Discuss Scratch

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Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Part 1: Trope Pros and Cons (450 words)

— — — —

prepare for my excessively long rant about overrated tropes, i’ve been waiting months for something like this.

— — — —

enemies (or rivals) to lovers: many of the positive things i hear about this trope are attributed to getting to know someone and seeing past the worst parts of them. i personally despise this trope and i find it really problematic, especially thinking about it in a real life context. to go from hating someone to falling in love with them is just plain weird, especially if they were a bully or worse. rivals to lovers is slightly more tolerable, but i still can’t imagine falling for someone that you try to beat in any possible scenario.

(97 words)

— — — —

love at first sight: most people who defend this trope are people who believe in fate and soulmates. while it’s a nice concept, i hate the idea of love at first sight because it bases an entire relationship off of physical attraction. as an ace person, it’s honestly terrifying to think of being wanted only because i’m perceived as “hot” but no relation to who i am as a person. it drives unrealistic expectations of romance and will only pressure people to change their appearance for others.

(87 words)

— — — —

stem to humanities: this is a pipeline i see a lot in fiction (a prime example being the high school musical trilogy). most of the time, a character has been “forced” into stem, but they really crave the creativity of the arts. i went through the opposite arc and my performing arts class was an extremely toxic environment. to perceive science as something undesirable is just plain wrong.

(68 words)

— — — —

not like other girls (yes, it’s a trope): can confirm i am exactly like other girls! i often see the main character attempting to be “different” from others, or claiming to be misunderstood just because they wear black and don’t listen to taylor swift as often as i do. news flash, there are a million other people who are desperate to be alternative, it is not just you! this trope is insanely overrated and it always shocks me that people like this exist in real life.

(86 words)

— — — —

friends to lovers: a trope i actually like! most people seem to despise this one and trade it out for enemies to lovers, but i love friends to lovers! the fact that i could get to know someone to such a deep degree and then fall for them is honestly really beautiful. i can’t imagine being with anyone i don’t know that well (then again, i am demispec, so maybe i’m a bit biased). truthfully, attraction at first sight doesn’t guarantee truly knowing every side of the person. friends to lovers is perfect because you’ve already seen the best and worst parts of them, and you love them for all of it.

(112 words)

— — — —

Part 2: Favorite Trope (438 words)

— — — —

i had to do friends to lovers for this one, as i mentioned before it’s my favorite trope. enjoy this letter about someone i’ve wanted to confess to for a while, no names for obvious reasons :’)

— — — —

dear friend,

it’s hard for me to put this into words, but i’ve thought about you as more than a friend for a while. i know that it’s nearly impossible for you to ever feel the same way, which is why i haven’t said it to your face. truthfully, though, i haven’t been able to get rid of my feelings, no matter how hard i try.

to go through this many ups and downs and still have you in my life is an achievement that i never would have thought i could obtain. maybe that’s where everything started for me, around a year ago. i wasn’t subconsciously aware of how i felt because other people had taken the more romantic place in my life. now, though, i’ve reflected, and it has always been you.

i want you to know that you have grown to be one of my favorite people, even though i haven’t known you for that long. i miss you when we aren’t talking, even though we talk rather frequently. i know that there’s no guarantee i’ll ever work up the nerve to speak these words to you, and i doubt that you will ever read them, but i mean them all the same.

you are truly a beautiful person; there’s really no other way to put it. i do not speak this deeply with you. i do not publicly share my admiration and love for you. i keep it to myself, smiling every time i remember that you are still a part of my life. i don’t even know if you think of me as highly as i think of you, yet i will never regret doing everything in my power to raise you as high as possible - because you deserve it, you always have.

thank you for seeing the light in me when i couldn’t see it in myself. thank you for giving me the motivation to make it to today. you have no idea how much you have done for me. i could go on and on for years, and i’d still barely scratch the surface of how much you mean to me. i can’t imagine feeling this way about someone i’ve just met. being your friend has unraveled a million beautiful invisible strings that i am still tracing, even months later.

it is true that it is impossible for you to ever feel the same way. still, i do not regret writing this for you. regardless of whether you feel anything romantically, you’re still one of the most incredible people i’ve ever known, and i love you forever.

yours truly,
ivory

— — — —

Part 3: Unique Twist (503 words)

— — — —

for this part, i decided to take the love triangle from keeper of the lost cities and put a twist on it (because if i’m being honest, i never liked either of the people that sophie ended up with, although keefe is definitely better than fitz). this would ideally start right after the confession scene in book 7 (flashback).

— — — —

fitz stared at sophie, who took a step back. “what do you mean, you… don’t feel the same?” fitz whispered, his face turning pale. “we’re cognates, sophie. i thought… i thought we had something special.”

sophie gazed into his teal eyes, nearly giving in to the temptation, yet eventually pulling her gaze away. “i… i’m sorry,” she breathed, scared to face fitz again. “i’m sorry… but there’s someone else.”

fitz tilted his head to the sky, lost in thought. suddenly, he snapped back, glaring at sophie. “it’s keefe, isn’t it.” it was a statement, not a question. “you’re in love with keefe. i should have seen the signs.”

sophie didn’t correct him, swallowing down the name of the person on her mind. all she did was turn away. “i hope you find someone who can truly love you, you heartless creature,” she spat, muttering those last three words under her breath before exiting the forest. once outside, she knew what she had to do. she decided to see keefe first, before initiating her confession. keefe would understand; he had to. after all, they were best friends. still, sophie wasn’t sure how fitz could have made the assumption that keefe was the one she was in love with. did keefe… have a crush on her? had she been missing that all this time?

sophie’s feet took her back to her own house, and she decided to ask one of her parents for advice before seeing keefe. she never got that far, though; keefe was standing by the front door, clearly awaiting her return. “hey, foster,” he said, his lips pulling up into his usual trademark smirk. “looking for me?”

sophie sighed. clearly, now was the right time. “i was, actually,” she responded. “i just rejected fitz.”

keefe gaped at her. “no way! you rejected your precious cognate? i’m so proud of you; i was waiting for this day to come.”

sophie saw the flicker of hope in his eyes and swallowed, knowing that she was about to hurt him. “keefe… i know about your feelings,” she started. this warranted an eyebrow raise on his part, but nothing more, so sophie reluctantly continued. “i appreciate you so much, but i’m sorry; there’s someone else, someone who isn’t you or fitz.”

keefe stared at her, expressionless. he took a deep breath. “sophie,” he started, “as long as you’re not dating fitz, i’ll be happy. i just want you to be okay.” he wrapped an arm around her, and she fell into his hug, trusting him to a fault. “so,” he teased, “who’s the lucky guy?”

sophie turned her head to the two figures traversing up the hill toward her and keefe. “when did i ever say they were a guy?”

tam and linh stood before sophie and keefe. as keefe disentangled himself from sophie, linh took his place, taking sophie’s hand with ease. sophie found herself lost in her girlfriend’s icy eyes once again.

keefe, finally aware of the connection, nodded in approval with a smile.

— — — —

Part 4: Implementing Them (729 words)

— — — —

tropes: friends to lovers, invisible side character, twist villain

a side scene from my novel that i might add in later! a bit of context, without spoilers: the dream realms are disappearing, and a group of girls must band together to save them.

— — — —

“you nervous, scarlet?” leigh had asked, wrapping her jacket around my shoulders when she had noticed me shivering.

“hardly,” i had replied, trying to sound humorous yet failing. leigh didn’t press the issue, though. after all, she has always been the most likely person to know what is at stake. i had quietly accepted the jacket from her, my eyes offering a silent bout of gratefulness.

now, though, i’m completely nervous, and i don’t feel like hiding it. traversing between realms is one thing; controlling someone’s mind is another. mavis is already hovering her hand over june’s forehead. as usual, she motions wordlessly for us to join her. leigh sprints forward, springing into action as always. she motions for me to complete the triangle and enter june’s mind. i step forward and raise my right hand, and then everything goes dark.

i hear a click from my right. i turn, seeing mavis holding her pen; the one with the flashlight. “mavis, you absolute genius,” leigh breathes from my left. she takes my hand, and i return the gesture to mavis. “now,” leigh says, inhaling, “let’s go.”

the three of us traverse down what seems to be a tunnel, eventually becoming too tired to continue. we decide to sit down for a moment, mavis positioning herself on the wall opposite from me and leigh.

“hey,” leigh whispers, soft enough for only me to hear. “i love you.” the statement takes me so off guard that i cannot properly formulate a response.

i don’t have to, though. mavis rolls her eyes at my red face before standing up and motioning for the two of us to do the same. we quickly stand up and follow mavis deeper into the tunnel. mavis takes my hand, but leigh doesn’t do the same this time, which confuses me. after all, didn’t she just confess that she loves me only a moment ago?

we eventually reach a clearing, with three handprint scanners lining the wall. leigh smiles. “they’re dna detectors. we all have to touch them at the same time,” she explains. “otherwise, the walls of june’s mind will close in on us, and we will never be able to return to our bodies. for now, i think it’s best to pause and discuss our next course of action before risking our lives at these scanners.”

mavis opens her mouth, as if to say something for the first time, but leigh puts a hand over it. “mavis,” she breathes, with a smile that looks almost sinister, “scarlet and i both know that you aren’t really going to say anything; you never have.”

still, mavis glares at her before putting her hand on the scanner. before i realize what’s going on, she grabs my arm with her free hand, placing my hand on my own scanner. for a moment, i almost think we’re safe. that is, until i see leigh, arms crossed, far away from her own scanner. “leigh!” i cry out. “help us, please!”

she does not respond. the glimmer of light in her eyes turns to fire, a fire that is evidently not on my side.

still, i continue to cry out her name, having no other options. leigh doesn’t listen, though. desperate, i turn my head to mavis, who seizes my free hand.

for the first time since i arrived at decibel, i hear her speak. “run, scarlet,” she whispers. “we have to run.”

before i have time to ask how that’s even possible, mavis pulls me in the direction of the wall debris that was previously behind us. leigh’s face is emotionless as she watches mavis disappear into the dust. i don’t realize yet that this is the last time i will ever see her face.

in a flash, i open my eyes. two hands are hovered over june’s body, and neither of them belong to leigh. mavis glances up at me, her breath heavy, before pointing her eyes at the ground. i follow her gaze.

leigh is resting there, her pulse slowed, her eyes no longer able to open. “she was going to hurt you,” mavis explains. “she was going to hurt all of us. that’s why she tried to bring an end to june. don’t worry, though. we escaped, and she’s gone now. june should be awake soon.”

i gaze at mavis, my savior. “i’m sorry i ever underestimated you.”
Black__Hole
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Daily #12
352 words

Magical tyrant powers, huh! Now that most certainly sounds delightful. What would I do with them, if I suddenly had them one day, you ask? Ah, yes. This'll be good.

First and foremost, I'd make Cabin Wars a two-day event. Yes, I'm well aware the SWCongress exists (And that was an amazing idea on our beloved tyrants' end ;D), but why decide between one of two days when you could just make wars span both days? Missing a daily wouldn't be too much of a hassle, wouldn't it- After all, you do earn points from the extra challenges, plus who's to say you can't have an extra point daily alongside the wars? The two-day timeframe would also provide more SWC-ers with the opportunity to not only participate in warring, but in the new additions of the War 2 minigames or sorts that are themed after each session.

Second, we should definitely normalize theme speculation, as well as host speculation. The November 2023 results, I believe, had a nod to what the next session's theme, which was Middle Earth, would be. After that, though, there weren't much hints in terms of theming, and we'd only get the notice when leader apps have been shared.

While we're on the topic of speculation, I'd also have thumbnails made for the host speculation studios, just to make them a tad bit more appealing and really go with the theme. This could also be slightly rebranded to include my previous point of having the theme speculations included as well- Perhaps the studio thumbnail, or description, hides a few clues and hints as to what the next session would possibly look like? Oh, and we need a variety of hints, not just riddles. Riddles and puzzles are fun in all, but there's more to confuse campers with than just red herrings. ;D

Finally, I'd love for weeklies to also have an ‘extra credit’ option of sorts, so by going above and beyond, you'd be able to gain a little extra for your cabin in terms of points, since after all, sharing proof is already required for the weeklies.
taylorsversion--
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

daily 379/350 words

if i were a magical tyrant something whatever it would be such a crash and burn lol. this is only my first swc session and my third scratch camp in general so i would not be a very useful person to turn to or suggest new things, i guess! one thing i would do is :thinks hard: have activities and things to do in the main cabin, just like in the sibling cabins? maybe something like that has already happened :pp but i think it would be fun and get more people involved! a small downside would be the fact that it would be harder to find all the comments adding points. ah yes, this may complicate it but there could be a point adding studio separate to the main cabin, sorry to say something like this because tradition and stuff i know but it would make point adding so much easier and it would give the main cabin a bit more of a hangout vibe?

another thing that would be cool is more cabin wars they’re quite fun lol and hm what else could i add what about dailies that involve other people like collaborative dailies? not like the ones where you claim comments and words and stuff but where two people work on the same piece of writing. i mean, if these already exist then, yayayay cool!

i am literally having a mind blank right now- swc is already so so great. let’s expand on the cabin wars then; maybe they could take up the whole weekend? timezones tend to get difficult if you know what i mean- i think i may be the only person in utc in my cabin which either means i miss out on all of the fun or i have random wars to myself xD

also i would like some more info about swc, im sure you can find it somewhere but what months do we have swc? signup links? etc etc. this would be helpful for newer people like me who have fallen in love with swc. and i know that swc is a writing camp but maybe more diversity in the dailies? like write a song! write a recipe! write a code! they may be a little challenging though lol

Last edited by taylorsversion-- (March 23, 2025 23:36:59)

Natt519
Scratcher
79 posts

swc megathread: march '25

WEEKLY #3
for myth!!

Total words: 2060
i procrastinated so much on this sobb

PART 1: TROPE PROS AND CONS
Words: 300
1. Found Family
Pro
-It's obviously the best trope (this is totally not influenced by my opinions or the fact that all of my favorite shows include this trope)
Con
-It always. Has. A time. Where they get separated. Every. Single. Time. And then there's the happy-but-also-sad reunion at the end. Every. Single. time.

2. Enemies to Lovers
Pro
-There are a whole lot of people who like this. A lot. For…some reason.
Con
-It's difficult to make it believable
-Most authors that I've seen end up taking too fast, and it just doesn't feel realistic
-When does this actually happen in real life.

3. “Utopia”
Pro
-It's a mix of two genres, so people who like either one would be able to enjoy it
-It's really interesting imo
Con
-A lot of the problems with the society are often very similar
-Adding on to that, there isn't a whole lot you can do to change it up

4. The Quest
Pro
-Can be paired well with the chosen one trope (and often is)
-Most trope allow for a wide range of characters but I feel like this one allows for the most freedom in characters and plot
Con
-Basically the plot of every book with the chosen one trope, though. So it is also overused.
-It can get boring pretty quickly

5. The Chosen One
Pro
-It can be paired with other tropes well I guess?
-I can't even think of any other positives–
Con
-It's so. overused.
-It always ends up being an ancient prophecy. Someone switch it up. Please.
-The character ends up being either a. reluctant or b. arrogant and snobby and smug and not fun to read about. I have never seen an in between.
-I really hate this trope in case you couldn't tell

PART 2: FAVORITE TROPE
Words: 483
Trope: Found family my beloved <3
The rain spattered against the window relentlessly.

*Drat.*

Still, tonight was her chance. Escape.

She'd been kept at the orphanage for seven years, every one worse than the last. The walls seemed to suffocate her, closing in slowly as she clung to a hope that she would make it out someday. She knew she wouldn't unless she did it herself. The children who stayed were never allowed to leave; they turned into caretakers, caring for the children who were sent there. That wouldn't be so bad. But they were never able to step outside.

Something in them changed once they put on the caretaker uniform. Their faces became emotionless, their movement jilted and rough, as if they were made of wood. Not one of them wanted to leave. Not one of them dreamed for something, anything, in the future at all. They were like puppets being held on strings by the Orphan Warden. In Avery's opinion, wandering in the rain for who knows how long was a much better fate than being brainwashed. So, she'd gathered up her belongings (which were very few; all she owned was a single ring that had been somebody's in her family, though she'd never found out who), put on her warmest clothes, and crept down the entrance hallway with the key that she had stolen in hand. The door opened quietly at first, then creaked a long and horrible sound for what seemed like hours.

Avery froze for a moment, but she heard no footsteps coming towards her, so she continued. She was about to be free, at last–it was only a foot away. She stepped forwards, and–

“Where are you going?” asked a small voice from behind her. Avery whirled around.

“Clara? What are you doing here? You should be in bed, you could…get in trouble.” It was the best excuse she had; Clara was only seven. She couldn't take her with her. Could she?

“I saw you were gone. Where are you going? Are you leaving? Can I come with you?”

“…Yes. I'm leaving. This place is dangerous. You'll be okay for a few more years, but then you have to promise me you'll escape, okay? And…you can't come with me. I wouldn't be able to take care of you.”

Clara was silent for a moment. “They turn into the caretakers, don't they?” she said softly. Her question made me freeze again. *How had she noticed?*

“They do. But that doesn't happen until you're older. You're safe.”

“For now,” she said. Her bitter tone surprised me. “Just let me come with you! If you leave, then they'll watch us more. I won't be able to get out. Please, Avery. I don't want to turn into one of…them.” She had tears in her eyes.

*Drat. I can't say no.*

I forced a smile. “Well. If you're certain you can handle it, then we'd better get going.”

PART 3: TWIST
Words: 547
Original trope: Epiphany/Evil Mentor
Twist: What if Hunter had found out the truth about himself before Luz found him?

i just finished toh and i had to do something related to it :> (hunter my beloved)
(lyrics from viva la vida by coldplay)

Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
Now the old king is dead, long live the king
One minute, I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand


* *
A forest of masks. Broken. Shattered. All of them. A graveyard of past attempts. One of them crunched under his foot.

One mistake. That was all it took. He was next. He had to get out, he had to–

Wake up.


He sighed, burying his head in his hands. This was the third time this week. And it was only Tuesday.

Flapjack chirped from his perch and hopped over. He scratched his head absentmindedly, looking out the window in his cabin.

Well, cabin was one way to put it. ‘Half fallen apart shack’ would have been more accurate.

He got up and checked on his food stock. He'd need to go into town today. Bonesborough was constantly patrolled by the Emperor's guards; it was hard to sneak around there, so he usually avoided it if he could. He sighed again. Another day of hiding.

“Come on, Flapjack.” he said to to tiny cardinal. Flapjack chirped indignantly.

“I know, buddy. It's raining. You're made of wood. I'll keep you dry. We'll be back in a bit, with any luck,” Hunter said, as he fastened his clock and pulled up the hood.

* *

It was a wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string


* *

“It's crowded today. Keep out of sight, Flapjack.”

The Palisman chirped quietly. Hunter kept his head down, not making eye contact, not talking, keeping to himself. The gaurds didn't know him. They didn't know what he looked like under the mask. Still, he tensed every time he walked past one. It was only a matter of time until something happened, until he slipped up. It was only a matter of time until he had to stop hiding and fight. For now, he simply had to survive.

Easier said than done.

As he was walking down the street, a booth caught his eye. It seemed to sell items from the Human Realm–there were all sorts of things he'd never seen before. But that wasn't what interested him most. It was run by Edalyn Clawthorne. The famous wild witch of Bonesborough.

She was infamous for her ability to escape the Emperor's Coven any time they tried to capture her. Her face was stuck on wanted posts all over the Demon Realm, as they had been for years, but she still managed to evade capture. He walked over to the booth.

“Hey, kid. Interested in some human artifacts?” she said.

“Actually, I'm more interested in information. How exactly have you evaded the Emperor for so long?”

* *

I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringin'
Roman Cavalry choirs are singin'
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

PART 4: 3 TROPES
Words: 703
Tropes: Found Family, Loss of Individualism, “Utopia”

Clara and I walked silently for two hours in the rain. Not once did she whine. She stayed quiet, walking steadily. She kept up with my pace, and didn't even complain when we had to cross a muddy stream.

Maybe I misjudged her.

We only stopped for a few minutes every hour. The sky was growing darker steadily, and we both knew that we'd have to find shelter soon or we'd probably get hypothermia. The temperature had dropped significantly in the past hours and we were both shivering.

“Avery. Look,” Clara said, her voice rising in excitement. She was pointing at something in the distance; there was a light that shined steadily. “Maybe it's a house!” she said. “Maybe they'll let us stay there.” I admired her optimism, but she was right–it was our best shot at getting through the night. I picked her up and set towards the light.

*

The house could only be described in contradictions. It was small yet large. Cozy yet looming.

Hopeful yet tired, or maybe that was just me.

I reached up and knocked on the door, being careful not to disturb Clara. It was much later than when she would normally go to bed, and she's been walking for hours; she had fallen asleep. I waited for a moment, but nobody came to the door. I reached up again and was about to knock when someone turned on a light inside, then opened the door. She was a young woman; she had blonde hair tied up in a ponytail and bright green eyes, more vibrant than I had ever seen before. She looked guarded and wary, but kind. She might let us stay, just for a night, I thought. She looked us up and down.

“Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in.”

*

“Thank you,” I said as I sat by her fireplace. Clara was still asleep in a guest room.

The woman smiled. “Don't mention it. Who are you, anyway? It's not often I meet two children in the rain at the middle of the night.”

“We, um…”

“You can trust me. Here, I'll prove it. My name is Quinn. I've lived here for eight years. I'm twenty-four years old. I found this cabin as an abandoned wreck, and fixed it up. I'm here because…well, let's just say my mother wasn't the nicest of people.”

I paused. “We're from the orphanage.”

Quinn's face changed. “Briar Woods, huh? That place is made out to be paradise.”

“It's…not. At all. They brainwash the children once they turn sixteen. They don't seem to have any free will. None of them ever want to leave.”

“And there's still children there?”

“Yes. I'm fifteen, but I was the oldest. There were a few boys who are fourteen, but most of the children are under twelve. I didn't–I couldn't take them with me.”

“I know. Why don't you go to bed for tonight? We can talk about this tomorrow.”

“You'll let us stay?”

Quinn smiled, but it seemed forced. “Of course. I don't want you ever going back to that place.”

*

I slept better that night that I ever had since I had come to Briar Woods. The bed was soft, and the blankets were warm rather than paper thin. It was nothing like the orphanage. There, I always felt like someone was watching me, like I had to stay on guard. I had never turned around to see who kept watch. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know, but I did.

The sun shined through a stained glass window in the bedroom Quinn had set me up in. It seemed almost hopeful, like it was mirroring me. Maybe I was safe now.

*I don't want you ever going back to that place.*

She would let us stay. It was okay. There was nobody watching me here.

But the other children, the ones I'd left. They didn't know what danger they were in. We had to get them out.

Quinn appeared in the doorway to the room. “We'll get the other kids out. I promise. With your help, we can get to the bottom of that place,” she said, almost as if reading my thoughts.

I smiled.
-WildClan-
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Part 1: Trope Pros and Cons

The Chosen One
Pros: easy way to throw your character into the middle of the action, can be linked to worldbuilding (prophecies, supernatural elements, magic systems, etc.), sets up the character’s journey of self-discovery
Cons: a character that is objectively superior in some way turns everyone else into “lessers,” can be difficult to properly address the deeper consequences of having an individual singled out from the rest, this trope is overused and can feel too generic

Parallel Universes
Pros: creates room to explore alternate timelines, provides insight into the nature of choice and consequence, can lead characters to expand their perspective of their place in the grander scheme of things
Cons: can be confusing to the reader if not done right, requires a lot of worldbuilding just to set up the possibility of such a thing, doesn’t inherently lead to conflict or move the plot along

Enemies to Lovers
Pros: involves lots of conflict and tension between characters, can often be easily woven into a larger plotline, gets the readers invested in the characters’ growth as people
Cons: sometimes difficult to make it feel organic, can be viewed as glorifying antagonistic behavior, may distract from the larger narrative if the relationship is only for fan service

Dark Family Histories
Pros: adds suspense and layers of mystery, provides backstory for characters to give them more depth, can be linked to worldbuilding (secret societies, magic, the history of key locations, etc.)
Cons: have to be careful to not expose the secrets too quickly, may force characters into certain roles and limit the flexibility of their growth, it’s a single-use suspense builder since the intrigue is gone once the truth is revealed

Solving Puzzles/Riddles
Pros: gives characters unique obstacles to overcome on their path to the main goal, a wrong answer equalling death is a great way to raise the stakes, allows the characters to learn important information in interesting ways
Cons: has to have a legitimate in-universe reason to exist in order to feel realistic, may distract from the larger narrative if it sends the characters on too many side quests, can create a predictable pathway where there’s only one right way forward

PART 2: Favourite Trope
(I went with Dark Family Histories.)

“What’s all this?” Karma pushed her way into the den. In front of her, a variety of bones and animal remains were organized into piles. “Ew. It smells terrible.”
“It’s not like I actually live here,” Chaos muttered from behind her.
“Come onnn, I tracked your scent right to the entrance,” Karma retorted. “You absolutely come here all the time. Is this where you’re always disappearing to, loner girl?”
“No,” Chaos growled. “I just like to explore.”
“Hmm.” Karma squinted. Chaos was being defensive again. Lying? Possibly. It was hard to tell with her. Although Karma supposed that’s what was fascinating about her. She had to learn her secrets.
Going further into the den, Karma examined the bones. “Whoa, is this an entelodont skeleton? Where did you even get this?”
“Maybe I hunted it,” Chaos sniffed. “How would you know?”
Karma snorted. “Oh yeah? Then why aren’t you in Maroon’s inner circle yet? Oh, that’s right, you can barely win a fight against a rabbit.” She rolled her eyes.
Chaos didn’t respond.
“No skull,” Karma noted. Her eyes lit up. “Wait. This was your brother’s kill, wasn’t it? He wears that skull fragment sometimes.”
“Alright, yes,” Chaos admitted. “He told me to keep the bones after the flesh had been eaten. I don’t know why. Okay?”
“What about all this other stuff? You’ve been… collecting it? You know, most people just eat their prey and be done with it.”
“Maroon’s crown is made of bone,” Chaos countered.
“That’s different. It’s an heirloom! This is just… corpses. It’s kinda gross, Chaos. Really.”
Chaos dug her claws into the dirt of the den floor. “You’re the one who wanted to stick their nose in here,” Chaos said. Her voice was level, but Karma could detect a note of tension. Ooh, she was getting worked up now.
“Well, you’re obviously hiding something, loner girl.” Karma smiled reassuringly. “Come on. I just want to get to know you better. Where do you even come from? You never talk about it.”
Chaos paused. “Believe me, you don’t want to know.”
“But I dooo,” Karma insisted. “You’re always going around being mysterious. And having a den full of bones. Your brother’s some sort of giant. I don’t have a clue who your parents are. You practically smell of secrets, Chaos! Really, you can trust me. I’m your friend. I won’t tell.”
Chaos scanned her warily, then sighed. “Fine. So long as you don’t go spreading rumors. You want the truth? The truth is… I have a curse.”

PART 3: Unique Twist
(I hate prophecies in the Warriors series.)

The moon shone brightly over the clearing as the StarClan cat materialized before the gathered medicine cats. The air was thick with expectation.
“The time has come,” the spectral warrior intoned. “A great danger lurks in the shadows.”
The medicine cats exchanged nervous glances. The oldest among them, Sagewhisker, cleared her throat.
“I assume you have… details?”
The StarClan cat blinked. “Well, the prophecy is as follows: When the fire meets the storm, the darkness shall rise, and only the dawn will break the cycle.”
Silence. Then, Sagewhisker sighed irritably. “I have… several questions.”
The StarClan cat shifted uncomfortably. “Ah. Well. We try to keep things open to interpretation.”
Sagewhisker’s tail flicked. “Right. Because nothing says wise celestial guidance like cryptic metaphors. Let’s break this down. ‘When the fire meets the storm’—is this literal? Should we be concerned about wildfires? ThunderClan’s latest hotheaded apprentice? A particularly bad weather season?”
“Well…”
“And ‘the darkness shall rise.’ That could mean /anything./ Do you mean a literal enemy, or some abstract moral failing? A cat with a dark pelt? We have, like, six of those.”
The StarClan cat coughed. “It is… meant to be interpreted by those it affects.”
Sagewhisker rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh. And ‘only the dawn will break the cycle.’ Which dawn? A cat named Dawn? A metaphorical new beginning? A literal sunrise? You see the issue, right?”
A younger medicine cat, Dovetail, hesitated. “StarClan… forgive me, but why are prophecies /always/ like this?”
The StarClan cat shuffled their paws awkwardly. “Well, uh… they’re meant to inspire personal growth?”
Sagewhisker’s ears flattened. “That is /not/ helpful when lives are on the line! Let’s say I tell my leader, ‘Oh yes, we must beware of vague metaphorical fire and ambiguous darkness.’ You know what will happen? Nothing useful.”
Dovetail added, “Or worse, /everything/ will happen because every cat will assume it’s about them. Do you know how many cats have ‘fire’ or ‘storm’ in their names? It’s like you’re setting up /generations/ of paranoia.”
“Well…”
“And why do prophecies /always/ hinge on one to three cats?” Sagewhisker continued. “Realistically, it takes an entire Clan to solve problems. Why are we putting the fate of the forest on the shoulders of some overworked, undertrained apprentices who just learned how to catch a squirrel?”
The StarClan cat looked helpless. “We, uh, find it makes for a more compelling narrative? Makes the plot more interesting?”
Sagewhisker closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. Just /once/, I want a prophecy that says, ‘Hey, ShadowClan is planning an attack next moonrise, prepare accordingly.’ Or ‘The river is flooding soon, maybe don’t build your camp on the lowest ground possible.’”
“We prefer to instill… a sense of mystery.”
Sagewhisker turned away. “I’m done. I’m ignoring the prophecy. If /you/ want to clarify it, you know where to find me.”
She stomped off, soon disappearing into the distance.
Behind her, the StarClan cat sighed, pulling out a scroll labeled “Prophecy Guidelines for Maximum Narrative Impact.”
Maybe they needed a revision.

PART 4: Implementing Them
“Oh no, oh no, I’m running out of time,” moaned Wild. “I’ve got to finish 700 more words for this weekly in… 30 minutes. HALF-CANON, GET OVER HERE.”
“You wrote over 2,000 words in one hour during Cabin Wars,” River pointed out. “You got this!”
“That was just a ramble, though,” Wild argued. “I didn’t have to say anything worthwhile. This time, it has to be an actual story, with three tropes. That’s SIGNIFICANTLY harder than just stream-of-consciousness-ing it.”
“Every freakin’ time,” Rain cursed. “How many times do I have to tell you, you can handle this. You write incredibly quickly when under pressure.”
“Hey, I can’t– Oh wait, you’re actually complimenting me. I thought for sure you were gonna say something about how I always procrastinate and then force the burden on you just to make sure I finish in time.”
Rain glowered at Wild. “And you say I’m the one who points out your flaws too much.”
“WELL I’M DOING IT FOR YOU THIS TIME. I AM SO HELPFUL.”
Chaos entered the chat and snorted. “Okay, Chosen One. You’re a blessing to all of us. We get it.”
“Hmph, I’m not a Chosen One!” Wild retorted, mock-offended. “Wait. Actually. Am I?”
“Your shazarxian body was literally genetically engineered in a lab to be the first of its kind. That’s pretty Chosen to me,” River chimes in. She grins. “And then you chose all of us, so we’re all Chosen Ones, I guess.”
Wild thinks it over. “You’re right. I never really thought of it that way. Dang, and I don’t even like the Chosen One trope, ughhhhhh–”
“Reluctant Hero much?” River laughs.
“It’s not even that!” Wild cries. “I’m just not comfortable with the idea of a person being inherently and objectively better than everyone around them! That’s a recipe for some sort of prejudiced dystopia, or at least ridiculous levels of narcissism.”
“Is that. Is that not the purpose of our existence,” Rain says. “We’re part of this huge fancy setup that loops back around to support ourselves. Regardless of the consequences.”
Everyone looks at Chervil.
“I don’t… want to think about that right now,” Wild decides. “Although we should probably continue this conversation later.” They shift uncomfortably.
“Okay, next trope, then?” Chaos fixes her gaze on Wild.
Wild returns a glance. “You’ve been pretty quiet so far. What trope do you think we can embody?”
Chaos mouth twitches into a faint smile. “Glad you asked. How do you feel about Unreliable Narrators?”
“Oh, well, we’ve definitely all been there. That’s a good one.”
“Don’t we have to actually, like, show it within this writing piece, though?” River asks.
“Half-Canon as a concept is already unreliable by nature,” Rain posits. “We are internal thoughts with no physical form, just visualizations in some human mind’s eye.”
“That’s not fair, Rain. You’re also fragments of memory from actual living individuals. It’s not like I control you. Or myself,” Wild retorts.
“Is that true, though? How would we know if you created us to be this way as part of your own solipsistic universe, or if we’re actually our own people?”
No one spoke for a few seconds.
“Please stop giving me an existential crisis,” Wild moans.
“I’m confused,” says River.
“What does this have to do with the trope again?” Chaos attempts to get the conversation back on track.
“What if one of you is actually imagining ME?” Wild mumbles. “Also, why did it take me three tries to spell ‘existential’ back there-”
“OKAY WE ARE DEFINITELY ALL UNRELIABLE AT DESCRIBING REALITY,” River calls. “IF REALITY IS EVEN REAL, OR WHATEVER. LET’S MOVE ON NOW. I JUST GOT THE BEST IDEA FOR WHAT OUR THIRD TROPE SHOULD BE.”
“Great. Spill it,” Rain encourages. “…So we can be done with this.”
“Found Family!” River cheers. “Right?”
Rain sighs dramatically. “What do you mean, I hate all of you. Totally seriously, for real.” They pause. “Also, we’re technically already blood related, River.”
“Yeah, but no one cares about that,” pouts River. “Half-Canon is kind of like a family, isn’t it? We have fun together and argue and get things done.”
“I usually think of it as just an alliance,” Chaos begins, “but… I’ll admit. I am somewhat fond of you all.”
“See!” River perks up. “We’re different species, and we agree!” She purrs at Chaos. “That’s absolutely Found Family.”
Wild smiles, feeling a little overwhelmed, but very happy. They loved their inner thoughts so much. “Perfect, then,” they say. “That’s it for the weekly! We did it!”
“With the power of love,” River giggles.
“Please save me,” Rain groans, then chuckles. “Fine. I suppose it was fun.”

Last edited by -WildClan- (March 24, 2025 00:05:13)

FireBlood23
Scratcher
500+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Hi Snowy!!! I absolutely loved your piece!! It was so heartfelt and so lovely to read. I loved the sections and just everything about it asgjhgdkhs

But areas to improve upon,

Narrative -
You’ve got a lot of narrative about the two people but having dialogue, or more interactions might make it more impactful. At the moment you’ve only got them interacting/speaking to each other right at the end. I understand if it's purposeful, and it’s still pretty cool otherwise.

Sentences -
Add a little more of a variety of sentences, or break up some of the longer ones for more impact. It's an amazing metaphorical piece, and all of its amazing, but making each metaphor more impactful, and maybe repeating some of the metaphors further towards the end of different parts might be good for impact. :>

Repetition -
Despite what I said earlier you’ve gone quite heavy with the repetition in places, so going through and maybe changing some of the wording would be great to lighten it up and make it feel lighter to read instead of word heavy.


And maybeeeeeeeeeeeeee just a few different sentence starters as you’ve used ‘But, You and I’ alot :>


Thanks for letting me critique this and let me know if you want me to elaborate on anything1!!! It was a beautiful piece of writing and I can’t thank you enough for your critique!! Best of luck, I’m waiting to see which place you get.
<33
Black__Hole
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Part 1 (387 words)

Enemies to Lovers
Pros:
Sees growth between the characters through interactions and self-reflection.
Makes it feasible to incorporate romance within a wider spectrum of genres.
Strengthens the debate between “Good” and “Bad”, or on the other side of the spectrum create an ideal that resides in the “morally grey” area.
Incorporates the idea of rule-breakers within their respective worlds, realms, groups, etc.

Dystopian Future
Pros:
Can be used to imply broader messages related to societal issues, etc.
Pictures our inevitable doom, and provide possible solutions or precautions the government and us citizens can take to prevent such a scenario if we were to receive a push in the wrong direction.
Cons:
Pictures our ineluctable doom. Can otherwise be phrased as “oppressing and somewhat discouraging”.

Fake Relationship
Pros:
Once again, it's possible to incorporate a “deeper meaning” to the story in reference to how our world is being run.
Creates easy conflict between parties or individuals, as well as likely societal pressure.
Breaks away from the “Chosen One” or “Destined” norm in terms of relationships.
Can be integrated into various other lover-related tropes. The two characters might start out having a “fake relationship” and later start coming together as the story progresses and gives them opportunities to form those bonds.
Cons:
Unless further expanded upon, the relationship would feel exactly as it sounds- “fake”. There wouldn't be much meaning to the bond besides what they're trying to uphold with their lies.

The Hidden World
Pros:
Creates opportunities for a groundbreaking discovery to be the starting point of the story or what leads to the next chapter of a certain character's journey.
On the other hand, the final “Hidden World” could be the final destination to provide a clear landmark for pacing, or serve as a transition between parts of a story.
Cons:
Easily forewarned- Though, whether that'd be to your advantage would be heavily dependent on the specific story.

Time Travel
Pros:
Creates a wide range of possibilities of inevitably causing havoc in their own timeline or beyond
Can be used to mislead and confuse readers, and possibly lead into an utterly sensible but easily missable plot twist.
The Sci-Fi Time Machine ;D /SWC ref.
Cons:
Could end up confusing readers if not properly delivered
Time travel and the multiverse in general is quite overused in Sci-Fi genres.

Part 2 (476 words)
Trope: Suspicious Utopia
“Alright, here we are.” You follow the group to what seemed to be the communication tower of sorts. The structure was almost entirely built off an innovative metal base, coated with a layer of pure, crisp white paint and panels of perfectly transparent glass, to which both looked perfectly unharmed, the sunlight reflecting off the white surface revealing not a single scratch. You extend your hand out to the nearest white panel, gently scraping a nail against the glossy surface. Besides the faint sound of friction between panel and cuticle, the surface remained, strangely, completely unharmed.
The first girl, a somewhat tall ravenette, gestures for you to head on inside, as the others began filing into the tower as well. You, too, follow suit, seeing no other possible option, making your way through the tall glass doors of the building. It really wouldn't be a stretch at all to say the construction was one of the more attractive ones within the city. In the center of the massive structure was a spiralling staircase that went up just as high as the tower itself. A faint gasp found its way out of your lips as you took in the sight around you. “Woah.”
“Never been here before, haven't you?” The girl from earlier appeared beside you, flashing a knowing smile. “This is one of those places they don't let people in often. For all the right reasons, of course.”
“Yeah, yeah. We wouldn't want anyone getting into trouble, don't we.” The second guide, a girl with reddish orang hair as bright as a tomato, stopped to turn and glare at her associate. “Gosh, we're in a hurry, y'know. If we keep our next shift waiting… you know what our higher-ups would say about that.”
“What's the worst that could happen?” The black-haired girl responded, with the slightest bit of mockery in her tone, but quickly made her way back go the front of the group, “Alright, let's get back to it.”
“Mm-hm.” The redhead continued to lead thr group towards the staircase “Best you stop pretending sometime soon,” she mouthed, as you and the others made your way up the spiral of stairs, “You know better than any of us, and yet you refuse to do anything about it.”
Something in your intuition tells you that you weren't supposed to be listening to whatever it was you've just heard, whether it was on accident or not. You could've sworn by the coner of your eye that one of the ceiling lights had just blinked for a split second, but no one else seemed to have noticed. A chill shivered down your spine. Could a place like this truly be more sinister than what it appears to be? Shaking your head, you brush off the thought. Might as well enjoy the tour while it lasted, right?

Part 3 (551 words)
We all know the story of Rapunzel- That lost princess from Tangled with the beautiful long, silky golden hair which also appears to have magical healing powers? And of how she was saved from the tower by the dashing Flynn Rider? Ah, but has anyone ever thought the other way round, even once, of how the story would go if the one who really needed saving wasn't Rapunzel herself, but rather Flynn Rider himself. Surely, that'd make an interesting story to tell. Though, was Rapunzel ever truly a damsel in distress…? We think she was pretty happy with her life until later on, so I suppose it works. Well, it'll have to for the sake of our cause.

Our story begins in the tower, where Rapunzel was held hostage up until her sixteenth birthday. Mother Gothel had been sent out earlier that day by, let's just say, most certainly, not, her very own daughter, to buy the paints she had requested for her birthday present. Meanwhile, Flynn Rider, along with his accomplices the Stabbington brothers, were on their way to steal the princess's crown. The thief was lowered, bit by bit, into the vault in which they kept the glittering accessory, until he was low enough to grab it- Just out of sight from the guards who were patrolling the place. And as the story goes, they got away with it. …Somewhat. No, that's a stretch. They were able to get away with the crown, yes, but the guards had realized- a second too late, as it appears, however, that they had made their way out of the room through the ceiling. Quite the genius plan, if I do say so myself- As long as you can be certain there aren't any springboards hidden beneath the floors, of course.

Rapunzel had been taught about the outside world. The “outside world” was full of dangers, Mother Gothel had warned. Monsters who would bite, witches who would curse you (Ironic, we know), as well as hunters and bandits who'd chase you down until you'd inevitably run out of breath. And for your information, she did partially believe her… Until one of them “intruders” somehow manages to show up at her tower. Somehow. And from there, she had two choices.

To frying pan, or, to not, frying pan.

At that moment, the decision was made pretty clear in her head. Bonk the stranger, shut him in the closet, right? And then find a way to get out of here. Hey, maybe he could help. But that's all for later, if he really were a good person.

Bonk.

In this situation, and this scenario only, it'd honestly be a lot better for poor Flynn if he weren't so into a certain… triannual virtual writing camp, otherwise known as Scratch Writing Camp. Ah, yes… That Scratch Writing Camp. Inside the seemingly unsuspecting satchel was none other than a crown, and… a notebook? Curious, the blonde girl removes the glistening crown from her head and pulls out the small leather book from said satchel, flipping it open to where the bookmark was. Ah, so this man was a thief. Wanted across kingdoms, in fact. The crown he'd stolen was from the palace of Corona, and by the laws of the kingdom, he must be sentenced to… Treason?

Part 4 (705 words)
You've been on a school field trip, haven't you. And I'm sure there's always that one scenario where the group is “led” by a certain person, since you do have a goal to accomplish and it just… “happened” to be that way, for no particular reason. Just the looming feeling that you're destined to do something, and that it's a task you were meant to take on. That's stressful, for all we know, as if the situation wasn't already too much for a single person to handle, it does often lead to the needing of split-second decisions.

“Uhh. Is there a way to steer ourselves back on track?” Yume paced around the glass interior of the time machine, her eyes glazing over the various floating panels around her and the rest of the group. “No, no, not this one. Where is that setting…? I swear we had it programmed, but I can't seem to find it-”

“You're asking us? Yume, I thought you operated this thing,” Sooeun responded, half-jokingly. “I could definitely try, but I doubt it'd be any time at all before we arrive-”

“Maybe if I wasn't supposed to lead this thing… Why am I leading this thing again? Handling all of this just seems too much for someone like me, really…” Her left hand grasped firmly onto the key she was wearing around her neck as she proceeded to look on the other side of the machine. The frantic search continued, as everyone scrambled to search the many panels for any possible way to divert themselves back on track. At the last second, her eyes met with a certain toggle. “This should help. Pretty sure it's not going to bring us back entirely, but we should be safe this way.” As a final spurt of effort, she reached out and pulled the lever. And ah, what perfect timing. “No time for that now- Brace yourselves!” the brown-haired girl warns the group, and a flash of light blinds the compartment, forcing everyone inside to squint and cover their eyes.

When the lights returned to normal once again, and everyone had gotten accustomed to the current environment, the doors of the time machine slid open- A blink of multicolored lights later, of course. “Where are we?” someone asked, as the group made their way out of the compartment. It's really quite the surprise at first, how the time machine looked to be able to fit only around three people from the outside, but is indeed the size of a small room once you step in. Everything around you looked to be nothing like the terminal you had been in when you set off. In fact, it was quite the opposite. This place wasn't as futuristic, no, it may very well be the opposite of “futuristic”. The scent of freshly wrapped paper wafted through the… lobby. This must be the lobby, is it not? A reception desk was positioned in the center of the space, with hallways on either side leading to other rooms. Each of the counters were neatly lined with stacks of paper, a typewriter, and what seemed to be a cashier of sorts.

“I can't believe I'm saying this again- No, I can't believe I get to say this again,” Yume breathed, taking a moment to recollect herself. She looked towards the group. “I'm sure some of you have been here before, but whether or not you have… Welcome to the Epistolary Letter Terminal.” Several people gasped, others stayed completely silent, either shocked or in full knowingness of this specific terminal's existence. There sure seems to be quite a few of them.

The sound of a turning doorknob interrupted the moment of silence between the group. Visible droplets of sweat rolled down the sides of… a few certain faces. “Guys… Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.” The room was silent for what happened to be a grand total of two seconds. That was, until everyone had somehow, collectively decided without a warning, to scramble off and take cover.

After a few minutes of anxious waiting and peeking from the behind of stacks upon stacks of paper and letters, or occasionally a mango crate or two, the door creaked open.

Last edited by Black__Hole (March 24, 2025 02:08:05)

silverlynx-
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Second-Best
983

First of all, huge credits to Karen M. McManus, the incredible author of the ‘One of us is Lying’ series! If you haven’t read it, you totally should <3


I sat, shaking in my seat uncontrollably as Bronwyn swerved into the vast, looming driveway. An intimidating building rose above us, its beige brick walls adorned with intricate carvings. A lump rose in my throat. The next few hours would determine whether Jake would go to jail. Or whether he would stay.
Bronwyn nudged my shoulder.
“You OK?” She asked.
I nodded mutely. “Fine.”

“Court Case 32 in session.”
I swallowed as the judge swung his gavel down, his sea green eyes cold.

I glanced towards Jake. He ran a hand through his rich hazel hair, a smirk tugging at his lips. I sucked in a breath, a dagger of hatred and fury stabbing through me.

The perfect girl.
The perfect boy.
The prom queen.
The sports star.

The perfect couple.


Jake rose to his feet abruptly, a mask of sorrow and grief on his face.
“First of all, I just want to say how sorry I am for everything I did. I would do anything to fix what I did to my family, my friends and especially… My girlfriend.”
I lunged forwards, seething with anger.
“I am not your girlfriend!” I hissed through gritted teeth.
He gave me a small, sickly sweet smile. “I know, and I understand. I just wish, more than anything, I could have my Addy back.”
I bit my lip, the metallic taste of blood flooding into my mouth.
“I’m not yours! You stupid, evil, wicked-”
Rough, calloused arms pulled me back. I strained against them, desperately reaching for Jake, but I kept getting pulled further and further back.

“Jake, please! I-I’ll make it up to you! I’ll do anything! Just don’t do this… please.” I pleaded, my voice cracking in fear.
“I don’t care.” He muttered darkly. “I thought you were loyal to me. Not that stupid TJ Forrester.”
A steely look passed through his eyes. A speck of pure white rage blossomed within them. I had seen that look before. The look he had when he lost himself. When Jake Riordan didn’t exist. Only his wrath.
“I do love you,” I whispered softly, tracing his jaw.
That wasn’t true. I hated him. With all my heart. But I knew I couldn’t face the consequences.
He swatted my hand away. “Don’t touch me.”
Tears stung in my eyes. “Jake, please! Just give it a chance!” I yelled, my voice rising in panic.
He strode off, and just before reaching the door, looked over his shoulder.
“I thought I knew you.”


I collapsed in my seat, tears streaming down my face, the memory still raw in my mind. How could I have got him so wrong? How could he have let Simon die? How could he have the whole town on his-
“Addy Prentiss.”
I glanced up, startled. Everyone in the courtroom had their gazes fixed on me, some hard and calculating, some familiar and sympathetic.
“Um…” I mumbled, not sure what to say.
My lawyer, Hazel, leaned in. “You’re supposed to state your case against him.” She murmured.
I nodded slowly. We had gone over what I was supposed to say so many times. I just had to get through this. Make sure he stayed out of my life forever.

The runner-up in the beauty pageant.
The star who was always one step behind.
Second-best.



“Well, Jake, he abused me.” I began, gaining confidence. “He always pretended to be so… flawless. He had this sort of charm about him and he always got his way. If I was wearing the wrong clothes, if my hair was done up how he didn’t want, if I wanted to go somewhere that he didn’t like then he would always somehow change it. He made me feel like I was just second-best.”
“I wanted someone who would make me feel like I mattered. When around Jake I just felt like I was nothing. I felt like his opinion mattered more than mine, far more. I was just some background noise for him to come back to and use. TJ made me feel loved. I felt so guilty, but I knew I couldn’t stay with you. You were ruining my life.”
I paused for breath, looking at Jake. His face was a stormy mixture of bitterness and resent. Hazel put an encouraging arm around my shoulders.
“I know this isn’t how court cases usually go, but they needed to hear you. You’re doing so well, sweetie.”
A bubble of joy grew inside me. Maybe Jake would be locked away, out of my life. Maybe I could live without the constant fear of him.

“He left a boy to die. He attacked me and my friends. He almost-”
Jake cut me off, struggling with his handcuffs. “You liar! I would never attack anyone! Definitely not you, Addy.”
His tone became softer and he directed a guilty look at me.

I wasn’t buying it.

“Then how do you explain the camera footage of you with a gun, shooting me?” I asked bitingly.
His jaw dropped in shock. “I-I… Well, you… You idiot! You ruined everything!” He screamed, waving his fist. His muscles bulging, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun.

I gasped in shock.

The searing pain in my chest as the bullet embedded in my flesh.

The spots clouding my vision.

Cooper’s desperate shouts.


He couldn’t do this again. He wouldn’t dare. Not in front of everyone.

He clicked off the safety catch and pointed the gun at me.

Hazel clutched my shoulder.

“Don’t do it, don’t do it.” I heard her breathe.

He pulled the trigger.

The bullet hurtled towards me.

Everything went black.

The girl who cheated on her boyfriend.
The boy who left another to die.

Second-best.

Last edited by silverlynx- (March 24, 2025 20:42:49)

Milkysplash
Scratcher
1000+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

roleplay daily dump!! 1746 words

Skylar yawns, sipping her morning cup of tea (brewed correctly) as she wandered through the main cabin. She was in rather desperate search for graph paper, seeing as she forgot to steal some from her physics classroom last week and now couldn’t find it in the mess that was her school folder. She’d also been up since 4:30am, WITH SUFFICENT SLEEP, thank you very much, attempting to be productive. She sighed as she continued dying under the mountain load of schoolwork she had at the moment. Being an A Level student wasn’t fun and she didn’t like it right now. Most of the time it was fun, though, especially the Not Having English part of that whole thing. Oh, and were predicted grades on the horizon? Mmmmmhm, only three months away.

“Where is it?” She muttered, desperately rummaging through trays to find graph paper. “Where is it?” She moaned. She would not have fun speedplotting it at school during break but she’s in this situation now and had to deal with it one way or another. “You know what?” She muttered. “I’m just going to print out some AS papers.”

Giving up, and sending she was running out of tea, Skylar walked back into the main cafeteria, searching for the coffee machine so she could make tea. The tea was always a little bit off, but that was because the water wasn’t just boiled. Regardless, caffenation was caffenation and she could really do with some of that sweet, sweet, caffeine right now.

“ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR I DECLARE A WORD WAR!” Skylar yells, running into the word wars room. “Livy, where are you?” She groaned, looking for one of her SWC besties. “LIVY!!!” Skylar yelled. “You know the drill, we’re going to war for… three minutes good? No prompts!”

“No, you’re not,” Skylar glared, jokingly glaring back at her friend. “It’s okay. I’ll start now, and I’ll see you somewhat soon. Having won, of course.”

“I got 144 words,” Skylar said, presenting Livy with her somewhat short scene. “What about you?”

Skylar smiles. “Good wars, Livy,” hugging her friend tighter. “Until tomorrow…”

“HA!! You’re adding words, not points,” Skylar smirks. “Which means, MORE WORDS FOR FANFI!!!”

“Hey, uh- guys?” Skylar says. “All this roleplay has made me miss the old warrior cats roleplays I used to do. I mean, would anyone be up for a one day SWCClan spoof roleplay?” She really did miss that beautiful time, where she would type away about her cat just being a hunter.

“YAYYY!” Skylar grinned in excitement. “How do you want to go about doing this?“

“That seems like a great idea!” Skylar replied, rummaging through her old docs to find some cats she liked.

“Well, I have my TFCRP character and I also have another character from a while back… but I feel like doing something fresh today,” Skylar thought, pulling out a cat from her imagination.

“Hmmm, do you think we’ll be able to transform into cats?” Skylar asked, holding her cat in her arms. Her cat was a calico she-cat, with emerald green eyes and soft, fluffy fur.

Skylar did the same, placing her calico cat on the ground. Touching it, she felt herself turn into the cat. All of a sudden, the sounds of the forest around her was so much sharper and clearer than it was before. “Hey, so uh, what’s your name?” Skylar asked, surprised at how high her voice came out.

“HEY I CAN MATHS!! I MATHS AND FIVE AM ON THE REGULAR!!” Skylar says. “Sup, what do you need help with?”

“We’ve got 16 left today, and 24 tomorrow… so that makes 40 hours!” Skylar grinned. “Go practice!”

“Ooh, tea!” Skylar grinned. “What is it and how do you drink it?” She definitely wasn’t going to attack this person for drinking tea the wrong wa-

“You’re so fancy,” Skylar rolled her eyes. “At least you add milk last though. For me, I boil the kettle, use a tea bag, drink it black if I want caffeine but if not I drink it with milk,” Skylar grins.

“Yeah, they do. It’s a huge argument in England, whether to have the milk first or last. Obviously, milk last,” Skylar laughed. “And I’ll see you later!”

“Guys?” Skylar asks tentatively. “Does anyone want to critique my comp entry? It’s quite short, but I’d appreciate any and all critique given to me! I can critique a piece back, if you’d like but I am extremely busy over the next few days.”

“Thank you so much!” Skylar beamed. “Here,” she said, passing on a word document to Chuey. “Thank you so much, again!”

Skylar, too, thought it would be fun to be something else for the day. But alas, she was already in the middle of being a warrior cat, and also she was a touring agent. But how much she wishes she could be something else.

Skylar walks up to Hope. “Hey,” she grins. “Shouldn’t you be doing art coursework right now?” She asked, completely forget that she, also, had a mountain load of homework to do. Come on, it was NEARLY EASTER, just give her a break…

Skylar pauses, before running into her R&D workshop for a few minutes. She just had An Idea. And it was a very good Idea, or so she thought. Opening the door, she pulled her hair back, grabbed her safety equipment and started making… a thing. She’d only been in there for a couple minutes when she wheeled out into the main cabin her new invention. Her hair was scruffy and she looked fairly dusty, but hey, it was okay. “I’d like to present to you: The Be Something Else For A Day machine!” She smiled. “This machine can turn you into whatever you want, and you can change back whenever you want as well! You could also split up your body and be two things at once.” Hey, she fixed a problem. What could she say?

Skylar bounds in, happier than ever. “Hey, this reminds me of the weekly last session!” She smiles, happily greeting Kit like an old friend. “Anyways, we haven’t talked much since last session ended - how have you been, my friend?”

“I’ve been good as well,” Skylar responds, beaming. “I mean, not that I have a mound of schoolwork to do- hey, if you get time later this week, we should do that weekly again together! It was so fun, especially with everyone writing about the strike!”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Skylar replied, grabbing her iPad out, ready to type. “I’m a bit busy in the upcoming days, but would Saturday or Sunday work for you?”

“Amazing!” Skylar smiled. “I can’t wait to do that all over again with you!” She grinned. “See you then; I have to go to my violin lesson right now.” Skylar waved goodbye.

“This is actually such a dream of mine! I’d love to meet some awesome people in real life,” Skylar grinned. “Sadly, that’s about two or three years away for me at the earliest, closer to four for most people I want to meet.”

“Seconding Silvi!” Skylar grinned, her Model United Nations experience coming in handy with all this “seconding” that she’s done recently. “I mean, seconding Silvi on all counts, but regardless,”

“Anyone here do Model United Nations?” Skylar asked. “It’s roleplay day after all, we could just have a mock crisis committee and destroy the world…” A cheeky grin appeared on her face. “… or not. Regardless, it would be fun to have an SWC MUN!” Model United Nations had taken over her life at this point, she’d been doing it for four years and was now organising and training newer delegates.

“Ayyyy!” Skylar cheered. “Amazing, let’s just… hmmm. How do you want to go about doing this?”

“That’s okay!” Skylar smiles. “A lot of what I do now is training newer delegates, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask!”

“What?” Skylar sounded shocked - no, she was shocked. “How come you’ve never been? As soon as you’re old enough, you need to go!” Skylar grinned. “Most people start doing it in high school though, so you’ve got a few years.”

“Sage.” Skylar stares down her friend. “You need to go. Take your opportunity and go.”

“First?” Skylar asks, entering the cabin with a raised eyebrow.

“Viola101!” Skylar joked. “No, not actually.” She paused for a few moments, pondering the question. “Okay. What about fantasy-sunsets?” Skylar suggested.

Skylar had just come up with another Idea. “Hey, all this talk of roleplay has made me want to start a proper roleplay again,” she sighed. “But I can never keep a roleplay active enough for long enough; everything kind of just fizzles out within the first few months.” She paused. “But, I’ve decided that it would be a great and genius ideas to create roleplays that aren’t meant to last forever. After all, all things must end, and if a roleplay isn’t meant to last forever, then there’s no way I could lose motivation! I would also have loads of fun events too.” Skylar added. “Anyone wanna help me make some?”

Skylar grinned. “Yes! That would be so fun, Kiara! Okay, so my plan is to treat them as SWC cabins and have a driving storyline that’s fairly short and simple. And hopefully we can get loads of SWCers signing up too!” Skylar stopped. “I’m yet to figure out exact details, but I can make a forum and we can start planning!”

“Hi Kiara!” Skylar smiles. “If you’re still interested, I typed up a document with more info here.” Skylar hands Kiara a document containing all her ideas.

That’s amazing! I’ve made it,” Skylar smiled. “It’s right here:

Skylar booped Lyra. “Here you are!” She grinned, handing Lyra a link.

“It’s like an SWC cabin in terms of storyline and event planning on that sense, but since it’s all roleplay, I’m not planning on having any currency,” Skylar said. “But if you want to introduce a currency we could discuss that!”

“Yay!” Skylar smiled. “The forum is linked above, hop on in!”

“Good luck, Mouse!” Skylar cheers. “Oh, I really should start adding points more,” she adds after a thought. “I’ve gotten sidetracked by one thing or another recently.”

Hiii!” Skylar grins. “Firstly; my favourite movie is The Martian and secondly, I’d love to if I wasn’t in a homework slog.” Skylar sighs and runs off to paint her nails in her room.
pepper-and-a-pencil
Scratcher
500+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

♫ 03 critique - beth - 401 words ♫

OMG I REMEMBER READING THIS DAILY IN THE MAIN CABIN AHH <33 this is so adorable, i'm excited to critique it eee

okay this may be tricky because i usually don't read the piece until i'm ready to actively critique so i can give my thoughts during my first read through, and since i'm already familiar with the piece, it might turn out a bit different so you'll just have to bare with me ahaha

i feel like the first sentence starts off this piece with a sweet, wholesome vibe and i really enjoy it!

the next three sentences add another, deeper layer to this story that contrasts from the nostalgic feel the reader is initially given which i find is really nice.

“He grinned his toothy grin, and we locked our pinkies, still a little chubby with youth.”
this sentence is absolutely adorable and beautifully written :0

i feel like the mention of war is abrupt, and with the characters being ten years old, it could just be a way to add to their character, but i almost wish there were a bit more details about the war to really emphasize the kids' sadness from it, especially in the next paragraph.
also, “father's” should be “fathers” because the apostrophe makes the word possessive or a contraction but the way you use “father's” isn't either. <3
i also feel like the switch from the topic of war to the cookies is sudden, and it would sound better if it flowed better, though that could just be my preference.

"'Goodbye, Peter,' I said, as he began to descend down the ladder.“
you forgot to make the name capitalized and add a comma after the dialogue ^^

”'Goodbye, Wendy,' he finally said and then he was gone.“
hmm i feel like there should be a comma somewhere in here, or you can just split it into two sentences! maybe ”'Goodbye, Wendy ‘ he finally said. And then he was gone.“ or you could make ”And then he was gone" into a different paragraph to add emphasis?

the last two sentences hit like a truck omg - it’s beautiful! you could leave it ending with a bang, but i also think it would be great to explain how he didn't keep his promise! maybe he died (character torture yippee!), found another special someone, moved, etc?

overall, this is such a brilliantly written piece. i love the bittersweetness of it all, and using two young characters to tell a deep story is a hard feat to accomplish (at least for me), and you did it incredibly :0 best of luck in the writing comp! <3
ChueyTheCat
Scratcher
500+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

quick critique for skylar 223 words

Milkysplash wrote:

Writing Comp Entry - Sometimes, All It Takes Is A Whole Lotta Cat Food

“Renée, you did not just-” Robert was either in shock or absolutely done, and Renée still couldn’t tell which one it was, even after three years of marriage and six of being in a relationship. She had just opened the door when he called, and now saw Robert looking at her, then at the cat, then back to her. Renée smiled as she walked through the doorway, holding a tiny kitten in her arms, having returned rather late from the day shift.
AHAHA- I love how this starts! I only have a couple of edits to suggest here. First, the sentence “she had just opened the door…(etc)” is a bit awkwardly worded; perhaps consider wording it more along these lines: “She'd just opened the door when he called, and now Robert was looking at her, then at the cat, then back to her / Robert's gaze was bouncing from her to the cat.”
“It was on the road,” Renée said, stroking the kitten as she held it. “I couldn’t just leave it there.” She continued stroking the cat and her voice went higher. “Couldn’t I, you tiny little fluffball?”

Renée was not one to make impulsive, rash decisions, but there was a cat on the side of the road, and her heart had exploded. The kitten was a scruffy tabby, perhaps the scruffiest Renée had ever seen, but she was a cat in need of help.
I'd clarify “was not the one to make…(etc)” with a “usually,” since it appears that she has in fact just made an impulsive and rash decision. The flow might also improve if you replaced “there was” with “she'd seen.”
Robert sighed. “I suppose we have been talking about getting a pet in the house, but this was not what I was expecting.” He was clearly annoyed, Renée knew, having dealt with her rather crazy antics over the years. “But you could have at least called.”

“It was seven thirty. I was exhausted,” Renée replied, the exhaustion clearly showing in her voice. “I completely forgot to call you.”
Since you've already stated that she's exhausted, you could show it more subtly by saying something like “her tone was strained” or “her voice was quiet.” You don't always need to show, not tell, but it can help bring richer description into your writing, as well as help prevent overstating things.
“Your communication skills are terrible.” Robert sighed.

“I know.” Renée grinned, continuing to stroke the kitten.

Renée looked at Robert. “And, before you say anything else, rescue cats are better than ones that have been bred. I’m sure Ally would appreciate and love this little one -” she waved one of the kitten’s tiny paws, “- just as much as any other cat.” Renée buried her face in the cat’s scruffy fur, making a point to show Robert how much she loved the kitten. “Please?”

Robert reluctantly held out his arms to take the cat, and Renée passed the kitten into his arms. As she leaned down to untie her shoes, she heard a sudden thud and watched the kitten leap back towards her arms.

“Woah, woah, woah!” Renée laughed, stumbling backwards and trying her best to catch the kitten. “He’s safe, I promise.” She stroked the cat lightly, trying to calm it down after such a sudden experience.

“I suppose we could have the cat…” Robert started, and Renée felt the sweet taste of victory on her tongue.

“… only for a night.”

Renée felt her heart drop. A night? This kitten was attached to her. Properly attached to her. She couldn’t just… adopt it out!

“Come on,” Renée pleaded, coddling the cat once more. “She loves me. She’s attached to me. If you take her away, it’s like taking her away from a parent.”

There was silence between them for a few minutes, before Robert began to speak.

“How did you even get it to like you that much?” Robert asked. Renée could tell he was still clearly reeling from the shock of having a cat jump out of his arms, and was trying to soothe some of the pain of rejection.

“Sometimes,” Renée smiled, “all it takes is a whole lotta cat food.”
Aw this was such a cute little piece <3 I don't have very many notes here, just remember to “show” when you can and it's appropriate for the moment, and think about the flow of your sentences - can you rearrange any words to smooth them out?
Thanks for letting me critique, and good luck in the comp!! I'm rooting for you
ChueyTheCat
Scratcher
500+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Hi Muxa! I won't be doing this like a regular critique, since you specifically asked for ways to shorten it - instead, I'll use strikethroughs to show where I think you can reduce it! If I feel I need to explain them, I'll add a little note in italics after it as well. Suggested word replacements will be in bold.

The chatter and action turmoil within the bright, stone walled hallway starkly contrasted the slow-moving business of the city in slumber that was just outside of the window peaceful, slumbering city outside. The council was making their way down the hallway and into the meeting room. Guards stood watch outside of the door, holding magic tipped spears within their paws. (It's nice but not necessary to explain what weapons they're using.)
The council were adorned with formal décor, though Virna had a bit more of a subtle appearance compared to the rest was more subtly dressed. They were led by a large navy-colored eshizuru. He dipped his head respectfully to the guards as they passed through the entryway to the meeting room. (It's also not essential to describe the order in which the procession went, especially since, as an excerpt from a larger piece, too many details from your world's culture and people will overwhelm your readers. Normally, the rule I like to follow is “if I can't explain it under the word count, it isn't in the word count” - and reading over that I have no idea if it makes sense so uh basically if you don't have room to explain, just don't bother putting it in, unless it's something really essential and will make sense even without explanation.)
“It has been a while, hasn’t it?” Jujsa spoke as she stepped through. Virna nodded along with the rest of the council before they all sat down into their designated seating areas.
“Only a couple of months, not too long,” Virna mused. It felt like a while, but it really had only been a couple of months. Council meetings had to be frequent, though Virna felt that they were far too infrequent for his likings. Still, it seemed like much longer.
“I do wish they were more frequent, though. There are a lot of important matters to discuss in these meetings…” Virna said, trailing off a bit. His eyes flashed a glance at Keyka to his left.
“More frequent?” Keyka echoed, her eyes narrowed at the younger council member. She giggled and shook her head with a smile on her face. Virna glared at her, ruffling the feathers of his wings that were resting to his side his feathers.
A loud huff came from the other side of Keyka, and the scarred eye of a burly, scarred bymian was narrowed into slits glaring at the two of them.
“That’s enough,” Elstren growled, the scraping of claws against wood could be heard from his direction his claws scraping against wood. He turned to his side to the eshizuru that was sitting there at his side.
“Any news from Ijulan, Taisi?” He asked, adjusting his wings.
“He must be ashamed to be present after his wings fell off from void’s blight,” Keyka mocked the missing council member. Virna growled at the remark.
Missing wings? Clearly you have no care-“ He snapped before being cut off.
“That will be discussed shortly when Kinura Adekhi ey Celstja arrives,” Taisi responded, raising his voice over the silent laughter. He stood up straight, towering over the rest of the council that sat there. Virna lowered his head every time he spoke, even if he had equal authority as the rest of them.
The pale bymian that sat across from Virna blinked. A smile crept up onto her face.
“How intriguing…” Kinu whispered, her low voice sounding like a song capable of putting one into a trance softly-sung lullaby.
“Does it have to do with Canaixa?” The narrow-eyed bymian to the left of her opened his eyes to scowl. His face scrunched up with pure disdain for the words that he spoke scowled.
“I would assume not,” Virna spoke up, “We have been on neutral terms with them.”
“They haven’t overstepped the line in Arys, so likely not to do with Canaixa, Nanyi ey Neroka,” Kinu laughed, turning to look directly at the bymian. She was easily dwarfed by him due to her smaller stature. Her bright yellow eyes stared up at his narrowed blue eyes.
Suddenly, the door swung open. Two guards had opened it to allow a spotted cloaked feline to enter. He sat down at the empty spot of the table right of Virna. Virna dipped his head respectfully to the newcomer, though no one else seemed to.
“Ah, Kinura Adekhi, you have arrived,” Taisi grinned from the opposite end of the table. He tapped his claw against the table expectingly.
“End your squabbling, it is time to begin the meeting,” Adekhi narrowed his eyes at the rest of them, flicking his scarred right ear. He took out a couple of papers from his bags and set them onto the table for all of them to see. A map of Unebia appeared before them on the table, markers of different regions and territories were all visible.
“The reconnection with the rest of Ieunqa is in progress still. No specifics on it as of right now. Aid from Cxivosi Circle on research is still pending, not sure when they will respond,” Adekhi began, glancing over to Virna.
“I am no longer one of the heads of research in Cxivosi Circle. It has been a messy couple of months transitioning the subordinates I previously were leading to a new head of research There's been some difficulties with transitioning the subordinates I was leading to a new research head. I will fetch your letter and deliver it to Estell promptly,” Virna nodded. Unless it is a matter for Myuta… He contemplated.
“… Unless you need me to pass it onto Myuta. However, I am sure that Estell would pass it upwards to her if so,” Virna concluded. Adekhi nodded, looking back down at the papers and moving through them. Virna did not want to pry in potentially secret business, but it appeared to mostly be a list of important items for discussion.
“I am also wanting to consult Cxivosi Circle on the research pertaining to void’s blight. It is extremely important that we solve this illness,” The Kinura sighed. Virna nodded, wishing he had something to write this all down on to work on when he returned home. He glanced around in search of something to write on and write with, but only found the scowling faces of the rest of the council. They truly have no care for these problems within Unebia… Virna frowned, turning back to Adekhi.
Adekhi gazed up from the papers to look at Taisi across from him.
“Ijulan is absent to handle a situation in the south with Criza. Merchants that were returning from Criza were attacked on the trade route north into Osia Lyera. It has since been considered unsafe to travel,” Adekhi explained. The map changed to present the problem as described. The south Zornoth isles were marked in red along with the trade route marker.
“Did we lose any airships?” Keyka questioned, “I am sure Virna would have a great time sorting out the creation of new airships.”
“We have plenty in stores in store in Cximia. I do not oversee the airship creation, only the storing of airships made by the Yin family south in Enth,” Virna shook his head.
“I will send some right away if needed-“
“No need,” Adekhi said, “no airships were destroyed, only looted. This likely is an isolated incident, though it is cause for concern.”
“I have intel from the south that Criza is planning an attack,” Taisi spoke up. The rest of the council quickly turned their heads towards Taisi. Virna was stunned by that remark. Another war? This time with Criza? He scowled.
Kinu hissed across from him, “those savages… Think they can take our land?!”
“They have grown considerably since the wars against Iralux years ago-“
“How dare they take advantage of us-“
“Enough!” Adekhi stood up, shouting at the erupting council chatter. The discussion slowly died down before everyone finally turned attentively towards his direction.
“We will assemble an army for when that time comes, revive the special forces if we have to. For now, we will keep a tight watch on Criza and their behavior. If needed, I will personally speak to the Crizan leaders,” He announced. It was not enough to appease the disturbed council as whispers still brewed among them. Virna was silent, contemplating what this all meant.
Adekhi was also silent to his right. Virna turned over to observe the ruler of Unebia. He never knew didn't know Adekhi personally, only ever interacting with him for business and council purposes. It was difficult to read him due to this. Virna believed that he cared deeply about the conflicts that troubled Unebia. It was difficult to read him, but Virna believed he cared deeply about Unebia's conflicts.
“I say we fight them. Bite off the head before it bites us,” Kinu sang, “the Enyellas will back this decision and send young fighters if necessary.”
“Do you not have a weak wingless in your ranks? What good would a bad omen do in a war?” Elstren turned to the Enyellas council member who simply was blinking at him. Not out of disbelief, but out of contempt.
“Yes, best send that dead weight off into a war than to leave it back with us,” Kinu grinned.
“We are not going to fight, yet,” Adekhi remarked, “we mustn’t provoke them until we know for certain that they are attacking us.”
“Whatever our course of action is,” Taisi began, standing up himself. The rest of the council turned their attention to the eshizuru. Virna felt the morale raise in the air around him.
“We will be able to make it through this oncoming conflict. We succeeded against Iralux so many years ago. We succeeded against the cxynis. Unebia has never been more unified than today after all of these crises, conflicts, wars, deaths, and bloodshed. Our path forward is ignited with fire and our wings burn ever brighter,” Taisi exclaimed. There was a hum and a nod in agreement.
“Let the phoenix rise from the ashes,” Kinu cried out, raising her cup.
“Let the phoenix rise from the ashes!” the table cheered. Virna was a quiet voice in the cheer. He thought he heard Adekhi completely silent during it. He didn't hear Adekhi at all.

∗ ∗ ∗

The meeting kept going on for hours, though it had been wrapped up for a while before he made for his departure. Most of it was not productive discussion filled with snide remarks. Virna played no part in the overall discussion, mostly mulling over all of the problems around Unebia. There was a lot going on throughout Unebia that was being completely blindsided by the rest of the individuals on the council.
Virna was beginning to question the point of the council. He could tell that Adekhi wanted to pull power away from the monarchy, but he was not sure what a council filled with individuals that only cared about flaunting their reputation, wealth, and power would to do aid Unebia.
Adekhi was the only one who put the bare minimum of effort, yet at the same time he was not. Taisi was another that acted, almost on his behalf even. Virna had no idea what Adekhi sought to succeed in his current position, but he had no time to ponder upon it. There was far too much to settle within Cxivosi. Perhaps his retirement would have to be pushed back a couple of years again because of the incompetence. He trusted the new heads of research, but he was not certain about the future of Unebia.
Virna let out an exhale as he gazed out of the massive palace windows. Life was moving on in the city beyond the walls, even if it was at a sluggish pace there was still life. That was what Unebia was, it was the people as a whole not the ones who controlled the nation.
He had no idea how long this would last.
The port was just as quiet as it appeared from within the palace quiet. There were few that surrounded him, mostly those who were boarding the airship to get shipments moved up to the northern port. Virna was the first one to depart from the capital as the rest of the council stayed behind to either wait for their airships to arrive or stayed back to discuss things with Taisi.
There was the sound of someone approaching in a hurry. Virna turned to see an ilustros approaching him adorned in armor. She appeared to be one of the guards underneath Taisi or from Elstren – either way, she had to have been someone told to speak to him. He had never seen this ilustros in his life, but Virna could tell that he was intentionally approaching him.
“Ah, Virna ey Cximia, I finally caught up to you,” the ilustros said.
“I was sent by Taisi to escort you. With the latest news, it may not be safe for you to depart without an escort,” she explained before Virna could inquire.
“Very well,” Virna nodded, not commenting further. The ilustros followed along with him as he went over to wait for the arrival of the Cxivosi airship. Virna had planned ahead of time for it to arrive so that he would have to avoid the incessant flaunting of the other council members.
Eventually the airship arrived, Virna and his escort immediately boarded first. Not many were boarding at that hour due to the unexpected reschedule, and it was by his own request for as few to be on board.
Virna made his way down into the lower quarters with his escort.
“What’s your name?” he glanced over to the ilustros following him.
“That is not important, sir.”
“I would rather not call you my escort,” Virna mused, gazing out of the window that overlooked the darkness below.
The airship began descending ascending into the sky, heading north towards the port on the north side of Zornoth. There was much silence between them, the ilustros refusing to share her own name. He sat there, gazing out at the scenery that he was hovering above. Virna wished to not pry, even if he was beginning to question if she had come from Taisi.
The moment he turned his back his body went cold, and his vision went black. There was nothing that could save him. The last thing he heard were screams and shouts, the overwhelming nothingness taking him in its embrace.

I haven't done an exact word count with my revisions in place, but hopefully my suggestions will help reduce the word count some! I also noticed when I was reading through that you didn't use contractions very often, especially when characters were talking - I understand that may have been due to trying to make it clear that they were in a more solemn, serious mood, but it also eats up space in the word count. I'd suggest using uncontracted words for emphasis, and contracting the rest for space reasons.
I don't have any other notes here, so good luck with your final polishing!! You're a great writer and I hope you place <3

Word count (for personal records): 352 words

Last edited by ChueyTheCat (March 24, 2025 23:52:29)

Lili-in-the-valley
Scratcher
9 posts

swc megathread: march '25

The Tree, and What He Forgets
Writing comp entry (fanfiction, the hunger games lol)
420 words

The trees could not remember a time the grove was empty. Since the eldest began to stretch her arms up to the sky, the people flocked to it.
No, flocked was not the right word. Those workers are not joyful. Their eyes, though alive, were hollow and dull. The backs of the old were hunched from years of bending over to pick food that their lips would never touch.
The orchards could see, if that’s what you want to ask. How else would they know where the sun was? How else would they be able to weep instead of shriek when the youthful hands grabbed on and on?
They could hear, too.
They heard about so many things.

About the widow’s son, who broke down in tears when somebody called his sister’s name.
About the youngest girl in the fields, who was too small to help above and too frail to seed and dig.
About her sister, who could outdo the birds with her tunes.

Those orchards? They heard a lot about the sister.

They heard her voice every night, saying it was time to escape the fields again.

They felt her hands, pulling higher and higher everyday because nobody else could.

They never learned her name, they’ll admit. Names are hard for trees. That’s why they have sight and hearing. To listen and notice and forget a thousand times.
If it bothers the trees in the orchard, they don’t talk about it.
They don’t talk about much.

One day, a young tree, really no more than a sprout, asked why they didn’t remember names.
His mama just laughed in the wind-swaying way plants do and said that it was just how things were. The sapling nodded, though still confused, and let the subject fall from his mind.

A few years, or maybe days, later, the orchard was empty. For reasons none of the trees could tell, once a day, on the same day every year, it was void of people. And for reasons none of the trees could tell, the next day would be silent. Not completely silent. No, there was always a hum. A murmur of something, a word usually. It faded, mostly, though sometimes it would stay, and then turn into a roar, or die.
On that day of the silent orchard, even with not a soul in sight, the sapling could swear he heard a word that meant sorrow.
He thought it meant something else, certainly.
Nobody would mourn the loss of such a horrible thing.

Last edited by Lili-in-the-valley (March 25, 2025 21:57:17)

smalltoe
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Storyline Challenge
350 words about a pirate

If his boat sank one more time, Captain Sinker was going to resign.
That’s what they had announced to their ship’s crew yesterday afternoon. Red in the face, soaked to the skin, yelling from one of the many barnacle encrusted rocks littering the shore of the island they’d been washed up on, waving a splintered plank from what was once their boat.
Their crew only scoffed and rolled their eyes. They knew Captain Sinker never followed through on their threats.
Well, they were going to this time. If only to spite their skeptical crew. Sinker didn’t even like their crew anyway.
That was a lie.
Anyway. No matter how much Sinker liked their un-trusty crew, they would resign from their position the next time someone blew something on their own ship up or drove it into jagged rocks or made any kind of ship-destroying mistake.
It wouldn’t be long. Sinker would bet three days.
At least the crew had gotten rather good at making makeshift rafts.
Or, one would hope.
As of now, the knots in the vines were falling apart and the bamboo was splintering, tied at awkward angles and balancing precariously. One wave would tear the whole thing apart. Inevitably, Sinker would help their useless friends get something sea-worthy together. But right now, they were too busy sulking.
One of the first mates surveyed the mess, head tilted as if in concentration. “But should we use coconuts or oranges?”
“To do what?” Sinker spluttered.
“To help it float,” The first mate responded, dismissively.
“Whole or quartered?” Another crew member added, somewhat nonsensically.
“You know what’ll help it float?” Someone else interrupted. “These!”
They brandished a handful of feathers.
No,” Sinker sobbed. “Do any of you have any semblance of a brain—”
“Shut up, he’s onto something,” the first mate pushed in front of the flustered captain. “Perhaps these seagull feathers will even make the raft—”
Fly!” the crew members crowed in unison.
“That isn’t how—”
“Come on Captain! Help us!”
Sinker instead stomped off, refusing to associate with their shenanigans.
There was no way they’d be able to make a raft fly. Using seagull feathers, of all things? Absurd. Idiotic.

opheliio
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Snowflower

I will not put to paper the pig’s heart. Let it be an apple. Ugly enough that I crushed an apple against my heart, without splashing its warmth on my chest. Terrible enough to waste a sweet fruit, without a nursing sow losing her life, without the piglets screeching for her return.
Snowflower’s screams joined theirs, as I squeezed red from flesh. Might have been a convincing fake, if my child’s voice did not carry so far.
It tore me apart; I am torn. Do I let her go free, let the wild do what it wills with my monstrosity? Or do I go after her, take responsibility for my creation, atone for my actions, take its end into my own hands? Take her end into my own hands.
How could God flood His own world? After failure, how does an artist start again?

Once, I thought myself a Madonna. For I brought forth life, alone, as a god.
Yet I am a failed mother.
I was trusted with a blossoming flower, a girl, and in my vanity I destroyed her. My wishes for beauty are the ruin, the rotting core.

I hope they will forgive me, for letting her get away, though I cannot forgive myself.
Oh God, forgive me, for I was never meant to take such matters of life and death into my own hands. Oh God, I have tasted the forbidden fruit and want back into the beautiful garden of ignorance. How is it, in seven years, I created, I loved, I feared, and I lost my darling child of white snow?

I only wanted a daughter. I only wanted her for myself. Let the rest of the world fall, forget the rest. I wanted her beauty as proof of my own.
In her, I saw beauty is horror. I looked at her darling face, and wished to draw my nails across it. To scar her would be justice. To scar her would save her.
The most perfectly beautiful girl could never be safe, even in the highest tower, even drowned at the bottom of the sea. Man would find her, wed her, somehow.
She was all wrong. She is too much.
My most beloved Snowflower, crafted of selfish prayers and a queen’s desire for a peer, I endowed her, in those first moments in the snow, with a curse.
Only I can undo it.

I had to get her heart back in my hands. Still I must. Then I can start again. Then I can do it right, can give her what she deserves. She will be a laughing little girl, rather than one always startled. She will look herself in the mirror without shadows snatching at her face. What had I chained her to? All that attention I locked myself away to escape. And I thought with a child… but no.
No artist ever gets it right on the first draft. I know I can do it right, if I can take her all apart. Breath new life into the snow, the blood, the heart.
So there is my decision; I am torn no longer.

I must go to her, my Snowflower, and cut her heart out myself.

⋆❆˚。₊⊹❅⋆

Author’s Note
In this short story, I wanted to explore the complicated mother-daughter relationship between the Queen and Snow White in the original Grimms’ fairy tale, using a creator-creation dynamic to explore themes of beauty, regret, and the cycle of creativity and destruction. The Grimms’ “Snow White” stood out to me because the Queen is Snow White’s mother rather than step-mother, and the jealousy and hatred reminded me of the dynamic between Frankenstein and the creature in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. I worked with this relationship and flesh out both characters, but particularly the Queen, who in the original has almost no character traits or motivation beyond jealousy. Other touch points and inspirations for this story include the creation myths and story of Jesus’ birth from the Bible, Daisy Buchanan’s comments on her hopes for her daughter in The Great Gatsby, and the story of Pygmalion.

Last edited by opheliio (March 25, 2025 02:00:28)

FairyAyla
Scratcher
100+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

Ayla's non-fanfiction writing Comp entry
Spider potluck story
Tapping one of her many dark colored legs anxiously, Black Widow held her clipboard as she impatiently waited for everyone to arrive. She had set up all of the tables and chairs, which she had found in some of the old boxes in the basement, and with a little help from some local ants (whom she had to promise not to eat) she managed to get them down from the giant dusty old boxes. Since it was a potluck, she had brought fly casserole; A spider classic. She just hoped that everyone else wouldn’t bring flies too. She had tried to organize a spred sheet, but no ever listens; at least she got everyone to promise not to bring other spiders as food. Goodness, this was a bit of a mess. Hopely everyone would arrive soon.
“Yo! Hey Widow!” Called Jumping Spider, pulling Black Widow out of her thoughts as they jumped down from the open basement window. “Oh, hi Jumper. What food are you bringing again?”
“A fly! Best food ever!”
“But i’m bringing fly casserole!”
“Well you didn’t tell me!”
“Yes i did- Oh never mind.” Black Widow said, rolling her many eyes. Hopefully everyone else will be bringing something else other then flies. “Hello Black Widow! I’m here!” Pink Crab Spider called as she crawled down from the window too “I brought a bee!”
“Great!” Black Widow said. See? No need to worry. “Just set them down on the tables please!” Jumping Spider and Pink Crab Spider set down their dishes on the table.
Crawling down from the window came Diving Bell Spider “I brought fish!”
“Great! Set it on the table please.”
Next came Goliath Tarantula “Here from my flight! Impressive what humans can do you know! I brought a bird! I hope there’s enough for everyone!”
“…There definitely should be! Put it, uhhh, next to the table..?” Black Widow said, looking a bit unsure, as the bird was a lot bigger then the table. Okay, well, i have a lot of spider to check off now! Jumping Spider, check! Pink Crab Spider, check! Diving Bell Spider, Check! Goliath Tarantula, check! And of course, me. We still have some spiders to go… but hopefully they will show up soon! “Hey ya Black Widow! Me and the kids are here!” Said Wolf Spider as she jumped down from the window, her abdomen covered with baby spiders. “I hope i’m not late! I brought a moth!”
“Cool! You can put in it on the table!” Wolf spider set down her moth on the table
“Mooooom, when can we eat?” Complained one of Wolf Spiders babies
“Soon, dear, for now snack on your egg sac”
“Okayyy”
“Okay! We should good, hopefully everyone else will arrive soon!” Black Widow said, crossing off Wolf Spider on her check list. “Heyyy Cuz!” Called Trianglet Combfoot Spider, or False Widow. They weren’t exactly cousins, but they were closely related so it worked. “Heyy, what did you bring?”
“Fruit flies, little appetizer time thing, ya know?”
“Got it!” Black Widow checked off Trianglet Combfoot Spider and wrote Fruit Flies next to it. “Set it on the table please!”
“Will do, Cuz!”
Okay. Things are going well and we have almost everyone. Just wanting for Ant mimic i think. Maybe a few other too. Black Widow held her clip board anxiously. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay, Cuz.” Trianglet Combfoot Spider said, patting her on the shoulder(ish, spiders don’t really have shoulders.) “…Thanks, Trianglet Combfoot”
“No worries.”
Crawling from the window came Ant Mimic “I brought some food from the ants! They say the humans are having some sorta party potluck time thing upstairs too! Weird i am right?”
“Ant Mimic! There you are! I was beginning to worry you weren’t coming!” Black Widow said
“Nope! Like they say, an Ant Mimic Spider never forgets!”
“…No one says that.” Trianglet Combfoot Spider said. Ant Mimic glared at her (If spiders can glare) “…Anyway, go stick your food on the table please” Black Widow said.
“Oh wow, look at all this sweet food!” Ant Mimic said, placing the food on the table.
“Ew, you smell like ants.” Said one of Wolf Spider’s babies to Ant Mimic
“Be polite, dear!” Wolf Spider scolded
“Sorry.”
“Apologize to Ant Mimic, not me.”
“I’m sorry i said you smell like ants.”
“No worries, little buddy! I guess must still have some ant pheromones on me!” Ant Mimic said “Who all do we have left to come? I’m getting hungry!” Jumping Spider said. “Well i guess we can start…”
“Heyyyyyyyyy, i’m here!” Peacock Spider called, jumping down from the window, “Brought some ants for my meal!”
“Hello, i am here” Called Golden Orb Weaver Spider. “I brought some grasshopper.”
“Alright, i think that is everyone!” Black Widow said, checking off Ant Mimic, Peacock Spider, and Golden Orb Weaver Spider. “Alright, lets eat!”
Everyone sat down at the tables (at least sat down the best they could.) And began eating and chatting. Okay. I think this was successful! Black Widow thought. “Come on Cuz! Let’s eat!” Trianglet Combfoot said. And they all did, eating and talking and complementing each other.
The End

860 words
Broken-Ice
Scratcher
18 posts

swc megathread: march '25

☀ Muxa :: Writing Competition Entry ☀
Non-Fanfiction Entry
Notes

This is the prologue from the novel I've been working on! I hope it's enjoyable - if you found this interesting lmk!! Like please i need to inject motivation into my veins
The lively stone-walled hallway contrasted with the slumbering city outside. The council was making their way down the hallway and into the meeting room. Guards stood watch outside of the door, holding magic tipped spears within their paws.
The council, led by a purple eshizuru, were adorned with formal décor, though Virna had a bit more of a subtle appearance compared to the rest. He dipped his head respectfully to the guards as they passed through the entryway to the meeting room.
“It has been a while, hasn’t it?” Jujsa spoke as she stepped through. Virna nodded along with the rest of the council before they all sat down into their designated seating areas.
“Only a couple of months,” Virna mused. It felt like it had been longer.
“I do wish they were more frequent, though…” Virna said, trailing off. His eyes flashed a glance at Keyka to his left.
“More frequent?” Keyka echoed, her eyes narrowed at the younger council member. She giggled and shook her head with a smile on her face. Virna glared at her, ruffling the feathers of his wings that were resting to his side.
A loud huff came from the other side of Keyka, the scarred eye of a burly bymian was narrowed into slits at the two of them.
“Any news from Ijulan, Taisi?” He asked, adjusting his wings.
“He must be ashamed to be present after his wings fell off from void’s blight,” Keyka mocked the missing council member. Virna growled at the remark.
“Missing wings? Clearly you have no care-“ Virna snapped.
“That will be discussed shortly when Kinura Adekhi ey Celstja arrives,” Taisi responded with his voice raised, cutting him off. He stood up straight, towering over the rest of the council that sat there. Despite their equal authority, Virna lowered his head when Taisi spoke.
“Does it have to do with Canaixa?” The narrow-eyed bymian across the table opened his eyes to scowl. His face scrunched up with pure disdain for the words that he spoke.
“I would assume not,” Virna spoke up, “We have been on neutral terms with them.”
“They haven’t overstepped the line in Arys, so likely not to do with Canaixa, Nanyi ey Neroka,” Kinu laughed, turning to look directly at the bymian. She was easily dwarfed by him due to her smaller stature. Her bright yellow eyes stared up at his narrowed blue eyes.
Suddenly, the door swung open. Two guards had opened it to allow a spotted cloaked feline to enter. He sat down at the empty spot of the table right of Virna. Virna dipped his head respectfully to the newcomer, though no one else seemed to.
“Ah, Kinura Adekhi, you have arrived,” Taisi grinned from the opposite end of the table. He tapped his claw against the table expectingly.
“It is time to begin the meeting,” Adekhi narrowed his eyes at the rest of them, flicking his scarred right ear. He took out a couple of papers from his bags and set them onto the table for all of them to see. A map of Unebia appeared before them on the table.
“The reconnection with the rest of Ieunqa is in progress still. No specifics on it as of right now. Aid from Cxivosi Circle on research is still pending, not sure when they will respond,” Adekhi began, glancing over to Virna.
“I am no longer one of the heads of research in Cxivosi Circle. It has been a messy couple of months transitioning the subordinates I previously were leading to a new head of research. I will fetch your letter and deliver it to Estell promptly,” Virna nodded.
“… Unless you need me to pass it onto Myuta. However, I am sure that Estell would pass it upwards to her if so,” Virna concluded. Adekhi nodded, looking back down at the papers and moving through them. Virna did not want to pry in potentially secret business, but it looked to be a list of important items for discussion.
“I am also wanting to consult Cxivosi Circle on the research pertaining to void’s blight. It is extremely important that we solve this illness,” The Kinura sighed. Virna nodded, wishing he had something to write this all down on to work on when he returned home. He glanced around in search of something to write on and write with, but only found the scowling faces of the rest of the council. They truly have no care for these problems within Unebia… Virna frowned, turning back to Adekhi.
Adekhi gazed up from the papers to look at Taisi across from him.
“Ijulan is absent to handle a situation in the south with Criza. Merchants that were returning from Criza were attacked on the trade route north into Osia Lyera. It has since been considered unsafe to travel,” Adekhi explained. The map changed to present the problem as described. The south Zornoth isles were marked in red along with the trade route marker.
“Did we lose any airships?” Keyka questioned, “I am sure Virna would have a great time sorting out the creation of new airships.”
“We have plenty in stores in store in Cximia. I do not oversee the airship creation, only the storing of airships made by the Yin family south in Enth,” Virna shook his head.
“I will send some right away if needed-“
“No need,” Adekhi said, “no airships were destroyed, only looted. This likely is an isolated incident, though it is cause for concern.”
“I have intel from the south that Criza is planning an attack,” Taisi spoke up. The rest of the council turned. Another war? He scowled.
Kinu hissed across from him, “those savages… Think they can take our land?!”
“They have grown considerably since the wars against Iralux years ago-“
“How dare they take advantage of us-“
“Enough!” Adekhi stood up, shouting at the erupting council chatter. The discussion slowly died down before everyone finally turned attentively towards his direction.
“We will assemble an army for when that time comes, revive the special forces if we have to. For now, we will keep a tight watch on Criza and their behavior. If needed, I will personally speak to the Crizan leaders,” He announced. It was not enough to appease the disturbed council as whispers still brewed among them. Virna was silent, contemplating what this all meant.
Adekhi was also silent to his right. Virna turned over to observe the ruler of Unebia. He never knew Adekhi personally, only ever interacting with him for business and council purposes. It was difficult to read him due to this. Virna believed that he cared deeply about the conflicts that troubled Unebia.
“I say we fight them. Bite off the head before it bites us,” Kinu sang, “the Enyellas will back this decision and send young fighters if necessary.”
“Do you not have a weak wingless in your ranks? What good would a bad omen do in a war?” Elstren turned to the Enyellas council member who simply was blinking at him. Not out of disbelief, but out of contempt.
“Yes, best send that dead weight off into a war than to leave it back with us,” Kinu grinned.
“We are not going to fight, yet,” Adekhi remarked, “we mustn’t provoke them until we know for certain that they are attacking us.”
“Whatever our course of action is,” Taisi began, standing up himself. The rest of the council turned their attention to the eshizuru. Virna felt the morale raise in the air around him.
“We will be able to make it through this oncoming conflict. We succeeded against Iralux so many years ago. We succeeded against the cxynis. Unebia has never been more unified than today after all of these crises, conflicts, wars, deaths, and bloodshed. Our path forward is ignited with fire and our wings burn ever brighter,” Taisi exclaimed. There was a hum and a nod in agreement.
“Let the phoenix rise from the ashes,” Kinu cried out, raising her cup.
“Let the phoenix rise from the ashes!” the table cheered. Virna was a quiet voice in the cheer. He thought he heard Adekhi completely silent.

∗ ∗ ∗

The meeting kept going for hours, though it had been wrapped up for a while before he made for his departure. Most of it was not productive discussion filled with snide remarks, in which he spent mulling over the issues around Unebia. There was a lot going on throughout Unebia that was being completely blindsided by the rest of the individuals on the council.
Virna was beginning to question the point of the council. He could tell that Adekhi wanted to pull power away from the monarchy, but he was not sure what a council filled with individuals that only cared about flaunting their reputation, wealth, and power would to do aid Unebia.
Adekhi was the only one who put the bare minimum of effort, yet at the same time he was not. Taisi was another that acted, almost on his behalf even. Virna had no idea what Adekhi sought to succeed in his current position, but he had no time to ponder upon it. Perhaps his retirement would have to be pushed back a couple of years again because of the incompetence. He trusted the new heads of research, but he was uncertain about the future of Unebia.
Virna let out an exhale as he gazed out of the massive palace windows. Life moved on beyond the glass. That was what Unebia was, it was the people as a whole not the ones who controlled the nation.
He had no idea how long this would last.
The port was just as quiet as it appeared from within the palace. There were few that surrounded him, mostly those who were boarding the airship to get shipments moved up to the northern port. Virna was the first one to depart from the capital as the rest of the council stayed behind to either wait for their airships to arrive or stayed back to discuss things with Taisi.
There was the sound of someone approaching in a hurry. Virna turned to see an ilustros approaching him adorned in armor. She had to have been someone told to speak to him. He had never seen this ilustros in his life, but Virna could tell that he was intentionally approaching him.
“Ah, Virna ey Cximia, I finally caught up to you,” the ilustros said.
“I was sent by Taisi to escort you. With the latest news, it may not be safe for you to depart without an escort,” she explained before Virna could inquire.
“Very well,” Virna nodded, not commenting further. The ilustros followed along with him as he went over to wait for the arrival of the Cxivosi airship that was planned ahead of time for it to arrive so that he would have to avoid the incessant flaunting of the other council members.
Eventually the airship arrived, Virna and his escort immediately boarded first. Not many were boarding at that hour due to the unexpected reschedule, and it was by his own request for as few to be on board.
Virna made his way down into the lower quarters with his escort.
“What’s your name?” he glanced over to the ilustros following him.
“That is not important, sir.”
“I would rather not call you my escort,” Virna mused.
The airship began descending into the sky, heading north towards the port on the north side of Zornoth. There was much silence between them. He sat there, gazing out at the scenery that he was hovering above. Virna wished to not pry, even if he was beginning to question if she had come from Taisi.
The moment he turned his back his body went cold with the faint sound of screams, darkness closed in.

1971 words
Duckily_the_Great
Scratcher
61 posts

swc megathread: march '25

WRITING COMPETITION ENTRY
Word count: 1903 words
Notes: I originally wrote this for a school assignment, but after doing a bit of editing decided it was writing contest-worthy! Honestly, this is one of my favorite stories that I've written, so I was excited to submit it.

Another Case For the Books

A scream pierced the quiet night. Glass shattered. A gunshot, and then a thud was heard as a body hit the ground, dead.
Early the next morning, the detective surveyed the room closely, gingerly stepping around the body in the middle of the floor. He had been called to Lord Shufflebottom’s house for a reason, one seemingly simple: find the murderer. Detective John Wildingham, however, felt differently. Cases were never as simple as they looked. The large window in the corner of the room was shattered, its glass scattered across the floor. Footsteps led to and from the body laying in the center of the room. Although there were no fingerprints on the window, the detective knew that the murderer must have come through, and then escaped through the window.
The study’s door had been locked the entire night, and only Lord Shufflebottom had the key. So how Lady Shufflebottom got into Lord Shufflebottom’s study was another mystery inside the large one. When Shufflebottom had found out about the murder, he was so shocked, he fainted. None of the household staff had been in the room, so the crime scene was intact.
Detective Wildingham decided to study the victim’s body. Next to his feet, Lady Shufflebottom looked deceptively peaceful, as if she could be sleeping. Yet that was not the case. Semi-dried blood was mingled on the floor with the shards of glass surrounding the woman. She was most certainly dead. As the detective knelt for a closer look, the door creaked open. Standing in the doorway was Lord Shufflebottom. In one hand, he held a jelly donut, in the other, a handkerchief. Frantically mopping at his balding head with the handkerchief, he- quite ironically, given his name- shuffled across the floor. Lord Shufflebottom, one of London’s most important lords, was a chubby, chronically red-faced man who typically lounged around his house all day, waited on by servants.
Shufflebottom was quite rich, and usually dressed in the finest apparel. However, today’s outfit was in stark contrast to his normal attire. However, because of the shock of his cousin’s death, Lord Shufflebottom was clothed in a worn-out bathrobe with a dirty pair of house shoes.
Lady Shufflebottom was not, as one might think, Lord Shufflebottom’s wife. In fact, she was quite unimportant. Lady Shufflebottom was a distant cousin of Lord Shufflebottom’s and he had very little emotional connection to her. Lord Shufflebottom, after staring at the body in a bit of shock for a while, gave Detective Wildingham a few pieces of information.
Apparently, Lady Shufflebottom was just visiting for a short time. As for the reason why she was in his study, Lord Shufflebottom had absolutely no idea. As Lord Shufflebottom explained this, a singular tear rolled down his cheek. Perhaps he was more affected by Lady Shufflebottom’s death than one may have thought.
“Did Lady Shufflebottom have any enemies here in London?” Detective Wildingham asked Lord Shufflebottom.
“Not that I can think of!” exclaimed Lord Shufflebottom, who was now munching on a slice of crusty chocolate cake he had produced out of who-knows-where.
He let out a large burp, spraying crumbs of chocolate cake everywhere. Detective Wildingham ran a hand down his face and sighed. Could he cooperate with this dim-witted rich man? Alas, he had to, as he needed some money to pay the bills. Also, Lord Shufflebottom knew nothing about being savvy with money, and Detective Wildingham knew he could charge an outrageous fee for his services without being caught.
But back to the case. Detective Wildingham knew he needed to actually start working on the case- and fast. He expected that the murderer would be trying to escape town as quickly as possible, so he needed to find them fast. Wildingham knew that he should start by questioning the household staff, so after confirming a few more things with Lord Shufflebottom, Detective Wildingham taped off the room and told the maids to stay out. Lord Shufflebottom showed him to the parlor where Wildingham’s real investigation began. He began by interviewing each of the maids. The window that the murderer had presumably climbed through was overlooked by the maid’s quarters. If anyone was up late enough, they might’ve seen the murderer climbing through the window. Sadly, this seemed to be a dead end. The maids all had about the same story: they were out late into the night at a pub. Coming home at about 2 in the morning, they were all so drunk and sleepy that they immediately fell asleep. Wildingham was frustrated at the seemingly dead end, but continued questioning the maids.
The maids ended up mentioning that Lady Shufflebottom had been acting strangely for a few days previous. She locked herself in her room for much of the day and rarely let the staff in to clean her chambers. Lady Shufflebottom was not usually a reclusive person. She was typically smiling, friendly to the staff, and always talkative and friendly. The one time the maids were allowed in, one of the maids found a curious piece of paper on the floor. The paper seemed to be a letter, written in code. However, none of the maids had been able to translate it. They threw it in the fire, thinking it was useless.
After thanking the maids, the detective investigated the kitchen. Typically, the cook of a manor was up early in the morning, making bread or prepping the day’s meals. However, the same story was true with the chef and all the kitchen boys. The night before had been their night off, and almost every person in the house had been at the aforesaid pub.
“Well, I certainly didn’t murder Lady Shufflebottom. I was at the pub.” the cook stated, “But you know what’s odd? The stableboys, butler, and coachman all stayed home. If I were you, I’d investigate them.”
The cook also mentioned that Lady Shufflebottom had not visited merely to spend time with her cousin, as Lord Shufflebottom thought, at least according to household gossip. Instead, she visited to attempt to coerce Lord Shufflebottom into lending her some money. She had been struggling to stay afloat financially ever since her husband had died, leaving her a widow and close to penniless.
Detective Wildingham immediately turned his efforts towards these men. The coachman was first. He claimed that after punishing the abominable stable boys, who had gotten into the kitchen and were stealing food, he was so exhausted that he fell asleep right away. And he had an alibi to prove it. The stable boys were housed right next to the coachman and therefore saw his lights turn off. And none of them had seen anything suspicious that night.
One dead end after another. This day was getting long, and Detective Wildingham was becoming discouraged. Only one person was left to be interviewed- the butler. Detective Wildingham called him into the parlor. The butler, dressed in a black suit with a dashing bowtie, had bright blue eyes, a charming smile, and perfectly gelled hair, none of which were particularly suspicious. But who knew? Sometimes the least suspicious looking character was the real murderer.
He began to interrogate the butler, but he knew that there was no chance. Sure enough, the butler had everything: an alibi (playing poker with one of the stable boys) and no motive (why would he kill Lady Shufflebottom?). After Detective Wildingham checked in with the butler’s poker partner, he had to admit that everything checked out.
The butler continued his story, saying, “I didn’t even hear the gunshot! To think of Lady Shufflebottom, dead. She was so kind!”
Something felt off in that sentence. But what? The detective thought and thought and thought. His mental gears turned as his brain slowly clicked the pieces together. “Wait a minute!” he yelled, startling the butler and causing the entire staff to run into the parlor.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” the detective exclaimed, and then paused, for Lord Shufflebottom could be heard huffing up the stairs. While Lord Shufflebottom made his way towards the parlor, the detective took this chance to run to the telephone in the hall. He pounded in the number and called the police.
Once he arrived in the parlor, the detective continued.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” the detective yelled once again. “I have figured out who the murderer is!”
Everyone in the room gasped, even Lord Shufflebottom- although that might’ve been because he was still out of breath from waddling up the stairs.
“You observed that Lady Shufflebottom was close to penniless. You mentioned that her husband had died recently. Some mentioned a secret letter in code found in her chambers. I have come to the conclusion that Lady Shufflebottom was attempting to rob Shufflebottom Manor to attempt to gain some more money for herself.”
He paused, for dramatic effect, of course. Meanwhile, a crunching sound was heard in the corner as Lord Shufflebottom sheepishly munched on a chocolate chip cookie.
“Yet Lady Shufflebottom couldn’t have done this on her own. Firstly, she hasn’t visited the manor enough to know the floorplan well. Additionally, Lady Shufflebottom was murdered for seemingly no reason. The only motive I have for murder would be if she had an accomplice who decided that he- or she- didn’t want to share.”
The whole room seemed to nod as Detective Wildingham explained his theories.
“So now the question is- who was the inside man? Who murdered Lady Shufflebottom? The answer is simple. It wasn’t one of the maids. And it wasn’t the chef. It wasn’t the stable boys or the coachman. It wasn’t any of the kitchen boys. That only leaves two people: Lord Shufflebottom and Mr. Butler.”
“Lord Shufflebottom may not have an airtight alibi, but he doesn’t have any motive. He wouldn’t try to rob his own house, and he wouldn’t want to murder his own cousin. This leaves only one person: the butler.”
At this point, the butler’s eyes widened and he attempted to escape the room. The tightly packed crowd made up of the household staff was too much, however, and he was unable to escape from the parlor.
“The reaction of Mr. Butler further proves my point. And there’s one more piece of evidence that proves that the butler did it.”
“When I was interviewing the butler here,” (here he pointed to the butler, who was being restrained by the cook), “He uttered something that incriminated himself. You see, killers always make a crucial mistake: they know too much about the murder.”
“Mr. Butler stated, ‘I didn’t even hear the gunshot.’ Now, this may not seem like anything important. Yet here’s the thing. No one knew that Lady Shufflebottom had been shot. No one was awake to hear the gunshot. And I didn’t mention the fact that she had been shot to any of you.”
“Here lies my question: Mr. Butler, how did you know that Lady Shufflebottom had been shot?”
The butler’s face turned stark white. Just as the detective finished his sentence, a police officer in a dark blue uniform stepped into the room.
“Mr Butler- or whatever your real name is- you are under arrest for the murder of Lady Augustine Shufflebottom.”
As the detective sat in his office later that day, sipping a cup of tea and munching on a victory scone, he felt rejuvenated by another case solved. John Wildingham sat back, and sighed. Another one for the books.

Last edited by Duckily_the_Great (March 25, 2025 03:26:02)

FireBlood23
Scratcher
500+ posts

swc megathread: march '25

My very speedy, unofficial critique for Luna!!

OMG your writing was amazing, the way you explored the emotions and how the character would feel by not having felt them before? Its amazing!

A couple of things -

I wanted you to fear me. Or love me.
Or just notice me.
I had grown a strange quick, attachment to you, apparently, and this feeling was my favorite by far.
I don’t know why it was you that caught my attention—maybe it was because I liked how you cried to me when I stole the life from your mother’s eyes. (I didn’t know she was your mother, but I can’t say I feel sorry.)

I love this bit!!! But the end here feels like it’s unfinished, maybe adding another sentence, or going back and rewording it might help round it off better?


“Hey,” I said, placing a hand on your shoulder, stopping you before you could leave my sight.
You whirled around, frightened. I retracted my hand, feeling sorry for scaring you. ‘Sorry’ is like a wave; I felt knocked off balance as a current of guilt gnawed at my stomach.
You narrowed your eyes at me, and opened your mouth, but I cut you off before you could say anything.

During my re-reading of this, you’ve had the Pheglement feel guilt, and it might make it more impactful if you change the emotion, or add a little bit of guilt to each part to make the final one feel even more powerful?


You narrowed your eyes at me, and opened your mouth, but I cut you off before you could say anything.

“We’re supposed to be evacuating right now,” I told you.
Your eyes narrowed at me, and you pushed past me without answering.

Underneath it you’ve used ‘you narrowed yours eyes at me” twice, so maybe changing it up might be good?


Aside from that, maybe keep an eye on your bracketed bits? I understand if its your writing style, but maybe putting them on a new line?


I absolutely loved this!! It was such an interesting trope and I can’t wait to see how it turns out <33
You’re an awesome writer! <3
Broken-Ice
Scratcher
18 posts

swc megathread: march '25

☀ Muxa :: Weekly #3 ☀
HELP I WROTE 4.5K
tropes n stuff
Part 1: Trope Pros & Cons
—- Physical God
Now this trope can be a bit boring in some regards. If the god of your world was physical and real, then what about the other religions within your world? Are they real? Why would they exist? It’s a pretty interesting concept that can easily dive into some questions about the worldbuilding.
Positives:
- Deities can be pretty fun to create
- Since the god is physical in presence, it can be interesting to explore how mortals interact with their god(s)
- Lore implications, especially if it is a pantheon of physical gods. They may have had conflict in the past that may have influenced mortals
Negatives:
- What is stopping the god from becoming a sort of deus ex machina? If you create a physical god that loves their people, this can become a problem fast
- Multiple religions become questionable. If you wanted to include more religions, what would become of the gods? What do they mean after that point? I mean, someone could choose to disgrace a god and create their own religion, but this feels odd and unbelievable unless the god is actually… Not great
- Lack of mystery. Not so much of a con, but if you like or aim to have the mysterious intrigue that non-physical clear evidence that physical gods lack, this can really become a hindrance on what you are aiming to do. Of course, there are ways to circumvent this issue

—- Amnesia
Ahhh, amnesia, a part of the trope classics in my opinion. It’s one of the ways to make your main character know nothing so your readers can learn everything as your main character learns. I decided to pick amnesia as a whole instead of a particular specific trope.
Positives:
- A blank slate perspective. If your character remembers little, they must not know much about the world around them. However this can become a double edged sword as I will explain soon
- A ton of potential plot and story directions. This is a given, but with amnesia you can play the story many different ways and with many different conflicts. How does your character live with this loss of part of their life?
Negatives:
- Can be pretty cheap. There are circumstances where amnesia is played only to make the character forget something they wouldn’t reasonably forget, or to cheaply introduce the world. I know world introduction was listed as a pro, but it can also be negative if the amnesia is treated improperly
-

—- Not Now, We're Too Busy Crying Over You
The one where a character “dies” and everyone sobs except they aren’t actually dead. It’s a pretty funny trope in my opinion even though it makes not much sense depending on the context.
Positives:
- It can be utilised within something meant to be more comedic, even if it is pretty overdone
- Can be used to release tension
Negatives:
- Even though releasing tension is a positive, a release of tension is not always a good or positive thing. By having the character seem dead with everyone dramatically sobbing over their body, it can be more frustrating than comedic
- Can be unrealistic. You can usually tell when someone is dead… Given people have a pulse as well as breathe. Without these vital signs, you are pretty much dead unless there are resuscitation attempts (which mind you don’t always work). This especially doesn’t work with characters that are meant to understand this or are simply meant to be smart. You only make them look stupid, dramatic, and incompetent for sobbing over someone who is clearly likely alive if not gravely injured

—- The Chosen One
The classic chosen one trope. This one is something I think about a lot personally because there’s a lot to think about with the trope. What makes the chosen one the chosen one? How does the chosen one even work?
Positives:
- Allows for interesting conflicts or character arcs, especially revolving around what makes the character the chosen one.
- Creates a clearer sense of direction within the story, though this can easily be a drawback to the trope.
Negatives:
- Can “cheapen” the decisions made by the protagonist.
- It can also make the narrative feel far too convenient and driven purely by the “chosen one”, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Your protagonist should drive the story, but it can reach a point where it is less driving and more the story revolves around your protagonist.

—- Rivals-to-lovers
Screw enemies to lovers, I’m a sucker for rivals to lovers. It is better than enemies to lovers. My vendetta against enemies to lovers comes down to execution primarily but then you also have the huge issue of potential toxicity when you have two characters at each other’s throats and… yeah, then you have the romance between them. I mean, it can work??? But I feel like it’s just… I don’t know. I’ve read far too many protagonist, good person, falls in love with bad person who does evil deeds and it enters really weird uncomfortable territory that I’d rather not get into. BUT THIS IS ABOUT RIVALS TO LOVERS- I love me a good rivalry where the ones involved end up falling in love and the rivalry transforms into healthy and positive banter between two individuals in love. I’m not a fan of romance plots or storylines, but… eh, who am I kidding. I do enjoy romance with certain exceptions like this. Like… C’mon. People growing together through their competitiveness and rivalry and then ending up close friends and THEN lovers? Sounds really silly if executed well.
Positives:
- A lot of fun character dynamics throughout the entire arc.
Negatives:
- Can similarly fall into potentially toxic if not executed well.

Word Count: 958

Part 2: Favorite Trope
Going with rivals to friends/lovers or enemies to friends/lovers if you squint (mostly friends tho). It’s not my favorite trope of all time, but it is the only one I can really think of something for. (I say as if i hadn't written 200 words about it)
My favorite goobers… This is going to be a relatively canon scene that might not show up, but whatever!!!
I think I’ll go two POV writings of two different scenes entirely – first scene being more of butting heads and dislike, second scene being genuine care for one another and the development of feelings. (ended up doing this for part 4… lol.)

Elrinli was not frustrated by many except for his former family, those who questioned his lack of wings knowing his heritage… and Zynnisa. He didn’t necessarily hate her like he did others who frustrated him, but he was often agitated by her behavior nonetheless. He had the decency to at least try to tolerate her and to get along in the slightest, but she made it far too difficult.
“This is a team building exercise. I’m sure you all know what that is by now,” the leader exclaimed to the groups of militants.
This was one of those days where he wished that he was not here with a specific purpose in mind. Zynnisa had been selected to take charge over the squad during the drills. He didn’t like to call himself controlling or needing to take control but every time her turn rolled around for leadership practice, he found himself desiring to take charge himself.
“Your squads have been assigned a team leader for this drill. Your team leader will be the one to call the shots in this exercise, but there still must be communication between everyone. In battle, there will not always be a set leader in every circumstance.”
Elrinli had to swallow his pride like he always did before. This was the second time this team building week that Zynnisa had been chosen. Likely because they notice she is lacking the most in leadership skills…
The squads rolled out into the set up field for the drill. They were to engage in ground fights with the opposing side to defend areas. It was not just about capturing areas this time around. Some capture points have civilians that they have to safely evacuate as well Elrinli assumed this was for practice in case there was an invasion in an unprepared city. Each squad was given a specific role in the drill to reflect the random jobs they may end up needing to do during battle.
“What is the plan, Zynnisa?” Elrinli was the first to ask.
“Evacuate everyone first,” Zynnisa responded immediately. He noticed the serious look on her face. She is taking this seriously this time.
“Elrinli, you come with me to the front. Meznixi, you go east with Lilyne… And… Uh, Zai and Nuzne you go west. Xinuri and Numi defend and evacuate the south,” Zynnisa quickly said.
“Maintain communication.”
They didn’t have enough time to keep discussing plans. This was a part of the drill, communicating as much in as little words as possible. There was not enough time to spare in the face of conflict.
Elrinli did not expect to be selected by Zynnisa to head up to the front, which was the worst place to go to during a drill. This was a different tactic from the last time, though. He had to wonder if she learned anything new over the week.
Immediately, they were launched into conflict with four other attackers from the opposing side. Fortunately, this was not a solo drill like a previous instance. There were other squads who had similar ideas that were fighting alongside them to defend. They were quickly dwindling as some fell back, but the opposing side were also falling back from defeat.
Elrinli was struggling to get out of the heat of the fight to return to what they were focusing on: evacuation efforts.
“Evacuation status?” Zynnisa called over to him.
“Bad. We lost someone,” Elrinli furrowed his brows, noting the one that had been killed, at least their death was emulated.
“… Axus… Our points…” He heard her hiss in his ear as she jumped forward, knocking out an enemy from the field with a blast of energy. Evacuation was the worst role to be given. There were so many losses that it almost did not feel worth working towards.
“We gotta keep going. More keep coming in the front, but… I know we can do it. I’ll call for reinforcements soon,” Zynnisa said.
“Why not now?” Elrinli argued.
“Because…” Zynnisa trailed off. Elrinli watched as she sent out a signal to call in reinforcements anyway.
“Nevermind. You’re right.”
Soon enough, reinforcements moved into the front. Zynnisa and Elrinli decided to fall back upon hearing a call within a different region. The drill went relatively smoothly, despite Elrinli’s huffs and groans about it being yet another one where Zynnisa was in the lead of the squad.
There was a prickle of energy that grazed against his pelt as they were moving through the thick undergrowth. Someone was coming, and it was not an ally. Elrinli glanced behind him, but he was not quick enough to react when he saw a crackling, destructive light beaming towards him. Electricity arced around the light. He felt energy deep within him trying to fight back and conjure a shield, but he wasn’t as quick to act as the one who had saved him from being shot out of the drill.
“Eat this!” Zynnisa exclaimed, thrusting the beam back at the sender with accuracy. Elrinli watched from behind her to see if it hit.
“Thank goodness…” He let out a sigh of relief, “not sure who sent that, but that was far too- you just sent it back to him!”
“He deserved it,” Zynnisa retorted, “anyway, let’s go. They know we’re here.”
Elrinli started to wonder if he had possibly misjudged her. While her training had felt stagnant for months, this was the first time he truly felt like she had been growing. He sure knew that he was going to be teased to no end after this.

Word Count: 930

Part 3: Unique Twist
Just going to preface this with: this is a fanfic AU type outline. I’m not going to write this out in story format because I need to write 500 words, not an entire fanfiction. When I was brainstorming this I went too far with it… And now this is the result. Might make this legit, might not, but enjoy this really goofy Warriors fanfic idea. I am, for once, writing my cabin’s genre wowza.
TLDR: I’m doing a detailed outline for this instead of writing it out in full because I accidentally went too far.

The story begins as normal, set when the conflict between RiverClan and ThunderClan is at its peak. It had been a while since StarClan has spoken directly with the clans, and it chose now to be the perfect time to unveil a prophecy. Fire alone will save your clan. Yet, what does the fire mean? A burning ember and blaze that rips through the forest? Fire destroys, but it also burns the forest anew.
Everything flows as it did before; the conflict with RiverClan concludes at an impasse, though there is still conflict. Rusty finds himself enamored by the idea of the wild and ventures beyond his fence. He meets Graypaw one hunt in the forest, and he is offered the chance to join ThunderClan. Rusty joins the clan officially after a spontaneous spar with one of the young warriors, Longtail, and his name is changed to Firepaw. Bluestar does anticipate him to be the “fire” that saves the clan to some extent because of his flame-colored pelt.
Firepaw had been an apprentice for a few moons when WindClan is driven off by ShadowClan. The conflict with ShadowClan goes the same way: Spottedleaf is killed, Yellowfang dies, WindClan is brought back through ThunderClan’s aid. Brokenstar is taken down and flees, Nightpelt taking up the leadership position. A difference here is that Nightstar does indeed get his lives because I find the plot point that he DOESN’T a bit silly and random. Firepaw and Graypaw become warriors like usual. Graystripe’s relationship with Silverstream is left unchanged.
Brokenstar and his remaining followers attack ThunderClan seeking revenge only to be taken in as prisoner. ThunderClan faces backlash and conflict from the other clans for sheltering the former tyrant. Fireheart hears of the story about Brokenstar from Yellowfang after having won her trust over so many moons. This story makes Fireheart sympathetic about the conflict of love towards another cat even if the rules forbade the love. This gives him another perspective regarding Graystripe’s relationship with Silverstream. Fireheart is an outsider looking in on clan life, even if he had been there for a while, which gives him an entirely different perspective regarding the clan’s culture. It makes him question why a leader cannot be questioned for their decisions. Fireheart had been telling Bluestar time and time again that Tigerclaw was bad news, yet he had been made deputy.
Tigerclaw does not attack ThunderClan yet, instead he keeps biding his time. A fire rages through ThunderClan, overtaking the camp and leaving it in a crisp. Bluestar becomes more and more irrational, mostly because of the fire and what it meant to her. She begins questioning the point of the prophecy. Yellowfang dies in the fire, leaving inspirational words to Fireheart as she passes away. ThunderClan has no medicine cat. The fires rage on with worsening intensity, Tigerclaw joined in with Brokentail’s rogues to attack the clan. Bluestar perishes that night, Fireheart barely able to reach her before she was killed to hear her utter fire alone will save our clan.
Everything immediately turns for the worst in ThunderClan, completely turned towards tyranny because of Tigerstar’s rule. StarClan did not refuse to give him the lives that he sought. Tigerstar decides to take on the rest of the clans because of his desire for power over the entire forest. He forms an alliance with RiverClan, and he seeks power from the cats of the twolegplace – BloodClan. Scourge joins forces with him over the forest since Tigerstar permits him and his cats a way to live in the forest, providing territory specifically for them though it still is underneath Tigerstar’s control.

I have written at least 500 words so enjoy the outline of a timeline below as I don’t have enough time to fully go through this more fleshed out overview:
(Excuse any errors, this was written on mobile with janky autofill)
- Rusty isn’t the chosen one exactly but he is the one that incites change within the territories as well as saving ThunderClan as a result.
- Same sort of start: Brokenstar conflict, Yellowfang joining, Graystripe love for Silverstream
- Yellowfang doesn’t die during the fire
- Yellowfang opens up about Brokenstar’s story to Fireheart about her past and the rules put in place for medicine cats. If she hadn’t been stopped by the code, maybe things would’ve turned out differently
- Main difference is Tigerclaw succeeds in taking over. He allies with RiverClan and BloodClan, later forming one with ShadowClan through Blackfoot (Nightstar disagrees, but it results in a split in ShadowClan)
- Tallstar tries to fight back when Tigerstar threatens him to take over WindClan. Tallstar loses a life
- Fireheart reluctantly sucks up to Tigerstar just so he can get a chance to fight back. He knew that he was no good, but there was no way he would get far with a sharp tongue. Especially not against a leader with 9 lives.
- Fireheart ends up in WindClan where he forms a bond with Tallstar.
- Tallstar allies with Fireheart along with his trusted warriors
- Rebellion forms with Tallstar’s aid
- BloodClan steps in because of Tigerstar’s negligence and idiocy because he is so violent and malicious that it is only making no one really want to fully comply lol
- Tallstar is killed by Scourge and the rest of BloodClan
- Instead of Tigerstar killed by him
- This is meant to be a message to the csts
- The rebellion weakens at first, but Tallstar’s death is used as a motivator. This isn’t to save their pelts and just that but to also avenge Tallstar who had been nothing but kind to others who wanted to fight back
- LionClan forms made up of rebelling ThunderClan, RiverClan, ShadowClan, and WindClan cats. Deadfoot(not star), Nightstar, Mistyfoot and Fireheart are at the head along with Graystripe, Sandstorm, Longtail (a spy), Stonefur, MudClaw
- Cats from outside of the clan join to fight back (Barley & Ravenpaw namely obv)
- Leopardstar joins last minute, bringing in more cats that follow her exclusively rather than Tigerstar
- They all fight back against Tigerstar
- Tigerstar and Scourge die, BloodClan is driven out
- Leopardstar is taken from her position by StarClan, Mistyfoot taking over
- Deadfoot becomes Deadstar, officially replacing the leader Tigerstar appointed
- Blackfoot and his followers are punished
- Longtail becomes Longstar over ThunderClan and appoints Fireheart as his deputy
- The warrior code changes as a result of Tigerstar’s tyrannical rule as much of it gets questioned: clans are more united as one (“forbidden romance” and friendships between clans are significantly less frowned upon), medicine cat rule about no kits is kinda questioned but I wasn’t sure how that would be changed given the premise because I hate this rule I HATE, and the rule regarding “leaders must not be questioned” is revised to allow the questioning of leadership

Word Count: 605 (1083 with outline)

I would've done this in full but I had run out of time - I probably will expand on this and edit this message in the morning with more written and fleshed out but rahhh I am so so so tired

Part 4: Implementing Them
so uh… I had a hard time picking tropes that worked with my stuff so… enjoy this mess? I do hope it has at least 3 tropes I tried I really did but I had fallen ill lol and I legit had to rush this so grgrgrgr sowwy gang but it should be fine!! It's another section of the rivals to lovers plus found family plus speaking to the dead plus maybe embarrassing rescue plus author hates happiness (/j)

Everything had so suddenly and so quickly begun to go south. Zynnisa had no idea when it started, but she only knew that she was in a situation that was quickly getting out of control. It all started when her squad was called out for some ground control within the south eastern region that was being invaded from the south. The city was halfway evacuated, and there was an onslaught of enemies coming in from Criza.
Zynnisa had unfortunately found herself in the midst of a major sweep from the enemy. Her squad was not cut out for fighting directly in the front lines like this. They had been trained excessively within managing the attacks deep within Unebia to ensure the safety of the civilians as well as control the attacks from the ground. She was exhausted from trying to fight back the hordes that were relentless. Zynnisa knew that Criza was a nation built from a heritage of fighters, but she hadn’t realised exactly what that meant until that very moment.
It was okay. She had control over the situation. At least, she tried to reassure herself that she had control. Zynnisa kept using the spells that she had trained and practiced for hours, energizing herself with the light of the sun, and aiming powerful blows by heating up her body to strengthen herself even further.
She wasn’t strong enough… But I have to be. She fought and fought, but her stamina was quickly waning. Zynnisa mustered out a final blow, pure light encasing her claws to create a ferocious slash. It was a powerful blow to her enemy, but it left her exhausted. There were still more enemies rushing to the field in the distance.
Just as everything felt like it was going to be the end, lightning crackled in the sky before striking all around her.
“Got your back!” She heard the smug voice that she knew all too well. Elrinli. She didn’t know whether or not to be excited or frustrated with his arrival. On one paw, he was saving her life, and on the other, it was a complete blow to her ego.
“Thanks, but I had it,” Zynnisa snipped, glaring at him. He only snorted in retort.
“You were being completely overrun. Anyway, take this,” Elrinli tossed over a gemstone.
“Support from Cxivosi, you’ll need it.”
“Thanks. At least now I can fight some more,” Zynnisa smirked, letting the energy at her claws seep into her soul. It was refreshing as if she had just had a week of rest.
She glanced up with a glint in her eyes.
“Well, person who clears this area this most cleans the dishes. I’ll pull some strings,” she grinned.
“Really? Dishes? How about the entire squad quarters?” Elrinli challenged, taking the bait. Power surged in her claws once again, the gemstone breaking away from the sapping of power from it.
“I’ve got a head start.”
Immediately she started bolting through the trees, heat energy surging through her veins as she took down as many as she could spot. Elrinli was quickly to her side, electricity danced across the tips of his fur, pale blue light crackling above him.
“I’ve had enough of Criza, honestly,” Zynnisa groaned to Elrinli once he was near. She heard a grunt in agreement from him.
“Can’t believe their leaders are adamant in bringing in war…” she trailed off, furrowing her brows.
“Oh, yeah, can we add that I will tell everyone about me saving you if I win,” Elrinli spoke up over the sound of crackling thunder and conjuring energy.
“Well, if you don’t ever speak of this again if I win,” Zynnisa jeered, sending an enemy flying in the other direction. In the corner of her eye, she saw movement of individuals trying to fight back. They had no armor, no weapons, nothing on them.
“Over there,” Zynnisa gestured, catching Elrinli’s eye. She at least had the decency to pause the rivalry to ensure the safety of civilians.
The two of them quickly rushed over to their aid, escorting them to safety once more fighters from Unebia started moving into the outskirts of the city. The area had been mostly cleared as many of the fighters fell back. Zynnisa felt awful for those that kept engaging in deadly fights against the two of them. She refused to think further about it, the lump of guilt in her chest grew every time she did. There was not much that could be done.
The battle was almost over, at least Zynnisa hoped it was and that the Crizan leader in charge had told everyone to fall back. It was no longer her problem anymore, at least. Elrinli and her had cleared the region enough, and they managed to rescue someone along with it.
“So, which one of us do you think won?” Zynnisa glanced over to Elrinli, bumping him gently with her shoulder.
“No idea. I think we’ll just call it a draw,” Elrinli laughed.
“Aw. Welp, guess we gotta share chores. You are still not telling anyone I had gotten cornered back there,” Zynnisa glared at him.
“No promises!” He grinned. I will get back at you… Zynnisa groaned. A smile crept across her face, though she didn’t dare to look at Elrinli. She had no idea why she was beginning to like him so much.

* * *

This was the only chance she got to take to relax due to the battle being momentarily at a stalemate. Negotiations were beginning to be made between the nations, but it was still a time of unrest. For Zynnisa, however, she wanted to take this time to reflect, and to return home in hopes that they would welcome her with open arms.
But they never did.
The graves of her parents were laid before her. The candles still lit and flickering, the wax barely melted. It was a surprise that the candles still were flickering despite how long it had been. Months? Seasons? Years? The fight had been going on for so long.
Her squad decided to accompany her on this occasion, though it was mostly Lilyne, Meznixi, and Elrinli. Zai had other things, and… Nuzne. She didn’t want to think about her own sister’s whereabouts.
“Hey…” she began, not addressing those that were around her. Zynnisa had so many words that were left unsaid to her parents.
“I was so, so dumb. I just thought I’d let you know that. I should’ve done as you told me to. I should’ve just left when I had the opportunity to find my own passion. Instead, I stayed back, and then I had little to nothing left.”
Zynnisa missed her parents so much. She couldn’t help but talk to their graves as if they were living still.
“I did good, though… I think. I fought against Criza in a war, and I defended Unebia. Well, I didn’t do it alone,” she laughed, glancing over at the others with her. Her smile dropped. They are never going to answer me again.
“I am sure they were great people,” Elrinli spoke up with a smile.
“You didn’t know them…” Zynnisa sighed. She hadn’t expected a friendship to unfurl between her and her number one enemy at the start of it all. Zynnisa only thought back at her strife with her family, remembering what he had told her. They still won’t love you even if you ended up the Lesure of Unebia… Joining the military is pointless if all you want is love. Get your head straight. Zynnisa had been so abrasive towards him because she thought that he thought she was incompetent and incapable. She had to agree with him if he even did.
Yet here most of the squad was, comforting her at this moment.
“The rest of the family will never accept me… You were right,” Zynnisa said, glancing between the others that were close to her side.
“Well, I tried to warn you,” Elrinli stated, once again, without holding back.
“Everyone did. I just… I couldn’t believe it. I though that maybe… Maybe if I had just gotten somewhere and done something that they would accept me, but…” Zynnisa choked out.
“I guess I just had to give them up.”
“Nuzne really should’ve been here by your side,” Lilyne pointed out, Meznixi nodding to the other side of her.
“She disappeared during battle. I… I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d be mourning her in a week,” Zynnisa wept quietly.
“Well, we’re here for you. At least I am when this war ends,” Elrinli consoled with a soft laugh.
“I will be there too!” Lilyne piped up.
“Me as well,” Meznixi nodded.
“Thank you so much… You have no idea how much that means to me,” Zynnisa smiled. The weight was still there, but at least it didn’t feel as heavy with Elrinli and all of her new friends… family, with her.

Word Count: 1487 (lol oops)

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