This is a place for advice, so I'd suggest that rather than posting a very specific and tailored piece, you post a more general piece that shows off how you write a variety of things, however this is not a requirement. Don't post extremely long stories, keep things down to about 5 large paragraphs- at the same time, don't post anything too short to properly analyse either! I'd suggest, if you're giving part of a larger story or work-in-progress, give the introduction or first chapter so we can properly see how you introduce characters, settings and concepts.

Firstly, give constructive criticism, regardless of someone's writing level- just saying “This is terrible.” or “This is soo goood!!!” won't help anyone improve. Secondly, really explore and delve in to the piece, don't just write one sentence on what was good and bad. Looks for trends, patterns and issues in the writing and properly explain how to fix them, giving examples preferably. Thirdly, don't quote the whole piece then give your analysis: to make it easy to read, you should address the scratcher who wrote the piece and then quote where necessary.

cheese-duck wrote:

Ey noice I like these tips, I find that they're good points that a lot of writers (me included) probably don't really think about often. Thanks

TheEnderQueen wrote:

Oh awesome! I love this- it's extremely helpful! I'm glad that there are fellow writers out there

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

Tip of the day
A lot of people like to use a masquerade in their fantasy/supernatural stories. For those of you who don't know, a masquerade is where your fantasy beings live unknown alongside humans and have to keep themselves hidden. A lot of the time, people think that to justify these, they have to come up with some kind of detailed explanation where the creatures have infiltrated the government and pull the strings and anyone who gets to close to finding out is permanently silenced, along with any other people this species needs to kill. Typically, these leave more questions than they answer.
How did your creatures infiltrate the government,? How do they get away with pulling the strings? Which members of the government know this, or are all important figures part of this group? How does this group manage to make every powerful person one of them? How do they track people finding out about them? If they kill/imprison/hurt everyone who gets close, wouldn't someone notice? Surely killing someone would raise more questions than they need?
Sometimes, It's better to keep things simple. Which of these sounds more plausible:
Vampires live amongst us and pose well enough as normal people to not seem suspicious. Their feedings blend in with normal murders plus they don't need to eat very frequently. People who actually find out about them just get lost in all the other conspiracy theorists. Vampires live the lives of an average human, except for in the night.
or
Vampires are the true controllers of the world, and have enough links to the police force to cover up all their feedings. Anyone who believes they could be real is hunted down and disposed of by their elite hunting force. Vampires live lives of luxury in perfect old mansions.

cheese-duck wrote:

Huh, interesting point.
I was wondering about something specific, so if this is fine to ask:
In my book, there's magicians living hidden among non-magicians, like in Harry Potter, and I think the reason they're hidden is to eliminate any problems arising from this difference– like accusation for being ‘freaks,’ or jealousy, or overall just a feeling of tension between the two kinds of people because one has something the other doesn't. Does this create any plot holes like the ones you mentioned in the tip, and does it seem too much like Harry Potter?

Thanks :]

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

cheese-duck wrote:

Huh, interesting point.
I was wondering about something specific, so if this is fine to ask:
In my book, there's magicians living hidden among non-magicians, like in Harry Potter, and I think the reason they're hidden is to eliminate any problems arising from this difference– like accusation for being ‘freaks,’ or jealousy, or overall just a feeling of tension between the two kinds of people because one has something the other doesn't. Does this create any plot holes like the ones you mentioned in the tip, and does it seem too much like Harry Potter?

Thanks :]

Firstly, I don't think it's too similar to harry potter from what you've told me- magicians living amongst humans isn't a particularly original concept.
Secondly, The only main problem with your current reason for the wizards hiding is that it sounds like there has been some kind of general group consensus between all the wizards that they should hide. This is only really noticeable as their reasons for hiding are more opinion-based than based on a need for survival (e.g: vampires hiding because they don't want their prey to be frightened is opinion-based, vampires hiding because they don't want to be killed by angry humans is survival) which makes it seem less likely that a large group would all agree to and support it.
This isn't a major plot hole or anything, but if you want to make it a bit more plausible you could either have a small wizard population (so it would be more likely that everyone would agree on this), or have genuine consequences that could happen if they were discovered, and not just theoretical things.

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

Is my writing good or bad?

Sue's pale, slender leg was thrust into the air, jewellery glinting in the sunlight; it came crashing down into Barry's left forearm, dusting his fitted suit in a coating of gravel and dust as he stumbled backwards. Reaching out with a muscular arm, Barry's thick fingers gripped into Sue's long red hair and pulled her forward, bringing his deep brown eyes to face her steely grey ones as a frown spread across his face like an infection.
“Got you” He snarled through a thick white beard, bearing his teeth.

Sue kicked Barry's arm, sending him stumbling backwards. Swiftly he launched towards her, grabbing her hair and pulling her towards him.
“Got you” He snarled.

TheRealNetherBefore wrote:

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

Is my writing good or bad?

Could you provide a short example story or extract of a story so I can get an idea of how you write?

Sonic, with his eyes barely open, laid on the bed bug infested white mattress, donned in green pajamas. Unfamiliar darkness was thrown around him like pillows. With little strength, he turned to the window and realized that the sun hasn't shone yet.

He stared at the alarm clock. “4:12 AM,” it read.

“Gosh, time zones,” he quietly muttered to himself, as Forest, Amy, Knuckles, Tails, and Cream still hung out in Dreamland.

For the next hour, he couldn't fall asleep, even though he closed his eyes and counted imaginary Chao flying over him like dragonflies. He restlessly rolled back and forth, trying not to bump into Tails, who shared his bed with him. Thoughts of the missing Chao, Eggman, Amy and her frequent begs for romantic dates, nightmares of his beloved world falling into the hands of Robotnik, Shadow the Hedgehog, and lots of random stuff circulated the brain. Sonic was pondering on where the missing Chao could be when Tails yawned and opened his eyes.

“Tails, you awake?” he squealed as he turned to his friend.

“Yeah,” he barked.

“Since there isn't much to do in beyond early dawn, let's just go back to sleep.”

Amy was skipping all over the meadow, collecting flowers for Sonic to keep. Sonic, who was watching behind the nearby trees, ran towards her, and asked, “Whatcha' got for me?”

“Flowers!” she yelped cheerfully. “Chrysanthemums, daisies, buttercups, dandelions, roses without thorns, lilies of the valley, tulips, marigolds, four o' clocks, zinnias, pretty much every flower in Chaosville.”

“Thank you, Ames,” he grabbed the large bouquet and smiled.

Suddenly, without a warning, dark Chao flew out of the flowers and started nibbling on Sonic and Amy's thin strands of technicolor fur.

“SERIOUSLY, FLESH-EATING CHAO?!” he shrieked as he tried to pry the menancing Chao's piranha-like fangs off.

With an air attack, he managed to blow the wicked creatures away as far as 10 feet. Scarred with bleeding red marks, he looked down and eyed a spinetingling image of Amy's skeleton, with organs and flesh chewed off and only her tattered dress still on-

“Sonic, wake up!”

He opened his eyes and found Amy screaming in his face like a banshee. He silently thought to himself, Why another romantic dream ending with a nightmare? It's getting too old!

Team Ring exchanged their Mysterian currency for Hong-xingnese currency at an airport. With 300 yuan (about $529.47) in Sonic's backpack, they had spent the afternoon at a local arcade. Each Mobian (with an exception of Forest, who just flew around) held 30 tokens in their palms and tried various arcade and claw machines.

Tails and Knuckles battled out at the Chao Alpha machine, with small decks of such cards they had packed a few days ago. Amy cuddled up to a pile of plushies, each size of a small bean bag (she was so good at claw machines). Sonic had his hands gripped onto the wheel, as he steered furiously in his own licensed racing game. Cream pounded Badniks popping up like moles.

As Knuckles repeatedly pushed a single red button so hard that it would break and Amy showed her moves while stepping on arrow squares, Sonic, hugging noodles of tickets, long as the Great Wall of Chun-Nan, walked up to the prize counter. With 400 tickets, he won several plushies and a crafts kit. Tails, with 150 more tickets, got his hands on a surprisingly high-quality music box.

Knuckles only earned a decent amount of tickets from the button-smashing games and could only spend his 50 tickets on sucky stickers and cheap clay. Amy spent most of her tokens on claw machines, so she gave her 20 tickets to Cream. Cream, carrying her 35 tickers mostly won from “Smash-a-Badnik”, spent them on 2 Chao plushies, serving as lovely reminders of Cheese and Chocola.

Back at present time, Team Ring had woken up from their sleep in a cheap hotel room constructed for Mobians. Knuckles, only in his brown boxers, furiously scratched his back, thanks to those bed bugs snacking on his skin. Amy spent time staring at the bathroom mirror, combing her quills from scruffy to sleek, with her precious plastic red comb. Cream, still laying on the bed that she shared with Amy, hugged both her Chao plush and Amy's claw machine plush.

After changing into their daywear and scrubbing their teeth with bubbles, Team Ring headed downstairs for a nice Chinese breakfast. As Tails sucked up yogurt and Knuckles chomped on corn like a pig, Sonic, munching on pork buns, surfed on a weak Internet connection on his phone.

“How is my favorite search engine not loading?” Sonic wondered.

“Hong-xing bans sites it doesn't like,” Tails answered.

Breakfast was complete. Sonic and friends left the table with empty plates sitting there and took the elevator to floor 9. With Forest's wisdom and Sonic's speed, they packed up completely in only 5 minutes.

“No time for entertainment and games,” Sonic hissed as his friends exited the hotel. “Finding the Chao is our number one priority. Time shouldn't be wasted.”

PrincessPandaLover wrote:

Chapter 20 of the Missing Chao