critique 11-21-23

I’d say you succeeded in making your passage interesting. :3 Nonfiction is such a difficult genre to make engaging, but your writing’s not bad! /pos Starting off with the introduction, it’s a very strong beginning. It references a lot of basic facts about the moon and people’s relationship with it, but doesn’t go into too much detail too early. The introduction reconfirms all the things that come to the reader’s mind when they think of the moon, so it provides a perfect entry into the deeper information you are about to present to them. That information is then communicated with lots of attention-capturing adjectives: “rugged, barren” and “spectacular” in just the first body paragraph after the intro, for example. One thing I’d change would be the order of the body paragraphs. You start out by talking about the landscape of the moon, but then you transfer to talk about human achievement regarding the moon, and then go back to talking about the moon’s physical characteristics (this time in relation to Earth), before returning to the topic of human space exploration. I’d recommend moving the paragraph about the Apollo moon landings to right before the paragraph about future moon missions since they are more closely connected topics- the past and potential future of humans on the moon. Another thing that might be worth changing was that you wrote “The moon's influence on Earth is perhaps its most significant impact” despite having stated “beyond its influence on our planet, the moon is a fascinating world in its own right” in your introduction. These two sentences seem to contradict each other, and further, the intro paragraph implies that the moon’s influence on Earth is NOT the topic of your writing, when it is actually one of the major topics you touch on. You should probably rephrase the way you wrote the introduction sentence to something that acknowledges that the moon is BOTH majorly influential for Earth AND interesting in its own right. As for your conclusion paragraph, it was short but effective. It closely mirrors the points you made in your introduction and summarizes the passage in total. All in all, your writing was good and I applaud your effort to make nonfiction interesting! (If only my school textbooks did the same xD)

nov 19 - extended bidaily about figurative language
554 words

Jay docked his ship just as the sun was beginning to peek over the horizon, and hurriedly walked down into a town the likes of which he had never seen before. To one side, a wide boulevard stretched out into the distance, lined with trees that each seemed to be carrying a different kind of ripe fruit – and to the other, a seemingly endless market was sprawled out in front of him, and the allure of the aromas that reached the port almost made him want to, for once, stop looking over his shoulder and enjoy his surroundings.
He knew, however, that that would not be possible. Unless Jay had somehow evaded his pursuers while at sea, they would still be hot on his trail, as eager and determined to catch him as a lion was to catch his prey. So he walked through the alien town with a steady but cautious gait, prepared to spring into action or sprint away from any violence at a moment’s notice. At his side, carefully concealed under a rippling cloak, he kept a short and deadly dagger crafted from the finest metals in his homeland - and he knew, from much experience, how to use it.
“So, have we got anyone following us?” He asked Bob, who had been his friend, guard, and companion for this voyage so far.
“Not as far as I could see,” Bob responded, but looked back to the port once again to confirm.
“Actually, now that you mention it… I think I might have seen someone familiar back there.”
It was not unusual for this to happen to them, but Jay’s heart still stopped in its tracks, and he turned around as well to try to locate what Bob had seen. And, indeed, there stood a familiar-looking man in a brown coat, sitting discreetly on a crate as if he had no purpose other than to sit idly and watch the passing-by of ships, merchants, and their customers.
“Yeah, I know who you’re talking about,” Jay said, “he’s the same one from the last town, isn’t he?”
“I think he is,” said Bob, “and last time we saw him he was pretty bent on killing us. So I think it would be best if we just avoided him, stocked up on whatever we needed, and got back on our boat.”
“Agreed,” Jay responded, and continued with: “hey, speaking of stocking up, do you want to go check out that market back by the port?”
“I suppose we could,” Bob said, and they started walking back towards the port, which led to the market area.
As they approached it, Jay almost forgot about the familiar figure he had seen sitting on the crate - and had he not been so entranced by the nearly endless array of shops, remembered the man, and looked back at him once more, he would have seen that he was no longer sitting innocently on his crate, and instead was actively following Jay and Bob, and clutching a mysterious object under the folds of his coat.
But instead, the two voyagers continued on their grand shopping expedition, looking eagerly through the contents of every stall, not noticing that the man was growing closer and closer as they ventured deeper into the maze that was the market square.

The skyscrapers towered above the city, sunlight glinting off them in bronze and silver arcs. Everywhere they looked, there was movement- blimps bobbing gracefully through the sky like great whales, mechanical contraptions whirring up and down the streets, and most of all, the people, people in the most colorful, quirky outfits, no two the same. They made their way through the bustling crowds, fitting in perfectly with their own tall hat and mismatched shoes. It was a refreshing change from what they were used to; this was a place where one could blend in by standing out. Everyone could express themselves without worry of judgment, and opportunities were endless.
“Maybe I ought to move here someday,” they murmur to themselves, caught up in the rush of the city, smiling with ease.
But first, they had a job to do. They glanced at the street signs flashing on the corners, lit up with neon lights. There it was, Copperclaw Street. It was longer than they expected, and they hoped they were going the right way. The numbering system on the houses didn’t seem particularly consistent. There was number 11, number 9.8, number ln(5)… clearly this place had been designed by a nerd.
That made them grin. They had never been particularly good at math, but they liked it when some smart person dared to be different and put their mark on the world around them. Although it would be nice if there was a map or something.
After a few wrong turns, though, they found their destination. It was a massive clocktower, a bit worn with age, but still impressive in its grandeur. Carvings of vines and birds and gears climbed the sides of the tower, making the whole structure look like one giant work of art.
However, look up a little further, and the problem was apparent. The clock’s face was cracked, its hands no longer ticking. It had been broken for quite some time now, from the looks of it. But that’s what they were there for- they had a knack for fixing things, and they had agreed to try their hand at repairing the enormous clock.
The guardian of the tower must have been desperate to hire them, as they had no previous experience with such large projects. Then again, clockmakers of that level of talent were few and far between these days.

The skyscrapers towered above the city, sunlight glinting off them in bronze and silver arcs. Everywhere they looked, there was movement- blimps bobbing gracefully through the sky like great whales, mechanical contraptions whirring up and down the streets, and most of all, the people, people in the most colorful, quirky outfits, no two the same. They made their way through the bustling crowds, fitting in perfectly with their own tall hat and mismatched shoes. It was a refreshing change from what they were used to; this was a place where one could blend in by standing out. Everyone could express themselves without worry of judgment, and opportunities were endless.
“Maybe I ought to move here someday,” they murmur to themselves, caught up in the rush of the city, smiling with ease.
But first, they had a job to do. They glanced at the street signs flashing on the corners, lit up with neon lights. There it was, Copperclaw Street. It was longer than they expected, and they hoped they were going the right way. The numbering system on the houses didn’t seem particularly consistent. There was number 11, number 9.8, number ln(5)… clearly this place had been designed by a nerd.
That made them grin. They had never been particularly good at math, but they liked it when some smart person dared to be different and put their mark on the world around them. Although it would be nice if there was a map or something.
After a few wrong turns, though, they found their destination. It was a massive clocktower, a bit worn with age, but still impressive in its grandeur. Carvings of vines and birds and gears climbed the sides of the tower, making the whole structure look like one giant work of art.
However, look up a little further, and the problem was apparent. The clock’s face was cracked, its hands no longer ticking. It had been broken for quite some time now, from the looks of it. But that’s what they were there for- they had a knack for fixing things, and they had agreed to try their hand at repairing the enormous clock.
The guardian of the tower must have been desperate to hire them, as they had no previous experience with such large projects. Then again, clockmakers of that level of talent were few and far between these days.

nov. 22: unbreakable teeth™ - 242 words

Tired of your teeth breaking? Want something that will last you fMy browser / operating system: Windows NT 10.0, Chrome 119.0.0.0, No Flash version detectedor a lifetime? Exhausted from dealing with dentist visits? Don’t worry; we’ve got you covered! CompletelyNotFakeTeeth and Co is now offering our latest product: Unbreakable Teeth™! They come in all colors and sizes–we have the biggest selection of unbreakable teeth anywhere! We also offer the cheapest prices you’ll ever see, starting at the low price of all your worldly goods! And with a coupon, you can save up to 0% off!
Not convinced? Here are some of the advantages of buying a set of Unbreakable Teeth™:
. They never break*
. They are fantastic for active people. You can bite anything with these teeth, and they will never break. You can climb mountains using your teeth. You will be the envy of all your friends.
. Like writing? Try Unbreakable Teeth™! You can use these fantastic chompers to type on a keyboard**, or move a pencil around! Writing has never been easier, or more fun.
. They’re really good for eating food! Hate how it feels when even mangoes break your teeth? Try Unbreakable Teeth™! They will never break, not even when you eat chairs***.
Get your Unbreakable Teeth™ today, while supplies last!

* Unbreakable Teeth™ are not under warranty. We are not responsible if your teeth break from mishandling or abuse.
** Does not apply to magical exploding keyboards that control the universe
*** Does not apply to chairs made of wood, metal, plastic, or banana peels.

The Pearl Of Regret
collab entry between @avacac12078 and @starryy-silk <3

The Pearl Of Regret

Regret, I’ve learned, always seems to get you one way or another.
Regret can be compared to many, many, things. One might say it’s like a flytrap. Luring you in and snapping its jaws on your unsuspecting soul. But that would be a bad example, in this case. You can still find a way to get out of a flytrap.
You can never get out of regret.
I know an intriguing story about a spoiled girl named Ava. I, in fact, personally know this girl, and she’s no better than she’s described right now.
Let’s just say she was a real pain.
On top of her classes, first and best in every competition, she was everything a family would have dreamed of. The smartest girl, the most diligent girl, the best. The perfect girl.
But it still wasn’t enough.
She wanted to be adored. She had no patience, no interest in any other girl, every single person who crossed her path, would get destroyed.
Emotionally or physically.
If things don’t go her way, she erupts. She’s a volcano. It starts with the earthquakes, which go something like this.
“Why didn’t I win, mother? Explain to me at this instant!”
A little while later, lava starts pouring out. She stomps and screams and her anger spreads like wildfire, pushing all the people out of the way.
“I want first place now! And if they don’t, mother, you WILL execute them! I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER AWARDS, I JUST NEED THE FIRST PLACE!” She’ll scream and yell that they’ll be executed soon enough, even though they never are.
Once her shrill voice wears out, she has probably gotten the award, with many plates shattered, thrown, and scattered like petals on the sparkling floor.
Her parents didn’t say anything. They thought she was perfect. Perfect from every angle. Perfect from the scalp of her head, to her neatly manicured toes.
Flawless in every way.
If you dare try to inform them about Ava’s nasty behavior, it won’t work. Your reputation will be lower than Ava’s fists when she crunches them through the exquisite floors of her mansion.
Many have tried. Including me.
You know, I used to be her best friend.
When we were about nine, my father gave me a beautiful pearl necklace. I’d envied Ava’s breathtaking looks and exorbitant jewelry for all seven years I’ve known her. She really was kind back then. As sweet as a daisy.
I even envied her smarts, talent, and kindness. She was remarkable.
I was so glad to get the necklace and was showing it off to all the other kids. Then, I told Ava about it.
“Oh.” Was all she said at first.
“Isn’t it so cool? It’s—It’s barely a threat to any of your amazing jewelry though.” I grinned, but she didn’t grin back. She kept gazing at the necklace, eyebrows slightly scrunched. I ignored this.
“Did you get me anything?” I asked. She shook her head. I frowned. She was lying. “But you promised me yesterday that you got me a present that you knew I always wanted!”
She glanced at my necklace, biting her lip. She brushed her silky brown hair off her shoulder. “Well, yeah. I forgot to bring it.”
“Bring it to me tomorrow, please?” I laughed, trying to brighten up the mood.
I can remember this vividly—she told me that she might’ve thrown it out.
I closed my mouth. “What?” I stuttered. I knew she was lying. She had to be. Obviously, she didn’t throw a gift away. Especially not an expensive one.
I know she saw the hurt on my face.
But she ignored it.
She’d never ignored me before.
I thought something was up, so when she left me for a while to accept another award from a teacher, I went into her bag.
It was like a whole treasure chest in there. Necklaces, bracelets, and even rings in a transparent lavender case. Gemstones were glued on all over the case, and I just had to open it, I had to take a peek, I had to take a glance into the lives of the rich…
I gasped. Inside was a sparkling pearl necklace. The same exact one as mine. The same place it was bought from, the same texture, the same amount of pearls, too.
And there was a tag, a glittery hot pink tag. On it were scribbled the words “For Elizabeth, my best friend”.
I broke out into a wide grin.
Back then, I was an easily distracted girl. I didn’t pay attention to the awards ceremony. I didn’t pay attention to the voice, who’d finished congratulating Ava. I didn’t pay attention to much, except for the voice that erupted in my head.
“LIZZIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
I jumped twenty feet. My jaw dropped. I dropped a random necklace on the floor. Ava screamed. Tears started flooding my vision. I wiped them off with my sleeve. I had never, in my life, heard her scream like that. “Ava! What’s wrong?”
Her face was scarlet, but I could tell she was trying not to get mad at me. “THAT WAS EXPENSIVE! EXPENSIVE STUFF!” I scurried away from her. Other children soon noticed what was happening.
“AVA’S A DEMON!”
I hurled my bag at them, making them shut up. “STOP!” Ava just seemed to get more irritated by the second. Her breathing got heavy. Her hands curled into fists. I waited. “Ava?”
Ava then let out the loudest screech I have ever heard. I was blown back, kids rushing away from her in every direction. Her face wasn’t red anymore, but instead very pale. I froze.
A teacher dashed down to the scene. “Ava! What are you doing?”
“Lizzie.”
I started panting. “Ava?”
It was so fast. But I still remember it, clear as day.
Ava leapt and lunged for my neck. I caterwauled like never before. Her eyes were red. Her lips were curled. Her nails dig into my skin, tearing out my soul. She gripped my necklace and yanked back. Pearls catapulted to the ground.
The last pearl fell with a hollow clink. It echoed throughout the room, echoed in my ears, echoed in my brain.
I cried.
They still say I caused her anger issues. And I probably did.
I just wanted my friend back. I just wanted to see her face.
But now she’s a daisy no more.

When I was 17, on the other side of Atlantis, a group of witches and wizards crafted a pearl from the depths of the ocean.
They have been working on it for many years, and the Pearl had some unique qualities.
The Pearl was magical.
The Pearl of Aquamarine. It gave the holder magical properties that appeared in Ava’s dreams.
The pearl was powerful. A bit too powerful to be overlooked by Ava.
It contained the power of manipulation… controlling people’s actions. Have it in your hand and the city’s yours. Everyone knows if they’re being controlled, but they can never help it.
Of course, the pearl required a Keeper to protect it and keep it safe. Ava thought she was perfect for the job.
Ava carelessly climbed her way to the job interview. When she applied to be the first Keeper, they rejected her. They must have seen the greed in her heart, the want to be desired, the want to be the best.
Ava threw a fit. The rulers didn’t change their mind. So all she had to do was sulk. Or at least that’s what everyone thought.
At last, she understood what it was like to lose.
I really thought she’d quit. I’d really thought she gave up.
I should’ve remembered Ava would always get what she wanted.
A few weeks after her rejection, I first-handedly saw Ava going to the Laboratory of the Pearl.
I just thought she was admiring the pearl, dreaming of the job that she would never get. But I followed her, simply because I was curious. Ava’s life is uncannily provoking.
Marble sculptures aligned the columns, brushed with gold, just like Ava’s room. Guards surrounded the entrance, two grand blue sliding doors that were slightly ajar.
I shook my head. She wasn’t up to anything. The guards wouldn’t let her in, I’d thought.
Then… I heard a loud buzz.
I was so stupid.
The Otherly Gun.
Before I could realize what she just did, all ten guards were down and so was the new Keeper. I ran towards Ava, but she’d already broken the glass.
She’d gotten her hands on it.
I couldn’t see her face. The light of the Pearl blinded me so badly. Brighter than the Sun.
I didn’t hear the sirens ring. People were screaming over the noise. I can’t describe it.
It was torture.
All I knew was that she had stolen something priceless.
And that she saw my face. Kneeling in front of her, hands in front of my eyes, begging her to stop.
She didn’t care for me anymore. And I don’t care for her anymore either.
Driven by greed, she was. She was unlike anyone I knew before.
And it might just be my fault.
I decided that I was going to be on the opposite side. I had to fight her.
I couldn’t make her life worse than it already is.
My Resistance group searched for her for a long time. More than two years. I can’t even tell. Time flies quickly.
And on every single one of those days, I cried.
I’d just about given up hope. She was too powerful. She could’ve been all the way across the Earth by now.
Then, one day, I was taking my regular hike around the mountains, when something caught my eye.
Like the Sun.
On the cliffs of Mt. Iliad, Ava stood there.
She was singing to herself, smiling and laughing like a maniac.
I cornered her.
But again, I was so stupid.
Our faces met. Mine hot as lava, hers as numb as the cold.
“Elizabeth.” She chuckled, and I delivered an uppercut straight up her perfect little nose. She stumbled back.
I wanted to sob. She was so different now. And so full of anger.
My eyes dropped down to her neck. There I saw it. I dug my nails into her neck. She laughed. I threw my necklace off her neck and stuck my boot into her face.
Revenge was mine.
But she saw it coming. She somehow did. She disappeared, into thin air, straight out of nowhere. Chuckling, smirking. Just like she was nine years old.
I can still hear her whispers in my sleep.
Please help me.
If you ever see a girl with long brown hair, blue and gold eyes, red pupils, and small ears, please tell the Rulers. That is Ava. She is dangerous. Be cautious. Be careful.
I will probably be dead when you see this letter. Carry my legacy by capturing Ava. Kill her if you must. She is dangerous. And she is a menace, especially with that pearl.
Please don’t be stupid.
Like I was.

Hi, reader. It’s me. Do not trust her. I am not dangerous. Meet me at g:f13 area code. Anytime. I will change your mind. Bring no threats. I won’t control you. Meet me there. Please. I’ll wait for you.
Regret is a flytrap, little Lizzie, and you’re in between its teeth.
Ava
/quote]

1840 words <3

please critique this



Our play opens in the kitchen of a small restaurant where RONAN is washing dishes and ZOE is wiping down the counter.




ZOE: (drumming her fingers on the counter while she wipes it) Remember this?


RONAN: What am I supposed to be remembering?


ZOE: Sophomore year? We wrote this song here.


RONAN: Oh yeah, right we totally didn’t sound like angry goats.


RONAN shudders jokingly and ZOE punches him lightly, he laughs and dances out of the way, dodging when she throws her rag at him.


ZOE: I’m going to set my snake on you if you say that again.


RONAN: Right, because I’m so scared of a- what kind did you say it was?


ZOE: A corn snake


RONAN: Whatever, but you have to admit we sucked big time.


ZOE: Well, we’ve gotten a lot better. I mean my sister no longer hides when you play guitar.


RONAN: You’re right, we have gotten a lot better. (chuckling) So don’t go bringing up what failures we were when we started.


ZOE: So anyway you remember how nervous you were when we played our first gig and you thought everyone would leave or boo us off the stage?


RONAN: Yeah Zoe, I remember. Music is scary.


ZOE: Well what if I told you that I just submitted a recording of one of our songs in this huge contest that might get us signed?!


RONAN: Hold on what? Why didn’t you ask me first?


ZOE: I would have but the deadline was coming and I couldn’t give up that chance Ronan please I know you’re scared but this is a huge opportunity everything we ever dreamed of.


RONAN: I know it’s what we dreamed of but-


ZOE: (not really listening to Ronan) Ronan think about it! We could sell hundreds of albums, no, thousands. And play in actual venues not just open mics at Casey’s. And listen I know Mickey means a lot to you but you really need a new guitar.


RONAN: I just…well…let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’m sure hundreds of bands applied. (he goes back to washing dishes)


ZOE: But we’re the best.


Ronan is tense and his body language suggests he wants to say something, but he keeps washing dishes. Oliver enters looking exhausted and fed up, he throws his apron on the ground.


OLIVER: Finally we’re closed.


RONAN: (still washing dishes, but visibly relaxed now, chuckles softly) Hi Ollie, long day huh?


OLIVER: (grumbling softly, hugs Ronan from behind) I’m going to quit and join your band. I can play tambourine or something.


RONAN: What’ll this be? The sixth time you’ve threatened to quit this month because of customers that annoy you?


OLIVER: But Mrs. Westfield is so meeeean.


ZOE: Is she the one always making those super complicated orders?
OLIVER: That’s not even the worst of it. She’s so entitled and full of herself. Seriously, who the hell let her move here?


ZOE: Well when Ronan and I make it big, which could be any day now, you won’t have to work here anymore, we’ll do anything we want.


OLIVER: Whoa what?


ZOE: We’re getting sighed.


OLIVER: Oh my god, congratulations.


RONAN: Hey, maybe getting signed. Big maybe. Honestly it’s really unlikely.


ZOE: Oh stop being so down and moody have some hope in us.


OLIVER: I have hope in you. (kisses Ronan on the cheek, grinning) My boyfriend’s gonna be a rockstar.


RONAN: Have all the hope you want, but it’s really hard to get signed and all and what if they want us to take on a more mainstream sound?


ZOE: I’ll eat my own tongue before we try pop again.

RONAN: You could do it though, I mean I was horrible, but you sounded awesome.

ZOE: No, I’m not selling out.

RONAN: I just think if you want a future in music it’s better to go with the route that really makes money.


OLIVER: What’s with the sudden worry about money?


RONAN: Well maybe because money is kind of useful to have. And I just think Zoe has a better chance of success with pop.


ZOE: You’re talking like you won’t be there. (beat) Ronan, you’re not thinking about leaving are you?


RONAN: (back to washing dishes) We should probably stop talking and hurry up and finish cleaning. Ollie, you don’t work back here. You should head home, get some sleep.


ZOE: Don’t ignore me.


RONAN: Leave me alone. Please.


OLIVER: I’m not leaving until I know what’s wrong.


RONAN: Nothing’s wrong. I’m just smart enough to know I’m not good enough to get signed. I’m not Zoe, I’m just some guy who likes to mess around on guitar.


OLIVER: Hey, I might not be a musician, but I know good music, but you, Ronan, you’re a good musician. And your singing… wow. I think that’s what first attracted me to you.


RONAN: Just stop okay. Stop trying to be all sweet and compliment me just because you care about me. I’m not getting a future in music.


OLIVER: I’m not saying it just because I care, I’m saying it because it’s true.


ZOE: Every artist has a time they feel like they want to give up, but you have to fight it. This band needs you. I need you.


RONAN: I don’t want to give up on music, but I feel like I’m in a never ending cycle of failure. I feel like that snake eating its tail, unable to escape the endless loop.

OLIVER: (idk what line to put here)

RONAN: I don’t want to leave the band. I want to live in a world where I can make something out of all these little sparks of songs just flying in my mind. No, not sparks. It’s like an animal gnawing on the inside of my skull. I hate it.


ZOE: Because this music is part of you. Don’t bite off your tail just because you think you’re stuck in a loop.

OLIVER: From what I’ve seen you definitely aren’t in a loop, I see you always getting better at music.

RONAN: We live in the real world, and the world doesn’t care about my music.
Why can’t you just respect my decision!? (he throws a dish on the ground and it breaks)

The three of them stand in silence staring at the broken dish.

OLIVER: Ronan, calm down. Take a deep breath.

ZOE: I thought you were worried about money. You could get fired for that.

RONAN: Who cares? I already messed up my life. (he breaks another dish)

ZOE: Stop throwing a tantrum, Ronan.

OLIVER: (to Zoe) stop being an * to your best friend. He’s clearly hurting. Ronan, honey, it’s going to be okay.

RONAN: (shakes his head slightly) No, no I really messed up this time. I’m so scared.

ZOE: (softening) Ronan? What happened?

RONAN: I- senior year. I did some stuff and now I find out I might have a daughter. And if she is my daughter then I’m all she has since her mom is dead now.

OLIVER: Oh wow. Okay. That’s yeah that’s a lot.

ZOE: But there’s a chance she isn’t your kid. So you can’t worry until you know.

RONAN: I should get the results from the DNA test sometime real soon.

baba yaga in space (for critique)

Believe it or not, getting to space is the easy part. For our ancestors, those ancient beings who insisted on a “space race” before their technology was remotely advanced enough, this would be quite the surprise. But we have figured out the proper fuel ratios and we possess the necessary wisdom not to launch a rocket on live broadcast in unforeseen weather conditions. So now that is the easy part.
The hard part is making it past Mars.
I remember when I first heard about it. A house—an old-fashioned cottage with chicken legs, of all things—orbiting the Sun just beyond the red planet. Which was just the first weird thing.
You’d expect, with a house in orbit, it would, well, orbit. You’d expect not to see it again until it completed a giant circle around the Sun. And, just like those first manned missions to the Asteroid Belt, you’d be wrong. No matter where they went, no matter how quickly, the house always seemed to be there first.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. I know they thought it too. This is a house with chicken legs, this is familiar. We all know this story. I won’t say her name, I ask that you not either, but yes, the story is familiar.
So some genius decided to send his son up there, past Mars, alone except for a rather flimsy radio receiver. I don’t remember his name. Let’s call him Ivan, for the fun of it. Look, no one was out there then. Now, with the Mars experiments and the outposts on the Belt, it could have been any of us to see it first. Some people think it had to be a kid. I’m not so sure about that.
Ivan was not an astronaut in the traditional sense. His dad wasn’t either. Neither really knew what they were doing, but the house didn’t fight it. The records suggest it welcomed him, actually. Just reached out and plucked him from space while he was floating there. Thank God we retrieved the body, or else we’d never know what came next.
I’d like you to think of everything you know about Ba— her— and forget it for a moment. Imagine you’re a young boy, you’ve never heard the stories, you’re in the clutches of a chicken-footed house in space, and you’re about to be let in the front door.
And, once inside, you see it’s larger than it seemed from the outside. Or smaller? You can’t quite tell. That is no matter, because, stretching from corner to corner, is her. Her scratchy voice, her cackle, and you feel both welcome and incredibly unsettled.
She tells you, little boy, that she can smell the blood of Russians. Preposterous, you’re not Russian, and you’re millions of miles from Russia. She tells you, with a gesture to the large oven behind her, that she’ll give you a favor if you clean it out for her. She’s just an old woman, trying to make a little bread, trying to favor her house and her hearth, but she’s too big to fit inside, and you’re the perfect size.
This is familiar to you, even if the other bits aren’t. Stories like this one fit into more than one culture.
So you trick the old witch; you ask her to show you how to clean the oven and you shove her in. You make it out, gleeful and giddy and knowing your father will be proud. But your spaceship is gone, the house disappears, and you are all alone. No one for millions of miles.
It was gruesome, Ivan’s death. There was no doubt who was for blame. But the data collected from his corpse was invaluable. His encounter was the first, and far from the last.
It’s now widely accepted that a run-in with her will end poorly only if you are alone, an adult, or, most terribly, both. Her house, on the other hand, is inescapable. No matter where on the orbit you enter, it will be there. If two ships enter from different places at the same time, two houses appear as well. And it’s impossible to forget, try as we might.
I don’t fear the house, only the witch inside.
It does make me wonder, though. Where did all of those ancient tales come from? Why were they so accurate, yet so far off? But it’s not my job to answer, I’m only here to get us all past that haunting presence.

November 22 Daily
259 words

Hey you with the face! Yeah you. Come over here — I’ve got something to tell you about…
Did you know you’re missing out on seeing so much of the world? And I’m not talking about that dream of world traveling I know you have (doesn’t everyone, amirite?). No, there’s things that happen before your very eyes everyday that you can’t see, things vital to the way so much of our modern technology functions. That's right — I’m talking about light. Now you might be thinking, “Well doy, I know about light, Hail. What's the big deal?” Here’s the big deal — we only see an itty bitty tiny winey part of the spectrum of light. The electromagnetic spectrum, the light spectrum, is actually made of radio waves, microwaves, infrared waves, visible light, ultraviolet, x-rays, and gamma rays. And ALL of that is light. Light we don’t see. Light we’re missing out on. Soooo, I introduce to you LightVision Goggles! With LightVision Goggles, you’ll finally see the world as it really is! LightVision Goggles allow you to see all forms of light, letting you see things as you never have before. Watch your microwave blast your half cooked ramen with microwaves! Tune your radio to your favorite frequency and watch it find the right radio wave! See colors you’ve never dreamed of! There’s a world of light out there, just waiting to be seen.

LightVision Goggles! Once you see it, you can’t unsee it

Please use responsibly. Do not look at the Sun. Ultraviolet, X-rays, and Gamma rays can be dangerous.

Daily Nov. 22nd

It’s ingenious! It’s effective! It’s here!

And best, of all, it’s selling for only $15!

The Human Launcher (TM) has the impressively amazing ability to shoot you off in what direction you please to whichever destination you want and get you there in less than an hour. Even if it’s across the ocean!

The Human Launcher (TM) uses really cool and really advanced totally safe aerodynamics technology to launch you into the air from a springy platform - hence the name - and send you to a location you input using our very accurate location technology that will definitely not send you into the middle of a volcano no matter where you want to go!

We guarantee 100% safety, however, upon buying The Human Launcher (TM) you will be required to sign a liability release from that states you will not hold us accountable for loss of life, limb, or soul. It is impossible for any of these things to happen, we guarantee, but we also need you to sign a liability release form. Sorry.

Anyway, we have limited supply, so buy yours as soon as possible! The Human Launcher (TM) is something you will never regret buying, we promise. Pinky promise. Please this cannot flop my life depends on this selling well if it doesn’t my boss will feed my to the beast in the basement please help m -

BUY YOUR OWN HUMAN LAUNCHER (TM) TODAY!

proof for the 7k words i just added! mostly randomness related to story planning lol.

An important thing to think about when creating your language is the geography of the world in which it is spoken. For instance, is your main city built in the shadow of a huge mountain? If so, maybe the word for mountain could be derived from its name. As another example, perhaps it is constantly raining in your world—in that case, maybe its inhabitants use many separate words for rain and storms so that seasons can be more easily differentiated. This category leaves a lot of room for creativity—you can expand on this as much as you want based on your plans for your language's world.

Based on its importance in the culture surrounding it, a concept may have more or fewer words relating to it. The Vietnamese language, for instance, has several words for rice—the word is different based on the type, the age, the level of preparation, and several other factors. Even without knowing much about their culture, one could of course assume that rice is a common food. While planning your conlang, brainstorm some important things to the inhabitants of your world, as well as some common variations of them. Using different words for these variations is a great way to make your language unique!

Conversely, another thing to think about is the concepts and items that don't exist in your culture. Your language likely won't have words for them, so speakers may create compound words or utilize words from a different language to express the concepts. If a language doesn't have a word for a certain concept, speakers may be surprised that such a thing exists, which could lead to a funny moment in your story. Additionally, if both your conlang and a real language coexist in your world, you could try rendering words from the real language with your conlang's grammar/phonetic system, or vice versa, to create cognates.

Stereotypes can also play a large role in language, especially in slang words. For example, in a story I wrote a couple of years ago, magic-users were generally thought of as evil. While I didn't create an entire language for the story, I used different words for what others called perception of the magic-users (Anomalies) and what the magic-users called themselves (Etheri). The words that characters used to describe them helped to show their beliefs without me having to say it outright. Reusing words with strong negative or positive sounding words to stand in for another concept may be helpful in your own conlang as well—if your culture has several groups with different beliefs, this is an interesting way to differentiate them.

I was telling my mom about my ideas while we were walking earlier, and we were trying to figure out why MC is scared of pretty much everything, why she takes HG along with her, why she decides that she needs to go to the Cascade since it's so far away, and what exactly happens at the end that resolves the story. We figured out something that changes pretty much the entire story, but also solves all of those problems! So… many of MC's close relatives have died in a series of freak accidents, and she is scared that the same will happen to her, so she takes every precaution possible to try to avoid it. The same thing has happened to one of HG's relatives, but instead of being scared, he decided to try to lead a more adventurous life (possibly like whoever the relative was)—because he could die at any time, he doesn't want to waste the time he has. Near the beginning, MC finds a journal or something from one of her relatives talking about the Cascade, and since the relative was generally trustworthy, she decides to follow what it says and try to find the Cascade, because with the eternal life that it will supposedly give her, she won't have to be quite so scared anymore.
So as originally planned, she sets off, finding HG when she was partway there. However, when he's trying to convince her to take him with her, she reveals something about where she's going and where she heard about it, and he recognizes the place from his relative's stories, but he hadn't known if it was real/where it was until then. Since he seems to have some more information on it, MC decides to take him. Now the traveling part of the story is more interesting because they have a mystery to solve—what happened to their relatives, why were they writing about the Cascade, and how are the two of them connected?
Unfortunately, I am not quite sure what the answers to all of those are xD My mom suggested that the relatives were spies or something, and the Cascade was some secret meeting place, so even when they find it and learn that the eternal life thing isn't true, they still find the answers that they've been looking for somewhere inside. I like the last part of that, but I'm not entirely sure about spies…I think it could possibly work, but there just might be an alternative that would work better with what I already have. I have quite a few restrictions of what it COULD be—it has to involve multiple families, be secretive enough that the people involved wouldn't tell the main characters, somehow involve the Cascade, and of course be dangerous enough for several people to have died while doing whatever it is. Does anyone have any suggestions on what it could be (or want to second the spy idea)? I really can't think of anything else…

Just 500 words of rambling about more ideas xD Any thoughts/feedback would be appreciated as always!

OKAY I think I possibly figured it out!! The reason I couldn't think of any ideas of what the relatives could be is that everything that I thought of seemed too far-reaching—spies definitely have a purpose that affects a lot of people, as do the other ideas that my mom and I were talking about. But what I originally enjoyed about this idea was that it really only involved two people, they are pretty cut off from everyone else. If I added in spies or a magical portal guarding group or people trying to colonize another planet, the story would just get a lot bigger, and I feel like that would just be too big for what I want to write. The problem is likely that ANYTHING (or almost anything, i'm sure there's something i haven't thought of xD) that meets my qualifications from a couple days ago (basically very secretive and very dangerous) is going to be a huge thing that involves a bunch of people. So, as I should have realized before thinking really hard about this for two days, I need to change those qualifications. It still needs to be relatively dangerous so that my characters/character development can happen, as well as involve the Cascade in some way so that they have a reason to go there, but maybe it doesn't need to be quite as secretive. What I landed on after thinking about that for a while is that some of the relatives of MC and HG (I think MC's mother and aunt and maybe HG's uncle?) were friends a long time before the story starts, and they did a lot of crazy adventure-y stuff together. This could still be dangerous, depending on what exactly they did together, and could cause a really bad accident that kicks off what I was thinking about originally. If it happened when MC and HG were young, then I could still show the differences between them that I was thinking about a couple days ago—MC associates the adventure-y stuff with death and therefore does not want to do it (and that would be a pretty traumatic thing to happen (yayyyy traumatizing characters ), especially since it would still be a very unlikely accident so she could still be scared it would happen to her too), but HG decides to follow in his uncle's footsteps and live life to the fullest. MC could still find the journal from her mom/aunt that talks about the Cascade (a place the group went together), and if HG was a bit older, he could remember his uncle's stories about the Cascade too. While this does erase some of the mystery that I was planning to having, I think that the focus on these two characters and their families would work best with what I was hoping this story would be. It gives more plot points and things for the characters to discuss without making the story too big.

Okay so with what I have figured out yesterday, I need to add some more things to my list of stuff that should happen
• MC needs to find the journal and decide to follow it
• MC needs to reveal something about her mom/aunt to HG, as well as why she's looking for the Cascade
⁃ (also i need to find out exactly what happened to them…
• HG needs to realize that it's the place that his uncle told him stories about
• They need to talk about their relatives/relationships with them/what happened after the TBD accident/why their families lost touch
• They need to learn a bit more about these relatives and what was happening between them.
• Once they get to the Cascade, they need to find something that was left by their relatives that resolves something that was wrong/a mystery
⁃ Maybee some sort of buried box of memories? Not entirely sure what it will be yet.

Also an idea! I feel like there's not really a purpose to the belief that the Cascade has ‘eternal life’ anymore—MC and HG both have a reason to go there regardless, and MC's character development can still happen without it being there. Also it was a bit sad that the entire promise of their quest ended up not being true, so if I can take that away I guess it's less disappointing? I never really loved that idea though so I might just be searching for a way to get rid of it lol.

And here are the main things I need to figure out right now:
• What happens at the Cascade? What exactly do they find?
⁃ I said a box of memories or something earlier…how is this important to the characters? It's basically the resolution of the story so it has to be very important in some way…
⁃ Maybe the characters just don't have much of a memory of whatever relatives these might be? The rest of MC's family might have not been supportive of the relatives' adventure-y stuff and might have just stopped talking about them after they died, so since that was a while ago it would make sense if MC doesn't remember them completely.
⁃ Ooh maybe the journal that MC found was only partway full and it said somewhere inside that there would be more journals at the Cascade, which could also have been a motivation for them to go there to begin with.
⁃ Also I said it needed to resolve some sort of mystery…the mystery could just be what exactly the relatives were doing and why? And what happened to them? I feel like they would know what happened to them, though…
• What happened to the relatives?
⁃ Not completely sure on this one…I want it to be something that was very random and unexpected, not something that outwardly seems dangerous, but still was caused (at least in part) by the adventure-y stuff that they did…I'll think about this more tomorrow xD
• Hmmm what else??
⁃ What else is going on with the relative's exploration group thing?
⁃ They are friends from school I think
⁃ And they formed the group when they were pretty young, way before MC and HG were around
⁃ Since they're getting older at the point when the accident happens, maybe the adventure thingy that they did was meant to be their last?
⁃ That might make it a bit more meaningful? That's not the right worddd…like random chance-y?
⁃ And the time after the adventure was meant to be fully devoted to their kids/nephew/niece, which makes it sadder
⁃ And at the point of the accident their group was meeting more sporadically, all of them had other things to do and they were growing apart, so that's why they decided that just having one more great adventure together would be enough.
⁃ Aaah I really need to figure out what exactly the accident was…I still have no idea what it could be!!! I said I would figure it out tonight but I am tireddd and I have no ideas
⁃ I might do some more research on what it could possibly be tomorrow. There's probably something I can find about adventure-y groups like this one that would be helpful to look at.
⁃ Soo in this case the box of memories would maybe be hidden there on the day of this last adventure thing with memories from that time in their life (like just after MC and HG were born…although HG is a bit older, hmm…), which makes it more meaningful to the two of them when they eventually find it.
⁃ So the accident happens on their way back from the Cascade
⁃ Also—maybe they did a lot fewer crazy things closer to the accident, but many many more when they are younger, which makes it ironic that they died during this one, which, while it is pretty crazy (whatever it is haha) it's nowhere near the sorts of things they used to be doing. And of course safety stuff has improved since they were younger so there would just have to be some sort of really bad malfunction for the accident to happen in the first place, because they definitely wouldn't do anything purposefully extremely dangerous (both the activity itself and the not wearing safety gear if it is available) since the kids exist and they don't want to die ofc.

Okay haha I need to write about something here and probably will just ramble a bit because I have no ideas except for writing another version of the outline, and writing something as detailed as that will probably take up a lot of time and I do not have a lot of time because it is 7:40 and after this I need to draw my pattern thingy and then actually make the pattern thingy and then draw some other stuff and read and sleep oh right sleep I love sleep, I also love reading though and that is also something I want to do, I got that interesting sounding book about publishing for children's books and I'm really excited to read that probably later tonight if I have a chance, I also need to finish the TJ Klune one that was SO good I want to see what happensss, I also want to read more of his books and I saw two copies of each of the ones I wanted to read at the library earlier but I didn't get them because I already have way too many books to finish, like that one called Agnes at the End of the World which sounded interesting a month or so ago so I put it on my reading list and I guess it sounded REALLY good because I actually got it from the library, but I still haven't read it, it's just sitting, sad and abandoned, on my book shelf while I try to get through the many many other things I need to read, like the several that I have started and not finished, but they are all so so good that I WANT to finish them, unlike that one called Flowerheart that I honestly just got because the cover looked amazing haha, I need to figure out who drew that cover once I finish writing this sentence, but it looks like it might be a while until I finish even though I could pretty much finish any time it has gotten so long that at this rate it might as well just not end, and I only have to write another 100 ish words on here until it is actually all of the writing I need to do…wow writing goes so fast when you don't really care what you're writing and you're just procrastinating on thinking of story ideas, I wish doing that kind of writing would be this easy haha, maybe someday it will be with practice since I've really only been writing this for like 5-10 minutes and having a wpm of 40-80 is definitely not inconceivable, especially if it is just a first draft of something it doesn't have to be absolutely perfect, and speaking of perfection apparently I need to get Fuzzy Raiders to perfection because I need to do a query letter for it, so I need to get back to working on that in a few days or so I guess.
Hmm yeah I am not positive on what I want to do next with the story, I really need to do some more thinking and planning haha. Well we'll just see what happens I guess! I'm probably just going to delete this in a minute since there's no point in keeping it (not really a point in the rest either haha) so see you later to this paragraph! Although I guess I'm still writing and not deleting quite yet so we're not quite to the point of goodbye…yay!

Redoing my scene list with the newly added stuff!

• Beginning!
⁃ MC finds her mother's notebook in the attic and sees that it talks about something called the Cascade and gives a map to it
⁃ For some reason TBD, she decides to follow it—she doesn't remember much about her mother or her aunt, both of whom died (along with some other guy she didn't know) in an accident when she was just a couple of years old.
⁃ She sets out on a trip to find the Cascade! However, she is very scared that an accident like what happened to her relatives would happen to her too, so she is very very careful.
• Middle
⁃ A little ways in, she has to stop to go to the bathroom or something, and the only place for miles is a small convenience store/gas station, so she decides to stop there
⁃ After some consideration, she goes in, but the store owner guy says that she has to buy something if she uses the restroom there.
⁃ She gets a bit scared because the guy is somewhat intimidating, but luckily there is some other person in the store who helps her out! Andd of course it is HG!
⁃ HG follows her out, saying that since he helped her she should now help him by taking him…somewhere, but MC of course does not want a random guy in her car and refuses
⁃ Eventually she tells him where exactly she's going because he will not go away, and he seems to recognize the name. He says that his uncle used to tell him stories about visiting that place, but since the stories always had some sort of fantasy-y element, he never knew that it was a real place.
⁃ After he says that he has a connection to that place, he is even more desperate to go with her, and eventually she agrees.
⁃ As they are driving towards where it's supposed to be, they share all of the information that they have about the relatives who died in the accident, which is admittedly not much because their families avoided talking about them afterwards.
⁃ MC also learns that HG had a very different reaction to their deaths than she did—he became more willing to try new things because something that could kill him could happen at any time, while she became more wary to do so because doing anything out of the ordinary increased the risk of something happening.
⁃ She considers his point of view on that, but pretty much just dismisses it (for now >).
⁃ Eventually since MC is getting a bit tired, she gives HG the map (she wasn't willing to trust him with it before) and lets him tell her where to go.
⁃ However, he quickly gets them way off track from where they're supposed to be and pretty much lost.
⁃ They get into an argument as they try to get back to the main road
⁃ They turn in the wrong direction and go down some dead-end road or something, but there's a very pretty view at the end, and they get out of the car (MC a bit reluctantly) to go watch the sun set
⁃ MC is very very tired, but she thinks that stopping to sleep in the car is too dangerous, as is finding a hotel or something to stay at
⁃ So they continue! They find their way back to the main road, by which time it is getting very dark. MC starts to drift off while driving (not good!!!) and eventually decides it would be more dangerous to do that and crash than to stop now. The road looks pretty empty at this point, so there's not much of a chance that someone will break into their car or whatever MC is worried about while they're sleeping.
⁃ In the morning, they resume their driving (MC gets up way earlier than HG and is ready to get started), and she briefly considers just leaving him there because he seems to be doing more harm than good, but decides not to because that would of course be bad for him, and at least he was able to keep her awake the previous night until she could find somewhere to stop.
⁃ They are getting relatively close to the Cascade now. There should really be something else that happens here since they've only been driving for a day (maybe I can spread stuff out a bit more? but since this is going to be longer I probably just need more stuff that will happen), but I don't know what that will be yet so I'm leaving it empty for now.
⁃ Okay now I have an idea of something that can happen on the second day!
⁃ HG begins to rummage around in MC's glovebox (he is very very bored…there's nothing interesting to do in her car because she very much does not want to get distracted while driving), and she is irritated that he's going through her things
⁃ But before she can tell him to stop, he pulls out a necklace! It's something that MC has had for a while and had found somewhere in her house. It's nothing especially fancy, but it has a little key on the end
⁃ MC snatches it back, asking what he's doing, and he pulls out a necklace of his own with a little lock on it.
⁃ Now somewhat interested, she pulls over and takes the necklace from him. She worries that there will be something dangerous inside (from what she knows about her relatives, who knew what they could have been up to?), but eventually very cautiously sticks the key into the lock.
⁃ She pulls the lock open and finds…a rolled up slip of paper with some numbers written on it! It looks pretty old and has stains all over it, as well as a couple of fingerprints. She is now confident that this has to belong to the relatives, and that it likely has something to do with the Cascade (why?? maybe there's some sort of Cascade-related writing on it? i'm not sure yet).
⁃ MC and HG are both glad to have found something that belonged to the relatives
⁃ Anyway, that's probably still going to be pretty short, so I still will need more things to fill up this day!! I tend to cover a lot of plot in not a lot of words, so having a lot of plot is important so I don't run out of things to say haha.
⁃ At some point, they pull up to what is basically the end of the road—there's a big rail blocking the road, which ends at the beginning of a forest
⁃ MC checks her map again—there was nothing on there that led her to believe there was a forest, the little line they were following along the roads doesn't change in any way. She quickly gets very stressed out because she was not at all prepared for this, she didn't bring any of the supplies that she would have if she had known there was walking involved!
⁃ HG reassures her—there's only a small percentage of the journey shown as a line through the forest, so it can't be all that far to the Cascade from there! Probably a couple of miles at the very most, so there's no need for extra supplies. Also their car is very low on gas, and there isn't a gas station for quite a few miles in any direction.
⁃ MC is somewhat convinced, and she's excited enough by the prospect of finally being almost there that she agrees to just go for it.
⁃ They start to walk into the woods, still following the map
⁃ Once they make it a mile or so in, they realize that they just passed a landmark that was on the map VERY close to where they set off.
⁃ MC is a bit mad, she blames HG for misreading the map.
⁃ She starts off back to the car, assuming that once they get there her phone will have internet connection and she will be able to call for help! HG follows her, trying to reason with her
⁃ Unfortunately, due to not being able to charge her phone while she was driving for the last two days, it runs out of battery right as they get back to the car. With very little gas left, there doesn't seem to be a way out. MC gets even more angry with HG, and basically just goes off into the forest herself, following the map towards where the Cascade is supposed to be. HG tries to go after her but she obviously doesn't want him to follow her.
⁃ It is starting to get dark, and since MC is very unprepared and doesn't have any light, there's no way for her to read the map. And now, of course, she now realizes that going away from the car and the only other person who knows where she is was a really bad idea…
⁃ MC turns back, hoping to get back to the relative safety of the car
⁃ She goes back where she thinks she came from farther than she thinks that she is supposed to, and when she doesn't get back to the car, she realizes that she is probably lost. And she has no idea where HG, who would probably know what to do in this situation, is.
⁃ She is a bit panicky (who wouldn't be, haha) but thinks of what HG would do (he needs to demonstrate some type of survival-y knowledge earlier in the story so this makes sense)—probably stop looking because it's too dark for her to get anywhere, and try to find a safer place to rest so that she can find her way back in the morning when she can actually see the map.
⁃ Surprising herself with how calm she is (earlier in the story she (hopefully) wouldn't have been able to do this, she would be too scared and would just stay up and look around all night, getting even more lost probably), she feels her way around, eventually finding a good-ish place (need to find what that might be…the internet does not recommend sleeping outside without a tent/sleeping bag/hammock/anything else and I can't find many ideas of what a good place would be).
⁃ She somehow manages to sleep for a bit, but she wakes up again when she hears someone screaming
⁃ She immediately gets up, wide awake despite the sun just having started to rise, and runs towards it, assuming it's HG since he's the only person she knows is out there
⁃ Andd guess what?? It's HG! And some strange large creature is chasing him or growling at him or something! I still need to find where this is taking place so that I know what kind of animal it could be, but it's pretty much just something big and scary.
⁃ Despite all of her instincts telling her to run, MC wants to protect her friend! She finds a large stick on the ground and throws it at whatever the creature is…and misses by an embarrassing amount.
⁃ It turns away from HG (yay!) and towards MC (oops!), beginning to walk towards her, looking very very angry.
⁃ She finds another stick, but decides that her aim is horrible enough that throwing it would be pointless and would only make it more angry.
⁃ HG is gesturing at a tree or something from behind the creature, and somehow she makes a run for it and is able to climb partway up the tree, and the branches sticking out deter it from going after her if it can climb. HG also gets partway up a tree, yay!
⁃ The creature walks around the base of the tree growling at her, and under her weight one of the branches of the tree breaks off and falls onto its head. She is only barely able to hang on and not fall down too
⁃ After being hit by a large branch, the creature leaves (yay!), and after a reasonable period of time, MC and HG decide it is safe to get down
⁃ HG jumps down easily, but since the helpful branch that MC climbed up on broke, the way down would involve dropping several feet.
⁃ MC is, of course, scared that she will break her leg or something, but decides to just go for it. Before HG can even get over to her to help, she jumps down and is, other than a slightly hurt leg, totally fine! She is very happy with herself.
⁃ Since the sun is rising, they finally can see the map again! They look at it for a while, and after a bit they realize that the clearing that they're currently standing in is one of the landmarks on it—they somehow got about halfway there!
⁃ Both very excited about how close they are, they keep walking towards the Cascade
⁃ MC manages to actually enjoy herself and let down her guard, enjoying the feeling of being outside and away from pretty much everything and everyone.
⁃ At some point later, they make it to where the map says the Cascade is! They push through the trees and…there's a small pool/waterfall thingy! It's a bit disappointing—they were expecting there to be more
⁃ They look around, eventually finding a rocky outcropping with some loose dirt underneath. MC sees something shiny under the dirt and brushes it aside, finding a plastic or metal box!! Unfortunately, it has one of those spinny lock things on it, and they don't know the code.
⁃ However, HG remembers that they found the little paper piece inside the necklace with numbers on it! MC still has it in her pocket, and she pulls it out. Unfortunately, though, it's a bit wet and dirty, and one of two of the numbers aren't visible. That still definitely narrows down the possibilities, so they put in the numbers that they know and try to fill in the blanks. After a few tries, they figure it out, and they manage to open the lock!
⁃ They look inside the box, finding a stack of photographs! Hooray! The stack has pictures of their relatives, mostly pictures of them together that they hadn't seen before, as well as a journal written by all of them together when they were younger.
⁃ They look through all of the things and feel happy?? Yay?? Idk what else happens haha.


Character thumbnail sketch!

For this story, I knew I needed someone for whom making a journey of this size would be difficult, if not impossible, with the mindset that they started out with. I also needed someone with a personal connection to the Cascade, and therefore a reason to go there.
So what I landed on was someone who is scared of literally everything. It wouldn't make much (or any, really) sense for them to be scared of everything without a reason for it, so after a LOT of deliberation, I decided that they would have had to have something happen in their past that completely shakes their faith in the fact that their survival is assured. So, I poured in some deliciously death-y family trauma! When she was pretty young, probably about five though maybeee a year or two older, her parents got together with an old friend of theirs for one last adventure together, and all of them died in a complete freak accident. As I was saying earlier, this leads her to believe that anything, even walking outside, can and will kill her the moment she lets her guard down. I'll write more about this tomorrow probably in the misbelief section! Sidenote, but it's really funny that some of the first things I thought about for this character are some of the things that this book wants me to write about—already halfway there!
She is definitely at a turning point in her life at the time the story starts. She's just finished high school (online, most likely, if not homeschooled) and is considering her prospects for college. She of course doesn't want to go anywhere in person at the time of the story, but the options seem a bit limited (she has some very specific interest that she wants to pursue, and the best programs for doing so are in person). She has very few connections—maybe some online friends, but she's terrified of connections in person so she probably does not know many people, and those she does know are probably not considered friends. So, somewhere around this time, she for some reason is poking around in the attic and finds her mother's journal, which has a map to the Cascade and indicates that it was an important spot to her and her friends. Maybe some other things are happening at the time that cause her to have fewer ties to the place she lives than usual, but either way, that should be enough to give her the necessary kick in the pants to get started




Misbelief—the character's want and the fear keeping them from reaching it!

Luckily, I have quite a few ideas on this already! I know that her fear is dying in a similar accident as the one that killed her relatives (and their friend), more specifically the idea that such an accident could happen to anyone at any time. I'm not entirely sure what she wants, though. Maybe, playing off of what I was talking about in the previous section, her want could be to study whatever it is she is really passionate about in complete safety. But she has to realize that safety isn't really what she thinks it is—she believes that to stay safe she can't do anything she wants to and must stay inside all the time, but she needs to figure out that while the rest of the world is dangerous, entering it is the only way that she can do what she loves.
Hopefully that is a strong enough desire/fear for her…


The moment her beliefs shifted!
Okay I do not feel like actually writing this right now since I am very tired, but here is the general idea of what happens:
• MCs parents are preparing for her mom and aunt's trip, and her mom seems more excited that MC has ever seen her. She is whirling around the house really quickly, and before MC knows it she's ready to leave.
• She is also ignoring MC more than usual, which makes MC a little sad, but when MC comes up to her mom with a book of fairy tales and asks for a bedtime story, she happily reads one for her. Her dad, as usual, just rolls his eyes at them—he doesn't believe in fairy tales at all and thinks that it's useless to read them, much less believe in them to the extent that MC, her mother, and her aunt do. MC and her mother ignore him, though—it's always been the thing that they can do together
• MC falls asleep before the story is over, and she has a vague memory of her mom saying goodnight/goodbye before she leaves
• When she wakes up, only her dad is there, and she feels a bit sad. However, she believes in her relatives coming back of course, why wouldn't she? They're doing something that could be dangerous, but her mom promised that she would come back for her, and MC believes her.
• Later that day (or the next day?), they get the news that the relatives died in an accident, even before the dangerous part of the journey happened. Her father is very very sad. MC goes up to him with her storybook, hoping that something would have changed and he would be willing to read one with her (and finish the one they had started the previous night), but he doesn't want to.
• She was so surprised by the relatives' death because there were no clues beforehand that it was going to happen, it just…did. Before this moment, she never thought that death could happen to anyone who wasn't old or sick, but now that she knows better, she takes protecting her own safety to a very extreme level—she doesn't want to leave a hole in anyone's life in the way her mother and aunt did to her (not that she blames them for it or anything, she just doesn't want the same thing to happen to her).



Mystery

Mystery!

On second thought, maybe it wasn't the greatest idea to explore the abandoned zoo in the middle of the night.
I had started to have second thoughts when my flashlight grew too dim to see more than two feet in front of me, but now that there was that strange growling emanating from the enclosures behind me, it definitely seemed like it was time to leave. I turned around, planning to go right back out the door to this area that I came in through, but it immediately closed with a loud clang, leaving me in almost complete darkness.
Slamming my hand against the side of the useless flashlight, I tried to slap it into submission, but I only seemed to succeed in making the light still dimmer. And besides, there were more important things to focus on now, chief among them being the glowing green eyes blinking at me from behind the metal bars of the sloth enclosure.
As I'm sure anyone else would do in this situation, I screamed, turned to run away. Unfortunately, there happened to be a wall directly behind me, and I smacked right into it and was knocked to the ground. Picking myself up from the cold stone floor, I cast another nervous glance behind me—the eyes were gone. Somehow, this was even more terrifying. Mentally measuring the gap between the bars, I figured that a skinny sloth could easily squeeze their way through, and it could very well be creeping up on me from behind right now.
Shimmying sideways until my back was to the corner, I gripped my flashlight like a sword, ready to fight off any rampaging mammals that came my way.
On second thought, though, what *would* a sloth be doing here? According to the zoo's website, it had closed, and had been emptied of all its inhabitants, ten years ago—it should have been the perfect location for a night of urban exploring, not the site of a sloth-starring horror movie. Why would there still be animals left inside? And on a windless night, why would that door have closed behind me?


Fantasy!

Gloren of the Misty Swamps was not having a good day. On top of Ophelia, her witch mentor, being really cranky (even more so than usual), turning her into a lizard (again), and abandoning her while she went to gather herbs (come on, did they really need more rosemary?), she still hadn't been able to master the humanification spell she had been learning just for situations like these.
So, Gloren found herself crawling up the edge of the bookshelf, long green tail waggling behind her in annoyance, in search of her magic book. Why, oh why, had she needed to spend so much time learning the spells for summoning animals or cleaning the floor when she could have been learning things that could have actually helped her?!
After a few moments, she made it to the proper shelf. She crawled to the back side of the tome, trying to push it out out of its slot on the bookshelf, but she was so tiny that even putting all her force into it accomplished nothing.
Gloren sighed, wishing she could cross her arms in annoyance but knowing how hard it was for lizards to balance on their hind legs, and wriggled back to the front side of the bookcase. Maybe that animal-calling spell might actually come in handy…
Singing out a trio of magic-infused notes with her weak lizardy voice, Gloren waited a moment. Spells like these usually took a lot of effort, and since she had never tried one in this form before, she had no idea whether it would even work.
But, sure enough, a horde of rabbits (and, for whatever reason, a single frog sitting on one's head) barged in through the door, eager to do her bidding.



Animal story!

“I don't know what kinda food you eat,” Brady snapped, leaping down from his branch, “but I know we're a whole lot bigger than it.”
With that, he jumped at the cat, who simply sat there, tail twitching in disdain, as he landed a full foot short of her snout, his fat bulging out to the sides as he slammed into the ground. Fluffy ears twitching in rage, Brady picked himself up and raced towards Calypso, but she just took a single step aside and he missed.
Floyd chuckled, rubbing his little paws together gleefully. Calypso stalked towards the squirrels, cornering them between a stump and a boulder.
“So, what'll it be?” Floyd chittered. “Work for us, or never work again?”
“Never workin' again sounds pretty great,” Rinaldo squeaked, eyes flitting between the cat and the chubby squirrel boss. “Takin' a vacation, maybe with a never-ending nut fountain or two…”
“Rinaldo!” Brady whispered. “I think he means…” Brady pointed to the cat, then traced a line across his neck.
“Ohhh!” the other squirrel finally caught on. “Well, in that case, I think we'll take the first option.”

7: Invention
Invention Name: The Puppy Cube (my siblings just gave me two words and well, here we are-)
Word Count: 239/200
Date Completed (for me): 11/22/23
Time Completed (UTC): 9:28pm
Time Completed (MST): 2:28pm
Link to Booklet: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/7622714/

Hello my dear, hello! Might you be interested in a Puppy Cube? You’ve heard of a Rubik's cube, but this is superior in every way! Each face of this three by three cube is covered in the faces of a certain breed of dog. Huskies on one side, pugs on another! We also have Pomeranians, Golden Retrievers, Doxins and… you guessed it! We also have Poodles! Each dog’s face always looks at you with adoration as you solve the puzzle in front of you. And, guess what! The dogs are able to bark, thanks to our secret mango magi- I mean, careful programming! They almost act like real dogs, sans the actually physical dog. A few disclaimers, finally. The dogs are prone to barking insanely loudly during the nighttime, or whenever they’re distracted by something they think is threatening. Along with that, they can be a bit aggressive to their neighbors, so you might hear them fighting with each other from time to time. Each cube is custom-made using our ‘special programming’, so each dog face often has a different personality that can clash. They also are prone to whining, so do be aware that you can do nothing to aid them except solve the cube. When the cube is solved, the dogs are filled with such joy to be by their own breed again. If you leave the cube unsolved, they will get increasingly less and less happy.

daily 22 - advertisement
203 words

Are you tired of staying up until ungodly hours of the night studying for all your exams? Are you sick of all those pesky calculus teachers assigning you so much work? Would you rather spend your free time writing advertisements for fake products than finding all the derivatives of different functions?
Well, fear not! With the new hit product, ‘Calculus Remover,’ you can remove all of those problems with one simple press of a button! Just click the big red button on our product marked ‘DANGEROUS - DO NOT PRESS AT ALL COSTS’ and all your worries will mysteriously disappear. You'll finally have time to learn how to integrate into society rather than wasting all of it integrating functions!
Just go to the Bee Inc. website, and enter in the code ‘I LOVE DEALS,’ and you'll be able to get an epic deal on our new product - up to 70 + 2i% off! So, what are you waiting for? Why are you still wasting your time reading this? Just go visit our website, and buy YOUR calculus remover today!
(Side effects may include mysterious disappearance of all your family and friends, mass disruption of the economy, and several governments being overthrown)
Buy calculus remover today!

daily!

“Hello, everyone! welcome, everyone! My name is James Potter. You may have heard of my father, Fleamont Potter, the famous inventor of Sleekeasy’s Hair Potion. Now, not to be arrogant or anything, but I believe I may have outdone my beloved father with my recent creation, James Potter’s One Potion For Everyone Impress Your Crush Drink! The title is still a work in progress, don’t worry. If you have any ideas for a better one, I’d love to hear it. But for now, let’s get into the interesting part of this presentation.
James Potter’s One Potion For Everyone Impress Your Crush Drink enhances what’s already within you to make you into something sure to impress anyone, and I mean anyone. It revitalizes and enhances your looks, boosts your confidence, clears your muddled thoughts, and gives you a bit of extra strength and energy. Currently it does wear off after only one hour no matter the dosage, but improvements on that are in the works. Would you like to see how it looks in action?”
The crowd that has gathered over the course of his speech erupts in cheers. They all can guess exactly what the infamous James Potter is planning. I still can’t quite believe I agreed to do this.
James grabs a vial from the display table beside him. He downs it in one go before turning and staring right at me. I stare back, feeling triumphant. He failed.
“Hey, Evans,” he calls, “did it work?”
I shake my head. “Screw you, Potter.”

Immediately from the start, it’s very relatable. I loved the phrases “late hours were her epiphany” and “waiting for her creations to become something beautiful,” because, I, too, am a 3 am artist. You honestly described me with that paragraph better than I can describe myself. Only suggestion I have is that reusing the word “little” twice in the first two sentences sounds kind of repetitive, maybe try saying something along the lines of “Ever since she was very young” instead. In the next paragraph, I don’t think that first “as” is supposed to be there. Good way to express the passage of time, though. The next paragraph contains the phrase “draw all the colours of the myriad which decorated her tapestry of success,” which I think is absolutely gorgeous wording, a perfect metaphor. I love that so much. :0 Continuing on, the change in tone was very sudden and very striking. It worked well, especially since the following paragraphs continued to use that poetic language, but now, the words held negative connotations, and seemed so much more harsh, yet still beautiful in a way. One correction- “belittling her to being an outcast” should be “belittling her *for* being an outcast.” The rest of it looked completely pristine; there’s nothing else really for me to critique. May I just say that the conclusion was brilliant, both in the way it echoed the “that was enough” from the beginning, and the way Ambrosia’s personality really shone through? I really liked it! You totally succeeded in making a realistic and relatable character- I think the majority of people can agree that at some point or another, the weight of expectations and judgement, whether from family, school, or society, has tried to cage their brains. But individuality finds a way, some little protected haven, where the spark can be kept alight- Yeah, sorry for rambling a bit, but that part just really resonated with me. :’3 Amazing writing!

Are you bored with the traditional way of drinking smoothies? Does the monotonous procedure of manually raising a cup to your lips and dumping its contents into your mouth leave you feeling exhausted and unfulfilled? Well, worry no more, because we have just the product for you! The talented team of researchers here at Scratch Writing Camp Inc. is proud to introduce to you the Water Balloon Smoothie Launcher™, a cutting-edge piece of machinery designed specifically to improve your smoothie-consuming experience, finally providing the entertainment you need in your everyday hydration routine! The Water Balloon Smoothie Launcher™ works by using a motorized blender to mix the smoothie and activate the hydraulic balloon-filling mechanism. When all balloons are prepared for launch, simply aim the nozzle at your face and open wide! Its high-tech robotic targeting system will ensure that that juicy, delicious smoothie will land directly in your mouth, each gulp encased in a strong but flexible edible water balloon! It’s even easy to refill- just pour in water and smoothie mix (sold separately), and let the machine do the rest! The Water Balloon Smoothie Launcher™ has four fun and exciting speed settings: ‘spray bottle,’ ‘drinking fountain,’ ‘garden hose,’ and ‘waterfall.’ It also comes in a variety of awesome colors and patterns, including the limited-edition neon-green Flying Turtle! Never suffer through a boring smoothie again- order The Water Balloon Smoothie Launcher™ today!

Daily 22, 245 words

The life of a writer is one of much toil and stress. It is challenging to keep working on a novel and continuing to stay inspired especially during this period of intense turmoil. New authors flock to SWC to be introduced into the world of writing, and face fear from massive word counts piling high to the sky. Is there any way not to lose hope?
Introducing… the Mango Motivator Machine! Don’t fear, soon your motivational distress will come to an end! All you need to do is position the Mango Motivator next to your keyboard. Every fifty or one hundred words you type (there are adjustable settings) you will receive a mango treat dispensed by the machine, perfect for snacking! This reward system can be stocked with special mango delicacies, including dried mango chews, mango fruit bars, mango flavored gum, tropical mango ice cream, or mango bread*! There is no limit for the mango motivation!
The Mango Motivator will keep your writing on track each day, as per your preset goal. If, by any chance, you fail to meet your daily requirement, it’s time for arso–ahem, the writer will not be provided with delicious and tasty mango treats.** Your progress as a beginning author will be salvaged by the Mango Motivator Machine!
*Each sold separately.
**The Mango Motivator Machine is not responsible for any destruction of flammable materials and items. These include but are not limited to paper, notebooks, electronics, and miscellaneous writing utensils.