Tip of the day
The most important part of a character is not their set of traits. It's not the things they like, the tings they hate, and all the habits they have. The things that are really important are their goals and beliefs- that's what you need to work on first when making a character.

Goals: What does your character want to achieve in the short term? What are their long term goals? What do they want to get out of life? How has their life already shaped their goals? What do they need/want to achieve in the next minute? Hour? Day? Week? Month? Year?

Beliefs:
What are your character's morals? What traits and skills do they admire? What traits and skills do they loathe? What do they think of the world? What would they call utopia? How has their life shaped their beliefs? How capable of change are they? Do their beliefs hurt them?

Tip of the day
Don't think you have to write your whole story in chronological order- that's the quickest way to get writer's block. Write what you know and want to first then fill in the gaps later: it stops you from forgetting good ideas and allows you to get more down as you're not stuck staring at a screen for hours on end hoping to find a way to get your characters to the next write-able bit.

EVEN MORE THE MISSING CHAO CHAPTERS

Chapter 11
Part 2 of Chapter 11 + Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14

(DON'T REVIEW YET, FOR FUTURE POST)
Chapter 17
Chapter 18

(FireFox crashed while I was in the process of creating and posting Pastebin links in the “New reply” section, so I had to go back and create new pastes. )

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

EVEN MORE THE MISSING CHAO CHAPTERS
-snip-

I think I'm going to stick to my “finding specific examples and discussing them” technique unless I spot any new patterns or trends.

"Trees and grass slowly wandered away like scared rodents and sand came in just like a packaging box.-“ This line is a bit hard to interpret and it took me reading over it three times to realise you meant they were walking into a desert. Maybe rely less on similes and instead give strong description (e.g: ”The lush foliage of the forest slowly withered away into small sprouts of tough bushes and the soft grassy dirt trickled away into sand.“)
”The radiation soaked the 5 Mobian's flesh-" I think this in an instance of going a bit too technical and making it sound a bit unpleasant.
"and gallons of water busted out of their pores.“ The same issue as above but kind of worse on the unpleasantness. You should use more words that convey the discomfort of the heat rather than just words that sound uncomfortable.

”Lack of fluids led to Team Emerald wandering like 1 MPH.“ This is an instance where show, don't tell' should be applied- rather than just telling the audience that Team Emerald are going slow, maybe use more descriptive words like ”trudging“ to emphasise how tired and slow they are.

”Shadow was wearing black pajamas, Silver yellow pajamas, Blaze purple pajamas with magenta edges, Floee a pink simple nightgown, and Rouge a magenta sports bra with black edges and black sweatpants.“- sections of clothing description often distract from the narrative and tend to take away from the reading experience as you railroad the audience into seeing things exactly how you want them too and give the impression that you're more focused on the aesthetics of the piece than the story itself.

”Hey, Cream!“ Amy growled like a panther. ”You know you're too young for a 15 year old!“ The fact that Amy assumed a young child was flirting with her partner and the narrative's implication that she might have been trying to do that is uncomfortable for the audience.

”She stared at the pitch black sky for how long a dragonfly flew in the air" While I understand your intention, how long a dragonfly flies through the air is a very vague measurement of time comparable to saying “as long as a piece of string”.

“it was roughly the size of the biggest pizza in the world” Similar problem as above. While there is a set value to the biggest pizza in the world, it's a very obscure value that makes it hard for the audience to visualise.

"pouted like a broccoli hater“ This doesn't really make a lot of sense. While people who dislike broccoli are picky with food, hence why you probably used it, they're not really known for pouting or associated with it. ”pouted like fussy children“ or something like that would probably work better.

”The red ‘chinda“ This is a common problem I think many people do. describing characters in vague ”the {adjective}{person}“ terms should generally be avoided, especially if this character has been in thew story multiple times, spoke in this scene already and we know who they are. The only times that format should really be used is if we don’t know anything else about a character, even then you should drop the adjective if it isn't needed to tell them apart (e.g: if there's only one man in the scene you don't need to call him ”the tall man“). In the case of your scene, ”he“ would suffice.

”including intelligent himself.“ Not only is this grammatically incorrect (I think the correct form is ”including his intelligent self"), but this is information the audience already knows and has already been told and shown quite a bit.

Overall though, I think one of the main issues with your storytelling is that it isn't adapted to a book/novel style. Your work is a lot more visual and would probably work better if applied to script writing or story boarding.

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

EVEN MORE THE MISSING CHAO CHAPTERS
-snip-

-snipadoodle-

Overall though, I think one of the main issues with your storytelling is that it isn't adapted to a book/novel style. Your work is a lot more visual and would probably work better if applied to script writing or story boarding.

So, you want me to write a comic?

Okay…

Maybe that would help me beat Ian Flynn or Evan Stanley.

PrincessPanda_test_ wrote:

So, you want me to write a comic?

Okay…

Well, not a comic specifically- it's just that, from what I can tell, you tend to convert visualised scenes into written word, which means your writing would come out better when using a format that creates visual scenes (plays, animations, live-action media, comics).

Tip of the day
Every scene you include in your story should have a purpose. Scenes that don't advance the plot, develop characters, explore necessary exposition or anything similar basically act as filler but worse.
For example, let's say you're writing a story about nerdy Anna going through the trials and tribulations of high school while exploring her newfound crush on cool goth Jane. You want to add a scene where Anna goes to popular boy Chad's party on a Saturday. If we just have Anna enjoying a nice time at the party then going home with no changes to the narrative, there was literally no need to have the party in the first place.
To make the party mean something, you could have any of these events occur:
Something happens at the party to advance the plot
This could be anything, really. Maybe Jane is at the party and Anna tries to talk to her. Maybe Anna overhears something bad about Jane at the party. Maybe Anna gets bullied, harassed or generally worse for wear after the party.
Characters get developed at the party
Maybe Anna finds out about Jane and some of her interests while at the party. Maybe Anna finds out she hates high school parties, or loves them. Maybe we learn that Chad looks up to Anna in some way. Perhaps Anna finds some new hobbies. Maybe we just see a side or interest of Anna that we hadn't before.
Exposition
Maybe Chad used to be Anna's best friend in nursery. Maybe both their parents get along. Maybe Anna gets upset at the party because all the drinking reminds her of her old mother. Maybe we learn that Jane is Chad's cousin.

A good way to spot if a scene is missing any of these factors is to take it out completely and see it it affects the story- if it doesn't either leave it out or rewrite it so it does.
EDIT- just adjusted a line I thought was a bit strong.

Tip of the day
Research, research, research! Writing a character from a country you're never lived in? Research. Writing someone with a mental/physical illness/disorder you don't have? Research. Setting your fantasy story in medieval times? Research.
Doing anything you don't have first hand experience with or a large amount of knowledge on?
You guessed it.
Also, just knowing someone who is whatever race/sexuality/disorder/etc that you're writing doesn't count- everyone has different experiences and different amounts of fluency with them, plus if you just keep asking your friend/relative/etc loads of questions you could just look up yourself you're going to come off as a bit irritating.

Tip of the day
If you're struggling to get writing or having an issue with writer's block it's very useful to figure out what specifically is causing it. Here are some useful things to check:

Firstly, are you being distracted by other things? Figure out whether these things are taking your focus or relieving you from your lack of it. Are you struggling to write because you keep checking your phone or checking your phone because you're hesitant to write?

Secondly, Are you stuck on a specific line or part of the story? Leave yourself a note of what needs to happen in brackets then move on to a part of the story that you can write.

Thirdly, are you procrastinating to avoid writing-related fears? Figure out what your fear is and challenge it. The only way to move forward is to put that obstacle behind you.

Fourthly, are you actually in the mood to write? Certain emotions and feelings can make writing properly very difficult, plus sometimes we just don't have the energy to write. Rather than stressing out over your writing, take a break and relax.

Tip of the day
To add identity to your characters, you should give them a unique voice- consider what words they use, how they choose to say things and any vocal habits they may have. Remember not to overdo or exaggerate it to the point where it becomes unreadable or potentially offensive (spelling out accents or over exaggerated lisps/stutters are an example of this) and of course, do your research.

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
To add identity to your characters, you should give them a unique voice- consider what words they use, how they choose to say things and any vocal habits they may have. Remember not to overdo or exaggerate it to the point where it becomes unreadable or potentially offensive (spelling out accents or over exaggerated lisps/stutters are an example of this) and of course, do your research.

Hm, i think this may be a bit of a problem I have… sometimes i give that idiot kid some mispronunciations or grammar mistakes, sometimes my writing nerd character breaks into prose-y language, some characters are more likely to curse than others (it's pretty mild)… but otherwise, all characters sound pretty much the same. Is there any more subtle way to make them sound any different?

cheese-duck wrote:

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
To add identity to your characters, you should give them a unique voice- consider what words they use, how they choose to say things and any vocal habits they may have. Remember not to overdo or exaggerate it to the point where it becomes unreadable or potentially offensive (spelling out accents or over exaggerated lisps/stutters are an example of this) and of course, do your research.

Hm, i think this may be a bit of a problem I have… sometimes i give that idiot kid some mispronunciations or grammar mistakes, sometimes my writing nerd character breaks into prose-y language, some characters are more likely to curse than others (it's pretty mild)… but otherwise, all characters sound pretty much the same. Is there any more subtle way to make them sound any different?

You can:

• Give them words/phrases they often use (such as “very” or “but then”)
  
• Figure out common words/phrases/idioms from the places they live and make them use those
  
• Give them different accents
  
• Give them words they often avoid using
  
• Make them use different length words and sentences
  
• Make them use different tones in different situations (e.g: when threatened, one person might cry while another might get angry)
  

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

cheese-duck wrote:

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
To add identity to your characters, you should give them a unique voice- consider what words they use, how they choose to say things and any vocal habits they may have. Remember not to overdo or exaggerate it to the point where it becomes unreadable or potentially offensive (spelling out accents or over exaggerated lisps/stutters are an example of this) and of course, do your research.

Hm, i think this may be a bit of a problem I have… sometimes i give that idiot kid some mispronunciations or grammar mistakes, sometimes my writing nerd character breaks into prose-y language, some characters are more likely to curse than others (it's pretty mild)… but otherwise, all characters sound pretty much the same. Is there any more subtle way to make them sound any different?

You can:

• Give them words/phrases they often use (such as “very” or “but then”)
  
• Figure out common words/phrases/idioms from the places they live and make them use those
  
• Give them different accents
  
• Give them words they often avoid using
  
• Make them use different length words and sentences
  
• Make them use different tones in different situations (e.g: when threatened, one person might cry while another might get angry)
  

- hmm good point, all i have is the guy who says “thing” and that failed, so i should reconsider that
- they all come from like the same place lol (generic northeast american suburbs)
- again they all come from like the same place rip
- everyone avoids using “perfect” because reasons but good point, thanks
- another thing i already use a bit but i should use more
- huh that's… like a REALLY good way… it also builds on their personality…
t h a n k

Tip of the day
A lot of us like to write fantasy/sci-fi based stories, so I think this is a useful tip. If you could removed all the fantasy/sci-fi stuff from your work, would the story be completely (or mostly) unaffected? If so, you should try and work your concepts into the narrative more, or not use them at all. While all these fantasy/sci-fi elements might seem cool at first, if the narrative barely uses or explores them, it's just going to be unnecessary and irritating in the long run.

cheese-duck wrote:

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

cheese-duck wrote:

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
To add identity to your characters, you should give them a unique voice- consider what words they use, how they choose to say things and any vocal habits they may have. Remember not to overdo or exaggerate it to the point where it becomes unreadable or potentially offensive (spelling out accents or over exaggerated lisps/stutters are an example of this) and of course, do your research.

Hm, i think this may be a bit of a problem I have… sometimes i give that idiot kid some mispronunciations or grammar mistakes, sometimes my writing nerd character breaks into prose-y language, some characters are more likely to curse than others (it's pretty mild)… but otherwise, all characters sound pretty much the same. Is there any more subtle way to make them sound any different?

You can:

• Give them words/phrases they often use (such as “very” or “but then”)
  
• Figure out common words/phrases/idioms from the places they live and make them use those
  
• Give them different accents
  
• Give them words they often avoid using
  
• Make them use different length words and sentences
  
• Make them use different tones in different situations (e.g: when threatened, one person might cry while another might get angry)
  

- hmm good point, all i have is the guy who says “thing” and that failed, so i should reconsider that
- they all come from like the same place lol (generic northeast american suburbs)
- again they all come from like the same place rip
- everyone avoids using “perfect” because reasons but good point, thanks
- another thing i already use a bit but i should use more
- huh that's… like a REALLY good way… it also builds on their personality…
t h a n k

While giving characters individual personalities is a tad bit difficult, I've found a way around it. I give them different dialects, accents, and a personality I deem fits them as I'm writing and it sticks. I know this is extremely vague and not helpful though.

YAY! hang on…………………………………………………………………………….. how do u get ideas if there is nothing in……….. in ur head? i mean ideas LOL!!!

like really i like books! ALOT!

  so i really what to know soon and i mean it I soz for getting mad I  :D  

when backdrop switches to [ (answer)v] 

petme wrote:

how do u get ideas if there is nothing in in ur head?

There are many ways to come up with story ideas!

• Find writing prompts (there are many sites for prompts online)
  
• Use random generators- you can find generators to give you characters/plots or if you're feeling more adventurous you could use a random word generator and take inspiration from the word
  
• Look at other books/movies/etc you enjoy and take inspiration from them (make sure you don't copy them completely)
  
• Write a story based on something that's happened to you
  

Tip of the day
There has to be something enjoyable in a story for someone to want to read it- this seems simple, but it's something we often forget. Sometimes we can get too bogged down in plot-lines and worldbuilding to actually make it interesting, or we can get too focused on making a ‘dark’ story and ignore this rule, thinking it will ruin the theme. Adding ‘fun’ to your fiction is key and can be seen in even the darkest and saddest of stories- in fact, starting really innocently can really boost a dark/sad story.
When writing a story, make sure to add at least three things from this list, preferably more (you can use one listed thing multiple times):

• Something in your characters life that the audience would desire to have (e.g: a pet, good at a skill, nice hobby)
  
• A cool technology/magic element (in an appropriate story)
  
• A nice bit of beautiful/awe-inspiring scenery
  
• Your characters doing something fun for a chapter
  
• A moment of comic relief
  

Tip of the day
A lot of us have really ambitious stories we want to make- massive fantasy worlds, big plots with tons of arcs and tons and tons of in depth characters. We're often inspired by our favourite series that have masses of books, episodes and/or games with more content than we can keep up with.
While there is nothing wrong with wanting to write a massive story, they're not something that's easy to write or good to start with, nor did your favourite writers/creators start only making a massive story. I'd suggest starting small, getting good at that size of story, then upgrading to a larger size of story; eventually you'll be able to manage a larger story.