa for the night.

Some slight grammatical changes splits this sentence at the end of this paragraph and makes it flow better and feel less like I’m about to run out of breath reading the sentence

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

The next morning, the sky was calm and still. The princess ate a small breakfast and stepped out of her room onto a spiral staircase. The stairwell only connected a few of the upper chambers. The way to the bottom was locked shut.
The princess ran lightly up the thin, slippery steps before opening one of the doors on the side and diving into the room.

Small continuity error: She ran UP the stairs? Wasn’t she already on the top floor? And don’t tell me “That was just the top windowed floor” because she looks out the window IN THIS ROOM.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

This room was darker and more massive than the one where she had slept. Having nothing better to do, Princess Everlid had taken a liking for looking through the abandoned trinkets she found in the tower now turned into her prison.

If you’re going to take this long to introduce a character’s name, make it specific, and make it meaningful. Either introduce the character’s name as soon as possible, like- as close to the first sentence that character is introduced in or wait until a big moment where the character’s name means something. In this instance: The end, where she announces her name, what it means, why it’s significant, and the new title she’s adopting. To keep from being repetitive with just “the princess”, use different titles like “The young girl”, “The captive”, or “The spontaneous scholar”. Even if you decide to introduce her name at the beginning, this is still useful to keep from being repetitive. You already do this some, which is good, it improves the readability of the story.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

She breathed deep. The air tasted sweet compared to the musk of the other chambers and her cheeks rejoiced at feeling a streak of wind from the large, barred window. She walked over to the shelves and ran her fingers along the book spines. She picked up a book, walked over to a chair by the window, and glanced out before sitting down.
Outside, beyond the walls of her prison and the desolate land around it, she saw plains and fields and forests, mountains and rivers. She didn’t look to the left. She knew what lived in the mountain range with peaks higher than the clouds. The dragon watched day and night to prevent anyone coming to rescue her from this wretched place. His presence had scared away the people, and she saw deserted settlements as far as the eye could see.
-“At least I won’t get kidnapped from here” said Everlid with a wry smile.

I really like this line, the dry comedy of her attitude toward the situation fit well and humanized the character. Small qualm however: “Everlid muttered with a wry smile” would infer a more thinking out loud atmosphere, rather than a crazed talking to the walls, but perhaps that’s what you’re aiming for, idk.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

The book had that sweet acrid smell that old books have and the pages were torn and yellowed. As the princess skimmed the pages, she noticed it was more an encyclopedia than a reading book, with knowledge about all sorts of plants and animals of distant land. The morning merged into the afternoon and wind was now icy cold, but Everlid didn’t notice. She was captivated by every word and every picture. She was surprised when she suddenly came to the last page.

Ok- but like- why? Is she scholarly? The earlier statement about the small print books with no pictures inferred that the princess was bored with books. Showing that she IS interested in books and such before this scene could work to make it feel more natural. You could also show that she’s struggling to focus on the book because it bores her. It depends on your intention. Do you want her to be excited by the world of the scholarly, or disinterested? Or something in-between? Currently, the contrast between her in the thunderstorm and her here feels like a continuity error, especially considering her remarkable interest in the wizard’s books in the secret room. If she’s not interested in books, there needs to be a clear other reason behind her interest in the secret books.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

Most of the writing was either in runes or riddles, but the bottom line read clearly “say ‘senorim’ and what is meant but hidden shall be revealed”.

The entire book is written in code and riddles, but the key word to access the secret room is in plain English?

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

Her voice shaking, the young girl uttered the word. It seemed ear-splittingly loud, out of place and perilous after the ongoing silence.
She shrank into the armchair, wincing in advance as she waited for some kind of blow or event.
But nothing happened. No sound came. The room remained as unperturbed as it had been for centuries. But as she went back to her book, she saw a splash of green on the windowsill. A small green leaf was peering out of the cracks. This might seem like a normal, unimportant scenario for anybody, but the princess was ecstatic. So far nothing grew in or around the towers, and this was the first plant she touched in weeks. Not only that, but this seedling seemed to be growing at an alarming rate, unrolling new leaves and stretching out its shooting stems at the stone work. It grew and crawled along the wall before forming into the shape of a rectangle, or rather, a door. The stone split and the door opened.
Her heart thumping so loud that she could hear it, Everlid stepped into the door. On the other side was a small room, with a small window and piles and piles of books. The books were thicker, dustier, and most of them had symbols she couldn't read. Besides books, all she found was a conical pointed hat, a surprisingly well-preserved cloak, a small wooden staff and, surprisingly, a giant sword. The sword was still in its scabbard and when Princess Everlid unsheathed it, she found it had no rust, and the edge sharp enough to cut her hair.
“How did they let this stay here?” she whispered softly, holding the blade in awe. Then it dawned on her. Her captors hadn’t figured out the existence of this secret room.

I love the feeling that there’s so much more to this story. Who are her captors? We know the dragon is there protecting the tower, but the use of plural, and the idea they swept the tower room by room infers a group of people that initially kidnapped the princess, then told the dragon to stand guard, but we never meet or elaborate upon this group within this short story. Very cool.
This means everything here was still untouched by them. A smirk spread over her face. This could prove useful.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

Over the next few days, the princess spent all her time in the secret rooms, reading and studying the manuscripts. Her eyes widened at what she learned. For long ago, a wizard with powers scary to think had governed over this tower and lands surrounding it. But one day messengers approached his door and the countryfolk saw him mount in a hurry and gallop away south, never to be seen again. That day the white bricks of the tower turned black, doors shut themselves and things around slowly died away. The wizard left his staff, cloak, hat, and sword behind with a collection of books containing all his knowledge.
She got used to wearing the cloak and hat. The staff, which she originally thought was inhumanly heavy, was now liftable to her.
Meanwhile, for lands stretching leagues in all four ways, gossip and talk was spreading like wildfire. For the first time in weeks the wind blew from the direction of the tower. Could it be that the time of the end for the dragon had finally come? Knights from lands near and far polished their armour and trained their stallions to ride into battle and obtain the handsome princess. Poets and bards sung ballads of the princess that only the most valorous can conquer.

But the dragon didn’t sleep either. For it smelt the change in the air around the tower, and now flew around it three times daily, and his fiery breath burned all nearby forests. Yet something didn’t feel right with everyone

Seven months had passed since the day of the finding of the secret room. Many noble knights had tried to get through the dragon’s defense, but all perished in the smoldering fire before the battle had even begun. Everlid was no longer heard singing from her upper window and no birds gathered to greet her in the morning. Tension hung in the air, and one day it burst.
As the dragon crawled out of its cave, an army approached.

Keep your tense consistent. Pick either past or present tense and stick to it as consistently as possible.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

Banners flattered in the open wind, armour glinted in the early morning sun. A great battle was coming. The princess would be taken.
His claws curling with hatred, the dragon stared down at the marching men. It would certainly be a bloody battle, and many would fall, but his victory was not yet set in stone. He hissed and lunged down from the clifftop, producing such screams as the trees and earth had never heard before. But bows twanged and arrows hissed around his head
“I’ll kill the girl, and then these standing worms will have no choice but to retreat.” hissed the vile creature and spread its wings speeding up towards the tower.

The way this is phrased makes it sound like he’s talking to himself, but the commander yelled as if the dragon had boasted it to him directly.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

“No you won’t!” yelled the commander of men. “She is mine! She was promised to me as a bride and I will not let you take her!”
Then a deafening crack was heard. In the middle of the chaos all things on earth seemed to stop, leaving a brief moment of complete silence and stillness. The roughly patched up brick wall, made by her captors to prevent their captor from getting onto the balcony, was now shattered. A woman stood there, tall and terrifying.

Simply say “there” instead of “on the balcony” to prevent awkward repetition

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

Her blonde hair had turned bright white, a pointed hat was on her brow, and a long, burnt orange cloak trailed in the wind behind her. In one hand she bore a tall wooden staff, in the other, stretched high above her head, held a massive sword, almost her size.
“The princess!” whispered the crowd of men. “She’s even more gorgeous than we thought. We’ll fight for her!”
But the woman’s face twisted at the words. Her voice rang out, so loud that it was heard even in distant lands.
“I am no princess anymore. I shall not sit in towers and in courts learning to smile and to sew. Everlid is my name, boar slayer it means. And I shall slay all that comes in my way like pigs before a feast. For I am now Everlid the Stormcaller, next ruler of this tower of Tiranel, the next of the great wizards. And a storm I now call on you, run!”

I really like this speech. It’s dramatic and her eloquency shows that she really did used to be a princess. Except for that last sentence. It felt a little awkward and tacked on. Maybe add a reason for this calling of the storm, other than her title. They’re trying to save her; this seems like a bit of an unsubstantiated overreaction. Perhaps something along the lines of “I will not allow you to throw me into my previous life. I am not in need of saving” or something, idk.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

She shouted out the last words and a crack of thunder echoed in the distance. The men turned and ran for their lives, horses reared. The commander cursed and whipped his stallion, but the perfectly trained horse bucked and threw him into the dirt. All bridles and saddles turned to dust and the pack of now wild horses ran madly into the woods. Soon, the valley was almost empty. Almost.
For the dragon stayed in the field, rage overflowing from him, digging the earth with his tail.
“She shall perish.” he kept hissing.
“Come and fight me, worm, if you dare.” called Everlid to the dragon. The dragon, ready, took flight and went straight for the balcony ready to scorch it in his fire. But Everlid raised her staff, and such powerful rain beat down from the sky that the fire was quenched, never to be relit again. But the dragon was not done. He landed on the balcony and reached with his horrid claws and sharp teeth. Everlid waved the giant sword like a table knife, blocking blow after blow and throwing stroke after stroke. More than once did the dragon’s blood run over the stone walls, and more than once did his claws managed to reach the wizard’s skin. But the wounds were mild, and the fight went on in the raging storm. The balcony could only hold so much, however, and as the dragon pounced and lunged the stonework creaked, until it all collapsed at once, leaving only a few bricks where the woman stood.
The dragon beat its wings desperately, but a stroke of lightning tore the sky into pieces, and the sword shone blindingly under the pale light.

I like the way you sandwiched the story between two uses of the same metaphor. It really gives it that full-circle feel and highlights the princess’ growth in the story. However, this metaphor in particular feels unimportant and inconsequential for this purpose, so it feels more like you’re repeating yourself because you ran out of ideas rather than an intentional literary choice. Perhaps if you showed an apprehension or some kind of emotion rather than an indifference at the beginning of the story, it would be more impactful.

Decora-Lizeus wrote:

With a full stroke the beast’s head flew off, and the body crashed down, catching fire as it went and burning to a small pile of ashes before reaching the ground.
“Time for a new era.” whispered Everlid the Stormcaller as she walked into the tower.

*applause* Very nice short story! It leaves a lot of questions to the imagination of the reader, which I really like. Again, I'm sorry if I came off as a little too critical or negative during this.. This was a really fun read overall and I would love to see what becomes of Everlid the stormcaller.

Critique for @CleverComment

Hey Clev! First off, I absolutely love the idea behind this - it's funny, relatable and very relevant and I love how you've made such a great piece about something relatively normal. I'll suggest some things, but this is great as it is anyway and all suggestions are just my opinion of course!

My first piece of feedback might be a bit weird, and is just my personal perception, so no need to change it, but I read the first line and my mind jumped straight to a bald 60-year-old man lying in a bed. I think for me, the name Steven is associated with that age, and I was kind of surprised when he was 24 and found it hard to picture him as young! That might just be the people I know and where I live (and it's a nightmare changing a character's name, I know haha), but just something to consider.

I love how relatable it all seems, and very realistic and human. For example, when he exclaims, you can really feel the emotion without you having to go into depth about it, which is really nice to see. Also the mention of scrolling and apps, and even the detail of the cracked phone screen really adds to the mood and how well I can picture the scene - which I felt like I could, without there being a big description.

I think it might be worth having a think about the structure and paragraphing - obviously, it can be a stylistic and effective choice to have all short paragraphs, but it might serve you well to combine a couple into slightly longer ones, just so that those you choose to be shorter are emphasised more. Another stylistic thing is you use a lot of semicolons, which isn't a problem, of course, but it's good to be aware of things like that. I don't know if in certain places it felt a few too many when there was almost one every other sentence?

I love the emotion that is weaved in very subtly, almost like the reader can feel it just as much as Steven. The rhetorical questions are absolutely perfect, and not overused. I also like when the thoughts are italicised, but was wondering if one of both of ‘Was this the chance? Could he finally find love?’ should be too to keep the consistency, unless it is purposefully the narrator asking the questions rather than Steven's thoughts. I personally might italicise ‘could he finally find love?’ just to add to the emotional journey.

I do think Steven as a character is relatable, and I know its only a short opening, but I'm struggling to really find any aspect of his character other than the fact he wants a girlfriend, and he therefore comes across as a bit shallow and even unlikeable, such as when he ‘smirked’. I don't know what you're aiming for, but for me, I would like a bit of a character beyond this one motivation, as I feel like I am invested in him finding a girlfriend, but not him as a character.

His reaction at the end is great, and as with the rest of the piece, I love how you don't overexplain the emotion, and leave a lot of it to the reader (which is easy because of how relatable you've made it).
I can't decide what I think about the ending, as I do like the pun and it ties it up quite nicely, however, I don't really know if it makes sense in a way? I can't really explain it (sorry!) but it feels maybe a bit rushed, or just unrelated to the rest of it. But then on the other hand, it adds to the mood and feels relatable again. So I guess just have a think, but it does already work as it is!

Thank you for letting me read and critique this, I loved it and it is written so well <3

Critiquare

Ok, so before i start, please do not take offense in everything i'm writing because i low-key just need words not trying to pick out every mistake TWT SWOWY *cute huggy pleading noises*

When Rachel started trying to get Matthew to date her, we had to do something. Rachel, Matthew and I had been friends since we were born, our moms had been best friends in high school and ever since.

Firstly, from a readers perspective i found this opening kinda confusing. when you're writing an intro, it should be interesting and hook the reader, but still make sense. the line ‘when rachel started trying to get matthew to date her’ drops names and starts in first person without giving much context, so i wasn’t sure who was who or what their relationship really was. maybe starting with something like ‘rachel’s trying to get matthew to date her, so me and matthew had to make a plan’ would make it clearer and easier to follow. it sets things up faster and feels more direct.

Secondly, it dives into the background story too fast. Honestly, just putting the second sentence ‘Rachel, Matthew and I had been friends since we were born, our moms had been best friends in high school and ever since.’ on a new line to make it clearer it dives into a different story so in a whole the start would be more like this:

Rachel’s trying to get Matthew to date her, so me and Matthew had to make a plan.

Rachel, Matthew and I had been friends since we were born ; or and our moms had been best friends in high school and ever since.

We did everything together and shared everything with each other. It was really nice, until Rachel hit puberty. Rachel had a new crush on a different boy practically every day, until one day, it was Matthew.

This bit feels a bit too rushed. As in you could've elaborated more on their friendship. Talk more about perhaps where they like to hang out together, or just a little bit more of them. Furthermore, instead of saying ‘It was really nice, until Rachel hit puberty.’ This sort of gives the wrong idea because in reality, it's not always puberty that causes that sort of behaviour. Its influence, media, and yes, it is a little bit of the hormones but thats not always the main catalyst. Saying it's puberty seems a bit too outright and sort of like labelled. Maybe it is puberty, but maybe she's been getting more into social media, wearing more makeup. It should be other changes, not just ‘boys’.

Matthew didn't want to date Rachel because he didn't feel ready to date then and was afraid that Rachel and him would lose touch, but Rachel kept pushing and eventually Matthew broke. They started dating, but Matthew never wanted to in the first place so it wasn't too long before it got bad.

I love this part but it feels again a bit rushed, it needs a bit more elaboration. Like the first sentence to be split into to longer sentences, the first about Matthew not wanting to date Rachel, the second about how Rachel kept pushing. Maybe talk more about feelings of both the narrator and Matthew.

General overview:

Ok so mainly, it's just that the first verse feels very rushed. It's not elaborated enough and doesnt have much depth. Romance thrives in feelings, emotions, elaboration, and yeah, dragging it a bit is better than it being shorter. You have a great plot, i just don't think you managed to execute it that well. Also, the last verse isn't necessarily /rushed/ it's just a bit (how to explain). I think in terms of the form, the paragraph could be seperated a bit more for organisation. Omg can i just say that i LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOOOOVEEEDDDDD the poem at the end so no complaints there.

Weekly #3 total 2167/1500 words

Part 1: Finding a topic
201/200 words

I have recently discovered an interest in poetry, and would like to use this weekly to explore it in its different forms and purposes. This may be in terms of subject matter - as poetry can be everything from a stream of memory to an extended metaphor to a dramatic monologue and everything in between. And also having a focus on different ways to write it, including well-known poetic and structural forms. I would also like to use it to explore forms and rhyming, in both standard and non-standard ways. I think writing poetry is a really good way to develop skills and also stylistic awareness, as structure, form, punctuation and general techniques become more obvious in poetry, and it’s a really fun way to express ideas without necessarily coming up with characters, settings etc. I know there are many types of poems from all over the world, and it is really fun to try different types, even if they don’t fit your normal style. My weekly will be about discovering (including a bit of research if you don’t know many different types) different styles and types of poetry, and then using these as inspiration to find your own style and interests.

Part 2: Splitting the topic into parts
325/150 words

Part 1: For the first part of this of course very fun weekly, research 3 distinct styles of poetry - this could be a haiku, sonnet, or even acrostic - if you are someone who writes poetry, maybe try to stay away from free verse for this bit. Make a note of what is characteristic of these types of poetry, and then find and read a couple! Make note of what you found effective and what inspired you. 200 words for this.

Part 2: Now that you know a bit more about the structures of poetry, it’s time to think about rhyming. Of course, not all poems rhyme, but it’s fun to try! Choose a rhyme scheme, whether thats couplets, ABAB or anything else. Try to use this as a word sprint - don’t worry too much about it making sense, or using metaphors - this is purely to get into your form. If you would prefer, complete 2 or 3 different poems with any rhyme scheme you want (as long as there is a good amount of rhyming and they total 200 words!) and enjoy!

Part 3: Now you have structure and form under your belt, it’s time to start thinking about content. Poetry can be about anything really, so brainstorm some ideas! It can be reciting a favourite memory, an ode to someone you love/admire, a description of nature, an extended metaphor… the possibilities are endless! Choose at least one thing from your life and then one more abstract concept and brainstorm some ideas about how these could link to form, structure, and other words, phrases and imagery - brainstorm for at least 200 words. You can use my workshop below to help you in this stage.

Part 4: Finally, it’s time to get writing! Choose whichever idea sparked something in you and write a poem of at least 200 words! Try to challenge yourself by writing in either a specific structure or using a consistent rhyme scheme, or even both. With poetry, don’t be too harsh on yourself as it’s hard to get perfect, but enjoy!


Part 3: Creating a workshop
680/350 words

How to brainstorm poetry ideas.

Hi there, and welcome to this workshop on how to come up with poetry ideas!
It’s all very well sitting down and thinking, ‘I want to write a poem today’. But in reality, it is often very difficult to decide what to write about - you want to sound poetic but not too poetic, and it’s often hard to choose a specific focus that you dive into and expand.

My first technique is using existing things from your life, which obviously you know a lot about, and also makes it a relatable (and often emotional) read. So, things you can use to inspire you:

A person in your life, be that friend, family or other, someone from your past or even someone you hope to meet in the future. It could be positive or negative, maybe about a friend you drifted away from.
Your dreams for the future or your regrets from the past - almost like a letter to another version of you.
Your favourite place, whether that’s in nature on in your bed, there’s emotions and senses connected.
Something you are passionate about - a sport, hobby, or club. Write about your love for it, or letting go of it, or how it brings you joy and stress at the same time, or who you would be without it.
Write about a big change in your life. This could be moving house, leaving school, or anything big or small.
If you’re feeling brave, write about your fears: the ones people don’t know about. Write about all the emotions that are so hard to discuss.
Any memory or object that has special meaning. Something in your room. A collage of photos or stuffed animal or pen that carried you through school and exams and writing. Anything, no matter how boring it seems, can be made into something interesting.

I hope that has given you some ideas, but if not, don’t fret - I still have some more brainstorm suggestions! This one is if you’re going for more of an abstract or metaphorical poem!

First, choose a common theme. This could include time, memory, grief, joy, freedom, growing up… The possibilities are endless, but choose something that resonates with you.
Now, choose something in real life that links to this. For example, I wrote 2 poems about time, one which I used the sea as a metaphor, and the other was about blinking and the eye. It can be as simple or random as you want.
Finally, come up with some images that link them both! More on this in my final suggestion.

The last part to this workshop is about starting to bring your poem together - you have an idea now, hopefully, and you’ve now got to figure out how to put it into an actual poem. Well, this is the fun part!
What I like to do is come up with words, phrases, metaphors and so on, and compile a list. Then, when I write my poem, it feels a lot less overwhelming, and just like I am choosing an order. There are many ways to come up with these, and everyone’s brain works differently. I suggest just thinking and writing down whatever comes to your mind, no matter how simple it seems.

However, if you are really stuck, my final tip is first, to write and type down whatever thoughts you have about the poem. Literally transcribe your thoughts, including uncertainties and questions. See if that sparks any more ideas. Then you can, if you want, put this into ai and ask for some words/phrases/metaphors/fragments. Of course, I don’t actually use these in your poems, but you can use a couple to springboard other ideas or use certain words that you get suggested. AI is a powerful tool which should now be used to replace your writing, but it can be used carefully to assist you.

Well, that’s the end of my workshop for brainstorming poetry ideas! Hopefully, that has helped you to come up with some ideas of your own. Happy writing!


Part 4 - Swapping weeklies (with Rose, about historical fiction, which was really interesting to write about, thank you!)
930/800 words



Part 1: research
237/200 words

Rural England, 1210
The country is divided in a feudal system, with most of the population being peasants. These were split into freemen, cottars and villeins (which most peasants were). They lived in small villages and farmed for many hours a day. They utilised strip farming, so each villein was responsible for one part of the land. They had to do their service, in return for land. In their villages, as in the rest of the country, religion was extremely important and central to life. What many of the peasants really wanted though, was freedom - life in towns was so much better than in villages. There, you could join a town guild and earn money for yourself, and enjoy the freedoms of annual fairs. Whilst most of the population was made up of peasants, there were other types of people. Knights had to complete service for 40 days, as well as guarding his lord’s castle. Barons owned lots of land, and included clergymen who were very influential to the king. The barons had a desire for a fairer society under King John, who raised harsh taxes and used arbitrary power, punishing his enemies for little reason - he also lost lands in Normandy. The barons, therefore, pushed for the Magna Carta to be signed, to ensure a fairer society. This only came about in 1216, after John had died and his 9-year-old son Henry III came into power.

Part 2: comparing timelines
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London, 1665, apothecary

The apothecary gets up early, starting to grind herbs for pomanders to ward off the Great Plague that is spreading through London. Looking outside their window, they would see red crosses on doors. They would then open their shop, selling mint, rosemary, nutmeg, possible ‘plague water’ (a fake cure). They would tell people to pray and sell them pomanders to ward off miasma (bad air believed to cause disease). Perhaps they would pluck a feather from a chicken and tell them to use that to pop the buboes, or tell them to rub onions on themselves. They would close their shop and hope that they hadn’t caught the plague.


London, 1655, apothecary.

The apothecary gets up and opens the shop, selling basic herbal remedies. Maybe they would sort through new deliveries of exotic spices from the ‘new world’ (South America) such as nutmeg, barks or colourful flowers, or read through new medical textbooks and journals which uprooted a lot of their knowledge. However, they are only an apothecary so do not have much knowledge outside of herbal remedies. They don’t have a plague to deal with, so business is slow and London is safe and relatively happy. They close their shop, have a meal and go to sleep, and prepare to repeat the day tomorrow.


Part 3: Different perspectives
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The Ho Chi Minh trail, Vietnam, 1965

American soldier:

I look down from my plane, watching the winding trail through the thick jungle. The supplies being carried along it are not to keep soldiers alive; they are to fuel communism. If we stop the trail, we can save Vietnam from the communist devils, and so, save the world from a domino effect. I nod to myself, knowing that I am helping to save the world from one of its biggest threats ever. I press the button and continue Operation Rolling Thunder, as I have been doing for the past month. Yet, the communists keep on coming. They just rebuild like ants. They must be stopped.

Vietcong soldier:

I carry the box above my head, sweating slightly in the jungle’s humidity. We are in the middle of it now, diverting the trail that the Americans so desperately want to destroy. I carry rice, ammunition, and hope - the Americans cannot stop us. They do not know the jungle or the villagers, and no matter how many times they bomb us, we come back just as strong as before. It’s only a road, which is easy to repair and rebuild. The Americans were foolish to get involved in this conflict in the first place, and all their technology is useless when faced with our organisation and resilience. We will triumph.

Part 4: tying it all together
213/200 words

Paris, 1789 - The French Revolution.

In France, society was split into 3 estates based on class and wealth - almost everyone was in the 3rd estate and were treated unfairly, taxed heavily and not listened to. The King - Louis XVI - and queen - Marie Antoinette - spent money frugally, and so the country was in a lot of debt. This sparked lots of anger throughout the country.
My character is a young man, an apprentice blacksmith in Paris. He is poor and trying to earn enough to live, whilst trying to support his sick mother. He is part of a group who has been talking about making a change in society, as they believe it is unfair. He is deeply concerned with justice and freedom, and believes that the current system is unjust. He is angry, but inspired by the talks he hears in cafes and streets - about liberty, equality, revolution. He is tired of injustice.
He has heard about the plans to storm the Bastille, and so works late at night in the workshop to fashion a weapon. He will then join the mass of angry people in storming the Bastille, eventually leading to the fall of the French monarchy. He believes in a better world and is not afraid to act to achieve it.

Weekly 3 ⟢ 1842/1500 words - Creating a Weekly

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1┆Finding a Topic ⟢ 202/200 words
So… My idea for this weekly will be about delivering tone in your writing! I think this is important because your writing tone can really add to your plot or character dialogue and this can help you express unsaid things to your readers better. This is necessary and incredibly useful in any situation— Sarcastic texts, polite e-mails, enthusiastic narrators, or simply to build suspense… See what I did there? As well as being a little overlooked, everything from the way you stylise your writing to the exclamation mark here or there can distinguish and expand your own personal writing style. Learning about tone will help you make your writing flow better, develop your characters more and make an impact on the impression of your writing on your readers.

Communication is key, so in this weekly, I’ll try to cover why setting a tone in writing is important, ways to implement a tone when writing (for example, punctuation or word choice), different tones you can implement, and incorporating tones into your writing to exaggerate your character’s feelings or make the narrator feel more tailored to the audience. Who knows, maybe I’ll also get out my secret stash of tone-tags. /silly /mj /sarc /lh

2┆Splitting The Topic Into Parts ⟢ 407/150 words

Introduction
Hi everybody! It’s time to switch-up your style and ‘talk’ in all sorts of ways… In this weekly, you’ll be writing in lots of tones and styles, implementing different personalities, brainstorming different tones you can use, and more! This may seem a little unnecessary… so get ready for lots of boringness! /j

Why Applying Tone is Important
Tone is good and all… but is it really that important? Yes! Tone helps bring personality to your writing, expand understanding of your characters and let you audience know what they want to know in a way they will find interesting, appropriate or amusing. Without suitable or distinguishable tone, your audience will feel bored. There are so many reasons, so for the first part of this weekly, write 200 words on why applying tone to your work is important.

Ways Tone can be Implemented
There are lots of different ways to convey emotion and meaning through your tone. For the second part of this weekly, take a look at this workshop and write 200 words (split into 50 words per section) of a story focusing on different ways you can create your desired tone while writing!

Tone & Writing Style
The tone of your writing is very similar to your writing style. However, tone is just an element of how you write: your writing style can affect your tone. While I can’t teach you how to, well, write, I can help you discover your usual writing tone! Go back to an old daily or writing piece and critique 200 words of your own work, focusing mainly on the tone of your writing and how it’s affected by your writing style. (For example, using lots of exclamation marks and positive expressions can create an enthusiastic tone.)

Using Different Tones in your Writing
Finally, it’s time to use your new knowledge and apply it to your writing! For the fourth part of this weekly, write a short excerpt of at least 200 words, portraying a new tone every paragraph!

Conclusion
Congrats! You’ve made your way to the end of this weekly— well done! Just for clarification, you need to have:
- Written 200 words on why tone is important in writing
- Written 200 words on ways tone can be implemented (split into 50 words per section)
- Written 200 words critiquing some of your past work, focusing on tone
- Written 200 words changing your tone every paragraph.

Thank you!

3┆Writing A Workshop ⟢ 353/350 words

Ways To Deliver Tone in your Writing

Introduction: Hi and welcome! Today we’re going to take a deep dive into a familiar topic and go over different ways you can deliver tones in your writing! After familiarising yourself with different techniques, we’ll be trying to put them on paper and use these to polish up your skills, as well. I’m this weekly, I’ll be covering four options: word choice, punctuation, sentence structure and character emotions. These can all build towards creating your desired tone.

Word Choice: When writing, word choice is key to communicating the mood. If you want to create a formal tone when e-mailing a superior, you would choose phrases such as ‘Apologies for any inconvenience’ rather than ‘Sorry’. When writing inner dialogue, try using words the character would say, such as ‘Interesting’ or ‘Lame’. Pay attention to connotations (feelings a word could imply in addition to its dictionary meaning): for example, if you want to create a positive tone while describing someone, you would use ‘sociable’ but if you want to create a negative tone, you would use ‘chatterbox’ because while this means talkative and sociable, it also implies self-importance and lack of care. Furthermore, think about how your words read. If you want to make an old professor drone on about boring things, use uncommon words people will zone out to. If you want to make your teacher ‘down-to-earth’ and ‘like the students’ use slang that will keep your work engaging and funny.

Punctuation: Be precise and careful with where you put your punctuation. Think about the situation and character and what would suit them when saying a sentence. If they were nervous, would, they use lots of commas, adding on to what they’re saying, and rushing through it, like this? If they’re confident, they would use obvious full stops and clear diction. If they were friendly, they could use brackets (to make things seem more personal) and exclamation marks, for excitement! Dashes and semicolons and create a matter of fact tone - if you use them correctly - and, finally; ellipses are,the best at creating tension… and suspense…

3┆ Swapping Weeklies With Someone ⟢ 880/800 words

Goal-Setting - 209/200 words
1) Finish this weekly in time and reach a goal 2) Claim the points for my cabin and do the next daily so I can claim more points for my cabin because I’m definitely not competitive 3) Add the words from all this point-claiming 4) Polish up my writing comp entry and don’t read polish as Polish as in Poland when it’s polish as in sparkle and shine 5) Start my fan-fiction entry 6) Do Chocolate’s critique while writing this to raise the word count 7) Do Starrii’s critique 8) Sign-up for a word war 9) Finish a personal project I’ve been working on 10) Go on two walks in one day 11) Learn well in the following school year 12) Enjoy the small things 13) Be kinder 14) Learn a piano piece off by heart 15) Write this as fast as I possibly can 16) Watch all the marvel movies 17) Make my plans with friends actually happen 18) Practice piano 19) Take up a new hobby 20) Finish the next weekly without speed-running 21) write 600 words in less than 20 minutes and submit my weekly and believe in the impossible 22) write seven more words at least to hit the word goal

Plotting a Course - 251/200 words
I’m choosing number 21 because the irony of writing a weekly for the weekly can happen so can the irony of hitting a goal by writing about hitting said goal. Writing 600 words in less than 20 minutes may seem hard but there’s also formatting, word adding and lots of tier things to do that I can’t think of right now. To break down my goal, I’ll split my writing into four parts of 200 words because that’s what I’m supposed to do anyway. After I write these two hundred, I’ll have 400 words to do in 10 minutes which will make me panic so i’m going to pick up the pace and ditch grammar IM SORRY GRAMMAR! The mission to submit my weekly will result in point double checking, word double checking and link double checking. describing what i’m going to do makes me feel a lot more prepared and ready to do this goal and writing these words also make me feel happy to hit the goals slash required word count. i think that this is a good goal because it teaches me how to not crack under pressure and it teaches me to not procrastinate though i probably have ‘learnt’ that lesson 100000 times. like last session where i crammed for the weekly and submitted it in the nick of time only to see that there was a one hour extension . I believe in the impossible a lot because i’m a delusional infp-t who likes to manifest

Getting to Work - 216/200 words
I’m choosing the Pansters technique of not holding back and writing directly into the word count because I need speed, See, I can’t really write about how it went because it’s going write now but UGH i wrote write not right and i’m not bothered to change it because my wpm is hitting the sky ANYWAH see what i’m doing right now i’m not joking nwck im writing whatever is crossing my mind im doing the cabins ar fifty headed hydra thing at this point and not holding bsck is really helping !! earlier if i had held back and tried to finish my workshop ( heartbroken emoji) that would’ve ended in disaster so im teas that i did that unknowingly, anyway i can’t believe this isn’t 200 words yet so im going to keep going and persevering because maybe this can actually happen wait i covered that delusional part right yes yes i did anyway i have seven minutes for 40p words can i nah maybe sure but then i wont get the satisfying feeling of finishing my workshop that i started saying there would be four parts but ended up only doing two because i tracked the word goal and i needed to HUSTLE poor wild im completing wilds weekly so badly im sorry

Onwards - 204/200 words
to me

okay fun fact my writing comp entry was going ti be called inwards oh you don’t care alright whatever uh so this has worked out well for me because i really liked this weekly and i think i actually need it and maybe one time when im not stressing my head off ill go back to this weekly and re do it properly and actually get work done so thank you and anyway what else it is DEIFNTIELT helping. me reach my goal of finding the weekly (yes, completing the weekly is helping me reaching my goal of completing this weekly WOWW) but definitely NOT helping me reaching my non existed goals of being an accurate typer, not getting any spellings wrongs, using correct grammar, not stressing, not getting hand cramps and actually being sane BUT SERIOSULY GOTTA HUSTLE wait i just realised this was supposed to be a letter hang on let me change slash edit something. anyway me by this point you will have submitted the weekly totally yeah anyway let’s s
hrurty cause these three last minutes just got real come on you can do this elly you can you got these eat those motivational mangoes YESS
bye
elly

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3000 points