Come on. There must be one

There is. It's mentioned in this article: https://en.scratch-wiki.info/wiki/Python
It's scratch2py.

Scratch2pY does not seem to be a converter, it seems to be a module for python that interacts with the scratch website, and this person seems to want a language converter that translates scratch project JSONs into a python script. This would be very difficult to make considering it would require a rewrite of almost all of the core mechanics of the scratch project player, and would require tons of dependencies.

AFAIK @imfh is working on one - read their WIWO.